1 00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:04,401 Here's what you missed. 2 00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,371 Will's dating the hot substitute, Holly Holliday. 3 00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,566 - She's sassy. You can see why he's into her. - Sexy! 4 00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:11,235 Quinn and Finn are back together in a big way, and so is the Glee Club. 5 00:00:11,311 --> 00:00:13,108 They did original songs, and now they're headed to New York. 6 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,306 - Get out! - Sue thinks Will made her lose at nationals... 7 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,976 and she's gone over the edge, even for her, and that's saying something. 8 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,780 And that's what you missed on Glee. 9 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:32,130 All right, we need $5,000 to pay for our trip to nationals in New York. 10 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,257 What happened to the money that we got from the Cheerios? 11 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:37,667 I guess Sue was hiding it in offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands... 12 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:41,173 and we're having some trouble accessing some of it. 13 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,799 Any of it. 14 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:48,105 - This is saltwater taffy. - I love saltwater. 15 00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:52,641 When I was a student here, we paid for our entire trip to nationals selling this... 16 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,949 classroom to classroom, door to door. 17 00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:57,990 We pushed this stuff like crack. 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,855 And so will we. 19 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:03,760 So to make $5,000 at 25 cents apiece... 20 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,958 we need to sell 20,000 pieces of taffy. 21 00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,866 Wait. Do you honestly think that we can sell 20,000 anythings? 22 00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:13,997 We won regionals for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the planet... 23 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,770 and I still got a freakin' cherry ICEE facial. 24 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,646 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 25 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:23,648 Yeah, Santana's right. Nobody cares about us. 26 00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,707 I can't listen to this. 27 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:28,345 - Mike, are you okay? - No. 28 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,049 You guys complain all the time about being mistreated... 29 00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:33,991 but you have no idea what it's like to work your butt off for something... 30 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,722 and have everyone, even your friends, ignore you. 31 00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,696 I'm so trying to remember his name right now. 32 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,733 Artie, Tina, Brittany and I are on the Brainiacs. 33 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,734 Isn't that the Academic Decathlon team? 34 00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,895 - We have one of those? - Yes, we do. 35 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,132 And the four of us went on the Smarty Pants Show... 36 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,335 and beat Carmel High to go to the Academic Decathlon finals in Detroit next week. 37 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,139 You guys were on TV? 38 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,806 - Why didn't you tell us about it? - We did. 39 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:58,544 Wait. I- I get the three of you being on the team. 40 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,916 Is it because two of them are Asian and Artie wears glasses? 41 00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,318 No. 44 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:09,489 Her parents are hippies who don't believe in vaccinations. 45 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,723 Brittany was the only person we could find on short notice. 46 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,266 We bribed her with Dots. 47 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,996 That Sunshine Corazon that Rachel sent to a crack house... 48 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,436 - was on the other team. - I'll take Deadly Cyclones, please. 49 00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,441 Right on, soul sister. In 1970... 50 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,034 The Bhola cyclone. 51 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,703 Correct again. 52 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:29,509 Luckily, we had our own secret weapon. 53 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,517 I'll take Cat Diseases. 54 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,951 I won't. 55 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,683 The first known case of this disease was first diagnosed... 56 00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:39,782 in Calcutta in 2001. 57 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,850 Feline AIDS? 58 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,896 Correct. Bonus question. 59 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,399 Ringworm. Conjunctivitis. 60 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,060 Kidney failure. 61 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,771 Now, on to our final speed round question. 62 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,139 Whoever buzzes in first and answers correctly... 63 00:02:57,210 --> 00:03:00,407 will win the title and go on to our finals next week in Detroit. 64 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,541 Our final category: White Rappers. 65 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,381 Sadly, we can't afford to go to the finals, so we're gonna have to forfeit. 66 00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:10,320 - Why don't you just have your parents pay for it? - Because we shouldn't have to. 67 00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:13,484 We're a school club. The school should pay for it. It's a matter of pride. 68 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,927 You guys are absolutely right. How much do you need to make the trip? 69 00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:21,558 With gas and motels, if we only ate Funyuns, uh, $250. 70 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,392 Which means... 71 00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:29,330 we just need to sell more taffy. 72 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:38,481 I'm sure you're wondering why I called you all together here in the dead of night... 73 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,281 when I'm normally out bow-hunting for hoboes. 74 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,288 Dustin Goolsby, coach of Vocal Adrenaline. 75 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:46,917 Sandy Ryerson, defrocked educator and legendary friend of Dorothy. 76 00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,928 - Terri Schuester, shrew. - I'm also an assistant manager. 77 00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,591 We all have one very important thing in common. 78 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,964 We all hate Will Schuester. 79 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:59,300 I have a question. Are you single? 80 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,306 - Uh, I'm not gay. - I don't care. 81 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:04,502 You're hunky and I'm what they call "predatory gay." 82 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,545 I'll admit I've been on a bit of a losing streak... 83 00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,376 having lost regionals. 84 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,382 And if Will Schuester wins at nationals... 85 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:14,443 my role as reigning champion at this school will be usurped. 86 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,114 I'm asking you for your help. Our mission: 87 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,249 to destroy the Glee Club. 88 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,021 We'll target their fragile sense of self-esteem... 89 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,394 so that they implode long before they can make it to nationals. 90 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,956 And I call this union... 91 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,729 the League of Doom. 92 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,498 - Ooh! - First of all, that is a ridiculous name. 93 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:35,405 And second of all, what kind of a meeting doesn't have bagels or something? 94 00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,306 Wow. It would be hard to be married to you. 95 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,935 - And for the record- - And mixed nuts. 96 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,981 I am trying to move on with my life. I don't hate Will Schuester. 97 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,881 - But you do hate the Glee Club. - That's true. I do. 98 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,680 And I am looking for a new hobby. 99 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,517 Henceforth, you will be known by the following super villain nicknames. 100 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:52,149 - Sandy Ryerson, you are the Pink Dagger. - Yes! 101 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,160 You are the Honey Badger, nature's most ferocious animal. 102 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,695 Look it up on YouTube. 103 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:59,698 Dustin Goolsby? Sergeant Handsome. 104 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,200 My code name will be General Zod. 105 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:05,032 Hold up. I coach the winningest Glee Club in history. 106 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,095 We're a lock to beat McKinley at nationals as it is. 107 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,164 - Why would I wanna get involved in this? - Because, Sergeant... 108 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,176 you strike me as a bit of a tool... 109 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,269 who enjoys playing mind games with your opponents. 110 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,541 - I really do like doing that. - Legion of Evil? 111 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,845 - League of Doom. - You can count me in. 112 00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,181 Although I am enjoying my second career... 113 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,278 as a small-time medical marijuana dealer... 114 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:24,186 - Okeydokey. - It doesn't change the fact... 115 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,952 that William took my job. 116 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:29,222 Here are your beepers. You will await further instructions. 117 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:33,026 And until then, we will be known only as... 118 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,158 - Legion of Evil. - I don't think I was listening when you said our name. 119 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,633 Is it league or legion? 120 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,261 Worst henchmen ever. 121 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,904 I missed you so much last week. 122 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,745 - What do you wanna do tomorrow night? - Whoa there, cowboy. 123 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,874 - We haven't even had our pizza. - I'm just trying to get you when I can. 124 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,719 You know... 125 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:58,586 this is actually the first relationship I've had... 126 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,593 where the girl hasn't been all over me to spend more time with her. 127 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:05,153 Well, get used to it. I'm a sub. I'm a rolling stone. 128 00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,165 I warned you that being in a relationship with me... 129 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,201 meant being in a constant state of wanting. 130 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:13,102 I am both awesome and unavailable at the same time. 131 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,436 Yeah, kind of awesome. 132 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:19,410 What do you think about my taffy sale plan to send the Brainiacs to Detroit? 133 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:23,472 Um, I think it's as terrible as the word "brainiacs," but... 134 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,848 Okay, here's your problem, all right? You're thinking too small. 135 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:30,650 Okay? That crazy ex-wife of yours messed with your brain... 136 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,918 and now you think you can't dream. 137 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,516 Okay. What's your idea? 138 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:37,461 A night of neglect. 139 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,931 - That actually sounds like life with my ex-wife. - Hilarious. 140 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,093 - No, seriously, here's what you need to do. - Oh! Ah! 141 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,796 Have a benefit. 142 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,635 You know how they do on TV when there's an earthquake... 143 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:51,370 or they wanna raise money for, like, a sad disease? 144 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,436 - That's actually a really good idea. - I know it is. 145 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,142 See, your kids are feeling really neglected, right? 146 00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:00,185 So you fill the auditorium with people who are there to hear them sing, and poof! 147 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,813 Oh! I'm loving this. 148 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,823 And we can sell tickets. 149 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:09,225 - And it is a perfect place to practice for nationals. - And you know the best part? 150 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:11,889 We're only gonna do songs by neglected artists. 151 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,630 Because it's a night of neglect. 152 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:18,135 Can you define what you mean by neglected artists? 153 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:21,367 Um, someone whose brilliance isn't always appreciated. 154 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,410 - Oh, so you mean like me? - I mean like all of us. 155 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,742 All right, everyone, next Saturday night in our auditorium... 156 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:32,808 McKinley High's First Annual Night of Neglect fund-raiser benefit is officially a go. 157 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,154 Sergeant Handsome, walk with me. 158 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:44,196 I'm surprised you even saw me. I was blending in pretty well back there. 159 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,753 Here's your mission. Word on the street... 160 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:49,029 is that Schuester and that substitute, Holly Holliday, are official. 161 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,559 Break them up. She's looser than a thrift store turtleneck... 162 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,630 - and probably just as diseased. - Just my type. 163 00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,869 Psst. Ready for my close-up, "General Zog." 164 00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:01,436 Sandy, how do you manage to enter a building without setting off all of the fire alarms? 165 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:05,109 I have to say, with all this sneaking around, I've never felt more alive. 166 00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,879 What's my assignment? 167 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,854 Pink Dagger, I just learned that the Glee Club is performing a benefit concert. 168 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:13,619 It's just the opening we need. There's a student club I want you to sponsor. 169 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:17,424 Heckling- the world's second oldest profession. 170 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,624 - Hell am I doing in here? - Good. Louder. 171 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:23,499 In olden times, hecklers provided a needed service to the medieval community. 172 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,036 Pink Dagger, if I may. 173 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:28,039 Welcome to the very first meeting of the Heckling Club. 174 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:31,099 You set me up. You told me I was supposed to come here to get homework help. 175 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,145 Congratulations. You're all in. 176 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,648 I'm really confused. 177 00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,809 I'm totally doing Lykke Li. 178 00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:42,480 She's Björk meets Florence and the Machine, and a promising new talent. 179 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,079 What about you, Mike? 180 00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,147 Mike Chang, Dance Dance Revolution. 181 00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:49,285 I'm tired of my dancing being overshadowed by all of you guys' singing. 182 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,560 It's gonna be just me and my sweet moves on that stage. 183 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:57,194 You're forgetting about the most neglected artist this Glee Club's ever seen... 184 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,760 Aretha Franklin. 185 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,806 Neglected? She's, like, the Queen of Soul. 186 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:04,104 I auditioned for this club singing "Respect"... 187 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,838 and she's got none since, so I'm doing Aretha. 188 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,904 Awesome, Mercedes. Awesome, all of you guys. 189 00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:11,279 Those songs are great appetizers to my main course. 190 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,842 Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." It's gonna be our finale. 191 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,981 That's, like, the biggest song of all time. 192 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,493 No, you don't understand. Celine isn't the neglected artist. I am. 193 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,927 I was kind of hoping to do the closing number. 194 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,989 - Hey, you guys remember Sunshine Corazon? - You are a terrible spy. 195 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,467 Seriously, with your size, you easily could have stayed in the air ducts for days. 196 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,527 - Right. - I'm not a spy. 197 00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:36,200 I heard about your benefit concert on Facebook, and I wanted to perform. 198 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,869 I know what it feels like to be in Academic Decathlon. 199 00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:41,607 No one pays attention to you. No one cares. 200 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,308 It's not right. We study so hard. 201 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,816 But you're in Vocal Adrenaline. How do we know we can trust you? 202 00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:48,319 Because I have nothing against any of you. 203 00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:51,788 I have 600 Twitter followers. I can get all of them to come. 204 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,724 - How many tickets have we sold so far? - Four. No one's interested. 205 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,560 - It's just sad. - Please, just let me show you what I can do. 206 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,862 I would like to sing the perfect song about neglect- "All By Myself." 207 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:05,563 I'm such a better singer than everyone else, so I know how it feels. 208 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,664 I'm all alone at the top. Also I'm really short. 209 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,902 So even when I'm in a group of people... 210 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,002 it feels like I'm wandering alone through a forest. 211 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:17,379 There's no way that she's singing in our auditorium. She's the enemy. 212 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,146 I say we give her a chance. You owe her, Rachel. 213 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,210 You sent her to a frickin' crack house. 214 00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,654 # When I was young # 215 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:34,731 # I never needed anyone # 216 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:41,764 # And making love was just for fun # 217 00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:46,738 # Those days are gone # 218 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,979 # Living alone # 219 00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:57,781 # I think of all the friends I've known # 220 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:04,421 # When I dial the telephone # 221 00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:09,022 # Nobody's home # 222 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:22,803 # All by myself # 223 00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:29,549 # Don't wanna be all by myself # 224 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,455 # Anymore # 225 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:38,953 # All by myself # 226 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,464 # Don't wanna live # 227 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:45,232 # All by myself # 228 00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:52,176 # Anymore # 229 00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:53,734 Whoo! 230 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:57,305 # Ohh # 231 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,374 Go on now! 232 00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:05,722 # Don't wanna live by myself, by myself # 233 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:10,854 # Anymore # 234 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,662 # By myself # 235 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,171 # Anymore # 236 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:29,147 # Whoa, oh, oh-oh ## 237 00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:32,341 All right! 238 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,121 So, can I perform with you guys? 239 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:40,886 Absolutely not. She's just trying to get on our good side so she can spy on us. 240 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,623 You're one to talk. We told you the same thing about Jesse St. James last year. 241 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,187 And you were right. 242 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,199 This whole thing isn't about us. It's about helping the Brainiacs. 243 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:51,031 We need Sunshine's Twitter followers to come and pay for tickets... 244 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,197 or there's no point in having a benefit at all. 245 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,566 Fine. Mercedes, you're okay with being bumped... 246 00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,840 to the decidedly less glamorous middle spot, right? 247 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:04,377 Um, sure, I guess. 248 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:08,813 Absolutely. 249 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:17,452 Hey, Mercedes. Can I have your shoes? 250 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,829 I promise to give you a dirty pair of my flip-flops in return. 251 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,199 Do you know how hard it is to find high-top yellow patent leather sneakers? 252 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:26,966 Really? I'm surprised you didn't just give them to me... 253 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,064 considering how little you think of yourself. 254 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,132 You're the most talented singer in Glee Club... 255 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:33,508 yet you're constantly taking the backseat to everyone. 256 00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,513 Well, what am I supposed to do? 257 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,708 I'm tired of fighting with Rachel all the time. 258 00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:40,650 Okay. You're always singing about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 259 00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:44,246 But respect isn't something you can ask for. You have to demand it. 260 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,383 - And you deserve it. - You don't seem to have trouble in that department. 261 00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:52,192 Right. But you know what? Neither does Aretha or J. Lo or Mariah. 262 00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:55,256 You know why? Because they get proof every day. 263 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,268 I heard Mariah makes appointments at 9:00 a. m... 264 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,270 and shows up at 4:00 in the afternoon... 265 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,102 because she knows people will wait. 266 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,369 But those kinds of demands are ridiculous. 267 00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:08,038 Exactly. But once you see that no matter how ridiculous your demands, people will meet them... 268 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:09,603 - you know you have it. - Have what? 269 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,013 Respect. 270 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:14,348 And, as your manager, I'd say you're thinking too small. 271 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,479 Wait a minute. Since when are you my manager? 272 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:20,389 Since you agreed to give me 10% of whatever we can come up with to ask for. 273 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,963 Sister, you've got yourself a deal. 274 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,572 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 275 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,043 I will be as soon as this counter's really clean. 276 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,705 I hear that O.C.D. symptoms tend to get worse... 277 00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:45,909 when the person is under great stress. 278 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:51,181 Carl's gone. 279 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:58,520 He asked for an annulment... 280 00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,623 which I guess he's legally entitled to... 281 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,601 considering we never actually consummated the marriage. 282 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,932 You guys never... 283 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:14,804 At what age are you allowed to look back on your life with nothing but regret? 284 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,370 Is 32 too young? 285 00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:27,556 I actually believed that I'd have a handle on my O.C.D. by now. 286 00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:30,652 It's just been so long, and... 287 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,289 I'm so tired. 288 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,800 This your lunch? 289 00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:43,868 Yeah. 290 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,547 What are you doing? 291 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,512 One day you're gonna find a way to beat this thing. 292 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,057 Until then... 293 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,120 I'm here for you. 294 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,629 No judgment. Just... 295 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,166 a friend that you can count on. 296 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,194 Cheers. 297 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,336 So, uh... 298 00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:23,245 the Brainiacs asked us to be benefit heads for the Night of Neglect. 299 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:26,011 And we would like to select you head of talent relations. 300 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,213 We figured you're probably used to relating to talent because you're so talented. 301 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,950 Well, first, I'm honored that you came to me. 302 00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:34,390 But I think it's a little insensitive of you... 303 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,621 - to be flaunting your dating in my face. - Fantastic. 304 00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:39,687 'Cause we are having problems with one of our performers. 305 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:43,462 A- I need a bowl of green M&Ms. And by bowl, I mean large bowl. 306 00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,628 - Really a small barrel. - O-kay. 307 00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:50,073 Two- I need humidifiers- lots of humidifiers, a team of humidifiers... 308 00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:53,703 whose only job is to make the air that Mercedes breathes more humid. 309 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,610 - We'll try our best. - Shh. I'm not finished. 310 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,275 Before every performance, I'd like to wash my hands. 311 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,877 And after doing so, I'd like to dry them on a fresh puppy. 312 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,047 - Excuse me? - I believe you heard Ms. Jones. 313 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:07,217 In fact, if I were you, I'd probably get a whole litter of fluffy puppies... 314 00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:10,318 just in case she decides to take a post-show shower. 315 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,728 Stars make demands the way that babies make messes in their diapers. 316 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:16,097 They can't help it. What a star wants is to just feel appreciated and respected. 317 00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,329 They just wanna feel like they're being heard. 318 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,395 Well, she seemed pretty serious about the puppy. 319 00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,270 Well, obviously, hers is a talent that we have neglected. 320 00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:26,834 I can relate. So leave it to me. I'll take care of it. 321 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,647 Hello, class. 322 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:35,016 I am the world's most famous and stylish divorcée, Wallis Simpson. 323 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,021 I was married a bunch of times... 324 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:40,820 and then I fell in love with Edward VIII and made him abdicate the throne. 325 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,489 I had giant hands, so a lot of people thought I was a hermaphrodite. 326 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,056 But that wasn't true. Others said I was a Nazi sympathizer. 327 00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,761 That was true. 328 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,304 Boy, did I think that Hitler showed promise. 329 00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:55,932 Tomorrow we're gonna do Catherine the Great... 330 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,171 and her pet stallion Fred, so come early. 331 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:07,180 We haven't been introduced. I'm Dustin Goolsby, coach of Vocal Adrenaline. 332 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,881 Oh. So you're the big competition at nationals. 333 00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:14,892 Well, thank you very much for volunteering your star for our Night of Neglect benefit. 334 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,622 What are you talking about? I never approved that. 335 00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:21,496 Let me cut to the sexy chase. 336 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,468 Think about how many more years you have left of productive ovulating. 337 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:27,300 Those aren't eggs in those fallopian tubes. 338 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,397 They're rare exotic pearls. 339 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:32,842 - Oh, so you're trying to seduce me. - Jackpot. 340 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:36,074 This hairline is 85% my own and my sperm count is off the charts. 341 00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:40,517 Well- As tempting as that sounds, I have a boyfriend. 342 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:44,420 You do now. Admit it, I'm handsome... 343 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,425 I'm good-looking and I'm easy on the eyes. 344 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:51,862 - Also I'm gorgeous. - And I'm dating Will Schuester. 345 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,024 Let me tell you something about Will Schuester. That guy has tiny baby hands. 346 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,193 Seriously, it's weird. 347 00:18:57,269 --> 00:19:00,534 Once I saw him try to pick up a Big Mac, and he couldn't do it. 348 00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,506 He had to eat it layer by layer. 349 00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:05,065 Teeny, tiny, wee baby hands. 350 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,237 They're big enough to knock your teeth out. 351 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:12,716 Well, this is awkward. Consider my offer. 352 00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,118 What offer? 353 00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,680 He was just hitting on me. Isn't that silly? 354 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,084 What's wrong? 355 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,290 Well, we were supposed to have lunch and you don't show... 356 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,856 and now you're getting hit on by the coach of our arch rival. 357 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,731 How is that my fault? 358 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,736 And by the way, I did show up for lunch... 359 00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,500 and you looked like you were actually having a pretty good time. 360 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:38,509 I kind of felt like I was intruding. 361 00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,479 So- Oh, man. I am not the jealous type, Will. 362 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,311 Neither am I. 363 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:48,649 Look, how about instead of a pointless argument... 364 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,711 we rehearse our duet for the benefit? 365 00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:54,816 I really don't, uh, feel in the mood to do a duet right now. 366 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,459 I think I just have to clear my head. 367 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,726 No problem. 368 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,569 I'll see you at the benefit. 369 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:19,177 Well, as you can see, we have followed your exact specifications. 370 00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,912 Wait. Where's my puppy? 371 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:22,578 She specifically asked for a puppy. 372 00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:26,021 This is unbelievable. How am I supposed to work like this? 373 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:30,027 Don't worry. Puckerman is out right now scouring pounds for the perfect Pomeranian. 374 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:34,498 Good. This is almost worthy of the artist doing the closing number at the benefit. 375 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:38,502 Well, actually, um, Sunshine is gonna be doing the last number... 376 00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:41,403 because she's bringing in hundreds of people. 377 00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:44,772 And so I'll go on before Sunshine because I'm, well, me. 378 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,311 And Miss Holliday and Mercedes will go on before me. 379 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:52,381 Fine. But Ms. Jones isn't happy about it. 380 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:55,352 And in exchange, she's demanding that during the day of the benefit... 381 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,354 her feet never touch the ground. 382 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,219 - Excuse me? - Did you not see Celine's wedding? 383 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,815 - Carried in. - Cher's comeback tour. 384 00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:02,519 - Carried in. - Gaga at the Grammys. 385 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,789 Carried the hell in. 386 00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:09,891 Um, I'm sorry. Are you saying that you want to be carried in in a giant egg? 387 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,832 We'll get back to you. 388 00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:20,376 And that was the Spanish classroom. 389 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,436 And, of course, you know the choir room. 390 00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:25,005 Hey, you guys, you better get in the auditorium. The show's about to start. 391 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:28,109 It's gonna be a full house. Gotta get there early to get a good seat. 392 00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,245 We'll be there in a minute. I'm just showing Blaine around. 393 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:32,950 Thanks for coming and supporting us, guys. It's really cool. 394 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,390 Bye. 395 00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:38,629 Aw, you miss them. 396 00:21:38,697 --> 00:21:40,824 What the hell are you two doing here? 397 00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:44,232 - We're here for the benefit. Don't tell me you're going. - I wouldn't be caught dead. 398 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,739 I was pumping iron in the gym, and one of the guys told me you two were here... 399 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,832 - spreading your fairy dust all over the place. - Will you just give it up. 400 00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:54,436 Live whatever lie you want, but don't pretend the three of us don't know what's going on. 401 00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,777 You don't know squat, butt boy. 402 00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:58,475 Hey, no, you guys. Stop. 403 00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:01,041 Real brave with your fists, but you're a coward when it comes to the truth. 404 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,179 - Truth about what? - It's none of your business, J. Lo. 405 00:22:05,757 --> 00:22:08,351 First of all, anything you do became my business... 406 00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,759 when you decided to toss that slushee up in my grill. 407 00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,127 I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl. 408 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:16,725 Okay. See, here's what's gonna go down. Two choices. 409 00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:20,260 You stay here and I crack one of your nuts, right or left- that's your choice... 410 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,866 or you walk away and live to be a douche bag another day. 411 00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:27,241 And also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair. 412 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:30,406 Mm-hmm. Tons. Just all up in there. 413 00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:32,143 Mm-hmm. 414 00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:33,650 We could've handled that. 415 00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,812 It was more fun doing it together. 416 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:42,285 - Oh, crap. - # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la # 417 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,488 # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la # 418 00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,997 This just in. According to Sunshine's Twitter, she's not coming... 419 00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:50,592 - and neither are any of her followers. - I told you. She's evil. 420 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:52,933 I was just in the auditorium. There's, like, six people in there. 421 00:22:53,004 --> 00:22:55,438 I say we blow this whole thing off and hit the arcade. 422 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,899 No. No. Screw that. 423 00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:01,002 These people paid to see us sing. 424 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:04,480 What's that saying? "The show's gotta go all over the place" or something. 425 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,949 - You mean, "The show must go on." - Yeah. 426 00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:08,713 Finn's right, you guys. 427 00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:12,120 Whether there's six or 6,000 people out there, we still have to give it our all. 428 00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:14,522 Okay, Tina, you're up first. 429 00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:29,974 # Oh, I beg you # 430 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:33,673 # Can I follow? # 431 00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:34,837 - You suck! - Where's Rachel Berry? 432 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,040 # Be my only # 433 00:23:37,115 --> 00:23:39,242 Show tunes! Show tunes! Show tunes! 434 00:23:39,317 --> 00:23:42,684 # Be the water where I'm wading # 435 00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:44,483 You're making me barf! 436 00:23:44,556 --> 00:23:46,922 # You're my river running high # 437 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:50,553 # Run deep, run wild # 438 00:23:50,629 --> 00:23:52,859 # Oh, I'll follow # 439 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,330 # I'll follow you # 440 00:23:54,399 --> 00:23:57,061 # Deep sea, baby ## 441 00:23:57,135 --> 00:23:59,626 - Boo! - Hell, is this even music? 442 00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:00,472 Boo! Kiss my ass! 443 00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:01,564 Boo! Kiss my ass! 444 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,039 I can't take this! 445 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,168 I can't stand this! 446 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:08,474 Boo! 447 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:10,014 Boo! 448 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,314 This is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. 449 00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:21,951 I didn't think it was possible for people to hate us even more. 450 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:23,494 We're calling this off. 451 00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:26,690 Guys, I hate to say it, but I think we have to buck up. 452 00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:28,824 Tina, I'm sorry you had to go through that... 453 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,834 but it's actually a really good lesson for us. 454 00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:34,599 That's a part of show business, guys. Sometimes people can be really mean. 455 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:38,336 Think about what's gonna happen if we have an unfriendly crowd at nationals in New York. 456 00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:41,436 And I'm sure there's gonna be some Vocal Adrenaline hecklers there too. 457 00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:44,448 We need to find some strength and barrel through this. 458 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:48,179 I think I may know a way to shut those hecklers up for a number or two. 459 00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:52,019 - Take as much as you want. - Thanks, babe. I'll take two. 460 00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:55,958 And remember, vote Quinn Fabray for prom queen. 461 00:24:56,027 --> 00:25:00,623 And now please enjoy the dance stylings of Mr. Mike Chang... 462 00:25:00,699 --> 00:25:03,998 as he busts some moves to Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes." 463 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:09,402 # It's as simple as something that nobody knows # 464 00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:11,999 # That her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes # 465 00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:14,875 # On the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards # 466 00:25:14,946 --> 00:25:19,315 - # And her feet are all covered with tar balls and scars # - Boo! Boo! 467 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:25,121 # Well, I was eating lunch at the D. L.G. # 468 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:28,284 # When this little girl came and she sat next to me # 469 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,521 # Never seen nobody move the way she did # 470 00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:32,995 # Well, she did and she does and she'll do it again # 471 00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:35,828 # When you move like a jellyfish rhythm is nothing # 472 00:25:35,901 --> 00:25:39,462 # You go with the flow You don't stop, mmm # 473 00:25:43,408 --> 00:25:45,569 # It's as common as something that nobody knows # 474 00:25:45,644 --> 00:25:48,442 # That her beauty will follow wherever she goes # 475 00:25:48,513 --> 00:25:51,073 # Up the hill, in the back of her house, in the wood # 476 00:25:51,149 --> 00:25:53,515 # She'll love me forever, I know She # 477 00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:56,452 # La, da, da, da, da-da # 478 00:25:56,521 --> 00:26:00,252 # La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da # 479 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:07,956 # If you would only listen you might just realize what you're missing # 480 00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:09,591 # You're missing me # 481 00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:16,204 # It's as simple as something that nobody knows # 482 00:26:16,274 --> 00:26:18,799 # That her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes # 483 00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:21,710 # On the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards # 484 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:24,010 # Her feet are infested with tar balls and # 485 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,949 # La, da, da, da, da-da # 486 00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:29,418 # La, da-da, da, da, da, da # 487 00:26:29,487 --> 00:26:32,183 # La, da, da, da, da-da # 488 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:35,283 # La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da ## 489 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,795 - Whoo! - Bravo! 490 00:26:36,795 --> 00:26:37,523 - Whoo! - Bravo! 491 00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,689 - Whoo! - Yeah! 492 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:43,531 - I was all kinds of awesome. - Yeah! 493 00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:47,696 - Terrific job, Mike. - Whoo! 494 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,899 Hey, sounds like the Heckling Club loved our refreshments. 495 00:26:49,975 --> 00:26:52,034 Yeah, but we're almost out of that taffy. 496 00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,544 How are we gonna keep them from going after us again after the intermission? 497 00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,547 By being so good that they can't heckle us. 498 00:26:56,615 --> 00:27:00,176 And I know just the person for the job. Where's Mercedes? 499 00:27:00,251 --> 00:27:02,412 She's up. 500 00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:05,547 I'm sorry. Ms. Jones has not appreciated the way she's been treated... 501 00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,091 and is refusing to go on. 502 00:27:07,158 --> 00:27:09,251 Let me talk to her. 503 00:27:09,327 --> 00:27:10,817 Don't bother. 504 00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:13,891 Mercedes has left the building. 505 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:15,956 Okay, you guys go find Mercedes. 506 00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:18,093 I'm gonna go deal with the haters. 507 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:27,806 - Are we in trouble? - Oh, no, not at all. 508 00:27:27,879 --> 00:27:29,870 I was just taking the opportunity of intermission... 509 00:27:29,948 --> 00:27:32,178 to tell you guys what great hecklers you are. 510 00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:33,911 You must practice a lot. 511 00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:35,919 Nah, not that much. Just on the Internet only. 512 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:40,117 My posts on NCIS and CSI: Miami chat rooms are legendary. 513 00:27:40,191 --> 00:27:42,523 - You're kidding. I've never seen you on there. - You wouldn't. 514 00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:45,188 Because I post as "NCISucks" or "NCIStupid." 515 00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:49,632 I'm "The Beckster" on the Entertainment Weekly chat room. 516 00:27:49,701 --> 00:27:53,728 And my "CurlyHairinCairo" Twitter account helped bring down Mubarak. 517 00:27:53,805 --> 00:27:56,865 Technology has allowed us to be brutally cruel... 518 00:27:56,941 --> 00:27:59,102 without suffering any consequences. 519 00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:01,236 In the past if I wanted to tell someone they sucked... 520 00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:03,007 I'd have to say it to their face... 521 00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:05,879 which would usually result in them kicking me in the groin. 522 00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:08,748 I get it. We live in a culture of insults. 523 00:28:08,820 --> 00:28:12,984 We're constantly bombarded with these images of people who are richer than us... 524 00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:16,960 and happier than us and have more interesting sex than us... 525 00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:19,155 - and it makes us feel terrible. - Preach. 526 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:21,528 We tear them down to feel better about ourselves. 527 00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:24,534 And we don't just stop with the people who are on TV or in magazines. 528 00:28:24,602 --> 00:28:27,799 We do it to everybody. And we think that because it's done anonymously... 529 00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:29,567 there are no ramifications. 530 00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:33,467 But there are ramifications, guys... 531 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:36,878 because it makes you comfortable with insensitivity. 532 00:28:36,948 --> 00:28:41,885 Do you know that one of the girls you heckled tonight has been crying for an hour? 533 00:28:41,953 --> 00:28:44,444 Are you saying you never ragged on anybody? 534 00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:48,481 Oh, of course I did. I spent three years sending hate mail to Debbie Gibson... 535 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,621 until she wrote me back and said that the stress of my letters is giving her alopecia. 536 00:28:52,697 --> 00:28:56,064 And then I felt terrible because I realized it was just my jealousy... 537 00:28:56,134 --> 00:28:59,160 that she could fill a mall with her adoring fans. 538 00:28:59,237 --> 00:29:01,171 You guys are great kids. 539 00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:04,333 Some of those insults were rad. 540 00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,604 But just think about how you could lift up the world... 541 00:29:06,678 --> 00:29:09,272 if you turn some of those barbs into roses. 542 00:29:09,347 --> 00:29:11,406 Intermission's almost over. 543 00:29:11,483 --> 00:29:15,510 Why don't you get back in there and turn some of that jeering into cheering? 544 00:29:17,188 --> 00:29:19,588 Nah, nah. I think I'm just gonna go home. 545 00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:22,285 Probably do a new post about how handsome Mark Harmon is. 546 00:29:23,194 --> 00:29:24,786 Me too. I'm out. 547 00:29:24,863 --> 00:29:26,831 I'm splitting too. 548 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:29,389 They say if you have nothing nice to say... 549 00:29:31,970 --> 00:29:33,961 I'll be 18 in three years. 550 00:29:34,038 --> 00:29:35,528 Wait for me? 551 00:29:36,574 --> 00:29:39,202 Let me in. Let me in. 552 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:40,574 Come on. It's raining. 553 00:29:41,913 --> 00:29:44,040 We've all been looking for you. 554 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:48,074 Don't bother with the pep talk. I'm not going back in there. My demands were not met. 555 00:29:48,153 --> 00:29:50,178 Have you read anything about Aretha Franklin? 556 00:29:51,422 --> 00:29:53,390 She was a gospel singer. 557 00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,426 And one day she went to this show. 558 00:29:55,493 --> 00:29:57,825 Nothing fancy. It was just a state fair. 559 00:29:57,896 --> 00:30:00,831 And the master of ceremonies hands her a tiara... 560 00:30:00,899 --> 00:30:02,867 and calls her the Queen of Soul. 561 00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:06,093 And that's how she earned her crown. 562 00:30:06,171 --> 00:30:08,503 That's how she gained all of her respect. 563 00:30:08,573 --> 00:30:12,600 Not by-by requesting for special pillows or food... 564 00:30:12,677 --> 00:30:16,113 but for doing what she does best- singing. 565 00:30:16,181 --> 00:30:18,547 I just don't get it. 566 00:30:18,616 --> 00:30:20,777 Why are you a bigger star than me? 567 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,584 You always get the big solos... 568 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,921 the best songs, the moments in the sun. 569 00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:29,960 Why is it never me? 570 00:30:31,129 --> 00:30:32,619 I don't know. 571 00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:37,128 You're just as good of a singer as I am. 572 00:30:37,202 --> 00:30:40,365 - Yeah, and everyone actually likes me. - That's your problem. 573 00:30:40,438 --> 00:30:42,770 Because I would rather be a star than be liked. 574 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:45,969 And I'm not saying that it's healthy... 575 00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:48,103 and I'm not saying that it's better than being loved. 576 00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:52,843 But there's nothing, nothing that I wouldn't do... 577 00:30:52,917 --> 00:30:55,215 for the chance to be in the spotlight. 578 00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:59,586 I just... really wanted that closing slot. 579 00:30:59,657 --> 00:31:02,683 Well, if you want that closing slot... 580 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,662 then go in there and take it from me. 581 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:13,097 Where is everybody? Let's get on with it! 582 00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:15,230 You're a really horrible person, you know that? 583 00:31:15,306 --> 00:31:18,434 You sound like my court-appointed therapist. 584 00:31:18,509 --> 00:31:22,605 - Pink Dagger, I'm gonna need to speak with you right now. - Yes, General. 585 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,807 I had a feeling you might be behind this. 586 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,475 You have no proof. 587 00:31:29,921 --> 00:31:34,085 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Holly Holliday. 588 00:31:46,938 --> 00:31:51,841 # Close enough to start a war # 589 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,038 # All that I have # 590 00:31:55,113 --> 00:31:57,513 # Is on the floor # 591 00:31:59,517 --> 00:32:04,216 # And God only knows what we're fighting for # 592 00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:07,122 # All that I say # 593 00:32:07,191 --> 00:32:11,628 # You always say more # 594 00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:16,531 # I can't keep up with your turning tables # 595 00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:22,437 # Under your thumb I can't breathe # 596 00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,605 # So I won't let you # 597 00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:29,010 # Close enough to hurt me # 598 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,709 # No, I won't ask you # 599 00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,048 # You to just desert me # 600 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:38,748 # I can't give you # 601 00:32:38,823 --> 00:32:41,553 # What you think you gave me # 602 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:45,494 # It's time to say good-bye # 603 00:32:45,563 --> 00:32:50,227 # To turning tables # 604 00:32:51,836 --> 00:32:58,935 # To turning tables # 605 00:32:59,010 --> 00:33:02,104 # Next time I'll be braver # 606 00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:05,240 # I'll be my own savior # 607 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:11,380 # When the thunder calls for me # 608 00:33:11,456 --> 00:33:14,448 # Next time I'll be braver # 609 00:33:14,525 --> 00:33:17,585 # I'll be my own savior # 610 00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:23,931 # Standing on my own two feet # 611 00:33:25,169 --> 00:33:28,229 # I won't let you # 612 00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:30,638 # Close enough to hurt me # 613 00:33:30,708 --> 00:33:34,200 # No, I won't ask you # 614 00:33:34,278 --> 00:33:36,712 # You to just desert me # 615 00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:40,376 # I can't give you # 616 00:33:40,451 --> 00:33:43,011 # What you think you gave me # 617 00:33:43,087 --> 00:33:47,148 # It's time to say good-bye # 618 00:33:47,225 --> 00:33:52,185 # To turning tables # 619 00:33:53,464 --> 00:33:59,630 # To turning tables # 620 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:05,472 # Turning tables, yeah, yeah # 621 00:34:06,277 --> 00:34:09,838 # Turning, yeah # 622 00:34:09,914 --> 00:34:12,940 # Oh, yeah ## 623 00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:27,595 Frankly, I resent your implication. I'm a fantastic super villain. 624 00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:30,634 Sandy, I just saw Jacob Ben Israel, Azimio and Becky Jackson... 625 00:34:30,701 --> 00:34:32,635 leave the benefit they were supposed to be ruining... 626 00:34:32,703 --> 00:34:35,695 together in a car with the license plate "JEW FRO." 627 00:34:35,773 --> 00:34:37,764 I lost track of 'em. 628 00:34:37,842 --> 00:34:40,436 I went into the bathroom. When I came out, they were gone. 629 00:34:40,511 --> 00:34:42,741 I was applying a light coat of powder... 630 00:34:42,814 --> 00:34:45,874 and practicing catch phrases to use when I really take someone down a peg. 631 00:34:45,950 --> 00:34:47,611 Like? 632 00:34:47,685 --> 00:34:51,621 You just got poked- poked by the Dagger. 633 00:34:53,691 --> 00:34:56,251 Your job was to crush their spirit. 634 00:34:56,327 --> 00:34:59,854 And had you done that, they would've closed up shop by intermission. 635 00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,899 Now get back in there... 636 00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:04,958 and question the whole purpose of arts education. 637 00:35:05,036 --> 00:35:09,632 I'm getting back in there. That Glee Club's not gonna know what hit 'em! 638 00:35:09,707 --> 00:35:12,005 I tried, but I don't think she's coming. 639 00:35:12,076 --> 00:35:14,271 I need to start warming up. 640 00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:17,610 Lauren, you're her manager. Why don't you do something? 641 00:35:17,682 --> 00:35:20,276 My client, Ms. Jones, is not picking up her phone. 642 00:35:20,351 --> 00:35:22,216 - Oh. - So- 643 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,584 Ms. Jones is fine. 644 00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:27,021 Wait. Shouldn't one of us be carrying you in? 645 00:35:27,091 --> 00:35:30,151 I have only one more demand. 646 00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:35,962 I demand that all of you get your butts out there and watch me sing. 647 00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:39,628 - Yeah! Holla! - You heard the woman. Let's go. 648 00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:45,375 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Mercedes Jones. 649 00:35:54,485 --> 00:35:56,578 Oh, dear God, I love this song. 650 00:35:58,422 --> 00:36:01,789 # Ain't no way # 651 00:36:03,194 --> 00:36:08,723 # For me to love you # 652 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,859 # If you won't # 653 00:36:11,936 --> 00:36:16,168 # Let me # 654 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:17,764 # Oh, no # 655 00:36:19,243 --> 00:36:23,043 # I know that a woman's duty # 656 00:36:24,215 --> 00:36:30,051 # Is to help and love a man # 657 00:36:30,121 --> 00:36:35,753 # And that's the way it was planned # 658 00:36:35,826 --> 00:36:40,729 # Oh, oh It ain't no way # 659 00:36:40,798 --> 00:36:44,757 # Ain't no way # 660 00:36:44,835 --> 00:36:47,736 # It ain't no way # 661 00:36:47,805 --> 00:36:50,933 # Ain't no way # 662 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:54,341 # It just ain't no way, baby # 663 00:36:54,412 --> 00:36:56,607 # Ain't no way # 664 00:36:56,681 --> 00:36:59,411 # Ain't no way, baby # 665 00:36:59,483 --> 00:37:01,451 # Ain't no way # 666 00:37:01,519 --> 00:37:06,513 # It ain't no way # 667 00:37:06,591 --> 00:37:11,358 # For me to love you # 668 00:37:11,429 --> 00:37:15,297 # If you won't # 669 00:37:15,366 --> 00:37:17,926 # Let me # 670 00:37:22,573 --> 00:37:25,303 # Stop trying to be # 671 00:37:25,376 --> 00:37:31,440 # Someone you're not # 672 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:35,548 # And if you need me # 673 00:37:35,620 --> 00:37:37,247 - # To love you # - # Say # 674 00:37:37,321 --> 00:37:40,757 - # Say, say you do # - # Say, say, say you do # 675 00:37:40,825 --> 00:37:45,353 # Oh, then, baby, baby, baby # 676 00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:47,989 - # Don't you know that I # - # Don't you # 677 00:37:48,065 --> 00:37:50,795 - # Need you? # - # Know that I need # 678 00:37:50,868 --> 00:37:52,563 # Oh-oh # 679 00:37:52,637 --> 00:37:54,935 # Ain't no way # 680 00:37:55,006 --> 00:37:56,803 # Ain't no way # 681 00:37:56,874 --> 00:37:58,865 # I'll tell you that it ain't no way # 682 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:02,003 # It ain't no way, it ain't no way, baby # 683 00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:05,105 # Ain't no way # 684 00:38:05,182 --> 00:38:07,742 # It just ain't no way # 685 00:38:07,818 --> 00:38:09,718 # Ain't no way # 686 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,848 # It sure ain't no way # 687 00:38:13,924 --> 00:38:15,551 # Ain't no way # 688 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,925 # It ain't no way # 689 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:24,662 # For me to love you # 690 00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:30,865 # If you won't # 691 00:38:30,941 --> 00:38:38,507 # Let me ## 692 00:38:48,893 --> 00:38:51,293 All right, girl. 693 00:38:51,362 --> 00:38:53,455 Time for the closing number. Go bring the house down. 694 00:38:53,531 --> 00:38:55,556 Are you kidding me? 695 00:38:55,633 --> 00:38:59,797 Nobody could follow that. The house has been brought down. 696 00:38:59,870 --> 00:39:01,861 That was the closing number. 697 00:39:08,112 --> 00:39:09,340 Bye. 698 00:39:09,413 --> 00:39:10,846 - Hey, hot stuff. - Hey. 699 00:39:10,915 --> 00:39:13,884 How are the kids doing? They were amazeballs tonight, right? 700 00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:15,942 They're good. Everyone's in the choir room. 701 00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:18,955 They all wanna thank you for helping out with the benefit and the hecklers. 702 00:39:19,023 --> 00:39:22,322 Why were you in the janitor's closet with the door closed? 703 00:39:22,393 --> 00:39:25,590 Oh. 'Cause I'm a sub, and that's the office that Figgins gives me. 704 00:39:25,663 --> 00:39:27,096 Guess what. 705 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:30,793 I just got offered a job to teach French in Cleveland. 706 00:39:30,868 --> 00:39:32,665 Isn't that great? 707 00:39:32,737 --> 00:39:34,728 Uh- Full time? 708 00:39:34,805 --> 00:39:37,103 No. Who are you talking to? Four months, tops. 709 00:39:37,174 --> 00:39:39,938 Don't you have any feelings about leaving? 710 00:39:40,010 --> 00:39:41,944 Didn't you listen to my song? 711 00:39:42,012 --> 00:39:45,948 I told you while I live the glamorous life of a substitute teacher... 712 00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:48,007 I'm deathly allergic to commitment. 713 00:39:48,085 --> 00:39:51,077 You knew that this was gonna end this way. 714 00:39:54,792 --> 00:39:57,124 Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 715 00:39:57,194 --> 00:39:59,287 You're too nice for me. 716 00:39:59,363 --> 00:40:02,594 But you broke my record- five dates. 717 00:40:02,666 --> 00:40:05,760 You counted that one we had in the janitor's closet yesterday? 718 00:40:05,836 --> 00:40:08,100 That was my favorite one. 719 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:10,197 Mine too. 720 00:40:13,043 --> 00:40:15,102 You think you're ever gonna settle down? 721 00:40:16,614 --> 00:40:18,104 Maybe. 722 00:40:20,818 --> 00:40:22,809 But not with you. 723 00:40:24,388 --> 00:40:26,549 You're in love with somebody else. 724 00:40:26,624 --> 00:40:30,082 And thanks to my counseling, she's available now. 725 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:44,135 And by the way, she's totally into you too. 726 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,698 Holly. 727 00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:51,003 Will you come back and visit? 728 00:40:54,151 --> 00:40:56,312 I thought you'd never ask. 729 00:41:13,437 --> 00:41:15,905 Sandy. What are you doing in here? 730 00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:18,874 I tried to be a hater, but I just couldn't do it. 731 00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:21,741 That song and the weed I smoked immediately prior... 732 00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:24,679 it gave me a change of heart. 733 00:41:24,748 --> 00:41:28,115 - Mr. Ryerson offered to pay for our trip. - Bring it! 734 00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:30,483 It's drug money, but, you know... 735 00:41:30,554 --> 00:41:33,284 it's actually a fantastic way to launder it. 736 00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:36,753 Good-bye, William. 737 00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:39,557 I miss the arts. I really do. 738 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,593 You just got poked... 739 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,369 poked by the Dagger. 740 00:41:50,608 --> 00:41:52,075 - Thank you! - Whoo! 741 00:41:52,142 --> 00:41:55,942 Detroit! Detroit! Detroit! Detroit! Detroit! Detroit! 742 00:41:57,348 --> 00:41:59,475 This is a disaster. 743 00:41:59,550 --> 00:42:04,112 Pink Dagger, not only did you fail to disrupt the Night of Neglect... 744 00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:05,621 you funded it in full. 745 00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:07,987 In fact, you were its only donor. 746 00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:09,753 Aretha's my kryptonite. 747 00:42:09,827 --> 00:42:13,422 Sergeant Handsome, what do you have to say for yourself? 748 00:42:13,497 --> 00:42:15,590 Hey, I did get them to break up. 749 00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:18,601 Who knew it was gonna be amicable and sort of have nothing to do with me? 750 00:42:18,669 --> 00:42:21,229 I pulled Sunshine out of the benefit. Don't I get credit for that? 751 00:42:21,305 --> 00:42:25,969 No. In my hour of need, Honey Badger, I turn to you. 752 00:42:26,043 --> 00:42:28,273 Your time has come. 753 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:35,349 At the end of regulation, we're all tied up. 754 00:42:35,419 --> 00:42:37,011 Excuse me. Mr. Remington? 755 00:42:37,087 --> 00:42:39,578 We would just like to say hi to our friends in Glee Club. 756 00:42:39,657 --> 00:42:41,284 - We love you guys. - Love you. 757 00:42:41,358 --> 00:42:42,290 - And now- - Love you. 758 00:42:42,359 --> 00:42:44,452 The tiebreaker question. 759 00:42:44,528 --> 00:42:47,691 The category: Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathizers. 760 00:43:27,871 --> 00:43:28,860 English - US - SDH