1
00:00:02,215 --> 00:00:05,316
Barney, afraid this
is good-bye.
2
00:00:05,323 --> 00:00:07,190
Your buzz kill of a ma
3
00:00:07,192 --> 00:00:09,386
thinks I'm a... a bad
influence on you.
4
00:00:09,411 --> 00:00:10,611
What? That's...
5
00:00:10,891 --> 00:00:12,457
What is that word you taught me?
6
00:00:12,459 --> 00:00:14,726
"Bull" something?
7
00:00:14,728 --> 00:00:16,545
But she's your
mother and I'm...
8
00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:18,930
you know, I'm just
your Uncle Jerry.
9
00:00:18,932 --> 00:00:21,350
So, this is the last
time I can see you.
10
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,835
But you're supposed to
take me to see
11
00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:25,837
that Zeppelin cover band
next week.
12
00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:28,340
The night is gonna be...
13
00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:30,776
Led-and-Jerry.
14
00:00:30,778 --> 00:00:32,611
Sorry, buddy,
but this is it.
15
00:00:32,613 --> 00:00:35,013
But don't you forget
your training.
16
00:00:35,015 --> 00:00:36,732
What's a magician's best friend?
17
00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:37,816
A drunk audience.
18
00:00:37,818 --> 00:00:39,184
Attaboy.
19
00:00:39,186 --> 00:00:42,738
You still got that button
from the festival we went to?
20
00:00:46,893 --> 00:00:50,195
Now... I'm gonna put this
21
00:00:50,197 --> 00:00:52,197
right inside your brain,
behind your ear...
22
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,435
so that I'll know that
you won't forget me.
23
00:00:58,171 --> 00:00:59,337
See you, buddy.
24
00:01:00,539 --> 00:01:02,741
And hey...
25
00:01:02,743 --> 00:01:06,678
Never... stop... partying.
26
00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:12,484
Kids, in 1983,
Barney watched his father
27
00:01:12,486 --> 00:01:13,952
walk out of his life.
28
00:01:13,954 --> 00:01:17,689
And in 2011, when their
first reunion ended badly...
29
00:01:17,691 --> 00:01:20,358
I'd love nothing more
than to be a part of your life.
30
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,227
This time it was Barney
who did the walking.
31
00:01:22,229 --> 00:01:23,528
Bye.
32
00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:26,164
And that was almost
the end of it.
33
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,100
Except, a few weeks later...
34
00:01:28,102 --> 00:01:31,636
I am so angry at my dad!
35
00:01:31,638 --> 00:01:33,572
Guess who called me today.
36
00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:35,907
Go on, guess.
Mmm.
37
00:01:35,909 --> 00:01:38,243
Your dad?
My dad!
38
00:01:38,245 --> 00:01:40,445
Barney Stinson.
39
00:01:40,447 --> 00:01:41,747
Hi, Barney. It's your dad.
40
00:01:42,615 --> 00:01:43,682
Look, would you
like to go fishing
41
00:01:43,684 --> 00:01:45,283
with me and J.J.
on Sunday morning?
42
00:01:45,285 --> 00:01:48,186
Ooh, hold on, let me
check my personality.
43
00:01:48,188 --> 00:01:50,789
Oh, no. Turns out I would never
do that in a million years.
44
00:01:50,791 --> 00:01:52,724
Barney, look...
45
00:01:52,726 --> 00:01:55,060
I know you're disappointed
that your dad is just...
46
00:01:55,062 --> 00:01:57,929
a boring old driving instructor
from the suburbs.
47
00:01:57,931 --> 00:02:01,533
But that guy I used to be--
"Crazy Jerry"?
48
00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:03,468
He was bad news!
49
00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,904
Drinking, partying,
sleeping around.
50
00:02:05,906 --> 00:02:08,406
The party can't go on forever.
51
00:02:08,408 --> 00:02:11,409
You're 35; I'm-I'm sure
you're starting
52
00:02:11,411 --> 00:02:12,878
to realize that, right?
53
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,615
You do not know
how right you are.
54
00:02:16,617 --> 00:02:17,949
Zero right!
55
00:02:17,951 --> 00:02:20,585
We're not getting too old for anything.
You sure?
56
00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:23,088
I feel like we collectively
learn the opposite lesson,
57
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,589
like, at least once a year.
58
00:02:25,759 --> 00:02:27,793
I have to face an ugly truth.
59
00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:31,096
Jerry Whittaker, my own father,
60
00:02:31,098 --> 00:02:33,465
is anti-awesome-etic.
61
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,367
I know
62
00:02:35,369 --> 00:02:37,235
Crazy Jerry's still
in there somewhere,
63
00:02:37,237 --> 00:02:40,572
but he's trapped under 20 years
of lawnmower parties
64
00:02:40,574 --> 00:02:42,741
and carpool barbecues.
Wow,
65
00:02:42,743 --> 00:02:44,810
you know nothing
about the suburbs.
66
00:02:44,812 --> 00:02:47,813
Well, this Saturday night,
I am bustin' him out.
67
00:02:47,815 --> 00:02:48,880
I'm gonna
68
00:02:48,882 --> 00:02:50,649
make Jerry realize he was wrong
69
00:02:50,651 --> 00:02:53,552
about giving up his old life
by showing him
70
00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:56,788
the awesomest night
of all time.
71
00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:58,423
And for the awesomest night
72
00:02:58,425 --> 00:03:02,928
of all time, I'm going to need
the awesomest friends
73
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:04,162
of all time.
74
00:03:06,232 --> 00:03:07,833
Okay, who do I know?
75
00:03:11,404 --> 00:03:13,038
Guys...!
76
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,641
Do any of you know
George Clooney?
77
00:03:17,727 --> 00:03:19,110
Okay, my dad's almost here.
78
00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:20,412
I need everything to be
79
00:03:20,414 --> 00:03:22,531
as awesome as possible tonight.
80
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:24,049
That's why you
brought these guys.
81
00:03:24,051 --> 00:03:28,019
No. That's why
I brought these guys.
82
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:29,020
I've made some
83
00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,622
minor improvements
to your identities.
84
00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:31,756
Uh.
Mm!
85
00:03:31,758 --> 00:03:32,924
You'll find them
on these cards.
86
00:03:32,926 --> 00:03:33,992
Improvements?!
Yeah.
87
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:36,878
Bro, we are
already the four
88
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,498
jiggity-jamminest dudes
and dudettes this side of...
89
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,651
Okay, let's see the cards.
90
00:03:42,653 --> 00:03:44,102
Robin, no one watches the news
91
00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:46,338
unless it's a car chase
or a nip slip.
92
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:47,205
You are now
93
00:03:47,207 --> 00:03:48,723
a professional scotch taster.
94
00:03:48,725 --> 00:03:49,875
Mm!
95
00:03:49,877 --> 00:03:51,743
Lily, Jerry needs to learn
that other lifestyles
96
00:03:51,745 --> 00:03:53,311
are just as fulfilling
as monogamy,
97
00:03:53,313 --> 00:03:55,714
so now you and Marshall
are in an open marriage.
98
00:03:55,716 --> 00:03:57,983
Whoo-hoo!
Gross!
99
00:03:57,985 --> 00:04:00,385
Also, Marshall,
you can't just be unemployed,
100
00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:01,553
so you are now
101
00:04:01,555 --> 00:04:04,189
a gin-swilling,
womanizing playwright.
102
00:04:05,024 --> 00:04:07,425
And, Ted, just be yourself.
103
00:04:08,461 --> 00:04:10,061
Just kidding.
104
00:04:10,063 --> 00:04:13,198
Here's a giant pile of topics
you should avoid talking about.
105
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,433
Well. Well, this could
actually be fun.
106
00:04:15,435 --> 00:04:18,536
In fact, I believe it
was Oscar Wilde who said,
107
00:04:18,538 --> 00:04:21,172
"Man is least himself
when he talks..."
108
00:04:21,174 --> 00:04:22,340
Ted, card.
Ah.
109
00:04:22,342 --> 00:04:24,976
You're right--
"No quoting Oscar Wilde."
110
00:04:24,978 --> 00:04:26,478
Finally...
111
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,146
Robin, you're dating Ted.
112
00:04:28,148 --> 00:04:29,547
Aw, man!
113
00:04:29,549 --> 00:04:30,949
Why?
114
00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,183
I can't have
115
00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:33,985
any single female friends
lying around.
116
00:04:33,987 --> 00:04:36,488
My dad'll be all,
"Why don't you marry Robin?
117
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:37,989
"You guys are cute together.
Deep down, you know
118
00:04:37,991 --> 00:04:40,759
you were never happier
than when you were with her."
119
00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:41,860
Uh...
120
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:43,228
no, thanks.
121
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,030
Hey, Barney-- love
the new identities.
122
00:04:45,032 --> 00:04:48,266
Little thing-- instead of
being a naked super ninja,
123
00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:51,836
can I be Meryl Streep
in The Devil Wears Prada?
124
00:04:51,838 --> 00:04:54,105
How good was that movie?
Oh, my God.
125
00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:57,175
And...
126
00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,945
hence new identities.
127
00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:04,249
And so Barney's dad
finally showed up.
128
00:05:04,251 --> 00:05:06,551
Jerry, you remember Marshall--
he's a well-known writer.
129
00:05:06,553 --> 00:05:07,919
Playwright.
We're all writers,
130
00:05:07,921 --> 00:05:11,006
just some of us don't know
what our story is yet.
131
00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:13,791
Lily, his wife.
132
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:15,961
Well, most nights.
Mama don't let no ring
133
00:05:15,963 --> 00:05:18,029
get in the way of a good time.
134
00:05:18,031 --> 00:05:19,931
That's... a
little depressing.
135
00:05:19,933 --> 00:05:21,066
Uh, hi again.
136
00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:22,167
Ted. Oh, and, Jerry,
137
00:05:22,169 --> 00:05:24,319
you remember my girlfriend.
Robin. Hi.
138
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,471
So nice to see you again.
139
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:28,273
Wait, wait. Jerry,
140
00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:29,674
I got to tell you
the truth.
141
00:05:29,676 --> 00:05:30,875
Guys, I'm gonna tell him.
142
00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:33,311
We're also a band.
143
00:05:33,313 --> 00:05:34,946
Two, three, four!
144
00:05:34,948 --> 00:05:39,150
♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x21 ♪
Hopeless
Original Air Date on April 18, 2011
145
00:05:39,152 --> 00:05:40,835
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
146
00:05:40,837 --> 00:05:41,986
♪ Ba, ba, ba ♪
147
00:05:41,988 --> 00:05:45,824
♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
da, da, da, da, da! ♪
148
00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:48,625
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
149
00:05:48,627 --> 00:05:50,378
Ow! Yeah!
150
00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:53,831
So, Saturday night--
time to cut loose, right?
151
00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:55,633
Who wants to split a beer?
152
00:05:55,635 --> 00:05:57,335
Oh, we're not drinking here.
153
00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:58,970
Tonight we're going big.
154
00:05:58,972 --> 00:06:01,606
Let's see, what club
should we hit first?
155
00:06:01,608 --> 00:06:04,242
There's Club Was,
there's Wrong...
156
00:06:04,244 --> 00:06:06,578
Um, those places shut
down a long time ago.
157
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:07,245
Oh, no.
158
00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:08,279
Oh, No shut down, too.
159
00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:09,881
There's Where?
Where's Where?
160
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:11,349
Where's where Was
was, isn't it?
161
00:06:11,351 --> 00:06:14,119
No, Was wasn't where Where was,
Was was where Wrong was, right?
162
00:06:14,121 --> 00:06:16,221
Okay. Not Okay.
That place is lame.
163
00:06:16,223 --> 00:06:18,723
Okay is Lame?
I thought Lame was a gay bar.
164
00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:19,758
Or is that Wrong?
165
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,626
That's wrong.
That's not Wrong.
166
00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:22,560
Guys, focus.
167
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:24,028
Oh, I like Focus.
Let's go there.
168
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:25,730
Where?
Not Where. Focus.
169
00:06:25,732 --> 00:06:27,232
I thought Focus
was closed.
170
00:06:27,234 --> 00:06:28,400
No, Was was Closed.
171
00:06:28,402 --> 00:06:30,835
Once Was shut down,
it reopened as Closed.
172
00:06:30,837 --> 00:06:31,870
So Closed is open.
173
00:06:31,872 --> 00:06:32,771
No, Closed is closed.
174
00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:33,772
I don't know.
175
00:06:33,774 --> 00:06:35,540
Third base! Right?
176
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:37,375
Ew, Third Base
is all frat guys.
177
00:06:37,377 --> 00:06:38,543
I'll go anyplace, okay?
178
00:06:38,545 --> 00:06:40,578
Not Okay. Okay is lame.
179
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:41,730
Okay is not Lame.
180
00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:43,214
Lame is a gay bar.
181
00:06:43,216 --> 00:06:44,115
Guys, shut up.
182
00:06:44,117 --> 00:06:45,450
No, Shut up shut down.
183
00:06:45,452 --> 00:06:48,319
I can't believe I don't
know the clubs anymore.
184
00:06:48,321 --> 00:06:50,422
Guys, just pick
a club, okay?
185
00:06:50,424 --> 00:06:52,023
Not Okay!
186
00:06:52,025 --> 00:06:53,291
Okay is Lame!
187
00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:55,493
Gay bar.
188
00:06:55,495 --> 00:06:58,730
For the record, I was in
there once by accident.
189
00:06:58,732 --> 00:07:01,633
I'm pretty sure it's
pronounced Lamé.
190
00:07:01,635 --> 00:07:04,536
It's hopeless, isn't it?
191
00:07:04,538 --> 00:07:06,904
Wow.
192
00:07:06,906 --> 00:07:08,840
A lot of these girls
are young enough
193
00:07:08,842 --> 00:07:10,408
to be our daughters.
I know.
194
00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,076
Daddy's home.
195
00:07:12,078 --> 00:07:14,245
And Granddaddy's home!
196
00:07:15,047 --> 00:07:16,815
Tonight rocks so hard!
197
00:07:16,817 --> 00:07:19,384
I might be allergic
to this stamp.
198
00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:25,857
Oh, my God,
my secret crush is here.
199
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:26,825
Mila Kunis?!
200
00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:29,594
No, my secret crush.
201
00:07:29,596 --> 00:07:32,397
We met a few
years ago.
202
00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:37,302
Hi. I could use
a woman's opinion.
203
00:07:37,304 --> 00:07:40,004
Is this working for me?
204
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,639
Uh... no.
205
00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:43,625
The only good thing
206
00:07:43,627 --> 00:07:45,109
about how ugly that shirt is,
207
00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:48,847
is that it distracts
from how terribly it fits you.
208
00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:50,915
I was trying on the pants.
209
00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:52,917
Oh.
210
00:07:53,652 --> 00:07:55,170
I had to leave
before we could
211
00:07:55,172 --> 00:07:56,521
finish talking,
so that was it.
212
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:57,722
You know, ever
since then, I've...
213
00:07:57,724 --> 00:07:59,991
Oh, my God, he's
coming over here.
214
00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:01,259
Oh. Hello.
215
00:08:01,261 --> 00:08:03,695
Hi. A few years ago at a
department store, Hi.
216
00:08:03,697 --> 00:08:05,597
did you embarrass
the hell out of me?
217
00:08:05,599 --> 00:08:08,266
Oh, I'm sorry,
you must have me confused
218
00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:11,436
with the shirt
you were wearing that day.
219
00:08:11,438 --> 00:08:13,137
I should be so lucky.
220
00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:14,906
Hi! I'm Ted!
221
00:08:14,908 --> 00:08:16,524
Robin's boyfriend!
222
00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:17,842
Nice to meet you.
223
00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:19,310
Right.
224
00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:21,746
Um... it was really nice
to see you again.
225
00:08:21,748 --> 00:08:23,615
Mm-hmm. You, too.
Yeah.
226
00:08:24,618 --> 00:08:26,868
You owe me one.
227
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,554
Man, isn't this
place great?
228
00:08:29,556 --> 00:08:32,157
Uh, I don't know.
It's so loud!
229
00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:33,491
And so bourgeois.
230
00:08:33,493 --> 00:08:36,628
Many of plays are
about the bourgeois.
231
00:08:37,329 --> 00:08:38,396
And ennui.
232
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:42,500
And one rock opera about...
233
00:08:42,502 --> 00:08:44,903
a frozen yogurt shop.
234
00:08:46,839 --> 00:08:49,674
Uh, L-Lily, uh, talk
about your open marriage.
235
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:53,478
Okay. Well, after a long day
of style meetings
236
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,180
and photo shoots
237
00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:56,447
and being
way too mean
238
00:08:56,449 --> 00:08:57,565
to my assistant,
239
00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:00,552
I sometimes bang
an underwear model.
240
00:09:00,554 --> 00:09:01,419
My goodness!
241
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:02,554
I sleep around, too.
242
00:09:02,556 --> 00:09:03,821
Just as much.
243
00:09:03,823 --> 00:09:05,089
A little more, even.
244
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:07,858
Oh, uh, only 'cause you
have nothing to do all day.
245
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,427
Are we having
this fight again?
246
00:09:09,429 --> 00:09:11,196
Writing plays is a real job!
247
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:14,832
I work 90 hours a week
subsidizing your "real job."
248
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:15,967
I won a Tony!
249
00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:18,336
I brought French cooking
to America!
250
00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:20,104
What?
251
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:22,941
Let's do shots.
Uh, no, thank you, Barney.
252
00:09:22,943 --> 00:09:25,743
I have that fishing
trip with J.J. early tomorrow.
253
00:09:25,745 --> 00:09:28,179
I-I better take it easy.
No.
254
00:09:28,181 --> 00:09:30,648
Don't you remember what you said
to me when I was a kid?
255
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,984
"Never stop partying."
256
00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:34,485
I said that?
257
00:09:34,487 --> 00:09:36,287
To a six-year-old?
258
00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:37,989
I don't remember that.
259
00:09:37,991 --> 00:09:39,557
You don't remember
the last thing
260
00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,960
you said to me when I was a kid?
261
00:09:42,895 --> 00:09:43,995
Well...
262
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:45,997
you know, why don't you
just go back home?
263
00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,615
But I want to hang out with you.
264
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:49,934
Yeah, well, I want to hang out
with Crazy Jerry,
265
00:09:49,936 --> 00:09:52,270
not Stay-at-Home Jerome.
266
00:09:52,272 --> 00:09:54,439
Fine.
267
00:09:54,441 --> 00:09:56,274
You want Crazy Jerry?
268
00:10:06,385 --> 00:10:10,488
There! You got him!
269
00:10:13,759 --> 00:10:17,028
I apologize-- it might take
a few minutes to kick in.
270
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,263
Oh...
Oh...
271
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,987
Hey, sugar!
Five beers for the table,
272
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,580
a Seven-and-Seven for me,
273
00:10:28,582 --> 00:10:31,216
and your ten digits
for this guy here!
274
00:10:31,218 --> 00:10:35,437
Tonight Crazy Jerry's
gonna burn this disco down!
275
00:10:35,439 --> 00:10:37,822
Whoo! Wa-hah!
276
00:10:37,824 --> 00:10:39,190
Can you believe it?
277
00:10:39,192 --> 00:10:40,792
This is awesome!
Barney,
278
00:10:40,794 --> 00:10:43,294
how is that awesome?
279
00:10:43,296 --> 00:10:46,631
♪ ♪
280
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:50,602
I finally know what it's like
to be embarrassed by my dad.
281
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,470
So you really believe
282
00:10:52,472 --> 00:10:54,873
that if we were in
an open marriage
283
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:57,175
that you would do better than me?
Hey,
284
00:10:57,177 --> 00:10:59,761
you do better than me
at a lot of other things,
285
00:10:59,763 --> 00:11:01,579
like digesting dairy...
286
00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:04,048
and reaching for stuff.
287
00:11:04,050 --> 00:11:05,283
Okay, you know what?
288
00:11:05,285 --> 00:11:06,451
Game on.
289
00:11:06,453 --> 00:11:09,320
If I can score five
numbers before you can,
290
00:11:09,322 --> 00:11:11,589
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
291
00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:12,691
But...
292
00:11:12,693 --> 00:11:15,160
if you can score
five numbers before me,
293
00:11:15,162 --> 00:11:17,729
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
294
00:11:17,731 --> 00:11:18,963
So our usual wager.
295
00:11:19,465 --> 00:11:21,032
Deal.
296
00:11:23,285 --> 00:11:24,669
Hey, uh, hey, Jerry,
297
00:11:24,671 --> 00:11:27,038
y-you really want to be
out here like this?
298
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,090
Oh, sorry, small-town preacher
from the Midwest,
299
00:11:29,092 --> 00:11:32,243
is there a law against dancing?
300
00:11:32,245 --> 00:11:34,095
No, of course not.
I-I just...
301
00:11:34,097 --> 00:11:35,296
Oh, this club blows.
302
00:11:35,298 --> 00:11:37,582
Let's hit the greatest
party in the world,
303
00:11:37,584 --> 00:11:39,350
the streets of New York!
304
00:11:39,352 --> 00:11:41,419
Yeah! Let's do it!
Yeah!
305
00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:44,255
Uh, maybe fix the tie.
306
00:11:44,257 --> 00:11:46,424
But mostly, party!
307
00:11:47,977 --> 00:11:49,644
Okay, Jerry's gone;
let's break up.
308
00:11:49,646 --> 00:11:52,597
Okay. "I would have stolen you
a whole orchestra."
309
00:11:52,599 --> 00:11:54,065
There. What's the rush?
310
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:56,601
Well, that guy who came over
here who thinks we're dating,
311
00:11:56,603 --> 00:11:58,036
I kind of have
a crush on him.
312
00:11:58,038 --> 00:11:59,270
Can you help me
clear it up?
313
00:11:59,272 --> 00:12:00,772
Really? That guy?
314
00:12:00,774 --> 00:12:02,240
He was, like, a four.
315
00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:06,377
A four? God, you are, like,
the worst judge of guys ever.
316
00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:08,975
Okay, if he is a
four, what are you?
317
00:12:08,976 --> 00:12:09,751
Hey!
318
00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:12,050
I'm not perfect;
I'm an eight...
319
00:12:12,052 --> 00:12:13,918
and a half.
320
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,920
You're a doofus and a half.
321
00:12:15,922 --> 00:12:17,589
Fine. Let's go talk to him.
322
00:12:17,591 --> 00:12:19,424
Where'd you meet
this booger-eater anyway?
323
00:12:19,426 --> 00:12:21,893
At a close-out
sale at Dawes.
324
00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:23,928
Really?
I remember that sale.
325
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:25,797
Hey, Robin.
326
00:12:25,799 --> 00:12:27,532
Oh, Ted. Oh, no.
327
00:12:27,534 --> 00:12:29,200
Look what I just bought.
328
00:12:29,202 --> 00:12:32,237
Right? Right?
329
00:12:32,239 --> 00:12:34,839
Hold on.
We were dating then.
330
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,207
I specifically remember,
331
00:12:36,209 --> 00:12:38,576
because we had great
sex that night.
332
00:12:38,578 --> 00:12:40,945
Great sex.
333
00:12:41,814 --> 00:12:43,031
Let me guess.
334
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:44,382
Someone wants to knock...
335
00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:46,851
boots.
336
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:49,454
Boots.
337
00:12:49,456 --> 00:12:51,523
Just take off your damn shirt.
Okay.
338
00:12:51,525 --> 00:12:52,874
All right.
339
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:54,592
All right. Whoa,
340
00:12:54,594 --> 00:12:55,844
stop.
What?
341
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:57,095
Stop. Perfect.
342
00:12:57,097 --> 00:12:59,631
But I-I can't see,
and you can't see me.
343
00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:03,134
Yeah. Yeah, just like that.
344
00:13:03,136 --> 00:13:05,970
You were picturing your crush!
Well,
345
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:08,039
somebody had to.
346
00:13:09,909 --> 00:13:12,777
Okay, okay, answer me this.
347
00:13:12,779 --> 00:13:16,514
Are you absolutely sure
it had nothing whatsoever...
348
00:13:16,516 --> 00:13:18,850
to do with the boots?
349
00:13:18,852 --> 00:13:20,418
Yes.
350
00:13:21,587 --> 00:13:22,620
You hear that, everybody?
351
00:13:22,622 --> 00:13:25,223
She said "yes"!
We're getting married!
352
00:13:26,293 --> 00:13:27,458
I love this girl.
353
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,127
I'm never letting her go.
354
00:13:35,035 --> 00:13:37,919
Hey... Bottoms up, amigo!
355
00:13:37,921 --> 00:13:39,554
After that,
356
00:13:39,556 --> 00:13:42,173
Barney's memory of the night
got a little hazy.
357
00:13:42,175 --> 00:13:44,008
You want to fight me?
358
00:13:44,777 --> 00:13:48,980
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
359
00:13:48,982 --> 00:13:51,182
You don't even know!
360
00:13:51,184 --> 00:13:53,017
Hey, hey! There we go!
361
00:13:58,791 --> 00:14:01,192
Oh, look what I just ripped
out of the ground!
362
00:14:01,194 --> 00:14:02,827
Oh...!
363
00:14:04,197 --> 00:14:06,798
I just puked on the
hood of that...
364
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,334
...police car!
365
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:14,001
Too bad your
playwright friend
366
00:14:14,039 --> 00:14:15,999
isn't a lawyer.
367
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,562
Barney, I'm so sorry.
368
00:14:23,503 --> 00:14:24,870
I'm afraid this
is what it's like
369
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:27,090
hanging out with
Crazy Jerry.
370
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:30,692
It's okay, Dad.
371
00:14:30,694 --> 00:14:34,830
I never thought tonight
would be so awesome!
372
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,097
So...
373
00:14:36,099 --> 00:14:37,866
next stop, strip club.
374
00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:39,734
The Lusty Leopard
has a special...
375
00:14:39,736 --> 00:14:42,170
Oh, for corn's sake,
Barney, I'm not drunk!
376
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,572
What?
I told you,
377
00:14:43,574 --> 00:14:44,906
I don't party anymore,
378
00:14:44,908 --> 00:14:47,275
and you wouldn't take
no for an answer.
379
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:48,343
So...
380
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:52,180
I used a little...
sleight-of-hand...
381
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:56,818
...to make you think otherwise.
382
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,170
Here you go.
383
00:14:58,172 --> 00:14:59,988
Whoa!
384
00:14:59,990 --> 00:15:02,190
Bottoms up, amigo!
385
00:15:03,677 --> 00:15:05,093
Mm.
386
00:15:05,095 --> 00:15:07,662
But all those
crazy things you did.
387
00:15:07,664 --> 00:15:11,299
Do you happen to remember what
a magician's best friend is?
388
00:15:12,168 --> 00:15:14,969
A drunk audience.
389
00:15:14,971 --> 00:15:17,539
You want to fight me?
390
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,976
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
391
00:15:20,978 --> 00:15:22,811
No, no, no.
392
00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:25,814
You don't even know!
393
00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:26,815
Right here!
394
00:15:26,817 --> 00:15:28,350
Look.
395
00:15:29,418 --> 00:15:31,519
Look what I just
ripped out of the ground!
396
00:15:31,521 --> 00:15:32,520
Oh...!
397
00:15:36,677 --> 00:15:38,159
What just happened?
398
00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:40,762
I... I just puked
on the hood of that...
399
00:15:42,499 --> 00:15:43,798
...police car.
400
00:15:46,169 --> 00:15:48,069
Well, why do
all those things?
401
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:50,272
I figured if I
showed you what...
402
00:15:50,274 --> 00:15:52,774
"never stop partying"
really looked like,
403
00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:55,977
you'd realize you
can't do it forever.
404
00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:59,347
Oh, well.
405
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:05,954
You lied to me all night
for your own selfish reasons?
406
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:08,957
Daddy...!
407
00:16:10,026 --> 00:16:13,261
I wanted to hang out
with you-- you're my son.
408
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,764
And since you didn't want
to come with me and J.J.
409
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,165
on that fishing tri--
410
00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:19,935
Fishing trip.
411
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:23,204
I'll never make it
back in time now.
412
00:16:26,042 --> 00:16:28,677
Hey, you know, a-a pretty
good magician like you
413
00:16:28,679 --> 00:16:30,178
probably knows
how to, say,
414
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:33,014
get out of a standard
set of handcuffs.
415
00:16:33,016 --> 00:16:35,116
Perhaps.
416
00:16:36,319 --> 00:16:38,987
Well, here's something
you didn't know--
417
00:16:38,989 --> 00:16:41,957
I'm a pretty good
magician, too.
418
00:16:45,612 --> 00:16:47,529
Abracadabra!
419
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,615
Congratulations!
420
00:16:50,617 --> 00:16:52,500
Oh, hey!
Thank you so much.
421
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,836
We're super excited.
We're thinking June.
422
00:16:54,838 --> 00:16:56,271
Yeah, okay.
423
00:16:56,273 --> 00:16:57,806
Okay, jerk...
424
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:01,309
do you remember how you ended up
buying those red cowboy boots?
425
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,544
Wow.
426
00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:05,513
Wardrobe malfunction
at the O.K. Corral!
427
00:17:05,515 --> 00:17:07,932
I mean, who in their
right mind would ever...
428
00:17:07,934 --> 00:17:10,752
You would look
so totally hot in those.
429
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:13,087
Do you have these in a size 11?
430
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,991
So get off the field
at the Superdome,
431
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,625
because you ain't no saint.
432
00:17:18,561 --> 00:17:20,362
Hello.
433
00:17:20,364 --> 00:17:21,780
I, uh...
Oh.
434
00:17:21,782 --> 00:17:23,999
Hi, Robin.
435
00:17:25,201 --> 00:17:28,737
Could I have
your phone number?
436
00:17:28,739 --> 00:17:31,206
We need someplace to hide.
Where?
437
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:33,541
No, Jerry, this is not the time
to go to another club!
438
00:17:33,543 --> 00:17:37,345
We've got to get you back
home in time for that trip.
439
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,848
But there's no more
trains, there's no cabs.
440
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,016
Well, uh...
441
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:44,636
I do have a few driving
students in the city.
442
00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:46,588
Step on it! Jerry...
Do not step on it.
443
00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:48,189
Jerry, we have got
to get you home
444
00:17:48,191 --> 00:17:49,424
in time for
that fishing trip.
445
00:17:49,426 --> 00:17:50,725
...the laws are there
to protect...
446
00:17:50,727 --> 00:17:52,344
This is no time for laws!
Buckle up, Barney.
447
00:17:52,346 --> 00:17:55,847
I am not going to buckle up!
I am your father! You will listen to me!
448
00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:01,436
Hey! How's the
open marriage going?
449
00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:03,138
Who was the first one
to get the five numbers?
450
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:04,239
I won that race.
451
00:18:04,241 --> 00:18:06,875
My prize--
sex in the bathroom.
452
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:09,611
And I won that race.
453
00:18:12,782 --> 00:18:15,116
Aw, sorry that secret crush
didn't work out for you.
454
00:18:15,118 --> 00:18:19,287
Oh, it's okay. I guess
it just wasn't meant to be.
455
00:18:19,289 --> 00:18:20,822
Why are you smiling?
456
00:18:20,824 --> 00:18:22,223
I don't know.
457
00:18:22,225 --> 00:18:24,659
Good night.
458
00:18:24,661 --> 00:18:26,461
Saw that girl again.
459
00:18:26,463 --> 00:18:28,596
And guess what?
She's engaged.
460
00:18:28,598 --> 00:18:30,131
So that's the end of that.
461
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,550
It wasn't the end of that.
More on that later.
462
00:18:32,552 --> 00:18:36,471
And her fiancé?
The guy's like a two.
463
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:41,509
How did you do it?
464
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,010
Do what?
465
00:18:43,012 --> 00:18:45,346
How did you become this?
466
00:18:45,348 --> 00:18:48,283
I mean, I love my life, but...
467
00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:51,619
I'm not sure I like
loving it.
468
00:18:51,621 --> 00:18:54,322
Sure, strip clubs...
You're drifting.
469
00:18:54,324 --> 00:18:56,091
Hey, I'm trying to
open up to you...
470
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,793
No, Mrs. Perkins,
you're drifting!
471
00:18:59,662 --> 00:19:02,197
Go on, Barney.
472
00:19:02,199 --> 00:19:06,134
When I think about going for
anything more than that,
473
00:19:06,136 --> 00:19:11,239
I look at my life,
and who I am, and...
474
00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:15,076
I'm too far gone.
475
00:19:15,078 --> 00:19:17,212
I'm broken.
476
00:19:19,181 --> 00:19:23,568
Son, I was far more broken
than you'll ever be.
477
00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:26,053
And look at me now.
478
00:19:26,055 --> 00:19:31,192
Don't get me wrong-- settling
down is... a challenge.
479
00:19:31,194 --> 00:19:33,461
It's the biggest
challenge of your life.
480
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,263
So how do you do it?
481
00:19:35,265 --> 00:19:39,300
A magician never reveals
his greatest trick.
482
00:19:40,236 --> 00:19:42,103
But I'll give you a hint.
483
00:19:42,105 --> 00:19:44,739
You gotta meet the right girl.
484
00:19:46,108 --> 00:19:48,626
Who knows?
485
00:19:48,628 --> 00:19:51,412
Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
486
00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:54,883
Maybe I've met her already.
487
00:19:55,985 --> 00:19:58,803
And park.
And emergency brake.
488
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:02,724
I did have a good time tonight.
489
00:20:02,726 --> 00:20:04,125
And hey,
if you want to
490
00:20:04,127 --> 00:20:06,094
go fishing,
we got room in the boat.
491
00:20:06,096 --> 00:20:08,596
Maybe some other time.
492
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:09,964
Okay.
493
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,400
Oh, and, uh...
494
00:20:12,402 --> 00:20:16,604
thanks for taking such
good care of this.
495
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:20,074
It means a lot to me that you
kept it safe all these years.
496
00:20:36,492 --> 00:20:38,960
I'm going fishing with my dad.
497
00:20:57,993 --> 00:21:01,362
This...
498
00:21:01,364 --> 00:21:03,197
sucks.
499
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:06,699
== sync, corrected by elderman ==