1
00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:02,168
So here's what you missed on Glee:
Quinn was dating Sam,
2
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:04,037
but then she kissed Finn,
so Santana told Sam, and now
3
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,805
- they've started dating.
- You are Biebalicious.
4
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,141
Will's not dating anyone and
says he's over Emma, but it
5
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,676
seems like he's still got a thing for her,
even though she's married.
6
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,511
Kurt's really into Blaine,
and Blaine likes Kurt,
7
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,146
but he says he just wants to
stay friends.
8
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,048
And that's what you missed
on Glee.
9
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,585
(school bell rings)
Figgins,
10
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,353
you wanted to see me?
11
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,621
William, we have an epidemic
on our hands.
12
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,090
- Head lice?
- Worse. Giggle juice.
13
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:27,060
- I'm sorry. What?
- Alcohol, William.
14
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,628
The wet devil.
15
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,999
Our children are so brazen,
they are showing up to school wasted.
16
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,934
And not wasted on learning, Will.
17
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,269
Wasted on booze.
18
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,471
Why, just this week,
we've had five suspensions
19
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,673
for intoxication
on school grounds.
20
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,242
(pounding on window)
Figgins!
21
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,743
You rock!
22
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,278
Yeah, man!
23
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,680
Six suspensions.
24
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,182
I don't get it.
25
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,984
Drinking's never been a problem
at this school.
26
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,585
That's because there are
new alcoholic beverages
27
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,886
targeted to kids, Will.
28
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,521
Just listen to the radio.
29
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,858
Pop music now glorifies
binge drinking.
30
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,059
Just listen to any hit
31
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:03,229
by pop sensation
Key-dollar-sign-ha.
32
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,231
Oh. You...
You mean Ke$ha?
33
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,100
We must do something
to protect our children, Will.
34
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,935
I... I totally agree.
35
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,570
How... How can I help?
36
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,572
I have decided to make this week
37
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,074
Alcohol Awareness Week
at McKinley.
38
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:18,111
I have contacted Kitty Dukakis,
who will be the guest speaker
39
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,214
at an assembly where your
Glee Club will perform a song
40
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,050
highlighting the dangers
of teenage drinking.
41
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,603
Can I count on you, William?
42
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:32,002
Sync by YesCool
Corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,259
(school bell ringing)
44
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,894
- WILL: Emma?
- Hi.
45
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,262
Enough with us
not being friends.
46
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,131
Look, I heard through the
grapevine that you and Carl
47
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:39,265
started looking
for a tract house together,
48
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:43,136
and I just wanted to say that I'm
genuinely happy for you.
49
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,604
Thank you.
50
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,472
(chuckling)
That's really sweet.
51
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,308
Two-slicer.
(laughs)
52
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,009
Do you want to catch up?
53
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:52,011
Yeah. Sure.
54
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,913
(clears throat)
55
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,448
How have you been?
56
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,684
Busy. Yeah.
57
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,052
Glee Club's gearing up
for Regionals...
58
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,287
I, um, love hearing
about the Glee Club,
59
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,922
but I'm actually more
interested in you.
60
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,791
- You know, how you're doing.
- Me? Uh...
61
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,492
Are you dating anybody?
62
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,227
No.
63
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,530
No?
64
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,365
Maybe you should.
65
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,067
SUE: You know, Ella, I think
66
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,902
Will should really concentrate
on his treatment
67
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,170
before he tries another
relationship
68
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,238
with an early hominid,
even a human female.
69
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,841
- Treatment?
- Alcoholics Anonymous, Will.
70
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,876
I suggest you
pre-emptively check
71
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,512
into rehab,
as you are a future alcoholic.
72
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,214
I mean, come on.
73
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,216
Look where you are.
You're coaching a Glee Club
74
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,285
that can only beat
choirs of old people.
75
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:35,221
You're rehashing the details
of your failed marriage
76
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,558
with the very lemur
who rejected the bestial horror
77
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:39,826
of your craven sexual advances.
78
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,595
And when my Glee Club
crushes you at Regionals,
79
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:46,099
well, the last ounce of meaning
will drain from your life,
80
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,567
and you will turn to drink.
81
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:50,203
I don't get it. How is it that
you're now coaching a Glee Club?
82
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,472
I was so inspired by my stint
in the Glee Club,
83
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,474
that I took the trip
to Westvale,
84
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,708
and I volunteered my help.
85
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,477
Unfortunately,
the chipper homosexual
86
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,045
who coaches Aural Intensity
87
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:00,880
had a terrible fall
down the stairs.
88
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,782
(epic music plays)
89
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,353
I'm okay. Don't worry.
90
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:11,691
(grunting)
91
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:12,992
Not to be alarmed.
92
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,528
Doctors say he will be fine.
Provided they can get
93
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,896
the swelling in his brain
under control.
94
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:19,031
EMMA: Okay, sorry.
I still don't understand.
95
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,267
How can the school let
you coach Aural Intensity?
96
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,002
Newsflash, Amelda.
97
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,338
There's no one lining up
to coach Glee Clubs
98
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,240
because it's a sucky job
for losers.
99
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:30,042
But there was an opening,
and I am a champion.
100
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,378
Oh, Will.
Here's the book by Bill W.,
101
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,181
outlining the twelve steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
102
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,983
I can't wait for you
to start climbing those steps,
103
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,217
because when you get to the top,
104
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,686
I'm gonna knock you back down.
105
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,624
(school bell ringing)
106
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,692
What's up, my hot,
little Jewish-American Princess?
107
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,161
What do you want, Puckerman?
108
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,129
Well, word on the street is
that your dads are out of town,
109
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,297
and you're all
alone in your house.
110
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,965
They are on the
Rosie O'Donnell cruise.
111
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,500
Was that...
Who told you that?
112
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,702
This is the kind of information
a guy like me tends to know.
113
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,272
So, uh, party this Saturday?
114
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,840
I'll bring the beer ball.
That's a mini-keg.
115
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,675
Forget it.
116
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,076
Oh, come on.
Just the Glee kids.
117
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,245
We're losing our minds,
all stressed about Sectionals and stuff.
118
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:08,347
Regionals. Besides,
119
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,050
you just want a place
to have sex and get drunk.
120
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,819
Yeah. There's a word for that.
A party.
121
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,320
No. No.
(notes tinkling)
122
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:17,290
No. My... My dads,
they left me alone in my house
123
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,825
because they trusted me
to be responsible.
124
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,894
They left you alone 'cause you
suck and are a total bore.
125
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,430
- FINN: Hey.
- Yo.
126
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,498
How's the song-writing going?
127
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:28,100
Hey. It's going amazing.
128
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,102
I think I might have
a really big hit here,
129
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,270
which is why
I wanted you to come by.
130
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:32,738
I want you to hear it.
131
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,373
Oh. Yeah. Cool.
132
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,309
Come here.
133
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,349
(chuckles)
134
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,687
What was that for?
135
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,121
To break the tension.
136
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,557
We were boyfriend
and girlfriend, Finn.
137
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,025
It's silly for us to pretend
138
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,494
like we aren't comfortable
around each other.
139
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,596
Yeah. Totally.
140
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,498
And I know that we have
some unresolved feelings,
141
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:02,268
but like my two new role models
Carole King and Gerry Goffin,
142
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:03,603
I think it's important
that we just
143
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,706
put them aside and stay
focused on our mission
144
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,908
which is just
to write an amazing song
145
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,209
to win Regionals with.
146
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,712
Well, I have no idea
who those people are,
147
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,747
but I'm on board.
Let's hear it.
148
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,550
It's just... It's a little rough,
but, uh...
149
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,752
(piano ballad playing)
I think it's really special.
150
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,555
(clears throat)
151
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,759
♪ There you rest, ♪
152
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,762
♪ with all the rest ♪
153
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:33,132
♪ of my accessories ♪
154
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,435
♪ on my night stand. ♪
155
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,006
♪ You're red or yellow, ♪
156
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,576
♪ and like a good fellow. ♪
157
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,112
♪ Sometimes you get lost ♪
158
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,882
♪ in my mess. ♪
159
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:54,320
♪ But when school girl
pigtails won't do, ♪
160
00:05:56,390 --> 00:06:02,428
♪ and I need to control my 'do, ♪
161
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:06,299
♪ you're the only one
I can count on. ♪
162
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,568
♪ My headband. ♪
163
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:12,104
♪ You're my headband. ♪
164
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,508
♪ Wrapped right
around my melon, ♪
165
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,677
♪ you're a product
like Magellan. ♪
166
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,246
Hold...
Hold on. Uh...
167
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,747
Is this song about
your headband?
168
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,849
Yes.
It's called, "My Headband."
169
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,918
They say you should write
about what you know.
170
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,587
Well, uh...
171
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,222
It's really... interesting,
172
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,658
but it's not...
173
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,528
emotional or, like, good.
174
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,029
- It sucks.
- Yeah.
175
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,831
How am I supposed to write
a song like Joni Mitchell
176
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,333
or Carole King?
They've lived.
177
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,436
Well, maybe if you want
to be an artist like them,
178
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,771
you should do a little living.
179
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,274
You're so right.
180
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:51,410
I mean, even now,
181
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,646
it... It's Alcohol Awareness Week,
182
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,048
and we're supposed to sing songs
about the dangers of drinking,
183
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,650
and I've never
even had a drink.
184
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,185
Wait, seriously?
185
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,886
That's why I never got
past second base. Wait.
186
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,755
- Where are you going?
- To find Puckerman.
187
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,291
You know, my journey
from little princess
188
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:09,061
to natural woman begins this
Saturday night at my house.
189
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,496
(school bell ringing)
190
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,998
That sounds awful.
191
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,600
- Is anybody going?
- Let me find out.
192
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,502
(phone beeps)
(phone vibrates)
193
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:19,238
- Did you hear?
- Yes. Mercedes just told me.
194
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,406
Tell them I'll go if they go.
195
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:23,442
Tell them yourself.
I ain't no pony express.
196
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:24,777
(headset beeps)
You're going, right?
197
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,245
Only if there's liquor.
198
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,948
Because a Rachel Berry party
is not something I can do sober.
199
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,583
But it's Alcohol Awareness Week.
200
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,619
Precisely. And I am aware
of how much fun alcohol is.
201
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,987
Let's ask Puckerman.
(phone beeps, phone vibrates)
202
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,222
You're go for Puck.
203
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,556
Noah, it's Santittany
and Artcedes.
204
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,325
Can your friend score us
some wine coolers?
205
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,027
No, but his I.D. can.
206
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,029
Well, if we're all in,
it's settled.
207
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,898
The Rachel Berry House Party
Train Wreck Extravaganza
208
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,633
is officially a go.
209
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,569
Welcome.
210
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,039
Kurt. Blaine.
211
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,875
I wasn't expecting you guys.
212
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,110
FINN: Kurt's been
blackmailing me
213
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,879
ever since he saw
my browser history.
214
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,580
He kind of insisted on coming.
215
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,783
I'm totally off
the clock right now, Rachel.
216
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,184
I'm not a Warbler. I'm just Blaine.
217
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,986
I'm not even wearing my uniform.
218
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,655
So, this is
your dads' Oscar Room.
219
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,924
Yes. They transformed
our ordinary basement
220
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,559
for our famous
annual Oscar parties.
221
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,127
Is that a stage?
222
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,729
I like to give
impromptu performances
223
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,130
for our neighbors sometimes.
224
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,766
Hey, girlfriend. Having fun?
225
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,702
Yeah.
226
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,603
Awesome party.
227
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:28,741
Uh, okay. Let's, uh...
228
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,743
Let's go over the rules.
229
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,678
Everybody gets
two drink tickets
230
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,547
to keep things
from getting out of hand.
231
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,083
We're serving
wine coolers today.
232
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,684
That is our specialty drink.
233
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,320
That's actually
all that we have.
234
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,658
Brittany!
235
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,927
Remember the rules.
No sitting on anything.
236
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,562
Okay. Okay, everybody.
237
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,264
Cheers!
238
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,434
Great party, Rachel.
We got to run.
239
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,069
Yeah, dinner reservations.
240
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,438
But... But we haven't
even played Celebrity yet.
241
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,540
I...
242
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,876
Why is everybody leaving?
243
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,178
Because this party blows.
244
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,081
I haven't even had
my first sip yet.
245
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,849
How am I supposed to
write "Both Sides Now"
246
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,651
if I can't even throw a party?
247
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,653
Look, if you want
everyone to stay,
248
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,789
you have to let me break into
your dads' liquor cabinet.
249
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:20,369
No one's gonna get
buzzed off two wine coolers.
250
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:22,194
I'll replace it
before they get home.
251
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,167
Let's party!
252
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,769
♪ Poppin' bottles in the ice ♪
253
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,137
♪ like a blizzard. ♪
254
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,006
♪ Now I'm feeling so fly, ♪
255
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,442
♪ like a G6. ♪
(all cheering)
256
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,077
Let's go!
♪ Like a G6... ♪
257
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,245
♪ Like a G6... ♪
258
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,582
♪ Now I'm feeling so fly
like a G6... ♪
259
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,617
♪ Give me that Mo-Moet-et... ♪
260
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:48,354
♪ Give me that Cri-Cristal-tal... ♪
261
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,289
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
♪ Ladies love my style ♪
262
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,825
♪ My table getting wild, get,
get get them bottles poppin'. ♪
263
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,893
♪ We get that drip
and that drop. ♪
264
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,328
It tastes like pink.
265
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,364
It tastes like pink!
266
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:02,001
(all cheering and shouting)
267
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,535
♪ Sober girls around me, ♪
268
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,170
♪ they be acting
like they drunk. ♪
269
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,039
♪ They be acting like
they drunk... ♪
270
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,142
♪ Acting, acting like they drunk,
with sober girls... ♪
271
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,343
Are you not drinking?
272
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,946
No. Designated driver.
273
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,114
What about you?
274
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,516
I'm still trying
to impress Blaine.
275
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,285
Can't get too sloppy.
276
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,588
Clearly, he doesn't
have the same concern.
277
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,056
Hey!
278
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,726
It is so cool that you
and Kurt are brothers.
279
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,927
Right?
280
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:31,330
Like, brothers! Wow!
281
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,900
You're so tall.
282
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,169
- You having fun, Blaine?
- Yeah.
283
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,405
This is the best party ever!
284
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,340
Finny.
285
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,608
Dance with me.
286
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:44,276
♪ Fly like a G6... ♪
287
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,245
We had it going on, right?
288
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,714
I wasn't making it
up or anything?
289
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,584
I would do anything for you.
Anything!
290
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,286
Okay, Rachel.
291
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,387
Since this is your
first time at this...
292
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,688
Sit down?
293
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:57,723
I'm going to break
it down for you.
294
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,425
Guys and girls fall
295
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,561
into certain archetypes
when they get drunk.
296
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:06,965
Exhibit A... Santana,
the weepy, hysterical drunk.
297
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,567
You like her more than me.
298
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,936
She's blonde and
awesome and so smart.
299
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,338
Admit it. Just admit it!
300
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,940
No. Kiss me.
301
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,277
Lauren Zizes and Quinn...
The angry girl drunks.
302
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,845
I can't believe what
you did to my body.
303
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,713
- I used to have abs.
- Oh, back off!
304
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:22,871
Who told you that hairstyle was cool?
305
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:23,916
- Geronimo?
- Chill out!
306
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:28,454
Brittany, also known as the girl
who turns into a stripper drunk.
307
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,789
Makin' it rain! Whoo!
308
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,758
That's my girlfriend.
I love you, baby.
309
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,428
Mercedes and Tina...
Happy girl drunks.
310
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,264
(both laughing)
Oh! Oh! Oh!
311
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,400
And then we come around
full circle
312
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,869
right back to you, Rachel.
313
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,405
And right now, you're being
the needy girl drunk.
314
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,141
Hanging all over me,
being overly lovey.
315
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,643
It's not cool.
316
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,379
♪ Now I'm feelin' so fly
like a G6... ♪
317
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,449
What... What kind of girl is this?
318
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,819
♪ Now-Now-Now-Now-Now
Now I'm feelin' so fly like a G6... ♪
319
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,521
Let's play spin the bottle!
320
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:06,225
Who wants to play
spin the bottle?
321
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,659
Spin the bottle.
322
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,728
♪ Feelin' so fly like a G6. ♪
323
00:12:12,415 --> 00:12:15,617
(overlapping chatter
and whooping)
324
00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:19,154
(all exclaiming)
325
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:21,890
SANTANA:
You know what? A reminder.
326
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,692
I owns that guppy mouth.
327
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,863
Those trouty Aerosmith lips
belong to me. So...
328
00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:30,299
(overlapping chatter
and whooping)
329
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,772
You know what this is not?
Hey, honeys.
330
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,607
It's not a Big Red commercial.
No me gusta.
331
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,008
Whoo!
332
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:43,946
Party! It's my turn!
My turn!
333
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,948
(whooping)
334
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,183
(all cheering)
Oh!
335
00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:50,285
(cheering)
Oh!
336
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,588
This is outstanding!
337
00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:55,958
Blaine Warbler,
I'm gonna rock your world.
338
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,426
(laughing)
Yeah!
339
00:12:57,493 --> 00:12:58,827
Oh!
(cheering)
340
00:12:58,895 --> 00:12:59,895
SAM:
Deep! Deep!
341
00:12:59,963 --> 00:13:01,396
More! More! More! More!
342
00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:03,999
More! More!
343
00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:06,902
♪ Johnny, are you queer, boy? ♪
344
00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:09,137
♪ Johnny, are you queer... ♪
345
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,672
Okay, I think
we've had enough of that.
346
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:12,674
(Kurt laughs)
(whooping)
347
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:14,710
ARTIE:
Yeah!
348
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:20,315
Your face...
tastes awesome.
349
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,884
I think I just found
a new duet partner!
350
00:13:22,952 --> 00:13:25,254
(laughter and whooping)
351
00:13:28,191 --> 00:13:30,525
("Don't You Want Me, Baby?"
begins)
352
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:35,497
♪ You were working as a waitress
in a cocktail bar ♪
353
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,799
♪ when I met you. ♪
354
00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:40,335
♪ You... ♪
♪ I picked you out ♪
355
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,138
♪ I shook you up
and turned you around, ♪
356
00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:46,008
♪ turned you into someone new. ♪
357
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,542
♪ New... ♪
358
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:48,377
♪ Don't... ♪
♪ Don't... Don't... ♪
359
00:13:48,444 --> 00:13:50,112
♪ Don't you want me? ♪
360
00:13:50,179 --> 00:13:52,547
♪ You know I can't believe it ♪
361
00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:55,917
♪ when I hear
that you won't see me. ♪
362
00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:57,119
♪ Don't... ♪
♪ Don't... Don't... ♪
363
00:13:57,186 --> 00:13:59,154
♪ Don't you want me? ♪
364
00:13:59,222 --> 00:14:00,822
♪ You know I don't believe it ♪
365
00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:03,158
♪ when you say
that you don't need me. ♪
366
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:05,193
♪ It's much too late to find ♪
367
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,162
♪ you think
you've changed your mind. ♪
368
00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:11,333
♪ You better change it back,
or we will both be sorry. ♪
369
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:15,737
♪ Don't you want me, baby? ♪
370
00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:19,174
♪ Don't you want me?
Oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪
371
00:14:19,242 --> 00:14:23,712
♪ Don't you want me, baby? ♪
372
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,882
♪ Don't you want me?
Oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪
373
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:31,119
♪ I was working as a waitress
in a cocktail bar, ♪
374
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:33,689
♪ that much is true. ♪
375
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:35,924
♪ True... ♪
376
00:14:35,992 --> 00:14:38,694
♪ But even then I knew
I'd find a much better place, ♪
377
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:42,164
♪ either with or without you. ♪
(slurred mumbling)
378
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:43,432
♪ Without you... ♪
379
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:44,866
♪ Don't... ♪
♪ Don't... ♪
380
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:46,168
♪ Don't you want me? ♪
381
00:14:46,235 --> 00:14:47,302
♪ Don't you want me? ♪
382
00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:48,937
♪ You know I can't believe it ♪
383
00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:51,440
♪ when I hear
that you won't see me. ♪
384
00:14:51,507 --> 00:14:53,642
♪ It's much too late to find ♪
385
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:54,943
♪ you think
you've changed your mind. ♪
386
00:14:55,011 --> 00:14:58,780
♪ You better change it back,
or we will both be sorry. ♪
387
00:14:58,848 --> 00:15:02,050
♪ Don't you want me, baby? ♪
388
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,719
I want you. I do.
389
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:07,122
♪ Don't you want me?
Oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪
390
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:09,691
♪ Don't you want me, baby? ♪
391
00:15:09,759 --> 00:15:12,094
♪ Oh, oh... ♪
392
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,497
♪ Don't you want me?
Oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪
393
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:18,900
♪ Don't you want me, baby? ♪
394
00:15:18,968 --> 00:15:21,336
(cheering, applause
and whooping)
395
00:15:21,404 --> 00:15:24,306
Hey, Kurt, come give me a hand
with these eggs.
396
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:26,408
KURT:
I'll be down in a minute!
397
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:29,044
What the hell is a shirred egg?
398
00:15:29,112 --> 00:15:32,314
Is that... Is that the
same thing as a scrambled egg?
399
00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:34,816
Hey, what's this?
400
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:37,152
Today was the day you were going
to teach me all about brunch.
401
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,020
I'll be down in a sec.
402
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,391
(Blaine sighs)
403
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:44,826
Oh, where am I?
404
00:15:44,894 --> 00:15:47,796
Oh. Uh, I'm sorry. My bad.
405
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:52,901
(Blaine groans)
406
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:54,369
(school bell ringing)
407
00:15:54,437 --> 00:15:55,971
I need to close my locker,
408
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,006
and it's going to
sound like a gunshot.
409
00:15:58,074 --> 00:15:59,641
I have had the worst hangover
410
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,610
since Saturday,
and it's Monday.
411
00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:03,578
I've been dry-heaving
all weekend.
412
00:16:03,646 --> 00:16:05,714
When my mother asked
what the sound was,
413
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:07,616
I said that I was
practicing bird calls.
414
00:16:07,683 --> 00:16:09,017
You guys, I can't stop barfing.
415
00:16:09,085 --> 00:16:10,218
Please don't say "barf."
416
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:11,653
I caught a whiff of hairspray
417
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,789
and went full Linda Blair
in the girls' bathroom.
418
00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:15,690
I told my mom I had the flu,
419
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,492
and she made me
a traditional tea
420
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,860
made out of panda hair.
421
00:16:18,928 --> 00:16:20,695
Can we talk
about anything else?
422
00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:22,597
How about some
Bloody Marys, y'all?
423
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:23,832
Are you kidding me?
424
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,101
The last thing
I want to do is drink.
425
00:16:26,169 --> 00:16:27,269
It'll help your hangover.
426
00:16:27,336 --> 00:16:29,838
That's what Bloody Marys are for.
427
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:33,442
Hair of the dog
that done bit your ass.
428
00:16:33,509 --> 00:16:35,710
(Jamie Foxx's "Blame lt
On the Alcohol" begins)
429
00:16:35,778 --> 00:16:38,713
♪ Blame it on the Goose,
got you feeling loose. ♪
430
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:41,349
♪ Blame it on the 'Tron,
got you in the zone. ♪
431
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,152
♪ Blame it
on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
432
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,889
♪ Blame it on the
a-a a-a-a a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
433
00:16:47,957 --> 00:16:50,459
♪ Ay, she say
she usually don't, ♪
434
00:16:50,526 --> 00:16:52,894
♪ but I know that she front. ♪
435
00:16:52,962 --> 00:16:55,497
♪ 'Cause shorty
know what she want, ♪
436
00:16:55,565 --> 00:16:59,301
♪ but she don't wanna seem
like she's easy. ♪
437
00:16:59,368 --> 00:17:01,736
♪ I ain't saying
what you won't do, ♪
438
00:17:01,804 --> 00:17:03,939
♪ but you know
we probably gonna do. ♪
439
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:07,709
♪ What you've been feelin'
deep inside, ♪
440
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:08,910
♪ don't lie now. ♪
441
00:17:08,978 --> 00:17:10,512
♪ Boy, what you drinking? ♪
442
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:12,347
♪ Gonna let it sink in. ♪
443
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:13,982
♪ Here for the weekend
thinking ♪
444
00:17:14,050 --> 00:17:17,686
♪ we can see what we can be
if we press fast forward. ♪
445
00:17:17,753 --> 00:17:20,255
♪ Just one more round
and you're down, I know it. ♪
446
00:17:20,323 --> 00:17:23,225
♪ Fill another cup up,
feeling on yo butt, what? ♪
447
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,794
♪ You don't even care now,
I was unaware how ♪
448
00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:28,897
♪ fine you was
before my buzz set in. ♪
449
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,399
♪ My buzz set in... ♪
♪ Blame it on the Goose. ♪
450
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,435
♪ Blame it on the Goose... ♪
♪ Got you feeling loose. ♪
451
00:17:33,503 --> 00:17:35,504
♪ Blame it on the 'Tron, got you in the zone. ♪
♪ Alcohol... ♪
452
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:38,507
♪ Blame it
on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
453
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:41,643
♪ Blame it on the
a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
454
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,778
♪ Blame it on the vodka,
blame it on the Henny. ♪
455
00:17:43,846 --> 00:17:46,615
♪ Blame it on the blue top,
got you feeling dizzy. ♪
456
00:17:46,682 --> 00:17:49,584
♪ Blame it on the
a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
457
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,153
♪ Blame it on the
a-a a-a-a a-a-a a-alcohol. ♪
458
00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:54,322
♪ Now to the ballas poppin'
bottles with their Henny ♪
459
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,691
♪ in their cups,
screaming money ain't a thing ♪
460
00:17:56,759 --> 00:17:59,494
♪ if you ain't throw it up
in the sky. ♪
461
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:01,730
♪ In the sky... ♪
♪ And hold your drinks up high. ♪
462
00:18:01,797 --> 00:18:03,365
♪ Up high... ♪
463
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:06,134
♪ And to my independent mamas
who can buy their own bottles. ♪
464
00:18:06,202 --> 00:18:08,970
♪ If you looking like a model
when them broke fellas holla. ♪
465
00:18:09,038 --> 00:18:11,273
♪ Tell them bye. ♪
♪ Bye... ♪
466
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,109
♪ And hold your drinks
up high. ♪
467
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,711
♪ Blame it on the Goose,
got you feeling loose. ♪
468
00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:19,247
♪ Blame it on the 'Tron,
got you in the zone. ♪
469
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:22,050
♪ Blame it
on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
470
00:18:22,118 --> 00:18:24,853
♪ Blame it on the
a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
471
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:27,322
♪ Blame it on the vodka,
blame it on the Henny. ♪
472
00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:30,659
♪ Blame it on that blue top,
got you feeling dizzy. ♪
473
00:18:30,726 --> 00:18:33,228
♪ Blame it on the
a-a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
474
00:18:33,296 --> 00:18:37,299
♪ Blame it on the
a-a a-a-a a-a-a-a alcohol. ♪
475
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,668
Well done, you guys.
476
00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:41,136
I mean, you always bring it
477
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,537
with the singing
and the dancing,
478
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:43,905
but what I was really
impressed with today
479
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:45,073
was your acting.
480
00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:46,374
I truly thought
481
00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:47,576
that some of you guys
were drunk.
482
00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:49,177
We take our craft serious.
483
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,313
Problem is, that song is great,
484
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,182
but it... It kind of glorifies
drinking, don't you think?
485
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:56,117
We're supposed
to sing about the dangers
486
00:18:56,185 --> 00:18:57,852
of alcohol for this assembly.
487
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,155
Well, good luck finding
a song that does that.
488
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,323
RACHEL:
Mr. Shue?
489
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,024
First of all,
that vest is very cute.
490
00:19:03,092 --> 00:19:05,126
You are all kinds of awesome.
491
00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:07,329
But second,
maybe there's really no songs
492
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,764
about the dangers of drinking
because there's really none
493
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:12,334
as long as you have
a proper designated driver.
494
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,536
I ever told you
how great you are?
495
00:19:14,604 --> 00:19:15,637
- Whoa.
- WILL: Well, Rachel, yeah.
496
00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:17,072
Driving drunk is dangerous.
497
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,374
And have you guys ever heard
of alcohol poisoning?
498
00:19:19,442 --> 00:19:21,643
Yeah, it kills about 400 people
every year. Uh...
499
00:19:22,612 --> 00:19:23,845
(crying)
500
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,280
Santana, are you...
Are you crying?
501
00:19:25,348 --> 00:19:26,982
I'm okay. I'm okay.
502
00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:28,216
QUINN:
You're such a hypocrite.
503
00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:30,151
You drink. Most adults do.
504
00:19:30,219 --> 00:19:32,153
Well, I may have a beer
every now and then,
505
00:19:32,221 --> 00:19:33,521
but I don't...
I don't get drunk.
506
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,956
We're just saying
this is a waste of time.
507
00:19:35,024 --> 00:19:36,524
I mean, we're totally
aware of alcohol.
508
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,026
We see adults
drinking it and having fun.
509
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,995
Every commercial during NASCAR
is for beer.
510
00:19:40,062 --> 00:19:42,263
Okay. Enough, guys.
511
00:19:42,331 --> 00:19:44,332
Look, tomorrow come
with your thinking caps on,
512
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,368
because we're going
to spend the entire day
513
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,738
brainstorming ideas for songs
to sing at this assembly.
514
00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:51,873
(sighs, school bell rings)
515
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,274
Am I out of touch?
516
00:19:53,342 --> 00:19:55,677
I mean, I used to drink
a lot more when I was their age.
517
00:19:55,745 --> 00:19:58,179
Most of the time it was just
to deal with Terri, but I mean,
518
00:19:58,247 --> 00:19:59,748
who am I to tell them
not to drink
519
00:19:59,815 --> 00:20:01,149
when I blacked out
a couple of times
520
00:20:01,217 --> 00:20:02,917
when I was their age,
and I ended up okay?
521
00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:04,953
You're taking
this way too hard.
522
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:06,054
Something else going on?
523
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,455
Let's see.
524
00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,991
Um... My divorce is starting
to really sink in.
525
00:20:10,059 --> 00:20:12,327
Sue's coaching my competition
at Regionals.
526
00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:15,263
And Emma is looking for a house
with her husband.
527
00:20:15,331 --> 00:20:16,665
Is that all?
528
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:20,235
- What do you do for stress relief?
- Exercise.
529
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,238
Well, me, too, but that's a little
too close to being productive.
530
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,640
You got to get a little
ridiculous, man, burn off
531
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:27,242
- some of that angst.
- You have any suggestions?
532
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,743
Tomorrow night,
533
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,645
you're tagging along with me
for my stress relief.
534
00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:34,382
We're going to a little place
they call Rosalita's Roadhouse.
535
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:37,552
Isn't that like
a honky-tonk bar?
536
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:40,722
You ain't lived till you've
seen me in a... ♪ cowboy hat! ♪
537
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:41,723
(twangy hum)
538
00:20:41,791 --> 00:20:43,958
(both laugh)
539
00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,323
("So Far Away"
by Carole King plays)
540
00:20:51,861 --> 00:20:55,630
♪ So far away... ♪
541
00:20:55,698 --> 00:21:00,168
♪ Doesn't anybody stay
in one place anymore? ♪
542
00:21:00,236 --> 00:21:02,103
- I didn't drink that much.
- Are you kidding?
543
00:21:02,171 --> 00:21:04,306
You spent the entire night
sucking Rachel Berry's face.
544
00:21:04,373 --> 00:21:06,641
(phone vibrates)
That, sir, is what we call rock bottom.
545
00:21:06,709 --> 00:21:08,310
Oh, my God.
Speak of the devil.
546
00:21:08,377 --> 00:21:09,444
Two medium drips.
547
00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:10,712
Hi, Rachel.
548
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:12,614
Kurt and I were just
talking about you.
549
00:21:12,682 --> 00:21:16,551
You're such a cutie pie
with your blazer and your pants.
550
00:21:16,619 --> 00:21:19,521
So...
551
00:21:19,589 --> 00:21:21,756
I have a question for you.
552
00:21:21,824 --> 00:21:23,558
I wanted to know...
553
00:21:23,626 --> 00:21:24,826
Oh, my God.
Is she drunk?
554
00:21:24,894 --> 00:21:26,294
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
555
00:21:26,362 --> 00:21:29,097
Uh, yeah. Uh-huh.
556
00:21:29,165 --> 00:21:30,999
All right, I'll see you then.
557
00:21:31,067 --> 00:21:33,235
Okay, bye.
558
00:21:35,037 --> 00:21:37,339
Rachel just asked me out.
559
00:21:37,406 --> 00:21:38,640
Oh, that's amazing.
560
00:21:38,708 --> 00:21:40,508
She's got a girl crush on you.
561
00:21:40,576 --> 00:21:42,878
(Kurt laughs)
562
00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:45,013
Wait a second.
Why'd you say yes?
563
00:21:45,081 --> 00:21:46,214
You can't lead her on.
564
00:21:46,282 --> 00:21:47,582
Who says I'm leading her on?
565
00:21:49,352 --> 00:21:51,052
You can't be serious.
566
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:54,022
When we kissed, it...
It felt good.
567
00:21:54,090 --> 00:21:56,091
It felt good
because you were drunk.
568
00:21:56,158 --> 00:21:58,460
What's the harm in going out
on one crummy little date?
569
00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:01,229
- You're gay, Blaine!
- I... thought I was, but...
570
00:22:01,297 --> 00:22:03,398
I've never even had
a boyfriend before.
571
00:22:03,466 --> 00:22:06,568
Isn't this the time you're
supposed to... figure stuff out?
572
00:22:06,636 --> 00:22:08,803
- I can't believe I'm hearing this right now.
- Maybe I'm bi. I don't know.
573
00:22:08,871 --> 00:22:11,106
Bisexual's a term that
gay guys in high school use
574
00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:13,508
when they want to hold hands
with girls and feel like
575
00:22:13,576 --> 00:22:15,343
- a normal person for a change.
- Whoa, wait, wait.
576
00:22:15,411 --> 00:22:17,779
- Why are you so angry?
- Because I look up to you.
577
00:22:17,847 --> 00:22:19,447
I admire how proud you are
578
00:22:19,515 --> 00:22:21,316
of who you are.
I know what it's like
579
00:22:21,384 --> 00:22:23,318
to be in the closet,
and here you are
580
00:22:23,386 --> 00:22:26,288
- about to tiptoe back in.
- I'm really sorry if this hurts your feelings
581
00:22:26,355 --> 00:22:28,023
or your pride or whatever,
582
00:22:28,090 --> 00:22:30,592
but however confusing
it might be for you,
583
00:22:30,660 --> 00:22:33,495
it's actually a lot more
confusing for me.
584
00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:37,098
You're 100% sure who you are.
Fantastic.
585
00:22:37,166 --> 00:22:40,068
Well... Maybe we all
can't be so lucky.
586
00:22:40,136 --> 00:22:41,703
Yeah, I have...
I've had a lot of luck, Blaine.
587
00:22:41,771 --> 00:22:44,005
I was really lucky to be
chased out of high school
588
00:22:44,073 --> 00:22:45,573
by a bully who
threatened to kill me.
589
00:22:45,641 --> 00:22:47,075
And why did he do that?
590
00:22:47,143 --> 00:22:48,643
Because he didn't
like who I was.
591
00:22:48,711 --> 00:22:50,979
Sort of exactly what you're
saying to me right now.
592
00:22:51,047 --> 00:22:54,249
Isn't it?
593
00:22:54,317 --> 00:22:56,551
I am...
(sighs)
594
00:22:56,619 --> 00:22:58,119
I'm searching, okay?
595
00:22:58,187 --> 00:23:00,689
I am honestly just
trying to figure out
596
00:23:00,756 --> 00:23:02,190
who I am, and for you,
597
00:23:02,258 --> 00:23:04,759
of all people,
to get down on me for that,
598
00:23:04,827 --> 00:23:07,429
I didn't think
that's who you were.
599
00:23:07,496 --> 00:23:10,298
I'll see you.
600
00:23:10,366 --> 00:23:14,469
I'd say "bye," but I wouldn't
want to make you angry.
601
00:23:17,573 --> 00:23:21,409
(country-western intro plays)
602
00:23:21,477 --> 00:23:24,746
♪ Last night I went to town, ♪
603
00:23:24,814 --> 00:23:28,116
♪ hit every bar around, ♪
604
00:23:28,184 --> 00:23:31,519
♪ a hundred bottles
of beer on the wall. ♪
605
00:23:31,587 --> 00:23:33,555
♪ I thought I could
drink 'em all... ♪
606
00:23:36,425 --> 00:23:37,492
Whoo!
607
00:23:40,363 --> 00:23:41,663
(laughing)
608
00:23:42,531 --> 00:23:43,465
(song ends)
609
00:23:43,532 --> 00:23:45,500
(cheering, whooping)
610
00:23:45,568 --> 00:23:47,769
I wanna welcome everybody
611
00:23:47,837 --> 00:23:49,804
to Rosalita's Roadhouse,
where the men are men
612
00:23:49,872 --> 00:23:51,206
and the sheep are nervous.
613
00:23:51,273 --> 00:23:53,708
A, uh, special warm welcome
to Will Schuester,
614
00:23:53,776 --> 00:23:56,044
joining us here
for the first time tonight.
615
00:23:56,112 --> 00:23:58,580
My friend
Shannon the Cannon here
616
00:23:58,647 --> 00:24:02,050
tells me Will wants to hop up
on stage and sing us a song.
617
00:24:02,118 --> 00:24:03,251
(cheering)
618
00:24:03,319 --> 00:24:05,820
Come on up here, cowboy.
619
00:24:05,888 --> 00:24:06,855
Whoo!
620
00:24:06,922 --> 00:24:08,990
(cheering, whistling)
621
00:24:13,162 --> 00:24:15,030
I hate you for this.
(laughs)
622
00:24:15,097 --> 00:24:17,332
You know, you know, I...
I am not singing anything
623
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,067
without my gal here.
624
00:24:19,135 --> 00:24:21,603
Come on, bring her a microphone,
bring her a microphone.
625
00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:22,771
(cheering, whooping)
626
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:25,507
(bluesy intro plays)
627
00:24:25,574 --> 00:24:27,542
(shouting, whooping)
628
00:24:27,610 --> 00:24:30,845
♪ I want to tell you a story ♪
629
00:24:30,913 --> 00:24:33,882
♪ about the house rent blues. ♪
630
00:24:36,352 --> 00:24:38,887
♪ I come home one Friday, ♪
631
00:24:38,954 --> 00:24:41,756
♪ had to tell the landlady
I done lost my job. ♪
632
00:24:41,824 --> 00:24:43,358
AUDIENCE MEMBERS:
Aw...
633
00:24:43,426 --> 00:24:44,692
♪ Mm, mm... ♪
634
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,295
♪ She said,
"That don't comfort me ♪
635
00:24:47,363 --> 00:24:50,098
♪ long as I get my money
next Friday." ♪
636
00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:53,568
♪ Now, next Friday come,
I didn't get the rent, ♪
637
00:24:53,636 --> 00:24:56,438
♪ and out the door I went. ♪
638
00:24:56,505 --> 00:25:01,976
♪ One bourbon,
one scotch and one beer. ♪
639
00:25:02,044 --> 00:25:03,344
(crowd shouts, whoops)
640
00:25:03,412 --> 00:25:06,815
♪ Well, I ain't seen my baby
since I don't know when. ♪
641
00:25:06,882 --> 00:25:10,919
♪ I've been drinking bourbon,
whiskey, scotch and gin. ♪
642
00:25:10,986 --> 00:25:12,420
♪ Gonna get high, man. ♪
643
00:25:12,488 --> 00:25:13,988
♪ I'm gonna get loose. ♪
644
00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:17,592
♪ Need me a triple shot
of that juice. ♪
645
00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:18,726
♪ Gonna get drunk. ♪
646
00:25:18,794 --> 00:25:20,829
♪ Don't you have no fear. ♪
647
00:25:20,896 --> 00:25:24,432
♪ I want one bourbon,
one scotch and one beer. ♪
648
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:29,270
♪ One bourbon,
one scotch and one beer. ♪
649
00:25:29,338 --> 00:25:31,773
Ha!
650
00:25:31,841 --> 00:25:35,143
♪ I ain't seen my baby
since the night before last. ♪
651
00:25:35,211 --> 00:25:36,978
♪ Gonna get a drink, man. ♪
652
00:25:37,046 --> 00:25:38,746
♪ I'm gonna get gassed. ♪
653
00:25:38,814 --> 00:25:40,415
♪ Got to get high, man. ♪
654
00:25:40,483 --> 00:25:41,749
♪ I ain't had enough. ♪
655
00:25:42,852 --> 00:25:45,253
♪ Need me a triple
shot of that stuff. ♪
656
00:25:45,321 --> 00:25:46,488
♪ Gonna get drunk. ♪
657
00:25:46,555 --> 00:25:49,290
♪ Won't you listen right here? ♪
658
00:25:49,358 --> 00:25:52,594
♪ I want one bourbon,
one shot and one beer. ♪
659
00:25:52,661 --> 00:25:56,898
♪ One bourbon,
one scotch and one beer. ♪
660
00:25:56,966 --> 00:25:57,832
I want all that!
661
00:25:59,502 --> 00:26:05,373
♪ One bourbon,
one scotch and one beer. ♪
662
00:26:05,441 --> 00:26:07,075
Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
663
00:26:07,143 --> 00:26:07,909
(cheering)
664
00:26:07,977 --> 00:26:09,444
Drinks on me!
665
00:26:09,512 --> 00:26:11,713
Thanks for helping
with the party cleanup.
666
00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:14,449
Especially considering
that you didn't even drink.
667
00:26:14,517 --> 00:26:16,217
Well, I was in
the neighborhood.
668
00:26:16,285 --> 00:26:18,186
At 10:00?
Are you sure you're not here
669
00:26:18,254 --> 00:26:20,355
just to find out how
my date with Blaine went?
670
00:26:20,422 --> 00:26:21,856
Oh, was that tonight?
671
00:26:21,924 --> 00:26:24,626
Look, we're friends, so...
672
00:26:24,693 --> 00:26:26,628
I'm gonna be honest with you.
673
00:26:27,997 --> 00:26:29,931
The date was lovely.
674
00:26:29,999 --> 00:26:31,666
We saw Love Story at
the Revival Theater.
675
00:26:31,734 --> 00:26:34,102
We even dressed up
as the characters.
676
00:26:34,170 --> 00:26:35,670
That's not gay at all.
677
00:26:35,738 --> 00:26:37,972
- Did you kiss?
- No. Our lips
678
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,175
spent the evening mouthing
Ali McGraw's dialogue.
679
00:26:40,242 --> 00:26:42,243
Frankly, I did expect
a little snog
680
00:26:42,311 --> 00:26:44,579
as the date drew
to a close, but...
681
00:26:44,647 --> 00:26:46,381
I guess the timing
just wasn't right.
682
00:26:46,448 --> 00:26:47,749
Or the blood-alcohol level.
683
00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:50,585
Look... I know that
you have feelings for him,
684
00:26:50,653 --> 00:26:53,688
and I'm sure you think
I'm crazy for asking him out,
685
00:26:53,756 --> 00:26:55,190
but Blaine is
obviously conflicted,
686
00:26:55,257 --> 00:26:56,724
and if he turns out not
687
00:26:56,792 --> 00:26:59,527
to be gay, well, then I guess I
will have done you a favor.
688
00:26:59,595 --> 00:27:03,064
And I'm doing you a favor
by telling you that Blaine
689
00:27:03,132 --> 00:27:06,834
is the first of a long line
of conflicted men that
690
00:27:06,902 --> 00:27:08,203
you will date that will later
691
00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:10,405
turn out to be only
the most flaming of homosexuals.
692
00:27:10,472 --> 00:27:12,540
Blaine and I have
a lot in common.
693
00:27:12,608 --> 00:27:15,877
A sentiment expressed
by many a hag about many a gay.
694
00:27:15,945 --> 00:27:18,213
Look, I don't doubt
that you and Blaine
695
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,150
would have a jolly good time
shopping at Burberry
696
00:27:22,218 --> 00:27:25,253
and arguing who would make
the better Rum Tum Tugger...
697
00:27:25,321 --> 00:27:27,121
I don't dispute that...
698
00:27:27,189 --> 00:27:29,657
But there's something you
and Blaine will never have...
699
00:27:29,725 --> 00:27:31,326
And that's chemistry.
700
00:27:33,362 --> 00:27:35,730
Fine.
701
00:27:35,798 --> 00:27:37,565
Then I'm gonna prove you wrong.
702
00:27:37,633 --> 00:27:39,067
I'm gonna take
703
00:27:39,134 --> 00:27:41,202
the beer goggles off,
and I'm gonna kiss him sober.
704
00:27:41,270 --> 00:27:44,272
And if the spark is still there,
then I'm taking you
705
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:47,976
to your bakery of choice for a
piping hot slice of humble pie.
706
00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:54,396
(Beiste laughs)
707
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,765
Whoa! Whoa, whoa,
easy, partner.
708
00:27:56,833 --> 00:27:58,901
(slurring): Can I get
you something to drink?
709
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:00,703
Oh, no, no, no, no.
710
00:28:00,770 --> 00:28:02,738
- Taxi's waiting.
- All right.
711
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:05,007
(exhales)
How are you not drunk?
712
00:28:05,075 --> 00:28:06,876
We drank exactly
the same amount.
713
00:28:06,943 --> 00:28:08,644
I got a hollow leg.
714
00:28:08,712 --> 00:28:10,579
(laughs)
You got a hollow leg!
715
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:12,348
You gonna be okay?
716
00:28:12,415 --> 00:28:13,916
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
717
00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:17,052
(grunts)
I just... just got to grade some papers
718
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:18,587
and... I'm still looking
719
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:20,923
for a song for the kids to sing
720
00:28:20,991 --> 00:28:23,659
at the Alcohol
Awareness Assembly.
721
00:28:23,727 --> 00:28:25,027
- Oh...
- Yes, uh...
722
00:28:25,095 --> 00:28:27,630
The kids
want to sing a Ke$ha song...
723
00:28:27,697 --> 00:28:31,867
but, uh, it just makes drinking
seem like a lot of fun.
724
00:28:31,935 --> 00:28:33,602
Sometimes it is fun.
725
00:28:33,670 --> 00:28:35,671
Exactly.
(chuckles)
726
00:28:35,739 --> 00:28:37,139
Like tonight.
727
00:28:37,207 --> 00:28:39,808
That's the most fun I've had
in a really long time.
728
00:28:39,876 --> 00:28:41,777
- I mean, we were careful.
- Mm-hmm.
729
00:28:41,845 --> 00:28:43,445
- We didn't drive.
- Mm, yeah.
730
00:28:43,513 --> 00:28:44,647
What's wrong with that?
731
00:28:44,714 --> 00:28:47,316
- Nothin'.
- Nothin's wrong with that.
732
00:28:47,384 --> 00:28:49,385
Except we're not
teenagers anymore, Will.
733
00:28:51,087 --> 00:28:52,354
You know?
734
00:28:52,422 --> 00:28:54,089
The way I see it,
735
00:28:54,157 --> 00:28:55,624
you can't just lecture kids.
736
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:57,860
I mean, we can't stop
them from drinking
737
00:28:57,928 --> 00:28:59,795
if that's what
they're gonna do.
738
00:28:59,863 --> 00:29:01,597
I mean, the best we can do
739
00:29:01,665 --> 00:29:04,033
is make them aware of
the dangers and just...
740
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,234
hope they're smart enough
741
00:29:05,302 --> 00:29:08,604
to make a good
decision on their own.
742
00:29:08,672 --> 00:29:10,539
(laughing)
743
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:14,376
Nut. All right, buddy,
I'm out of here.
744
00:29:14,444 --> 00:29:15,811
- Okay.
- Don't get up.
745
00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:17,246
(grunts)
I'm not...
746
00:29:17,314 --> 00:29:19,248
- All right, hey.
- Yes?
747
00:29:19,316 --> 00:29:21,650
You just make sure you
drink lots of water.
748
00:29:21,718 --> 00:29:23,185
- Okay?
- Mwa!
749
00:29:23,253 --> 00:29:24,954
I love you.
750
00:29:25,021 --> 00:29:26,622
Right back at you.
751
00:29:26,690 --> 00:29:28,357
Yay, happy face.
752
00:29:28,425 --> 00:29:30,259
Okay.
753
00:29:30,327 --> 00:29:31,961
(belches)
754
00:29:32,028 --> 00:29:34,430
That was a valiant effort.
755
00:29:34,497 --> 00:29:36,098
You get a A-plus.
756
00:29:36,166 --> 00:29:37,066
That's how I roll.
757
00:29:37,133 --> 00:29:40,102
I don't even know who you are.
758
00:29:45,041 --> 00:29:46,542
Oh, what the hell?
759
00:29:49,045 --> 00:29:53,782
Hey, there... sexy lady.
(chuckles)
760
00:29:53,850 --> 00:29:56,185
I know it's late.
761
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:59,288
And... I know you're taken,
762
00:29:59,356 --> 00:30:01,457
and I've had
a couple drinks, but...
763
00:30:03,393 --> 00:30:07,663
...there's something I really,
really want to say to you.
764
00:30:07,731 --> 00:30:09,565
(school bell rings)
765
00:30:11,067 --> 00:30:12,568
William!
766
00:30:12,635 --> 00:30:14,903
Can't wait to see what your
New Directions are planning
767
00:30:14,971 --> 00:30:16,939
for the assembly.
I know we've had issues
768
00:30:17,007 --> 00:30:19,274
with your kids performing
in front of the school,
769
00:30:19,342 --> 00:30:21,877
but I have a really good feeling
about this one.
770
00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:23,312
(whispers):
Why are you screaming?
771
00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:24,947
I'm not screaming.
Are you okay?
772
00:30:25,015 --> 00:30:27,716
Oh... Wow, your cologne
is just really strong.
773
00:30:27,784 --> 00:30:30,019
It's Drakar Noir!
774
00:30:30,086 --> 00:30:31,620
- Emma.
- Ooh...
775
00:30:31,688 --> 00:30:33,822
Will, you look terrible.
776
00:30:33,890 --> 00:30:35,624
Considering how much I drank,
777
00:30:35,692 --> 00:30:37,292
I think I'm lucky to be alive.
778
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,161
(laughs)
Although I kind of wish I was dead.
779
00:30:39,229 --> 00:30:41,196
I am so embarrassed.
780
00:30:41,264 --> 00:30:43,665
Why? I mean, besides
the fact that you drank
781
00:30:43,733 --> 00:30:46,335
like a frat boy and you're
well into your 30's.
782
00:30:46,403 --> 00:30:48,904
- Please don't make me say it.
- Sorry?
783
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,691
I don't even remember
half the things I said to you.
784
00:30:50,714 --> 00:30:53,642
- I... I'm not following.
- I... I drunk-dialed you last night.
785
00:30:53,710 --> 00:30:55,277
No, you didn't.
786
00:30:55,345 --> 00:30:57,246
I mean, I didn't get
a single message.
787
00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,848
What would you have said that
you'd be embarrassed about?
788
00:30:59,916 --> 00:31:00,983
Nothing.
789
00:31:01,051 --> 00:31:02,785
(school bell rings)
(both laughing)
790
00:31:02,852 --> 00:31:04,286
I... I... This must have been
791
00:31:04,354 --> 00:31:06,755
a really elaborate, uh,
booze dream, yeah.
792
00:31:06,823 --> 00:31:08,590
SUE:
It's time, Will.
793
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:10,626
I've arranged to have you
committed for 48 hours,
794
00:31:10,693 --> 00:31:12,061
and it's not gonna be easy.
795
00:31:12,128 --> 00:31:14,797
Those state institutions
tend to turn the fire hose
796
00:31:14,864 --> 00:31:16,565
on patients going
through the D.T.'s,
797
00:31:16,633 --> 00:31:18,500
but at this point,
I have no other option
798
00:31:18,568 --> 00:31:19,601
but a forced intervention.
799
00:31:19,669 --> 00:31:22,604
Sue, I do not have
a drinking problem.
800
00:31:22,672 --> 00:31:24,506
Really? Then what's with
the Corey Hart imitation?
801
00:31:24,574 --> 00:31:25,541
(sighs)
802
00:31:25,608 --> 00:31:27,709
Will, I'm trying to save you.
803
00:31:27,777 --> 00:31:30,312
Why? All you ever want
to do is destroy me.
804
00:31:30,346 --> 00:31:33,182
Yeah, well, it's kind of like
nursing a P.O.W. back to health
805
00:31:33,249 --> 00:31:35,384
so he's at his strongest
when you torture him to death.
806
00:31:35,452 --> 00:31:36,985
(groans)
807
00:31:37,053 --> 00:31:38,487
All right, Will,
you had your chance
808
00:31:38,555 --> 00:31:39,988
to do this the easy way.
809
00:31:40,056 --> 00:31:41,790
KURT: Souffle is all
about the whites.
810
00:31:41,858 --> 00:31:44,726
If you get yolk in it or you don't
let it stiffen properly
811
00:31:44,794 --> 00:31:46,628
then you might as well
be making pancakes.
812
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:49,465
All right. You think the one
we already made is ready yet?
813
00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:50,699
I hope so.
814
00:31:50,767 --> 00:31:52,734
All right, let's check it out.
815
00:31:52,802 --> 00:31:54,536
Here we go.
816
00:31:54,604 --> 00:31:56,238
Ta-da.
(sighs)
817
00:31:56,306 --> 00:31:58,440
You didn't leave enough room
in the dish to let it rise.
818
00:31:58,508 --> 00:32:00,776
Hey, I'm sorry...
Why are you being so hard on me?
819
00:32:00,844 --> 00:32:03,512
I would've been happy with you
teaching me to make toast.
820
00:32:03,580 --> 00:32:06,448
I'm sorry, Dad, I know this is
supposed to be bonding time, but...
821
00:32:06,516 --> 00:32:07,916
It's Blaine.
822
00:32:07,984 --> 00:32:10,552
He's interested...
in Rachel.
823
00:32:12,021 --> 00:32:14,022
I'm confused.
I thought he was gay, too.
824
00:32:14,090 --> 00:32:15,424
Oh, he is, he is.
825
00:32:15,492 --> 00:32:18,660
He's just...
experimenting.
826
00:32:18,728 --> 00:32:21,230
(laughs)
Yeah. He's not the only one.
827
00:32:21,297 --> 00:32:22,698
What does that mean?
828
00:32:22,765 --> 00:32:24,600
Look, I need you to ask me
829
00:32:24,667 --> 00:32:26,435
before you have
someone sleep over.
830
00:32:26,503 --> 00:32:28,137
We... We were fully clothed
the entire time,
831
00:32:28,204 --> 00:32:31,240
and Blaine was too drunk to drive,
so I let him crash here.
832
00:32:31,307 --> 00:32:32,441
I was being responsible.
833
00:32:32,509 --> 00:32:33,842
Wait a minute,
you kids are drinking now?
834
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,644
Finn and I didn't have any.
835
00:32:35,712 --> 00:32:37,346
If that's what
you're worried about.
836
00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:38,647
No. I'm worried
837
00:32:38,715 --> 00:32:41,950
about you being
inappropriate in my house.
838
00:32:42,018 --> 00:32:44,853
And if Puckerman had
a sleepover with Finn,
839
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,722
would that be inappropriate?
840
00:32:46,789 --> 00:32:48,690
- That's different.
- Because they wouldn't have sex?
841
00:32:48,758 --> 00:32:54,763
No, I would never allow Finn
to have a girl sleep over in his bed.
842
00:32:54,831 --> 00:32:56,732
But would it make you
uncomfortable if he did?
843
00:32:56,799 --> 00:32:58,700
Hey, when have
I been uncomfortable
844
00:32:58,768 --> 00:33:00,969
- with you being gay?
- So it's not being gay that upsets you,
845
00:33:01,037 --> 00:33:02,337
it's just me acting on it.
846
00:33:02,405 --> 00:33:05,140
I don't know what two guys do
when they're together.
847
00:33:05,208 --> 00:33:07,876
You know, I sat through
that whole Brokeback Mountain.
848
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,444
From what I gather,
849
00:33:09,512 --> 00:33:11,246
something went down
in the tent.
850
00:33:11,314 --> 00:33:12,781
Okay. What do you want
from me here, Dad? I...
851
00:33:12,849 --> 00:33:15,717
I want you to apologize
for being inappropriate
852
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:18,387
and promise me
you'll never do it again.
853
00:33:19,556 --> 00:33:23,058
Fine. I'm sorry.
854
00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:25,994
I won't have sleepovers with
anyone that might be gay
855
00:33:26,062 --> 00:33:27,996
without asking you first.
856
00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:30,732
Thank you.
857
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:39,241
But maybe you could step
outside your comfort zone
858
00:33:39,309 --> 00:33:41,543
and educate yourself,
so if I have any questions,
859
00:33:41,611 --> 00:33:44,646
I could go to my dad,
like any straight son could.
860
00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:50,316
FIGGINS: Quiet, please.
861
00:33:50,323 --> 00:33:52,424
Quiet, please, children.
862
00:33:52,492 --> 00:33:54,960
I would like
to wish you and yours
863
00:33:55,028 --> 00:33:58,030
a healthy and happy
Alcohol Awareness Week.
864
00:33:58,098 --> 00:33:59,565
Unfortunately,
865
00:33:59,632 --> 00:34:02,434
Kitty Dukakis could not be here
because of disinterest,
866
00:34:02,502 --> 00:34:06,372
but Lima Police Chief
Lawrence Krowley is here
867
00:34:06,439 --> 00:34:09,808
to show you a grisly slide-show
of auto accidents.
868
00:34:09,876 --> 00:34:11,343
Take it away, Chief.
869
00:34:11,411 --> 00:34:12,845
BRITTANY: You guys,
I'm really nervous.
870
00:34:12,912 --> 00:34:15,614
Ke$ha's been
a cultural icon for weeks,
871
00:34:15,682 --> 00:34:17,816
and I really want
to do her music justice.
872
00:34:17,884 --> 00:34:20,152
- We haven't had enough rehearsal.
- Or any at all.
873
00:34:20,220 --> 00:34:21,587
And most of our
assembly performances
874
00:34:21,654 --> 00:34:22,554
usually end
in some kind of riot.
875
00:34:22,622 --> 00:34:23,889
Never fear, teammates.
876
00:34:23,957 --> 00:34:25,691
Now, it's a Broadway tradition
for nervous performers
877
00:34:25,759 --> 00:34:27,192
to take a shot of whiskey
before going on
878
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:28,394
to calm their nerves
879
00:34:28,461 --> 00:34:29,995
and to mask the stench
of bad dental hygiene.
880
00:34:30,063 --> 00:34:32,331
In that tradition, I have mixed
us a playful showbiz cocktail
881
00:34:32,399 --> 00:34:35,000
of what was left in
my dads' liquor cabinet.
882
00:34:35,068 --> 00:34:36,769
There's some brandy
and vermouth and port wine
883
00:34:36,836 --> 00:34:38,303
and scotch in here,
and also a little bit of Kool-Aid
884
00:34:38,371 --> 00:34:39,538
and some crumbled-up Oreos.
885
00:34:39,606 --> 00:34:40,606
SANTANA:
Oh, my God.
886
00:34:40,673 --> 00:34:41,673
This tastes like cough syrup.
887
00:34:41,741 --> 00:34:42,775
There's also cough syrup.
888
00:34:42,842 --> 00:34:43,742
- ALL: Cheers.
- To Ke$ha.
889
00:34:43,810 --> 00:34:44,843
- Cheers.
- Ke$ha.
890
00:34:44,911 --> 00:34:46,211
- To Ke$ha.
- To Ke$ha.
891
00:34:46,279 --> 00:34:47,713
Thank you, Chief.
892
00:34:47,781 --> 00:34:49,915
And now,
performing the hit single,
893
00:34:49,983 --> 00:34:51,884
"Tik and also Tok"
894
00:34:51,951 --> 00:34:54,787
by rapper Key-dollar-sign-ha,
895
00:34:54,854 --> 00:34:57,456
the New Directions.
896
00:34:57,524 --> 00:35:00,759
(microphone feedback squeals)
(sparse applause)
897
00:35:00,827 --> 00:35:04,563
♪ Wake up in the morning
feeling like P. Diddy. ♪
898
00:35:04,631 --> 00:35:05,998
♪ Hey, what up, girl? ♪
♪ Grab my glasses. ♪
899
00:35:06,065 --> 00:35:08,467
♪ I'm out the door,
I'm gonna hit this city. ♪
900
00:35:08,535 --> 00:35:09,968
♪ Let's go... ♪
♪ Before I leave ♪
901
00:35:10,036 --> 00:35:13,038
♪ brush my teeth
with a bottle of Jack. ♪
902
00:35:13,106 --> 00:35:16,141
♪ 'Cause when I leave for the night,
I ain't coming back. ♪
903
00:35:16,209 --> 00:35:18,911
♪ I'm talking pedicure
on our toes, toes. ♪
904
00:35:18,978 --> 00:35:21,313
♪ Trying on all our clothes,
clothes. ♪
905
00:35:21,381 --> 00:35:24,516
♪ Boys blowing up our phones,
phones. ♪
906
00:35:24,584 --> 00:35:27,119
♪ Drop-topping,
playing our favorite CDs. ♪
907
00:35:27,187 --> 00:35:29,254
♪ Going up to the parties. ♪
908
00:35:29,322 --> 00:35:32,291
♪ Trying to get a little bit tipsy. ♪
909
00:35:32,358 --> 00:35:34,293
♪ Don't stop, make it pop. ♪
910
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,261
♪ DJ, blow my speakers up. ♪
911
00:35:36,329 --> 00:35:40,265
♪ Tonight, I'mma fight
till we see the sunlight. ♪
912
00:35:40,333 --> 00:35:44,903
♪ Tick tock on the clock,
but the party don't stop, no. ♪
913
00:35:44,971 --> 00:35:47,039
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
914
00:35:47,106 --> 00:35:48,774
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪
915
00:35:48,842 --> 00:35:50,542
♪ Don't stop, make it pop. ♪
916
00:35:50,610 --> 00:35:52,377
♪ DJ, blow my speakers up. ♪
917
00:35:52,445 --> 00:35:56,281
♪ Tonight, I'mma fight
till we see the sunlight. ♪
918
00:35:56,349 --> 00:36:01,019
♪ Tick tock on the clock,
but the party don't stop, no. ♪
919
00:36:01,087 --> 00:36:03,755
- I don't feel good.
- Power through it!
920
00:36:03,823 --> 00:36:05,424
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪
921
00:36:05,492 --> 00:36:06,959
♪ You build me up. ♪
922
00:36:07,026 --> 00:36:09,695
♪ You break me down. ♪
923
00:36:09,762 --> 00:36:11,497
♪ My heart, it pounds. ♪
924
00:36:11,564 --> 00:36:15,234
♪ Yeah, you've got me
with my hands up. ♪
925
00:36:15,301 --> 00:36:17,669
♪ You've got me now. ♪
926
00:36:17,737 --> 00:36:19,204
♪ You've got that sound. ♪
927
00:36:19,272 --> 00:36:20,305
♪ Yeah, you've got me. ♪
928
00:36:20,373 --> 00:36:22,140
♪ Oh... ♪
929
00:36:22,208 --> 00:36:25,177
♪ You build me up,
you break me down. ♪
930
00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:27,412
♪ My heart, it pounds. ♪
931
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:28,780
♪ Yeah, you've got me. ♪
932
00:36:28,848 --> 00:36:29,748
♪ Oh... ♪
933
00:36:29,816 --> 00:36:31,416
♪ With my hands up. ♪
934
00:36:31,484 --> 00:36:33,418
♪ Put your hands up. ♪
935
00:36:33,486 --> 00:36:35,320
♪ Put your hands up. ♪
936
00:36:36,489 --> 00:36:40,492
♪ Now, the party
don't start till I walk in. ♪
937
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,461
♪ Don't stop, make it pop. ♪
938
00:36:42,529 --> 00:36:44,663
♪ DJ, blow my speakers up. ♪
939
00:36:44,731 --> 00:36:48,267
♪ Tonight, I'mma fight
till we see the sunlight. ♪
940
00:36:48,334 --> 00:36:53,438
♪ Tick tock on the clock,
but the party don't stop, no. ♪
941
00:36:53,506 --> 00:36:54,773
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
942
00:36:54,841 --> 00:36:56,942
(retches, coughs)
(music stops)
943
00:36:58,244 --> 00:36:59,545
Oh, my God.
944
00:37:01,180 --> 00:37:03,148
(retching, coughing)
945
00:37:08,888 --> 00:37:10,422
Everybody, drink responsibly.
946
00:37:16,062 --> 00:37:17,496
Heads up, McKinley.
947
00:37:17,564 --> 00:37:20,699
Coach Sylvester's
gonna shout at ya.
948
00:37:20,767 --> 00:37:23,068
Students,
949
00:37:23,136 --> 00:37:25,704
colleagues, indeed,
950
00:37:25,772 --> 00:37:28,974
all who understand
the Queen's English...
951
00:37:29,042 --> 00:37:32,744
We all still quake in terror
at what we witnessed yesterday
952
00:37:32,812 --> 00:37:35,147
at the assembly by a Glee Club
953
00:37:35,214 --> 00:37:37,749
spiraling out of control.
954
00:37:37,817 --> 00:37:39,785
My nose is still filled
955
00:37:39,852 --> 00:37:42,688
with the acrid stench
of teen vomit.
956
00:37:42,755 --> 00:37:45,557
And there is, simply,
but one person to blame.
957
00:37:45,625 --> 00:37:49,127
The alcoholic teen-vomit
fetishist Will Schuester,
958
00:37:49,195 --> 00:37:52,264
the director of that club.
959
00:37:52,332 --> 00:37:54,333
Two days ago,
960
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,901
I received a drunk dial
961
00:37:55,969 --> 00:37:57,869
in the middle of the night
from a horny Will Schuester.
962
00:37:57,937 --> 00:37:59,037
Oh, no.
963
00:37:59,105 --> 00:38:00,806
Open your ears, McKinley High,
964
00:38:00,873 --> 00:38:02,941
and behold the awful price
965
00:38:03,009 --> 00:38:05,043
of alcoholism.
966
00:38:05,111 --> 00:38:06,478
(phone beeps)
967
00:38:06,546 --> 00:38:09,514
WILL (on phone):
Hey there, sexy lady.
968
00:38:09,582 --> 00:38:11,083
(laughs)
969
00:38:11,150 --> 00:38:14,152
There's something I really,
really want to say to you.
970
00:38:14,220 --> 00:38:16,054
I love how you eat your lunch
971
00:38:16,122 --> 00:38:18,557
with your little plastic gloves,
and they crinkle
972
00:38:18,625 --> 00:38:21,393
and make the cutest sound I've
ever heard in my life.
973
00:38:21,461 --> 00:38:25,263
Why don't you pick up
some wine coolers,
974
00:38:25,331 --> 00:38:27,366
and come over here?
975
00:38:27,433 --> 00:38:29,201
And it'll be just one night
of us just getting crazy.
976
00:38:29,235 --> 00:38:31,236
Let's just get crazy!
977
00:38:31,304 --> 00:38:34,673
Let's get really crazy
and roll around in the hay.
978
00:38:34,741 --> 00:38:35,907
(laughing)
979
00:38:35,975 --> 00:38:38,010
I was just in some hay
earlier tonight,
980
00:38:38,077 --> 00:38:40,412
and I rode a bull
and I was thinking of you.
981
00:38:44,350 --> 00:38:47,219
(phone beeps off)
Will Schuester?
982
00:38:47,286 --> 00:38:49,588
You've just been
publicly humiliated.
983
00:38:49,656 --> 00:38:51,690
And on the road to recovery,
984
00:38:51,758 --> 00:38:54,559
it's the very first step.
985
00:39:02,705 --> 00:39:03,938
(school bell rings)
986
00:39:03,949 --> 00:39:05,734
We're probably going to
get suspended.
987
00:39:05,753 --> 00:39:06,819
I think you'll
definitely get suspended.
988
00:39:06,887 --> 00:39:08,354
You'll probably all
get suspended.
989
00:39:08,422 --> 00:39:11,491
Oh, you're one to talk.
How about you crack a Four Loko,
990
00:39:11,558 --> 00:39:12,525
Count Boozy Von Drunk-a-ton.
991
00:39:16,163 --> 00:39:18,064
William? Glee Club?
992
00:39:18,132 --> 00:39:20,266
I have one word for you.
993
00:39:21,602 --> 00:39:23,069
Congratulations.
994
00:39:23,137 --> 00:39:26,839
Those special effects at
the assembly really paid off!
995
00:39:26,907 --> 00:39:28,875
I had no idea what brilliant
996
00:39:28,942 --> 00:39:32,378
musical comedy performers
you all have become.
997
00:39:32,446 --> 00:39:34,714
The kids at this school
are scared straight.
998
00:39:34,782 --> 00:39:37,650
Today is the first day
in a month without a single act
999
00:39:37,718 --> 00:39:42,121
of public drunkenness
at McKinley High!
1000
00:39:42,189 --> 00:39:44,624
And as a thank you, here are
1001
00:39:44,691 --> 00:39:46,692
coupons
for half-off frozen yogurt.
1002
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:48,394
Yum.
1003
00:39:48,462 --> 00:39:49,796
(all chuckling)
1004
00:39:49,863 --> 00:39:52,498
William, I do think
you need to see someone
1005
00:39:52,566 --> 00:39:54,934
about your sex
and love addiction.
1006
00:39:55,002 --> 00:39:57,537
I've talked
to my pastor about you,
1007
00:39:57,604 --> 00:40:00,706
and he's willing to meet you
at your earliest convenience.
1008
00:40:00,774 --> 00:40:02,074
Thank you.
1009
00:40:02,142 --> 00:40:03,309
Okay.
1010
00:40:03,377 --> 00:40:04,377
Achievement!
1011
00:40:04,444 --> 00:40:07,446
(half-hearted cheering)
1012
00:40:07,514 --> 00:40:10,883
I'm torn. Part of me never wants
to drink again because it made
1013
00:40:10,951 --> 00:40:13,820
me so sick, but if it weren't
for drinking, the assembly would
1014
00:40:13,887 --> 00:40:16,022
- have been a disaster.
- I, for one, am never drinking again.
1015
00:40:16,089 --> 00:40:18,391
Being thrown up on,
it just does something to a person.
1016
00:40:18,458 --> 00:40:22,862
All right, guys, while I'm happy
things worked out with the assembly,
1017
00:40:22,930 --> 00:40:25,431
I never want to see you guys
pull anything like that again.
1018
00:40:25,499 --> 00:40:27,934
Drinking while performing
is unprofessional.
1019
00:40:28,001 --> 00:40:29,335
Drinking while at school
is just stupid,
1020
00:40:29,403 --> 00:40:31,003
and, most importantly,
1021
00:40:31,071 --> 00:40:32,839
any of you guys
drinking at all is illegal.
1022
00:40:32,906 --> 00:40:34,106
There's a fair
amount of the pot
1023
00:40:34,174 --> 00:40:35,308
calling the kettle
black right now.
1024
00:40:35,375 --> 00:40:37,143
(whispers):
That is so racist.
1025
00:40:37,211 --> 00:40:38,411
WILL:
I couldn't agree more.
1026
00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:40,413
Which is why I'm going
to stop drinking.
1027
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,415
Not even a beer at the end of
the night to take the edge off.
1028
00:40:42,482 --> 00:40:44,317
But if you don't drink,
1029
00:40:44,384 --> 00:40:45,551
what will you have to live for?
1030
00:40:45,619 --> 00:40:48,120
I have plenty
in my life without beer.
1031
00:40:48,188 --> 00:40:49,455
Like what, exactly?
1032
00:40:49,523 --> 00:40:52,158
The point is, I'm going to stop.
1033
00:40:52,226 --> 00:40:53,492
And I hope you guys do, too.
1034
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,428
Isn't that kind of unrealistic?
1035
00:40:55,495 --> 00:40:57,463
Yeah. Honestly,
I think it is.
1036
00:40:57,531 --> 00:40:59,298
Which is why I'm only
going to ask you to do it
1037
00:40:59,366 --> 00:41:01,400
until after Nationals.
1038
00:41:01,468 --> 00:41:03,402
Consider yourselves
like prize fighters
1039
00:41:03,470 --> 00:41:06,405
getting ready for a
big heavyweight bout.
1040
00:41:06,473 --> 00:41:09,208
Now, these are pledge forms.
1041
00:41:09,276 --> 00:41:10,910
And I want you guys
1042
00:41:10,978 --> 00:41:12,178
to sign them.
1043
00:41:12,246 --> 00:41:13,379
And what if we fall
off the wagon again?
1044
00:41:13,447 --> 00:41:16,649
Look in the top corner
of your form.
1045
00:41:16,717 --> 00:41:18,484
- That's my cell phone number.
- Yes!
1046
00:41:18,552 --> 00:41:21,587
Part of your pledge
is that if you do slip up,
1047
00:41:21,655 --> 00:41:24,457
no matter where you are,
or what time of the night it is,
1048
00:41:24,524 --> 00:41:25,892
I want you to call me
to drive you home.
1049
00:41:27,494 --> 00:41:29,262
We got lucky this time
that the only consequences
1050
00:41:29,329 --> 00:41:31,564
of your drinking
was some ill-timed vomiting.
1051
00:41:31,632 --> 00:41:34,734
None of us wants to see any
of you guys get hurt.
1052
00:41:34,801 --> 00:41:36,035
Cool beans, Mr. Shue.
I'll sign this.
1053
00:41:36,103 --> 00:41:38,938
Me, too. I mean,
alcohol has done nothing
1054
00:41:39,006 --> 00:41:40,439
for my songwriting.
1055
00:41:40,507 --> 00:41:43,509
What about
after we win Nationals?
1056
00:41:48,015 --> 00:41:51,150
I'm buying the sparkling cider.
1057
00:41:51,218 --> 00:41:52,919
(all chuckling)
SAM: Yes.
1058
00:41:52,986 --> 00:41:54,287
So, you said he comes
this way at 3:30?
1059
00:41:54,354 --> 00:41:56,555
Like clockwork.
For his post-rehearsal medium drip.
1060
00:41:56,623 --> 00:41:58,057
I just can't wait
to lay one on him.
1061
00:41:58,125 --> 00:42:00,259
I've got a bad feeling
about this, Rachel.
1062
00:42:00,327 --> 00:42:01,694
I mean, I don't mean
to be schooled,
1063
00:42:01,762 --> 00:42:03,429
but I don't want you
to get hurt, either.
1064
00:42:03,497 --> 00:42:05,131
There's no victory in this
for me, either way.
1065
00:42:05,198 --> 00:42:06,399
Who cares about you, buddy?
1066
00:42:06,466 --> 00:42:07,767
I might get a new
boyfriend out of this,
1067
00:42:07,834 --> 00:42:09,635
who can keep up with me
vocally, and in the future,
1068
00:42:09,703 --> 00:42:10,903
give me vaguely Eurasian-
looking children.
1069
00:42:10,971 --> 00:42:12,538
KURT:
There he is.
1070
00:42:12,606 --> 00:42:15,207
Dreamy as ever.
1071
00:42:15,275 --> 00:42:17,176
Okay. Wish me luck.
1072
00:42:17,244 --> 00:42:19,946
♪ I feel the earth move
under my feet. ♪
1073
00:42:20,013 --> 00:42:21,047
Hey, Rachel.
What's going on?
1074
00:42:21,114 --> 00:42:22,515
♪ I feel the sky tumbling down, ♪
1075
00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:23,783
♪ a'tumbling down. ♪
1076
00:42:23,850 --> 00:42:28,354
♪ I feel the earth move
under my feet. ♪
1077
00:42:28,422 --> 00:42:31,357
♪ I feel the sky tumbling down, ♪
1078
00:42:31,425 --> 00:42:34,427
♪ a'tumbling down,
I just lose control. ♪
1079
00:42:34,494 --> 00:42:35,594
Huh.
1080
00:42:35,662 --> 00:42:37,897
Yep.
1081
00:42:37,965 --> 00:42:39,065
I'm gay.
1082
00:42:39,132 --> 00:42:41,867
100% gay.
1083
00:42:41,935 --> 00:42:44,704
Thank you so much for clearing
that up for me, Rachel.
1084
00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:45,905
Listen, save my space
in line, will you?
1085
00:42:45,973 --> 00:42:47,039
I got to go hit the restroom.
1086
00:42:47,107 --> 00:42:48,641
♪ All over. ♪
1087
00:42:48,709 --> 00:42:51,877
♪ I feel the earth move
under my feet. ♪
1088
00:42:51,945 --> 00:42:53,412
♪ I feel the sky... ♪
1089
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:54,747
That was hard, wasn't it?
1090
00:42:54,815 --> 00:42:57,049
Are you kidding?
1091
00:42:57,117 --> 00:42:59,285
That was amazing.
1092
00:42:59,353 --> 00:43:00,753
I am speechless.
1093
00:43:00,821 --> 00:43:04,323
I just had a relationship with
a guy who turned out to be gay.
1094
00:43:04,391 --> 00:43:05,992
That is songwriting gold.
1095
00:43:06,059 --> 00:43:07,460
Oh!
1096
00:43:07,527 --> 00:43:08,894
Okay. I have
to go compose.
1097
00:43:08,962 --> 00:43:10,796
But thank you. Thank you.
1098
00:43:10,864 --> 00:43:15,601
Sync By YesCool
Corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com