Coach is filmed before a studio audience.
The Buckeye game films are in.
Great. Well, call the other coaches
and tell them we're gonna be watching movies tonight. Uh-huh.
Hey, by the way, Daub.
What's with the cap there, huh?
Huh?
Oh, nothing.
I've just decided to start wearing one, that's all.
Oh. Hey, Daub?
Something the matter with your head there?
it's my hair.
What's the matter with it?
I don't have it anymore.
Well, see,
I heard you and Luther talking about how the team needed some unity this year.
And I remember when I was playing,
how we had that same problem once,
and how a bunch of us got together and shaved our heads.
I remember that. You all looked like a bunch of cue balls.
Yeah.
So anyway, last night I was telling some of our players that,
and they all thought it sounded like a neat idea,
and they all thought I should go first.
Then they all changed their minds.
Aw, jeez, Dauber.
Hayden, can I jump. in here a minute?
I think I can handle this.
Daub, the most important thing a coach can have
is the respect of his players.
You have to remember, even though you're still in school,
you're a coach now.
I mean, you let the players make a fool out of you,
you're gonna lose their respect.
I mean, you don't see Hayden and I letting them make a fool out of us, do you?
Uh-uh.
That's why you don't see us without our hair.
Boy, I tell you, listen to him, Daub.
When it comes to respect, no one has more than Luther.
Come on, you guys, that's not funny!
You know, we got a lot of work to do between now and Saturday.
I wanna eat, sleep, and drink the Buckeyes for the next six days.
I don't want anybody even thinking about taking a night off.
Surprise.
Wow, Christine!
Hey, what are you doing here?
I know I didn't call first. Are you super busy?
No, we're not busy at all. Come on in. Come on in.
Hey, Luther. Come on.
Nice talking to you, Christine.
Are you sure this isn't a bad time?
No, this is great time. Oh!
Are you kidding?
I mean, at least I think it's a great time.
You're not here to break up with me, are you?
No. All right, great! God.
How come you're not in Minneapolis?
Oh, well, we're doing a report on a milk tanker
that overturned a few miles from here,
and traffic is backed up halfway to Bloomington.
I go on the air live at 5:00.
And if you are free, I could be live at 6:30 as well.
You mean you can stay the night?
If you're free.
I'll get free.
Wow, on a Monday.
Oh, I love this.
Yeah, thank God for reckless truckers.
I'll see you tonight.
All right. I can't wait.
Monday. What a treat.
Christine gone?
Yeah, yeah. She had to go cover a story, there.
You know, guys,
I've been thinking. I...
I haven't been very responsible as a coach.
What do you mean?
Well, you know, I was in there talking to Christine,
and she's got to cover this story
about the terrible accident on the highway.
And it suddenly hit me, you know, what if I were in an accident?
What would you guys do on Saturday?
You mean about the game?
I guess we'd wear those little black armbands.
No, see, I meant
something a little different than that. I mean...
Well, you'd still have to play the game without me,
and I haven't prepared you to do that and that's not very responsible.
I mean, I need to include you guys more in the decision-making process.
Great.
Right. So here's what I've decided to do.
Now, you guys are gonna watch these game films tonight without me.
You're gonna decide how we're gonna play the Buckeyes.
You're gonna be me tonight, Luth.
Everybody is gonna move up.
Your assistant is you,
his assistant is him... Who am I, Coach?
You're a cue ball.
Right.
Now doesn't that sound like a good idea?
It sounds like a great idea. So you're gonna see Christine, huh?
Yeah, yeah, but that's not the reason I'm doing this.
I am doing this for the team.
My spirit is gonna be here with you tonight. Right.
It's just my body that's gonna be with Christine.
Anybody here?
Kelly? Oh.
Hey, sweetheart.
There you are.
I just stopped by to find out what time dinner was tonight.
Tonight?
Dinner was tonight?
Is there a problem?
Gosh, how could I have forgotten that?
What's the matter?
Well, Christine came into town unexpectedly,
and she wanted to have dinner, you know? I mean, she caught me off guard.
That's okay, Dad. We can have dinner another night.
Can we?
Or maybe if Christine doesn't mind, we can all have dinner together.
Can we?
I've been wanting to meet her anyway.
Have you?
Is that a problem?
Well... What's the matter, Dad?
Are you bashful about having me meet your girlfriend?
Oh, bashful?
What, me, bashful? Come on!
I'm fine with my daughter meeting a woman I know.
Jeez.
I just don't wanna spring this on Christine though, you know?
And besides, I wouldn't know where to reach her.
Coach here.
Christine?
Problem solved.
Boy, your ears must be burning. We were just talking about you.
Me and Kelly.
She says hi.
Ask her about dinner.
She says "hi" back.
Ask her about dinner.
She wants me to ask you about dinner.
Look, Christine, see, I forgot
that Kelly and I were supposed to have dinner tonight, so...
The three of us? Yes.
Well, you know, I don't think it's a good idea to spring it on her like this, you know?
I think I'm talking her into it.
So, we'll see you
at the cabin around 7:00 then, huh?
Great, okay. Have fun at the accident.
Christine and I are finally gonna meet, huh?
Yeah.
Well, I'd better get to Biology.
If you get there late, you have to sit in the front.
I'll see you tonight.
Jeez!
Oh! Oh, it feels good to get into fresh clothes.
Shall I start a fire?
I just did.
Well...
Why don't you let me take over?
No, no, no, I really wanna do this, you know?
I cook all the time when you're not here.
Oh.
Yeah.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing. I'm just checking to see if Kelly's coming, that's all.
You were afraid she'd find us kissing over a pan of pork chops?
Well, no, I mean, I just want everything to go right, that's all.
And I don't wanna do anything to get off on the wrong foot.
Well, I mean, not that kissing you is the wrong foot,
but I just don't think the first glimpse she gets of us together
should be of us...
You know...
Harmlessly showing affection.
Harmless? Hey, Christine, that was my best kiss.
You're unbelievable.
Well, look, I just want tonight to go well.
Gosh, I mean, don't you care if Kelly likes you or not?
Of course, I care.
I care whether I like her. And I assume we will like each other.
I just think we stand a better chance of getting off on the right foot
if we're all honest with one another.
Well, hell, Christine, then why don't we just meet her
at the front door in our pajamas?
Oh, great, there she is. Now, if she heard that, I'm dead.
Oh, Hayden, honey.
Tonight is going to be just fine.
Have a little faith in all of us, huh?
Right.
Faith.
Hey, there she is!
Hi, Dad. Hi. Here, let me get your coat.
Oh. Boy.
What took so long? I've been waiting for you.
Well, you said 7:00. it's 6:55.
Is it?
Well, hey, you know, I'm like a kid at Christmas.
I just can't wait for the big moment.
Here it is.
So it finally came down to two schools,
and when I weighed them both,
Minnesota State was really the only one
that had everything I was looking for.
Well, I know it really made your father happy.
You know, he talks so much about you,
I felt like I knew you even before you got here.
Well, I felt the same way about you.
I mean, ever since he told me what you did,
I've been watching you on the news. You're very good.
Oh.
No, really. You are.
You're very professional,
and you treat all your stories with a lot of dignity.
Well, thank you. I spend a lot of time with my stories.
It's nice someone notices.
What is this, a gag?
You two aren't getting along this well for real, are you?
Dad.
Look at you two.
I don't know why I was so nervous about this.
Anybody want another chop?
I'm fine, thanks.
Well, I'm glad we finally got the chance to meet.
I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on.
Oh, hey, if I have anything to say about it,
you two are gonna be sick of each other.
Yes, sir, this has really been fun, hasn't it?
Yeah, and I hate to be the one to break it up,
but I have to be up early tomorrow, so I better call it a night.
Oh, here, let me help you with that.
Oh, no, honey, come on. I don't mind.
Well, no, I just thought maybe you had to get back
and do some studying or something, you know?
I mean, I know Christine's got to get back.
Back where?
Didn't you say you had to get up early tomorrow?
You probably have to get back to the hotel, don't you?
I'm not checked in to the hotel.
You're not?
Gee, were you thinking of driving all the way back to Minneapolis tonight?
Well, gee, I guess I hadn't thought that far.
You know, on second thought, I do have to get back.
I just remembered I got loads of studying to do.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, you know. I mean, I got finals coming up
in four months.
I mean, if you're sure, sweetheart.
I don't want you to feel like we're pushing you out or anything,
'cause we're probably gonna be leaving in a few minutes ourselves.
Right, right.
Well, Christine, it was really nice to meet you.
Oh, nice meeting you, too, Kelly.
And, Dad, thanks for dinner.
Pork was perfect.
See you.
Hey, if you see a couple of headlights behind you, it's probably us.
I think that went well.
Don't do that.
Why not?
Because I don't like it.
Since when?
What was that all about?
Well, what was I supposed to say?
You didn't have to say anything.
Do you think Kelly doesn't know we stay together?
Well, it's one thing to suspect it.
It is another thing to have it thrown in your face.
Hayden, I wasn't going to attack you in the living room.
I'd just like to know what's so terrible about admitting to your daughter
that we have an adult relationship.
Oh, come on, Christine. I mean, let's not get into an argument
over one stupid little thing I said, huh?
Come on, let's just put that aside
and let's go to bed. Come on.
Hayden, going to bed is what this is all about.
Oh, come on, Christine. This is Monday. This was gonna be special.
Let's not have an encounter group.
By playing this charade, you are not showing Kelly any respect,
you're not showing me any respect.
You don't seem to understand what you did.
I know exactly what I did. It was wrong.
It was terrible. I should hang for it,
but I should also get one last request.
So before I die, baby, let's go to bed.
Fine. You want me in bed?
That's exactly where I'll be.
Okay.
Fine.
Lock the door.
I gotta tell you, Christine, I am starting to lose the mood here.
You call this an adult relationship?
Boy, I gotta tell you, Christine. This is really childish.
You wanna know what's childish?
A 44-year-old man who is so uptight about his own sexuality...
I swear, Christine, if you finish that sentence...
I just don't understand why you can't be honest.
What is so great about this honesty thing?
You'd think it was some sort of new religion or something.
Do you think we're doing something wrong here? Is that the problem?
Are you ashamed of us? No. Of course not.
Then why can't you tell people?
You wanna tell people?
All right, I will tell people.
Hey, everybody out on the lake,
Christine Armstrong and Hayden Fox
are sleeping together! How's that, huh?
Or better yet,
why don't you announce it on the news tomorrow night?
Even better,
why don't we do alive remote from the bedroom, huh?
That is not what I'm suggesting.
Aha!
So, there is a line somewhere that we don't cross over.
I am not suggesting that we tell the entire world.
I would just like to be able to tell the people we're close to.
If we can't do that, I...
I don't know what kind of relationship we have.
So you want me to tell Kelly?
Yes.
Who you gonna tell?
What?
If I have to tell somebody that I am close to,
you have to tell somebody that you are close to.
Otherwise, I don't know what kind of relationship we have.
Well, this is ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous when I have to be honest.
Hayden, I've already told everyone I'm close to.
Told your mother?
Let's go to bed.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
I tell Kelly,
you tell Mildred.
Hayden, she's in Kentucky. We never even see her.
Why would I want to bother her with this?
Because we are being honest here, Christine.
Okay, fine.
I can make that deal.
You tell Kelly,
and I'll tell my mother.
I am on my way to the dorm.
I'm on my way to the phone.
It's time to reach out and destroy someone.
Hey.
Hey, guys. How's it going?
Good. This is the last tape.
How'd it go with Kelly and Christine?
Got a problem. How do the Buckeyes look?
You got two problems.
You guys keep looking at it. I want to talk to Hayden.
So what's the first problem?
Well...
The problem is, Luther, I'm a dinosaur, you know?
Different world we're living in.
People want to express themselves. Everybody wants to be open.
People want to tell each other how they really feel.
I can't do this, Luther.
Do what? Be open?
No, pretend it doesn't bother me that you're sitting in my chair.
Go. Go.
Thought I was still supposed to be you.
Yeah.
Do you know where I am headed, Luther?
I am going over to the girls' dorm
to tell my 18-year-old daughter
that I am having a sexual relationship with my girlfriend.
Why?
Because it's the honest thing to do.
That is the world we're living in.
I mean, everybody wants to be honest nowadays.
I remember when I was growing up nobody was honest.
You weren't honest with girls.
You weren't honest with your parents.
Everybody knew that. Everybody was happy.
Now everybody wants to know everything.
Nobody's happy.
Hey, listen.
You wanna go fishing this weekend?
I got a game Saturday.
No, no, no. I mean after the game.
You know, we could take my boat,
and we could drink some beers,
eat some cheese balls,
and tell some lies.
Sounds great. Aren't you supposed to be with Christine this weekend?
Yeah, I was. But I tell you,
after tonight I think I'm gonna need a break.
Kelly? Dad!
What are you doing here?
Well, nothing. I just came by to see you for a few minutes.
Well, you can't be here.
I can't? Well, it's the girls' dorm.
There's a "No men after 10:00" rule.
What kind of a cockamamie rule...
Actually, that's a pretty good rule.
Yeah, Dad, I...
Just let me get to this.
I want to talk about tonight.
Oh, you do?
Well, that's good. I'm glad.
I think we should.
You do?
Yeah.
Gosh, is there anyone except me who doesn't want to talk about this stuff?
Kelly, you know, I told a lie tonight,
and I didn't do it to be dishonest.
I did it because I want you to like me,
and I didn't think you would
like me if I was honest.
You think I wouldn't like you
just because you're sleeping with Christine?
I'm not sleeping with Christine.
Dad.
I don't want to talk about this stuff!
God, I really don't want to talk about it.
But we have to talk about it. But why?
Because we'll both feel better. How?
Because we won't have anything to hide.
Dad,
I just want you to be happy.
Honest?
Yeah.
Don't you want me to be happy someday, too?
Well, of course I do.
Happy how?
Well, someday I'm going to have a relationship,
and I'm gonna wanna be honest with you about it.
Isn't that what you want?
No.
Well, I'm going to be.
Well, you're 18, Kelly.
You're old enough to make up your own mind.
I mean, if you want to be honest, there's nothing I can do to stop you.
Oh, believe me, Dad,
it's not gonna be as hard on you as you think.
See, I think you still feel a lot of pressure
'cause you think of me as your little girl.
But, see, I can handle a lot more than you think I can, you know?
I'm much more mature than you realize.
Kelly, quick! We're having this great water fight with the fourth floor!
Grab a wastebasket and meet us in the shower.
Hey, Coach Fox.
Well, it sounds like you got some pretty grownup things
you gotta handle,
so I guess I'll be going.
Hey, listen, before I do that, honey, since we're being honest here,
what do you really think of Christine?
I really like her.
Yeah?
Yeah, I like her a lot.
Yeah, she's really neat, isn't she?
Yeah. I still like Mom better.
I mean, of course you do.
But our seeing each other and being together is gonna work.
I'm glad.
I'll see you around, huh? Okay.
Oh, Dad, you can't go out that way. Someone will see you.
Hey,
I got nothing left to hide.
I mean, I'm Hayden Fox, honest man.
Hayden, is that you?
Yeah.
What happened to you?
Huh?
I was in a water fight.
It's nothing.
So,
did you tell Kelly?
Well, I kept my end of the deal.
I was honest.
Well, good.
How did she take it?
She took it great.
Well, how do you feel?
Well, better than I thought I would, I guess. I mean,
I'm sort of relieved to know we don't have to sneak around anymore,
at least not in front of Kelly.
That's pretty good, I guess.
So what did your mom have to say?
Hmm?
How did Mildred take it when you called her?
Oh, well, I wasn't going to call her tonight, Hayden.
I was afraid I'd wake her up. You know, it's an hour later there.
I don't care if it's dawn there, you know, we had a deal.
Now you get on the blower.
You're not serious.
I am wet and I am very serious.
Hayden, I'm not gonna call my mother in the middle of the night
to tell her I'm sleeping with a man.
I will be in the bedroom.
The door will unlock
when you have made the call.