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Previously on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
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- And then she just kissed me.
- This is huge.
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- What about Lily?
- You heartless...
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I have to take
my shot with Jenny.
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You're dead to me, RJ Berger!
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We're getting a divorce, RJ.
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After years of dreaming
about Jenny Swanson,
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I finally got a chance
to make my move.
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Unfortunately,
the only move I'm making
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is into my mom's new apartment...
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Without my dad.
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Wow.
Looking good in here, huh?
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What's that? Another episode
of "I dream of Jenny"?
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Yeah, something like that.
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Honey, come sit down
and talk to me.
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Come here. Sit down.
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Listen, honey, one day
you're gonna realize
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this is all for the best.
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I don't even know
what this is, mom, all right?
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One minute you and dad
are practically doing it
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in front of me
on the dinner table.
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[Voice breaking] Now we're here,
and you're making dad
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stay in some sleaze-bag motel
on the interstate.
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RJ, you're a man now,
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so I'm gonna level with you.
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Oh, uh, oops-a-daisy,
wrong bedroom.
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Anyhoo, funny story...
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Apparently daddy was laid off...
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Two years ago.
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Yeah.
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And since he didn't tell me
or you or anyone,
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we went through
our entire life savings.
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So that happened,
and now we're broke.
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[Scoffs]
Wow.
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Yeah, wow...
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We lost the house.
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And, wow, I dumped your daddy.
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But we're moving on, right?
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Think of it like a vacation
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from everything we used to love.
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But, hey, cousin Vinny's here
to help us move.
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Oh, aunt Suzanne,
where do you want these?
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My friggin' biceps
are killing me.
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My name is RJ Berger,
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and this divorce
is freaking killing me.
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[Hard rock music]
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Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Got, like,
a hot date or something?
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Not yet.
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But it's all about looking mint,
know what I mean?
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Not even remotely.
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What about you?
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You been, uh, vibing
any hotties lately?
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Yeah, actually, I've been
vibing a particular hottie.
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That's my cugin.
How long yous been dating?
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Oh, no, no, we're not dating.
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I'm just kind of obsessed
with her.
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Whoa.
What'd you grow up to be,
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some kind of Chester
or something?
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N-no, no, no, no, no.
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Like, no, no, we know each other.
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We're... we're friends.
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Been in love with her since,
like, the third grade.
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And she don't think
you're a freak?
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No, it's just, like,
she's really popular,
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and I'm really not.
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RJ, look at me.
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You want to hunt big game?
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You only need one weapon...
confidence.
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You don't got to be a gorilla,
but you got to be aggressive.
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- You want to date this girl?
- More than anything.
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Then ask her out.
She says no, fine, whatever.
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But if she says yes,
you got to go for it.
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I'm talking someplace classy,
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someplace like Lasagna Farm.
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That is a hell of a restaurant.
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Bro, they got, like,
endless breadsticks.
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- It's incredible.
- Bathroom party with my boys.
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Hey.
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Ha ha! See, tight quarters,
kind of fun.
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- Kind of fun.
- Right?
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Look at this.
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It's like a cheese grater
made out of meat.
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Aunt Suzanne,
you're friggin' pazzo.
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I love it.
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And you, my friend,
are a tan xylophone.
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Look, RJ, get in on it.
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[Electronic dance music]
Okay.
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Aunt Suzanne, pump it up.
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Pump it out?
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Pump. Pump.
Pump that fist.
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Come on, RJ.
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Pump it, pump it, pump it, RJ.
Pump that fist, RJ.
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Pump.
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All right, guys,
you keep pumping.
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I'm gonna go see dad
before school.
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[Record scratches, music stops]
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Fine. You want some lies
with your morning coffee.
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- Mom, come on.
- All right, honey.
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Just remember to ask him
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if he has $80,000
and a time machine.
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Oh, RJ. RJ. Son.
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Dad, you're suffocating me.
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That's what everyone I love says.
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Wow. I mean, this is, uh...
And this.
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Oh, this.
This, yes.
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It's my bathrobe.
I'm wearing it backwards.
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It's like the comfort
of a snuggie without the cost.
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Huh?
Come on... come on in.
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Lock the door, buddy.
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[Woman moans on TV]
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Come on.
Cop a squat.
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- How's... how's mom?
- She's good.
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- We got the apartment.
- Ah, the apartment.
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So, uh, how's school, huh?
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Still, uh, slaying
the ladies, big guy?
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Yeah, actually, that's what
I came to talk to you about.
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I, uh, want to ask Jenny out.
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[Timer bell dings]
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Ah.
Breakfast is served.
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Here you go.
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Jenny can sure wear a sweater.
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Girls like that...
nothing but trouble.
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But she's my dream girl.
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RJ, your mom
was my Jenny Swanson.
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I put that princess
on a pedestal.
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Landed me here in whore hotel.
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Dad, no offense, but I think
the lying landed you here.
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I lied because dream girls
expect things...
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Money, right?
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Houses, honesty.
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Now, you can't mess up
with a dream girl.
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Trust me.
They will eat you alive...
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And leave you a husk of a man.
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So what do I do?
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You know who's the happiest
couples I've ever seen?
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Grandpa Aaron and grandma Alice?
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No, no, no, no, no.
Homeless people.
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You know why?
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'Cause they have
nothing else in the world.
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And it works.
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Aim low, son.
Aim really low.
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[Coughs]
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Oh, sorry.
Sorry about that, son.
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Yeah, it's mostly dust mites
and hooker hair.
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Fresh start.
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Yeah, my cousin Vinny says
that I should be more direct,
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that I should just ask Jenny out.
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00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:05,616
Your cousin Vinny
sounds like a tool.
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♪ Six days
and I ain't seen a bed ♪
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♪ I'm in overdrive ♪
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Whoa. Who's that?
153
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That's cousin Vinny.
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That punani whisperer
is your cousin?
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Oh!
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Dude, do you literally
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have a poon magnet
under the hood of this car?
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Oh, keep your panties on, Miles.
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Vinny is spoken for.
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Looks like
we've both moved on, RJ.
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Uh, we got to roll out,
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but maybe we can hook up
later, Lucy.
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It's Lily.
And trust me.
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If we do hook up later,
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I will make you remember it.
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Whoa.
Okay, sweetheart.
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[Car alarm chirps]
168
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Shotgun.
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So, RJ, you ever end up
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making your move
with that girl today or what?
171
00:08:00,539 --> 00:08:02,973
We talked about that
this morning.
172
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,009
Ladies like a man of action.
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Which one is she?
174
00:08:10,248 --> 00:08:13,751
Oh, RJ, are you serious?
175
00:08:13,819 --> 00:08:15,386
If I was still in high school,
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I'd be pounding
that chick out tonight.
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Well, uh, I'm not as cool
as you are, so...
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I told you.
It's about confidence, not this.
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So what are you waiting for?
180
00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:27,832
You mean now?
181
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,233
Hey...
[Horn honks]
182
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,635
Blondie, psst.
183
00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:34,538
Uh, RJ?
184
00:08:34,606 --> 00:08:35,873
Hi.
185
00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:37,741
- Hey.
- Nice car.
186
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,977
Thank you.
187
00:08:40,045 --> 00:08:43,614
Uh, look, Jenny,
I really like you.
188
00:08:43,682 --> 00:08:46,617
And I'd love to take you out,
189
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just you and me.
190
00:08:48,753 --> 00:08:50,120
RJ...
191
00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,590
No, no, no, no, it's...
it's no big deal.
192
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,059
It's, uh...
193
00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:56,427
Yeah, right.
What a dork.
194
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,129
Wait.
I'd love to.
195
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Really?
196
00:09:02,234 --> 00:09:04,668
Lasagna Farm, you and me, dinner?
197
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:08,572
Oh, my God. I love
their endless breadsticks.
198
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,474
[Engine turning]
Tomorrow night.
199
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:12,476
Okay.
200
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,588
Hey! My soda.
201
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,351
Dude, get it.
202
00:09:28,419 --> 00:09:30,486
Come on.
Take it to the Max.
203
00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:33,223
Big bang theory thinks
he can take my Jenny
204
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:35,091
to the Lasagna Farm...
205
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,026
My favorite restaurant?
206
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:38,361
Forget Jenny, man.
You got Robin now.
207
00:09:38,429 --> 00:09:39,629
You can have any girl you want.
208
00:09:39,697 --> 00:09:41,197
- Any girl.
- Hell, yeah.
209
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,066
But there's no way
I'm letting that freak
210
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,868
bone down
with my sloppy seconds...
211
00:09:45,936 --> 00:09:49,405
Or my dirty thirds...
212
00:09:49,473 --> 00:09:51,708
Or my filthy fourths!
213
00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,276
So what are you gonna do?
214
00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,612
I'm gonna show that freak how
a man takes care of business.
215
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:56,946
Yeah.
216
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,782
That's what I'm talking about.
217
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,352
Wait. Wait.
What are you talking about?
218
00:10:02,419 --> 00:10:05,221
He wants to take my girl
to my favorite restaurant?
219
00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:06,756
Fine.
220
00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:08,758
I'll make it a night
he never forgets.
221
00:10:08,826 --> 00:10:09,926
[Exhales sharply]
222
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:19,535
Hey, Robin,
can I talk to you for a second?
223
00:10:22,606 --> 00:10:24,574
Um, listen...
224
00:10:24,642 --> 00:10:26,476
I know everyone thinks
that we hate each other
225
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,212
because of Max, but I really
want to work this out.
226
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,948
I mean, we've been friends
forever, Robin.
227
00:10:32,016 --> 00:10:33,716
I couldn't agree more, Jenny.
228
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:35,585
Let's work it out.
229
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:37,987
Max is mine now,
230
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,623
which makes me the new queen
of Pinkerton High
231
00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:43,860
and makes you old news.
232
00:10:43,927 --> 00:10:45,695
That work out for you?
233
00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:48,765
See you at practice.
234
00:10:56,774 --> 00:10:58,841
"Suzanne does scarsdale."
235
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,443
RJ, are you kidding me?
236
00:11:00,511 --> 00:11:02,512
- Your parents are friggin' nuts.
- Yeah, well...
237
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,148
[Laughs]
You're hysterical, Vinny.
238
00:11:05,215 --> 00:11:07,817
Hey, your cousin is the dopest.
239
00:11:07,885 --> 00:11:10,586
Every girl he meets wants
to open her meat wallet for him.
240
00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:13,890
[Gasps] He could be
our Obi-Wan ka-nookie-nobi.
241
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,192
[Lightsaber whooshes]
"Suzanne does Albany"?
242
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,694
You got a whole box
of these things.
243
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,996
And yet, not one of my childhood.
244
00:11:20,064 --> 00:11:22,732
Ugh!
These two are stuck together.
245
00:11:24,535 --> 00:11:25,768
All right, I'll catch
you pinheads later.
246
00:11:25,836 --> 00:11:27,036
I got to go GTL.
247
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,938
- "GTL"?
- GTL...
248
00:11:29,006 --> 00:11:31,641
Gym, tan, laundry?
249
00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:33,409
Wait. What, do you think
this just happens?
250
00:11:33,477 --> 00:11:35,845
You guys got to keep
everything fresh all the time.
251
00:11:35,913 --> 00:11:38,981
You got to make so even you
want to hook up with you.
252
00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:40,483
Capisce?
253
00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:42,685
Vinny, we're begging you.
254
00:11:42,753 --> 00:11:44,654
Teach us, okay?
255
00:11:44,722 --> 00:11:46,556
Look at us!
We need you!
256
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,158
Well, I can't argue with that.
257
00:11:49,226 --> 00:11:51,728
Uh, Vin, no offense.
Miles...
258
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,162
What, are you kidding me?
259
00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,398
All week long you've been
bitching and moaning
260
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,066
about this date.
261
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,135
This is our answer.
262
00:11:59,203 --> 00:12:01,904
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
263
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,706
♪ put your hands up,
put 'em up, put 'em up ♪
264
00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:05,742
♪ put your glasses up,
fill 'em up, fill 'em up ♪
265
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,943
♪ from the front... ♪
Oh!
266
00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:09,212
The "g" stands for "gym,"
not "gordita."
267
00:12:09,279 --> 00:12:12,415
♪♪
268
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:16,686
All right, next piece
of the puzzle, cugin.
269
00:12:16,754 --> 00:12:18,788
Watch it, tool.
270
00:12:18,856 --> 00:12:21,257
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
271
00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:22,992
We don't got an issue here, bro.
272
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:25,194
You got an issue, bro,
273
00:12:25,262 --> 00:12:28,831
'cause I'm about to knock
your lights out.
274
00:12:28,899 --> 00:12:32,101
You gonna buy this shirt, bro?
It's a pretty fresh shirt.
275
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:35,071
You could do some real damage
in this thing.
276
00:12:38,609 --> 00:12:40,042
Y-you really think so?
277
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:41,277
Hell, yizz-eah.
278
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,979
I got the same one.
279
00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:44,814
This thing
is hippo repellant, bro.
280
00:12:44,882 --> 00:12:47,683
You know, it really
brings out your eyes.
281
00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:50,119
T-t-thanks, man.
282
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,754
[Cash register bell dings]
283
00:12:51,822 --> 00:12:52,889
[Smooching]
284
00:12:52,956 --> 00:12:54,257
Hug it out.
Hug it out.
285
00:12:54,324 --> 00:12:55,458
[Slaps back]
286
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:57,260
Say hello to your mother for me.
287
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,130
Oh, okay.
288
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,799
He was gonna kill you.
289
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:05,935
- How did you do that?
- RJ, he's a hater.
290
00:13:06,003 --> 00:13:07,770
Haters are just insecure.
291
00:13:07,838 --> 00:13:10,973
Real bros never let it
come to blows.
292
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,676
♪ 'Cause I'm... I'm
feeling like I... ♪
293
00:13:13,744 --> 00:13:15,778
[chuckles] You wear panties?
294
00:13:18,982 --> 00:13:21,551
[Mouths words]
295
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:25,388
♪♪
296
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,823
Obi-Wan ka-nookie-nobi.
297
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,659
Imagine seeing you here.
298
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,194
[Chuckles]
Oh, look!
299
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:33,563
It's the "fugly" salesman.
300
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:35,798
- We don't want any.
- Oh, Miles.
301
00:13:35,866 --> 00:13:38,367
That's no way to treat a lady.
302
00:13:38,435 --> 00:13:40,503
You got to be nice.
303
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:41,671
Okay?
304
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,240
Yeah.
Sorry, Vinny.
305
00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:47,543
Look, Lily, there's not enough
room on his jock
306
00:13:47,611 --> 00:13:48,878
for the both of us.
307
00:13:48,946 --> 00:13:50,446
You know, I'd tell you
to get a lap-band,
308
00:13:50,514 --> 00:13:52,849
but you don't have a lap.
309
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,750
Fancy running into you here, Lil.
310
00:13:54,818 --> 00:13:56,786
Well, I'm not here to see you,
if that's what you're thinking.
311
00:13:56,854 --> 00:13:59,288
I'm here to see if Vinny
needs any help with your move,
312
00:13:59,356 --> 00:14:01,724
like maybe
we could move my bowels
313
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:04,827
in the opposite direction.
314
00:14:04,895 --> 00:14:07,597
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
315
00:14:07,664 --> 00:14:08,764
Are you okay?
316
00:14:08,832 --> 00:14:10,433
Never better.
317
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:14,237
I see muscles don't run
in the family, huh, RJ?
318
00:14:14,304 --> 00:14:16,873
Lily, you don't look like
you're in the right condition
319
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,108
to help us move today.
320
00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:20,710
You understand,
right, sweetheart?
321
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,246
Oh, I'm very understanding...
322
00:14:23,313 --> 00:14:25,581
And flexible.
323
00:14:25,649 --> 00:14:27,250
See you later, sexy.
324
00:14:27,317 --> 00:14:29,018
♪ Come on, make it happen ♪
325
00:14:29,086 --> 00:14:33,523
♪ I'm gonna shine so bright ♪
326
00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:37,260
♪ put your hands up
high in the sky ♪
327
00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:40,563
♪ and wave 'em round,
round, and round ♪
328
00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:43,966
This my favorite shade.
It's called "Hoboken Rust."
329
00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:45,868
♪ I'm gonna shine so bright ♪
330
00:14:45,936 --> 00:14:48,771
♪♪
331
00:14:48,839 --> 00:14:51,841
♪ I'm feeling like a guido ♪
332
00:14:51,909 --> 00:14:54,610
♪ and I go hard ♪
333
00:14:58,247 --> 00:14:59,328
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
334
00:14:59,719 --> 00:15:02,755
Three men dressed like that
always add up to one lucky lady.
335
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:06,258
Oh, your first real date.
336
00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:08,527
I remember my first
with your father.
337
00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:11,230
Oh, he was such a gentleman.
338
00:15:11,298 --> 00:15:14,033
He made reservations
at a fancy place.
339
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:15,801
He held the door open for me.
340
00:15:15,869 --> 00:15:17,269
He ordered for me.
341
00:15:17,337 --> 00:15:19,204
[Whips cracking, women moaning]
342
00:15:19,272 --> 00:15:21,907
He even filled my water glass.
343
00:15:21,975 --> 00:15:24,076
He was so classy
in the early years.
344
00:15:24,144 --> 00:15:27,613
All we did on that first night
was hold hands.
345
00:15:29,716 --> 00:15:31,183
Young love is always so sweet...
346
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:33,552
No lies...
347
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:34,920
No kids...
348
00:15:34,988 --> 00:15:38,190
No STDs.
349
00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:41,260
[Traditional Italian music]
350
00:15:41,328 --> 00:15:45,364
♪♪
351
00:15:45,432 --> 00:15:47,566
You look, uh...
352
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:49,034
Incredibly pretty tonight.
353
00:15:49,102 --> 00:15:50,135
Thank you.
354
00:15:50,203 --> 00:15:51,804
You look, uh...
355
00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,106
I'm sorry, RJ, but why
are you dressed like that?
356
00:15:55,775 --> 00:15:58,277
Jenny, I'm so stupid.
357
00:15:58,345 --> 00:16:01,814
I let Miles and my cousin
talk me into this,
358
00:16:01,881 --> 00:16:04,216
and I guess
I'm just really nervous.
359
00:16:04,284 --> 00:16:05,484
That's why I like you, RJ.
360
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:06,885
You're never afraid
to tell the truth,
361
00:16:06,953 --> 00:16:08,921
even if it makes you look
a little ridiculous.
362
00:16:08,988 --> 00:16:11,023
I look a lot ridiculous.
[Both chuckle]
363
00:16:11,091 --> 00:16:13,258
Yeah, but it's kind of cute.
364
00:16:13,326 --> 00:16:16,628
You make me feel like it's okay
to be honest, too,
365
00:16:16,696 --> 00:16:17,963
you know, just be myself.
366
00:16:18,031 --> 00:16:19,398
Can I confess something?
367
00:16:19,466 --> 00:16:20,799
Just please don't tell me
368
00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:22,601
you're allergic to Ed Hardy
or Axe body spray.
369
00:16:22,669 --> 00:16:23,802
[Chuckles]
No.
370
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:26,004
This is my first real date.
371
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,673
You're Jenny Swanson.
372
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:29,241
How is that possible?
373
00:16:29,309 --> 00:16:31,443
I mean, I've been
to dances and stuff before,
374
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:32,945
but...
375
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:37,082
No one's ever asked me out
to dinner or anything.
376
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,150
This is really sweet.
377
00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:39,752
Look what we have here.
378
00:16:39,819 --> 00:16:43,088
Disaster date is on.
379
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,824
Max, what are you doing here?
380
00:16:45,892 --> 00:16:47,626
This is
my favorite restaurant, baby.
381
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:50,195
When I'm here,
they treat me like family.
382
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:52,331
Enjoy my leftovers, Berger.
383
00:16:52,399 --> 00:16:55,501
We'll be over here
if you need anything, "cabosh"?
384
00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,336
[Laughing]
385
00:16:59,506 --> 00:17:01,607
Watch and learn, baccala.
386
00:17:01,674 --> 00:17:04,176
Hey, ladies...
387
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:05,411
I know it's none
of my business or anything,
388
00:17:05,478 --> 00:17:07,446
but what is this...
sisters' night out?
389
00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:09,848
[All giggling]
390
00:17:12,485 --> 00:17:15,120
[Exhales sharply]
You have absolute power.
391
00:17:15,188 --> 00:17:16,955
I mean, you could've had
all three of them.
392
00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:18,424
The grandmother was the most fun.
393
00:17:18,491 --> 00:17:20,259
- Yeah?
- You can tell by the hips.
394
00:17:20,326 --> 00:17:23,629
[Chuckles]
Hey, I should be your wingman...
395
00:17:23,696 --> 00:17:25,631
observing the master at work.
396
00:17:25,698 --> 00:17:28,901
Listen, lunch box, you're
doing way too much talking
397
00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:30,202
- and not...
- Hey!
398
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:31,703
What is this... sisters' night?
399
00:17:31,771 --> 00:17:34,106
Oh, uh-uh.
What did you just say?
400
00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:46,051
Oh. Hey.
401
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:47,653
Nice poof, girl.
402
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,856
Mm, you should see the one
in my pants.
403
00:17:53,827 --> 00:17:56,829
Hey, douche bag, catch.
404
00:17:58,731 --> 00:18:00,365
- That's it.
- RJ, don't.
405
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,267
- They're not worth it.
- Yeah, they're not.
406
00:18:02,335 --> 00:18:04,470
But you are.
407
00:18:04,537 --> 00:18:06,371
RJ...
408
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:14,246
Max, Patterson,
nice seeing you both here.
409
00:18:14,314 --> 00:18:15,848
Berger, what is with this look?
410
00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:17,349
[Laughter]
411
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:19,685
We don't got a problem, bro.
412
00:18:19,752 --> 00:18:21,186
We're cool.
413
00:18:21,254 --> 00:18:22,221
No.
414
00:18:22,288 --> 00:18:24,923
I'm cool, bro.
415
00:18:26,526 --> 00:18:29,127
You're 105 pounds
of orange loser meat.
416
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,196
And we like our meat pounded.
417
00:18:31,264 --> 00:18:32,898
- Yeah.
- Max...
418
00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:34,466
That's a really nice shirt
you're wearing.
419
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:36,902
It really brings out the blue
in your eyes.
420
00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:39,104
What are you doing?
421
00:18:39,172 --> 00:18:42,307
Bros don't let it come to blows.
422
00:18:45,812 --> 00:18:47,145
Nobody bro-hugs Max Owens.
423
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,047
Except us...
For sports.
424
00:18:52,252 --> 00:18:54,119
[Patrons gasp]
425
00:18:54,187 --> 00:18:56,421
Not in my restaurant!
426
00:18:56,489 --> 00:18:58,357
Oh, cugin, you all right?
427
00:18:58,424 --> 00:19:00,592
We heard a commotion.
428
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:03,862
RJ, did you lay this guy out?
429
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:06,698
Oh! The endless salad
broke his fall.
430
00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:09,401
Man, I love-a this place.
431
00:19:09,469 --> 00:19:11,737
Actually, your bro helped me out.
432
00:19:11,804 --> 00:19:12,804
Oh, paesan.
433
00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:14,573
Thanks, brother.
434
00:19:14,641 --> 00:19:17,543
If anybody's gonna be whupping
ass in here, it's gonna be me.
435
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:20,212
Any of the rest of you feel
like tossing a little salad?
436
00:19:21,848 --> 00:19:23,849
Hey, lovebirds...
437
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:26,318
It's a little too violent
in here for a first date.
438
00:19:26,386 --> 00:19:28,854
What do you say I take you
somewhere more private?
439
00:19:28,922 --> 00:19:30,756
- Yes.
- Yeah.
440
00:19:30,823 --> 00:19:33,125
Come on, let's go.
441
00:19:37,138 --> 00:19:39,139
Thank you.
442
00:19:41,776 --> 00:19:44,912
I'm sorry you didn't get
your endless breadsticks.
443
00:19:44,979 --> 00:19:46,713
[Giggles]
That's okay.
444
00:19:46,781 --> 00:19:49,049
I got something much better.
445
00:19:57,459 --> 00:19:59,493
I hope you scotchgarded
your seats.
446
00:19:59,561 --> 00:20:01,929
Nah, he's keeping it
on the first-base lips tonight.
447
00:20:01,996 --> 00:20:04,731
He's angling long term.
448
00:20:06,734 --> 00:20:08,335
Going my way?
449
00:20:08,403 --> 00:20:12,272
Whoa, maintain legal inches,
sweetheart.
450
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,807
But look me up in a few years...
451
00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,442
Lwoww.
452
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:18,078
[Engine turning]
453
00:20:18,146 --> 00:20:20,047
My name is RJ Berger,
454
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:22,616
and I just had an imperfect date
455
00:20:22,684 --> 00:20:24,887
with the perfect girl.
456
00:20:31,226 --> 00:20:33,227
Next on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
457
00:20:33,294 --> 00:20:34,962
Sophomore lock-in night... it's
like a school-sponsored orgy.
458
00:20:35,029 --> 00:20:36,663
Maybe tonight is the night.
459
00:20:36,731 --> 00:20:37,965
You shall surely bone.
460
00:20:38,032 --> 00:20:39,433
Both: "Scorgy"!
461
00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:41,835
This is gonna be the greatest
night of our lives!
462
00:20:41,903 --> 00:20:43,203
You are so hot.
463
00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:47,203
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com