1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:02,500
Look at us.

2
00:00:02,534 --> 00:00:04,468
Having dinner at the table.

3
00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:06,470
Facing each other instead of
just shoveling down takeout.

4
00:00:06,471 --> 00:00:07,872
In front of the tv.

5
00:00:07,873 --> 00:00:09,473
It's nice, huh?

6
00:00:09,474 --> 00:00:12,710
Based on your tone, I'm assuming
you want me to say yes.

7
00:00:12,711 --> 00:00:14,445
(laughs)

8
00:00:14,446 --> 00:00:15,813
I'm kidding. It's great.

9
00:00:15,814 --> 00:00:16,981
There's no distractions.

10
00:00:16,982 --> 00:00:20,284
Just me and my lady enjoying
a civilized dinner.

11
00:00:20,285 --> 00:00:21,752
And conversing about our day.

12
00:00:21,753 --> 00:00:23,120
Kind of romantic.

13
00:00:23,121 --> 00:00:24,655
Very romantic.

14
00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:26,774
Is this gonna be an every night
kind of deal.

15
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:31,412
Or is it just an odd experiment
to see if we can actually do it?

16
00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:33,063
You know, Mike,
it's important for us.

17
00:00:33,064 --> 00:00:35,249
To stay connected
with each other.

18
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:37,734
Sex is not the only way
to express intimacy.

19
00:00:37,735 --> 00:00:39,086
I agree.

20
00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:41,071
It's certainly the best way.

21
00:00:41,072 --> 00:00:43,707
Mostly because we always know
when we're done.

22
00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:47,945
Well, I always know
when I'm done.

23
00:00:49,848 --> 00:00:52,216
Hey, I got an idea.

24
00:00:52,217 --> 00:00:53,584
Let's forget about the dishes.

25
00:00:53,585 --> 00:00:55,686
And let's go out and
do something fun.

26
00:00:55,687 --> 00:00:57,221
Right now?

27
00:00:57,222 --> 00:00:58,722
Yeah, right now. Me and you.

28
00:00:58,723 --> 00:01:00,958
Let's just get in the car and
see where the night takes us.

29
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:03,060
I was kinda hopin' the night was
gonna take us.

30
00:01:03,061 --> 00:01:04,128
To your nice comfy couch.

31
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:06,397
Come on. We live in.

32
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,566
One the greatest cities
in the world.

33
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:09,967
Let's go explore it.

34
00:01:09,968 --> 00:01:12,837
Or we could snuggle up
on the couch.

35
00:01:12,838 --> 00:01:16,307
And eat low-fat bugles off
of each other's fingertips.

36
00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,792
Sexy!

37
00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:20,444
Don't be such a load.

38
00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:21,662
What do you want from me?

39
00:01:21,663 --> 00:01:23,130
I already put on my
loosey-goosey sweatpants.

40
00:01:23,131 --> 00:01:24,682
I know. I've been looking
at those sweatpants.

41
00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:26,083
For almost two weeks now.

42
00:01:26,084 --> 00:01:28,285
Hey, maybe we can
toss 'em in the washer.

43
00:01:28,286 --> 00:01:29,620
While we go out.

44
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:30,855
You can't wash 'em.

45
00:01:30,856 --> 00:01:32,289
You'll shrink
the "loosey" out of 'em,

46
00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:33,424
And then they're just "goosey."

47
00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:36,260
Come on, get changed
and let's go do something.

48
00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:38,262
God, I'm not really up
for going out.

49
00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:40,314
I had a pretty
tough day at work.

50
00:01:40,315 --> 00:01:41,599
What happened?

51
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,017
Shootout? Bank robbery?

52
00:01:43,018 --> 00:01:46,470
Carl step in gum again?

53
00:01:46,471 --> 00:01:48,806
You joke, but an officer
of the law stepping in.

54
00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:51,075
A wad of Hubba Bubba can be
the split second.

55
00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:53,677
A criminal needs
to make his getaway.

56
00:01:54,779 --> 00:01:57,665
Whoa, what are you two doing
standing up after 6:00?

57
00:01:57,666 --> 00:01:59,450
Is the couch on fire?

58
00:02:00,952 --> 00:02:02,086
Joyce: Guess where we're going.

59
00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:03,254
Vince is taking me.

60
00:02:03,255 --> 00:02:06,457
To see Peaches and Herb
at the Schaumburg Hyatt.

61
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:10,761
It's the original Herb,
but it's Peaches number six.

62
00:02:10,762 --> 00:02:12,329
I don't know where.

63
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:14,048
Those Peaches are
disappearing to,

64
00:02:14,049 --> 00:02:17,768
But somebody might want to take
a shovel to Herb's backyard.

65
00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:20,437
He made the same joke.

66
00:02:20,438 --> 00:02:22,172
About Gladys Knight
killing the Pips.

67
00:02:22,173 --> 00:02:23,173
Good night.

68
00:02:23,174 --> 00:02:24,642
You guys have fun.

69
00:02:24,643 --> 00:02:27,478
And when you get home, don't put
the chain on the door,

70
00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:29,880
'cause Mike and I might be out
pretty late. (Chuckles)

71
00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:33,384
Molly, look.
A squirrel on water skis.

72
00:02:36,021 --> 00:02:40,624
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪

73
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:44,862
♪ I see love. ♪

74
00:02:54,071 --> 00:02:57,240
Narrator: The resilient
villagers return once more.

75
00:02:57,241 --> 00:03:00,377
To till their arid soil.

76
00:03:00,378 --> 00:03:02,545
(theme music plays)

77
00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:06,282
Oh! What tragic lives some
people lead.

78
00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:09,052
(snores)

79
00:03:11,122 --> 00:03:12,822
Oh, my god, that's horrible.

80
00:03:12,823 --> 00:03:14,491
When will we learn?

81
00:03:14,492 --> 00:03:16,259
You fell asleep.

82
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,727
No, I didn't.

83
00:03:17,728 --> 00:03:22,332
So, you saw the whole thing
about the migrating geese?

84
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:26,770
Yes, and I found it
heartbreaking.

85
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,872
There were no geese!

86
00:03:28,873 --> 00:03:31,624
So, you tricked me?

87
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:34,544
Congratulations.
You outwitted a sleeping man.

88
00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:35,879
Mike, I can't sit.

89
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,848
On that couch anymore,
watching tv.

90
00:03:38,849 --> 00:03:40,784
Let's go do something fun
this weekend.

91
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:41,835
Me and you.

92
00:03:41,836 --> 00:03:42,786
I'm in.

93
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:43,853
Really?

94
00:03:43,854 --> 00:03:45,055
Whatever you want to do.

95
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:47,123
Great. How about
we drive downstate.

96
00:03:47,124 --> 00:03:49,325
To a nice little B and B?

97
00:03:49,326 --> 00:03:51,761
Bed and breakfast?
Are you out of your mind?

98
00:03:51,762 --> 00:03:53,296
You said whatever I want to do.

99
00:03:53,297 --> 00:03:55,231
Within reason.
I don't want to share a toilet.

100
00:03:55,232 --> 00:03:56,800
With a house full of strangers.

101
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,234
It means the seat's always warm.

102
00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:02,972
Plus, there's usually some mangy
cat with a bent tail.

103
00:04:02,973 --> 00:04:05,975
Rubbing its anus on your leg.

104
00:04:05,976 --> 00:04:07,777
Okay, forget the bed
and breakfast.

105
00:04:07,778 --> 00:04:11,331
How about...

106
00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:13,166
We drive up to Wisconsin, hmm?

107
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:15,368
Rent a cabin by the lake?

108
00:04:15,369 --> 00:04:19,989
You know, big fireplace,
snuggling under a blanket,

109
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:23,493
Sipping hot chocolate.

110
00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:25,261
Ah.

111
00:04:25,262 --> 00:04:28,798
What is the problem
this time, princess, huh?

112
00:04:28,799 --> 00:04:30,100
The fireplace? Wisconsin?

113
00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:33,403
I know it's not the chocolate!

114
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:36,239
Oh, you felt the need
to go there, huh?

115
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,875
Real mature.

116
00:04:45,182 --> 00:04:47,050
What's wrong with you
this morning?

117
00:04:47,051 --> 00:04:48,084
Nothing, why?

118
00:04:48,085 --> 00:04:49,319
You're playing with your food,

119
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,354
And you don't ever play
with your food.

120
00:04:51,355 --> 00:04:55,825
Sometimes he does lay his
sausages in a neat little row.

121
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,828
Yeah, but that's more like
lining up logs.

122
00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:01,531
Before you jam them
in a wood chipper.

123
00:05:01,532 --> 00:05:03,566
I think Molly's
getting restless.

124
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:04,868
What do you mean, "restless"?

125
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,170
I don't know.
From what I can gather,

126
00:05:07,171 --> 00:05:09,005
I'm not taking
her outside enough.

127
00:05:09,006 --> 00:05:10,640
Well, I told you,
when you got a girlfriend,

128
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:12,675
You'd have to walk her
at least three times a day.

129
00:05:12,676 --> 00:05:17,213
Otherwise, they go crazy and
start chewing up the furniture.

130
00:05:17,214 --> 00:05:19,682
And draggin' their little butts
across the carpet.

131
00:05:19,683 --> 00:05:21,985
That's why you got
to get two of them.

132
00:05:21,986 --> 00:05:24,104
That way, they could play
with each other

133
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:25,905
I don't get it.

134
00:05:25,906 --> 00:05:27,607
Everything
you'd want is inside:

135
00:05:27,608 --> 00:05:28,608
Food, shelter, sex.

136
00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:30,226
What else do you need?

137
00:05:30,227 --> 00:05:32,328
I'd settle for two of the three.

138
00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:35,198
Give me a strange hand on
my crotch and a bag of skittles.

139
00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:36,933
And I would live in a pothole.

140
00:05:38,369 --> 00:05:40,753
I don't think Molly understands
how hard I work.

141
00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:43,039
I put my life
on the line every day.

142
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,240
I need some down time.

143
00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:45,708
Yep, that's what I tell grandma.

144
00:05:45,709 --> 00:05:47,743
When I get home from work,
I need to decompress.

145
00:05:47,744 --> 00:05:49,078
Some "me time." that's right.

146
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:50,880
Don't be yelling at me
to shovel the drive.

147
00:05:50,881 --> 00:05:53,016
Or pull a dead rat out
of the rain gutter.

148
00:05:53,017 --> 00:05:55,218
I mean, why didn't she grab that
thing when she was up there.

149
00:05:55,219 --> 00:05:56,886
Taking down
the christmas lights?

150
00:05:56,887 --> 00:05:59,455
Exactly. We spend all day,
every day, fighting crime.

151
00:05:59,456 --> 00:06:01,691
To keep the streets safe
for them.

152
00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:03,860
We're like Batman.
And when Batman comes home,

153
00:06:03,861 --> 00:06:06,830
You don't ask him to clean the
garage or unclog the toilet.

154
00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:09,032
Because his bat grandma can't
process dairy.

155
00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:11,401
I don't know
what I'm gonna do, carl.

156
00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:14,270
I gave Molly my a-game
when we first started dating,

157
00:06:14,271 --> 00:06:16,873
But I can't keep up that level
of charm. I'm only one man.

158
00:06:16,874 --> 00:06:19,409
Well, I could argue
otherwise, but...

159
00:06:21,345 --> 00:06:23,246
Maybe all you need to do is
shake it up a little.

160
00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:24,514
Show her that you're making
an effort.

161
00:06:24,515 --> 00:06:26,082
Aw, does this mean
I'm gonna have to go out?

162
00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:28,384
Not at all.
All right, I'm listening.

163
00:06:28,385 --> 00:06:29,819
Instead of letting
her make you dinner.

164
00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:32,355
And serve it to you on the
couch, you show up with dinner.

165
00:06:32,356 --> 00:06:33,990
And serve it to her on
the couch.

166
00:06:33,991 --> 00:06:36,392
You're still eating your dinner
on the couch, but in her mind,

167
00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:37,760
You have wined and dined her.

168
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:38,895
That's all it takes?

169
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:40,847
That's it. Just do a couple
of little things.

170
00:06:40,848 --> 00:06:43,233
She doesn't expect you to do,
and then she'll forget all about.

171
00:06:43,234 --> 00:06:45,001
The big nasty things
you don't want to do.

172
00:06:45,002 --> 00:06:46,703
That makes sense.

173
00:06:46,704 --> 00:06:49,205
I'm telling you, I may have
combed out a few old lady wigs.

174
00:06:49,206 --> 00:06:50,874
In my day,
but I ain't never plucked.

175
00:06:50,875 --> 00:06:52,675
A dead rat out of a rain gutter.

176
00:06:55,713 --> 00:06:59,148
Narrator: The diet of the north
american brown bear consists.

177
00:06:59,149 --> 00:07:03,620
Mostly of salmon, berries,
legumes and pine nuts.

178
00:07:03,621 --> 00:07:06,155
Yogi doesn't eat that.

179
00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:09,759
Yogi eats pic-a-nic baskets.

180
00:07:12,129 --> 00:07:14,931
Six pounds.
I've gained almost six pounds.

181
00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:16,833
Since Mike and I started dating.

182
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,268
It's probably just your
hibernation weight.

183
00:07:18,269 --> 00:07:20,837
You'll lose that as soon as the
spring thaw rolls around.

184
00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:23,673
We've just turned into
this old married couple.

185
00:07:23,674 --> 00:07:26,409
I mean, he never wants
to go out anymore.

186
00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:28,478
I can't even get
him off the sofa.

187
00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:30,680
Well, you've
already mated with him,

188
00:07:30,681 --> 00:07:33,850
So he has no reason
to stand on his hind legs.

189
00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:35,818
Or fling a half-eaten salmon
at your feet.

190
00:07:35,819 --> 00:07:38,121
Turn off the bear show.

191
00:07:38,122 --> 00:07:41,157
Sorry.

192
00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:44,794
All I'm saying is once a guy
knows you're a sure thing,

193
00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:47,463
There's no reason for him
to try anymore.

194
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,634
You know what? Mm-hmm?

195
00:07:51,635 --> 00:07:54,804
I'm not just gonna sit around
and wait for him to take me out.

196
00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:56,306
If I want to go
do something fun,

197
00:07:56,307 --> 00:07:59,225
I am gonna do something fun.

198
00:07:59,226 --> 00:08:00,760
Right on, sister!

199
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:02,845
I am gonna tear it up! Whoo!

200
00:08:05,349 --> 00:08:08,685
You want to come with me?
I don't want to go by myself.

201
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,118
Oh, good lord!

202
00:08:25,119 --> 00:08:27,920
I just saw
my girlfriend's mom naked.

203
00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:30,573
What are you doing
looking in the window?

204
00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:32,258
I'm sorry.
I didn't think anybody would be.

205
00:08:32,259 --> 00:08:33,943
Having sex on the stairs.

206
00:08:33,944 --> 00:08:38,598
Well, if you're writing a book,
it started in the laundry room.

207
00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:42,485
Hey, Mike. What a surprise.

208
00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:44,287
I was just making popcorn.

209
00:08:45,889 --> 00:08:47,724
Save it, doll.
He saw us on the stairs.

210
00:08:47,725 --> 00:08:50,693
Honestly, from the window,
it just looked like a bad fall.

211
00:08:53,931 --> 00:08:55,531
All right, state your business.

212
00:08:55,532 --> 00:08:57,933
Those Viagras are
11 bucks a pop.

213
00:08:57,934 --> 00:08:59,435
Hush up, Vince.

214
00:08:59,436 --> 00:09:01,704
You got another three
hours on that thing.

215
00:09:01,705 --> 00:09:04,374
Hey, I'm gonna be asleep in
about 30 minutes.

216
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:07,543
After that, you can pound nails
with it for all I care.

217
00:09:07,544 --> 00:09:09,712
I'm looking for Molly.
Is she home?

218
00:09:09,713 --> 00:09:10,847
If she was,

219
00:09:10,848 --> 00:09:13,082
Would I be doing
her mom on the staircase.

220
00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,650
While you watched
from the window,

221
00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:16,152
Getting your jollies?

222
00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:18,688
She and Victoria went
out for the night.

223
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:19,789
Really?

224
00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:21,691
We always spend
Friday nights together.

225
00:09:21,692 --> 00:09:23,459
And I brought over thai food.

226
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:25,461
Ooh, that sounds good.

227
00:09:25,462 --> 00:09:27,163
Yeah, I could eat.

228
00:09:27,164 --> 00:09:29,198
I'll give you 20 bucks
for the whole shebang.

229
00:09:29,199 --> 00:09:30,833
$40 if you promise to stay away.

230
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,135
From the window
for the rest of the night.

231
00:09:33,136 --> 00:09:36,205
Just take it.

232
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:38,841
What do you say you throw me
another high hard one,

233
00:09:38,842 --> 00:09:40,676
And then we eat
the spring rolls?

234
00:09:40,677 --> 00:09:42,662
Works for me.

235
00:09:44,998 --> 00:09:47,867
(both laughing)

236
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:52,488
Oh, god! I forgot
how great it feels.

237
00:09:52,489 --> 00:09:54,290
To go out on a Friday night.

238
00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:55,958
Work week is done,
papers are graded,

239
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:57,894
Mama is ready to party!

240
00:09:57,895 --> 00:09:59,128
You go, girl!

241
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:02,014
Oh! I still have to buy
foam board and 30 glue sticks.

242
00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:03,499
For Monday's art project,

243
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,301
But I ain't doing it tonight!

244
00:10:05,302 --> 00:10:07,136
'cause it's time to par-tay!

245
00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:11,641
I am gonna write myself
just a little reminder.

246
00:10:11,642 --> 00:10:17,313
So I don't forget
about that foam... Board. Whoo!

247
00:10:17,314 --> 00:10:18,815
Good idea,

248
00:10:18,816 --> 00:10:22,085
'cause we're gonna
get wasted tonight.

249
00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:25,371
Yeah! Yeah! I mean,

250
00:10:25,372 --> 00:10:27,657
Probably not wasted,
but I think I see.

251
00:10:27,658 --> 00:10:29,792
A couple glasses
of Chardonnay in my future.

252
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:31,661
(phone rings)

253
00:10:31,662 --> 00:10:33,296
Oh!

254
00:10:33,297 --> 00:10:37,700
Uh-oh, Grandpa Mike.

255
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:39,268
What's up?

256
00:10:39,269 --> 00:10:41,203
Oh, just hanging
with my sister.

257
00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:42,805
Uh-huh.

258
00:10:42,806 --> 00:10:44,407
Oh, really?

259
00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:47,093
You just dropped by
assuming I'd be there?

260
00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:48,244
Bummer for you.

261
00:10:48,245 --> 00:10:50,563
Well, I don't know.

262
00:10:50,564 --> 00:10:53,733
Could go pretty late,
it's Friday night.

263
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:54,884
Whoo!

264
00:10:54,885 --> 00:10:56,686
(whispers): Do it again.
Do it again.

265
00:10:56,687 --> 00:10:59,572
(hesitantly): Whoo...

266
00:10:59,573 --> 00:11:01,357
Victoria, chill.

267
00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:04,427
I'm trying to talk
on the phone.

268
00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:07,113
Sorry. She's pretty amped.

269
00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:09,031
Yes, I said "amped."

270
00:11:09,032 --> 00:11:12,802
Listen, we're getting ready
to head into the club.

271
00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:16,205
(deep voice): Ladies, I'm
gonna need to see some ID.

272
00:11:16,206 --> 00:11:17,957
Just kidding.

273
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:21,110
I'll call you.

274
00:11:21,111 --> 00:11:23,713
(both laughing)

275
00:11:23,714 --> 00:11:26,682
Oh, god, look at me...
playing hard to get.

276
00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:28,968
I don't think I have
ever done that.

277
00:11:28,969 --> 00:11:30,553
I tried it once.

278
00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:35,324
But I was completely naked at the
time, so the dude called my bluff.

279
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,702
Grandma: Who the hell's
beating on my door?!

280
00:11:51,703 --> 00:11:54,037
Nana, it's me, Mike.

281
00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:56,206
Oh, hey, Michael.

282
00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:57,624
Carlton's not home.

283
00:11:57,625 --> 00:11:58,909
Good night, baby.

284
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:01,044
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Not home? Where did he go?

285
00:12:01,045 --> 00:12:02,562
Oh, I don't keep tabs on him.

286
00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:03,797
He's a grown man.

287
00:12:03,798 --> 00:12:06,199
But he does like hot wings
and big, fake boobies.

288
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,868
If that helps narrow it down.

289
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:09,869
Strip club.

290
00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:12,055
I don't think he was
folding up dollar bills.

291
00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:14,257
To put in the church
collection plate.

292
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:16,076
Now if you'll excuse me,

293
00:12:16,077 --> 00:12:18,679
Brother Heywood stopped by
for pie and coffee.

294
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,764
Oh, what kind of pie?

295
00:12:20,765 --> 00:12:23,183
The kind of pie that
two consenting adults.

296
00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:27,854
Enjoy alone in the privacy
of their own home.

297
00:12:27,855 --> 00:12:31,024
Oh, man, I am two for two.

298
00:12:31,025 --> 00:12:33,360
So's brother Heywood.
Good night, Michael.

299
00:12:37,331 --> 00:12:39,366
I mean, I'm a doer.

300
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,751
I've always been a doer.

301
00:12:40,752 --> 00:12:42,786
In high school... french club,
chess club, drama club,

302
00:12:42,787 --> 00:12:45,288
Band, jazz band, marching band,
student council,

303
00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:46,923
Editor of the school paper,
french club...

304
00:12:46,924 --> 00:12:48,291
Did I already say french club?

305
00:12:48,292 --> 00:12:49,342
Yes, you did.

306
00:12:49,343 --> 00:12:50,761
<i>Excusez-moi.</i>

307
00:12:50,762 --> 00:12:54,114
You might want to slow
down on those red bulls.

308
00:12:54,115 --> 00:12:56,016
The point is, I'm an active
person, a go-getter.

309
00:12:56,017 --> 00:12:58,585
Remember? I backpacked through
Europe one summer.

310
00:12:58,586 --> 00:12:59,919
All by myself.

311
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,438
Okay, it wasn't
the whole summer,

312
00:13:01,439 --> 00:13:03,106
But it was two and a half weeks.

313
00:13:03,107 --> 00:13:05,258
The point is that I have
an adventurous soul.

314
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:06,426
I'm like Amelia Earhart.

315
00:13:06,427 --> 00:13:08,061
Or that woman that
lives with the gorillas.

316
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:09,312
I can't think of her name.

317
00:13:09,313 --> 00:13:10,731
Sigourney Weaver
played her in the movie.

318
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:12,115
I loved her in <i>Ghostbusters.</i>

319
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:13,316
She was fantastic.

320
00:13:13,317 --> 00:13:14,568
Funny, sexy, quirky.

321
00:13:14,569 --> 00:13:15,869
See, that's who I am.

322
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,404
I'm fun, and I've
always been fun.

323
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,456
You don't keep a fun
gal like me at home.

324
00:13:19,457 --> 00:13:21,475
You take her out,
you show her around.

325
00:13:21,476 --> 00:13:23,276
Red light!
(horn honking and tires squealing)

326
00:13:23,277 --> 00:13:25,378
(laughing)

327
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:28,682
(both laughing)

328
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,418
That was fun. Wasn't that fun?

329
00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:34,755
I might have peed a little.

330
00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:36,757
Oh, me, too!

331
00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:39,793
(both laughing)

332
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,498
<i>Molly, it's Mike.</i>

333
00:13:44,499 --> 00:13:46,399
Where are you?

334
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,836
I'm sorry, I can't hear
you over the music.

335
00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:51,238
Oh, great.

336
00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:53,273
Yeah, I'm glad
you're having a good time.

337
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,742
Me? I'm having a ball.

338
00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,347
No, I don't know
where you ball is.

339
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:01,531
Look under the couch.

340
00:14:01,532 --> 00:14:05,652
So I guess I'll see you
when I see you.

341
00:14:05,653 --> 00:14:07,387
Hello?

342
00:14:08,289 --> 00:14:10,624
I threw a load of your
whites in the dryer.

343
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:13,426
I had to spray some extra
zout on your pit stains.

344
00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:15,495
Looks like you
were sweating mustard.

345
00:14:16,364 --> 00:14:17,898
Thanks.

346
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:20,066
So where's your little
girlfriend tonight?

347
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,235
She wanted some
time to herself.

348
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,604
Oh. Time to herself.

349
00:14:24,605 --> 00:14:26,540
Well, you two had a good run.

350
00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:30,060
Nothing you can do when
the love bus goes off the cliff.

351
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:32,245
No, it's nothing like that.

352
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,314
She just thinks we don't
go out enough.

353
00:14:34,315 --> 00:14:35,816
Why does she need to go out?

354
00:14:35,817 --> 00:14:38,184
You guys are in a committed
relationship now.

355
00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:41,354
The music has stopped,
grab a chair.

356
00:14:41,355 --> 00:14:42,889
My point exactly.

357
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,858
She doesn't understand that
I work hard every day,

358
00:14:44,859 --> 00:14:46,893
And when I come home,
I need to unwind.

359
00:14:46,894 --> 00:14:48,695
You know, your father
and I never went out.

360
00:14:48,696 --> 00:14:50,931
We'd eat every meal right
here in front of the tv.

361
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:51,932
Every meal?

362
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,266
Yep.

363
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,569
As long as we had three squares
and <i>Barnaby Jones,</i>

364
00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:57,304
We didn't need a lot
of jibber-jabber.

365
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:59,306
So that's all you guys did,

366
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:01,942
Was sit on the couch together
and watch tv?

367
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,677
Well, eventually your father
bought a second tv.

368
00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:05,512
And watched it
down in the basement.

369
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:07,080
So I'd leave his dinner.

370
00:15:07,081 --> 00:15:09,249
On the top step
and ring a little bell.

371
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,051
For him to come get it.

372
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:12,269
That's horrible.

373
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,154
Why don't I remember that?

374
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:16,756
Oh, that was before
you were born.

375
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:21,194
After you came along,
we started to drift apart.

376
00:15:24,198 --> 00:15:27,734
Mom, would you be terribly hurt
if I was to...

377
00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:28,802
Get out of here.

378
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,537
Thanks, mom.

379
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,309
That lit a fire under his ass,
didn't it, Jim.

380
00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:44,251
(techno-pop playing)

381
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:51,942
This place is fantastic!

382
00:15:51,943 --> 00:15:53,627
Yeah, great music.

383
00:15:53,628 --> 00:15:56,229
Plus, you don't have to worry about
any of the guys hitting on you.

384
00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:57,530
Right.

385
00:15:57,531 --> 00:15:59,733
You know, 'cause
they're all gay.

386
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:02,836
Yeah, I gathered that.

387
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,705
Another good thing... no lines
in the ladies' bathroom.

388
00:16:05,706 --> 00:16:08,141
Occasionally you'll walk in
on something very disturbing,

389
00:16:08,142 --> 00:16:12,278
But you just do your business
and get out as quick as you can.

390
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:20,687
Excuse me, gentlemen.

391
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,805
How are you?

392
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,423
Excuse me, pardon me.

393
00:16:23,424 --> 00:16:24,791
Nice to see you.

394
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,843
That's a hell of a mustache.

395
00:16:26,844 --> 00:16:28,962
Molly!

396
00:16:28,963 --> 00:16:30,931
Molly!

397
00:16:34,735 --> 00:16:38,104
No, no, I'm not dancing.

398
00:16:38,105 --> 00:16:39,973
Mike!

399
00:16:39,974 --> 00:16:43,743
Molly. That's my girlfriend.
I'm with her.

400
00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:45,161
Coming through.

401
00:16:45,162 --> 00:16:46,579
Nice nipple ring.

402
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:48,415
That had to hurt.

403
00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:50,166
Detective Nelson.

404
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:53,486
I'm going to assume
you're undercover.

405
00:16:53,487 --> 00:16:54,688
Molly.

406
00:16:54,689 --> 00:16:56,423
What are you doing here?

407
00:16:56,424 --> 00:16:58,341
I came to tell you I'm sorry.

408
00:16:58,342 --> 00:17:00,760
And I don't want to end up
sitting in the basement.

409
00:17:00,761 --> 00:17:02,062
Waiting on the dinner bell.

410
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,397
I don't know what that means.

411
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,466
It means I don't ever want
to take you for granted.

412
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,351
And if you want to go
out, we'll go out.

413
00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:11,337
We are out.

414
00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:13,189
Seriously?

415
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:14,441
Dance with me, big boy.

416
00:17:14,442 --> 00:17:16,359
I'm not really much
of a dancer.

417
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,861
Consider it foreplay.

418
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,178
Sold.

419
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:25,184
I love you. I love you, too.

420
00:17:25,185 --> 00:17:28,405
Please tell me that was you
that just grabbed my ass.

421
00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:34,878
The first one's free.
Next one's gonna cost you.

422
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,934
I think the problem, Jeffrey,

423
00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:45,636
Is you're taking Steven
for granted.

424
00:17:45,637 --> 00:17:47,471
I mean, yes, you're a Doctor.

425
00:17:47,472 --> 00:17:50,307
And that's a very demanding job,
but he works, too.

426
00:17:50,308 --> 00:17:52,676
He's on his feet all day long
at the salon,

427
00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:54,745
And at night, he still cares
enough about you.

428
00:17:54,746 --> 00:17:58,048
To cram those things into those
size-12 peek-a-boo pumps.

429
00:17:58,049 --> 00:17:59,183
Ten and a half.

430
00:17:59,184 --> 00:18:02,086
Okay, I know better
than to argue with a lady.

431
00:18:02,087 --> 00:18:03,637
About her shoe size.

432
00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:06,289
Mike, you ready to go home?

433
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:08,659
Oh sure, sweetie.
That's my girlfriend.

434
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:10,527
You know how it is.

435
00:18:10,528 --> 00:18:13,263
Well, you know how it is.

436
00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:15,015
Nice to meet you guys.

437
00:18:15,016 --> 00:18:16,633
You coming back tomorrow?

438
00:18:16,634 --> 00:18:17,818
It's cowboy and indian night.

439
00:18:17,819 --> 00:18:19,353
Ooh, it's cowboy
and indian night.

440
00:18:19,354 --> 00:18:20,904
We'll talk about it in the car.

441
00:18:20,905 --> 00:18:22,206
I can wear my boots.

442
00:18:22,207 --> 00:18:24,608
Might be nice to stay
home tomorrow night.

443
00:18:24,609 --> 00:18:26,527
Aw, come on, you
never want to do anything.

444
00:18:26,528 --> 00:18:27,845
I said we'd talk.

445
00:18:27,846 --> 00:18:29,980
Hey, what would you feel
about me growing a mustache?

446
00:18:29,981 --> 00:18:31,081
Sure. Maybe get a nipple ring.

447
00:18:31,082 --> 00:18:32,616
Someplace to hang
your dry cleaning.

448
00:18:32,617 --> 00:18:35,652
Sync and correction by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com