1
00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:02,534
That was a wonderful
dinner, Mrs. Biggs.
2
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:03,669
Really delicious.
3
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,903
I don't cook much anymore
4
00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,422
because of my Sciatica.
5
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,390
But if giving you kids
a nice, hot meal
6
00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:10,793
means I got to endure
a sharp stabbing pain
7
00:00:10,794 --> 00:00:11,911
up and down my spine,
8
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,380
then that's the price
of admission.
9
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:15,347
Macaroon?
10
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,283
Are those from
the old town bakery?
11
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:19,101
Oh... those are my favorite.
12
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,552
That's why I got them.
13
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:21,987
They're a little
on the pricey side,
14
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:24,273
but I guess I can dye
my own roots this month,
15
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,976
and Jim can choke down
bargain chow.
16
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:30,062
That was very considerate.
17
00:00:34,818 --> 00:00:36,435
Sorry.
18
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,706
Let me make you a cup of tea
to go with that cookie.
19
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,641
Oh, don't go to any trouble.
20
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,043
No trouble. I bought a whole box
21
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,111
of that English breakfast
you enjoy,
22
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:47,612
and I'm not a tea drinker.
23
00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:50,883
I figure if I want brown teeth,
I'll chew tobacco.
24
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,619
Well, I-I'd love a cup of tea.
25
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,087
My pleasure.
26
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,256
You got yourself
a real keeper there, boy.
27
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,357
I know, mom.
28
00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,458
Don't lose interest in her,
29
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,893
like you did the piano lessons,
30
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,762
karate, and that turtle
you got tired of feeding.
31
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:07,900
Okay, what the hell is going on?
32
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,135
What do you mean?
33
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,271
We spent the entire evening
with your mother,
34
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,706
and you're not thinking
about killing yourself,
35
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,908
and I'm not thinking about
killing her.
36
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,710
You know,
now that you mention it,
37
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,845
she does seem
unusually chipper tonight.
38
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,613
"Chipper"?! Being sweet,
39
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:23,082
thoughtful and complimentary...
40
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,484
something's
very, very wrong here.
41
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,253
I mean, she just told you
I was a keeper.
42
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,688
Well, you are a keeper.
43
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:32,658
I know that.
She doesn't know that.
44
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,227
Even if she did, she certainly
wouldn't say it in front of me.
45
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,762
I'm telling you,
something smells rotten here,
46
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,131
and it's not just
Jim's bargain chow butt bombs.
47
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,508
Never saw the attraction to tea.
48
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,675
I always considered it
49
00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:54,113
the beverage of
orientals and hippies.
50
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,314
Thank you, Mrs. Biggs.
51
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,682
Call me Peggy.
52
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,418
Why?
53
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,820
That's my name.
54
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,622
Okay...
55
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,991
Peggy.
Hey,
56
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:06,992
what would you think about
57
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:08,160
you and me getting
together tomorrow
58
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,628
and having a bite to eat?
59
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:10,829
Oh-ho-ho...
60
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,250
That sounds great,
but I only get a half hour,
61
00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:17,035
and I usually just eat
at my desk.
62
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,171
Well, that's plenty time for us
to eat and gab.
63
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,272
Can I bring Jim?
64
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:22,775
Actually, they don't allow dogs
65
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,676
in the school, so...
66
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:26,979
Just guns and drugs, huh?
67
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,583
Well, I guess
he can stay in the car.
68
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,385
I'll leave a chew toy,
and the radio on,
69
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,287
like I used to do with Mikey.
70
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,893
It's a date, then...
71
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,995
Peggy.
72
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,432
Let me get you some lemon
for your tea. Hmm?
73
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,900
Thank you.
74
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,670
I'm pretty sure
I'm getting whacked.
75
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:57,876
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
76
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:01,380
♪ I see love. ♪
77
00:03:02,852 --> 00:03:08,030
Sync by alex1969, corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com
78
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:19,032
you're not concerned
at all about your mom
79
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,734
and your girlfriend getting
together without you?
80
00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:21,869
Why would I be?
81
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,069
No reason.
82
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,405
Just making conversation...
83
00:03:24,406 --> 00:03:27,508
With the stupidest man
on the planet.
84
00:03:27,509 --> 00:03:29,476
Why am I stupid?
85
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,645
I don't know. That's for
medical science to figure out.
86
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,148
But I do know you don't want
your mother telling Molly
87
00:03:34,149 --> 00:03:36,083
about all the twisted
things you did as a kid.
88
00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:37,251
I was a pretty normal kid.
89
00:03:37,252 --> 00:03:39,437
I didn't do anything
twisted.
Uh-huh.
90
00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,789
So you never cut the mouth
out of a Playboy centerfold,
91
00:03:41,790 --> 00:03:43,257
and had your dog stick
its tongue through it,
92
00:03:43,258 --> 00:03:45,309
so it looked like the girl
was talking to you?
93
00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:50,364
No. Who would do
something like that?
94
00:03:50,365 --> 00:03:52,733
Doesn't matter.
95
00:03:54,136 --> 00:03:56,137
But trust me,
women get pretty freaked-out
96
00:03:56,138 --> 00:03:58,439
when they hear your grandma
tell that story.
97
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,276
That's not sitting too well
with me, either.
98
00:04:02,277 --> 00:04:04,312
So you never did anything
embarrassing as a kid,
99
00:04:04,313 --> 00:04:05,780
you don't want Molly
to know about?
100
00:04:05,781 --> 00:04:08,215
Well...
101
00:04:08,216 --> 00:04:10,151
I prefer she didn't know
I visited the school nurse
102
00:04:10,152 --> 00:04:13,087
once a week, claiming
to have a missing testicle.
103
00:04:13,088 --> 00:04:15,056
No, you didn't.
104
00:04:15,057 --> 00:04:17,291
Uh, I was 12, and that nurse
was smoking hot.
105
00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:19,260
Had kind of a Phoebe Cates
thing going on.
106
00:04:19,261 --> 00:04:21,646
Oh, I love me
some Phoebe Cates.
107
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,731
So, did the missing testicle
story actually work?
108
00:04:23,732 --> 00:04:25,499
First couple of times
she bought into it.
109
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,486
My big mistake
was showing up with flowers.
110
00:04:28,487 --> 00:04:30,371
You're a romantic.
111
00:04:30,372 --> 00:04:32,239
And that ain't nothing
to be embarrassed about.
112
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,158
You don't think so?
Not at all.
113
00:04:34,159 --> 00:04:36,494
But Molly may not find it
as charming as you and I do.
114
00:04:36,495 --> 00:04:38,245
Might be a good idea to
have a nice dinner ready
115
00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:39,847
for her tonight, just in case
116
00:04:39,848 --> 00:04:41,749
"You got
some 'splaining to do."
117
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:43,884
Good idea.
118
00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:46,704
So that nurse would
just root around
119
00:04:46,705 --> 00:04:48,589
trying to locate
the missing marble.
120
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:51,225
Yep. And if I held a cold
Mountain dew down my pants,
121
00:04:51,226 --> 00:04:52,760
take her almost three minutes.
122
00:04:52,761 --> 00:04:54,161
Ah... that is genius.
123
00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:55,329
I thought so.
124
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:57,164
No, seriously, hats off.
125
00:05:01,303 --> 00:05:03,671
I noticed you didn't finish
your meat loaf last night,
126
00:05:03,672 --> 00:05:05,272
so I trimmed off
the bite marks,
127
00:05:05,273 --> 00:05:06,741
and slapped it
between two pieces
128
00:05:06,742 --> 00:05:08,476
of wonder bread. Enjoy.
129
00:05:08,477 --> 00:05:10,578
Oh-ho...
130
00:05:10,579 --> 00:05:14,749
You added the mashed potatoes
and corn, too.
131
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:17,485
I love corn in a sandwich.
132
00:05:17,486 --> 00:05:20,354
So that's where Mike gets that.
133
00:05:20,355 --> 00:05:21,956
Well, you're probably wondering
134
00:05:21,957 --> 00:05:24,892
why I requested
this little powwow.
135
00:05:24,893 --> 00:05:27,795
Really hadn't given it
much thought.
136
00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,530
Other than, "what a great idea,"
137
00:05:29,531 --> 00:05:31,832
and, "why didn't we do it
sooner."
138
00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:33,701
Save the syrup.
139
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:36,971
I just need a little
womanly advice.
140
00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,272
Womanly advice? For you?
141
00:05:38,273 --> 00:05:40,341
Don't worry.
It's not about my plumbing.
142
00:05:42,978 --> 00:05:45,646
There's a man at my church
who expressed interest
143
00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:48,282
in spending time with me,
socially.
144
00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:49,884
You mean
he asked you out on a date?
145
00:05:49,885 --> 00:05:51,252
Don't act so surprised.
146
00:05:51,253 --> 00:05:52,420
No! I'm-I'm not.
147
00:05:52,421 --> 00:05:55,823
Like I'm some kind
of bug-eyed troll.
No.
148
00:05:55,824 --> 00:05:59,026
I'm surprised you don't get
asked out all the time,
149
00:05:59,027 --> 00:06:02,797
is where my surprise comes in.
150
00:06:02,798 --> 00:06:05,232
Uh-huh. Anyway...
151
00:06:05,233 --> 00:06:08,035
He wants to take me to
red lobster tomorrow night.
152
00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:11,205
It's all-you-can-eat shrimp
Tuesday.
153
00:06:11,206 --> 00:06:13,841
That sounds nice.
Do you... like this man?
154
00:06:13,842 --> 00:06:15,509
Eh, he's all right, I guess.
155
00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:16,977
He's a widower,
156
00:06:16,978 --> 00:06:19,513
which means he hangs in there
until they tag and bag you.
157
00:06:19,514 --> 00:06:21,715
You got to admire that.
158
00:06:24,519 --> 00:06:26,220
I think this is great.
159
00:06:26,221 --> 00:06:28,823
It's flattering when someone
is attracted to you.
160
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:30,991
Don't drag it through
the gutter.
161
00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:34,862
In fact, I told him we're
taking separate cars,
162
00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:37,431
in case he imagines throwing
a few shrimp at me
163
00:06:37,432 --> 00:06:40,935
entitles him to a free mount.
164
00:06:40,936 --> 00:06:43,537
A girl can't be too careful.
Yep.
165
00:06:43,538 --> 00:06:46,657
That's why I sleep with a gun
under my pillow.
166
00:06:46,658 --> 00:06:50,127
Throw that in the conversation
and you should be just fine.
167
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:51,378
Anyway,
168
00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:53,948
do you think Mike
could be okay with this?
169
00:06:53,949 --> 00:06:55,132
I think he'd be thrilled.
170
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,450
Why?
171
00:06:56,451 --> 00:06:57,318
Well, he's never seen me
172
00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:59,353
with another man
besides his father,
173
00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:02,590
and I don't want to confuse
the boy.
174
00:07:03,492 --> 00:07:05,793
He's pretty grown up, and...
175
00:07:05,794 --> 00:07:08,162
I know he just wants you
to be happy.
176
00:07:08,163 --> 00:07:11,532
Let's just keep it on the sly
until we see how it goes.
177
00:07:11,533 --> 00:07:13,651
I mean, I don't want him
getting attached to this man,
178
00:07:13,652 --> 00:07:15,803
going to ball games
and whatnot,
179
00:07:15,804 --> 00:07:16,670
and then I'm the bad guy
180
00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:20,141
if I have to kick
him to the curb.
181
00:07:20,142 --> 00:07:21,809
I won't say anything to Mike,
182
00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:23,777
and you tell him
when you're comfortable.
183
00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:26,013
He's going to wonder why I asked
to have lunch with you.
184
00:07:26,014 --> 00:07:28,716
Mm, I'll just tell him
that you...
185
00:07:28,717 --> 00:07:30,017
Wanted to get to know me,
186
00:07:30,018 --> 00:07:31,552
because you thought
it was important
187
00:07:31,553 --> 00:07:33,988
that his two best gals
become friends.
188
00:07:33,989 --> 00:07:37,591
Nah, he'd never believe that.
189
00:07:37,592 --> 00:07:40,027
Tell him I came to you
to learn to read.
190
00:07:40,028 --> 00:07:42,396
It's my secret shame.
191
00:07:43,298 --> 00:07:46,450
Well, hopefully he won't ask.
192
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:54,808
Hey.
193
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,861
Hey, sweetie!
194
00:07:56,862 --> 00:07:58,646
Let me help you.
195
00:07:58,647 --> 00:08:00,314
Aw, thanks.
What smells so good?
196
00:08:00,315 --> 00:08:03,317
That would be my world-famous
five-alarm chili.
197
00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:04,518
You cooked?
198
00:08:04,519 --> 00:08:05,886
Well, you cook for
me all the time.
199
00:08:05,887 --> 00:08:08,322
It seems only right that
I should cook for you.
200
00:08:08,323 --> 00:08:10,407
And I haven't always done
the right thing in my life,
201
00:08:10,408 --> 00:08:12,426
but people change.
202
00:08:13,295 --> 00:08:15,129
Yes, they do.
203
00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:18,299
I'm not the same guy I was
when I met you,
204
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,234
and I'm certainly not
the same guy I was
205
00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:22,303
between the ages of 12 and 14.
206
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:24,271
Uh-huh.
207
00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:29,009
So, chili, you say.
208
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:31,178
Yep. My special recipe.
209
00:08:31,179 --> 00:08:33,347
And the secret ingredient
is corn.
210
00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:41,188
Can I get you a
nice light beer,
211
00:08:41,189 --> 00:08:43,424
or perhaps a chilled
glass of chardonnay?
212
00:08:43,425 --> 00:08:45,259
Oh... I'd love
a glass of wine.
213
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,694
Coming up.
214
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:49,096
So... how was your day?
215
00:08:49,097 --> 00:08:51,097
Pretty good.
216
00:08:58,106 --> 00:08:59,623
I forgot all about it.
217
00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:02,626
So, what did she chew
your ear off about?
218
00:09:02,627 --> 00:09:03,844
Uh, nothing much.
219
00:09:03,845 --> 00:09:06,013
She just needed a sounding board
about something.
220
00:09:06,014 --> 00:09:07,781
It's really no big deal.
221
00:09:07,782 --> 00:09:10,384
Oh good. So, no health issues
or anything, right?
222
00:09:10,385 --> 00:09:12,436
She didn't find a lump
on something, did she?
223
00:09:12,437 --> 00:09:14,254
No... no.
224
00:09:14,255 --> 00:09:16,724
Nothing other than you
on her couch.
225
00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:19,143
That's funny.
226
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:22,029
So, I didn't come up
in the conversation at all.
227
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:24,898
Her only son.
That seems weird to me.
228
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,102
Okay, she might have
mentioned you once or twice.
229
00:09:28,103 --> 00:09:29,737
Look, I don't know
what my mom told you,
230
00:09:29,738 --> 00:09:31,372
but I am not the reason
the school nurse transferred
231
00:09:31,373 --> 00:09:34,375
to another district...
the janitor knocked her up.
232
00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:36,477
What are you rambling on about?
233
00:09:36,478 --> 00:09:39,446
I don't know.
Maybe I should stop talking.
234
00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:41,248
Your mom just wanted
my advice on something.
235
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:42,650
It's not a big deal.
236
00:09:42,651 --> 00:09:44,718
Well, if it's not a big deal,
why can't you tell me?
237
00:09:44,719 --> 00:09:46,086
Because she asked me not to.
238
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:47,254
So it had nothing to do
239
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:49,306
with a young boy's
innocent infatuation
240
00:09:49,307 --> 00:09:51,558
with hernia exams?
241
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,227
No.
242
00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:57,014
What?!
243
00:09:57,015 --> 00:09:59,066
Look, look,
244
00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:00,934
I will tell you, but
you have to promise
245
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:03,437
that you're not going to say
anything to your mom.
I promise.
246
00:10:03,438 --> 00:10:05,656
Seriously, 'cause she has put
her trust in me,
247
00:10:05,657 --> 00:10:07,574
and I don't want to do anything
to compromise it.
248
00:10:07,575 --> 00:10:08,575
I'll keep my mouth shut.
249
00:10:08,576 --> 00:10:09,610
Just tell me.
250
00:10:09,611 --> 00:10:12,212
She's going out on a date.
251
00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:13,947
Ah, come on!
252
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:15,532
If you needed to lie to me,
253
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:17,534
at least pick something
that's plausible:
254
00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:18,752
I'm adopted; She's really a man.
255
00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:19,987
Something I could buy.
256
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:23,156
There is a gentleman at
church that asked her out,
257
00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:24,925
and she said yes.
258
00:10:24,926 --> 00:10:26,894
And she wanted my advice,
259
00:10:26,895 --> 00:10:29,029
and to help her get ready
tomorrow night.
260
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:30,664
Wait.
Hm?
261
00:10:30,665 --> 00:10:32,850
My mom's going out on a date?
262
00:10:32,851 --> 00:10:34,234
She is.
263
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:36,203
But you can't let on
that you know.
264
00:10:36,204 --> 00:10:37,671
Okay.
265
00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:39,506
And I appreciate you
telling me.
266
00:10:39,507 --> 00:10:40,974
Sure.
267
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:42,726
What is the deal
with the school nurse?
268
00:10:42,727 --> 00:10:44,712
Oh... oh, nothing.
269
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,146
I tricked her
into touching my genitals.
270
00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:47,781
Is this too spicy?
271
00:10:57,053 --> 00:10:59,020
I got yelled at at work today.
272
00:10:59,021 --> 00:11:00,205
Who yelled at ya?
273
00:11:00,206 --> 00:11:02,891
You put makeup on corpses.
274
00:11:05,228 --> 00:11:09,398
I was working on
a 80-year-old cadaver.
275
00:11:09,399 --> 00:11:11,933
And her grandson
got his panties in a bunch
276
00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:14,603
because I put body glitter
in her cleavage.
277
00:11:15,938 --> 00:11:18,507
I'm, like, "dude, chill.
Just because your grandma's dead
278
00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:21,076
doesn't mean
she can't look hot."
279
00:11:22,862 --> 00:11:24,579
Great philosophy.
280
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:28,116
It's why she put it
on her business card.
281
00:11:28,117 --> 00:11:30,552
Listen, when I die,
mm-hmm?
282
00:11:30,553 --> 00:11:32,287
You just pull out the stops.
283
00:11:32,288 --> 00:11:35,123
I want to look peaceful,
but do-able.
284
00:11:39,462 --> 00:11:42,597
Please tell me you're not taking
Jim on your date with you.
285
00:11:45,168 --> 00:11:47,969
He's a hell of an icebreaker.
286
00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:49,554
He can stay here with us.
287
00:11:49,555 --> 00:11:50,555
Come on in.
288
00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:52,707
I brought a couple outfits.
289
00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:55,277
I wanted something
that looks feminine,
290
00:11:55,278 --> 00:11:57,679
but doesn't make him think
I'm lifting my skirt
291
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,314
and ringin' the dinner bell.
292
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:03,285
Um, well, it's
probably a good idea
293
00:12:03,286 --> 00:12:05,253
to stick with the stretch pants.
294
00:12:05,254 --> 00:12:08,123
Sweet lord,
this is nerve-racking.
295
00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:10,625
Why do women put themselves
through this?
296
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:12,077
I don't have
an answer for that,
297
00:12:12,078 --> 00:12:14,529
but let's not make
too big a deal out of this.
298
00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:15,530
Remember, it's just dinner.
299
00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:16,965
Well, bear in mind
300
00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:19,734
I haven't been on a date with
a man in almost 40 years.
301
00:12:19,735 --> 00:12:22,237
So, there's been nobody
since Mike's dad?
302
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:25,173
Nobody before or after.
303
00:12:25,174 --> 00:12:28,393
This keg was only tapped
for one party.
304
00:12:34,116 --> 00:12:37,252
Unlike you gals today,
we didn't just give it away
305
00:12:37,253 --> 00:12:39,588
to any smooth talker
with a fast car
306
00:12:39,589 --> 00:12:42,190
and a cigarillo dangling
between his lips.
307
00:12:42,191 --> 00:12:44,860
Look, why don't we just focus on
the task at hand
308
00:12:44,861 --> 00:12:47,395
and help you pick out
a nice outfit?
309
00:12:47,396 --> 00:12:48,663
Now, what are our options?
310
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:51,800
Uh, this and what I got on.
311
00:12:56,038 --> 00:12:58,456
We can work with this.
312
00:12:58,457 --> 00:13:01,009
Might wanna spruce it up
a little with some accessories.
313
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,210
But why don't you
314
00:13:02,211 --> 00:13:04,346
come upstairs,
I'll show you what I have.
315
00:13:04,347 --> 00:13:07,299
All right, but no dangly
earrings or feather boas.
316
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:11,219
I go too feminine, I start
to look like a transsexual.
317
00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,306
Jim!
318
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,162
So did your mom tell
Molly the story about
319
00:13:21,163 --> 00:13:22,631
your old "hidden ball" trick?
320
00:13:22,632 --> 00:13:24,566
No, they didn't talk
about me at all.
321
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,501
Turns out my mom
just wanted some advice
322
00:13:26,502 --> 00:13:28,036
about going out on a date.
323
00:13:28,037 --> 00:13:30,505
Wait a second... Peggy Biggs
is going on a date?
324
00:13:30,506 --> 00:13:33,074
Let me wrap my head
around that.
325
00:13:33,075 --> 00:13:34,809
Nope, can't do it.
326
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:36,411
Hey, I think it's great.
327
00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:39,114
It'd be nice for her to have
someone to spend some time with.
328
00:13:39,115 --> 00:13:40,114
You know, a companion.
329
00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:42,083
Take some pressure
off of you, huh?
330
00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:43,618
Yeah, and the dog.
331
00:13:43,619 --> 00:13:46,121
Poor bastard really bears
the brunt of most of it.
332
00:13:46,122 --> 00:13:48,223
Well, I hope she knows
what she's getting into,
333
00:13:48,224 --> 00:13:51,092
because the sexual landscape
has changed for the
over-60 crowd.
334
00:13:51,093 --> 00:13:52,360
What are you talking about?
335
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:56,164
Viagra. It put peaks where
there used to be valleys.
336
00:13:56,165 --> 00:13:58,149
He's right.
Those old dudes ain't going
337
00:13:58,150 --> 00:13:59,935
gently into that
good night no more.
338
00:13:59,936 --> 00:14:02,136
They pop a couple
of those little blue pills,
339
00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:03,972
and they're not taking
"what?!" For an answer.
340
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:07,025
This is just some
lonely widower from her church
341
00:14:07,026 --> 00:14:09,194
that wants to take her out
for dinner.
342
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:10,996
The lonely widowers are
the worst.
343
00:14:10,997 --> 00:14:14,082
They're making up for lost time,
so church groups and vfw halls
344
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,368
are like trout farms
for those wrinkly romeos.
345
00:14:17,787 --> 00:14:20,689
It's true. The natural cycle of
a man's life has been upset
346
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:22,958
by erection enhancers.
347
00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:25,226
There are no more wise elders
sitting in the town square
348
00:14:25,227 --> 00:14:28,096
carving wooden flutes and
offering sage advice.
349
00:14:28,097 --> 00:14:29,831
Now they're all getting
hair plugs
350
00:14:29,832 --> 00:14:31,666
and trying to bone your sister.
351
00:14:33,502 --> 00:14:35,637
You should see some of these
Lazarus-looking horn dogs
352
00:14:35,638 --> 00:14:37,272
my grandma brings down
for breakfast...
353
00:14:37,273 --> 00:14:39,874
eating cream of wheat and
smiling at me.
354
00:14:39,875 --> 00:14:43,244
"Mornin', son. What's your name?
How old are you?"
355
00:14:43,245 --> 00:14:45,080
Old enough to know
what you been doing
356
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:46,615
to my precious Nana last night!
357
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,919
You know, I'm starting
to feel a little uneasy
358
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,920
about this whole thing.
359
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:54,055
The trick is to not
think about it.
360
00:14:54,056 --> 00:14:55,390
Once you start
imagining your mom
361
00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:56,477
doing the nasty with
the crypt-keeper,
362
00:14:56,524 --> 00:14:59,160
then you're in for
some sleepless nights.
363
00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:06,101
Perfectly natural
for you to be nervous.
364
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:08,670
After Molly's dad died,
I waited almost three years
365
00:15:08,671 --> 00:15:10,605
before I went out
with another man.
366
00:15:10,606 --> 00:15:12,390
Didn't you ever get lonely?
367
00:15:12,391 --> 00:15:13,475
Lonely, no.
368
00:15:13,476 --> 00:15:15,877
Horny, yes.
369
00:15:15,878 --> 00:15:17,746
There's a reason you girls ate
370
00:15:17,747 --> 00:15:20,281
nothing but banana bread
for three years.
371
00:15:22,685 --> 00:15:25,787
I liked working with bananas.
372
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,325
For the record,
I'm not one of those people
373
00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:32,360
you have to open up to.
374
00:15:33,996 --> 00:15:35,964
Less is more, in my book.
375
00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:39,617
I'm sure your gentleman friend
will be glad to hear that.
376
00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:44,255
What about... this?
377
00:15:44,256 --> 00:15:46,641
Well, I wasn't planning on doing
378
00:15:46,642 --> 00:15:48,209
the dance of the seven veils
tonight.
379
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:52,247
No, no, I just
thought you might
want a little color.
380
00:15:52,248 --> 00:15:53,448
Sure, while we're at it,
381
00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:55,550
why don't we put some
lipstick on my nipples?
382
00:15:58,387 --> 00:16:01,473
Seems a little extreme, but
since we're on the topic,
383
00:16:01,474 --> 00:16:03,191
a little makeup wouldn't hurt.
384
00:16:03,192 --> 00:16:04,693
Makeup?! I don't wear makeup.
385
00:16:04,694 --> 00:16:06,261
Ever?
386
00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:08,797
Well, I might put some
beet juice on my lips
387
00:16:08,798 --> 00:16:10,365
for Christmas mass,
388
00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:13,068
but my motto's always been
"a little powder, a little paint
389
00:16:13,069 --> 00:16:14,536
makes you something
that you ain't."
390
00:16:14,537 --> 00:16:17,105
Really?
391
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,874
Well, my motto's always been,
"dinner's on you
392
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:22,744
and the rest
of the night's on me."
393
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:32,020
Could you please hold still?
394
00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:33,299
I'm not used to doing this
395
00:16:33,323 --> 00:16:36,191
with somebody breathing all over
my fingers.
396
00:16:36,192 --> 00:16:39,260
Or breathing period.
397
00:16:39,261 --> 00:16:40,729
Just do your best, baby.
398
00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:45,100
Remember, it's only for one
night, not for all eternity.
399
00:16:47,636 --> 00:16:49,571
And just make me look
presentable,
400
00:16:49,572 --> 00:16:53,141
not like I got Tyrone the pimp
waiting for me in the car.
401
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,010
See, when you talk,
402
00:16:56,011 --> 00:16:57,912
it totally freaks me out.
403
00:16:57,913 --> 00:17:03,284
I was just thinking
the same thing.
404
00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:05,086
I found a really cute pair
of earrings
405
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:06,855
that I think might go
with that outfit.
406
00:17:06,856 --> 00:17:08,690
Hang on...
Let me just put
407
00:17:08,691 --> 00:17:11,326
a little more concealer
on your mustache.
408
00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:15,964
And...
Oh!
409
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:19,017
Voila.
410
00:17:19,018 --> 00:17:20,935
Peggy, you look great! Nice job!
411
00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:22,504
Thanks.
It was fun
412
00:17:22,505 --> 00:17:26,441
getting to do
the back of her neck.
413
00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:29,577
I usually don't get to do
the back of a neck.
414
00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:31,746
Try these on.
415
00:17:31,747 --> 00:17:33,448
My dad gave them to me
416
00:17:33,449 --> 00:17:34,716
for my first communion.
417
00:17:34,717 --> 00:17:36,985
I wouldn't feel right
wearing these.
418
00:17:36,986 --> 00:17:39,120
I want you to.
419
00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:41,089
Plus they're
the only pair left in the house
420
00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:42,924
that you haven't written off
as "hooker hoops."
421
00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:45,493
Okay?
422
00:17:45,494 --> 00:17:48,329
They, and you,
423
00:17:48,330 --> 00:17:49,931
look beautiful.
424
00:17:49,932 --> 00:17:51,833
You clean up pretty good, huh?
425
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:54,903
This isn't me.
426
00:17:54,904 --> 00:17:58,540
No, it's a reflection of you.
427
00:18:04,763 --> 00:18:06,264
I can't do this.
428
00:18:06,265 --> 00:18:07,348
Peggy...
429
00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:09,651
Peggy!
430
00:18:09,652 --> 00:18:12,987
I appreciate your help, but this
whole Saturday night fever,
431
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:16,441
shake-your-bootie lifestyle
ain't for me.
432
00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:17,792
Come on, Peggy, calm down.
433
00:18:17,793 --> 00:18:20,228
No, no, I've gone down
this road before
434
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,730
and I'll tell you
Heartache.
435
00:18:22,731 --> 00:18:24,616
Hey, everyone has had
their heart broken.
436
00:18:24,617 --> 00:18:26,034
I certainly have.
437
00:18:26,035 --> 00:18:28,770
But if I'd just given up,
I never would have met Mike.
438
00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:31,139
Right there, there's
another reason not to go.
439
00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:33,141
I don't want my
little boy thinking
440
00:18:33,142 --> 00:18:34,809
that his mother is some kind
441
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:35,910
of tavern-hopping
hotsie-totsie.
442
00:18:35,911 --> 00:18:38,713
Oh, he would never think that.
443
00:18:38,714 --> 00:18:41,749
In fact, if he could see how
beautiful you looked right now,
444
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:45,553
I know he would want you
to go out and enjoy yourself.
445
00:18:45,554 --> 00:18:48,423
You told him, didn't you?
446
00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:54,062
I most certainly did not, Peggy.
447
00:18:55,464 --> 00:18:57,198
You told me that in confidence.
448
00:18:57,199 --> 00:18:59,734
Now, I understand
that you are nervous, Peggy,
449
00:18:59,735 --> 00:19:01,870
but it took the work
of three women
450
00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:05,173
to get you looking
presentable... ly beautiful.
451
00:19:06,408 --> 00:19:09,077
And I'm not gonna let you waste
this, sitting on the couch
452
00:19:09,078 --> 00:19:10,511
eating day-old meat loaf.
453
00:19:10,512 --> 00:19:14,849
Now give me the dog
and go have a good time.
454
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,727
Thanks for... you know.
455
00:19:25,728 --> 00:19:27,061
You're welcome, Peggy.
456
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,864
Call me Mrs. Biggs.
457
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:35,403
The poor bastard at
the red lobster has no idea
458
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:37,472
what he's gotten himself into.
459
00:19:37,473 --> 00:19:42,210
Ugh! Boy, we have got to get you
off the bargain chow!
460
00:19:46,231 --> 00:19:48,750
Where the hell is she?
461
00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:50,585
The red lobster closed
an hour ago.
462
00:19:50,586 --> 00:19:52,854
How do you know that?
463
00:19:52,855 --> 00:19:55,690
Look at him.
You don't think
he's closed a few
464
00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:57,392
all-you-can-eat places
in his day?
465
00:19:57,393 --> 00:20:00,795
I'm just saying...
allowing for drive time,
466
00:20:00,796 --> 00:20:02,864
going by Molly's to pick up Jim,
467
00:20:02,865 --> 00:20:04,465
she should've been home by now.
468
00:20:04,466 --> 00:20:07,068
Well, they might still
be in the parking lot.
469
00:20:07,069 --> 00:20:08,736
Your mom's got
that big-ass impala,
470
00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:10,838
the backseat's like a daybed.
471
00:20:12,074 --> 00:20:13,508
Cut it out! That's not funny!
472
00:20:13,509 --> 00:20:16,210
Headlights, car, car, car!
473
00:20:18,681 --> 00:20:20,982
Is that her?
Yep.
474
00:20:20,983 --> 00:20:23,184
Garage door up.
475
00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:25,687
Car inside.
476
00:20:25,688 --> 00:20:26,854
Garage door down.
477
00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:28,089
Safe and sound.
478
00:20:28,090 --> 00:20:29,274
Ah! Great.
479
00:20:29,275 --> 00:20:30,825
Your mom's still a virgin.
Can we go now?
480
00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:32,860
Absolutely.
481
00:20:32,861 --> 00:20:36,197
Hang on, there's another car
pulling in the drive.
482
00:20:36,198 --> 00:20:37,599
What the hell?
483
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:42,180
I told you,
it's an old man's game.
484
00:20:43,439 --> 00:20:46,321
Sync by alex1969, corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com