1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:02,993 [Ted Narrating] Kids, as you know... 2 00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,071 I was designing Goliath National Bank's new headquarters... 3 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,298 on the site of this old hotel, the Arcadian. 4 00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:08,874 [Crowd Chanting] GNB is the enemy! 5 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:12,172 Problem was, some people didn't want the Arcadian torn down. 6 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:16,078 Even bigger problem, they were led by my girlfriend, Zoey. 7 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,742 Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! Hey, sweetie. 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,652 Are we still on for dinner at 8:00 at Valenzizi's? 9 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,486 That's great! I can't wait! 10 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,857 [Crowd] That's great! I can't wait! That's great! I can't wait! 11 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,362 [Ted Narrating] But somehow, Zoey and I were making it work. 12 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,989 Ted, why are you dating our archenemy? 13 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,297 I mean, Wile E. Coyote wouldn't try to sleep with the Road Runner. 14 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:40,396 Or maybe he was. Think about it. 15 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:45,035 The way that she bats her eyelashes and shakes her tail feathers in his face. 16 00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:48,114 [Chuckles] She wants it. 17 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:51,672 Isn't it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this? 18 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,480 Of course you feel that way, Lily. 19 00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:57,181 You and Marshall have basically melded into one big hermaphroditic blob... 20 00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,190 and that's fine for you guys. 21 00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:02,921 But some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve. 22 00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,691 You guys are in screaming matches all the time. 23 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:09,064 Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Growing matches. 24 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,195 [Ted Narrating] It was true. Zoey and I loved to challenge each other. 25 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,830 The main character is a young, spoiled prince... 26 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,239 thrust into leadership after the death of his father. 27 00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,834 It's obviously a modern-day retelling of Henry IV. 28 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,506 Are you kidding me? It's Don Quixote. 29 00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:26,984 The classic quest story with the hero-jester and his long-suffering manservant. 30 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:31,046 Okay. Clearly, when we're watching Tommy Boy, we're watching two different movies. 31 00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:34,091 No. You hang up. 32 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,786 No! You hang up. 33 00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,419 No. You hang up. 34 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,623 No. You hang up. 35 00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:42,064 No. You hang up! 36 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,261 [Wearily] No. You hang up. 37 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:46,668 - No. You hang up. - No. You... 38 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,400 - [Phone Beeping] - Hold on. 39 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,840 - [Beeps] - Hello? 40 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,380 For the love of God, will one of you idiots hang up the phone! 41 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,273 [Gasping] 42 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:02,013 - Why would you do that? - l... I thought you'd like it. 43 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,649 - Who likes that? - I like it. 44 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,295 Your relationship sounds exhausting. 45 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,489 Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy. 46 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,864 Marshall and I have been together 15 years... 47 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,529 and the only debate we've had about Tommy Boy... 48 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,436 is whether it's awesome or super awesome. 49 00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,509 That's love, bitch. 50 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,346 ##[Upbeat Pop] 51 00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,779 ##[Man Vocalizing] 52 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,650 ##[Ends] 53 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:41,726 [Ted Narrating] Now, around this time, Marshall had truly come to hate his job. 54 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,796 He hated the paperwork. 55 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,727 He hated the coffee. 56 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,826 He hated the dirty jokes. 57 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,803 He hated everything. 58 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,137 [Clipping] 59 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:59,075 - I have to quit. - Quit GNB? Why? 60 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,773 I need to do better things with my life, okay? 61 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,906 There's... There's an opening for an environmental lawyer... 62 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,814 at the National Resources Defense Counsel. 63 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,352 Sure, it pays less... 64 00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:10,422 but I'd be saving the oceans, saving endangered species. 65 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:14,550 Saving chicken bones and an old boot to make hobo soup. 66 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:19,530 Marshall, you can't pay your mortgage with Hacky Sacks and good vibes. 67 00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:21,429 Baby, you have my full support. 68 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,503 Well, then you're not gonna be able to pay for that trip to Spain... 69 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,697 that you've been planning. 70 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,502 Yeah, say good-bye to riding around in gondolas... 71 00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:34,046 and eating bratwurst and seeing the pyramids. 72 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,513 I don't think you know what Spain is. 73 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:40,677 Well, I know that a trip there costs some serious lira. 74 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,915 - It's "dinero." - Where? I want his autograph! 75 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:47,117 [Ted Narrating] So, Marshall walked in the next morning all ready to quit. 76 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,751 But then something weird happened. 77 00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:50,556 [Woman] # I will remember you # 78 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:53,154 Suddenly he didn't hate the paperwork. 79 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:58,437 - He didn't hate the coffee. - # Will you remember me? # 80 00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,939 He didn't even hate the dirty jokes. 81 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:06,102 - # Don't let your life # - Out of nowhere, Marshall actually liked GNB. 82 00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:09,306 - # Pass you by ## - [Clipping] 83 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,814 - It's graduation goggles. - What? 84 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,885 Graduation goggles. Like with high school. 85 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,978 It's four years of bullies making fun of all the kids with braces... 86 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,922 even after the braces come off and they can walk just fine. 87 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:21,550 But then on graduation day, you suddenly get all misty... 88 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,494 because you realize you're never gonna see those jerks again. 89 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,259 I just had graduation goggles with that guy Scooby I dated. 90 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,426 The guy who was basically a dog? 91 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,129 He was the worst kisser I've ever been with. 92 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,831 [Robin] But the moment I decided to dump him... 93 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:40,174 - # I will remember you # - I suddenly got kinda wistful. 94 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,843 He was a good boy. 95 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,942 Yeah, I've been there too. 96 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,851 Every time I'm done having sex with a woman... 97 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,790 at first, I never want to see her again, but then... 98 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:58,853 ♪ I will remember you ♪♪ 99 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,467 - [Barney] No, that's pretty much it. - [No Audible Dialogue] 100 00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:08,301 The point is, you can't trust graduation goggles. 101 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,605 They're just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles... 102 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,178 and "that's just a bulky... 103 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,975 outdated cell phone in his front pocket" goggles. 104 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,982 That one was a bummer. 105 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:21,212 You're right. Tomorrow I'm quitting GNB. 106 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,118 No! You can't quit tomorrow! 107 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:25,019 The lady with the big nipples is coming back... 108 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,319 to give another sexual harassment seminar... 109 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,362 and I bribed one of the maintenance guys to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees. 110 00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:33,955 Baby, more than ever, you have my full support. 111 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,566 You know, sometimes I feel bad for Lily and Marshall. 112 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,798 I'm starting to feel bad for Ted and Zoey. 113 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:45,867 - [Snapping Fingers] - It starts with an "L"? 114 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,173 How can you not remember my name? 115 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,181 It's like they never challenge each other. 116 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,342 They just automatically agree all the time. 117 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,682 - Well, they don't do that all the time. - Yes, they do. 118 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,345 - No, they don't. - Yes, they do. 119 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,983 - It's like they don't see eye to eye on anything. - Eye to eye on anything. 120 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,493 - Totally. - Totally. 121 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,392 It rhymes with your name. 122 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,494 And I said my name was... 123 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:14,100 Baby, I did it. I quit! 124 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,903 And then I walked right over to the NRDC, and I took that job. 125 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,034 - Oh, good for you, sweetie! - Yeah, yeah. 126 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,306 It's a little less money than I was expecting. 127 00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:24,349 I mean, compared to what I was making at GNB, it's nothing. 128 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,180 Actually, compared to anything, it's nothing. It's nothing. 129 00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:31,518 The paid position just got filled, so all I can do is volunteer right now. 130 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,751 You're cool with that, right? 131 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,852 Baby, if this is what you need to do, we'll figure it out. 132 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:39,431 How's Barney handling you leaving? 133 00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,862 Hey, Barney, there's a bunch of models in the lobby... 134 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,464 and the gossip is one of them is really a dude. 135 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,736 You wanna play Who's Hot and Who's Scott? 136 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:55,280 It's always the one in the turtleneck, Ted. 137 00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:59,078 No, I don't wanna play. Stupid Marshall, he ruined everything. 138 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,085 Oh, come on. Everything's not ruined. 139 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,384 - Guys, everything's ruined. - What? Why? 140 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:08,256 Your girlfriend somehow got the landmark preservation committee to agree to a hearing. 141 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,829 If they declare the Arcadian a landmark, the whole project is dead. 142 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:16,400 The good news is I just got the phone number of a husky-voiced hottie in a turtleneck. 143 00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,163 Ha-ha-ha! 144 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,712 So, if the landmark preservation committee sides with Zoey... 145 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,077 your whole project goes down the tubes? 146 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:34,245 - You must be furious. - I'm furiously enjoying being challenged. 147 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:37,584 Why don't you admit that your girlfriend challenging your every move... 148 00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:40,250 is getting you a little murder-suicidey? 149 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,327 Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job... 150 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,259 and taking an unpaid internship is killing you? 151 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,228 - It's not. - Lily. 152 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,768 The downside to having giant Japanese anime eyes is that they're easy to read. 153 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:53,498 And yours are screaming, "What about my trip to Spain, deadbeat?" 154 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,803 Okay, Ted, the downside to having a woman's mouth... 155 00:07:56,909 --> 00:08:01,005 is your feminine pout gives away your true feelings, and yours is saying... 156 00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:04,674 [Squeaky Voice] "Oh, Zoey, why can't I be on top just this once?" 157 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:08,015 We take turns! Sometimes. 158 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,054 Hey, guys. Thanks. 159 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,785 - I just had the best first day at the NRDC. - [Laughing] 160 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,885 [Laughing Continues] 161 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:21,126 I'm sorry. Sorry. Something Hershel said at work today. 162 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,527 - Hershel? - What? Don't you guys know Hershel? 163 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:28,471 Did I tell you? Oh, he's the new lawyer who replaced Marshall at GNB. 164 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:33,375 He is so awesome and funny and tall. Taller than Marshall. 165 00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,970 And he knows way more laws. 166 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,846 - Uh, I'm glad you like your new coworker. - There's no Hershel! 167 00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,748 I was just saying that to make you jealous. 168 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,151 - Why do you insist we play these games? - Barney, I'm not... 169 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,985 Just come back to GNB already! 170 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:48,549 - I'm really loving my new job. - Oh, and I'm loving seeing you this happy. 171 00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:51,596 I'm glad to hear you say that because I volunteered our apartment... 172 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,029 for a big NRDC fund-raiser tomorrow night. 173 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:57,432 - You're cool with that, right? - Baby, you have my full support. 174 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,664 - Thanks, baby. - [Cell Phone Chimes] - Oh. 175 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,070 Oop! I gotta go. The invitations are ready. 176 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:05,143 The party's for a bunch of environmentalists, so I found a guy downtown... 177 00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:09,943 who makes biodegradable party invitations that can also be used as toilet paper. 178 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,074 That's how I'm gonna use mine. 179 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:16,280 Why in the world do you care so much whether Marshall works at GNB? 180 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,381 Care? I don't care. I'm, like, whatever. Marshall who? 181 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,017 He's stupid. Hershel's way better. 182 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:25,894 Barney, is it possible that, with everything that's gone on with your dad lately... 183 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:29,365 you might have some unresolved abandonment issues you're transferring onto Marshall? 184 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,528 Oh, blecch! You are worse than my shrink. 185 00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:35,368 "Barney, we have to talk about your father." 186 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:39,171 "Barney, I'm not gonna teach you how to hypnotize people. You'll only use it for evil." 187 00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:42,213 "Barney, I'm not gonna conduct a couples session between you and this woman. 188 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,078 She's obviously a prostitute." 189 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,048 I don't need this! 190 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:50,820 Ah, Lily Aldrin, half of the world's most perfect couple. 191 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,086 I was thinking about that "woman's mouth" comment, and I have three good comebacks. 192 00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:57,720 - One. Your mom didn't seem to mind it last night... - No, Ted, I need a favor. 193 00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,661 Would you mind driving out to Kennedy with me... 194 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,098 to pick up this famous ecologist for Marshall's fund-raiser? 195 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:06,296 Apparently, he only speaks Spanish, and you speak Spanish, right? 196 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:11,006 [Speaking Spanish] 197 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,975 Perfect. Let's go. 198 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:19,908 Hey, Marshall, it's me. Listen, I know I've been kind of a jerk about your leaving GNB. 199 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,987 I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry. 200 00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,283 No apologies necessary. We're good. 201 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,153 Good. Um... 202 00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:28,852 Hey, any chance you might, maybe... I don't know... if you're not busy... 203 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,861 uh, wanna have lunch today? 204 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,591 Oh, buddy, I'd love to, but I can't. 205 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,725 Oh, that's cool. No biggie. 206 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,463 Another time. 207 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:59,113 Oh, my God! 208 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:03,354 - How long have you been there? - You don't remember? 209 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,861 Hey, I was in the neighborhood. 210 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,866 I just wanted to check in on you. 211 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,959 You seemed, um... You seemed really upset the other day. 212 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,766 - Oh, no. I'm fine. - Okay. 213 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,967 - Well, um, you wanna go grab some lunch? - Sure. 214 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:20,807 - Hey, you okay if I invite Marshall to join us? - Yeah. 215 00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:25,147 Right. 216 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:28,914 So, um, Chinese? 217 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:35,949 You know, just because Zoey and I are a different kind of couple than you and Marshall... 218 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,326 doesn't make us a worse couple. 219 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,661 You're right. 220 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,964 l-lf you and Zoey are happy, then who am I to judge? 221 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,539 I'm so sorry. 222 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,901 Oh, my God. Is that how support feels? 223 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,502 It's so warm and wonderful. 224 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,104 Oh, Lily, I've been so unhappy. 225 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,241 But I thought you liked being challenged? 226 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,342 Nobody likes being challenged! 227 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,752 Couldn't she agree with me just once, even on something little... 228 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:07,485 like... like what movie to see or... or what topping to get on a pizza... 229 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:12,223 or... oh, I don't know... my lifelong dream of building a skyscraper in New York City? 230 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:16,734 Well, in her defense, hamburger pizza, Ted? What are you, 12? 231 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,266 You were right, Lily. 232 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,272 I mean, Zoey's great, but sometimes l-I do wish... 233 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:25,309 we were a little more like you and Marshall. 234 00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:29,875 There he is. Here we go. 235 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,218 [Speaking Spanish] 236 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:44,288 I'm sorry. I don't speak... whatever it is you're speaking. 237 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:48,125 - Um, he speaks perfect English. - Yeah, l-I know. 238 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,968 Why did you ask me to come? 239 00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,699 So you could drive him to the fund-raiser. 240 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,207 Supporting Marshall this much is driving me crazy. 241 00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,869 I'm going to Spain. My flight leaves in 45 minutes. 242 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,447 Adios, muchacho. 243 00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,313 Wait. Wait, wait, wait! What do you mean you're going to Spain? 244 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:11,946 You were right. 245 00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:14,855 If I hear myself say, "Baby, you have my full support" one more time... 246 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,793 I swear I'm gonna murder someone! 247 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,092 [Chuckles] What are you gonna tell Marshall, huh? 248 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:21,826 And when are you coming back? 249 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:25,597 I honestly haven't thought it all the way through, and I don't intend to. 250 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,605 All I know is that I'm a ticking time bomb... 251 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:33,610 and if I don't do something for me right away, I swear I'm gonna explode! 252 00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,545 Wow! That's an evocative metaphor to use... 253 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,776 for your nonthreatening, totally patriotic emotions. 254 00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,876 U.S.A.! Okay, Lily, I get it. 255 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,750 Marshall's been asking a lot lately. 256 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,518 But the thing to do is-is tell him you've had enough. 257 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,354 I've never been good at that. 258 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,690 And now, ever since his dad died... 259 00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,924 l-I feel like it's my job to just be fine with everything. 260 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:58,265 But I'm not. I'm not fine that he volunteers our apartment for a giant fund-raiser... 261 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:01,567 and that he's not thinking about how we're gonna pay any of our bills... 262 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,576 and that, apparently, we've given up on trying to have kids. 263 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,475 - Lil. - I'm sorry, Ted. I just... I gotta do this. 264 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,982 My bag? Oh, no. I got it. 265 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:19,525 - There's nothin' to talk about. - You trashed your office today! 266 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,756 - There's nothin' to talk about. - You trashed your office today! 267 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,854 I mean, you obviously have some deep feelings you're not confronting... 268 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,660 and I think they're about your dad. 269 00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,996 - I don't wanna talk about it, okay? - Why not? 270 00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,627 Because I don't! And why am I explaining this to you? 271 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:36,037 You're the most secretive person I know. You never tell anybody anything. 272 00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:40,873 I've never told anyone this before. 273 00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:46,282 Um, I was 16. 274 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,377 I was awakened around midnight... 275 00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:51,683 by the sound of my father arguing... 276 00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:55,021 with his business partner, Andy Grenier. 277 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,459 As things grew heated... 278 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,499 I watched my father's hands slowly coil around... 279 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,364 the heavy antique clock on his desk. 280 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,868 The sun was just starting to rise over the bramble orchard... 281 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:15,037 as we packed the fresh earth down with the flats of our shovels. 282 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,016 My dad and I got our stories straight. 283 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,109 We walked back to the house in silence... 284 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:24,189 and... haven't talked about it since. 285 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,822 But sometimes... 286 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,294 on a still night... 287 00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:33,888 I can still hear that clock... 288 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:38,333 - [Clock Ticking, Faint] - ticking, ticking, ticking. 289 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:44,937 That's the most harrowing story I've ever heard. 290 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:48,172 - Is it true? - No. 291 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,412 But it did get you to drink three scotches... 292 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,009 which is why you're ready to spill your guts. 293 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,849 Fine. 294 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:01,325 The reason I'm upset about Marshall leaving GNB is... 295 00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:04,295 is... 296 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,830 Hey. 297 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:10,527 [Inhales, Sighs] The meatball sub. 298 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:15,266 - Huh? - It all started months ago in the GNB commissary. 299 00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,274 It was meatball sub day. 300 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:21,210 Oh, how I used to love meatball sub day. 301 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,805 And then, the most humiliating moment of my life. 302 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:28,944 Hey, buddy. I think you got a tiny bit of marinara sauce on your tie there. 303 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,447 - [Laughing] - [Laughing] 304 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,322 [Laughing Continues] 305 00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:39,557 [Barney] I plotted my revenge for weeks, but nothing seemed right. 306 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,633 Then it hit me. 307 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,202 The answer was so elegant and simple. 308 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:50,775 An exploding meatball sub. 309 00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:56,070 For months, I experimented. 310 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,347 [Explodes] 311 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,892 More marinara sauce. 312 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:15,065 Finally, the sub was perfected. 313 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:19,160 The plan was in place. The snare was baited. 314 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:23,503 And then he quit, Robin. He quit! 315 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:28,171 It's meatball sub day today, which is why I wanted Marshall to come over and have lunch. 316 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,807 But no. All that work wasted. 317 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,909 [Chuckles] You wanna make God laugh? 318 00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,352 Tell him your plans, right? 319 00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,258 What is wrong with you? 320 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,956 Hey. Oh, Professor Rodriguez. Thank you so much for coming. 321 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,795 Oh, my pleasure. I have to use the restroom. 322 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,098 - Do you have some extra invitations? - Right over there. 323 00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,297 - Enjoy. - Hey. 324 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,567 - Hey, thanks for picking him up. - Yeah. Absolutely. 325 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,769 Listen, something happened at the airport. Um... 326 00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,813 - What? - Well, we got there, and, uh, Lily... 327 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,473 [Sighs] Lily... 328 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,483 Marshall, hey. Sorry. 329 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,453 I, uh, had to park and... and grab some ice. Sorry. 330 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,751 - Oh, thanks, babe. - Mmm. 331 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:16,157 You would not believe how much this one has done to help throw this party, Ted. 332 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,525 I don't know how she does it. 333 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,599 Can't be easy, huh, Lil? 334 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:25,659 Yeah. Listen, Marshall. l-I need to talk to you about something. 335 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,001 No, you know what? Me too. Um... 336 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,099 I want to thank you for being so supportive of me in all this. 337 00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,678 I've been at the NRDC for less than a week... 338 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,237 and I've already done more to be proud of than in two years at GNB. 339 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:41,183 I can't believe how good it feels. 340 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:45,450 But now it's time for me to... to find a way to help the earth and get paid for it... 341 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:48,424 because I can't put that burden entirely on you. 342 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:52,486 So, starting tomorrow, I'll look for something with a paycheck. 343 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,295 - What do you think? - Baby, you have my full support. 344 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,868 Mmm. 345 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,961 Ted. 346 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:03,007 Hey! What are you doin' here? 347 00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:06,100 This is really important to Marshall, so I came to show my support. 348 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:10,011 - This you can be supportive of? - What is that supposed to mean? 349 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:12,982 I have the chance to build a skyscraper in the best city on earth... 350 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,553 and who's the one leading the charge to kill that dream? 351 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,485 - My girlfriend! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 352 00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:21,992 What about my lifelong dream of not seeing every beautiful building in Manhattan bulldozed? 353 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,120 [Ted Narrating] And in that moment I realized, though I really cared about Zoey... 354 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,130 I couldn't do this for the next 50 years. 355 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:30,099 I had to break up with her. But then... 356 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:35,139 - # I will remember you # - [No Audible Dialogue] 357 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,604 ♪ Will you remember me? ♪♪ 358 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,304 Kids, some couples always support each other... 359 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,847 and some couples always challenge each other. 360 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:47,043 But is one really better than the other? 361 00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:50,349 Yes. Support is better, way better. 362 00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:53,185 But I'd have to learn that the hard way. 363 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,458 - You're too young. - This isn't fair. 364 00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:00,395 We're not goin' anywhere, buddy. 365 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:03,332 - We're gonna stay here right till the end. - Thank you, Marshall. 366 00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:05,494 [Coughing] 367 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:09,700 Marshall, can I ask one final favor, my friend? 368 00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:12,436 Yes, of course. Of course. Anything. 369 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,678 Eat this meatball sub. 370 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,912 - Where-Where'd you get a meatball... - I don't have much time! 371 00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,783 Yes, yes. Of course. Of course. 372 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,584 [Gasps] 373 00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,055 Does this have some sort of special meaning? 374 00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:35,926 Ha, ha, ha, ha! [Laughing] 375 00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,195 I'm not sick, you idiots! 376 00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:42,740 I've racked up $30,000 of uninsured medical bills for symptoms I don't even have. 377 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,106 Totally worth it! You should see the look on your face. 378 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:49,840 Oh, wait. You can't, 'cause it's covered in marinara sauce! 379 00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:52,940 Ah, ha, ha! 380 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:56,578 Uh, Barney, you got a little marinara on your pajamas. 381 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,315 [Chuckles, Stops] 382 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:31,823 English - US - SDH