1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,001 Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle. 2 00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:05,086 You never really know what's going on in there. 3 00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:07,538 So after Uncle Marshall lost his father, 4 00:00:07,539 --> 00:00:09,474 he decided to get his heart checked. 5 00:00:09,475 --> 00:00:11,042 And so did I... 6 00:00:11,043 --> 00:00:12,877 and so did Lily... 7 00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:15,080 and so did Robin. 8 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:18,682 And then Marshall went again, just to be sure. 9 00:00:18,683 --> 00:00:20,885 There was only one holdout. 10 00:00:20,886 --> 00:00:22,721 I don't need to go to a heart doctor. 11 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:26,324 I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, 12 00:00:26,325 --> 00:00:27,993 and I have multiple sex partners. 13 00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,561 I'm doing everything right. 14 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:30,862 Barney, come on, this is important. 15 00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:32,731 We need you around for a long time. 16 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,232 Without you, we'd have to find 17 00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:36,368 some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us. 18 00:00:36,669 --> 00:00:37,435 Actually, 19 00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:39,170 I'm thinking about getting a dog again. 20 00:00:39,171 --> 00:00:41,922 Oh, can she? Can she get a dog, please Dad? 21 00:00:41,923 --> 00:00:43,157 No. If you get a dog, 22 00:00:43,158 --> 00:00:44,876 I'm going to be the one stuck taking care of it. 23 00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:46,578 You wouldn't have to take care of it. 24 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,647 Really? And who watered the philodendron 25 00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,749 on your bookcase and sang it back to life? 26 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,351 Yeah, that was made out of silk, Ted. 27 00:00:53,352 --> 00:00:56,854 Okay, Robin, what you need is indeed something that buries a bone, 28 00:00:56,855 --> 00:00:57,989 but I'm not talking about a dog. 29 00:00:57,990 --> 00:00:59,090 I'm talking about a man. 30 00:00:59,091 --> 00:01:00,258 Here we go. 31 00:01:00,259 --> 00:01:02,960 You're clearly trying to fill a hole... in her heart. 32 00:01:02,961 --> 00:01:05,830 You feel like the seventh wheel, because now Ted is with Zoey 33 00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:07,899 and Barney's with Nora and Lily's with Big Fudge. 34 00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:11,036 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge. 35 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,304 "With"? 36 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,407 I am not "with" Nora. 37 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,608 Wrong preposition. 38 00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:19,944 Later tonight I'm hoping to be on Nora, right? 39 00:01:19,945 --> 00:01:21,813 Or under Nora, right? 40 00:01:21,814 --> 00:01:23,948 Or, we're all adults, I'll just say it... 41 00:01:24,449 --> 00:01:25,850 behind Nora. 44 00:01:28,954 --> 00:01:32,123 Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl. 45 00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,992 Yeah. Penis feelings. 46 00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:35,193 Because she's hot. 47 00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:36,678 Guys, as you know, 48 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,995 I only have one rule... 49 00:01:37,996 --> 00:01:39,864 Barney said this a lot. 50 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,269 if you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty, 51 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,987 do it early in the day. 52 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,174 Never screw over a girl whose last name 53 00:01:50,175 --> 00:01:51,843 ends in a vowel. 54 00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:53,311 'Cause she's got brothers. 55 00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:59,318 Never date a girl with a hook for a hand. 56 00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:04,489 Never go out with the same girl more than once. 57 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,508 Then why are you going out with Nora again? 58 00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:07,992 There is an exception. 59 00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:10,195 And it was always the same exception. 60 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:12,764 ...unless she's hot. 61 00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,666 ...unless she's hot. 62 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,169 ...unless she's hot. Arr! 63 00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:20,839 And she is indeed hot. 64 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,909 Which is why nothing, not even God himself... 65 00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,861 yeah, I said it, Beardy... 66 00:02:26,862 --> 00:02:30,115 is going to stand in the way of tonight being legend... 67 00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,983 Wait for it. 68 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,922 Uh-oh. 69 00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:45,022 Transcript by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 70 00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:51,770 Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late. 71 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,871 I'm just, uh, just getting over a cold. 72 00:02:53,872 --> 00:02:55,573 Oh, no. How long have you been sick? 73 00:02:55,574 --> 00:02:57,842 About 20 minutes. Can't seem to shake it. 74 00:02:57,843 --> 00:03:00,245 Okay, 'cause I was going to say you look a little... 75 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,414 Handsome? Rich? Well-endowed? 76 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,020 Huh, let's say well-endowed... with phlegm. 77 00:03:10,722 --> 00:03:13,391 All right, let's go. It's bedtime. 78 00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:15,627 The bed... that's where all the... 79 00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:21,032 ...happens. 80 00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,534 Come on, let's get you sorted out. 81 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,936 That night, Barney didn't take care of business. 82 00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:28,590 Instead, Nora took care of Barney. 83 00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,780 Ah. Thank you. 84 00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:44,922 Good night, Barney. 85 00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:46,458 Good night, Mommy. 86 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:49,093 Wow, she nursed you back to health? 87 00:03:49,094 --> 00:03:51,663 No. I didn't even see her boobs. 88 00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,232 She just took care of me. 89 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,702 Oh, hey, guys. This is Nate. 90 00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,604 - Nate, these are my friends. - What's up. guys? 91 00:03:59,605 --> 00:04:02,140 Nate Scooberman. But everyone calls me Scooby. 92 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:04,542 I'd love to hang out, but I really gotta hit the john. 93 00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:06,311 Uh, yeah, it's right in here... 94 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:07,345 Scooby. 95 00:04:07,346 --> 00:04:08,513 Thanks, brah. 96 00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:10,214 I like you guys. 97 00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,383 Oh, Robin, 98 00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:15,553 if you weren't so much stronger than me, I would slap you. 99 00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:18,556 What? You told me to meet someone. 100 00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,758 I know, and, look, he seems plenty nice, 101 00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,793 but I didn't mean bring home the first guy 102 00:04:22,794 --> 00:04:24,395 you bump into on the street. 103 00:04:24,396 --> 00:04:26,264 Actually, I met him in the park. 104 00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,332 - Oh. - Oh. -Oh. 105 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,967 Should have just let you get a dog. 106 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,636 Oh, oh, I should go. Lily, can I talk to you for a second? 107 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,809 So, um, I made an appointment with that cardiologist. 108 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,444 Aw, and you want me to go with you 109 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,678 'cause you're a little scared? 110 00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:42,113 No. 111 00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:44,649 Do you want me to go with you because you're a lot scared? 112 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,850 Yes! 113 00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:47,151 Okay, fine. 114 00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:48,586 On one condition. 115 00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:51,122 You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora. 116 00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:53,291 She seems like something special. 117 00:04:54,192 --> 00:04:57,629 Okay, I promise I won't lie to her. 118 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,230 I may, however, lie on her. 119 00:04:59,831 --> 00:05:03,001 I said, bang-bang, bangity-bang. 120 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,469 ♪ Bang-bang-bang, bangity-bang ♪ 121 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,371 ♪ Bang, bang, bangity bang... ♪ 122 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,923 Are we done? 123 00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:11,142 ♪ A bang-bang, bangity-bang. ♪ 124 00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,510 Well, Barney, your heart sounds fine. 125 00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:14,612 See, Lily? 126 00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,047 She was worried. 127 00:05:16,048 --> 00:05:18,249 Although it seems like you might have a slight arrhythmia. 128 00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:20,919 Ow! Nails, nails! 129 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,287 It's probably nothing to worry about, 130 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,589 but I'd like you to wear this heart monitor 131 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,324 for the next 24 hours. 132 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:28,293 Twen... Flag on the play, Doc. 133 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,527 I have a date tonight. 134 00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,095 Don't worry. It's totally safe. 135 00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:32,530 Unless part of your big date 136 00:05:32,531 --> 00:05:34,465 involves connecting yourself to a car battery. 137 00:05:35,066 --> 00:05:36,700 Well, now it doesn't. 138 00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:42,706 And exactly 24 hours later, they returned for the results. 139 00:05:42,707 --> 00:05:45,159 Okay, everything looks fine here, 140 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:48,645 although I did notice a few irregularities. 141 00:05:48,646 --> 00:05:49,847 There's nothing to be... 142 00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:53,117 ...alarmed about. 143 00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:54,852 Go on, Doctor. 144 00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,720 What happened 145 00:05:56,721 --> 00:05:58,655 at 8:46 p.m. last night? 146 00:05:59,256 --> 00:06:01,825 Well, let's see... 147 00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:04,595 uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups, naked chin-ups... 148 00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:05,930 I was at dinner. 149 00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:08,265 This might be a little forward, 150 00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:10,834 but do you have a bomb strapped to your chest? 151 00:06:10,835 --> 00:06:12,303 This? No, no. 152 00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:13,971 It's a heart monitor. 153 00:06:13,972 --> 00:06:16,840 It's a medical thing. 154 00:06:16,841 --> 00:06:18,342 Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been trying 155 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:20,010 not to stare at your chest all night. 156 00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:22,179 What's that like? 157 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,114 So is everything okay? 158 00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:28,052 My friend's dad passed away from a sudden heart attack. 159 00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:30,154 So I'm just getting myself checked out, too. 160 00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:32,089 Oh, I am so sorry. 161 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,758 Thanks. 162 00:06:36,461 --> 00:06:39,563 Um, Barney, what I'm about to say 163 00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:41,799 is going to sound a little weird, 164 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,636 but I think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it. 165 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,738 Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked. 166 00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,974 Unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'll just... 167 00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,277 No. What is it? 168 00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,945 I want to get married. 169 00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:57,081 I mean, not tonight, 170 00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,816 or even to you, necessarily. 171 00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:00,618 But that's what I want. 172 00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:02,253 And if that's going to scare you off, 173 00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,588 then I'd rather it scare you off now. 174 00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:06,123 I want a family, 175 00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,292 and I want to live in a little house 176 00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:11,128 with a garden and a tree for the kids to climb. 177 00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:13,731 And I want to go to sleep every night 178 00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:15,666 with the same person by my side, 179 00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:18,769 and wake up next to him in the morning every morning 180 00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,971 for the rest of our lives. 181 00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:23,207 Just thought you should know that. 182 00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:27,444 You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora! 183 00:07:28,913 --> 00:07:32,716 That's exactly what I want, too. 184 00:07:39,164 --> 00:07:41,598 I'm really into gardening, but these squirrels keep messing with my tomatoes. 185 00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:43,016 Every time I see them in the backyard, 186 00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:44,284 I'm like, "get out of here!" 187 00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:45,769 And they run off, but sure enough, 188 00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:47,371 a few minutes later, there they are again. 189 00:07:47,372 --> 00:07:48,939 And I'm like, "get out of here!" 190 00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:49,706 So annoying. 191 00:07:50,275 --> 00:07:52,508 I smell food. 192 00:07:52,509 --> 00:07:54,476 Does this place have a kitchen? I'll be right back. 193 00:07:56,512 --> 00:07:59,148 Okay, but you have to admit 194 00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:01,184 that he is a lot of fun. 195 00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:02,252 Oh, I actually think 196 00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:03,820 he's quite intelligent for what he is. 197 00:08:03,921 --> 00:08:04,954 And what is he? 198 00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:06,022 He's a dog. 199 00:08:06,023 --> 00:08:07,257 He's totally a dog. 200 00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:09,025 What? You saw him hitting on someone? 201 00:08:09,026 --> 00:08:10,760 No, I didn't say, "He a dawg." 202 00:08:10,761 --> 00:08:13,596 I said, "He's a dog." As in, a dog. 203 00:08:13,597 --> 00:08:16,232 I think we've all noticed a few curious mannerisms. 204 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:19,402 Or rather, doggerisms. 205 00:08:19,703 --> 00:08:22,739 Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans. 206 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:24,407 Where? 207 00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:34,901 Okay, Scooby, you ready? 208 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:37,787 Oh! 209 00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:38,705 Good boy, Scooby! 210 00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:41,023 - Good job, Scoob! - Good boy! 211 00:08:41,024 --> 00:08:43,693 - That last one did not happen. - Okay, you're right. 212 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,027 He dropped it. 213 00:08:45,028 --> 00:08:46,829 He's not a dog. 214 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:47,930 Robin, it's fine. 215 00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:50,133 You said you wanted a dog and you got one. 216 00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:52,301 And the best part is, he got his shots. 217 00:08:52,302 --> 00:08:53,870 Hey, guys, got my shots. 218 00:08:53,871 --> 00:08:55,037 You are so playful. 219 00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,873 - Nice job fetching those. - Guys... 220 00:08:56,874 --> 00:08:58,091 Yeah, guys, cut it out. 221 00:08:58,092 --> 00:08:59,175 Scooby, sit. 222 00:08:59,976 --> 00:09:01,811 So, Scooby, we were thinking 223 00:09:01,812 --> 00:09:03,379 if you're going to be hanging out with our Robin, 224 00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:04,747 you should be properly vetted. 225 00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:08,884 Uh, yeah. We hope our nosiness doesn't give you "paws." 226 00:09:08,885 --> 00:09:10,586 How did you meet? Tell us the "tail"" 227 00:09:10,587 --> 00:09:12,455 Yes, how did you "whisker" off her feet? 228 00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:13,923 Shed a little light on the matter. 229 00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:16,225 Did you send her an e-mail, or did you "collar"? 230 00:09:16,226 --> 00:09:17,727 Guys, just stop hounding him. 231 00:09:18,295 --> 00:09:19,862 Oh, geez. 232 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:20,897 No, no, you're right, Robin. 233 00:09:20,898 --> 00:09:22,365 We don't want your new guy to "flea." 234 00:09:22,366 --> 00:09:24,467 We're just trying to make sure he's not a heel. 235 00:09:24,468 --> 00:09:26,335 So, moving from Canada, 236 00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:28,404 that transition must have been pretty "ruff." 237 00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:31,107 Sure was. My part of Canada's pretty different from New York. 238 00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:33,576 Oh, I bet it was an "Incredible Journey"" 239 00:09:33,577 --> 00:09:36,546 - What part of Canada is that? Speak. - Labrador. 240 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,080 This isn't happening. 241 00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:39,949 Hey, Nate, 242 00:09:39,950 --> 00:09:42,084 why don't you go play some music on the jukebox. 243 00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:44,520 - No, I'm good. - Oh, shoot, dropped my keys. 244 00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:46,189 - I'll get 'em. - Okay. 245 00:09:46,790 --> 00:09:48,975 Hey, guys, this is Nora. 246 00:09:48,976 --> 00:09:51,127 - Hey. - Hey, how are you. - Hey. 247 00:09:51,128 --> 00:09:52,428 - Nice to meet you. - How's it going? 248 00:09:52,429 --> 00:09:53,946 We were just passing by, 249 00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,698 and I wanted to pop in for two reasons. 250 00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:57,099 First, I wanted to let you know 251 00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,901 that your friend Barney is being a perfect gentleman. 252 00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,536 Well, it's still early. 253 00:10:00,537 --> 00:10:01,938 I'm being serious. 254 00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:04,507 I had no idea that deep down, he's such a romantic. 255 00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,776 I had no idea he had a deep down. 256 00:10:06,777 --> 00:10:08,544 Oh, you should have heard him at dinner. 257 00:10:08,545 --> 00:10:11,414 I mean, I like being single, 258 00:10:11,415 --> 00:10:15,017 but secretly, I want to have kids. 259 00:10:15,018 --> 00:10:16,085 How many do you want? 260 00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:17,954 Three... one of each. 261 00:10:17,955 --> 00:10:19,388 You? 262 00:10:19,389 --> 00:10:22,425 Three. All in an old stone house. 263 00:10:22,426 --> 00:10:23,960 Yeah, with ivy growing on it. 264 00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:25,461 Cocktails on the patio. 265 00:10:25,462 --> 00:10:27,096 And we must have a pool. 266 00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:28,698 We? 267 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,934 A pool sounds brilliant. 268 00:10:33,103 --> 00:10:34,837 Are you for real, Barney? 269 00:10:35,238 --> 00:10:37,106 I really am. 270 00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:39,809 Unbelievable. 271 00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:40,877 I know, right? 272 00:10:40,878 --> 00:10:42,311 And the second reason we popped in 273 00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:44,030 is 'cause I need to use the loo. 274 00:10:44,031 --> 00:10:45,498 But when I get back, 275 00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:48,484 I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here. 276 00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:50,820 I assure you, that's not a nickname that I... 277 00:10:52,055 --> 00:10:56,125 And that explains your 14-second cardiac arrest. 278 00:10:57,794 --> 00:11:00,129 Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie. 279 00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:04,367 I'm not lying! Guys, Nora's really special. 280 00:11:04,368 --> 00:11:05,468 In fact... 281 00:11:05,469 --> 00:11:07,303 I think I'm... 282 00:11:07,304 --> 00:11:08,871 falling in love with her. 283 00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:14,677 Guys! I'm serious. 284 00:11:14,678 --> 00:11:16,178 I'm not going to let you do this. 285 00:11:16,179 --> 00:11:17,980 When Nora gets back here, I'm blowing the whistle. 286 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,316 Just make sure it's not a high-frequency whistle, 287 00:11:20,317 --> 00:11:22,184 because we don't want to torture Robin's boyfriend. 288 00:11:22,886 --> 00:11:24,387 Guys, this is real. 289 00:11:24,388 --> 00:11:27,189 And if you don't make me look good in front of Nora, 290 00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:29,258 just remember: I've got dirt on each of you, 291 00:11:29,259 --> 00:11:31,093 and I am not afraid to spill it. 292 00:11:31,094 --> 00:11:34,163 Barney, you can't blackmail us into lying to Nora. 293 00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:35,431 Really, Lily? 294 00:11:35,432 --> 00:11:38,234 Even if I were to mention, oh, I don't know... 295 00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:40,369 your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig? 296 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,238 Mr. Buttons? 297 00:11:42,239 --> 00:11:44,640 Oh, you son of a bitch. 298 00:11:44,641 --> 00:11:46,075 Fine. I'll be nice. 299 00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:48,144 - Marshall? - You got nothing on me. 300 00:11:48,145 --> 00:11:50,112 - The calzone? - Checkmate. 301 00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:51,814 Robin. 302 00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:54,383 Don't say the Mr. T dream, don't say the Mr. T dream, 303 00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:55,618 don't say the Mr. T dream... 304 00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:56,852 The Mr. T dream... 305 00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,588 I'm lost. 306 00:11:58,589 --> 00:11:59,755 Ted? 307 00:11:59,756 --> 00:12:01,757 Go ahead. Give me your best. 308 00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:03,125 My life's an open book. 309 00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:04,360 The ballet class. 310 00:12:04,361 --> 00:12:06,662 I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed. 311 00:12:06,663 --> 00:12:08,431 The 'N Sync concert. 312 00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:11,133 1998. Cleveland's Gund Arena, front row. Caught JC's shirt. 313 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:12,702 What else you got? 314 00:12:12,703 --> 00:12:14,704 Okay, Ted. 315 00:12:14,705 --> 00:12:16,205 The thermos. 316 00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:19,308 I suppose it's possible Barney has real feelings for Nora. 317 00:12:19,309 --> 00:12:21,961 I do! So be cool! 318 00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,848 There's a man back there who seems fascinated 319 00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:27,550 by the records flipping in the jukebox. 320 00:12:28,318 --> 00:12:30,753 Sorry, toots. He's taken. 321 00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:33,689 So. How do you all know Barney? 322 00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:35,324 Oh, I don't know how we know Barney. 323 00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:37,526 How does anyone know how they know anyone? 324 00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,895 I like your pretty hair, help me. 325 00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:43,733 We did not meet him at a strip club. 326 00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:44,867 No, sir. 327 00:12:44,868 --> 00:12:46,769 Because... 328 00:12:46,770 --> 00:12:49,438 Barney don't go to no strip clubs. 329 00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:51,574 Oh, come on. Barney's been to a strip club once. 330 00:12:51,575 --> 00:12:52,808 - Once? - Thermos. 331 00:12:52,809 --> 00:12:54,110 Nope. Not even once. 332 00:12:54,111 --> 00:12:58,147 Really? So Barney really is a genuinely a nice guy. 333 00:13:03,253 --> 00:13:04,920 I don't recall. 334 00:13:04,921 --> 00:13:07,523 Okay, I think that we're done here, I think that we have 335 00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:10,192 adequately established that Barney is... 336 00:13:10,193 --> 00:13:13,195 the kind of guy that you would bring home to meet your parents. 337 00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:15,398 Okay? So... let's just drop it, all right? 338 00:13:15,399 --> 00:13:16,649 It's funny you should say that, 339 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,101 because, as it happens, my parents are in town. 340 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,037 They're only here like once a year. 341 00:13:21,038 --> 00:13:22,772 We're getting brunch tomorrow. 342 00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:24,240 Do you want to meet them? 343 00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,375 This was a big deal for Barney. 344 00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:27,710 I only have one rule. 345 00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:33,182 Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents. 346 00:13:33,883 --> 00:13:35,785 Not even if she's hot? 347 00:13:35,786 --> 00:13:38,521 Not even if her mom's hot. 348 00:13:38,522 --> 00:13:40,456 I'd love to meet your parents. 349 00:13:41,158 --> 00:13:43,292 It's a date. 350 00:13:44,327 --> 00:13:46,095 Well, we should get going. Walk me home? 351 00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:47,263 Walk? Somebody say walk? 352 00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:49,548 I'll go for a walk. I love a good walk. 353 00:13:49,549 --> 00:13:52,001 No, Scooby, you, uh... stay! 354 00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,907 Oh, no. I got called back in to work. 355 00:13:57,908 --> 00:14:00,309 Can you keep an eye on him until I get back? 356 00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:02,461 He's new to the city, and he doesn't really know anyone. 357 00:14:02,462 --> 00:14:04,780 I knew it. I knew it. I knew if you got a dog, 358 00:14:04,781 --> 00:14:07,066 - I'd wind up taking care of it. - He's not a... 359 00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,236 Good night. 360 00:14:12,322 --> 00:14:13,723 What do we do now? 361 00:14:13,724 --> 00:14:15,491 Oh! I got an idea. 362 00:14:15,492 --> 00:14:18,561 I was in the park today, and this guy sold me a big bag of... 363 00:14:18,562 --> 00:14:21,731 Kids, it was a big bag of sandwiches. 364 00:14:21,732 --> 00:14:24,433 - Whoa. - Put that away. 365 00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:27,336 - You guys want to fire these up? - Scooby, we're in our 30s. 366 00:14:27,337 --> 00:14:29,205 We don't smoke sandwiches anymore. 367 00:14:29,206 --> 00:14:31,340 - Sandwich brownies? - Okay. 368 00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:35,411 Sandwiches make me hungry. 369 00:14:35,412 --> 00:14:37,747 Truth. Hey. 370 00:14:37,748 --> 00:14:39,148 - I have a question. - Yeah? 371 00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:43,185 What did Barney mean when he said "calzone"? 372 00:14:44,086 --> 00:14:46,822 - Okay, I'll tell you. - Okay. 373 00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:51,727 One time Barney saw me drop a calzone on the sidewalk, 374 00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:53,529 pick it up, and then keep eating it. 375 00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:57,032 - It feels so good to finally say that out loud. I... - Dude. 376 00:14:57,033 --> 00:14:58,734 Listen to me. 377 00:14:58,735 --> 00:15:01,070 You have nothing to be ashamed of. 378 00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:03,239 That calzone sounds amazing. 379 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:10,045 Guys, I found this on the floor. 380 00:15:10,046 --> 00:15:12,047 Oh, my God. 381 00:15:12,048 --> 00:15:13,783 Scooby ate the whole tray. 382 00:15:13,784 --> 00:15:15,117 Ruh-roh! 383 00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:18,554 Wait. Where is he, anyway? 384 00:15:18,555 --> 00:15:19,972 Oh, dude. 385 00:15:19,973 --> 00:15:21,590 Scooby got out! 386 00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:26,078 Here we are. 387 00:15:27,879 --> 00:15:30,066 I had a really great time tonight. 388 00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:31,868 Yeah, me, too. 389 00:15:38,858 --> 00:15:40,876 Do you want to come upstairs? 390 00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:44,180 I'd love to. 391 00:15:46,383 --> 00:15:47,850 There's just one little thing, 392 00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:50,119 and it probably doesn't matter, but... 393 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,620 I don't want to get married. 394 00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:54,356 I've been saying that all night just to get in your pants. 395 00:15:55,792 --> 00:15:56,959 Whoa! 396 00:15:57,794 --> 00:15:59,595 Oh! Ahh! 397 00:15:59,596 --> 00:16:02,344 Can you believe... 398 00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:11,314 - Oh, my God! I found Scooby's wallet. - Oh, no! 399 00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:14,079 That means the poor guy's out there with no identification. 400 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,083 Robin! Hey. Hey, um, remember Scooby? Uh, well, he got out. 401 00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:19,351 "Got out"? What do you mean? 402 00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:20,919 He just walked out of the apartment. 403 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,388 Someone must've left the door open. 404 00:16:22,389 --> 00:16:23,856 - It wasn't me. - Me neither. 405 00:16:25,291 --> 00:16:27,526 He must've figured out how to open it himself. 406 00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:28,760 He's so smart. 407 00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:30,729 We should get him on Letterman doing tricks. 408 00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:32,314 I know Paul Schaffer's 409 00:16:32,315 --> 00:16:33,832 sandwich guy. This could happen. 410 00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,568 Guys. Get yourselves together and start looking for Scooby. 411 00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,070 I'm on my way home. 412 00:16:38,071 --> 00:16:39,738 Wait wait! Robin. 413 00:16:39,739 --> 00:16:41,490 Can you pick up some calzones? 414 00:16:43,309 --> 00:16:45,577 Wait... Nora, wait. Wait. 415 00:16:45,578 --> 00:16:47,713 I'm sorry I misled you. 416 00:16:47,714 --> 00:16:49,715 Misled? You lied to me! 417 00:16:49,716 --> 00:16:51,283 You had your friends lie to me! 418 00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:54,586 - I was on the spot. This is your fault. - My fault? 419 00:16:54,587 --> 00:16:56,755 Yeah, with the whole "I want to get married" thing. 420 00:16:56,756 --> 00:16:59,725 You can't just tell someone exactly what you want 421 00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,059 out of a relationship. 422 00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:04,696 This... isn't England. 423 00:17:06,533 --> 00:17:08,333 Good-bye, Barney. 424 00:17:10,703 --> 00:17:11,803 Scooby! 425 00:17:11,804 --> 00:17:13,155 Scoob! 426 00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:16,208 - Great idea. - No, great idea! 427 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,709 Okay. If you were new in town 428 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:20,329 and had just ingested an eighth of sandwich, where would you go? 429 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,182 Of course. 430 00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:24,783 Back to the pizza place! 431 00:17:24,784 --> 00:17:26,318 Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went. 432 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,786 Who's Scooby? 433 00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:30,322 - Hey, guys. - Hey, have you seen Scooby? 434 00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:33,158 Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking a leak on that fire hydrant? 435 00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,495 Scooby! 436 00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:39,264 Oh, hey! It's my friends! 437 00:17:39,265 --> 00:17:41,667 No! 438 00:17:41,668 --> 00:17:45,504 And that explains 12:51 a.m. 439 00:17:45,505 --> 00:17:47,506 Okay. None of this suggests a systemic issue. 440 00:17:47,507 --> 00:17:48,840 Your heart's fine. 441 00:17:48,841 --> 00:17:51,643 With a healthy diet, you can live a long and happy life. 442 00:17:51,644 --> 00:17:53,512 If nobody stabs you. 443 00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:55,147 Day's not over. 444 00:17:55,148 --> 00:17:57,282 Okay. 445 00:17:57,283 --> 00:18:01,286 Lily, I'm sorry that I lied about wanting to settle down. 446 00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:03,255 No, that wasn't the lie. 447 00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:05,791 The lie was when you told Nora you were lying. 448 00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:07,226 Because you weren't. 449 00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:09,995 You want that stuff, Barney, I know you do. 450 00:18:09,996 --> 00:18:16,084 Okay. Maybe, eventually, I could settle down. 451 00:18:16,085 --> 00:18:19,638 50 years from now, if I have like a Hefner thing going on 452 00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:21,173 with some really hot twins. 453 00:18:21,174 --> 00:18:22,741 But those twins 454 00:18:22,742 --> 00:18:27,613 won't even be born for another... 32 years. 455 00:18:27,614 --> 00:18:28,981 I mean... 456 00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:32,818 Nora's great. She's wonderful. But... 457 00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:34,520 What time was your dinner reservation? 458 00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:36,355 Last night? 8:30. 459 00:18:36,356 --> 00:18:38,790 What did his heart do at 8:30? 460 00:18:49,569 --> 00:18:53,038 It... literally skipped a beat. 461 00:18:54,107 --> 00:18:56,308 Your heart's talking to you, Barney. 462 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,443 Do you have the guts to listen to it? 463 00:19:19,265 --> 00:19:21,166 - I lied. - Barney. 464 00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:23,835 When I said I lied, that was a lie, and I'm sorry. 465 00:19:23,836 --> 00:19:25,837 - I'm confused. - So am I. 466 00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:29,308 This, all of this, this is totally new to me, 467 00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:31,310 but I know it's what I want. 468 00:19:31,311 --> 00:19:32,978 I want to be confused. 469 00:19:32,979 --> 00:19:34,846 With you. 470 00:19:39,852 --> 00:19:42,654 Mom, Dad... 471 00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:44,256 this is Barney. 472 00:19:44,257 --> 00:19:45,524 Hi. 473 00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:47,859 I'm Barney. Great to meet you. 474 00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,845 Hey, you want to see a magic trick? 475 00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:23,923 Transcript by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com