1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,098
I mean, I understand
that the woman is new to the school...

2
00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:08,763
...and everybody's bending over backwards
trying to make her feel welcome...

3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:12,105
...but teacher of the month? Please.

4
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:16,476
-That's an outrage.
-And it has nothing to do with the fact...

5
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:19,345
...that I was teacher of the month
for the last six months.

6
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:23,319
You know, two more and I would've gotten
to keep the ceramic owl.

7
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:26,319
I did not know that.

8
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,188
Not that I'm bragging, you know...

9
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,353
...just a deserved recognition
for being a good teacher.

10
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,590
I didn't get it for wearing a push-up bra...

11
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:37,703
...and giggling like an idiot
every time some man makes a funny.

12
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,103
Reminds me. Did you hear the joke
about the blind prostitute?

13
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,808
Mike, I'm telling you about my day.

14
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,506
Punch line is, you gotta hand it to her.

15
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:51,678
-You know, because she's blind.
-Yeah.

16
00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:55,412
I tell you, Joyce, I'm really starting
to get the hang of this yoga malarkey.

17
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,489
If I get any more limber,
I won't need you anymore.

18
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:04,558
Hey, cowboy, if you can do it, do it.
That cuts my workload in half.

19
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:06,897
She's got you doing yoga.

20
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,934
Yeah. She wants to show me off
at her high school reunion.

21
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:14,039
That's why she's got me twisting in knots
and sniffing my own buttocks.

22
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,235
I can't wait to glide
into that Sheraton banquet hall...

23
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,879
...with this hunk of ltalian sausage
on my arm.

24
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:23,447
You know,
when you describe me as a piece of meat...

25
00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:25,880
...it makes me feel like a piece of meat.

26
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:29,785
Anyway, if you ask me...

27
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:32,891
...Iittle Miss Teacher of the Month
is in for a rude awakening.

28
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,083
And we're back.

29
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:38,492
She's gonna find
that field trips and learning games...

30
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:44,035
...and trying to be best friend with the kids
is not a substitute for actual teaching.

31
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,764
I mean,
she lets the kids call her by her first name.

32
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,341
There is a balance
between being loving and being firm...

33
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,035
...and I don't think Miss Jennifer
gets that.

34
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,759
It's just insane
the way people are fawning all over her.

35
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,333
Oh, did I tell you about the parking spot
they gave her?

36
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:19,131
You did. I was appalled.

37
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,170
Oh, look,
Escape from the Planet of the Apes is on.

38
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:25,937
That's the one where the monkeys go
back in time and wear suits and get jobs.

39
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:31,043
-Mike.
-That parking thing is a travesty.

40
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:35,950
Right? And meanwhile, I'm parking behind
the cafeteria under a tree filled with birds...

41
00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:39,853
...who apparently eat nothing but lasagna
and chocolate milk.

42
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,961
My glutes are still vibrating
from that yoga class.

43
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,928
You could shake up a martini in my crack.

44
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:53,231
Hey, I just got a batch of Cuban cigars
and I thought you might wanna partake.

45
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,430
That sounds great.

46
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,605
Mike,
we're in the middle of a conversation.

47
00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,972
It's just the middle?

48
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,179
I'd love to, Vince,
but my girlfriend is sharing her day with me.

49
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:10,514
Actually,
we're sharing our days with each other.

50
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,056
Yeah, right, that.

51
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,059
Well, have you gotten to the part
where you passed on an $80 cigar...

52
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,994
... because you were pretending
to listen to your girlfriend?

53
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,566
I'm not pretending.
I listen to every word she says.

54
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:27,195
I can tell you for a fact that today for lunch
Molly had lasagna and chocolate milk.

55
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,437
Go smoke.

56
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,010
Nothing like the taste
of a fine Havana cigar...

57
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:43,781
...smuggled through the negligent borders
of our Canadian cousins.

58
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:47,182
Lucky for the both of us,
we're burning the evidence.

59
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,693
Where the commies fall short
is tennis shoes and electronics.

60
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:56,028
Never ever buy a Cuban iPhone
or a pair of Air Castros.

61
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,232
Good to know.

62
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:03,434
Listen, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

63
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:04,872
Kind of a personal matter.

64
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:08,639
Oh, boy,
everybody's in a chatty mood tonight.

65
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,347
What I'm about to tell you
is strictly hush-hush.

66
00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:14,884
Because if Joyce ever found out,
it would kill her.

67
00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:17,682
Thank you for the cigar
and the pleasant conversation...

68
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,651
...but I don't wanna hear
about another woman.

69
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:24,820
Whoa, whoa, this ain't about me
getting some on the side, jeez.

70
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,829
I gotta pop oysters and stiffy pills...

71
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,594
...just to keep up
with the big red machine in there.

72
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,762
Good, because
I really wanna finish that cigar.

73
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:37,171
Come on, sit down.
Take a considerable load off.

74
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,948
Okay, here it is.

75
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,985
All this talk
about Joyce's high school reunion...

76
00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:52,557
...has made me feel bad
about not being a high school graduate.

77
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,250
Is that it?

78
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:57,624
Yeah, what'd you think?
I was gonna profess my love to you?

79
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,629
No. It's just that not graduating
from high school isn't that big a deal.

80
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:06,636
It is to me. And I've never told that
to another living soul.

81
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,296
You're kidding?

82
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,874
I was gonna confide it to my wife
on her deathbed...

83
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:14,275
...but we had so many other
important things to talk about.

84
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,145
-Of course.
-Code to the alarm system...

85
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,946
...her recipe for manicotti...

86
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,181
...what dry cleaners
my good black suit was at.

87
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,429
If you're worried about what Joyce
will think, I'm sure she'll understand.

88
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:31,620
Joyce must never know.

89
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:35,461
I don't want her to find out my worldly,
sophisticated exterior...

90
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,796
...is nothing but a facade.

91
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:42,134
Technically, the exterior is the facade.
I think it's French or something.

92
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,772
See, that right there
is why I don't tell people.

93
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:47,276
You're already talking to me
like I'm an idiot.

94
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:51,341
I'm saying you shouldn't feel bad
about not graduating high school.

95
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,849
Easy for you to say,
you're a learned man.

96
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,547
Well, I wouldn't say learned, but I had
a strong C average in high school...

97
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:01,683
...which made the transition
to junior college a smooth path.

98
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,692
You're telling me you went to college?

99
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,093
Two full years
and a mandatory summer session.

100
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,597
That was eighth grade for me.

101
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:11,532
Geometry made me its bitch.

102
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,006
Well, why don't you just get your GED?

103
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,610
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
You're a government employee...

104
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:23,511
...maybe you could pull a couple of strings
and slide me one under the table.

105
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:27,411
Doesn't work that way. This isn't
something I could fix like a parking ticket.

106
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,112
-Told me you couldn't fix parking tickets.
-I can't.

107
00:06:30,289 --> 00:06:32,985
Then why you dangling the carrot?

108
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,361
Look, if you wanna get your GED,
you gotta take the test.

109
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,726
Lucky for you, there's a woman
in that house that can help you study.

110
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,628
-Molly.
-Voted teacher of the month...

111
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:45,965
...six times in a row.
She received the coveted ceramic owl.

112
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,405
She doesn't really like me, though.

113
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,043
I mean,
I get that kids are always standoffish...

114
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:55,112
...when they know
you're banging their mom.

115
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:58,045
But she goes the extra mile.

116
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:02,079
Yeah, she has yet to succumb
to your unique charms.

117
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,884
Plus, women tell each other everything
and she'll end up blabbing it to Joyce.

118
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:09,824
Can't argue with you there.
That family could talk underwater.

119
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,032
Maybe you could get a tutor.

120
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,033
-How about you?
-I don't know.

121
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:19,262
I was always kind of a wing-and-a-prayer
kind of student.

122
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,033
They used to call me Mr. CliffsNotes.

123
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,869
But what about junior college?

124
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:27,012
It's really just a high school
where you can smoke.

125
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,477
My point exactly. If a load like you
can get kicked through the system...

126
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,278
...there's still hope for me.

127
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:38,082
Well, that's not flattering,
but I can certainly see what got you there.

128
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:47,431
Oh, a shower was a good idea.
I am fresh as a daisy.

129
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,297
Unfortunately, now your loofah smells
like cigar smoke and BO.

130
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:54,501
Sexy.

131
00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:57,075
Did you and Vince have a good time
tonight?

132
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,211
It was okay. He's a decent enough guy.

133
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:02,279
See, that's where you and I part ways.

134
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,109
What did he wanna talk to you about?

135
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,877
Nothing in particular. Just cigar talk.

136
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,077
Cigar talk?

137
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,690
You know, "This is a good cigar."
"Glad you like it." "l like it a lot."

138
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,588
"Hey, is that a cat?" "No, it's a possum."
Cigar talk.

139
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:20,392
Well, I guess that's more fun than having
a conversation with your girlfriend.

140
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:24,400
Only because of the cigars
and the possum sighting.

141
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,772
May I offer you
some squeaky-clean loving?

142
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,271
Hang on. Hang on.

143
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:34,778
So Vince just wanted to give you an $80
cigar and didn't want anything in return?

144
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,245
Same guy that offered you
a box of steaks...

145
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,680
...in exchange
for a handicapped parking pass?

146
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:44,152
I felt bad about that. He'd already bought
those nice aluminum crutches.

147
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,425
He just wanted to share something
in confidence. You know, man-to-man.

148
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,529
Anything to do with my mom?

149
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:55,531
Not really. I mean, other than the fact
he doesn't want her to know about it.

150
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,436
Are you telling me
he's keeping something from her?

151
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:00,799
Just because he's deeply ashamed.

152
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,777
Okay, so if that's a no on the sex,
I will bid you good night.

153
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,148
What can I do? A man tells me a secret,
I gotta take it to the grave.

154
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,016
Of course.

155
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,623
So Vince Moranto didn't graduate
high school.

156
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:22,454
You understand
why I couldn't tell Molly, right?

157
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,619
Absolutely. It's a personal private matter.

158
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:27,994
And we all know
women are notorious blabbermouths.

159
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:30,235
Hate to say it, but it is kind of true.

160
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,803
I tell my grandma one secret,
next thing you know...

161
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:36,999
...everybody in Church is peeking to see
if I'm going commando under my choir robe.

162
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,634
You actually do that?

163
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:42,474
If they spent the money on air conditioning
instead of that stupid youth bus...

164
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,981
...I wouldn't have to be swinging low
while I'm singing "Sweet Chariot."

165
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:48,217
What are you talking about?

166
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,981
Molly's mom's boyfriend
told Mike something in confidence.

167
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,819
Now Molly's upset
because Mike didn't tell her what it is.

168
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,923
Women love the gossip, don't they?

169
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,827
In Senegal, I once dated two sisters
at the same time.

170
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,867
It was less than a week
before they blabbed it to each other.

171
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,595
On top of that,
they tried to make me the bad guy.

172
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:12,674
-So, what is the big secret?
-Vince didn't graduate high school.

173
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,710
Interesting.

174
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,610
You know,
Henry, the cook, is a dropout too.

175
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:20,785
But you didn't hear it from me.

176
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:28,993
MlKE: I was looking through
the study guides and they say...

177
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,061
...the best way to start
is by taking a sample test.

178
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:36,964
Whoa, whoa, right to it? No foreplay?
You don't wanna dance or rub zippers?

179
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:46,142
This is just a way to find out
where your weak areas are...

180
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,975
-...and what we need to concentrate on.
-I can tell you what my weak areas are.

181
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,208
Processing dairy and taking tests.

182
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,548
And they both turn my bowels
into an ass cannon.

183
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,251
Vince, relax. And remember,
most of this stuff is just common sense.

184
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:03,884
-Take your time and do your best.
-All right.

185
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:07,255
"Which of the following
political actions...

186
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,800
...violated the principles
of unalienable rights of liberty...

187
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:14,406
...that evolved from
the U.S. Declaration of lndependence?"

188
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:19,670
Is this for high school or to become
president of the United States?

189
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,109
Come on,
just think it through and break it down.

190
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:25,978
I told you, I don't break things down well
and I had a milk shake for lunch.

191
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,584
All right, let's just move on
to the next question.

192
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:33,020
Fine. "Which three
of the original 13 colonies--?"

193
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:37,322
For crying out loud,
I don't know if this is math or history.

194
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:41,131
Yeah, I'm not really sure
where they're headed either.

195
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:45,660
Just forget it. I'm not good at tests.
I've never been good at tests.

196
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,671
I get nervous, I can't focus, I get fidgety.

197
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,810
-ADD?
-Hey, I can add.

198
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,043
I just don't like tests.

199
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,015
-Bathroom break.
-Vince, we just got started.

200
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:03,917
Wasn't really a question.

201
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:12,593
This one right here was prom queen
junior and senior year.

202
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:13,993
She's a cute little filly.

203
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,630
Now she's a beer-hauling Clydesdale.

204
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:22,072
Well, that prom queen
is gonna be green with envy...

205
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,903
...when she sees you walking in
with your yoga booty...

206
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,977
...and your sexy man on your arm.

207
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:30,081
Oh, yeah.
She'll be snorting and stomping her hoof.

208
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:35,676
I better bring some carrots
and sugar cubes.

209
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:39,380
-Something smells good in here.
-I'm trying a new brownie recipe.

210
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:42,686
The secret is less brownie, more pot.

211
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:48,866
Don't burn it like the last batch.
I was secondhand high for a week.

212
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,998
So where's Vince tonight?

213
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,732
He said he had to work late,
but he's coming over later.

214
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:59,241
That reminds me,
I gotta wax the wigglies.

215
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,742
Hey, is, uh,
everything okay with you two?

216
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,543
Sure.

217
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,853
Have you noticed anything odd
about his behavior?

218
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,886
Well, he's been a little cranky lately.

219
00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:14,287
But he's probably just annoyed at me
for pushing him to lose weight...

220
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,293
...grow hair
and have his neck waddle taped back.

221
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:22,065
-Why do you ask?
-Oh, no reason.

222
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:25,863
You're my mom, I love you,
I just wanna make sure you're happy.

223
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:29,302
-Oh, well, thank you, baby.
MOLLY: Oh....

224
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,407
I am.

225
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,238
Good. Ha, ha.

226
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:40,450
Working late.
That dirtbag's not even a good liar.

227
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,587
What's going on?

228
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,085
I don't know for sure.

229
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:47,282
But I know he and Mike
had a little secret man talk last night...

230
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:49,586
...and Mike's being very cagey about it.

231
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,726
You don't think Vince is doing anything
behind Mom's back?

232
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,661
See, that's where my mind went too.

233
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,665
My God, he's cheating on her, isn't he?

234
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,737
You did not hear that from me.

235
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,402
How long is it gonna take
to grade this thing?

236
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,806
Hang on a second.

237
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:10,479
"Add the combined scores
of sentence structure and usage...

238
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:14,346
...with the subtotal of language arts
from Page 3."

239
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:17,920
Man, this is like putting together
a bookcase from lkea.

240
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,617
You know, forget about it.
I'm sure I flunked.

241
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:24,456
No. Now, just hang on a second.
We don't know that.

242
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:28,157
Bup-bup-bup, carry the two....

243
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,402
Now we know that you flunked.

244
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:36,364
My old man always told me I was an idiot.
You know what? He was right.

245
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,238
You're not an idiot.
You're just not a good test taker.

246
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:41,811
Remarkably bad, in fact.

247
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,006
Well, how else am I gonna get a GED?

248
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,174
Abraham Lincoln never graduated
high school.

249
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:50,015
-He did pretty well for himself.
-Yeah, except for getting shot in the head.

250
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,458
To be fair, a high school diploma
is not gonna stop a bullet.

251
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:59,130
So you're saying
I just gotta live with my secret shame?

252
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:02,495
Everybody's got one.
I'll share mine if it makes you feel better.

253
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,693
Food?

254
00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,133
Maybe.

255
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,667
The more you try to hide it,
the worse it's gonna feel.

256
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,837
-Just go to Joyce and tell her the truth.
-I don't know.

257
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,983
You'll feel better. The woman loves you.

258
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:21,017
She's not gonna judge you
over something like that.

259
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:24,815
Would you mind going with me to tell her?
You know, for moral support.

260
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,082
I'd be happy to.

261
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,557
All right.
Boy, I hope she's gonna be okay...

262
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:35,223
...when she finds out her erudite prince
is just a well-hung frog.

263
00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:39,560
"Erudite." I can't believe
you didn't score higher in the verbal.

264
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,406
Listen, when I get in there...

265
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:50,139
...I may embellish my reasons
for dropping out of school a little bit.

266
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:55,049
Papa got sick, I had to work the fields,
care for the other young'uns.

267
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,518
Something in that vein.

268
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:59,047
[DOORBELL RlNGS]

269
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:02,216
For another cigar, I'll tell her
you were a coal miner's daughter.

270
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,055
-What is going on here, Mike?
-I gotta talk to your mom.

271
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,359
He just needs
to get something off his chest.

272
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,594
What's that?
The breasts of a younger woman?

273
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,202
Joyce, doll, why are you crying?

274
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,434
I know all about your dirty little secret.

275
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,077
Who told you? Did you tell her?

276
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,271
I didn't tell anybody,
except Carl and Samuel.

277
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:27,112
Oh, you could tell Carl and Samuel,
but you couldn't tell me.

278
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,811
You thought you could keep
something like that from me?

279
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,981
-Boy, you're dumber than I thought.
-I had to work the fields.

280
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,459
You are such a pig.

281
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:43,499
Whoa, I'm sorry I didn't tell you,
but you're kind of making me feel bad.

282
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,505
Well, you should feel bad.
You're cheating on my mother.

283
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,607
-What? I never cheated on you.
VlCTORlA: Mm-hm.

284
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,300
Then why are you here
with your tail between your legs?

285
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,379
I came to tell you
I don't have a high school diploma.

286
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:59,643
And now, thanks to Lumpy,
the study partner, I never will.

287
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:02,179
-What?
-I was ashamed to tell you...

288
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:06,290
...because I thought you'd think less of me,
but apparently you already do.

289
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,619
You told me he was having an affair.

290
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,955
No. Now....

291
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,928
I didn't exactly use those words.

292
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,966
It's all moot. Damage is done.

293
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,163
I got this, Mom.

294
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,536
"Moot." The man is a wordsmith.

295
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:27,669
Vince, wait.

296
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,508
Look, I get that
I'm not your favorite person...

297
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:33,173
...but I never thought
you'd spread lies about me.

298
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:35,650
-I'm sorry.
-I may not have a formal education...

299
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:38,221
...or a high school diploma,
but I got a heart.

300
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,382
And you stuck a knife in it
by way of my back.

301
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,593
I know. I made a terrible mistake.

302
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,697
Let me-- Let me make it up to you.

303
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,265
How? A kick in the groin? No, thank you.

304
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,960
-Hey, Moranto.
-What?

305
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,336
I think you owe me an apology too.

306
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:58,306
You have got an actual teacher right here
and you asked Mike to tutor you.

307
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,138
I regret that deeply.

308
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:04,614
The only thing I learned from that guy...

309
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:09,049
... is that the Chicago Police Department
is not a very picky organization.

310
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,480
Come on, give me a chance.

311
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,152
Why you wanna help me?

312
00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:17,894
Well, that's why I became a teacher.

313
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,998
And seeing as that
you're my mom's fiance...

314
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,828
...kind of makes you family.

315
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,501
-Family?
-Kind of.

316
00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:30,436
Damn it, you're a tough nut to crack.

317
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,407
But I love you, snowball. I really do.

318
00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:34,876
Okay, okay.

319
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,448
Oh, Vince, I'm so sorry I doubted you.

320
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,847
We just didn't know what to think, Vince.

321
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:44,284
But stupid is so much better than cheater.

322
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,550
I forgive all you broads.
Hey, where's the big guy?

323
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:53,125
Yes. The apes do wear suits and get jobs.

324
00:18:57,402 --> 00:19:01,361
Wow, I can't believe you got Vince
to actually go and take the GED exam.

325
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:05,943
Well, part of what a good teacher does
is to inspire her students, you know.

326
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:08,909
Instill in them the confidence
that they need...

327
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,311
...to go out and achieve
academic excellence.

328
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:15,218
I guess we know why you hold
the record for teacher of the month.

329
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:16,945
Heh. Every student is different.

330
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:19,647
You have to figure out
what their individual needs are.

331
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:23,226
Now, for Vince,
I just had to give him the proper tools...

332
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:25,659
...to overcome his fear of taking tests.

333
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:30,726
Oh, man, do you guys know what happened
to the two pot brownies I was saving?

334
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:36,003
[SlNGlNG]
Don't you want somebody to love

335
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:40,168
Don't you need somebody to love

336
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:42,573
Done.

337
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,945
[LAUGHS]

338
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,006
[English - US - SDH]