1 00:00:01,607 --> 00:00:03,675 NARRATOR: Kids, when your Uncle Marshall finally quit 2 00:00:03,685 --> 00:00:06,319 Goliath National Bank to do something better with his life, 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,000 he left on great terms with his boss. 4 00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:10,103 Good luck, Marshall. And promise 5 00:00:10,104 --> 00:00:12,438 you'll list me as a reference. 6 00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:16,509 NARRATOR: Which made Marshall's big interview 7 00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,544 with a respected environmental organization 8 00:00:18,545 --> 00:00:19,779 all the more confusing. 9 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:21,280 I'm sorry. I don't think you're the kind 10 00:00:21,281 --> 00:00:22,648 of person we're looking for. 11 00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:25,752 I just got off the phone with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB. 12 00:00:25,753 --> 00:00:27,954 Oh, yeah, I worked with Marshall Eriksen... 13 00:00:27,955 --> 00:00:30,523 at least I did when he actually showed up. 14 00:00:30,524 --> 00:00:34,093 Marshall! Hey, it's, uh, it's 2:30. 15 00:00:34,094 --> 00:00:36,012 If it's no big deal, we'd sure love it 16 00:00:36,013 --> 00:00:38,131 if you'd try to get here at least before lunch. 17 00:00:38,132 --> 00:00:40,900 Yeah? And I'd sure love to give a rat's ass. 18 00:00:41,568 --> 00:00:43,069 (slaps bottom) 19 00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:47,206 Oh! Mr. Eriksen... 20 00:00:47,207 --> 00:00:49,675 You're not wearing any pants. 21 00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:52,078 Your move. 22 00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,034 But Marshall, wh... What about the environment? 23 00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:01,154 Screw the environment! 24 00:01:01,155 --> 00:01:02,755 "Screw the environment"?! 25 00:01:02,756 --> 00:01:04,190 Oh, yeah. 26 00:01:04,191 --> 00:01:07,860 We fired him when we caught him clubbing a seal in his office 27 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:10,096 with an even cuter seal. 28 00:01:10,097 --> 00:01:12,265 The guy's a maniac. 29 00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:16,352 He's just an awful, flatulent racist. 30 00:01:16,353 --> 00:01:17,437 Sir, none of that is... 31 00:01:17,438 --> 00:01:20,239 Sorry. Interview over. 32 00:01:23,343 --> 00:01:27,180 NARRATOR: And so Marshall stormed over to GNB, where he ran into Zoey. 33 00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:28,898 If you want to get back at those jerks, 34 00:01:28,899 --> 00:01:31,250 I have a proposition for you. 35 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,888 Invitations for the demolition of The Arcadian. 36 00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:38,324 As head of the project, I get to decide how we knock it down. 37 00:01:38,325 --> 00:01:41,544 I'm torn between training an actual coyote 38 00:01:41,545 --> 00:01:43,396 to use an ACME dynamite plunger, 39 00:01:43,397 --> 00:01:46,666 or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar 40 00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:49,635 that goes off the second he hits the last note 41 00:01:49,636 --> 00:01:50,970 to "Hot For Teacher." 42 00:01:50,971 --> 00:01:54,423 (mimics high guitar note, fuse igniting, explosion) 43 00:01:54,424 --> 00:01:57,093 (mimics crowd chanting): Barney! Barney! Bar... 44 00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:59,078 No, no. I'm going to go coyote. 45 00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,714 Wait. While no one wants to see 46 00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:04,016 a, uh, coyote wearing a little hard hat 47 00:02:04,017 --> 00:02:05,718 more than me, remember: 48 00:02:05,719 --> 00:02:08,888 Zoey's protest could still shut your whole project down. 49 00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:10,723 Oh, come on. Zoey's not shutting anything down, 50 00:02:10,724 --> 00:02:12,291 standing out there with her stupid megaphone, 51 00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:15,761 screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; 52 00:02:15,762 --> 00:02:18,498 her perky breasts heaving; 53 00:02:18,499 --> 00:02:20,900 her self-righteous nipples... 54 00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:22,401 Dude, that's my girlfriend. 55 00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:26,772 Point is, we are taking her and The Arcadian down. 56 00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:28,174 Am I right, Teddy Westside? 57 00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:29,926 You know it. Ha-ha! 58 00:02:29,927 --> 00:02:31,744 Okay. See, that's so weird to me. 59 00:02:31,745 --> 00:02:34,146 One second you're defending Zoey, 60 00:02:34,147 --> 00:02:36,182 and the next, you're talking about her going down. 61 00:02:36,183 --> 00:02:38,351 Glad to know she's also mouthy in a good way. 62 00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:40,720 (guffaws) What up? 63 00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:43,055 Dude, that's his girlfriend. 64 00:02:43,056 --> 00:02:45,625 Isn't it tough dating the woman 65 00:02:45,626 --> 00:02:48,027 that's trying to prevent your building from being built? 66 00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:49,328 At first, yes, but we figured out 67 00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:52,298 a great way to deal with it: we never talk about it. 68 00:02:52,299 --> 00:02:55,368 And since then, we've really been enjoying each other's company. 69 00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:57,203 So, every time The Arcadian comes up, 70 00:02:57,204 --> 00:02:59,805 you guys just awkwardly change the subject? 71 00:02:59,806 --> 00:03:01,374 Yeah, but you'd be surprised. 72 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:02,875 It doesn't even come up that often. 73 00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,577 - Hey, guys. - ALL: Hey! 74 00:03:04,578 --> 00:03:08,080 Meet the new lawyer I hired to help save The Arcadian. 75 00:03:11,952 --> 00:03:14,554 So Oprah's retiring. Oof! 76 00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:17,290 What's that world gonna be like? 77 00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:22,491 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x22 ♪ The Perfect Cocktail Original Air Date on May 2, 2011 78 00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:26,516 == sync, corrected by elderman == 79 00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:34,507 Wait, Marshall's helping you save The Arcadian, now? 80 00:03:34,508 --> 00:03:36,792 Yeah. Having a former GNB employee 81 00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:38,611 on our side is huge for us. 82 00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:41,364 GNB is going down. Yeah, totally. 83 00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:46,786 So, they found water on Mars. What? 84 00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:48,988 Listen, um, I hate to go up 85 00:03:48,989 --> 00:03:50,623 against my two best friends, but... 86 00:03:50,624 --> 00:03:52,458 I really, I really need this right now. 87 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,793 I mean, we're, we're cool, right? 88 00:03:53,794 --> 00:03:57,763 Not only do you quit the job I stuck my neck out to get you, 89 00:03:57,764 --> 00:04:00,132 now you sabotage the project I'm in charge of? 90 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,001 Is this because I brushed Lily's boob 91 00:04:02,002 --> 00:04:03,202 with my elbow, the other day? 92 00:04:03,203 --> 00:04:05,071 That was on purpose! What now? 93 00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:06,939 I mean this is really like... Barney, please... 94 00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:10,242 NARRATOR: And thus began an all-out war between Barney and Marshall... 95 00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:12,678 Delivery from Mr. Stinson. 96 00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,680 Barney sent us pictures of himself. 97 00:04:14,681 --> 00:04:16,782 Oh, God. What's he doing to that megaphone?! 98 00:04:16,783 --> 00:04:18,584 (screams) 99 00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,389 (screams) ZOEY: Oh! 100 00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:25,324 (laughing) 101 00:04:25,325 --> 00:04:27,910 ♪ Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! ♪ 102 00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:29,996 NARRATOR: Later, back at the bar... 103 00:04:29,997 --> 00:04:32,231 another war was just beginning. 104 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:37,369 Babe, can I get you a drink? 105 00:04:37,370 --> 00:04:39,605 No, I'm still not... 106 00:04:39,606 --> 00:04:41,390 ready to put my mouth on anything yet. 107 00:04:41,391 --> 00:04:43,409 (sighs) I know. 108 00:04:44,811 --> 00:04:46,912 You know what? Screw this. 109 00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,597 Game on. 110 00:04:56,256 --> 00:04:57,723 Can you believe this one? 111 00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:59,408 Wants our booth. 112 00:04:59,409 --> 00:05:00,993 Keeps giving us the walk-by. 113 00:05:00,994 --> 00:05:04,080 That bitch is not giving us the walk-by. 114 00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,498 The walk-by with the stink eye. 115 00:05:05,499 --> 00:05:07,099 (falsetto): A stink-eye-walk-by?! 116 00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,068 Aw, hell no! 117 00:05:09,069 --> 00:05:10,670 I hope this drink isn't teething, 118 00:05:10,671 --> 00:05:12,237 'cause it's about to get nursed. 119 00:05:12,238 --> 00:05:15,508 (clunks heels) (murmurs) 120 00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:17,793 Barney! Your wife just called from the hospital! 121 00:05:17,794 --> 00:05:19,378 It's a boy! 122 00:05:19,379 --> 00:05:22,581 No. I' was... I was... 123 00:05:24,084 --> 00:05:26,118 NARRATOR: This went on for days. 124 00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:28,054 Congratulations. 125 00:05:28,055 --> 00:05:31,090 You're about to be the 250th girl that Barney has slept with. 126 00:05:31,091 --> 00:05:32,525 BARNEY: Pfff. Try 283. 127 00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:35,127 250 was months ago. No, no, no. 128 00:05:35,128 --> 00:05:37,646 No, I mean, you're totally 250, baby. 129 00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:39,115 No, don't. 130 00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:41,317 Oh, bye-bye. 131 00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:46,806 Mr. Stinson... 132 00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:50,109 I had to rush down as soon as I got your results. 133 00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:51,127 I'm sorry, 134 00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:54,647 but your crabs have super-herpes. 135 00:05:58,785 --> 00:06:00,553 Oh, boy. 136 00:06:00,554 --> 00:06:01,987 Look who's back. 137 00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:05,391 Look, Lily, I think this girl wants our seats. 138 00:06:05,392 --> 00:06:07,059 Should we leave... or stay here 139 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:11,630 Lionel Richie style-- "All Night Long"? 140 00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:14,299 Excuse me waitress, I'll have a mojito! 141 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,652 And you'll have a no-seat-ho. 142 00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:17,686 Oh...! 143 00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:19,572 (wry laugh) 144 00:06:22,309 --> 00:06:24,443 MARSHALL: Ah, yes... 145 00:06:24,444 --> 00:06:27,646 the sweet, smoky taste of victory. 146 00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:30,249 Are you sure it doesn't taste like anything else? 147 00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:32,651 That's it! 148 00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,986 Kent! Kent! 149 00:06:34,988 --> 00:06:36,539 Oh, God! Ow... 150 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,507 Why would you do that to your own jacket?! 151 00:06:38,508 --> 00:06:40,826 That's what you get, you traitor! 152 00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:43,712 Oh, really? Really? Yeah. Really. 153 00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:45,664 Really. That... what... (bottles smashing) 154 00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,801 Okay, enough! You guys are out of here. 155 00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:51,003 (angry grunt) Ejected! 156 00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:52,805 I meant all of you. 157 00:06:52,806 --> 00:06:55,708 You're all banned from the bar. Out! 158 00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,810 Carl! (exasperated sigh) 159 00:06:57,811 --> 00:06:59,345 Oh... This has nothing to do with us. 160 00:06:59,346 --> 00:07:00,980 You're totally ridiculous. 161 00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:02,748 (gasps) 162 00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:04,033 (contented sigh) 163 00:07:04,034 --> 00:07:05,401 (wry laugh) 164 00:07:05,402 --> 00:07:07,953 Don't look, baby. Just don't look. Come on. 165 00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,765 This stupid feud isn't going to end until Marshall and Barney 166 00:07:16,766 --> 00:07:18,300 finally talk about their feelings, cry, 167 00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:20,969 and then hug it out like they do on Oprah. 168 00:07:21,988 --> 00:07:23,989 Man, what are we going to do without her? 169 00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:26,192 (sighing): Oh... 170 00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:32,365 Wait, you know what, these guys are not going to get all mushy sober. 171 00:07:32,366 --> 00:07:34,166 We need to get these bitches drunk. 172 00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,802 Yes, but the right kind of drunk. 173 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:39,405 Uh... we should go with something mellow. 174 00:07:39,406 --> 00:07:41,440 Maybe red wine? 175 00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:42,541 Oh, I don't know. 176 00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:45,044 Red wine has kind of an odd effect on Barney. 177 00:07:45,045 --> 00:07:48,381 ROBIN: He reaches a point of sad clarity. 178 00:07:48,382 --> 00:07:49,682 CROWD (chanting): Ten, nine, eight... 179 00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:51,550 I'm a B-plus. 180 00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:53,419 My whole life, I was hoping to be an A, 181 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:55,654 and I'm a B-plus. 182 00:07:55,655 --> 00:07:57,656 And I'm okay with that. 183 00:07:57,657 --> 00:07:59,859 CROWD: Happy New Year! 184 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,527 If we want them to open up, 185 00:08:01,528 --> 00:08:04,029 I say we go straight-up gin. 186 00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:06,065 Oh... last time Marshall got gin-drunk 187 00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:08,868 was at that douchey bar Barney likes to go to. 188 00:08:08,869 --> 00:08:11,487 Marshall almost got in a fight that night. 189 00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,546 MARSHALL: Look at this meatball. 190 00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:24,250 He's headed right towards me, showing me no respect. 191 00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:25,618 Well, if he wants to play chicken, 192 00:08:25,619 --> 00:08:28,137 this rooster ain't backing down! 193 00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:29,355 (banging) 194 00:08:31,024 --> 00:08:35,761 Oh. Mirror. 195 00:08:35,762 --> 00:08:37,430 How about martinis? 196 00:08:37,431 --> 00:08:38,664 Absolutely not. 197 00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:40,933 I'm not going anywhere near you and a martini. 198 00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:42,768 Why not? 199 00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:44,320 Ooh... 200 00:08:44,321 --> 00:08:46,705 You know what would be stupid? 201 00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,140 If we made out. 202 00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:50,359 (giggling): That would be so stupid. 203 00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:55,114 Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out. 204 00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:57,616 Every time. 205 00:08:57,617 --> 00:09:01,620 I only say that because it would be so stupid if we did. 206 00:09:01,621 --> 00:09:04,056 So stupid... 207 00:09:04,057 --> 00:09:05,124 Uh-huh. 208 00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:09,228 Oh, yeah? Well... what about you and absinthe? 209 00:09:09,229 --> 00:09:11,864 MARSHALL: I don't know. We could have water, soda, purple stuff... 210 00:09:11,865 --> 00:09:15,267 ROBIN: We're a dream a baby's having. 211 00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,719 We're a dream a baby's having. 212 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,704 (giggling) 213 00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:20,072 I keep telling you, that didn't happen. 214 00:09:20,073 --> 00:09:22,041 It happened, and it changed me. 215 00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:24,176 How about daiquiris? 216 00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:27,363 Maybe. When Marshall has daiquiris... 217 00:09:27,364 --> 00:09:30,983 LILY: he gets really into how beautiful he is. 218 00:09:30,984 --> 00:09:36,422 Hey. I dare you guys to dare us to make out. 219 00:09:36,423 --> 00:09:38,924 Hey, Marsh, you know that's another mirror, right? 220 00:09:41,661 --> 00:09:43,162 Peppermint schnapps? 221 00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:44,363 No. Peppermint schnapps 222 00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:46,465 turns Barney into Richard Dawson. 223 00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:48,734 Who? The crazy old host of Family Feud, 224 00:09:48,735 --> 00:09:51,604 who greeted women by kissing them on the mouth. 225 00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:53,305 (as Richard Dawson): Hey there, darlin'. 226 00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:56,175 How you doin'? 227 00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:58,844 Ah, is this your sister? 228 00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:00,179 Mmm... 229 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,514 Beautiful. 230 00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:02,915 Mmm... 231 00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:06,085 Hey, where are our chicken wings? 232 00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:07,770 Show me chicken wings! 233 00:10:07,771 --> 00:10:08,821 (bell dings) 234 00:10:08,822 --> 00:10:11,941 OTHERS: Good order, Ted! Good order! 235 00:10:11,942 --> 00:10:14,360 Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey, then we're off. 236 00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:16,278 See you Sunday. LILY: Oh, wait, Ted. 237 00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:20,132 Do you have a specific reaction to any kind of alcohol? 238 00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:21,567 Bourbon. 239 00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:23,168 When I drink bourbon... 240 00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:26,422 I get weirdly good at beatboxing. 241 00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:31,443 (beatboxing) 242 00:10:33,964 --> 00:10:35,214 Peace, I'm out. 243 00:10:35,215 --> 00:10:36,432 (crowd cheering) 244 00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:37,883 Yes! Yes! 245 00:10:37,884 --> 00:10:39,919 Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you, 246 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,055 but the bourbon only makes it sound good to you. 247 00:10:43,823 --> 00:10:46,926 (beatboxing discordantly) 248 00:10:46,927 --> 00:10:48,594 ♪ Ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki ♪ 249 00:10:48,595 --> 00:10:50,095 ♪ Ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka ♪ 250 00:10:50,096 --> 00:10:52,731 ♪ Koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo, poo... poo... ♪ 251 00:10:52,732 --> 00:10:53,966 (spitty breaths) 252 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:55,000 Poo! 253 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,136 Peace. I'm out. 254 00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:03,976 You had to take that away from me, didn't you? 255 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:08,130 Well, enjoy Martha's Vineyard. 256 00:11:08,131 --> 00:11:09,448 Hopefully by the time you get back, 257 00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:10,683 we'll be allowed back into MacLaren's. 258 00:11:10,684 --> 00:11:12,084 What do you mean? 259 00:11:12,085 --> 00:11:14,620 Barney and Marshall's feud got us banned from the bar. 260 00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:17,489 We lost our booth. 261 00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:18,624 Stop. 262 00:11:18,625 --> 00:11:21,794 Man, how did things get so screwed up? 263 00:11:21,795 --> 00:11:24,296 NARRATOR: Of course I knew the answer to that. 264 00:11:24,297 --> 00:11:25,898 I was dating her. 265 00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:28,901 But I wasn't about to ruin our first big romantic weekend away 266 00:11:28,902 --> 00:11:30,302 by bringing up the one topic 267 00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:32,738 we agreed was completely off-limits. 268 00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:35,407 You and The Arcadian are ruining my life! What? 269 00:11:35,408 --> 00:11:36,825 I thought we weren't talking about... 270 00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,360 We're talking about this. 271 00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:40,579 Look, I can handle you trying to prevent me 272 00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,864 from fulfilling a life-long dream. 273 00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:44,116 That's just being in a relationship. 274 00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:46,085 But now? You turn my best friend against me? 275 00:11:46,086 --> 00:11:48,320 Marshall made his own choice. Why aren't you mad at him? 276 00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:49,955 Because he's going through a lot right now. 277 00:11:49,956 --> 00:11:51,507 He, he's looking for something to believe in, 278 00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:52,875 and you took advantage of that. 279 00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:54,793 You're, you're just like those Internet swindlers 280 00:11:54,794 --> 00:11:56,345 who tricked him into paying 300 bucks 281 00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:57,680 for a lock of Sasquatch fur. 282 00:11:57,681 --> 00:12:01,016 You cannot compare The Arcadian to a Ziploc bag 283 00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:02,434 full of Turkish armpit hair. 284 00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:03,569 The Arcadian 285 00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:05,270 is a beautiful, magnificent hotel. 286 00:12:05,271 --> 00:12:08,273 Okay. You know what? We're settling this once and for all. 287 00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:11,443 Okay. 288 00:12:11,444 --> 00:12:13,612 We've cross-referenced every alcohol 289 00:12:13,613 --> 00:12:15,581 with Marshall and Barney's reaction. 290 00:12:15,582 --> 00:12:17,583 What's the right drink for this situation? 291 00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,418 ROBIN: Well, they're not talking. 292 00:12:19,419 --> 00:12:20,919 They're not even looking at each other. 293 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,622 That reminds me of those awkward Sunday dinners 294 00:12:23,623 --> 00:12:25,357 with my mom, my dad and his mistress. 295 00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:26,959 (laughs) 296 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,260 Families, right? 297 00:12:28,261 --> 00:12:30,863 I-I guess. That... 298 00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:32,898 seems like a whole other thing. 299 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,769 We need a drink that will start a fight. 300 00:12:39,072 --> 00:12:41,540 Do you know what I had to do to get you that job? 301 00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,808 Do you know what I had to do 302 00:12:42,809 --> 00:12:44,209 to will myself to show up every day? 303 00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:45,411 What, wear a wrinkled suit 304 00:12:45,412 --> 00:12:47,646 and not give a damn about what your hair looked like? 305 00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:50,416 I showed up with wet hair once! 306 00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:51,517 Once! 307 00:12:51,518 --> 00:12:53,902 BARNEY: Oh, my God. 308 00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:57,156 (door opens) 309 00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:59,408 Well, here we are. 310 00:12:59,409 --> 00:13:01,627 I had a reservation at a four-star inn 311 00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:03,562 overlooking the ocean but, uh... 312 00:13:03,563 --> 00:13:09,785 How can that compete with such a beautiful, magnificent hotel? 313 00:13:15,041 --> 00:13:18,177 Welcome to The Arcadian. 314 00:13:18,178 --> 00:13:20,112 (animals squeaking, scurrying) 315 00:13:25,716 --> 00:13:27,483 So here's the deal. 316 00:13:27,484 --> 00:13:31,853 If you can last until sunrise in your precious Arcadian, 317 00:13:31,858 --> 00:13:32,992 I'll join your side. 318 00:13:33,075 --> 00:13:34,342 You're on. 319 00:13:34,343 --> 00:13:36,311 This place is fantastic. 320 00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:38,212 They even left a chocolate on the pillow. 321 00:13:38,213 --> 00:13:39,514 That's not a chocolate. 322 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,251 (arguing heatedly) 323 00:13:43,252 --> 00:13:44,919 Okay, now we need to get them something 324 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,821 that will make them emotionally vulnerable 325 00:13:46,822 --> 00:13:48,456 and completely, pathetically honest. 326 00:13:48,457 --> 00:13:49,991 Yeah, we need a drink that, 327 00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:53,027 that takes subtext and turns it into text. Yeah. 328 00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:58,099 See, ever since the death of my father, 329 00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,885 I have been drawn to the idea of preservation. 330 00:14:00,886 --> 00:14:02,937 That's why The Arcadian speaks to me. 331 00:14:02,938 --> 00:14:06,307 Ever since my father walked out on my childhood, 332 00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:08,743 I've had serious abandonment issues. 333 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:10,361 You walking out on me like that... 334 00:14:10,362 --> 00:14:11,913 Oh God, I didn't even think of that... 335 00:14:11,914 --> 00:14:14,415 It made me wonder, "What could I have done to make him stay?" 336 00:14:14,416 --> 00:14:16,985 Look, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you, Barney. 337 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,386 That's what everyone keeps saying 338 00:14:18,387 --> 00:14:19,821 but people just keep leaving me. 339 00:14:19,822 --> 00:14:22,023 (sobbing) 340 00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,560 Wow. That got real o'clock. Yeah. 341 00:14:25,561 --> 00:14:27,929 We need to get them up and having fun. 342 00:14:32,718 --> 00:14:34,802 (Robin laughs) 343 00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:36,421 Dance, my puppets, dance! 344 00:14:36,422 --> 00:14:38,506 LILY: Now do you see why I'm always interfering 345 00:14:38,507 --> 00:14:39,941 in other people's lives? 346 00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:41,943 Oh, God, totally! 347 00:14:43,946 --> 00:14:46,180 Mm. Please? 348 00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:49,984 Well, we're here for the night. 349 00:14:49,985 --> 00:14:52,353 Might as well have some fun. 350 00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:55,289 Care to join me? 351 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,824 Dust just flew out of that comforter 352 00:14:56,825 --> 00:14:58,326 in the shape of a skull. 353 00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:01,796 Whoa, something just passed through me. 354 00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:04,832 Can you get STDs from the ghost of a prostitute? 355 00:15:07,269 --> 00:15:08,202 (woman in bathroom screams) 356 00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:09,470 (screams) What are... 357 00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:11,072 What are you doing in our bathroom? 358 00:15:11,073 --> 00:15:14,175 WOMAN (with thick accent): This bathroom for entire floor! 359 00:15:14,176 --> 00:15:16,778 (toilet flushes) 360 00:15:18,013 --> 00:15:19,614 Okay. Final round. 361 00:15:19,615 --> 00:15:21,749 What simple act will get the boys 362 00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,151 to finally forgive each other? 363 00:15:23,152 --> 00:15:24,719 Sharing a brandy. 364 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,789 Which is what I walked in on my parents doing once. 365 00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:29,857 Brandy was my father's mistress. 366 00:15:29,858 --> 00:15:31,059 God, parents. Right? 367 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,929 Again, just a whole other thing, sweetie. 368 00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:36,497 Where'd they go? 369 00:15:36,498 --> 00:15:38,533 Oh, no. They did shots. 370 00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:40,034 (sniffs) What? What is it? 371 00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:44,072 What's the worst thing they could possibly drink right now? 372 00:15:50,579 --> 00:15:52,513 Your place or mi... (hiccups) 373 00:15:52,514 --> 00:15:55,917 Your place or mi... (hiccups) 374 00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:58,386 Le-Let's go to your place. Mm. 375 00:16:01,757 --> 00:16:04,992 NARRATOR: Kids, don't drink tequila. 376 00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:09,564 Uh, these were supposed to be for a romantic dinner 377 00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:11,165 on our balcony as we were serenaded 378 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,234 by the sounds of the ocean. 379 00:16:13,235 --> 00:16:15,503 But I guess we'll have to settle for what sounded like 380 00:16:15,504 --> 00:16:18,873 two very large men having sex next door... 381 00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:21,943 with a third very small man. 382 00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:23,177 I think that small man 383 00:16:23,178 --> 00:16:25,513 sounded very moved by The Arcadian's beauty. 384 00:16:25,514 --> 00:16:28,382 Okay. What is it? 385 00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:30,818 And don't give me, "It's beautiful." 386 00:16:30,819 --> 00:16:32,820 Don't give me, "It's magnificent." 387 00:16:32,821 --> 00:16:35,056 What is it about this place 388 00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:37,425 that makes you so passionate to save it? 389 00:16:42,164 --> 00:16:44,332 Well... 390 00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:47,869 When I was a little girl... 391 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:49,837 my family used to live here. 392 00:16:49,838 --> 00:16:52,140 Why, why have you never told me that? 393 00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:54,776 I never told anyone that. 394 00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:56,711 It makes it sound like it would be impossible 395 00:16:56,712 --> 00:16:58,679 for me to be objective, but... 396 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,648 (sighs) 397 00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:03,951 The truth is, I... 398 00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:06,087 I loved growing up here. 399 00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:09,924 We had just moved to New York. 400 00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:12,560 We were completely broke. 401 00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:15,363 But my mom told my sisters and me 402 00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,165 that The Arcadian was a castle. 403 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,234 And we believed her. 404 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:26,541 I know it's not what it used to be... 405 00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:30,578 but this building is a part of who I am. 406 00:17:32,014 --> 00:17:34,715 And that's why I want so badly 407 00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:37,852 (choking up): for you to like it, too. 408 00:17:37,853 --> 00:17:41,622 NARRATOR: Kids, you never forget the first time-- or place-- 409 00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:43,357 you tell a girl: 410 00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:45,293 I love you. 411 00:17:45,294 --> 00:17:48,095 I love you, too. 412 00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:54,235 (toilet flushes) 413 00:17:57,272 --> 00:17:58,973 Come on in, you're un-banned. 414 00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:00,074 I gave these guys 415 00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:02,376 some drinks and they calmed down and made up. 416 00:18:02,377 --> 00:18:04,679 Well, what drink finally did the trick? 417 00:18:06,582 --> 00:18:08,649 ROBIN: Of course, 418 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:09,617 beer. Beer. 419 00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:12,687 I love you. I love you. 420 00:18:12,688 --> 00:18:13,955 (laughing drunkenly) 421 00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,356 Uh, no. N-Not right... 422 00:18:17,659 --> 00:18:18,926 You know, 423 00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:21,495 I guess this place isn't so bad. 424 00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:24,031 See? With a little renovation, we could restore it 425 00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:24,966 to its former... 426 00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:26,601 What was that? What was what? 427 00:18:26,602 --> 00:18:28,369 I think it went under the bed. Yeah. 428 00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:29,170 I don't see anything. 429 00:18:29,171 --> 00:18:31,205 (squeaks) (screams) 430 00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:32,974 That, that was... that! 431 00:18:32,975 --> 00:18:34,809 Oh, my God! 432 00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,510 It's the cock-a-mouse! 433 00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:37,979 The what? 434 00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:39,413 Cock-a-mouse. 435 00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:42,550 Part cockroach, part mouse. 436 00:18:42,551 --> 00:18:44,285 It used to live in our apartment. 437 00:18:44,286 --> 00:18:46,721 It must have settled here, and... Oh! 438 00:18:46,722 --> 00:18:48,522 Look, it had babies! Good for it. 439 00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:49,857 (baby cock-a-mice squeaking) 440 00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:51,842 Ew.... 441 00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:53,928 I give up. You win. Let's go! 442 00:18:56,648 --> 00:18:58,833 Be well, my friends! 443 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,807 Aw, just how we left them. 444 00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:09,026 Morning. 445 00:19:09,027 --> 00:19:10,845 Who wants breakfast? 446 00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,830 You have some coffee? 447 00:19:12,831 --> 00:19:15,917 So I can throw it in this traitor's face? 448 00:19:15,918 --> 00:19:18,336 Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey! Do you guys have some 449 00:19:18,337 --> 00:19:21,756 pancakes, because I... would really like some pancakes. 450 00:19:21,757 --> 00:19:23,891 They're fantastic. Let's be honest, I love them. 451 00:19:23,892 --> 00:19:25,526 But I hate this guy! 452 00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:27,662 I thought they made up last night. 453 00:19:27,663 --> 00:19:29,964 (sighs) Damn it, I know what happened. 454 00:19:29,965 --> 00:19:33,301 I love you. I love you. 455 00:19:34,436 --> 00:19:35,853 Uh, no. N-not right... 456 00:19:37,439 --> 00:19:38,673 Carl, 457 00:19:38,674 --> 00:19:40,942 a round of champagne. Ooh! 458 00:19:40,943 --> 00:19:42,243 The champagne. 459 00:19:42,244 --> 00:19:43,811 We gave them one drink too many. 460 00:19:43,812 --> 00:19:45,746 They must've blacked out and forgotten the whole thing. 461 00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:47,514 What kind of dirtbag 462 00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:49,550 doesn't stand by his best friends, 463 00:19:49,551 --> 00:19:53,054 but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch 464 00:19:53,055 --> 00:19:55,790 with a pointless cause and a megaphone? TED: Dude. 465 00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:58,059 That's my girlfriend. 466 00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,628 And you know what? 467 00:20:00,629 --> 00:20:03,497 I'm on her side now, too. 468 00:20:04,716 --> 00:20:07,601 Whoa, whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Ted... 469 00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,537 Okay, what drink can fix this? 470 00:20:09,538 --> 00:20:10,921 Mama's done with this drama. 471 00:20:10,922 --> 00:20:14,075 What drink can fix the headache these clowns are giving me? 472 00:20:14,076 --> 00:20:16,744 I got it. 473 00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:21,215 Right? 474 00:20:21,216 --> 00:20:23,934 LILY: Time is music the planets make. 475 00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,019 Music the planets make... 476 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:28,122 (both giggling) 477 00:20:41,639 --> 00:20:44,541 What is that? 478 00:20:47,612 --> 00:20:49,513 (gagging) 479 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,816 (gagging) 480 00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:56,317 == sync, corrected by elderman ==