1
00:00:02,562 --> 00:00:05,125
The seven wonders of the world...
2
00:00:05,427 --> 00:00:07,811
Christ the Redeemer...
3
00:00:08,292 --> 00:00:10,374
The Taj Mahal...
4
00:00:10,694 --> 00:00:12,544
The great pyramids...
5
00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:16,670
truly man's
greatest achievements.
6
00:00:16,672 --> 00:00:20,364
But there's one man
who sees them differently.
7
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:23,084
If that was on my road,
the council would be on it.
8
00:00:23,204 --> 00:00:24,823
They'd go, "Get that down.
It's a death trap."
9
00:00:24,943 --> 00:00:27,340
[ Laughing ]
10
00:00:27,342 --> 00:00:28,741
Karl Pilkington.
11
00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:31,331
Is this for the hunting,
or is she just a bit forward?
12
00:00:31,451 --> 00:00:33,043
I don't know
the politically correct term.
13
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,965
"Moron," I think.
14
00:00:35,085 --> 00:00:40,578
He is a round, empty-headed,
chimp-like, manc moron.
15
00:00:40,698 --> 00:00:42,101
Buffoon, idiot.
16
00:00:42,221 --> 00:00:43,425
[ Groans ]
17
00:00:43,545 --> 00:00:45,959
And he's a friend.
[ Gags ]
18
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:47,425
He's a typical little Englander,
19
00:00:47,545 --> 00:00:49,632
and he doesn't like going
out of his comfort zone.
20
00:00:51,607 --> 00:00:53,162
I just think
that it would be amazing
21
00:00:53,282 --> 00:00:55,376
to send him around the world.
22
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What we'd like to see is him
experience other cultures,
23
00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:02,738
other peoples,
and see if, in any way,
24
00:01:02,858 --> 00:01:05,272
we can change his outlook
on the world.
25
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:06,630
I want him to hate it.
26
00:01:07,499 --> 00:01:10,075
I want him to hate every minute
of it for my own amusement.
27
00:01:11,119 --> 00:01:12,686
Nothing is funnier
28
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:16,060
than Karl in a corner
being poked by a stick.
29
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I am that stick.
And now I have the might
30
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:21,137
of Sky behind me.
31
00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:26,289
This is one of the funniest,
most expensive practical jokes
32
00:01:26,409 --> 00:01:28,786
I've ever done,
and it's gonna be great.
33
00:01:29,341 --> 00:01:31,181
Just let me go!
No.
34
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,180
[Bleep]
35
00:01:33,558 --> 00:01:36,816
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
36
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First discovered by western eyes
in about 1911...
37
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Machu Picchu, Peru,
38
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truly one of the seven wonders.
39
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You must be very familiar
with that.
40
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,274
Breathtaking.
41
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,674
No, I haven't heard of that.
42
00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:51,842
Never heard of it?
43
00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:53,443
Pilkington:
Good view.
44
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:56,239
Good view...
important.
45
00:01:56,359 --> 00:01:57,747
Bit out of the way.
46
00:01:57,749 --> 00:02:02,104
It's accessible by an 11-hour
trek through the mountains.
47
00:02:02,224 --> 00:02:03,599
Well, that's not accessible,
is it?
48
00:02:03,719 --> 00:02:05,630
[ Laughs ]
That's true!
49
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,563
That wouldn't cut the mustard on "Location,
Location, Location," would it?
50
00:02:08,683 --> 00:02:10,690
You can't live like that,
can you?
51
00:02:11,528 --> 00:02:14,211
You can't... I mean,
people moan at me.
52
00:02:14,331 --> 00:02:17,414
Delivery drivers moan at me just
'cause I'm on the second floor.
53
00:02:18,695 --> 00:02:20,733
So, if you're up there, they're
gonna have a ripe whinge on
54
00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:22,335
by the time they get to you.
55
00:02:24,086 --> 00:02:25,305
You don't seem that fazed
56
00:02:25,425 --> 00:02:27,135
by the fact that you
got to do an 11-hour trek.
57
00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:28,440
I like a walk.
58
00:02:28,442 --> 00:02:31,075
I'll probably see loads
of better things on the way
59
00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:32,376
than I do when I get there.
60
00:02:32,378 --> 00:02:34,577
Uh, camping.
61
00:02:34,579 --> 00:02:37,947
Yeah, camping's all right.
I mean, it's quite relaxing.
62
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:41,549
You're out in the open air.
Quite like the idea of that.
63
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:44,585
The only thing that's
annoying with camping
64
00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:48,054
is the toilet situation.
65
00:02:48,056 --> 00:02:50,189
India...
Hole in the ground.
66
00:02:50,191 --> 00:02:51,423
It is better.
67
00:02:51,425 --> 00:02:53,457
It can't possibly be better.
68
00:02:53,459 --> 00:02:55,025
Why not?
69
00:02:55,027 --> 00:02:57,027
In China, where I thought
they're advanced,
70
00:02:57,029 --> 00:02:59,229
they still had
a hole in the ground.
71
00:02:59,231 --> 00:03:01,898
That starts me main panic
that I've had about this trip.
72
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,766
How am I gonna do it
in the woods?
73
00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:07,336
Made this.
74
00:03:07,338 --> 00:03:09,605
A little camping chair.
75
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:12,941
Put a little hole in it.
76
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,610
So it doesn't rip anymore,
I just put staples around it.
77
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,711
I don't know if that's
a good idea or not,
78
00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:19,846
'cause I haven't had
me bare ass on it yet.
79
00:03:19,848 --> 00:03:21,481
It's only 8 quid.
80
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:24,683
Pop that up.
Sit down like that.
81
00:03:24,685 --> 00:03:27,385
Put me toilet roll
in the drinks holder...
82
00:03:27,387 --> 00:03:29,053
Once I've used it a bit.
83
00:03:29,055 --> 00:03:33,123
Looks all right, doesn't it?
84
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,924
I mean, it's the last one,
isn't it?
85
00:03:34,926 --> 00:03:37,059
It should be the easiest one,
'cause in my head,
86
00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:38,527
I'm going, "It's over now."
87
00:03:38,529 --> 00:03:42,231
So, no matter how bad it gets,
I think that will keep me going.
88
00:03:45,234 --> 00:03:49,805
Not happy with this.
Seriously not happy with this.
89
00:03:49,807 --> 00:03:53,708
It's funny how the directors
got in a different one.
90
00:03:56,978 --> 00:03:58,612
I'm not getting on this.
91
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:01,215
Why's it landing on water?
There's enough land here.
92
00:04:01,217 --> 00:04:03,550
Chop some of the trees down.
[Bleep] of land.
93
00:04:03,552 --> 00:04:05,985
Make another runway.
Why are we landing on this?
94
00:04:05,987 --> 00:04:09,021
I thought we were
just going to Machu Picchu.
95
00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:12,724
I've got to get on a plane.
And apparently, there's smoke.
96
00:04:12,726 --> 00:04:16,695
Yeah, look, they've got
the engine opened up.
97
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:23,302
Is it easily sorted?
Can you fix it?
98
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,569
No.
99
00:04:24,571 --> 00:04:27,573
You can't fix it?
100
00:04:27,575 --> 00:04:30,276
Don't worry.
It's okay.
101
00:04:30,278 --> 00:04:32,111
It's okay.
102
00:04:32,113 --> 00:04:34,114
[ Engine turns over ]
103
00:04:37,218 --> 00:04:39,753
Bit of banging.
104
00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:54,502
We get on it.
Met the captain.
105
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:55,837
He's called George,
106
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,139
which isn't a name
that pilots normally have.
107
00:04:58,141 --> 00:05:00,441
When you hear them
on the speaker thing,
108
00:05:00,443 --> 00:05:03,043
it's normally the surnames
they use and stuff.
109
00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:05,379
And it's sort of
a bit posh-sounding.
110
00:05:05,381 --> 00:05:07,748
I've never heard,
"All right, George here."
111
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,218
That isn't a pilot's name, that.
112
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,954
[Bleep]
113
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:15,023
Whoa!
What's it doing?
114
00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:16,958
Every time I looked over,
115
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,526
he seemed to have his hand
on something,
116
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:19,727
and this fella next to him's
117
00:05:19,729 --> 00:05:21,262
sort of grabbing it,
going, "Don't do that."
118
00:05:21,264 --> 00:05:22,697
And he's sort of looking like,
"What?"
119
00:05:22,699 --> 00:05:24,700
I think that's why
they have doors on planes...
120
00:05:24,702 --> 00:05:25,801
so you can't see the captain.
121
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,202
It has nothing to do
with security.
122
00:05:27,204 --> 00:05:29,237
It's just so you can't see
the devil who's driving it.
123
00:05:29,239 --> 00:05:31,139
'Cause it puts you on edge,
doesn't it?
124
00:05:31,141 --> 00:05:33,141
And I looked again.
They've got...Out.
125
00:05:33,143 --> 00:05:35,677
Sat there having his lunch.
126
00:05:35,679 --> 00:05:38,513
It's only an hour flight.
Have it before we go or when we get there.
127
00:05:38,515 --> 00:05:41,149
See, it's just little things
like that that niggle me.
128
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:47,322
So, what?
Are we landing down here?
129
00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:48,790
Where's the wonder?
130
00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:53,161
[Bleep]
131
00:05:53,163 --> 00:05:55,430
[ Groans ]
132
00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:42,710
It just annoys me,
'cause they always say to me,
133
00:06:42,712 --> 00:06:45,012
"Oh, you always come across
pissed off," and all that and,
134
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:46,881
"People would love to do
what you're doing."
135
00:06:46,883 --> 00:06:49,332
But they wouldn't,
'cause I'm constantly on edge.
136
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,087
I haven't slept
for about 30-odd hours.
137
00:06:52,089 --> 00:06:54,790
[ Grunts ]
138
00:06:54,792 --> 00:06:57,159
Richard: You ever been
to the jungle before?
139
00:06:57,161 --> 00:07:02,130
No, why would I?
Why would I go to the jungle?
140
00:07:02,132 --> 00:07:03,731
I've never watched "Tarzan"
and thought,
141
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,132
"I'd like to go there
on holiday."
142
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,900
It never looks great.
143
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,805
It's the last one.
144
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,041
But that's what worries me.
It's the last one.
145
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,244
That's part of the problem,
though, isn't it?
146
00:07:17,246 --> 00:07:19,980
'Cause Ricky and Steve are
going, "Let's go out on a bang."
147
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,050
[ Sighs ]
148
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:24,627
These are getting
on my [bleep] already.
149
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,726
What do you make of the Amazon?
150
00:07:30,728 --> 00:07:31,894
Is this it?
151
00:07:31,896 --> 00:07:33,730
I don't want to see all of it,
152
00:07:33,732 --> 00:07:35,399
so get that out your head.
153
00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:39,035
I mean, it's no different
to the Thames, is it?
154
00:07:39,037 --> 00:07:43,073
Pilkington: Is it a nice place
where we're staying, Will?
155
00:07:43,075 --> 00:07:45,209
Will:
This is jungle land.
156
00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:47,611
We're staying in the jungle?
157
00:07:50,014 --> 00:07:52,382
It's getting
to the end of the day,
158
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,351
so I've got to go in the jungle.
159
00:07:54,353 --> 00:07:57,020
I've got to try and sleep
in the jungle.
160
00:07:57,022 --> 00:08:01,424
Will: Be careful. Have to watch
where you're walking.
161
00:08:01,426 --> 00:08:06,296
It has many species
of dangerous things.
162
00:08:06,298 --> 00:08:07,764
Pilkington: Like what?
163
00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:14,337
Like scorpions, tarantulas,
spiders, ants.
164
00:08:19,509 --> 00:08:22,211
[Bleep]
165
00:08:22,213 --> 00:08:25,014
[Bleep] hell.
166
00:08:25,016 --> 00:08:26,983
I want to go home.
167
00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:31,754
Now we are very lucky
to find a place where we stay.
168
00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:33,655
"Lucky"?
We're lucky?
169
00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:34,890
We are lucky.
170
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:36,691
Come on.
171
00:08:36,693 --> 00:08:39,361
Hold on [bleep]
172
00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:43,866
Will you fit over there?
173
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,735
Will I fit on what?
On that?
174
00:08:46,737 --> 00:08:48,837
Yes.
175
00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:53,175
I can't be bothered.
What is this about?
176
00:08:53,177 --> 00:08:54,877
How do you know
where you're going now?
177
00:08:54,879 --> 00:08:57,146
There's no path or anything.
You're just chopping away.
178
00:08:57,148 --> 00:09:00,617
This is the place where we stay.
179
00:09:00,619 --> 00:09:02,786
We'll be resting tonight in here.
180
00:09:02,788 --> 00:09:05,455
This is a good place, is it?
Yeah.
181
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,857
[ Insects chirping ]
182
00:09:07,859 --> 00:09:10,494
[ Sighs ]
183
00:09:12,497 --> 00:09:14,398
Richard: What do you make
of the campsite?
184
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,834
It's not a campsite.
What are you on about?
185
00:09:16,836 --> 00:09:19,870
Campsite.
This isn't a campsite.
186
00:09:19,872 --> 00:09:21,705
I've been to campsites.
187
00:09:21,707 --> 00:09:25,409
They have toilets, showers,
maybe a little arcade.
188
00:09:25,411 --> 00:09:29,647
A fella on a... you know,
on the front gate
189
00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:31,715
checking you've got a pass
to come in.
190
00:09:31,717 --> 00:09:35,219
To them at home watching it,
they're going,
191
00:09:35,221 --> 00:09:36,787
"Don't know what
all the fuss is about.
192
00:09:36,789 --> 00:09:39,355
I've seen this time
and time again."
193
00:09:39,357 --> 00:09:41,057
I am knackered, and I don't know
194
00:09:41,059 --> 00:09:43,760
how to get that across to them
at home, that I'm pissed off.
195
00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:49,065
[ Sighs ]
196
00:09:53,371 --> 00:09:55,939
Only filmed a little bit so far.
197
00:09:55,941 --> 00:09:57,374
I know, but I tell you what.
198
00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:59,843
I tell you what we could do,
like Attenborough does.
199
00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:01,145
He's got it right.
200
00:10:01,147 --> 00:10:03,114
He does a little thing
at the start going,
201
00:10:03,116 --> 00:10:04,282
"Here I am in the Amazon."
202
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:06,352
You never see him again.
It's all voice-over.
203
00:10:06,354 --> 00:10:07,920
I bet he lands.
204
00:10:07,922 --> 00:10:09,922
I bet they go, "Keep that
[bleep] plane engine running."
205
00:10:09,924 --> 00:10:12,392
"Here I am in the Amazon."
Then he [bleep] off, back off.
206
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,527
Back off home.
And then he sat in a studio.
207
00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:15,962
"And there I was with a frog."
208
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:17,664
Where?
We never see him anymore.
209
00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,632
He's never there
with a frog in his hand.
210
00:10:19,634 --> 00:10:22,502
It's always like a big close-up.
You don't know where he is.
211
00:10:22,504 --> 00:10:24,437
He's at home!
212
00:10:24,439 --> 00:10:27,873
And I'm sat in a toilet
that I've made,
213
00:10:28,775 --> 00:10:31,643
that I know
I'll be sat here later
214
00:10:31,645 --> 00:10:33,259
having a [bleep]
215
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:37,682
Thinking, "What am I doing?
What am I doing?"
216
00:10:43,023 --> 00:10:44,451
Pilkington: I don't understand
what they're thinking.
217
00:10:44,571 --> 00:10:47,136
I thought Ricky and Steve
were sending me to Machu Picchu,
218
00:10:47,256 --> 00:10:49,529
so why am I in the middle
of the Amazon now?
219
00:10:55,766 --> 00:10:57,367
Richard:
How was last night?
220
00:10:57,808 --> 00:11:01,410
I can't stay here again.
I can't. I can't.
221
00:11:03,949 --> 00:11:06,440
Ah [bleep]
222
00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:10,669
I can't stay here again.
223
00:11:10,789 --> 00:11:12,153
I've got to move on.
224
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:15,366
I can't do the tent again.
225
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,593
So you might as well forget this.
226
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,180
At like 1:00 in the morning,
2:00 in the morning,
227
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,231
I'm pissing
into an [bleep] bottle.
228
00:11:25,113 --> 00:11:27,871
This wasn't the plan.
This wasn't the plan.
229
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,443
Nothing makes sense in here.
230
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,105
That's the other thing.
Nothing makes sense.
231
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,877
Now, that's how much water
I had last night.
232
00:11:34,997 --> 00:11:36,796
There's a little bit left
in the bottom there.
233
00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:37,911
There you go.
234
00:11:37,913 --> 00:11:40,700
So, how have I managed
to piss that much?
235
00:11:41,227 --> 00:11:42,309
It doesn't add up.
236
00:11:42,429 --> 00:11:44,055
I've pissed more than I've drunk.
237
00:11:44,175 --> 00:11:45,991
And look at the color of it.
That isn't healthy.
238
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:49,117
I'm not a doctor, but I've never
pissed like that before.
239
00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:54,327
I know I'm not that old yet,
240
00:11:54,569 --> 00:11:57,263
but I reckon this is
the lowest point of my life.
241
00:12:14,615 --> 00:12:17,216
These are all right, these.
242
00:12:17,218 --> 00:12:22,265
I mean, I'd eat a rodent
if there was nothing else.
243
00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:25,357
But it's hard to sort of
sit over there and tuck down,
244
00:12:25,613 --> 00:12:28,039
you know, tuck into a rat,
245
00:12:28,159 --> 00:12:29,964
when I know I've got
beans and sausage here.
246
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,702
It just seems a bit daft,
doesn't it?
247
00:12:36,573 --> 00:12:38,741
I don't normally cook at home.
248
00:12:38,743 --> 00:12:40,743
Leave it all to Suzanne.
249
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:47,750
The deal is, she does
the cooking, and I wash up.
250
00:12:47,752 --> 00:12:51,620
We've got a dishwasher now,
so I don't really do anything.
251
00:13:01,264 --> 00:13:03,933
Just have a wander about.
252
00:13:03,935 --> 00:13:05,901
Basically I'm just
showing you a tree now.
253
00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:07,236
There's nothing there.
254
00:13:07,238 --> 00:13:10,006
Don't be thinking
that green thing's anything.
255
00:13:10,008 --> 00:13:13,343
Anything?
No, it's just a bit of mold.
256
00:13:13,345 --> 00:13:16,914
You know, do we actually
need these creatures
257
00:13:16,916 --> 00:13:18,716
for the world to go on?
258
00:13:18,718 --> 00:13:20,751
All right, that one there,
I'm talking about,
259
00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:22,085
the one with its head down.
260
00:13:22,087 --> 00:13:24,388
All right. There you go.
He's walking over there.
261
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,556
Having a little wrestle
with another one.
262
00:13:26,558 --> 00:13:27,657
Just started a fight,
263
00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:29,759
so that's a bit of a hooligan,
that one.
264
00:13:29,761 --> 00:13:31,260
Everywhere you look,
there's stuff whizzing
265
00:13:31,262 --> 00:13:34,996
'round your ears all the time
or crawling up your arm.
266
00:13:34,998 --> 00:13:36,564
I'm just gonna get bitten a lot.
267
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:41,035
Little stick insect
I just found on a tree.
268
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,738
In here, there's always
something on me arm.
269
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:47,876
Look at that little fly
stopped there, as well.
270
00:13:47,878 --> 00:13:49,044
Imagine it.
271
00:13:49,046 --> 00:13:51,179
Imagine being a stick insect
walking about.
272
00:13:51,181 --> 00:13:53,582
You'd be forever going,
"Is that what's his name?"
273
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:56,818
And you'd have to walk
all the way up to the twig.
274
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:59,454
You know, "Oh, it's just
a bloody twig again."
275
00:13:59,456 --> 00:14:00,923
It doesn't work.
276
00:14:00,925 --> 00:14:02,458
"She looks nice.
I'm going over there.
277
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,393
All right, love.
Oh, she's a stick."
278
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:07,863
It's hard. It's a hard life
to be a stick insect.
279
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:11,533
And what's that tree all about?
280
00:14:11,535 --> 00:14:14,170
Trees... dangerous trees.
281
00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:17,540
I was worried about scorpions
and spiders and [bleep]
282
00:14:17,542 --> 00:14:20,008
[Bleep] tree with knives
coming out of it.
283
00:14:27,551 --> 00:14:29,518
I feel like
I've seen the jungle now.
284
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,253
You know, I've had a look around.
285
00:14:31,255 --> 00:14:33,088
I've seen all the insects
and that,
286
00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:35,757
so I might as well just have
another look at the Amazon.
287
00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:38,726
You know, everyone seems
to make a fuss about it,
288
00:14:38,728 --> 00:14:40,728
say, "Oh," you know, "The
Amazon's nice and everything."
289
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,963
What I saw of it the other day,
I wasn't that impressed.
290
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,999
But Will wants me to go out
again, so I might as well,
291
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:48,634
'cause there's
nothing else to do.
292
00:14:48,636 --> 00:14:51,673
There it is.
Will that come over?
293
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:53,739
Will: Huh?
[Bleep]
294
00:14:53,741 --> 00:14:55,841
[ Speaks native language ]
295
00:14:55,843 --> 00:14:58,210
I had no idea they had
dolphins swimming about.
296
00:14:58,212 --> 00:14:59,878
Richard: Do you like
dolphins, Karl?
297
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,414
Um...
298
00:15:02,416 --> 00:15:04,583
Yeah, they're all right.
299
00:15:04,585 --> 00:15:05,850
It sort of gets on my nerves
300
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:07,819
how people say
they're really intelligent,
301
00:15:07,821 --> 00:15:10,956
'cause I've never seen any of them
do anything that's blown me away.
302
00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:12,591
I don't know,
maybe it's just the way
303
00:15:12,593 --> 00:15:15,427
they get raved about so much by
people saying they're intelligent.
304
00:15:15,429 --> 00:15:16,728
That's what annoys me.
305
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:18,931
'Cause everyone's always
calling me a div.
306
00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:20,899
So the fact that they're going,
"Yeah, Karl's an idiot,"
307
00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:22,401
but they go,
"Yeah, dolphins are bright."
308
00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:24,236
That's all I mean.
309
00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:26,638
There we go.
310
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,141
Whoo-hoo!
311
00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,810
Will: Be careful.
312
00:15:30,812 --> 00:15:34,147
Whoa!
313
00:15:34,149 --> 00:15:37,717
It's the waves.
314
00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:54,632
Just got me
this ginger crinkle crunch.
315
00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:03,174
It tastes even better, eh?
316
00:16:03,176 --> 00:16:04,877
Will: Come on.
What?
317
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:07,079
I want to show you something.
318
00:16:07,081 --> 00:16:08,514
Come on here.
319
00:16:08,516 --> 00:16:10,383
What?
Come on.
320
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:11,985
Is that Will?
321
00:16:11,987 --> 00:16:14,554
I have something to show you,
I think, that you never see.
322
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:18,792
Do you see this?
323
00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:23,497
[Bleep] hell.
324
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:26,533
I think he wants to
eat something.
325
00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:29,103
Did you say that it's poisonous
or it's not poisonous?
326
00:16:29,105 --> 00:16:31,171
They'll bite you,
but it's not poisonous.
327
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:33,907
Again, that's no good.
328
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:36,343
So, these are the ones
that wrap 'round you,
329
00:16:36,345 --> 00:16:38,412
and then you sort of
breathe in...
330
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,480
[ gasps ]
What's that?
331
00:16:40,482 --> 00:16:42,983
I'm gonna stand over here
a minute.
332
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:46,485
Why?
You are in the jungle.
333
00:16:46,487 --> 00:16:49,488
I know I am.
I wish I wasn't.
334
00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:52,191
This is ridiculous, this.
335
00:16:53,281 --> 00:16:54,847
Nothing's normal, is it?
336
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:56,321
I had two minutes over there,
337
00:16:56,441 --> 00:16:58,630
sat by a fire, having a biscuit
and a cup of coffee.
338
00:16:58,632 --> 00:17:00,274
[ Laughs ]
339
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,718
And all this is going on.
340
00:17:02,429 --> 00:17:03,863
Should we give it
a bit of biscuit?
341
00:17:03,983 --> 00:17:05,437
For what?
It doesn't eat biscuit.
342
00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:06,638
How do you know?
How do you know?
343
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,306
Have you ever tried feeding
one of them a biscuit?
344
00:17:08,308 --> 00:17:09,908
Well, then, you're gonna
learn something, then.
345
00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:12,811
Listen to me.
Watch this. Watch this.
346
00:17:12,813 --> 00:17:15,881
What? Biscuit?
Okay.
347
00:17:15,883 --> 00:17:17,312
Can you get a light on it?
348
00:17:17,432 --> 00:17:19,218
The head is over here.
349
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,253
I wasted a biscuit, really.
350
00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:23,989
[ Insects chirping ]
351
00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:33,672
The noise is doing me head in.
352
00:17:37,643 --> 00:17:40,476
It's different insects
going off all the time.
353
00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:50,599
I mean, they say most
of the jungle is nocturnal.
354
00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:53,942
But I'm not surprised.
355
00:17:54,753 --> 00:17:56,616
They all have to be awake
through the night.
356
00:17:56,736 --> 00:17:57,826
There's no chance
of getting any sleep here,
357
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,420
even if you're not
a nocturnal animal.
358
00:18:00,976 --> 00:18:03,353
Let's face it... with this racket,
I'm not gonna get any sleep, am I?
359
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:44,397
Is he having a laugh?
360
00:18:45,352 --> 00:18:48,152
And what does he mean,
"They used to be cannibals"?
361
00:18:51,402 --> 00:18:53,458
What are they doing now, then?
362
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:57,822
What happens if it's just,
I'm, like, a rare delicacy
363
00:18:58,078 --> 00:19:00,164
that triggers something off?
364
00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:02,557
"We haven't had
a white man for years."
365
00:19:02,856 --> 00:19:04,566
Before you know it,
they're giving it all this...
366
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:07,413
"hey, hey, hey"... 'round
the fire, me sat in a pot.
367
00:19:10,556 --> 00:19:11,552
What am I gonna do?
368
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:13,146
Richard: You're worrying
too much.
369
00:19:14,485 --> 00:19:16,548
"Worrying too much"?
370
00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:17,906
Just gonna stay
with some cannibals.
371
00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:21,119
Make you feel...
you know, feel at home.
372
00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:23,087
[Bleep] me.
373
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:24,478
I haven't got a problem.
374
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:29,945
If I got hungry,
I'd quite happily eat human.
375
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,096
There's no difference.
376
00:19:32,098 --> 00:19:33,731
They say it tastes
like pork anyway.
377
00:19:34,678 --> 00:19:36,144
Say if they took the lid off
378
00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:40,085
and it was just a foot and they
sort of said, "Have a bit,"
379
00:19:40,205 --> 00:19:41,738
I'd almost be a bit like,
380
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,442
"I want to know a bit
about the person first."
381
00:19:43,562 --> 00:19:45,605
In the same way
that we do with chickens.
382
00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:47,392
Everything's got to be,
"Is it organic?
383
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,427
"Where's this been brought up?
What field has it been on?
384
00:19:49,429 --> 00:19:50,762
What's it been eating?"
385
00:19:50,764 --> 00:19:53,462
I'd be a bit like that.
I'd want an organic foot.
386
00:19:53,582 --> 00:19:55,534
I'd want to know
the history of it.
387
00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,101
Did he have athlete's foot?
388
00:19:57,103 --> 00:19:58,603
How often did he change his sock?
389
00:19:58,605 --> 00:20:00,804
Just a little bit of something
that goes,
390
00:20:00,806 --> 00:20:03,145
"Yeah, this is a nice foot.
It's worth eating."
391
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:12,883
All right, didn't wave back,
392
00:20:12,885 --> 00:20:14,818
so they don't know
what that means,
393
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:16,554
or they hate me already.
394
00:20:16,556 --> 00:20:17,855
I don't know.
395
00:20:20,158 --> 00:20:21,110
Nothing. Nothing again.
396
00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:22,675
I'm not doing that again.
It's embarrassing.
397
00:20:22,795 --> 00:20:25,463
It's like asking
someone's name three times
398
00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:27,332
and not hearing them.
399
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,834
Are they smiling, even?
400
00:20:32,772 --> 00:20:35,007
This is proper, isn't it?
401
00:20:35,009 --> 00:20:37,643
This is, like, proper tribe.
402
00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:45,450
[Bleep]
403
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:49,954
Have they seen me?
What a knobhead I look.
404
00:20:49,956 --> 00:20:53,157
What a way for them to see me.
405
00:20:55,026 --> 00:20:57,027
This...
406
00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:59,663
Are they up there? Aw,
they're all watching as well.
407
00:20:59,665 --> 00:21:01,897
There's some stairs there.
408
00:21:01,899 --> 00:21:05,835
You think they would have sorted this
out for me if they knew I was coming.
409
00:21:09,707 --> 00:21:12,309
Do I want the bags yet?
410
00:21:12,311 --> 00:21:14,244
Oh, right.
411
00:21:14,246 --> 00:21:16,646
Okay.
412
00:21:18,215 --> 00:21:20,817
He's glad to see the back of us,
isn't he?
413
00:21:23,453 --> 00:21:26,021
See ya, then.
414
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,189
Look at him.
415
00:21:27,191 --> 00:21:29,192
He can't get out of here
quick enough.
416
00:21:29,194 --> 00:21:30,960
He knows more than I do,
obviously.
417
00:21:30,962 --> 00:21:33,696
Look at him.
Not hanging about, no waving.
418
00:21:33,698 --> 00:21:37,767
Raymond.
Raymond.
419
00:21:37,769 --> 00:21:40,192
Anyone watching at home,
he does do tours.
420
00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:52,190
Hello.
[ Speaks native language ]
421
00:21:52,285 --> 00:21:53,130
How you doing?
422
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:54,852
[ Speaks native language ]
Yeah.
423
00:21:54,972 --> 00:21:58,390
Hey.
How are you doing?
424
00:21:58,392 --> 00:22:00,745
How do you say "hello," again?
"Hello."
425
00:22:01,662 --> 00:22:04,597
The chief...Around?
426
00:22:04,599 --> 00:22:05,831
Presidente.
427
00:22:05,833 --> 00:22:07,033
Presidente?
428
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,267
Presidente.
429
00:22:08,269 --> 00:22:11,437
This is gonna be hard work.
430
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:15,207
Pilkington:
See, I don't like that.
431
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,376
I don't like the big...
all the attention.
432
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:20,111
That's one of the reasons
I haven't got married.
433
00:22:20,113 --> 00:22:23,481
All that folk...
everyone's looking at me.
434
00:22:23,483 --> 00:22:25,717
You don't know where to look.
435
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,519
It's like, "What's going on?"
436
00:22:29,521 --> 00:22:32,257
[ Man speaks native language ]
437
00:22:32,259 --> 00:22:34,393
All right,
what's he saying, Aldo?
438
00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:35,895
[ Speaks native language ]
439
00:22:35,897 --> 00:22:38,965
What?
440
00:22:38,967 --> 00:22:40,767
What's that?
441
00:22:40,769 --> 00:22:43,870
Hang on. Hang on.
Hang on a minute.
442
00:22:43,872 --> 00:22:45,672
Aldo: "Where are you coming?"
That's what he say.
443
00:22:45,674 --> 00:22:47,741
"Why am I coming"?
"Where are you coming?"
444
00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:49,944
I'm coming here.
445
00:22:49,946 --> 00:22:52,947
Ricky and Steve, my friends,
446
00:22:52,949 --> 00:22:57,485
asked me to stay here
on the way to Machu Picchu.
447
00:22:57,487 --> 00:23:00,554
[ Speaks native language ]
448
00:23:00,556 --> 00:23:04,725
I've just been explaining
to the fella here
449
00:23:04,727 --> 00:23:09,530
that I'm on my way
to Machu Picchu.
450
00:23:09,532 --> 00:23:12,766
Need somewhere to sleep
on my way.
451
00:23:12,768 --> 00:23:15,703
I'm gonna be staying here
in a tent.
452
00:23:15,705 --> 00:23:18,306
All right, let's all...
let's get on with it.
453
00:23:18,308 --> 00:23:19,840
We've all got stuff to do.
454
00:23:19,842 --> 00:23:23,277
[ Sighs ] God.
455
00:23:25,948 --> 00:23:27,749
There's a woman with an ax.
456
00:23:27,751 --> 00:23:29,050
Right.
457
00:23:29,052 --> 00:23:30,718
And she's not wearing the stuff.
458
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,821
It's like she didn't
want to join in.
459
00:23:32,823 --> 00:23:33,989
It's mad, isn't it?
460
00:23:33,991 --> 00:23:36,525
No matter where you live,
there's a nutter.
461
00:23:36,527 --> 00:23:39,394
Whether it's on a council estate
in Manchester, London,
462
00:23:39,396 --> 00:23:41,463
in the jungle.
463
00:23:41,465 --> 00:23:44,032
There's always one
who doesn't want to join in.
464
00:23:44,034 --> 00:23:47,236
Swinging an ax about.
465
00:23:47,238 --> 00:23:49,271
[ Thunder rumbles ]
466
00:23:51,107 --> 00:23:54,176
Looks like it's gonna
Chuck it down.
467
00:23:54,178 --> 00:23:57,812
Richard: No one else
seems to be showering.
468
00:23:59,615 --> 00:24:02,984
I know. I don't understand why.
This is brilliant.
469
00:24:02,986 --> 00:24:05,987
I mean, surely, this is...
470
00:24:05,989 --> 00:24:07,955
They believe in nature
and stuff, don't they?
471
00:24:07,957 --> 00:24:09,290
That you use what God gives you?
472
00:24:09,292 --> 00:24:11,559
I mean, I don't know.
I just made that up.
473
00:24:11,561 --> 00:24:13,528
They haven't said
anything like that,
474
00:24:13,530 --> 00:24:15,330
but I imagine
that's what they do.
475
00:24:17,467 --> 00:24:20,135
[ Rooster crows ]
476
00:24:31,948 --> 00:24:35,351
Is it alive?
477
00:24:35,353 --> 00:24:39,455
The way it's just left there.
478
00:24:39,457 --> 00:24:41,924
It's not looking good for it,
is it?
479
00:24:41,926 --> 00:24:43,392
I don't live here,
480
00:24:43,394 --> 00:24:48,164
but I'm guessing things
aren't looking good for it.
481
00:24:48,166 --> 00:24:50,166
But I don't want to say,
"Don't do that. It's cruel."
482
00:24:50,168 --> 00:24:52,469
'Cause they'll go, "Okay, we'll
go back to our old times, then.
483
00:24:52,471 --> 00:24:54,037
Get in the pot."
484
00:24:54,039 --> 00:24:56,506
So, if it's me or that,
I'll let them have that.
485
00:24:58,643 --> 00:25:00,577
Pilkington:
Don't you want the head?
486
00:25:00,579 --> 00:25:02,780
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
You'd love to eat that.
487
00:25:02,782 --> 00:25:04,882
I saw you cutting it off.
488
00:25:04,884 --> 00:25:06,951
You cut it off.
You eat it.
489
00:25:06,953 --> 00:25:09,553
Well, can you let them know
that I don't feel like
490
00:25:09,555 --> 00:25:11,488
I should take the food from them?
491
00:25:11,490 --> 00:25:13,156
Aldo: Everybody wants you
just to try.
492
00:25:13,158 --> 00:25:15,493
But you're not telling them
what I'm saying.
493
00:25:15,495 --> 00:25:17,728
This is the one time
I need you to explain.
494
00:25:17,730 --> 00:25:19,797
I don't think I should eat.
495
00:25:19,799 --> 00:25:22,132
I shouldn't take food off them.
496
00:25:22,134 --> 00:25:24,968
I'm not actually
a meat-eater.
497
00:25:24,970 --> 00:25:26,837
I don't eat meat.
498
00:25:26,839 --> 00:25:28,581
Vegetarian.
499
00:25:29,742 --> 00:25:32,043
What are they doing for pudding?
500
00:25:40,637 --> 00:25:41,740
What's happening?
501
00:25:46,373 --> 00:25:47,997
What's happening, Aldo?
502
00:25:50,493 --> 00:25:52,370
I didn't think
I'd see that today...
503
00:25:52,490 --> 00:25:56,015
you know, a fella
getting poison off a frog.
504
00:25:57,785 --> 00:25:59,919
They believe that,
if they stick it on you,
505
00:25:59,921 --> 00:26:02,255
gives you extra energy
to go off and hunt,
506
00:26:02,257 --> 00:26:03,589
stuff like that.
507
00:26:03,591 --> 00:26:05,090
It's all about up there,
isn't it?
508
00:26:05,092 --> 00:26:07,158
You know,
I mentioned me auntie Nora,
509
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,027
with the amount of drugs
she's on.
510
00:26:09,029 --> 00:26:10,929
If she was here,
she'd be up for that.
511
00:26:10,931 --> 00:26:12,597
She'd go,
"Oh, I haven't had that.
512
00:26:12,599 --> 00:26:13,965
"What are you mixing there?
513
00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:16,301
Toad and a bit of spit?
Oh, I want to try that."
514
00:26:16,303 --> 00:26:18,302
If it hasn't been tested
on animals,
515
00:26:18,304 --> 00:26:20,104
it's been tested
on me auntie Nora.
516
00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:25,008
So, what?
The just-burned end of a stick.
517
00:26:25,010 --> 00:26:31,648
And now they're putting the
toad sweat and man spit on it.
518
00:26:31,650 --> 00:26:34,819
Does that hurt?
"Aah! Aah!"
519
00:26:34,821 --> 00:26:36,187
Does that hurt?
520
00:26:36,189 --> 00:26:38,857
Aldo:
It make you feel dizzy.
521
00:26:38,859 --> 00:26:43,228
Why do you want that?
Why do you want to feel dizzy?
522
00:26:43,230 --> 00:26:44,663
[ Gagging ]
523
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,668
I'm gonna be sick in a minute.
524
00:26:49,670 --> 00:26:51,570
[ Gags ]
525
00:26:51,572 --> 00:26:52,738
[ Speaks native language ]
526
00:26:52,740 --> 00:26:54,140
Hello.
527
00:26:54,142 --> 00:26:57,310
No, I'm okay now.
I'm full of life.
528
00:26:57,312 --> 00:26:58,645
I'm great.
529
00:26:58,647 --> 00:27:01,014
Can you let him know
I'm full of energy?
530
00:27:01,016 --> 00:27:04,117
Tell him now.
531
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,621
I have that.
532
00:27:07,623 --> 00:27:09,322
Mmm!
533
00:27:09,324 --> 00:27:10,924
Sod off!
534
00:27:10,926 --> 00:27:13,627
[ Laughter ]
535
00:27:13,629 --> 00:27:16,563
I'm not having it done.
536
00:27:16,565 --> 00:27:18,998
Come on, let's go hunting.
537
00:27:20,467 --> 00:27:23,169
Oh, God.
538
00:27:23,171 --> 00:27:25,204
See what's happening here.
539
00:27:25,206 --> 00:27:29,775
Keep walking.
Keep walking.
540
00:27:29,777 --> 00:27:32,978
Is this for the hunting,
or is she just a bit forward?
541
00:27:32,980 --> 00:27:35,447
And the women came over,
542
00:27:35,449 --> 00:27:40,050
put a bit of makeup on me,
made me look like a Jaguar.
543
00:27:40,052 --> 00:27:41,385
That's the idea.
544
00:27:41,387 --> 00:27:44,021
Why did I bother
having a shower yesterday?
545
00:27:44,023 --> 00:27:48,326
Hang on.
546
00:27:50,095 --> 00:27:53,231
Little Johnny,
picking his arrows...
547
00:27:53,233 --> 00:27:55,367
This for the championship.
548
00:27:55,369 --> 00:27:56,701
That's what I do in me head,
549
00:27:56,703 --> 00:27:58,703
sort of build it up
like it's important.
550
00:27:58,705 --> 00:28:00,739
This for £100,000.
551
00:28:00,741 --> 00:28:03,309
And he's got it.
552
00:28:04,811 --> 00:28:06,980
[ Laughter ]
553
00:28:08,417 --> 00:28:10,922
Anyway, they had a go.
They were good.
554
00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:13,887
I had a go.
I was [bleep]
555
00:28:13,889 --> 00:28:17,224
I must have had
about 9 or 10 goes.
556
00:28:17,226 --> 00:28:19,193
[ Groans ]
557
00:28:19,195 --> 00:28:21,261
Well, people were
starting to leave.
558
00:28:21,263 --> 00:28:24,098
[ Groans ]
559
00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:27,301
I can't do it.
Can't do it.
560
00:28:36,645 --> 00:28:38,946
Looks like they're going hunting.
561
00:28:41,216 --> 00:28:43,517
I thought
they would have said to me,
562
00:28:43,519 --> 00:28:45,219
"Do you want to just come?"
563
00:28:45,221 --> 00:28:47,121
Even if they didn't
want me there.
564
00:28:47,123 --> 00:28:50,224
I know I wasn't that great
this morning with the arrows.
565
00:28:50,226 --> 00:28:52,226
They didn't even sort of
sneak off and say,
566
00:28:52,228 --> 00:28:54,695
"Look, we're gonna leave him
behind 'cause he's useless.
567
00:28:54,697 --> 00:28:56,230
"Let's just go one at a time.
568
00:28:56,232 --> 00:28:58,599
Let's not make a big deal
out of our hunt."
569
00:28:58,601 --> 00:29:02,736
The whole village came out again
to see them off.
570
00:29:07,142 --> 00:29:08,888
That's another thing, as well,
571
00:29:09,008 --> 00:29:11,323
about tribes that I read
before I come here.
572
00:29:12,077 --> 00:29:14,084
They only count up to three...
573
00:29:15,650 --> 00:29:17,856
Because they don't need
a higher number.
574
00:29:22,523 --> 00:29:24,057
I read that.
575
00:29:24,059 --> 00:29:26,079
Come here.
576
00:29:26,199 --> 00:29:29,528
Honestly, you'll like this.
You'll love it.
577
00:29:29,530 --> 00:29:33,731
You're the red. Right?
These are all yours.
578
00:29:35,367 --> 00:29:39,970
'Cause they live in a world
where they don't deal with mass.
579
00:29:39,972 --> 00:29:43,140
It's all like,
"You want a chicken leg?"
580
00:29:43,142 --> 00:29:43,926
"Yeah."
581
00:29:44,046 --> 00:29:46,209
"How many do you want?"
582
00:29:46,211 --> 00:29:47,620
"I'll have two."
583
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:49,897
He's not got it, has he?
584
00:29:51,684 --> 00:29:52,981
So...
585
00:29:54,654 --> 00:29:56,043
Now watch.
586
00:29:56,163 --> 00:29:58,523
Right?
So I win. Whee!
587
00:29:58,525 --> 00:30:00,814
"Have you been out hunting?"
"Yeah."
588
00:30:01,695 --> 00:30:04,463
"How many chickens did you get?"
589
00:30:04,465 --> 00:30:06,564
"I got three."
590
00:30:06,566 --> 00:30:07,933
"What, is that all we've got?"
591
00:30:07,935 --> 00:30:10,102
"No. Harry got two."
592
00:30:10,104 --> 00:30:12,938
"Oh, so we got three and two.
Oh, great."
593
00:30:12,940 --> 00:30:15,941
They don't need to
go higher than that.
594
00:30:19,011 --> 00:30:22,247
Which is why they probably
don't understand connect four.
595
00:30:24,751 --> 00:30:27,152
Come on, someone else have a go.
596
00:30:27,154 --> 00:30:28,954
This fella looks serious.
597
00:30:28,956 --> 00:30:32,291
He's got sort of
an intelligent kid's haircut.
598
00:30:32,293 --> 00:30:33,459
[ Beeps ]
599
00:30:33,461 --> 00:30:35,361
Gervais: Ohhhh.
600
00:30:55,416 --> 00:30:56,849
Richard: Karl?
601
00:30:56,851 --> 00:30:58,517
Eh?
602
00:30:58,519 --> 00:31:01,420
I think they want you to pay for
all the gifts you've been given.
603
00:31:01,422 --> 00:31:04,323
Can you get Aldo to tell these
I haven't got any money?
604
00:31:04,325 --> 00:31:06,358
'Cause it's a bit awkward, this.
605
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:09,495
It doesn't translate.
Anything.
606
00:31:09,497 --> 00:31:11,763
Aldo: You have to
give them back.
607
00:31:11,765 --> 00:31:13,798
All right.
I'll give them back.
608
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,700
But it's not 'cause
I don't want them.
609
00:31:15,702 --> 00:31:17,768
It's because I just
haven't got any money.
610
00:31:17,770 --> 00:31:22,774
See, I don't have any money.
They don't give me any money.
611
00:31:22,776 --> 00:31:26,078
I thought they wouldn't
take them off me.
612
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,146
It seems like a bad ending now.
613
00:31:28,148 --> 00:31:30,850
It's all gone a bit downhill now.
614
00:31:33,177 --> 00:31:34,515
I haven't got any money.
615
00:31:42,192 --> 00:31:44,294
Pilkington: Basically,
I've got to get on a plane
616
00:31:44,296 --> 00:31:47,130
and get over
to a place called Cusco
617
00:31:47,132 --> 00:31:49,799
to start the walk
up to Machu Picchu,
618
00:31:49,801 --> 00:31:52,736
which is fine by me, 'cause
we're getting closer and closer.
619
00:31:52,738 --> 00:31:56,306
Just, you know...
just get on with it.
620
00:31:56,308 --> 00:31:59,577
Just waiting for a plane.
621
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:02,747
Weird, though, isn't it?
622
00:32:02,749 --> 00:32:05,651
People at home will be going,
"But you're in a bus stop."
623
00:32:05,653 --> 00:32:09,921
I'm not.
The airport.
624
00:32:09,923 --> 00:32:12,257
Where is the runway?
625
00:32:12,259 --> 00:32:15,226
Richard: Just over there,
I think.
626
00:32:15,228 --> 00:32:17,428
That field.
627
00:32:17,430 --> 00:32:20,965
[ Chuckles ] It's not
an airport, then, is it?
628
00:32:20,967 --> 00:32:24,969
It's a bloke who's built a hut
and got his lawnmower out.
629
00:32:24,971 --> 00:32:27,239
Is it safe?
630
00:32:27,241 --> 00:32:29,441
It just seems a bit mad
that they've got planes
631
00:32:29,443 --> 00:32:31,109
when they haven't got runways.
632
00:32:32,917 --> 00:32:37,004
***
633
00:32:52,625 --> 00:32:56,266
I wasn't even aware of this,
that it's like 30% less oxygen.
634
00:32:56,386 --> 00:32:58,029
I've never heard of that.
635
00:32:58,031 --> 00:32:59,912
So, that's gonna wear me out,
isn't it?
636
00:33:01,184 --> 00:33:02,636
They don't tell you that,
do they?
637
00:33:02,756 --> 00:33:05,113
"Come and see the wonder
and suffocate to death."
638
00:33:08,055 --> 00:33:11,657
I mean, I know the wonder
is meant to take me breath away.
639
00:33:11,777 --> 00:33:13,066
Not like this.
640
00:33:14,114 --> 00:33:15,313
[ Panting ]
641
00:33:17,550 --> 00:33:18,975
Richard: They've got oxygen
over there.
642
00:33:19,095 --> 00:33:20,285
They've got what?
643
00:33:20,405 --> 00:33:22,662
You can buy oxygen in reception.
644
00:33:26,290 --> 00:33:28,837
Is it like... do they have,
like, a little cupboard,
645
00:33:28,890 --> 00:33:30,552
like the fridge that they have,
646
00:33:30,672 --> 00:33:33,570
where they charge you ridiculous
amounts for a bottle of water?
647
00:33:33,855 --> 00:33:35,752
Up there, they'll have
a cupboard full of oxygen,
648
00:33:35,875 --> 00:33:38,275
and they know if you're in there
going [wheezes].
649
00:33:38,277 --> 00:33:39,977
You're not gonna be
going, "How much?
650
00:33:39,979 --> 00:33:41,203
[ Wheezing ]
Forget it."
651
00:33:41,323 --> 00:33:42,869
You're gonna pay how much...
652
00:33:42,989 --> 00:33:45,631
What price do you put on
a bottle of air if you need it?
653
00:33:46,584 --> 00:33:49,483
I bet they've they've got
a right scam going on here.
654
00:33:51,288 --> 00:33:52,854
[ Cellphone rings ]
655
00:33:55,892 --> 00:33:59,395
Yeah, just about.
Just left there yesterday.
656
00:33:59,397 --> 00:34:00,753
Just in Cusco.
657
00:34:07,253 --> 00:34:09,488
Yeah, well, I'm not doing
any more of this,
658
00:34:09,490 --> 00:34:10,329
so you can tell them no.
659
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:12,169
Don't wait for me to get home.
660
00:34:12,289 --> 00:34:15,560
Just say, "He's not interested.
He's been around the world now.
661
00:34:15,562 --> 00:34:17,663
He's seen it all.
He's done everything."
662
00:34:17,665 --> 00:34:18,964
Knock it on the head.
663
00:34:18,966 --> 00:34:20,667
I've been through
a load of [bleep] here.
664
00:34:20,669 --> 00:34:21,475
Tell them now.
665
00:34:21,595 --> 00:34:24,538
Call them now and tell them
that we're not doing series 2.
666
00:34:24,540 --> 00:34:26,440
Nip that in the bud.
667
00:34:26,442 --> 00:34:29,944
See, you've got me heart
going more now.
668
00:34:29,946 --> 00:34:33,215
[ Laughs ]
669
00:34:49,247 --> 00:34:50,488
Apparently, it's a tradition
670
00:34:50,608 --> 00:34:51,855
that, if you're going
on a long walk,
671
00:34:51,975 --> 00:34:54,318
like I'm about to do,
that I'm not in the mood for,
672
00:34:54,953 --> 00:34:57,253
it's good to see this doctor.
673
00:34:57,255 --> 00:35:01,356
He blesses your body,
checks out that you're well,
674
00:35:01,358 --> 00:35:05,061
and gets you ready
for the trek ahead.
675
00:35:05,063 --> 00:35:10,300
So, I meet this bloke,
a local fella called Richard.
676
00:35:12,337 --> 00:35:14,205
Tiny.
Thinking he's miles away.
677
00:35:14,207 --> 00:35:15,406
Turns out he's about 4 foot,
678
00:35:15,408 --> 00:35:17,441
so he seemed further away
than he actually was.
679
00:35:17,443 --> 00:35:20,311
Richard, yeah?
I'm Karl.
680
00:35:20,313 --> 00:35:22,213
Karl.
Karl, yeah.
681
00:35:22,215 --> 00:35:24,749
How are you feeling?
682
00:35:24,751 --> 00:35:27,552
Um...Sick.
683
00:35:27,554 --> 00:35:29,120
Yeah?
684
00:35:29,122 --> 00:35:31,255
[Bleep]
685
00:35:31,257 --> 00:35:33,157
Yeah.
Headache.
686
00:35:33,159 --> 00:35:35,859
He got out, like,
this bag of [bleep]
687
00:35:35,861 --> 00:35:40,564
Bits of grass, plastic things.
688
00:35:40,566 --> 00:35:42,766
You know, when you have
a bowl at home, and you go,
689
00:35:42,768 --> 00:35:44,234
"I might need that,"
690
00:35:44,236 --> 00:35:46,336
and, like, you chuck things
in it... screws, bits of cotton,
691
00:35:46,338 --> 00:35:48,705
string, belly-button fluff,
whatever.
692
00:35:48,707 --> 00:35:50,140
It's like he'd been 'round
693
00:35:50,142 --> 00:35:53,008
and gone and emptied all the
[bleep] bowls around the country
694
00:35:53,010 --> 00:35:54,543
and stuck it in a bag.
695
00:35:54,545 --> 00:35:57,411
[ Speaks native language ]
696
00:35:57,531 --> 00:35:59,446
He got out a Guinea pig
at one point.
697
00:35:59,566 --> 00:36:02,424
I'm not quite sure
what was going on.
698
00:36:02,544 --> 00:36:04,130
Does it bite?
Yeah.
699
00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:05,483
He does?
Yeah.
700
00:36:05,603 --> 00:36:07,817
But when you've seen a doctor
701
00:36:08,116 --> 00:36:11,685
who's using string
and old earbuds and stuff,
702
00:36:11,805 --> 00:36:13,237
you kind of think,
"The Guinea pig's probably got
703
00:36:13,357 --> 00:36:15,216
more of an idea of what's wrong
with me than this fella has."
704
00:36:15,336 --> 00:36:17,499
I wanted a second opinion
from him...
705
00:36:17,501 --> 00:36:19,434
you know what I mean?...
from the Guinea pig.
706
00:36:19,436 --> 00:36:22,103
[ Guinea pig squealing ]
707
00:36:25,774 --> 00:36:28,325
I don't quite understand
what's happening here.
708
00:36:31,146 --> 00:36:33,009
...Your Guinea pig.
709
00:36:33,279 --> 00:36:35,528
He said all the badness
that was in me
710
00:36:36,382 --> 00:36:38,883
was transferred
to the Guinea pig.
711
00:36:39,702 --> 00:36:41,638
So, somewhere,
there's a Guinea pig
712
00:36:41,758 --> 00:36:43,318
walking around with major [bleep]
713
00:36:48,661 --> 00:36:50,662
[ Train whistle blows ]
714
00:36:52,665 --> 00:36:55,568
So, this way?
Keep going?
715
00:36:55,570 --> 00:36:57,470
All right?
You ready?
716
00:36:57,472 --> 00:36:59,840
Do we have to bring
all this stuff?
717
00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:01,665
[Bleep] It's like going out
with me mum.
718
00:37:01,785 --> 00:37:03,377
She stops at every shop.
719
00:37:15,624 --> 00:37:17,124
Richard: You enjoying
the walk, Karl?
720
00:37:17,126 --> 00:37:19,494
No.
721
00:37:19,496 --> 00:37:21,492
'Cause I'm not well, am I?
722
00:37:21,612 --> 00:37:24,365
Not well.
It's too hot.
723
00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:25,733
[ Panting ]
724
00:37:25,735 --> 00:37:27,911
That bit of toffee you gave me
has worn out.
725
00:37:28,031 --> 00:37:29,938
Have you got any more?
726
00:37:29,940 --> 00:37:31,664
I'm not in the mood for this.
727
00:37:31,963 --> 00:37:33,871
Just tell us which way it is.
728
00:37:33,991 --> 00:37:37,262
There's no way anyone
will be watching this going,
729
00:37:37,382 --> 00:37:38,828
"That looks pleasant."
730
00:37:39,682 --> 00:37:43,453
You'll see once you go in there.
731
00:37:43,455 --> 00:37:46,056
Definitely not.
732
00:37:46,058 --> 00:37:50,360
How can I enjoy it after this?
733
00:37:50,362 --> 00:37:53,363
Or is it meant to work that way?
734
00:37:53,365 --> 00:37:59,335
That, you know,
you're just happy to be there.
735
00:37:59,337 --> 00:38:03,539
God almighty.
736
00:38:03,541 --> 00:38:06,608
He said loads of people do this.
I haven't seen anyone.
737
00:38:06,610 --> 00:38:09,144
How much better is it?
738
00:38:09,146 --> 00:38:13,582
How much better is Machu Picchu
compared to that?
739
00:38:13,584 --> 00:38:15,017
Richard: Don't you think
it's amazing
740
00:38:15,019 --> 00:38:16,686
that they made
these kind of buildings,
741
00:38:16,688 --> 00:38:18,087
and it's just gonna get better?
742
00:38:18,089 --> 00:38:19,789
I think you're talking [bleep]
743
00:38:19,791 --> 00:38:21,958
because I'm not looking
for a house there.
744
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:23,960
This isn't a property program,
is it?
745
00:38:23,962 --> 00:38:26,863
I'm not gonna go,
"Just like this,
746
00:38:26,865 --> 00:38:30,801
just something
with a bit more outside space."
747
00:38:30,803 --> 00:38:32,336
What am I doing it for?
748
00:38:32,338 --> 00:38:36,307
If it's exactly like this,
let's stop here.
749
00:38:36,309 --> 00:38:38,108
[ Sighs ]
750
00:38:40,212 --> 00:38:41,846
Doesn't make sense, though,
751
00:38:41,848 --> 00:38:45,395
'cause these things they're
living in look like bungalows.
752
00:38:45,515 --> 00:38:47,502
But what's the point
if you got to keep doing this?
753
00:38:47,622 --> 00:38:49,381
You might as well
have a house with stairs.
754
00:38:54,393 --> 00:38:56,794
Bit more pleasant.
755
00:38:56,796 --> 00:38:58,362
[ Pipes playing ]
756
00:38:58,364 --> 00:39:00,597
[Bleep] sake.
757
00:39:05,636 --> 00:39:08,871
[ Man speaking native language ]
758
00:39:13,126 --> 00:39:15,432
I don't get it. Why don't
they just want to rest?
759
00:39:15,802 --> 00:39:18,849
They've been walking up there with
all these bags, out of breath,
760
00:39:18,851 --> 00:39:20,504
and now they're wasting breath,
just making a racket.
761
00:39:20,624 --> 00:39:21,985
I mean, that doesn't even
sound nice to me.
762
00:39:22,105 --> 00:39:23,010
That's not relaxing.
763
00:39:23,130 --> 00:39:24,561
They're all doing
their own thing here.
764
00:39:24,681 --> 00:39:26,782
[ Speaks native language ]
765
00:39:26,902 --> 00:39:29,387
I mean, I had a cassette
of pure moods,
766
00:39:29,507 --> 00:39:31,190
like panpipe stuff,
767
00:39:31,310 --> 00:39:34,023
used to sort of make
a bit of a romantic evening.
768
00:39:34,143 --> 00:39:35,503
Didn't sound like that.
769
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:37,122
And there certainly wasn't
a rat involved.
770
00:39:38,904 --> 00:39:40,971
[ Music stops ]
771
00:39:40,973 --> 00:39:42,282
[ Sighs ]
Thank God for that.
772
00:39:42,402 --> 00:39:43,586
[ Music resumes ]
773
00:39:43,706 --> 00:39:45,528
I'm gonna keep walking.
774
00:39:47,545 --> 00:39:49,784
All right.
Enjoy your dinner.
775
00:39:59,924 --> 00:40:04,062
[ Panting ]
776
00:40:04,064 --> 00:40:06,021
Welcome to Machu Picchu.
777
00:40:06,141 --> 00:40:08,834
Thank you very much.
Nice job. Yes.
778
00:40:08,836 --> 00:40:09,833
You're having a laugh, are you?
779
00:40:09,953 --> 00:40:12,404
See you.
Ta-ta.
780
00:40:23,849 --> 00:40:27,151
Have we done a full circle?
781
00:40:27,153 --> 00:40:29,387
Richard:
First impressions?
782
00:40:32,725 --> 00:40:34,047
There isn't one.
783
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:37,734
There isn't one.
784
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,630
I just feel...
785
00:40:39,750 --> 00:40:41,694
I felt like the view earlier
that I saw
786
00:40:41,814 --> 00:40:42,861
was better than this one.
787
00:40:43,769 --> 00:40:46,211
Are you sure you're looking
at the right thing?
788
00:40:46,331 --> 00:40:48,386
That bit of grass and rock
over there.
789
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,603
I'm not going any further.
790
00:40:52,514 --> 00:40:54,311
'Cause it's more
of what we've already seen,
791
00:40:54,431 --> 00:40:55,876
and I'm not killing meself.
792
00:40:56,659 --> 00:40:59,723
I've done everything that Ricky
and Steve have wanted me to do.
793
00:41:00,556 --> 00:41:02,285
We need to do it anyway, Karl.
We can't...
794
00:41:02,405 --> 00:41:05,224
Well, go, then!
You're standing here. The sun's going down.
795
00:41:05,226 --> 00:41:07,780
Get over there.
I'm not going.
796
00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:10,807
I'll tell you now.
I'm not going anymore.
797
00:41:19,729 --> 00:41:23,847
Well, I'm kind of at the wonder.
798
00:41:27,927 --> 00:41:29,558
I'm at the wonder,
799
00:41:29,678 --> 00:41:32,050
but I've only just got here,
800
00:41:32,170 --> 00:41:34,925
so I've been walking
about eight hours, right?
801
00:41:35,736 --> 00:41:39,703
Now, I'm at a point
where I can see the wonder,
802
00:41:39,823 --> 00:41:41,653
the cameraman can see the wonder,
803
00:41:41,773 --> 00:41:44,492
but Richard, who's in charge,
is worrying, going,
804
00:41:44,612 --> 00:41:45,987
"Sky wanna see the wonder."
805
00:41:46,107 --> 00:41:49,819
Have you got a problem
if we just see it from here,
806
00:41:49,939 --> 00:41:51,840
have a look, and go?
807
00:41:57,948 --> 00:41:59,309
Yes.
808
00:42:06,829 --> 00:42:08,484
But I've been walking
for eight hours,
809
00:42:08,604 --> 00:42:11,993
and the view from here
is magnificent.
810
00:42:15,392 --> 00:42:17,400
I think it looks magnificent.
811
00:42:26,881 --> 00:42:27,934
No.
812
00:42:34,526 --> 00:42:36,824
No. No.
813
00:42:37,279 --> 00:42:38,845
Don't bother telling
Ricky or anything.
814
00:42:38,965 --> 00:42:40,254
I'll speak to him
when I get back.
815
00:42:42,219 --> 00:42:43,760
All right, see ya.
816
00:42:44,828 --> 00:42:46,436
Yeah.
817
00:42:47,870 --> 00:42:49,294
There you go, then.
818
00:42:50,811 --> 00:42:52,135
See? Easy.
819
00:42:52,255 --> 00:42:54,442
We'll just a David Attenborough
job on it when I get home.
820
00:42:54,444 --> 00:42:56,677
Just do a load of voice-over.
Job done.
821
00:43:01,545 --> 00:43:03,585
70 miles from Cusco
822
00:43:03,587 --> 00:43:07,022
is one of the old,
ancient cities of the world,
823
00:43:08,232 --> 00:43:11,363
a maze of old rock
and sort of huts, you know,
824
00:43:11,733 --> 00:43:15,566
sort of rock huts,
boulders, walls...
825
00:43:15,568 --> 00:43:18,979
Lots of rock-related old stuff,
you know.
826
00:43:19,099 --> 00:43:21,115
Get lost in the maze.
827
00:43:23,474 --> 00:43:24,875
That's an easy thing to do.
828
00:43:24,877 --> 00:43:26,275
I mean, look at that
old fella down there.
829
00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:28,112
He needs a stepladder
to get out of the place.
830
00:43:30,653 --> 00:43:32,874
God knows what she's playing at.
831
00:43:33,753 --> 00:43:36,230
And that's good, isn't it?
Wonder of the world.
832
00:43:36,350 --> 00:43:37,956
Protect it with some strings.
Why not?
833
00:43:38,697 --> 00:43:41,142
I mean, I'm struggling here,
if I'm honest with you.
834
00:43:41,262 --> 00:43:43,662
I don't know
how to sell it to you.
835
00:43:43,664 --> 00:43:45,631
Do you like llamas?
836
00:43:48,207 --> 00:43:58,236
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