1
00:00:00,622 --> 00:00:02,222
♪ ♪

2
00:00:02,530 --> 00:00:04,395
Hi. My name's Mike.
I'm an over eater.

3
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,131
All: Hi, Mike.

4
00:00:05,132 --> 00:00:08,067
I had a pretty good week.
I lost two more pounds.

5
00:00:08,068 --> 00:00:09,468
(Applause)

6
00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:12,004
And that was before I cut my
hair, flossed my teeth

7
00:00:12,005 --> 00:00:14,473
and pulled a dust bunny
from my belly button.

8
00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:16,442
So, let's just call it
an even three.

9
00:00:16,443 --> 00:00:20,411
My point is, the winter weight
is slowly starting to melt away.

10
00:00:20,412 --> 00:00:21,980
That doesn't mean
I'm out of the woods yet.

11
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,548
In fact, I'm looking
at what could be

12
00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:24,950
the biggest food challenge
of the year

13
00:00:24,951 --> 00:00:26,618
for any Chicago sports fan.

14
00:00:26,619 --> 00:00:29,054
I'm talking about opening day
at wrigley field.

15
00:00:29,055 --> 00:00:31,256
(Attendees murmur)
All right? Cold beer,

16
00:00:31,257 --> 00:00:33,524
chili dogs, salted peanuts.

17
00:00:33,525 --> 00:00:35,460
Those little cups
of chocolate ice cream...

18
00:00:35,461 --> 00:00:37,327
You know... that you eat
with the tiny wooden spoon?

19
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,930
You're still <i>sucking</i> the flavor
out of the wood grain

20
00:00:39,931 --> 00:00:41,999
while you're ordering
the next one.

21
00:00:43,769 --> 00:00:45,936
But this year,
I'm sticking to my diet.

22
00:00:45,937 --> 00:00:49,173
I'm pitching a no-eater.

23
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,308
When I stand up for the
seventh-inning stretch,

24
00:00:51,309 --> 00:00:54,144
there'll be no crumbs, peanut
shells, or candy wrappers

25
00:00:54,145 --> 00:00:57,013
falling from my vintage
Ryne Sandberg Cubs Jersey.

26
00:00:57,014 --> 00:00:58,782
It's all about discipline.

27
00:00:58,783 --> 00:01:00,049
I'm going to keep my eyes
on the ball,

28
00:01:00,050 --> 00:01:01,317
away from the vendors,

29
00:01:01,318 --> 00:01:03,820
and pray to God
we don't go into extra innings.

30
00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:07,823
I'm gonna do it this year.
But more importantly,

31
00:01:07,824 --> 00:01:09,724
the Cubbies
are gonna do it this year.

32
00:01:09,725 --> 00:01:12,094
I'm planning on dieting
through the playoffs,

33
00:01:12,095 --> 00:01:13,896
all the way to the world series.

34
00:01:13,897 --> 00:01:15,030
Now who's with me?!

35
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,064
Cubs! Cubs!

36
00:01:16,065 --> 00:01:18,901
Cubs! Cubs! Cubs! Cubs! Cubs!

37
00:01:18,902 --> 00:01:23,638
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

38
00:01:23,639 --> 00:01:26,841
♪ I see love. ♪

39
00:01:39,731 --> 00:01:41,832
Man, I'm looking forward
to this game.

40
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,535
And this year, I got a new pair
of blue blocker sunglasses,

41
00:01:44,536 --> 00:01:46,470
so I ain't losing any more
foul balls to the sun.

42
00:01:46,471 --> 00:01:47,938
You didn't lose that ball
in the sun;

43
00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:49,839
you lost that ball
to a six-year-old girl.

44
00:01:52,077 --> 00:01:54,445
She bit me.

45
00:01:54,446 --> 00:01:57,814
Ah, baseball season again.

46
00:01:57,815 --> 00:01:59,648
You know, we have something
similar in my country.

47
00:01:59,649 --> 00:02:01,384
No kidding. Samuel: Yes...

48
00:02:01,385 --> 00:02:03,819
One man stands in the field
holding a large stick.

49
00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:05,688
Another man throws
a stone at him.

50
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:06,789
Then the man with the stick

51
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:08,491
chases the man
who threw the stone.

52
00:02:08,492 --> 00:02:10,226
Oh. And you call
that baseball?

53
00:02:10,227 --> 00:02:12,061
No. It's called: Stay away from
my goats,

54
00:02:12,062 --> 00:02:13,362
you rock-throwing bastards.

55
00:02:15,598 --> 00:02:18,166
Similar to your sport, except
instead of hot dogs and beer,

56
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:20,969
we have drought and starvation.

57
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,770
Go, Cubbies!

58
00:02:22,771 --> 00:02:25,073
(Scoffs)

59
00:02:25,074 --> 00:02:26,874
Hey, Carl, what would
you think about, um,

60
00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:28,810
me asking Molly to go to
the game with us? Sure.

61
00:02:28,811 --> 00:02:31,412
Why don't I ask my grandma
to go, too?

62
00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:32,846
Better yet,
let's just Skip the game,

63
00:02:32,847 --> 00:02:35,583
and we can all just make a quilt
and do each other's hair.

64
00:02:35,584 --> 00:02:38,719
A simple "I don't care
for the idea" would suffice.

65
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,654
Well, I'm just saying,
opening day is our tradition.

66
00:02:40,655 --> 00:02:42,456
And besides, we only got
the two tickets.

67
00:02:42,457 --> 00:02:44,492
Yeah, but I could trade those
two for three in the bleachers.

68
00:02:44,493 --> 00:02:47,327
What? I stood in line all night
for those field-level tickets.

69
00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:49,929
I had to pee in my thermos.

70
00:02:49,930 --> 00:02:51,231
But Molly's my girlfriend,

71
00:02:51,232 --> 00:02:53,199
and I should include her
in everything I do,

72
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,168
because shared experiences
and memorable moments

73
00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:57,670
are what bring a couple
closer together.

74
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:02,408
You're reading her magazines,
now, aren't you?

75
00:03:02,409 --> 00:03:05,177
I can't help it.
She leaves them in the crapper,

76
00:03:05,178 --> 00:03:08,713
and the sports section
only gets me halfway home.

77
00:03:08,714 --> 00:03:10,682
Look, there's nothing wrong
with you guys

78
00:03:10,683 --> 00:03:12,351
doing things apart
from each other.

79
00:03:12,352 --> 00:03:14,119
Yeah, but isn't that one
of the top ten warning signs

80
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,420
that your man is cheating?

81
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:20,124
Dude, seriously, you got to read
a little less

82
00:03:20,125 --> 00:03:21,392
and push a little harder.

83
00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:34,705
Oh. That's where my <i>cosmo</i> went.

84
00:03:34,706 --> 00:03:37,574
Yeah, I wanted to finish
this article

85
00:03:37,575 --> 00:03:40,076
on finding the female g-spot.

86
00:03:40,077 --> 00:03:43,012
Got to be honest.
Looks like a two-man job.

87
00:03:44,915 --> 00:03:46,883
Yeah, or a one-woman job.

88
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,887
Hey, I only have to work
a half-day tomorrow.

89
00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:53,189
I was thinking we
could go grab lunch.

90
00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:55,524
Oh, I can't. I'm going
to the Cubs game with Carl.

91
00:03:55,525 --> 00:03:57,259
You guys are going
to opening day?

92
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:58,527
Ah, that's great.

93
00:03:58,528 --> 00:04:00,529
Yeah, I wasn't trying
to exclude you from anything.

94
00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:02,964
This is just an annual ritual
that I have with Carl.

95
00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:04,567
I get it. It's a guy thing.

96
00:04:04,568 --> 00:04:08,769
Exactly. It's like growing
a beard, or peeing standing up.

97
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,839
Might not be fair,
but I didn't make the rules.

98
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,676
Actually, I'm okay
with being excluded

99
00:04:14,677 --> 00:04:16,944
from both of those things.
(Chuckles)

100
00:04:16,945 --> 00:04:18,979
Besides, it's baseball.

101
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,548
You'd probably
be bored to tears.

102
00:04:20,549 --> 00:04:22,083
No, I love baseball.

103
00:04:22,084 --> 00:04:24,651
Used to go to the games
all the time with my dad.

104
00:04:24,652 --> 00:04:26,220
We'd take the el
to the ballpark,

105
00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:28,188
I'd sit on his lap
and keep the scorecard.

106
00:04:28,189 --> 00:04:31,858
Some of my best memories of him
are at those baseball games.

107
00:04:31,859 --> 00:04:33,527
Really?
Yeah...

108
00:04:33,528 --> 00:04:34,928
That was our special time
together.

109
00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:36,930
Just me and my pop.

110
00:04:36,931 --> 00:04:40,299
You know, I haven't gone to a
single game since he died.

111
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:42,134
You're kidding?
No.

112
00:04:42,135 --> 00:04:43,836
So I completely understand

113
00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:46,905
how much this tradition
means to you guys.

114
00:04:46,906 --> 00:04:48,307
Good night, sweetie.

115
00:04:48,308 --> 00:04:50,376
Sleep tight.

116
00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:00,184
Grandma:
<i>Now, Michael...</i>

117
00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:03,355
Be sure and make a big fuss over
Carlton's new baseball mitt.

118
00:05:03,356 --> 00:05:05,889
He's been breaking
that thing in all month.

119
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,125
I promise to ooh and ah.

120
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:09,293
I'm just happy to see the boy

121
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:11,828
oiling something other
than himself.

122
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,832
Hey, what are you
doing here so early?

123
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:18,068
Batting practice doesn't start
for another 45 minutes.

124
00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:19,370
I'm just excited to get
to the park.

125
00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:21,371
Cheering on my favorite team,
with my best buddy.

126
00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:22,938
Oh, we got to make one little
stop on the way.

127
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:25,275
What stop? No big deal.
Hey is that a new mitt?

128
00:05:25,276 --> 00:05:27,977
Ooh... ah...

129
00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:30,480
You invited Molly
to come with us, didn't you?

130
00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:32,848
Oh, man!

131
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,617
I knew you'd fold!

132
00:05:34,618 --> 00:05:36,619
I had to. She used to go
to the games

133
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,587
with her dead dad.
They'd take the train;

134
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:39,821
they'd sit
in each other's laps...

135
00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:41,456
I don't know, you got
to hear her tell it.

136
00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:43,858
And because of that,
I got to sit in the bleachers?

137
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:46,695
Hey, I didn't kill the man.
Why do I have to be punished?

138
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:49,398
I'll sit in the bleachers.
You two can sit down front.

139
00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:51,065
Oh, I see.
You get to enjoy the game

140
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:52,501
while I entertain
your girlfriend.

141
00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:53,867
Fine, then you sit
in the bleachers.

142
00:05:53,868 --> 00:05:55,569
Which is exactly what
you wanted.

143
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,237
Boy, quit going on and on.

144
00:05:57,238 --> 00:05:59,139
You talking about
a baseball game.

145
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:01,909
Acting like Michael stood
you up for the junior prom.

146
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:03,444
Well, he asked me to go first.

147
00:06:06,014 --> 00:06:08,982
Is it any wonder
that everybody at my church

148
00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:11,284
has you in their
special prayers?

149
00:06:13,487 --> 00:06:15,087
Listen, we'll take turns
in the bleachers.

150
00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:16,589
I promise I won't let her
ruin our day.

151
00:06:17,558 --> 00:06:18,925
Fine. She can come.

152
00:06:18,926 --> 00:06:20,860
But I am not the third wheel.

153
00:06:20,861 --> 00:06:22,495
<i>She</i> is the third wheel.

154
00:06:22,496 --> 00:06:23,996
I get it. We're the motorcycle

155
00:06:23,997 --> 00:06:25,597
and she's the sidecar.
No.

156
00:06:25,598 --> 00:06:27,232
We're the winnebago, and
she's the little ski-doo

157
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:28,900
we're dragging behind us.

158
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,503
Hey, this winnebago lost
three pounds last week.

159
00:06:31,504 --> 00:06:32,971
Well, I already told you
how good you looked.

160
00:06:32,972 --> 00:06:34,873
It's just nice to hear
once in a while.

161
00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:38,109
Good Lord.

162
00:06:38,110 --> 00:06:40,713
The two of them might as well
move to Las Vegas,

163
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:43,648
get a couple of white tigers
and start a magic show.

164
00:06:47,619 --> 00:06:49,554
Looky what I found.

165
00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:50,921
Oh, my God.

166
00:06:50,922 --> 00:06:52,957
Dad's old Cubbie cap.

167
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:55,092
(Laughing):
Oh...

168
00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,561
Ah, it smells just like him.

169
00:06:56,562 --> 00:06:58,127
Vitalis and old spice.

170
00:06:58,128 --> 00:07:00,129
(Laughs)

171
00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:03,166
Dad sure loved the old spice,
didn't he, mom?

172
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:05,736
That's all you girls ever
gave him... for Christmas,

173
00:07:05,737 --> 00:07:07,103
his birthday and father's day.

174
00:07:07,104 --> 00:07:09,205
He used to have to
slap it on pretty heavy

175
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:11,241
just to keep it from piling up.

176
00:07:11,242 --> 00:07:14,109
Yeah, I have a weird memory of
him using that stuff

177
00:07:14,110 --> 00:07:15,578
to start the grill.

178
00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:16,945
Starting the grill,

179
00:07:16,946 --> 00:07:18,547
getting paint off his hands,

180
00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:20,182
killing ants...

181
00:07:22,452 --> 00:07:23,652
Victoria:
Oh, my God.

182
00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:25,254
If you were a little bustier,

183
00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:26,622
you'd look just like dad.

184
00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:34,996
Boy, he loved
taking you to the games.

185
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,031
You were his little tomboy.

186
00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:39,601
I remember as soon as we'd get
to the ballpark,

187
00:07:39,602 --> 00:07:41,068
he'd always order his one beer

188
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,104
and then give me
a little sip of the suds.

189
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:44,806
Well, he'd usually slam down
four or five

190
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:47,307
before you even left the house.

191
00:07:47,308 --> 00:07:50,310
That's the reason
you had to take the train.

192
00:07:52,614 --> 00:07:54,114
It's going to be weird,
you know?

193
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:55,783
I-I've never been to a game
without him.

194
00:07:55,784 --> 00:07:57,518
Don't worry.

195
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,753
He'll be there with you
in spirit.

196
00:07:59,754 --> 00:08:02,321
I know he's sitting up there
right now,

197
00:08:02,322 --> 00:08:03,689
looking down on all of us.

198
00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:05,792
Hmm. Kind of like
when he used to take

199
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:07,393
the lawn chair up on the roof

200
00:08:07,394 --> 00:08:09,829
with a cooler of beer.

201
00:08:09,830 --> 00:08:12,164
Yeah...

202
00:08:12,165 --> 00:08:14,199
Except without the
neighbors complaining

203
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,701
because he's throwing
rocks at cars

204
00:08:15,702 --> 00:08:17,669
or peeing in the drainpipe.

205
00:08:20,306 --> 00:08:22,441
Carl, I'll be happy
to sit in back,

206
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:23,508
if you want to be up front.

207
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:24,876
No, I'm fine.

208
00:08:24,877 --> 00:08:27,946
Didn't camp out overnight
for those two seats.

209
00:08:27,947 --> 00:08:30,114
Hmm? What?
Nothing.

210
00:08:30,115 --> 00:08:31,382
He's just being funny.

211
00:08:31,383 --> 00:08:33,251
(Laughs)
Hey, I really appreciate

212
00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:34,819
you guys inviting me along.

213
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:36,487
And don't think
you have to give me

214
00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:37,855
any special treatment.

215
00:08:37,856 --> 00:08:39,790
Just consider me one
of the fellas.

216
00:08:39,791 --> 00:08:41,492
Shouldn't be a problem;
I'm able to consider Carl

217
00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:43,627
one of the fellas.
(Chuckles)

218
00:08:43,628 --> 00:08:45,028
See, that's what we do for fun;

219
00:08:45,029 --> 00:08:46,196
we bust each other's stones,

220
00:08:46,197 --> 00:08:48,298
give each other
little zings. Ha-Cha!

221
00:08:48,299 --> 00:08:50,299
Oh... well. Hey!

222
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,801
You can do that with me, too.

223
00:08:51,802 --> 00:08:53,436
Feel free to give me
little zings

224
00:08:53,437 --> 00:08:55,939
and bust my stones.

225
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,374
Girls don't have stones.

226
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:00,977
Not her fault, Carl.

227
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:03,580
Okay, look, I-I realize
I'm a guest here,

228
00:09:03,581 --> 00:09:06,081
so I should be the one to take
the seat in the bleachers.

229
00:09:06,082 --> 00:09:08,316
I agree. No, I think

230
00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:10,251
we should work out some sort
of seating schedule.

231
00:09:10,252 --> 00:09:12,921
I disagree.
Hear me out.

232
00:09:12,922 --> 00:09:14,389
We'll rotate every
couple innings.

233
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:15,557
That way nobody feels left out.

234
00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:17,092
Oh, it sounds too complicated.

235
00:09:17,093 --> 00:09:19,427
Oh. It's actually
pretty easy.

236
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,363
Just in case,
I-I worked out

237
00:09:21,364 --> 00:09:23,664
a little round-Robin rotation,
where we alternate

238
00:09:23,665 --> 00:09:26,333
every three innings,
and if we go extra innings,

239
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:28,569
we just pull a name
out of a hat.

240
00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:30,938
Does anybody have a hat?

241
00:09:30,939 --> 00:09:32,940
(Chuckling)

242
00:09:32,941 --> 00:09:35,309
This is going to be fun, huh?

243
00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:44,937
Crowd:
♪ ...Land of the free ♪

244
00:09:44,938 --> 00:09:52,043
♪ and the home of the brave. ♪

245
00:09:56,385 --> 00:09:58,653
Play ball!

246
00:09:58,654 --> 00:10:00,723
Ooh...

247
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:02,490
Are you sure you don't mind

248
00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:03,755
me eating this in front of you?

249
00:10:03,756 --> 00:10:04,693
Don't worry about me.

250
00:10:04,694 --> 00:10:06,762
I got a tub of carrot sticks:

251
00:10:06,763 --> 00:10:09,697
America's favorite
ballpark snack.

252
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:12,399
I'm only having it for my dad.

253
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,901
I get it.
It's a ritual

254
00:10:13,902 --> 00:10:16,437
that you shared with your father.
Exactly.

255
00:10:16,438 --> 00:10:18,172
It's a little tribute
to my pop.

256
00:10:18,173 --> 00:10:20,241
Well, you enjoy it.
Okay.

257
00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:25,746
- Oh, my God.
- Is it good?

258
00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:29,382
No.

259
00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:31,618
Not at all.

260
00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,755
Very disappointing, in fact.

261
00:10:34,756 --> 00:10:36,623
I mean, I'm going to finish it,

262
00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:38,158
because I don't... I don't
like to be wasteful,

263
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,926
but this is not a good dog.

264
00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:42,561
Not at all.

265
00:10:42,562 --> 00:10:44,596
Thanks for sparing my feelings.

266
00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:45,865
Just enjoy your hot dog.

267
00:10:45,866 --> 00:10:49,135
Aw, thank you.

268
00:10:49,136 --> 00:10:50,335
Mm-Hmm.

269
00:10:53,006 --> 00:10:54,907
Whoo!

270
00:10:56,776 --> 00:11:00,611
Man, look at the two of them
down there in my seats.

271
00:11:00,612 --> 00:11:03,347
Man, I almost caught pneumonia
getting those tickets,

272
00:11:03,348 --> 00:11:06,450
and here I am stuck in the
bleachers.

273
00:11:06,451 --> 00:11:09,720
As a true cub fan, I believe
the bleachers provide the best

274
00:11:09,721 --> 00:11:12,856
vantage point to fully appreciate
and experience the game.

275
00:11:12,857 --> 00:11:14,258
Uh-huh.

276
00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:17,661
Plus, you can reach up and grab
a bird or touch an airplane.

277
00:11:17,662 --> 00:11:19,695
You're exaggerating for effect,

278
00:11:19,696 --> 00:11:22,398
but I did see a pigeon fly
into a guy's eye one time.

279
00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:24,533
It was against
St. Louis, 1995.

280
00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:27,103
I was sitting exactly where
I'm sitting right now.

281
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,906
I'm also wearing
the same pants.

282
00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:30,907
(Bat striking ball)

283
00:11:30,908 --> 00:11:32,909
(Cheering)

284
00:11:32,910 --> 00:11:34,777
Come on!

285
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,048
Let me ask you, if the bleacher
seats are so good, why are you

286
00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:42,918
staring at that little tv
instead of looking at the field?

287
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,986
I enjoy the color commentary

288
00:11:44,987 --> 00:11:48,056
and the humorous
anecdotes about the players.

289
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:51,425
Are you gonna be this confrontational
throughout the entire game?

290
00:11:51,426 --> 00:11:54,228
I'm sorry, I'm a little on edge.
I've been coming to opening day

291
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:56,297
for five years with my best
friend and this year

292
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,598
he decided to bring his
girlfriend.

293
00:11:58,599 --> 00:12:03,137
Ouch. But way cool to have a
buddy with a girlfriend, right?

294
00:12:03,138 --> 00:12:04,238
Up high.

295
00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:05,572
Down low, too slow.

296
00:12:05,573 --> 00:12:07,340
(Chuckling)

297
00:12:10,911 --> 00:12:13,386
When my dad and I would
always go to the games,

298
00:12:13,387 --> 00:12:14,881
it was my job to keep score.

299
00:12:14,882 --> 00:12:17,450
I always thought he did it to
help me learn math,

300
00:12:17,451 --> 00:12:20,786
but I think now it's because he
was too hammered to hold a pen.

301
00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:23,889
Oh, wave, wave, wave!

302
00:12:23,890 --> 00:12:26,578
Come on, people!

303
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,426
Represent!

304
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:33,498
Wow, I had no idea you
were such a baseball fan.

305
00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,667
Well, if you didn't fall asleep
after we had sex,

306
00:12:35,668 --> 00:12:38,237
you might learn a
thing or two about me.

307
00:12:38,238 --> 00:12:39,270
Hot-Cha!

308
00:12:39,271 --> 00:12:41,572
I'm busting your stones.

309
00:12:41,573 --> 00:12:43,040
You should've worn a cup.

310
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,475
Maybe I can borrow yours.

311
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:46,410
Hot-Cha!

312
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:48,579
Hey... (Chuckles)

313
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:51,315
Thanks for bringing
me today, Mike.

314
00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:54,651
I forgot how much I loved
coming to these games.

315
00:12:54,652 --> 00:12:56,686
I'm glad you're here.

316
00:12:56,687 --> 00:12:59,555
The minute I cleared the
turnstile, I was just...

317
00:12:59,556 --> 00:13:02,959
Flooded with so many memories.

318
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,896
(Voice breaks): Some of the best
times my dad and I ever had

319
00:13:05,897 --> 00:13:08,198
were right here in
this ballpark.

320
00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:11,300
(Sniffling)
All right, sweetie, it's okay.

321
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:14,236
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
This is good.

322
00:13:14,237 --> 00:13:16,372
My dad was the best, you know?

323
00:13:16,373 --> 00:13:19,541
If I'd have known I had
such little time with him...

324
00:13:19,542 --> 00:13:21,911
C'mon, mol, hold it together.

325
00:13:21,912 --> 00:13:25,080
(Sobbing loudly)

326
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:29,683
She's a little upset.

327
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,585
She thought it was
bobble-head day.

328
00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:42,696
Well, looks like Molly's

329
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,300
honoring her dad
with a frosty malt.

330
00:13:46,301 --> 00:13:48,268
Mmm.

331
00:13:48,269 --> 00:13:51,038
Nothing like
a ballpark hot dog, huh?

332
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,975
Mmm, it's like heaven wrapped
in a pig intestine.

333
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:58,412
Normally I would share,

334
00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,613
but your loudmouth friend
ate half my nachos,

335
00:14:01,614 --> 00:14:05,151
and contrary to popular opinion,
I'm not the food fairy.

336
00:14:06,886 --> 00:14:09,588
No, I'm set.
I got my carrot sticks.

337
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:12,891
Fresh off the
grill of mother Earth.

338
00:14:12,892 --> 00:14:17,362
If you already have a girlfriend,
why are you still on a diet?

339
00:14:17,363 --> 00:14:20,065
Getting a girlfriend doesn't
eliminate your problems.

340
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,633
You still gotta watch what you
eat. The key is discipline.

341
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:29,374
I am all about discipline.
That's why I got into <i>karate.</i>

342
00:14:29,375 --> 00:14:32,276
It provides me both mental
and physical balance.

343
00:14:32,277 --> 00:14:36,280
Uh-huh. Plus, an excuse to walk
around in drawstring pajamas.

344
00:14:36,281 --> 00:14:39,984
Believe me, a black belt isn't that
impressive when it's 52 inches long.

345
00:14:41,486 --> 00:14:45,055
Ah, well played, sensei.

346
00:14:45,056 --> 00:14:46,490
Hey, pass it down.

347
00:14:51,795 --> 00:14:53,463
Hey, pal,
you gonna pass it or what?

348
00:14:53,464 --> 00:14:56,599
Is it against the law for a man
to smell a hot dog?

349
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,766
(Bat strikes ball)

350
00:14:57,767 --> 00:15:01,170
(Cheering)

351
00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:05,740
(Sobbing): I just always thought
my dad would be there, you know?

352
00:15:05,741 --> 00:15:10,245
To watch me graduate from High School,
or give me away at my wedding.

353
00:15:10,246 --> 00:15:11,513
But you're lucky.

354
00:15:11,514 --> 00:15:13,448
At least you got some good
memories of your dad.

355
00:15:13,449 --> 00:15:17,085
My old man had to work two jobs just to
make ends meet, and I never saw him.

356
00:15:17,086 --> 00:15:18,686
Ever?

357
00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:21,055
Well, if I didn't see his shoes,
I knew he was at work.

358
00:15:21,056 --> 00:15:23,957
And if I did see his shoes, I knew I
had to be quiet 'cause he was asleep.

359
00:15:23,958 --> 00:15:27,361
Oh, that's terrible.

360
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:31,865
Do you know I never got to see
one baseball game with him?

361
00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:36,236
Share some peanuts,
catch a foul ball.

362
00:15:36,237 --> 00:15:39,939
That's probably why I make such
a big deal out of opening day.

363
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,941
I get it. You are...

364
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:45,445
You and Mike are doing something that
you never got to do with your dad.

365
00:15:45,446 --> 00:15:49,282
And I intruded on
that, didn't I?

366
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,151
Yeah, little bit.

367
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,688
I'm so sorry, Carl.

368
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,190
It's all right.

369
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,892
You didn't know any better.

370
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,327
(Bat strikes ball)

371
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,263
(Cheering)

372
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:10,234
Oh, my God,
what an amazing day.

373
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:12,703
It's just, like...
Been cathartic, you know?

374
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:16,107
You should come on floppy
hat or foam finger day.

375
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,377
The vibe is palpable.

376
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,646
May I interest a lovely lady
in a nice draft beer?

377
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,848
Oh, no, thank you, I'm fine.

378
00:16:25,849 --> 00:16:29,152
And taken, by the way.

379
00:16:29,153 --> 00:16:30,420
Oh, thank goodness.

380
00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:33,390
Getting a little tired
of holding my stomach in.

381
00:16:38,762 --> 00:16:42,164
My boyfriend was the one
sitting up here earlier.

382
00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:44,066
The portly gent with
the carrot sticks,

383
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:48,237
or the African-American
who scarfed my nachos?

384
00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:50,539
The cute one with the carrots.

385
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,774
Hmm, he did mention something
about having a girlfriend.

386
00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:55,477
But these bleachers
are full of guys

387
00:16:55,478 --> 00:17:00,281
claiming to have girlfriends...
And their own cars.

388
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:07,522
Well, he actually has both.

389
00:17:07,523 --> 00:17:10,992
I certainly can't
compete with that.

390
00:17:10,993 --> 00:17:13,860
Is it true he lost
three pounds last week?

391
00:17:13,861 --> 00:17:15,229
Yeah, it is.

392
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:19,099
Man, it comes so
easy to the winners.

393
00:17:23,004 --> 00:17:24,704
Carl, I'm sure your dad loved
you, but he

394
00:17:24,705 --> 00:17:26,540
had to work
and provide for your family.

395
00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:29,642
I realize that, but I missed so many
moments with him because he wasn't there.

396
00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:32,778
Hey, my dad was there and we
never talked to each other.

397
00:17:32,779 --> 00:17:35,014
We must've gone to 50
ball games together

398
00:17:35,015 --> 00:17:36,682
and didn't say two
words to one another.

399
00:17:36,683 --> 00:17:38,484
That's horrible!
Yeah.

400
00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:40,753
And every time I did
try to talk to him,

401
00:17:40,754 --> 00:17:44,022
he'd buy me a hot dog
just to shut me up.

402
00:17:44,023 --> 00:17:47,325
You know, once I asked him if
he really loved my mom. Mm-Hmm.

403
00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:49,761
He bought me two chili
dogs, a piece of pizza

404
00:17:49,762 --> 00:17:52,364
and a bucket of chicken
on the ride home.

405
00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,432
And that's probably
why you eat like you do.

406
00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:56,280
Because you're stuffing
your emotions down,

407
00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:58,002
because your daddy
wouldn't talk to you.

408
00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:00,504
You're right.

409
00:18:00,505 --> 00:18:03,374
But not anymore.
The cycle ends here.

410
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,409
I'm proud of you, man.

411
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:07,711
You know what, I'm calling my
dad in Scottsdale

412
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:11,515
right now and I'm telling
him that I forgive him.

413
00:18:11,516 --> 00:18:13,284
Look at me, Carl.

414
00:18:13,285 --> 00:18:16,586
It's the ninth inning, and I
have not had one hot dog.

415
00:18:16,587 --> 00:18:17,987
You want everything
on it, big guy?

416
00:18:17,988 --> 00:18:20,756
Walk away! Walk away! Walk away!

417
00:18:20,757 --> 00:18:23,159
Dad, it's Carlton...

418
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,160
(Bat strikes ball)

419
00:18:24,161 --> 00:18:25,595
(Cheering)

420
00:18:25,596 --> 00:18:27,830
Hey!

421
00:18:27,831 --> 00:18:30,966
Foul ball. Hey!

422
00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:33,802
That did not just happen.

423
00:18:35,805 --> 00:18:37,339
Hey, dad, guess what?

424
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,508
I just caught a foul ball!

425
00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:42,744
Yeah!

426
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:46,998
The bad news is, the Cubs lost.

427
00:18:46,999 --> 00:18:48,533
Good news is, Mike Biggs won.

428
00:18:49,514 --> 00:18:52,449
I got through opening day
without gaining a pound.

429
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,852
Now if I could just get past
Easter, Memorial Day

430
00:18:54,853 --> 00:18:56,820
and fourth of July,
I should be fine

431
00:18:56,821 --> 00:19:00,423
until the Halloween candy hits
the shelves.

432
00:19:00,424 --> 00:19:02,758
But one day at a time.
Thank you.

433
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,498
Nice speech.
Humorous, yet heartfelt.

434
00:19:08,499 --> 00:19:09,932
Glad you made it.

435
00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:12,001
You've inspired me to
take control of my life.

436
00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:14,403
Well, if I can do it,
you can do it, too.

437
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,906
I'm cautiously optimistic.

438
00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:18,974
Attendees:
Hi, Joe.

439
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:22,210
So, is this it for the chicks,

440
00:19:22,211 --> 00:19:25,013
or do more show up when
the cookies are laid out?

441
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:28,016
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com

