1
00:00:01,607 --> 00:00:03,675
Kids, when your Uncle Marshall
finally quit
2
00:00:03,685 --> 00:00:06,319
Goliath National Bank to do
something better with his life,
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,000
he left on great terms
with his boss.
4
00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:10,103
Good luck, Marshall. And promise
5
00:00:10,104 --> 00:00:12,438
you'll list me as a reference.
6
00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:16,509
Which made Marshall's
big interview
7
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,544
with a respected
environmental organization
8
00:00:18,545 --> 00:00:19,779
all the more confusing.
9
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:21,280
I'm sorry. I don't think
you're the kind
10
00:00:21,281 --> 00:00:22,648
of person we're looking for.
11
00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:25,752
I just got off the phone
with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB.
12
00:00:25,753 --> 00:00:27,954
Oh, yeah, I worked
with Marshall Eriksen...
13
00:00:27,955 --> 00:00:30,523
at least I did
when he actually showed up.
14
00:00:30,524 --> 00:00:34,093
Marshall! Hey, it's,
uh, it's 2:30.
15
00:00:34,094 --> 00:00:36,012
If it's no big deal,
we'd sure love it
16
00:00:36,013 --> 00:00:38,131
if you'd try to get here
at least before lunch.
17
00:00:38,132 --> 00:00:40,900
Yeah? And I'd sure love
to give a rat's ass.
18
00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:47,206
Oh! Mr. Eriksen...
19
00:00:47,207 --> 00:00:49,675
You're not wearing any pants.
20
00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:52,078
Your move.
21
00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,034
But Marshall, wh...
What about the environment?
22
00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:01,154
Screw the environment!
23
00:01:01,155 --> 00:01:02,755
"Screw the environment"?!
24
00:01:02,756 --> 00:01:04,190
Oh, yeah.
25
00:01:04,191 --> 00:01:07,860
We fired him when we caught him
clubbing a seal in his office
26
00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:10,096
with an even cuter seal.
27
00:01:10,097 --> 00:01:12,265
The guy's a maniac.
28
00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:16,352
He's just an awful,
flatulent racist.
29
00:01:16,353 --> 00:01:17,437
Sir, none of that is...
30
00:01:17,438 --> 00:01:20,239
Sorry. Interview over.
31
00:01:23,343 --> 00:01:27,180
And so Marshall stormed over
to GNB, where he ran into Zoey.
32
00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:28,898
If you want to get back
at those jerks,
33
00:01:28,899 --> 00:01:31,250
I have a proposition for you.
34
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,888
Invitations for the demolition
of The Arcadian.
35
00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:38,324
As head of the project, I get
to decide how we knock it down.
36
00:01:38,325 --> 00:01:41,544
I'm torn between training
an actual coyote
37
00:01:41,545 --> 00:01:43,396
to use an ACME dynamite plunger,
38
00:01:43,397 --> 00:01:46,666
or hooking up a fuse
to Eddie Van Halen's guitar
39
00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:49,635
that goes off the second
he hits the last note
40
00:01:49,636 --> 00:01:50,970
to "Hot For Teacher."
41
00:01:54,424 --> 00:01:57,093
Barney! Barney! Bar...
42
00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:59,078
No, no. I'm going to go coyote.
43
00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,714
Wait. While no one
wants to see
44
00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:04,016
a, uh, coyote wearing
a little hard hat
45
00:02:04,017 --> 00:02:05,718
more than me, remember:
46
00:02:05,719 --> 00:02:08,888
Zoey's protest could still
shut your whole project down.
47
00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:10,723
Oh, come on. Zoey's not
shutting anything down,
48
00:02:10,724 --> 00:02:12,291
standing out there
with her stupid megaphone,
49
00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:15,761
screaming in the wind; butt
cheeks trembling with fury;
50
00:02:15,762 --> 00:02:18,498
her perky breasts heaving;
51
00:02:18,499 --> 00:02:20,900
her self-righteous nipples...
52
00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:22,401
Dude, that's my girlfriend.
53
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:26,772
Point is, we are taking her
and The Arcadian down.
54
00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:28,174
Am I right, Teddy Westside?
55
00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:29,926
You know it.
Ha-ha!
56
00:02:29,927 --> 00:02:31,744
Okay. See, that's
so weird to me.
57
00:02:31,745 --> 00:02:34,146
One second you're
defending Zoey,
58
00:02:34,147 --> 00:02:36,182
and the next, you're talking
about her going down.
59
00:02:36,183 --> 00:02:38,351
Glad to know she's also
mouthy in a good way.
60
00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:40,720
What up?
61
00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:43,055
Dude, that's his girlfriend.
62
00:02:43,056 --> 00:02:45,625
Isn't it tough
dating the woman
63
00:02:45,626 --> 00:02:48,027
that's trying to prevent your
building from being built?
64
00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:49,328
At first, yes,
but we figured out
65
00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:52,298
a great way to deal with it:
we never talk about it.
66
00:02:52,299 --> 00:02:55,368
And since then, we've really been
enjoying each other's company.
67
00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:57,203
So, every time The
Arcadian comes up,
68
00:02:57,204 --> 00:02:59,805
you guys just awkwardly
change the subject?
69
00:02:59,806 --> 00:03:01,374
Yeah, but you'd
be surprised.
70
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:02,875
It doesn't even
come up that often.
71
00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,577
- Hey, guys.
- ALL: Hey!
72
00:03:04,578 --> 00:03:08,080
Meet the new lawyer I hired
to help save The Arcadian.
73
00:03:11,952 --> 00:03:14,554
So Oprah's retiring. Oof!
74
00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:17,290
What's that world
gonna be like?
75
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:22,491
♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x22 ♪
The Perfect Cocktail
Original Air Date on May 2, 2011
76
00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:26,516
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
77
00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:34,507
Wait, Marshall's helping you
save The Arcadian, now?
78
00:03:34,508 --> 00:03:36,792
Yeah. Having a former
GNB employee
79
00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:38,611
on our side
is huge for us.
80
00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:41,364
GNB is going down.
Yeah, totally.
81
00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:46,786
So, they found water
on Mars. What?
82
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:48,988
Listen, um,
I hate to go up
83
00:03:48,989 --> 00:03:50,623
against my two
best friends, but...
84
00:03:50,624 --> 00:03:52,458
I really, I really
need this right now.
85
00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,793
I mean, we're, we're
cool, right?
86
00:03:53,794 --> 00:03:57,763
Not only do you quit the job
I stuck my neck out to get you,
87
00:03:57,764 --> 00:04:00,132
now you sabotage the
project I'm in charge of?
88
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,001
Is this because
I brushed Lily's boob
89
00:04:02,002 --> 00:04:03,202
with my elbow,
the other day?
90
00:04:03,203 --> 00:04:05,071
That was on purpose!
What now?
91
00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:06,939
I mean this is really like...
Barney, please...
92
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:10,242
And thus began an all-out war
between Barney and Marshall...
93
00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:12,678
Delivery from
Mr. Stinson.
94
00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,680
Barney sent us pictures
of himself.
95
00:04:14,681 --> 00:04:16,782
Oh, God. What's he doing
to that megaphone?!
96
00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,389
Oh!
97
00:04:25,325 --> 00:04:27,910
♪ Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! ♪
98
00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:29,996
Later, back at the bar...
99
00:04:29,997 --> 00:04:32,231
another war was just beginning.
100
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:37,369
Babe, can I get you
a drink?
101
00:04:37,370 --> 00:04:39,605
No, I'm still not...
102
00:04:39,606 --> 00:04:41,390
ready to put my mouth
on anything yet.
103
00:04:41,391 --> 00:04:43,409
I know.
104
00:04:44,811 --> 00:04:46,912
You know what?
Screw this.
105
00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,597
Game on.
106
00:04:56,256 --> 00:04:57,723
Can you believe this one?
107
00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:59,408
Wants our booth.
108
00:04:59,409 --> 00:05:00,993
Keeps giving us the walk-by.
109
00:05:00,994 --> 00:05:04,080
That bitch is not
giving us the walk-by.
110
00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,498
The walk-by with the stink eye.
111
00:05:05,499 --> 00:05:07,099
A stink-eye-walk-by?!
112
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,068
Aw, hell no!
113
00:05:09,069 --> 00:05:10,670
I hope this drink
isn't teething,
114
00:05:10,671 --> 00:05:12,237
'cause it's about to get nursed.
115
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:17,793
Barney! Your wife just called
from the hospital!
116
00:05:17,794 --> 00:05:19,378
It's a boy!
117
00:05:19,379 --> 00:05:22,581
No.
I' was... I was...
118
00:05:24,084 --> 00:05:26,118
This went on for days.
119
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:28,054
Congratulations.
120
00:05:28,055 --> 00:05:31,090
You're about to be the 250th
girl that Barney has slept with.
121
00:05:31,091 --> 00:05:32,525
Pfff. Try 283.
122
00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:35,127
250 was months ago.
No, no, no.
123
00:05:35,128 --> 00:05:37,646
No, I mean,
you're totally 250, baby.
124
00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:39,115
No, don't.
125
00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:41,317
Oh, bye-bye.
126
00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:46,806
Mr. Stinson...
127
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:50,109
I had to rush down as soon
as I got your results.
128
00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:51,127
I'm sorry,
129
00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:54,647
but your crabs have
super-herpes.
130
00:05:58,785 --> 00:06:00,553
Oh, boy.
131
00:06:00,554 --> 00:06:01,987
Look who's back.
132
00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:05,391
Look, Lily, I think
this girl wants our seats.
133
00:06:05,392 --> 00:06:07,059
Should we leave...
or stay here
134
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:11,630
Lionel Richie style--
"All Night Long"?
135
00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:14,299
Excuse me waitress,
I'll have a mojito!
136
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,652
And you'll have a no-seat-ho.
137
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:17,686
Oh...!
138
00:06:22,309 --> 00:06:24,443
Ah, yes...
139
00:06:24,444 --> 00:06:27,646
the sweet, smoky taste
of victory.
140
00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:30,249
Are you sure it doesn't taste
like anything else?
141
00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:32,651
That's it!
142
00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,986
Kent! Kent!
143
00:06:34,988 --> 00:06:36,539
Oh, God! Ow...
144
00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,507
Why would you do that
to your own jacket?!
145
00:06:38,508 --> 00:06:40,826
That's what you get,
you traitor!
146
00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:43,712
Oh, really? Really?
Yeah. Really.
147
00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:45,664
Really. That... what...
148
00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,801
Okay, enough! You
guys are out of here.
149
00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:51,003
Ejected!
150
00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:52,805
I meant all of you.
151
00:06:52,806 --> 00:06:55,708
You're all banned
from the bar. Out!
152
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,810
Carl!
153
00:06:57,811 --> 00:06:59,345
Oh...
This has nothing to do with us.
154
00:06:59,346 --> 00:07:00,980
You're totally ridiculous.
155
00:07:05,402 --> 00:07:07,953
Don't look, baby. Just
don't look. Come on.
156
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,765
This stupid feud isn't going to
end until Marshall and Barney
157
00:07:16,766 --> 00:07:18,300
finally talk
about their feelings, cry,
158
00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:20,969
and then hug it out
like they do on Oprah.
159
00:07:21,988 --> 00:07:23,989
Man, what are we going to do
without her?
160
00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:26,192
Oh...
161
00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:32,365
Wait, you know what, these guys are
not going to get all mushy sober.
162
00:07:32,366 --> 00:07:34,166
We need to get
these bitches drunk.
163
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,802
Yes, but the right kind
of drunk.
164
00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:39,405
Uh... we should go
with something mellow.
165
00:07:39,406 --> 00:07:41,440
Maybe red wine?
166
00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:42,541
Oh, I don't know.
167
00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:45,044
Red wine has kind of
an odd effect on Barney.
168
00:07:45,045 --> 00:07:48,381
He reaches a point
of sad clarity.
169
00:07:48,382 --> 00:07:49,682
CROWD
Ten, nine, eight...
170
00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:51,550
I'm a B-plus.
171
00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:53,419
My whole life,
I was hoping to be an A,
172
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:55,654
and I'm a B-plus.
173
00:07:55,655 --> 00:07:57,656
And I'm okay with that.
174
00:07:57,657 --> 00:07:59,859
Happy New Year!
175
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,527
If we want them
to open up,
176
00:08:01,528 --> 00:08:04,029
I say we go
straight-up gin.
177
00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:06,065
Oh... last time
Marshall got gin-drunk
178
00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:08,868
was at that douchey bar
Barney likes to go to.
179
00:08:08,869 --> 00:08:11,487
Marshall almost got
in a fight that night.
180
00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,546
Look at this meatball.
181
00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:24,250
He's headed right towards me,
showing me no respect.
182
00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:25,618
Well, if he wants
to play chicken,
183
00:08:25,619 --> 00:08:28,137
this rooster
ain't backing down!
184
00:08:31,024 --> 00:08:35,761
Oh. Mirror.
185
00:08:35,762 --> 00:08:37,430
How about martinis?
186
00:08:37,431 --> 00:08:38,664
Absolutely not.
187
00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:40,933
I'm not going anywhere
near you and a martini.
188
00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:42,768
Why not?
189
00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:44,320
Ooh...
190
00:08:44,321 --> 00:08:46,705
You know what
would be stupid?
191
00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,140
If we made out.
192
00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:50,359
That would be so stupid.
193
00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:55,114
Hey, I dare you guys
to dare us to make out.
194
00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:57,616
Every time.
195
00:08:57,617 --> 00:09:01,620
I only say that because
it would be so stupid if we did.
196
00:09:01,621 --> 00:09:04,056
So stupid...
197
00:09:04,057 --> 00:09:05,124
Uh-huh.
198
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:09,228
Oh, yeah? Well... what
about you and absinthe?
199
00:09:09,229 --> 00:09:11,864
I don't know. We could have
water, soda, purple stuff...
200
00:09:11,865 --> 00:09:15,267
We're a dream a baby's having.
201
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,719
We're a dream a baby's having.
202
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:20,072
I keep telling you,
that didn't happen.
203
00:09:20,073 --> 00:09:22,041
It happened,
and it changed me.
204
00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:24,176
How about daiquiris?
205
00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:27,363
Maybe. When Marshall
has daiquiris...
206
00:09:27,364 --> 00:09:30,983
he gets really into
how beautiful he is.
207
00:09:30,984 --> 00:09:36,422
Hey. I dare you guys
to dare us to make out.
208
00:09:36,423 --> 00:09:38,924
Hey, Marsh, you know
that's another mirror, right?
209
00:09:41,661 --> 00:09:43,162
Peppermint schnapps?
210
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:44,363
No. Peppermint schnapps
211
00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:46,465
turns Barney
into Richard Dawson.
212
00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:48,734
Who? The crazy old host
of Family Feud,
213
00:09:48,735 --> 00:09:51,604
who greeted women
by kissing them on the mouth.
214
00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:53,305
Hey there, darlin'.
215
00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:56,175
How you doin'?
216
00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:58,844
Ah, is this your sister?
217
00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:00,179
Mmm...
218
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,514
Beautiful.
219
00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:02,915
Mmm...
220
00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:06,085
Hey, where are our
chicken wings?
221
00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:07,770
Show me chicken wings!
222
00:10:08,822 --> 00:10:11,941
Good order, Ted! Good order!
223
00:10:11,942 --> 00:10:14,360
Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey,
then we're off.
224
00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:16,278
See you Sunday.
Oh, wait, Ted.
225
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:20,132
Do you have a specific reaction
to any kind of alcohol?
226
00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:21,567
Bourbon.
227
00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:23,168
When I drink bourbon...
228
00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:26,422
I get weirdly good
at beatboxing.
229
00:10:33,964 --> 00:10:35,214
Peace, I'm out.
230
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:37,883
Yes!
Yes!
231
00:10:37,884 --> 00:10:39,919
Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you,
232
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,055
but the bourbon only makes it
sound good to you.
233
00:10:46,927 --> 00:10:48,594
♪ Ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki ♪
234
00:10:48,595 --> 00:10:50,095
♪ Ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka ♪
235
00:10:50,096 --> 00:10:52,731
♪ Koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo,
koo-koo, poo... poo... ♪
236
00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:55,000
Poo!
237
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,136
Peace. I'm out.
238
00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:03,976
You had to take that away
from me, didn't you?
239
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:08,130
Well, enjoy
Martha's Vineyard.
240
00:11:08,131 --> 00:11:09,448
Hopefully by the time
you get back,
241
00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:10,683
we'll be allowed
back into MacLaren's.
242
00:11:10,684 --> 00:11:12,084
What do you mean?
243
00:11:12,085 --> 00:11:14,620
Barney and Marshall's feud
got us banned from the bar.
244
00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:17,489
We lost our booth.
245
00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:18,624
Stop.
246
00:11:18,625 --> 00:11:21,794
Man, how did things
get so screwed up?
247
00:11:21,795 --> 00:11:24,296
Of course I knew
the answer to that.
248
00:11:24,297 --> 00:11:25,898
I was dating her.
249
00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:28,901
But I wasn't about to ruin our
first big romantic weekend away
250
00:11:28,902 --> 00:11:30,302
by bringing up the one topic
251
00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:32,738
we agreed was
completely off-limits.
252
00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:35,407
You and The Arcadian are
ruining my life! What?
253
00:11:35,408 --> 00:11:36,825
I thought we weren't
talking about...
254
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,360
We're talking about this.
255
00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:40,579
Look, I can handle you
trying to prevent me
256
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,864
from fulfilling
a life-long dream.
257
00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:44,116
That's just being
in a relationship.
258
00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:46,085
But now? You turn my
best friend against me?
259
00:11:46,086 --> 00:11:48,320
Marshall made his own choice.
Why aren't you mad at him?
260
00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:49,955
Because he's going through
a lot right now.
261
00:11:49,956 --> 00:11:51,507
He, he's looking for
something to believe in,
262
00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:52,875
and you took advantage of that.
263
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:54,793
You're, you're just like
those Internet swindlers
264
00:11:54,794 --> 00:11:56,345
who tricked him
into paying 300 bucks
265
00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:57,680
for a lock of Sasquatch fur.
266
00:11:57,681 --> 00:12:01,016
You cannot compare The Arcadian
to a Ziploc bag
267
00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:02,434
full of Turkish armpit hair.
268
00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:03,569
The Arcadian
269
00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:05,270
is a beautiful,
magnificent hotel.
270
00:12:05,271 --> 00:12:08,273
Okay. You know what? We're
settling this once and for all.
271
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:11,443
Okay.
272
00:12:11,444 --> 00:12:13,612
We've cross-referenced
every alcohol
273
00:12:13,613 --> 00:12:15,581
with Marshall
and Barney's reaction.
274
00:12:15,582 --> 00:12:17,583
What's the right drink
for this situation?
275
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,418
Well, they're not talking.
276
00:12:19,419 --> 00:12:20,919
They're not even looking
at each other.
277
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,622
That reminds me of those
awkward Sunday dinners
278
00:12:23,623 --> 00:12:25,357
with my mom, my dad
and his mistress.
279
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,260
Families, right?
280
00:12:28,261 --> 00:12:30,863
I-I guess. That...
281
00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:32,898
seems like a whole other thing.
282
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,769
We need a drink that
will start a fight.
283
00:12:39,072 --> 00:12:41,540
Do you know what I had
to do to get you that job?
284
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,808
Do you know what
I had to do
285
00:12:42,809 --> 00:12:44,209
to will myself to
show up every day?
286
00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:45,411
What, wear a wrinkled suit
287
00:12:45,412 --> 00:12:47,646
and not give a damn about
what your hair looked like?
288
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:50,416
I showed up with wet hair once!
289
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:51,517
Once!
290
00:12:51,518 --> 00:12:53,902
Oh, my God.
291
00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:59,408
Well, here we are.
292
00:12:59,409 --> 00:13:01,627
I had a reservation
at a four-star inn
293
00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:03,562
overlooking the ocean
but, uh...
294
00:13:03,563 --> 00:13:09,785
How can that compete with such a
beautiful, magnificent hotel?
295
00:13:15,041 --> 00:13:18,177
Welcome to
The Arcadian.
296
00:13:25,716 --> 00:13:27,483
So here's the deal.
297
00:13:27,484 --> 00:13:31,853
If you can last until sunrise
in your precious Arcadian,
298
00:13:31,858 --> 00:13:32,992
I'll join your side.
299
00:13:33,075 --> 00:13:34,342
You're on.
300
00:13:34,343 --> 00:13:36,311
This place is fantastic.
301
00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:38,212
They even left a chocolate
on the pillow.
302
00:13:38,213 --> 00:13:39,514
That's not a chocolate.
303
00:13:43,252 --> 00:13:44,919
Okay, now we need to
get them something
304
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,821
that will make them
emotionally vulnerable
305
00:13:46,822 --> 00:13:48,456
and completely,
pathetically honest.
306
00:13:48,457 --> 00:13:49,991
Yeah, we need a drink that,
307
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:53,027
that takes subtext and
turns it into text. Yeah.
308
00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:58,099
See, ever since
the death of my father,
309
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,885
I have been drawn
to the idea of preservation.
310
00:14:00,886 --> 00:14:02,937
That's why The Arcadian
speaks to me.
311
00:14:02,938 --> 00:14:06,307
Ever since my father
walked out on my childhood,
312
00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:08,743
I've had serious
abandonment issues.
313
00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:10,361
You walking out
on me like that...
314
00:14:10,362 --> 00:14:11,913
Oh God, I didn't even
think of that...
315
00:14:11,914 --> 00:14:14,415
It made me wonder, "What could
I have done to make him stay?"
316
00:14:14,416 --> 00:14:16,985
Look, you didn't do anything
wrong. It wasn't you, Barney.
317
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,386
That's what everyone
keeps saying
318
00:14:18,387 --> 00:14:19,821
but people just
keep leaving me.
319
00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,560
Wow. That got real o'clock.
Yeah.
320
00:14:25,561 --> 00:14:27,929
We need to get them up
and having fun.
321
00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:36,421
Dance, my puppets,
dance!
322
00:14:36,422 --> 00:14:38,506
Now do you see why
I'm always interfering
323
00:14:38,507 --> 00:14:39,941
in other people's lives?
324
00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:41,943
Oh, God, totally!
325
00:14:43,946 --> 00:14:46,180
Mm.
Please?
326
00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:49,984
Well, we're here for the night.
327
00:14:49,985 --> 00:14:52,353
Might as well have some fun.
328
00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:55,289
Care to join me?
329
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,824
Dust just flew out
of that comforter
330
00:14:56,825 --> 00:14:58,326
in the shape of a skull.
331
00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:01,796
Whoa, something just
passed through me.
332
00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:04,832
Can you get STDs from
the ghost of a prostitute?
333
00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:09,470
What are...
334
00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:11,072
What are you doing
in our bathroom?
335
00:15:11,073 --> 00:15:14,175
WOMAN
This bathroom for entire floor!
336
00:15:18,013 --> 00:15:19,614
Okay. Final round.
337
00:15:19,615 --> 00:15:21,749
What simple act
will get the boys
338
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,151
to finally forgive each other?
339
00:15:23,152 --> 00:15:24,719
Sharing a brandy.
340
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,789
Which is what I walked in
on my parents doing once.
341
00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:29,857
Brandy was my
father's mistress.
342
00:15:29,858 --> 00:15:31,059
God, parents. Right?
343
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,929
Again, just a whole
other thing, sweetie.
344
00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:36,497
Where'd they go?
345
00:15:36,498 --> 00:15:38,533
Oh, no.
They did shots.
346
00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:40,034
What? What is it?
347
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:44,072
What's the worst thing they
could possibly drink right now?
348
00:15:50,579 --> 00:15:52,513
Your place or mi...
349
00:15:52,514 --> 00:15:55,917
Your place
or mi...
350
00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:58,386
Le-Let's go to
your place. Mm.
351
00:16:01,757 --> 00:16:04,992
Kids, don't drink tequila.
352
00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:09,564
Uh, these were supposed to
be for a romantic dinner
353
00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:11,165
on our balcony as we
were serenaded
354
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,234
by the sounds of the ocean.
355
00:16:13,235 --> 00:16:15,503
But I guess we'll have to
settle for what sounded like
356
00:16:15,504 --> 00:16:18,873
two very large men
having sex next door...
357
00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:21,943
with a third very small man.
358
00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:23,177
I think that small man
359
00:16:23,178 --> 00:16:25,513
sounded very moved by
The Arcadian's beauty.
360
00:16:25,514 --> 00:16:28,382
Okay. What is it?
361
00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:30,818
And don't give me,
"It's beautiful."
362
00:16:30,819 --> 00:16:32,820
Don't give me,
"It's magnificent."
363
00:16:32,821 --> 00:16:35,056
What is it about this place
364
00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:37,425
that makes you so passionate
to save it?
365
00:16:42,164 --> 00:16:44,332
Well...
366
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:47,869
When I was a little girl...
367
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:49,837
my family used to live here.
368
00:16:49,838 --> 00:16:52,140
Why, why have you
never told me that?
369
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:54,776
I never told anyone that.
370
00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:56,711
It makes it sound like
it would be impossible
371
00:16:56,712 --> 00:16:58,679
for me to be
objective, but...
372
00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:03,951
The truth is, I...
373
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:06,087
I loved growing up here.
374
00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:09,924
We had just moved to New York.
375
00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:12,560
We were completely broke.
376
00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:15,363
But my mom told
my sisters and me
377
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,165
that The Arcadian was a castle.
378
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,234
And we believed her.
379
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:26,541
I know it's not
what it used to be...
380
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:30,578
but this building
is a part of who I am.
381
00:17:32,014 --> 00:17:34,715
And that's why I want so badly
382
00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:37,852
for you to like it, too.
383
00:17:37,853 --> 00:17:41,622
Kids, you never forget
the first time-- or place--
384
00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:43,357
you tell a girl:
385
00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:45,293
I love you.
386
00:17:45,294 --> 00:17:48,095
I love you, too.
387
00:17:57,272 --> 00:17:58,973
Come on in, you're un-banned.
388
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:00,074
I gave these guys
389
00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:02,376
some drinks and they calmed down
and made up.
390
00:18:02,377 --> 00:18:04,679
Well, what drink
finally did the trick?
391
00:18:06,582 --> 00:18:08,649
Of course,
392
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:09,617
beer.
Beer.
393
00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:12,687
I love you.
I love you.
394
00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,356
Uh, no. N-Not right...
395
00:18:17,659 --> 00:18:18,926
You know,
396
00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:21,495
I guess this place isn't so bad.
397
00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:24,031
See? With a little renovation,
we could restore it
398
00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:24,966
to its former...
399
00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:26,601
What was that?
What was what?
400
00:18:26,602 --> 00:18:28,369
I think it went under the bed.
Yeah.
401
00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:29,170
I don't see anything.
402
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:32,974
That, that was...
that!
403
00:18:32,975 --> 00:18:34,809
Oh, my God!
404
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,510
It's the cock-a-mouse!
405
00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:37,979
The what?
406
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:39,413
Cock-a-mouse.
407
00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:42,550
Part cockroach,
part mouse.
408
00:18:42,551 --> 00:18:44,285
It used to live
in our apartment.
409
00:18:44,286 --> 00:18:46,721
It must have settled
here, and... Oh!
410
00:18:46,722 --> 00:18:48,522
Look, it had babies!
Good for it.
411
00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:51,842
Ew....
412
00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:53,928
I give up. You win. Let's go!
413
00:18:56,648 --> 00:18:58,833
Be well, my friends!
414
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,807
Aw, just how we left them.
415
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:09,026
Morning.
416
00:19:09,027 --> 00:19:10,845
Who wants breakfast?
417
00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,830
You have some coffee?
418
00:19:12,831 --> 00:19:15,917
So I can throw it in
this traitor's face?
419
00:19:15,918 --> 00:19:18,336
Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey!
Do you guys have some
420
00:19:18,337 --> 00:19:21,756
pancakes, because I... would
really like some pancakes.
421
00:19:21,757 --> 00:19:23,891
They're fantastic. Let's
be honest, I love them.
422
00:19:23,892 --> 00:19:25,526
But I hate this guy!
423
00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:27,662
I thought they
made up last night.
424
00:19:27,663 --> 00:19:29,964
Damn it, I know what happened.
425
00:19:29,965 --> 00:19:33,301
I love you.
I love you.
426
00:19:34,436 --> 00:19:35,853
Uh, no. N-not right...
427
00:19:37,439 --> 00:19:38,673
Carl,
428
00:19:38,674 --> 00:19:40,942
a round of champagne.
Ooh!
429
00:19:40,943 --> 00:19:42,243
The champagne.
430
00:19:42,244 --> 00:19:43,811
We gave them one drink too many.
431
00:19:43,812 --> 00:19:45,746
They must've blacked out
and forgotten the whole thing.
432
00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:47,514
What kind of dirtbag
433
00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:49,550
doesn't stand by
his best friends,
434
00:19:49,551 --> 00:19:53,054
but instead sides with
some self-righteous bitch
435
00:19:53,055 --> 00:19:55,790
with a pointless cause and a megaphone?
Dude.
436
00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:58,059
That's my girlfriend.
437
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,628
And you know what?
438
00:20:00,629 --> 00:20:03,497
I'm on her side now, too.
439
00:20:04,716 --> 00:20:07,601
Whoa, whoa, you have got
to be kidding me. Ted...
440
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,537
Okay, what drink can fix this?
441
00:20:09,538 --> 00:20:10,921
Mama's done with this drama.
442
00:20:10,922 --> 00:20:14,075
What drink can fix the headache
these clowns are giving me?
443
00:20:14,076 --> 00:20:16,744
I got it.
444
00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:21,215
Right?
445
00:20:21,216 --> 00:20:23,934
Time is music the planets make.
446
00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,019
Music the planets make...
447
00:20:41,639 --> 00:20:44,541
What is that?
448
00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:56,317
== sync, corrected by elderman ==