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Previously on The Hard
Times of RJ Berger...
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- Morning, Berger.
- Oh, my God!
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What are you doing here?
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RJ, is that any way
to treat a guest?
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Are you asking me out
on a date?
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Yes, I am.
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[Hard rock music]
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[Ominous music]
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00:00:17,636 --> 00:00:25,252
♪ ♪
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00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,563
I suppose you're here
to tell me
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to stay away from your mother.
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You suppose correctly.
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And if I don't?
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Then, Mr. Sinclair...
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Life becomes extraordinarily
difficult for you.
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A threat.
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A promise.
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There are quite a few secrets
rattling around that skull of yours.
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Secrets that the school board
or your parole officer
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might find rather interesting.
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With all due respect,
Mr. Sinclair,
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you have no choice
but to obey.
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With all due respect,
Mr. Berger,
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you can kiss my black ass.
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[Chuckling evilly]
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What the...
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[Rumbling]
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[Glass shatters]
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No, no, no,
not yet!
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Damn it, Miles.
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You pulled me out too soon!
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I had him!
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Five minutes.
Not a second more.
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Those were your instructions.
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I had him.
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Look at you, man.
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You're coming apart
at the seams.
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If I wanted a sermon,
I'd go to church.
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Have you been cooking bacon?
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Miles, what the hell
were you doing?
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The only thing that'll make
you see the light.
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[Dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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Ugh!
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- Wakey, wakey.
Eggs and bac-y.
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Your mama made us breakfast.
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My name is RJ Berger.
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And every morning I wake up
to the same nightmare.
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Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
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Mm, deeeelicious.
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Deeelighted to hear it.
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Well, I'm ghost.
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Gotta let the golf team in
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for their morning workout.
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Want a ride to school, son?
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No, I'll...
I'll take the bus.
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This is, um,
surreal enough already.
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Eh, suit yourself.
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I'll see you later.
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- Mm, hmm-hmm-hmm.
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[Grunting and groaning]
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Mm!
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Damn!
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Yeah.
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Whoo.
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Mm.
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[Fork clanks]
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- RJ, honey, we have to talk.
- I agree.
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Should I change the locks,
or should you?
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What, Jeriba?
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Oh, no, honey.
Don't worry about him.
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He's just a warm body
to fill the void.
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No, it's that tomorrow
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is your daddy's and my
20th anniversary.
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Oh.
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So I was hoping you could be
here in the evening.
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Okay, what for?
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So mommy doesn't have to be
alone with the sad monsters
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that live inside her heart.
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Why can't he hang with you?
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RJ, we've discussed this.
He can't do Friday nights.
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- Community service.
- Community service.
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It'll be fun.
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We'll order Armenian
and play pictionary.
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But mostly we'll just...
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Not cry.
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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[Whimpers]
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♪ Keep your head up ♪
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♪ even when you're
falling down ♪
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Have you ever hit pause
when the Asian guy's naked
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in the hangover?
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I mean, that's gotta be
the world's smallest penis.
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- Miles, I...
- Dude, seriously.
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You can't even see it
through the pubes.
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My life is falling apart,
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and this is what
you wanna talk about?
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If you were a superhero,
that little Asian guy
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would be your arch-Nemesis.
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He'd be the ying to your wang.
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Let me see your hand.
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- What?
- Let me see your hand.
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[Sighs]
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How long it take you
to write that?
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All morning.
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Damn, girl.
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If you didn't already have
a limp,
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I would give you one.
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I am gonna hump
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your overdeveloped brains
out your skull.
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Mm!
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Ugh.
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Unbelievable.
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00:04:44,846 --> 00:04:46,915
Robo-troll has a boyfriend.
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I can't even buy a second look
from a blind girl.
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That's it, man.
I'm gettin' in shape.
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Miles, you do this
every couple of weeks.
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You say you're gonna get
in shape.
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You go home.
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You jog half a mile.
You vomit.
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And then you spend the rest
of the afternoon
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writing jokes on your hands.
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00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,783
Look, I love you, buddy.
But you have the self-control
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00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:04,785
of Lindsay Lohan's nostrils.
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00:05:04,819 --> 00:05:05,988
No, I'm serious.
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I'm gonna get in shape
this time.
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I'm gettin' in shape.
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RJ, you...
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Got a minute?
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Okay.
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Whew.
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Is everything okay?
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Uh, not really.
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But, hey,
I got my first paycheck
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as a substitute teacher.
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Although after taxes
and a week's rent,
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it comes to 23 bucks.
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Although you'd be surprised
at how far that goes
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at 7-11.
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- I gotta get to class.
- Right.
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RJ, I was just wondering
if, uh,
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if you were free to spend
a little time
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with your old man
tomorrow night.
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Oh, actually,
I've... I've already made...
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It's just that
I don't trust myself to be alone
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on my first anniversary
away from mommy.
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I'll be honest, son.
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$18.50 of that $23 went
to five bottles of red wine.
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Right now they're the only,
uh, company I've got.
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Yeah, dad.
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Of course I'll...
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All right!
Oh, thank you so much!
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Oh, you have made
a sad, sad man
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just a tiny, tiny bit
less sad.
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This is gonna be great.
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Now, I'll... I'll fire up
the hot plate,
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and I'll whip up
some Franks,
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00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:04,816
and I've got this little
doohickey from radio shack
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00:06:04,851 --> 00:06:06,587
that lets you hook up a vcr
to a tv,
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00:06:06,621 --> 00:06:08,558
so we can watch
our favorite tape together,
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just like old times.
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[Giggles]
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[Sniffs]
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Miles...
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I need you
to come hold me.
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Oh, you're so strong.
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[Birds chirping]
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Being a male cheerleader
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is like having
McDonald's and burger king
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all at once, Miles.
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First you see
the golden arches.
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Then you have it your way.
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Oh, Miles!
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That's amazing.
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Hands off, bitch!
He's mine!
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[Boing]
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- Uh-uh, girl.
He's mine!
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[Ploink]
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Whoa, whoa.
180
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Easy.
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There's plenty to go around.
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00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:07,451
God gave me ten fingers.
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00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:09,456
[Girls chanting like a cheer]
Keep your hands off him.
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Gonna get what I want.
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[Chanting continues]
Yeah, baby!
186
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Spirit fingers.
187
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So great, instead of one
clinically depressed parent,
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I get both of them.
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00:07:19,278 --> 00:07:20,513
Guess if I leave my mom's
early enough,
190
00:07:20,547 --> 00:07:21,817
I can make it over
to my dad
191
00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:24,255
before he weeps his way through
our old vacation photos.
192
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:26,326
I'm telling you,
as a veteran of divorce,
193
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:27,495
these things never end well.
194
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Yeah, I know,
but what am I supposed to do?
195
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I can't let them both down.
196
00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:31,405
Are you kidding me?
They let you down.
197
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Listen, RJ, I know what you're
going through.
198
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Believe me.
199
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:35,915
And I know
how tempting it is
200
00:07:35,949 --> 00:07:37,218
to play the nice guy.
201
00:07:37,253 --> 00:07:38,789
But you have to stop trying
to please everybody else
202
00:07:38,823 --> 00:07:40,458
and start taking care
of yourself.
203
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,527
Your parents are grown-ups.
204
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,265
- Not really.
- Okay, well, maybe not.
205
00:07:43,299 --> 00:07:44,567
But I do know
that it is their job
206
00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:46,371
to take care of you,
and not the other way around.
207
00:07:46,406 --> 00:07:49,813
So are you still planning
on doing this alone?
208
00:07:49,847 --> 00:07:51,450
- Well, I-I don't really think
I have another choice.
209
00:07:51,484 --> 00:07:54,289
Well, I could maybe
go with you
210
00:07:54,324 --> 00:07:55,792
for moral support.
211
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:58,766
You are aware
that my mom and coach are...
212
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,001
Crazy.
213
00:08:00,035 --> 00:08:02,506
And completely self-absorbed
and psycho.
214
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:03,608
Yeah, I totally know that.
215
00:08:03,642 --> 00:08:04,778
But that is divorce, RJ.
216
00:08:04,812 --> 00:08:06,280
My parents went
through the same thing.
217
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:09,621
Except, actually, it was my dad
that left for a black guy.
218
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:10,757
Yeah.
219
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,427
The point is,
sometimes everybody needs
220
00:08:12,461 --> 00:08:13,428
a little support.
221
00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:16,201
So my mom's apartment, 6:30.
222
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:17,203
It's a date.
223
00:08:17,238 --> 00:08:18,205
[Bell rings]
224
00:08:18,239 --> 00:08:19,541
- ? Oh oh-oh
oh oh-oh ?
225
00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:20,844
♪ oh oh oh ♪
226
00:08:20,878 --> 00:08:23,282
♪ oh oh-oh
oh oh-oh ♪
227
00:08:23,317 --> 00:08:24,619
♪ oh oh ♪
228
00:08:24,653 --> 00:08:25,855
♪ wham bam, here I am ♪
229
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,225
♪ gonna start a plan ♪
230
00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:29,329
♪ and raise hell, yeah ♪
231
00:08:29,363 --> 00:08:31,166
♪ got you eating
out of my hand ♪
232
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,003
Stop, stop, stop!
233
00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:34,173
What was that?
234
00:08:34,207 --> 00:08:37,078
Um, Robin,
what are you guys doing?
235
00:08:37,113 --> 00:08:38,815
What does it look like
we're doing?
236
00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:41,354
We're practicing?
237
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,924
I'm team captain.
I lead practice.
238
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:44,561
Well, you were late.
239
00:08:44,596 --> 00:08:45,930
And we got tired of waiting.
240
00:08:45,964 --> 00:08:47,400
- Oh, really.
- Hey!
241
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,672
What the hell?
242
00:08:49,706 --> 00:08:50,674
'Sup, chicken heads?
243
00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:51,676
- ? Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh ?
244
00:08:51,710 --> 00:08:53,680
Anybody need a lift?
245
00:08:53,836 --> 00:08:56,822
- ? Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh ?
246
00:08:59,389 --> 00:09:02,058
♪ I can feel it ♪
247
00:09:02,705 --> 00:09:05,999
♪ do you feel it ♪
248
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,938
♪ I can feel it ♪
249
00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:08,949
Morning, bud.
250
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,950
Hey, dad.
Can we talk about something?
251
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,252
[Singsong tone]
Look what I've got.
252
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,786
Sir homie, the brown knight?
No way!
253
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:16,987
It's one of the few things
your mom sent me
254
00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:18,354
that I didn't burn.
255
00:09:18,389 --> 00:09:19,487
- That's good.
- Yeah.
256
00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:20,488
Uh, hey, about tonight.
257
00:09:20,523 --> 00:09:21,722
Hey, look,
I gotta tell ya.
258
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:22,956
If I didn't have this
to look forward to,
259
00:09:22,991 --> 00:09:24,690
if I didn't have you
to depend on,
260
00:09:24,725 --> 00:09:26,157
I-I might die
of a broken heart.
261
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,059
- Dad, don't say that.
- No, no, it's true.
262
00:09:28,093 --> 00:09:29,292
And someday I'm gonna go
to Israel
263
00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:30,959
and plant a tree in your name
264
00:09:30,994 --> 00:09:32,728
because you saved
a life today.
265
00:09:32,761 --> 00:09:33,928
No, well,
listen to me babble on.
266
00:09:33,962 --> 00:09:35,596
Um, you were gonna say
something, sorry.
267
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:37,797
Go ahead.
268
00:09:37,832 --> 00:09:40,432
I was going to say...
269
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:43,669
I have something
to do earlier in the evening,
270
00:09:43,703 --> 00:09:44,836
so I was kinda hoping
we could meet up
271
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:46,004
a little later on.
272
00:09:46,037 --> 00:09:49,138
Oh, so when you say
something,
273
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:51,807
you really mean someone,
huh?
274
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:52,841
Huh?
275
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:54,275
- Uh...
- Yeah?
276
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,509
Someone.
277
00:09:55,543 --> 00:09:56,543
[Laughs jovially]
278
00:09:56,578 --> 00:09:57,944
Attaboy!
279
00:09:57,978 --> 00:10:00,612
Sure, we can meet later.
Absolutely.
280
00:10:00,646 --> 00:10:03,614
[Hard rock music]
281
00:10:03,648 --> 00:10:05,381
♪ ♪
282
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:07,349
So in other words,
you pussed out.
283
00:10:07,384 --> 00:10:08,717
He was desperate, Miles.
What else was I supposed to do?
284
00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,051
Wait, wait a second.
285
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:11,452
So y'all mean to tell me
I'm the only one here
286
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,553
whose parents
are happily married?
287
00:10:13,588 --> 00:10:16,589
170 iq with a stable,
upper-middle class home life.
288
00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:17,656
Ha!
289
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:18,990
Who's your stereotype now,
homie?
290
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,225
Well, you are dating
a white girl with a huge ass.
291
00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:22,593
True.
292
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:24,694
If I were you,
I'd call his bluff.
293
00:10:24,728 --> 00:10:26,328
I mean, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
294
00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,496
Uh, I don't know.
295
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:29,063
I mean,
he could kill himself.
296
00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:30,231
Bingo.
297
00:10:30,265 --> 00:10:32,399
And you got a spare dad
waiting in the wings.
298
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:34,334
Miles, I don't want coach
to be my dad.
299
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,068
I don't even want him
to be my coach.
300
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,969
All I'm saying
is give the guy a chance.
301
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:39,003
He's friends with pimps.
302
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,036
- Mm.
- Wow.
303
00:10:40,071 --> 00:10:41,670
Another selfless act
of friendship.
304
00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:43,704
You know, you'd be a lot cuter
if you didn't talk.
305
00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,405
Oh, and you'd be
a lot smarter.
306
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,405
Ooh.
307
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,039
I like this girl more
every day.
308
00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:49,240
Me, too.
309
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:50,407
Well, I think it's time
for me to get
310
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,408
to cheerleading practice.
311
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,009
I am gonna have McDonald's
312
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,743
and burger king today.
313
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:56,411
And how is that different
from any other day?
314
00:10:56,445 --> 00:10:57,411
Ohhh!
315
00:10:57,446 --> 00:10:59,212
- Ohhh!
- Hey!
316
00:10:59,246 --> 00:11:00,379
[Laughter]
317
00:11:00,414 --> 00:11:02,381
Well played, baby.
318
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:07,350
[Intermittent dribbling]
319
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,252
Jeriba.
320
00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:12,254
Hey, Rick.
321
00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:14,421
[Steadily streaming]
322
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,189
Ohhh.
323
00:11:16,223 --> 00:11:17,356
How's it hangin'?
324
00:11:17,390 --> 00:11:19,257
Oh, you know.
Alone.
325
00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:20,792
Big plans for this weekend?
326
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:22,025
- Me?
- Yeah.
327
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:23,226
Nah.
328
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,494
Not a damn thing.
329
00:11:24,528 --> 00:11:26,728
Well, unless you count
leavin' my mark
330
00:11:26,762 --> 00:11:28,395
on some fine white ass.
331
00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:29,830
[Laughs]
332
00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:32,131
And you?
333
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:33,598
Oh, actually,
I'm getting together
334
00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:34,899
with RJ tonight.
335
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,666
Gonna have some old-fashioned
father-son bonding.
336
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:37,667
Is that so?
337
00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:38,900
- Mm-hmm.
338
00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:41,168
Good luck with that.
339
00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:43,037
[Dribbles]
340
00:11:43,071 --> 00:11:45,505
♪ Are you ready ♪
341
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,939
♪ are you ready ♪
342
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,773
[Rhythmic claps]
343
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:50,407
♪ If you don't like ♪
344
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:51,842
♪ how I talk ♪
345
00:11:51,876 --> 00:11:55,143
♪ just know I'm walkin'
my walk ♪
346
00:11:55,178 --> 00:11:56,545
♪ and baby you can ♪
347
00:11:56,578 --> 00:11:58,680
♪ k-I-s-s my derriere ♪
348
00:11:58,714 --> 00:12:00,915
♪ -iere,
my, my derriere ♪
349
00:12:00,949 --> 00:12:02,849
Oh, my God.
I'm doing it!
350
00:12:02,884 --> 00:12:04,551
Ready to come down?
Yeah.
351
00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:06,785
One, two... ah.
352
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:07,786
- Whoo!
- Yes!
353
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:09,187
Shut up and do it again.
354
00:12:09,222 --> 00:12:10,187
Okay.
355
00:12:10,222 --> 00:12:12,289
Oh, no, wait, wait.
356
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:13,690
Whoa, everybody stop.
357
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,224
What the hell, Meredith?
358
00:12:15,258 --> 00:12:17,125
I have girl cramps.
359
00:12:17,159 --> 00:12:18,293
Like I care!
360
00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:19,526
Get over there
and do it again!
361
00:12:19,561 --> 00:12:21,595
Maybe we should let her
take a break.
362
00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:23,295
Maybe you should let me
instill some discipline
363
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,430
in these girls,
364
00:12:24,464 --> 00:12:27,165
since you're obviously
not capable.
365
00:12:27,199 --> 00:12:29,033
Meredith, do it again.
366
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,033
- Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.
367
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:32,534
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
368
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:34,701
One, two, three, four,
369
00:12:34,736 --> 00:12:35,936
five, six, seven, eight.
370
00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,469
Oh.
371
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,237
Cheerleading rocks.
372
00:12:39,419 --> 00:12:41,620
Heh, heh, heh.
373
00:12:41,654 --> 00:12:45,056
[Screams]
374
00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:46,724
Agh, blood!
375
00:12:46,759 --> 00:12:47,725
Ohhhhh!
376
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,493
Oh, my God.
377
00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:53,697
[Miles babbling incoherently]
378
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,327
Dude, it's just blood.
379
00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:57,067
Just blood?
380
00:12:57,101 --> 00:12:58,405
Period blood isn't just...
381
00:12:58,439 --> 00:12:59,844
[Sighs heavily]
382
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:03,357
Period blood isn't just blood.
383
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:07,317
Period blood is what the devil
makes terrorists drink in hell.
384
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,408
Yeah, well, you're gonna give
yourself a blister.
385
00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:09,413
Who cares?
386
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:12,155
I probably need
a full face transplant!
387
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:13,393
Damn it!
388
00:13:13,428 --> 00:13:15,066
Why can't anything
just go right for me?
389
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,638
- Come on, Miles.
- Seriously!
390
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,411
I just wanted
to lose some weight
391
00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:20,116
to get girls to like me.
392
00:13:20,151 --> 00:13:22,692
Now I'm gonna be hearing
vampire jokes
393
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:23,863
the rest of my life.
394
00:13:23,897 --> 00:13:25,000
Miles.
395
00:13:25,034 --> 00:13:28,312
Buddy, come on.
396
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:29,483
When a girl likes you...
397
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,255
For real, likes you...
398
00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:33,364
It's not because you're skinny
or attractive
399
00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:35,003
or chiseled.
400
00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:37,245
It's because you're you.
401
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,085
You're funny, you're cool,
you're sincere.
402
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,795
The kind of guy who spends
an entire morning
403
00:13:41,829 --> 00:13:47,382
writing jokes on his hand
to make his buddy laugh.
404
00:13:47,417 --> 00:13:49,255
Look.
405
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:52,533
I know this is supposed to be
a nice friendship moment.
406
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:53,537
And don't get me wrong.
407
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,909
I really appreciate it, man.
408
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:56,648
I really do.
409
00:13:56,682 --> 00:13:58,220
But, uh,
410
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:02,569
I had a girl's period blood
on my face.
411
00:14:02,603 --> 00:14:05,311
Yeah, we should get back
to scrubbing.
412
00:14:05,346 --> 00:14:07,954
Put some elbow grease in it.
413
00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:10,966
♪ Hey ♪
414
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,341
[Light pop music]
415
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:14,880
♪ Hey ♪
416
00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:16,887
Five, six, seven, eight.
417
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:19,262
Lift, one, two, three, four,
418
00:14:19,297 --> 00:14:21,906
five, six, seven, eight.
419
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,143
You call that a lift,
bitch tits?
420
00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:24,146
Stop shaking!
421
00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:25,518
I can't help it.
422
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:27,660
My goggles are so fogged up,
I can't see anything.
423
00:14:27,695 --> 00:14:29,266
Awww.
424
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:32,009
I know it's hard lifting
that cow up in the air,
425
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:36,190
but we don't want
to drop her, do we?
426
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:38,366
Keep it up, girls.
One, two, three, four.
427
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,273
Five, six...
[Screams]
428
00:14:40,307 --> 00:14:43,082
[Crunch]
Ow, that hurt!
429
00:14:43,117 --> 00:14:44,890
Are you serious?
430
00:14:44,924 --> 00:14:47,298
Oh, no.
Are you hurt, Jenny?
431
00:14:47,332 --> 00:14:48,570
My ankle.
432
00:14:48,605 --> 00:14:51,414
[Whimpering]
433
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,752
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
434
00:14:52,787 --> 00:14:54,325
Practice isn't over.
435
00:14:54,359 --> 00:14:55,964
I'm taking her to the nurse,
you psycho hose beast.
436
00:14:55,999 --> 00:14:57,202
You do that,
437
00:14:57,236 --> 00:14:58,809
and you're both off the squad
for good!
438
00:14:58,843 --> 00:15:00,716
Oh, I'm really gonna miss
the period blood
439
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:01,887
all over my face!
440
00:15:01,921 --> 00:15:04,027
Oh!
You're finished, Swanson!
441
00:15:04,062 --> 00:15:06,002
God.
Back to one!
442
00:15:06,036 --> 00:15:07,240
What are you looking at?
443
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,246
[Lounge music]
444
00:15:09,281 --> 00:15:11,823
Mmm, look at that, huh?
445
00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,763
Oh, that meat looks fantastic.
446
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:15,100
Yeah, wait till you see
the real thing later.
447
00:15:15,136 --> 00:15:16,606
[Laughing]
448
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,345
Mom.
449
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:22,894
- [Gasps]
- Surprise, mother[bleep]!
450
00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:24,600
I thought you had...
451
00:15:24,635 --> 00:15:25,771
What, community service?
452
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:26,808
Yeah, I know.
453
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,013
I slipped a crack head
five bucks
454
00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:29,552
to clean that synagogue
for me.
455
00:15:29,587 --> 00:15:30,723
'Sides, I thought it'd be
a good idea
456
00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:32,831
if we spent some quality time
together.
457
00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:34,404
You know,
some family time.
458
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:37,249
Aren't you just
the sweetest thing?
459
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,587
Oh, I just wanna ungh!
460
00:15:38,621 --> 00:15:41,030
[Suggestive laughter]
461
00:15:41,064 --> 00:15:42,201
So, RJ, why don't you
and, um...
462
00:15:42,235 --> 00:15:43,204
Oh, I'm sorry.
463
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:45,546
Uh, mom, coach,
464
00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:46,952
this is Amy.
465
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:48,491
- Amy.
- Hi.
466
00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:50,799
So you're the older woman
Rj's been telling us about.
467
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,739
You are just as cute
as a button.
468
00:15:52,774 --> 00:15:53,945
And I can see what RJ meant
when he said
469
00:15:53,979 --> 00:15:55,852
you have the curves
of a video ViXen.
470
00:15:55,886 --> 00:15:57,591
What? No, I'm...
I never said that.
471
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:58,862
- Uh, no, that was me.
- Oh, that was him.
472
00:15:58,897 --> 00:15:59,866
Mm-hmm.
Coach Sinclair.
473
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,003
- Hi.
- How you doing?
474
00:16:01,038 --> 00:16:02,074
You can call me Jeriba.
475
00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:03,446
Okay.
476
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,888
Mm, okay.
Have a seat.
477
00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:08,363
I, uh, cooked up
some of papa Sinclair's
478
00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:09,602
famous skirt steak
479
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,873
and bought a few bottles
of the good stuff
480
00:16:10,907 --> 00:16:11,877
to go with it.
481
00:16:11,912 --> 00:16:13,784
And RJ,
482
00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:15,156
if it's okay
with your mama,
483
00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:16,594
you and Amy can drink
as much as you want.
484
00:16:16,629 --> 00:16:17,933
Yeah, a few sips.
485
00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:20,945
Let's pretend we're French
for the evening.
486
00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:22,250
[Sirens wailing]
487
00:16:22,284 --> 00:16:25,495
[Upbeat rock music]
488
00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:33,557
♪ ♪
489
00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:42,053
Then the cop looked me
dead in the eye,
490
00:16:42,087 --> 00:16:43,223
put down his flashlight,
491
00:16:43,258 --> 00:16:45,598
and said,
"you sucked how many?"
492
00:16:45,632 --> 00:16:50,182
[Laughter]
493
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,624
Honestly,
that story gets funnier
494
00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:54,564
every time I hear it.
495
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:55,937
Oh, God.
496
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,643
Oh.
497
00:16:57,677 --> 00:16:59,616
[Sad rock music]
498
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:02,326
♪ Stop ♪
499
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:07,311
♪ this is where
you get off ♪
500
00:17:07,346 --> 00:17:11,159
♪ you can rattle your bones ♪
501
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:14,037
♪ but the hammer will drop ♪
502
00:17:14,071 --> 00:17:16,948
[Sobbing]
503
00:17:16,982 --> 00:17:18,520
You don't know how I feel.
504
00:17:18,555 --> 00:17:22,569
I can't believe it!
505
00:17:22,604 --> 00:17:24,409
I'm...In...
506
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,650
[Drunken laughter]
507
00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:28,189
Oh, these are tears
I don't mind crying.
508
00:17:28,224 --> 00:17:31,402
Tears of laughter.
Yeah, laughter and camaraderie.
509
00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:32,506
[Laughs]
510
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:35,584
- Awww.
- Yeah.
511
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,023
Ah, cin-cin.
512
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:40,770
[Warped rock music]
513
00:17:40,804 --> 00:17:42,778
[Grunting]
514
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,922
♪ ♪
515
00:17:45,957 --> 00:17:48,799
Yahhhhh!
516
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:53,517
♪ ♪
517
00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:55,792
[Line ringing]
518
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:56,929
We're sorry.
519
00:17:56,964 --> 00:17:58,300
Your cellular account
has been suspended
520
00:17:58,336 --> 00:17:59,472
due to nonpayment.
521
00:17:59,507 --> 00:18:01,546
To speak...
522
00:18:15,497 --> 00:18:18,542
[Head thumping on wall]
523
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:19,544
Hey, keep it down!
524
00:18:19,579 --> 00:18:21,585
Ow.
525
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:22,890
[Laughing deeply]
526
00:18:22,924 --> 00:18:24,495
I love that I just, like,
caught RJ
527
00:18:24,529 --> 00:18:26,569
eating his own poopy.
528
00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:28,877
- Mom, enough.
- You ate your own poop?
529
00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,483
- Oh, that ain't right.
- It was Thanksgiving.
530
00:18:30,517 --> 00:18:31,687
You know,
I think my little gobbler
531
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:33,627
just wanted a pre-Turkey snack.
532
00:18:33,661 --> 00:18:35,835
- Okay, mom.
- Goddamn, son.
533
00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:37,173
Well, remind me
never to kiss you again.
534
00:18:37,207 --> 00:18:39,514
I honestly thought
it was pumpkin pie.
535
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:40,685
But what are you gonna do?
536
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,859
11-year-olds, you know?
537
00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:44,866
- Uh, you were 11?
- It was a bad year.
538
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,572
It was.
It was a bad year.
539
00:18:46,606 --> 00:18:48,010
Well, it's getting
kinda late.
540
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,018
Um, we should be...
541
00:18:50,052 --> 00:18:51,557
Opening up another bottle.
542
00:18:51,592 --> 00:18:52,896
I completely agree.
543
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,040
[Giggling]
544
00:18:56,075 --> 00:18:58,684
[Tinny medieval music]
545
00:18:58,718 --> 00:19:00,424
Pray tell,
546
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,632
what strange manner of dress
is this?
547
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,071
[Visor squeaks]
548
00:19:04,105 --> 00:19:05,108
Oh, snap!
549
00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:07,550
I done ended up
in olden times.
550
00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:08,756
[Visor squeaks]
551
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:10,328
[Screaming]
552
00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:11,732
Hey, quit it!
553
00:19:11,768 --> 00:19:13,406
No!
554
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,447
[Laughter]
555
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,964
[Doorbell rings]
556
00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:21,536
I'll get it.
557
00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:23,042
If that's the neighbor
telling us to keep it down,
558
00:19:23,076 --> 00:19:26,020
I'll kick...
I'll kick his damn ass!
559
00:19:26,054 --> 00:19:28,261
I bet you will.
560
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,137
Dad.
561
00:19:33,562 --> 00:19:36,053
- I counted on you, RJ.
- Son of a bitch.
562
00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:39,134
I counted on you,
and you weren't there for me.
563
00:19:39,169 --> 00:19:41,211
Good evening, Amy.
Hi, Mr. Berger.
564
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,391
- Jeriba.
- Mm.
565
00:19:43,427 --> 00:19:46,021
Guess who's coming to dinner.
566
00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:47,233
You're drunk, Rick.
567
00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:48,617
- Ohhh.
- Now, honey.
568
00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:50,867
You're pretty [bleep]ed up
yourself.
569
00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,078
Jeriba, please.
570
00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,358
Dad, I understand
that you're mad.
571
00:19:53,394 --> 00:19:54,397
I'm not mad.
572
00:19:54,432 --> 00:19:56,058
I'm just...
573
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:57,166
Broken-hearted.
574
00:19:57,201 --> 00:19:58,550
Dad, I'll go with you
right now,
575
00:19:58,586 --> 00:19:59,934
and we'll watch the movie.
576
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,354
Don't bother.
You have a new brown knight now.
577
00:20:01,389 --> 00:20:02,599
Hey!
578
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,404
That's some racist bull[bleep]
right there, Berger.
579
00:20:05,439 --> 00:20:06,685
Dad, it's not like that.
580
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,416
Mm.
581
00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:11,116
Enjoy each other.
582
00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:16,551
- Well, one thing worse
than a run-in
583
00:20:16,587 --> 00:20:17,590
with your drunk daddy.
584
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:19,114
That's a run-in
585
00:20:19,149 --> 00:20:21,363
with your drunk daddy
and a cold skirt steak.
586
00:20:21,399 --> 00:20:22,670
My name is RJ Berger,
587
00:20:22,818 --> 00:20:26,680
and please let me wake up
from this nightmare.
588
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:40,077
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com