1
00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:04,633
Barney, I'm afraid this is good-bye.
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:09,141
Your buzz-kill of a ma thinks
I'm a "bad influence" on you.
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:10,709
What? That's...
4
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:14,644
What is that word you taught me?
"Bull" something?
5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,716
But she's your mother, and I'm...
6
00:00:16,816 --> 00:00:19,649
Well, I'm just your Uncle Jerry...
7
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,744
so this is the last time I can see you.
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,655
But you were supposed to take me
to see that Zeppelin cover band next week.
9
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:30,696
The night is gonna be... "Led-engery."
10
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:32,492
Sorry, buddy, but this is it.
11
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,430
But don't you forget your training.
12
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,559
What's a magician's best friend?
13
00:00:36,669 --> 00:00:39,103
- A drunk audience.
- Attaboy.
14
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,436
You still got that button
from the festival we went to?
15
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:48,814
Now...
16
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:52,180
I'm gonna put this
right inside your brain behind your ear...
17
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,117
so that I'll know
that you won't forget me.
18
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,525
See ya, buddy.
19
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,594
And hey.
20
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:06,358
Never... stop... partying.
21
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,129
Kids, in 1983...
22
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,899
Barney watched his father
walk out of his life.
23
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,738
And in 2011, when their first
reunion ended badly...
24
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:20,369
I'd love nothing more
than to be a part of your life.
25
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,914
this time it was Barney
who did the walking.
26
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,142
Bye.
27
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:25,877
And that was almost the end of it...
28
00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:27,919
except a few weeks later...
29
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,479
I am so angry at my dad!
30
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,456
Guess who called me today.
31
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,755
Go on, guess.
32
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,057
- Your dad?
- My dad!
33
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:40,291
Barney Stinson.
34
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,992
Hi, Barney. It's your dad.
35
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,128
Look, would you like to go fishing
with me and J.J. on Sunday morning?
36
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,934
Ooh, hold on. Let me check my personality.
37
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,601
Oh, no. Turns out I would never do that
in a million years.
38
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:53,235
Barney, look, I know
you're disappointed...
39
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:57,908
that your dad is just a boring
old driving instructor from the suburbs...
40
00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:01,384
but that guy I used to be... "Crazy Jerry"...
41
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,955
he was bad news.
42
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,752
Drinking, partying, sleeping around.
43
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,056
The party can't go on forever.
44
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:12,757
You're 35. I'm sure you're starting
to realize that, right?
45
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,461
You do not know how right you are.
46
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:17,866
Zero right!
47
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,996
We're not getting too old for anything.
48
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,700
You sure? I feel like we collectively
learn the opposite lesson...
49
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,436
like, at least once a year.
50
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,911
I have to face an ugly truth.
51
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:31,313
Jerry Whitaker, my own father...
52
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:33,146
is anti-awesometic.
53
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:37,153
I know Crazy Jerry's
still in there somewhere...
54
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:42,126
but he's trapped under 20 years of lawn
mower parties and carpool barbecues.
55
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,719
Wow, you know nothing about the suburbs.
56
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:48,699
Well, this Saturday night,
I am busting him out.
57
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:52,430
I'm gonna make Jerry realize
he was wrong about giving up his old life...
58
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:57,272
by showing him
the awesomest night of all time.
59
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,175
And for the awesomest night of all time...
60
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,841
I'm going to need
the awesomest friends of all time.
61
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,416
Okay, who do I know?
62
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,724
Guys.
63
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,322
Do any of you know George Clooney?
64
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,324
Okay, my dad's almost here.
65
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:22,401
I need everything to be as awesome
as possible tonight.
66
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,026
That's why you brought these guys!
67
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,604
No.
68
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,866
That's why I brought these guys.
69
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:31,000
I've made some minor improvements
to your identities.
70
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,839
Uh, you'll find them on these cards.
71
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,243
- Improvements?
- Yeah.
72
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,076
Bro, we are already...
73
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:40,949
the four jiggidy-jammiest dudes
and dudettes this side of...
74
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,521
Okay, let's see the cards.
75
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:46,183
Robin, no one watches the news
unless it's a car chase or a nip slip.
76
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,556
You are now a professional scotch taster.
77
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:49,685
Mmm!
78
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,024
Lily, Jerry needs to learn...
79
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,223
that other lifestyles are
just as fulfilling as monogamy...
80
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,631
so now you and Marshall
are in an open marriage.
81
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,862
- Ooh!
- Gross!
82
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,201
Also, Marshall,
you can't just be unemployed...
83
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:03,867
so you are now a gin-swilling,
womanizing playwright.
84
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,105
And, Ted, just be yourself.
85
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,415
Just kidding.
86
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,076
Here's a giant pile of topics
you should avoid talking about.
87
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,882
Wow. Well, this could actually be fun.
88
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,753
In fact, I believe
it was Oscar Wilde who said...
89
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,053
"Man is least himself when he talks"...
90
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,821
- Ted, card.
- Uh, you're right.
91
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,794
"No quoting Oscar Wilde."
92
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,990
Finally, Robin, you're dating Ted.
93
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,625
Oh, man!
94
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,601
Why?
95
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:34,605
I can't have any single
female friends lying around.
96
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,572
My dad'll be all,
"Why don't you marry Robin?
97
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:38,166
You guys were cute together.
98
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,610
Deep down you know you were never
happier than when you were with her."
99
00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:43,079
Uh, no, thanks.
100
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:46,083
Hey, Barney,
love the new identities. Little thing...
101
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,380
Instead of being a naked super ninja...
102
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,685
can I be Meryl Streep
in The Devil Wears Prada?
103
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,918
How good was that movie?
104
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,494
- So good!
- Adrian Grenier!
105
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,861
And... hence new identities.
106
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,595
And so, Barney's dad finally showed up.
107
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:06,467
Jerry, you remember Marshall.
He's a well-known writer.
108
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,597
Playwright. We're all writers.
109
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,506
Just some of us don't know
what our story is yet.
110
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,703
Lily, his wife.
111
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,280
Well, most nights.
112
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,941
Mama don't let no ring
get in the way of a good time.
113
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,814
That's a little depressing.
114
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,614
Uh, hi again. Ted.
115
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,689
Oh, and, Jerry, uh,
you remember my girlfriend.
116
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,281
Robin. Hi. So nice to see you again.
117
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:29,520
Wait, wait.
Jerry, I gotta tell you the truth.
118
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,529
Guys, I'm gonna tell him.
119
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:34,862
- We're also a band.
- Two, three, fourl
120
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,277
Ow! Yeah!
121
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,006
So, Saturday night!
122
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,676
Time to cut loose, right?
123
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:55,515
Who wants to split a beer?
124
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:57,980
Oh, we're not drinking here.
125
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,752
Tonight we're going big. Let's see.
126
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,793
What club should we hit first?
127
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,158
There's Club Was. There's Wrong.
128
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:06,390
Um, those places shut down
a long time ago.
129
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,194
- Oh, no.
- Oh No shut down too.
130
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,734
- There's Where.
- Where's Where?
131
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,201
Where's where Was was, isn't it?
132
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,534
No, Was wasn't where Where was.
Was was where Wrong was.
133
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:14,663
- Right?
- Okay.
134
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,605
Not Okay. That place is lame.
135
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:19,678
Okay is Lame? I thought Lame
was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong?
136
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,440
That's wrong. That's Not Wrong.
137
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,879
- Guys, focus.
- I like Focus. Let's go there.
138
00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:25,575
- Where?
- Not Where, Focus.
139
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,084
I thought Focus was closed.
140
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,653
No, Was was closed.
141
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,689
Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed.
142
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,621
- So Closed is open.
- No, Closed is closed.
143
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,886
I don't know! Third base! Right?
144
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,189
Ew, Third Base is all frat guys.
145
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:40,424
- I'll go anyplace, okay?
- Not Okay. Okay is lame.
146
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,024
Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar.
147
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,263
- Guys, shut up.
- No, Shut Up shut down.
148
00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:48,238
I can't believe I don't know
the clubs anymore.
149
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,241
Guys, just pick a club. Okay?
150
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,176
- Not Okay!
- Okay is lame!
151
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,372
Gay bar!
152
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,348
For the record, um, I was
in there once by accident.
153
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,386
I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "La-may."
154
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,552
It's Hopeless, isn't it?
155
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:06,750
Wow.
156
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:09,259
A lot of these girls are young enough
to be our daughters.
157
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,796
I know. Daddy's home.
158
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,890
And Granddaddy's home!
159
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,730
Tonight rocks so hard!
160
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,066
I might be allergic to this stamp.
161
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,576
Oh, my God. My secret crush is here.
162
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,145
Mila Kunis?
163
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:29,476
No, my secret crush.
164
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,074
We met a few years ago.
165
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,012
Hi. I could use a woman's opinion.
166
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,853
Is this workin' for me?
167
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,427
Uh, no.
168
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,519
The only good thing about
how ugly that shirt is...
169
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:48,031
is that it distracts from
how terribly it fits you.
170
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,769
I was trying on the pants.
171
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,600
Oh.
172
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,436
I had to leave before we could
finish talking, so that was it.
173
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,271
You know, ever since then, I've always...
174
00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,639
Oh, my God. He's coming over.
175
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,144
Oh, hello.
176
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:02,839
- Hi.
- Hi.
177
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:05,509
A few years ago at a department store,
did you embarrass the hell out of me?
178
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,108
Oh, I'm sorry.
179
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,781
You must have me confused
with the shirt you were wearing that day.
180
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,949
I should be so lucky.
181
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,392
Hi. I'm Ted. Robin's boyfriend!
182
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,192
- Nice to meet you.
- Right.
183
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,630
Um, really nice to see you again.
184
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,463
- Mmm, you too.
- Yeah.
185
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,298
You owe me one.
186
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,701
Dad, isn't this place great?
187
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,004
Uh, I don't know. l-It's so loud!
188
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,238
And so bourgeois!
189
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,315
Many of my plays are about the bourgeois.
190
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,046
And ennui.
191
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,312
And one rock opera...
192
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,583
about a frozen-yogurt shop.
193
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,591
Uh, Lily, uh, talk
about your open marriage.
194
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:55,065
Okay. Well, after a long day
of style meetings and photo shoots...
195
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,294
and being way too mean to my assistant...
196
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,395
I sometimes bang an underwear model.
197
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:01,165
My goodness.
198
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,935
I sleep around too.
199
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,033
Just as much. A little more even.
200
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,635
Oh, uh, only 'cause
you have nothing to do all day.
201
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,271
Are we having this fight again?
202
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,179
Writing plays is a real job!
203
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,685
I work 90 hours a week
subsidizing your "real job."
204
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:18,188
- I won a Tony!
- I brought French cooking to America!
205
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,092
- What?
- Let's do shots!
206
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,888
Uh, no, thank you, Barney.
207
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,463
I have that fishing trip
with J.J. early tomorrow.
208
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,033
- I better take it easy.
- No!
209
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,432
Don't you remember
what you said to me when I was a kid?
210
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,868
"Never stop partying!"
211
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,964
I said that? To a six-year-old?
212
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,366
I don't remember that.
213
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:41,640
You don't remember the last thing you
said to me when I was a kid?
214
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:45,810
You know, why don't you just go back home?
215
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,545
But I want to hang out with you.
216
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,553
Yeah, well, I want to hang out
with Crazy Jerry...
217
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,123
not Stay-At-Home Jerome.
218
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,293
Fine.
219
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:55,951
You want Crazy Jerry?
220
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:10,167
There! You got him!
221
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:18,073
I apologize. It might take
a few minutes to kick in.
222
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:24,587
Hey, sugar!
223
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,681
Five beers for the table...
224
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,521
a Seven and Seven for me...
225
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,755
and your 10 digits for this guy here!
226
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:35,129
Tonight Crazy Jerry
gonna burn this disco down!
227
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,429
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
228
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:40,437
Can you believe it? This is awesome!
229
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,973
Barney, how is that awesome?
230
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:50,041
I finally know what it's like
to be embarrassed by my dad.
231
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,550
So, you really believe...
232
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,552
that if we were in an open marriage...
233
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,781
that you would do better than me?
234
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:59,119
Hey, you do better than me
at a lot of other things.
235
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:03,628
Like... digesting dairy
and reaching for stuff.
236
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,890
Okay, you know what? Game on.
237
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,365
If I can score five numbers
before you can...
238
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:11,800
then we have sex in the bathroom.
239
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,566
But if you can score
five numbers before me...
240
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,302
then we have sex in the bathroom.
241
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,071
So our usual wager?
242
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,645
Deal.
243
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,779
Hey, uh... Hey, Jerry.
244
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,715
You, you really wanna
be out here like this?
245
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,014
Oh, sorry,
small town preacher from the Midwest.
246
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:31,851
Is there a law against dancing?
247
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,720
No, of course not. I just...
248
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,293
Oh, this club blows!
249
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,294
Let's hit the greatest party in the world...
250
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,988
the streets of New York!
251
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,032
- Yeah!
- Yes! Let's do it!
252
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,829
Maybe fix the tie.
253
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,460
But mostly party!
254
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,400
Okay, Jerry's gone. Let's break up.
255
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,975
Okay.
256
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,773
I would've stolen you a whole orchestra.
There. What's the rush?
257
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,279
Well, that guy who came over here
who thinks we're dating...
258
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,873
I kinda have a crush on him.
Can you help me clear it up?
259
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,851
Really? That guy? He was like a four.
260
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:03,251
A four?
261
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,983
God, you are like
the worst judge of guys ever.
262
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:09,459
If he is a four, what are you?
263
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,521
Hey, I'm not perfect.
I'm an eight... and a half.
264
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,532
You're a doofus and a half.
265
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,226
Fine. Let's go talk to him.
266
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,270
Where'd you meet this booger-eater anyway?
267
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,532
Uh, at a close-out sale at Dawes.
268
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,370
Oh, really? I remember that sale.
269
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,375
Hey, Robin.
270
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,105
Oh, Ted. Oh, no.
271
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,805
Look what I just bought.
272
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:32,042
Right? Right?
273
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:34,415
Hold on. We were dating then.
274
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,320
I specifically remember
because we had great sex that ni...
275
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,392
Great sex.
276
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,620
Mmm. Let me guess.
277
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,958
Someone wants to knock boots.
278
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,167
Boots.
279
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,465
Just take off your damn shirt. Okay.
280
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,232
All right.
281
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,807
- Oh, oh, stop.
- What?
282
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,375
Stop. Perfect.
283
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,239
But I can't see, and you can't see me.
284
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,906
Yeah. Yeah, just like that.
285
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,142
You were picturing your crush!
286
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,481
Well, somebody had to...
287
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,887
Okay. Okay. Answer me this.
288
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:16,553
Are you absolutely sure
it had nothing whatsoever...
289
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,459
to do with the boots?
290
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,861
Yes.
291
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:23,167
You hear that everybody? She said yes!
292
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,863
We're getting married!
293
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,462
I love this girl.
I'm never letting her go.
294
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,098
Mmm!
295
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:37,307
Hey. Bottoms up, amigo!
296
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,682
After that, Barney's
memory of the night got a little hazy.
297
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:43,448
You wanna fight me?
298
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,015
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
299
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,721
You don't even... know.
300
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,627
Hey, hey, hey! Here we go!
301
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,540
Look what I just ripped out of the ground!
302
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,501
I just puked on the hood of that...
303
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,910
police car.
304
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:15,120
Too bad your playwright friend
isn't a lawyer.
305
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:23,352
Barney, I'm so sorry.
306
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:26,920
I'm afraid this is what it's like
hanging out with Crazy Jerry.
307
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,467
It's okay, Dad.
308
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:34,835
I never thought tonight
would be so awesomel
309
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,965
So, next stop... strip club.
310
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,543
The Lusty Leopard has a special...
311
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:42,842
- Oh, for corn's sake, Barney, I'm not drunk!
- What?
312
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,781
I told you I don't party anymore,
and you wouldn't take no for an answer.
313
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,813
So...
314
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:51,946
I used a little sleight of hand...
315
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,960
to make you think otherwise.
316
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,723
- Here ya go.
- Whoa!
317
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,459
Bottoms up, amigo!
318
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,961
But all those crazy things you did.
319
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:10,405
You happen to remember
what a magician's best friend is?
320
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,402
A drunk audience.
321
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:16,811
You wanna fight me?
322
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,249
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
323
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:25,046
You don't even... know.
324
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:26,089
I can't...
325
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,720
Look.
326
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:31,057
Look what I just ripped out of the ground!
327
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,028
No!
328
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,428
What just happened?
329
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:40,061
I just puked on the hood of that...
330
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,435
police car.
331
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,409
But why do all those things?
332
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:52,280
I figured if I showed you what
"never stop partying" really looked like...
333
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:55,080
you'd realize you can't do it forever.
334
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,482
Oh, well.
335
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:05,158
You lied to me all night
for your own selfish reasons?
336
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,227
Daddy!
337
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:12,734
I wanted to hang out with you.
You're my son.
338
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:16,433
And since you didn't want to come
with me and J.J. on that fishing trip...
339
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,738
Fishing trip.
340
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,972
I'll never make it back in time now.
341
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,909
Hey, you know,
a pretty good magician like you...
342
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:32,286
probably knows how to, say,
get out of a standard set of handcuffs.
343
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,222
Perhaps.
344
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,658
Well, here's something you didn't know.
345
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:41,062
I'm a pretty good magician too.
346
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:48,034
- Abracadabra!
- Hoo-hoo!
347
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,836
- Congratulations.
- Oh, hey! Thank you so much.
348
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,139
We're super excited. We're thinking June.
349
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:55,543
Yeah. Okay.
350
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:57,740
Okay, jerk.
351
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,580
Do you remember how you ended up buying
those red cowboy boots?
352
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,816
Wow. Wardrobe malfunction
at the O.K. Corral.
353
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:07,255
I mean, who in their right mind
would ever...
354
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,987
You would look so totally hot in those.
355
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:13,155
Do you have these in a size 11?
356
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,723
So get off the field at the Superdome,
because you ain't no Saint.
357
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:19,668
Hello.
358
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,069
- I have...
- Oh!
359
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,641
Hi, Robin.
360
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:26,971
Could I have your phone number?
361
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,513
- We need someplace to hide.
- Where?
362
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,880
No, Jerry. This is not the time
to go to another club.
363
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:36,386
We've gotta get you back home
in time for that trip.
364
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:39,389
There's no more trains. There's no cabs.
365
00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:43,018
Well, I do have
a few driving students in the city.
366
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,394
- Step on it!
- Do not step on it.
367
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:47,192
- Jerry, we have got to get you home...
- 10:00 and 2:00.
368
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,766
in time for that fishing trip!
369
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,926
- The laws are there to...
- This is no time for laws!
370
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:52,697
- Buckle up, Barney.
- I'm not going to buckle up!
371
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,966
I am your father! You will listen to me!
372
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,740
Hey, how's the open marriage going?
373
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,370
Who was the first to get to five numbers?
374
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:06,076
I won that race.
My prize... sex in the bathroom.
375
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,710
And I won that race.
376
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:14,158
Sorry that secret crush
didn't work out for you.
377
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:15,726
Oh, it's okay.
378
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,455
- I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
- Mmm.
379
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,054
Why are you smiling?
380
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,564
I don't know.
381
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,134
Good night.
382
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,492
Saw that girl again.
383
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,572
And guess what? She's engaged.
384
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,368
So that's the end of that.
385
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,841
It wasn't the end that. More on that later.
386
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,242
And her fiancé? The guy's like a two.
387
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,678
How did you do it?
388
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,253
Do what?
389
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,914
How did you become this?
390
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:47,753
I mean, I love my life, but...
391
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,693
I'm not sure I like loving it.
392
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,263
Sure, strip clubs...
393
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:53,661
You're drifting.
394
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,357
Hey, I'm trying to open up to you.
395
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,799
No, Mrs. Perkins, you're drifting!
396
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,432
Go on, Barney.
397
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,343
When I think about going
for anything more than that...
398
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:08,470
I look at my life and who I am, and...
399
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,851
I'm too far gone.
400
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,313
I'm broken.
401
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,416
Son...
402
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:24,292
I was far more broken than you'll ever be,
and look at me now.
403
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,988
Don't get me wrong.
404
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,466
Settling down is a challenge.
405
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,696
It's the biggest challenge of your life.
406
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,567
So how do you do it?
407
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:38,408
A magician never
reveals his greatest trick.
408
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:41,545
But I'll give you a hint.
409
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,842
You gotta meet the right girl.
410
00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:48,252
Who knows?
411
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,685
Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
412
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,989
Maybe I've met her already.
413
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,919
And park. And emergency brake.
414
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,931
I did have a good time tonight.
415
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,367
And, hey, if you wanna go fishing,
we got room in the boat.
416
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:07,865
Maybe some other time.
417
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,065
Okay.
418
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:11,739
Oh, and, uh...
419
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:15,936
thanks for taking such good care of this.
420
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,176
It means a lot to me
that you kept it safe all these years.
421
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,064
I'm going fishing with my dad.
422
00:20:57,956 --> 00:20:59,548
This...
423
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,895
sucks.
424
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:34,826
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