1
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<i>Previously on The Hard Times of RJ Berger...</i>

2
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- Morning, Berger.
- Oh, my God!

3
00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:05,506
What are you doing here?

4
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:07,676
RJ, is that any way to treat a guest?

5
00:00:07,710 --> 00:00:09,613
Are you asking me out on a date?

6
00:00:09,648 --> 00:00:11,083
Yes, I am.

7
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,563
I suppose you're here to tell me...

8
00:00:28,597 --> 00:00:29,800
to stay away from your mother.

9
00:00:29,835 --> 00:00:31,537
You suppose correctly.

10
00:00:31,572 --> 00:00:33,275
And if I don't?

11
00:00:33,309 --> 00:00:34,946
Then, Mr. Sinclair...

12
00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:37,987
Life becomes extraordinarily
difficult for you.

13
00:00:41,197 --> 00:00:43,802
A threat.

14
00:00:43,837 --> 00:00:48,080
A promise.

15
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:51,690
There are quite a few secrets
rattling around that skull of yours.

16
00:00:51,725 --> 00:00:55,667
Secrets that the school board
or your parole officer...

17
00:00:55,701 --> 00:00:57,170
might find rather interesting.

18
00:00:57,204 --> 00:01:00,110
With all due respect, Mr. Sinclair,

19
00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:03,486
you have no choice but to obey.

20
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,825
With all due respect, Mr. Berger,

21
00:01:05,859 --> 00:01:07,562
you can kiss my black ass.

22
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What the...

23
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No, no, no, not yet!

24
00:01:44,282 --> 00:01:45,818
Damn it, Miles.

25
00:01:45,852 --> 00:01:47,421
You pulled me out too soon!

26
00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:48,857
I had him!

27
00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:51,529
Five minutes. Not a second more.

28
00:01:51,564 --> 00:01:55,339
Those were your instructions.

29
00:01:55,374 --> 00:01:56,441
I had him.

30
00:01:56,476 --> 00:01:58,445
Look at you, man.

31
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,517
You're coming apart at the seams.

32
00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:02,488
If I wanted a sermon, I'd go to church.

33
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:06,697
Have you been cooking bacon?

34
00:02:06,731 --> 00:02:08,100
Miles, what the hell were you doing?

35
00:02:08,134 --> 00:02:10,772
The only thing that'll
make you see the light.

36
00:02:23,637 --> 00:02:24,705
Ugh!

37
00:02:24,739 --> 00:02:27,711
Wakey, wakey. Eggs and bac-y.

38
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:31,887
Your mama made us breakfast.

39
00:02:31,922 --> 00:02:33,558
My name is RJ Berger.

40
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And every morning I wake
up to the same nightmare.

41
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Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com

42
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Mm, deeeelicious.

43
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Deeelighted to hear it.

44
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Well, I'm ghost.

45
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Gotta let the golf team in...

46
00:02:56,778 --> 00:02:58,314
for their morning workout.

47
00:02:58,348 --> 00:02:59,449
Want a ride to school, son?

48
00:02:59,484 --> 00:03:01,153
No, I'll... I'll take the bus.

49
00:03:01,187 --> 00:03:02,657
This is, um, surreal enough already.

50
00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,794
Eh, suit yourself.

51
00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:05,829
I'll see you later.

52
00:03:05,864 --> 00:03:09,203
Mm, hmm-hmm-hmm.

53
00:03:13,748 --> 00:03:14,716
Mm!

54
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:15,718
Damn!

55
00:03:15,752 --> 00:03:17,555
Yeah.

56
00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:21,230
Whoo.

57
00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:22,232
Mm.

58
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,406
- RJ, honey, we have to talk.
- I agree.

59
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,477
Should I change the locks, or should you?

60
00:03:27,512 --> 00:03:28,613
What, Jeriba?

61
00:03:28,648 --> 00:03:29,916
Oh, no, honey. Don't worry about him.

62
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,419
He's just a warm body to fill the void.

63
00:03:31,454 --> 00:03:33,523
No, it's that tomorrow...

64
00:03:33,558 --> 00:03:37,031
is your daddy's and my 20th anniversary.

65
00:03:37,065 --> 00:03:38,333
Oh.

66
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:39,904
So I was hoping you could
be here in the evening.

67
00:03:39,938 --> 00:03:41,774
Okay, what for?

68
00:03:41,809 --> 00:03:43,078
So mommy doesn't have to be
alone with the sad monsters...

69
00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:44,280
that live inside her heart.

70
00:03:44,314 --> 00:03:46,083
Why can't he hang with you?

71
00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:47,953
RJ, we've discussed this.
He can't do Friday nights.

72
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- Community service.
- Community service.

73
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:52,029
It'll be fun.

74
00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:54,200
We'll order Armenian and play pictionary.

75
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,606
But mostly we'll just...

76
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Not cry.

77
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- Okay.
- Okay.

78
00:04:05,026 --> 00:04:07,163
Have you ever hit pause when
the Asian guy's naked...

79
00:04:07,198 --> 00:04:08,633
<i>in the hangover?</i>

80
00:04:08,668 --> 00:04:10,571
I mean, that's gotta be the
world's smallest penis.

81
00:04:10,606 --> 00:04:11,975
- Miles, I...
- Dude, seriously.

82
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You can't even see it through the pubes.

83
00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:15,416
My life is falling apart,

84
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:16,986
and this is what you wanna talk about?

85
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,923
If you were a superhero,
that little Asian guy...

86
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,327
would be your arch-Nemesis.

87
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,498
He'd be the ying to your wang.

88
00:04:22,532 --> 00:04:24,068
Let me see your hand.

89
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:26,172
- What?
- Let me see your hand.

90
00:04:28,077 --> 00:04:29,780
How long it take you to write that?

91
00:04:29,814 --> 00:04:30,882
All morning.

92
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Damn, girl.

93
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If you didn't already have a limp,

94
00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,058
I would give you one.

95
00:04:35,092 --> 00:04:36,193
I am gonna hump...

96
00:04:36,228 --> 00:04:39,534
your overdeveloped brains out your skull.

97
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:41,972
Mm!

98
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:43,208
Ugh.

99
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:44,811
Unbelievable.

100
00:04:44,846 --> 00:04:46,915
Robo-troll has a boyfriend.

101
00:04:46,951 --> 00:04:49,922
I can't even buy a second
look from a blind girl.

102
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,659
That's it, man. I'm gettin' in shape.

103
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:54,331
Miles, you do this every couple of weeks.

104
00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:55,701
You say you're gonna get in shape.

105
00:04:55,735 --> 00:04:56,703
You go home.

106
00:04:56,737 --> 00:04:58,473
You jog half a mile. You vomit.

107
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,842
And then you spend the
rest of the afternoon...

108
00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:01,345
writing jokes on your hands.

109
00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,783
Look, I love you, buddy.
But you have the self-control...

110
00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:04,785
of Lindsay Lohan's nostrils.

111
00:05:04,819 --> 00:05:05,988
No, I'm serious.

112
00:05:06,022 --> 00:05:07,290
I'm gonna get in shape this time.

113
00:05:07,324 --> 00:05:08,793
I'm gettin' in shape.

114
00:05:08,828 --> 00:05:11,866
RJ, you...

115
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:13,603
Got a minute?

116
00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:16,410
Okay.

117
00:05:16,444 --> 00:05:17,913
Whew.

118
00:05:17,947 --> 00:05:19,516
Is everything okay?

119
00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:21,253
Uh, not really.

120
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,791
But, hey, I got my first paycheck...

121
00:05:22,825 --> 00:05:23,993
as a substitute teacher.

122
00:05:24,028 --> 00:05:26,633
Although after taxes and a week's rent,

123
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it comes to 23 bucks.

124
00:05:28,104 --> 00:05:29,807
Although you'd be surprised
at how far that goes...

125
00:05:29,841 --> 00:05:30,977
at 7-11.

126
00:05:31,011 --> 00:05:32,246
- I gotta get to class.
- Right.

127
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,484
RJ, I was just wondering if, uh,

128
00:05:34,519 --> 00:05:36,254
if you were free to spend a little time...

129
00:05:36,289 --> 00:05:37,524
with your old man tomorrow night.

130
00:05:37,558 --> 00:05:39,628
Oh, actually, I've... I've already made...

131
00:05:39,663 --> 00:05:41,699
It's just that I don't
trust myself to be alone...

132
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:43,302
on my first anniversary away from mommy.

133
00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:44,704
I'll be honest, son.

134
00:05:44,739 --> 00:05:46,776
$18.50 of that $23 went to
five bottles of red wine.

135
00:05:46,810 --> 00:05:49,782
Right now they're the only,
uh, company I've got.

136
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:50,784
Yeah, dad.

137
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,053
Of course I'll...

138
00:05:52,088 --> 00:05:53,857
All right! Oh, thank you so much!

139
00:05:53,891 --> 00:05:55,795
Oh, you have made a sad, sad man...

140
00:05:55,829 --> 00:05:57,198
just a tiny, tiny bit less sad.

141
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,203
This is gonna be great.

142
00:05:59,237 --> 00:06:00,640
Now, I'll... I'll fire up the hot plate,

143
00:06:00,674 --> 00:06:03,379
and I'll whip up some Franks,

144
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:04,816
and I've got this little
doohickey from radio shack...

145
00:06:04,851 --> 00:06:06,587
that lets you hook up a vcr to a tv,

146
00:06:06,621 --> 00:06:08,558
so we can watch our favorite tape together,

147
00:06:08,592 --> 00:06:10,162
just like old times.

148
00:06:30,806 --> 00:06:32,375
Miles...

149
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:36,317
I need you to come hold me.

150
00:06:36,351 --> 00:06:38,822
Oh, you're so strong.

151
00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:41,261
Being a male cheerleader...

152
00:06:41,296 --> 00:06:43,366
is like having McDonald's and burger king...

153
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,069
all at once, Miles.

154
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First you see the golden arches.

155
00:06:48,044 --> 00:06:51,082
Then you have it your way.

156
00:06:51,117 --> 00:06:53,421
Oh, Miles!

157
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,590
That's amazing.

158
00:06:54,624 --> 00:06:56,494
Hands off, bitch! He's mine!

159
00:06:58,065 --> 00:07:00,202
Uh-uh, girl. He's mine!

160
00:07:01,239 --> 00:07:02,574
Whoa, whoa.

161
00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:03,876
Easy.

162
00:07:03,911 --> 00:07:05,614
There's plenty to go around.

163
00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:07,451
God gave me ten fingers.

164
00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:09,456
Keep your hands off him.

165
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:10,458
Gonna get what I want.

166
00:07:10,492 --> 00:07:13,331
Yeah, baby!

167
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:15,903
Spirit fingers.

168
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,874
So great, instead of one
clinically depressed parent,

169
00:07:17,908 --> 00:07:19,244
I get both of them.

170
00:07:19,278 --> 00:07:20,513
Guess if I leave my mom's early enough,

171
00:07:20,547 --> 00:07:21,817
I can make it over to my dad...

172
00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:24,255
before he weeps his way through
our old vacation photos.

173
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:26,326
I'm telling you, as a veteran of divorce,

174
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:27,495
these things never end well.

175
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:28,632
Yeah, I know, but what am I supposed to do?

176
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:29,768
I can't let them both down.

177
00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:31,405
Are you kidding me? They let you down.

178
00:07:31,439 --> 00:07:33,777
Listen, RJ, I know what
you're going through.

179
00:07:33,812 --> 00:07:34,879
Believe me.

180
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:35,915
And I know how tempting it is...

181
00:07:35,949 --> 00:07:37,218
to play the nice guy.

182
00:07:37,253 --> 00:07:38,789
But you have to stop trying
to please everybody else...

183
00:07:38,823 --> 00:07:40,458
and start taking care of yourself.

184
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,527
Your parents are grown-ups.

185
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,265
- Not really.
- Okay, well, maybe not.

186
00:07:43,299 --> 00:07:44,567
But I do know that it is their job...

187
00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:46,371
to take care of you,
and not the other way around.

188
00:07:46,406 --> 00:07:49,813
So are you still planning
on doing this alone?

189
00:07:49,847 --> 00:07:51,450
Well, I-I don't really
think I have another choice.

190
00:07:51,484 --> 00:07:54,289
Well, I could maybe go with you...

191
00:07:54,324 --> 00:07:55,792
for moral support.

192
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:58,766
You are aware that my mom and coach are...

193
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,001
Crazy.

194
00:08:00,035 --> 00:08:02,506
And completely self-absorbed and psycho.

195
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:03,608
Yeah, I totally know that.

196
00:08:03,642 --> 00:08:04,778
But that is divorce, RJ.

197
00:08:04,812 --> 00:08:06,280
My parents went through the same thing.

198
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:09,621
Except, actually, it was my
dad that left for a black guy.

199
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:10,757
Yeah.

200
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,427
The point is, sometimes everybody needs...

201
00:08:12,461 --> 00:08:13,428
a little support.

202
00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:16,201
So my mom's apartment, 6:30.

203
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:17,203
It's a date.

204
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,003
Stop, stop, stop!

205
00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:34,173
What was that?

206
00:08:34,207 --> 00:08:37,078
Um, Robin, what are you guys doing?

207
00:08:37,113 --> 00:08:38,815
What does it look like we're doing?

208
00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:41,354
We're practicing?

209
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,924
I'm team captain. I lead practice.

210
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:44,561
Well, you were late.

211
00:08:44,596 --> 00:08:45,930
And we got tired of waiting.

212
00:08:45,964 --> 00:08:47,400
- Oh, really.
- Hey!

213
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,672
What the hell?

214
00:08:49,706 --> 00:08:50,674
'Sup, chicken heads?

215
00:08:51,710 --> 00:08:53,680
Anybody need a lift?

216
00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:08,949
Morning, bud.

217
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,950
Hey, dad. Can we talk about something?

218
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,252
Look what I've got.

219
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,786
<i>Sir homie, the brown knight? No way!</i>

220
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:16,987
It's one of the few
things your mom sent me...

221
00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:18,354
that I didn't burn.

222
00:09:18,389 --> 00:09:19,487
- That's good.
- Yeah.

223
00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:20,488
Uh, hey, about tonight.

224
00:09:20,523 --> 00:09:21,722
Hey, look, I gotta tell ya.

225
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:22,956
If I didn't have this to look forward to,

226
00:09:22,991 --> 00:09:24,690
if I didn't have you to depend on,

227
00:09:24,725 --> 00:09:26,157
I-I might die of a broken heart.

228
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,059
- Dad, don't say that.
- No, no, it's true.

229
00:09:28,093 --> 00:09:29,292
And someday I'm gonna go to Israel...

230
00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:30,959
and plant a tree in your name...

231
00:09:30,994 --> 00:09:32,728
because you saved a life today.

232
00:09:32,761 --> 00:09:33,928
No, well, listen to me babble on.

233
00:09:33,962 --> 00:09:35,596
Um, you were gonna say something, sorry.

234
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:37,797
Go ahead.

235
00:09:37,832 --> 00:09:40,432
I was going to say...

236
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:43,669
I have something to do
earlier in the evening,

237
00:09:43,703 --> 00:09:44,836
so I was kinda hoping we could meet up...

238
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:46,004
a little later on.

239
00:09:46,037 --> 00:09:49,138
Oh, so when you say something,

240
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:51,807
you really mean someone, huh?

241
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:52,841
Huh?

242
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:54,275
- Uh...
- Yeah?

243
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,509
Someone.

244
00:09:56,578 --> 00:09:57,944
Attaboy!

245
00:09:57,978 --> 00:10:00,612
Sure, we can meet later. Absolutely.

246
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:07,349
So in other words, you pussed out.

247
00:10:07,384 --> 00:10:08,717
He was desperate, Miles.
What else was I supposed to do?

248
00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,051
Wait, wait a second.

249
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:11,452
So y'all mean to tell me
I'm the only one here...

250
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,553
whose parents are happily married?

251
00:10:13,588 --> 00:10:16,589
170 iq with a stable,
upper-middle class home life.

252
00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:17,656
Ha!

253
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:18,990
Who's your stereotype now, homie?

254
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,225
Well, you are dating a
white girl with a huge ass.

255
00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:22,593
True.

256
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:24,694
If I were you, I'd call his bluff.

257
00:10:24,728 --> 00:10:26,328
I mean, what's the worst
thing that could happen?

258
00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,496
Uh, I don't know.

259
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:29,063
I mean, he could kill himself.

260
00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:30,231
Bingo.

261
00:10:30,265 --> 00:10:32,399
And you got a spare dad
waiting in the wings.

262
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:34,334
Miles, I don't want coach to be my dad.

263
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,068
I don't even want him to be my coach.

264
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,969
All I'm saying is give the guy a chance.

265
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:39,003
He's friends with pimps.

266
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,036
- Mm.
- Wow.

267
00:10:40,071 --> 00:10:41,670
Another selfless act of friendship.

268
00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:43,704
You know, you'd be a lot
cuter if you didn't talk.

269
00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,405
Oh, and you'd be a lot smarter.

270
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,405
Ooh.

271
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,039
I like this girl more every day.

272
00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:49,240
Me, too.

273
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:50,407
Well, I think it's time for me to get...

274
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,408
to cheerleading practice.

275
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,009
I am gonna have McDonald's...

276
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,743
<i>and burger king today.</i>

277
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:56,411
And how is that different
from any other day?

278
00:10:56,445 --> 00:10:57,411
Ohhh!

279
00:10:57,446 --> 00:10:59,212
- Ohhh!
- Hey!

280
00:11:00,414 --> 00:11:02,381
Well played, baby.

281
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,252
Jeriba.

282
00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:12,254
Hey, Rick.

283
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,189
Ohhh.

284
00:11:16,223 --> 00:11:17,356
How's it hangin'?

285
00:11:17,390 --> 00:11:19,257
Oh, you know. Alone.

286
00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:20,792
Big plans for this weekend?

287
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:22,025
- Me?
- Yeah.

288
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:23,226
Nah.

289
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,494
Not a damn thing.

290
00:11:24,528 --> 00:11:26,728
Well, unless you count leavin' my mark...

291
00:11:26,762 --> 00:11:28,395
on some fine white ass.

292
00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:32,131
And you?

293
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:33,598
Oh, actually, I'm getting together...

294
00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:34,899
with RJ tonight.

295
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,666
Gonna have some old-fashioned
father-son bonding.

296
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:37,667
Is that so?

297
00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:38,900
Mm-hmm.

298
00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:41,168
Good luck with that.

299
00:12:00,949 --> 00:12:02,849
Oh, my God. I'm doing it!

300
00:12:02,884 --> 00:12:04,551
Ready to come down? Yeah.

301
00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:06,785
One, two... ah.

302
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:07,786
- Whoo!
- Yes!

303
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:09,187
Shut up and do it again.

304
00:12:09,222 --> 00:12:10,187
Okay.

305
00:12:10,222 --> 00:12:12,289
Oh, no, wait, wait.

306
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:13,690
Whoa, everybody stop.

307
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,224
What the hell, Meredith?

308
00:12:15,258 --> 00:12:17,125
I have girl cramps.

309
00:12:17,159 --> 00:12:18,293
Like I care!

310
00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:19,526
Get over there and do it again!

311
00:12:19,561 --> 00:12:21,595
Maybe we should let her take a break.

312
00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:23,295
Maybe you should let me
instill some discipline...

313
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,430
in these girls,

314
00:12:24,464 --> 00:12:27,165
since you're obviously not capable.

315
00:12:27,199 --> 00:12:29,033
Meredith, do it again.

316
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,033
- Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.

317
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:32,534
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

318
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:34,701
One, two, three, four,

319
00:12:34,736 --> 00:12:35,936
five, six, seven, eight.

320
00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,469
Oh.

321
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,237
Cheerleading rocks.

322
00:12:39,419 --> 00:12:41,620
Heh, heh, heh.

323
00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:46,724
Agh, blood!

324
00:12:46,759 --> 00:12:47,725
Ohhhhh!

325
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,493
Oh, my God.

326
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,327
Dude, it's just blood.

327
00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:57,067
Just blood?

328
00:12:57,101 --> 00:12:58,405
Period blood isn't just...

329
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:03,357
Period blood isn't just blood.

330
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:07,317
Period blood is what the devil
makes terrorists drink in hell.

331
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,408
Yeah, well, you're gonna
give yourself a blister.

332
00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:09,413
Who cares?

333
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:12,155
I probably need a full face transplant!

334
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:13,393
Damn it!

335
00:13:13,428 --> 00:13:15,066
Why can't anything just go right for me?

336
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,638
- Come on, Miles.
- Seriously!

337
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,411
I just wanted to lose some weight...

338
00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:20,116
to get girls to like me.

339
00:13:20,151 --> 00:13:22,692
Now I'm gonna be hearing vampire jokes...

340
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:23,863
the rest of my life.

341
00:13:23,897 --> 00:13:25,000
Miles.

342
00:13:25,034 --> 00:13:28,312
Buddy, come on.

343
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:29,483
When a girl likes you...

344
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,255
For real, likes you...

345
00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:33,364
It's not because you're
skinny or attractive...

346
00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:35,003
or chiseled.

347
00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:37,245
It's because you're you.

348
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,085
You're funny, you're cool, you're sincere.

349
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,795
The kind of guy who spends
an entire morning...

350
00:13:41,829 --> 00:13:47,382
writing jokes on his hand
to make his buddy laugh.

351
00:13:47,417 --> 00:13:49,255
Look.

352
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:52,533
I know this is supposed to
be a nice friendship moment.

353
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:53,537
And don't get me wrong.

354
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,909
I really appreciate it, man.

355
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:56,648
I really do.

356
00:13:56,682 --> 00:13:58,220
But, uh,

357
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:02,569
I had a girl's period blood on my face.

358
00:14:02,603 --> 00:14:05,311
Yeah, we should get back to scrubbing.

359
00:14:05,346 --> 00:14:07,954
Put some elbow grease in it.

360
00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:16,887
Five, six, seven, eight.

361
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:19,262
Lift, one, two, three, four,

362
00:14:19,297 --> 00:14:21,906
five, six, seven, eight.

363
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,143
You call that a lift, bitch tits?

364
00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:24,146
Stop shaking!

365
00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:25,518
I can't help it.

366
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:27,660
My goggles are so fogged up,
I can't see anything.

367
00:14:27,695 --> 00:14:29,266
Awww.

368
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:32,009
I know it's hard lifting
that cow up in the air,

369
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:36,190
but we don't want to drop her, do we?

370
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:38,366
Keep it up, girls. One, two, three, four.

371
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,273
Five, six...

372
00:14:40,307 --> 00:14:43,082
Ow, that hurt!

373
00:14:43,117 --> 00:14:44,890
Are you serious?

374
00:14:44,924 --> 00:14:47,298
Oh, no. Are you hurt, Jenny?

375
00:14:47,332 --> 00:14:48,570
My ankle.

376
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,752
Hey, what do you think you're doing?

377
00:14:52,787 --> 00:14:54,325
Practice isn't over.

378
00:14:54,359 --> 00:14:55,964
I'm taking her to the nurse,
you psycho hose beast.

379
00:14:55,999 --> 00:14:57,202
You do that,

380
00:14:57,236 --> 00:14:58,809
and you're both off the squad for good!

381
00:14:58,843 --> 00:15:00,716
Oh, I'm really gonna
miss the period blood...

382
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:01,887
all over my face!

383
00:15:01,921 --> 00:15:04,027
Oh! You're finished, Swanson!

384
00:15:04,062 --> 00:15:06,002
God. Back to one!

385
00:15:06,036 --> 00:15:07,240
What are you looking at?

386
00:15:09,281 --> 00:15:11,823
Mmm, look at that, huh?

387
00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,763
Oh, that meat looks fantastic.

388
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:15,100
Yeah, wait till you see
the real thing later.

389
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,345
Mom.

390
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:22,894
Surprise, mother[Bleep]!

391
00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:24,600
I thought you had...

392
00:15:24,635 --> 00:15:25,771
What, community service?

393
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:26,808
Yeah, I know.

394
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,013
I slipped a crack head five bucks...

395
00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:29,552
to clean that synagogue for me.

396
00:15:29,587 --> 00:15:30,723
'Sides, I thought it'd be a good idea...

397
00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:32,831
if we spent some quality time together.

398
00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:34,404
You know, some family time.

399
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:37,249
Aren't you just the sweetest thing?

400
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,587
Oh, I just wanna ungh!

401
00:15:41,064 --> 00:15:42,201
So, RJ, why don't you and, um...

402
00:15:42,235 --> 00:15:43,204
Oh, I'm sorry.

403
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:45,546
Uh, mom, coach,

404
00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:46,952
this is Amy.

405
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:48,491
- Amy.
- Hi.

406
00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:50,799
So you're the older woman
Rj's been telling us about.

407
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,739
You are just as cute as a button.

408
00:15:52,774 --> 00:15:53,945
And I can see what RJ meant when he said...

409
00:15:53,979 --> 00:15:55,852
you have the curves of a video ViXen.

410
00:15:55,886 --> 00:15:57,591
What? No, I'm... I never said that.

411
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:58,862
- Uh, no, that was me.
- Oh, that was him.

412
00:15:58,897 --> 00:15:59,866
Mm-hmm. Coach Sinclair.

413
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,003
- Hi.
- How you doing?

414
00:16:01,038 --> 00:16:02,074
You can call me Jeriba.

415
00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:03,446
Okay.

416
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,888
Mm, okay. Have a seat.

417
00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:08,363
I, uh, cooked up some of papa Sinclair's...

418
00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:09,602
famous skirt steak...

419
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,873
and bought a few bottles
of the good stuff...

420
00:16:10,907 --> 00:16:11,877
to go with it.

421
00:16:11,912 --> 00:16:13,784
And RJ,

422
00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:15,156
if it's okay with your mama,

423
00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:16,594
you and Amy can drink as much as you want.

424
00:16:16,629 --> 00:16:17,933
Yeah, a few sips.

425
00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:20,945
Let's pretend we're French for the evening.

426
00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:42,053
Then the cop looked me dead in the eye,

427
00:16:42,087 --> 00:16:43,223
put down his flashlight,

428
00:16:43,258 --> 00:16:45,598
and said, "you sucked how many?"...

429
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,624
Honestly, that story gets funnier...

430
00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:54,564
every time I hear it.

431
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:55,937
Oh, God.

432
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,643
Oh.

433
00:17:16,982 --> 00:17:18,520
You don't know how I feel.

434
00:17:18,555 --> 00:17:22,569
I can't believe it!

435
00:17:22,604 --> 00:17:24,409
I'm...In...

436
00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:28,189
Oh, these are tears I don't mind crying.

437
00:17:28,224 --> 00:17:31,402
Tears of laughter.
Yeah, laughter and camaraderie.

438
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:35,584
- Awww.
- Yeah.

439
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,023
<i>Ah, cin-cin.</i>

440
00:17:45,957 --> 00:17:48,799
Yahhhhh!

441
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:56,929
We're sorry.

442
00:17:56,964 --> 00:17:58,300
Your cellular account has been suspended...

443
00:17:58,336 --> 00:17:59,472
due to nonpayment.

444
00:17:59,507 --> 00:18:01,546
To speak...

445
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:19,544
Hey, keep it down!

446
00:18:19,579 --> 00:18:21,585
Ow.

447
00:18:22,924 --> 00:18:24,495
I love that I just, like, caught RJ...

448
00:18:24,529 --> 00:18:26,569
eating his own poopy.

449
00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:28,877
- Mom, enough.
- You ate your own poop?

450
00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,483
- Oh, that ain't right.
- It was Thanksgiving.

451
00:18:30,517 --> 00:18:31,687
You know, I think my little gobbler...

452
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:33,627
just wanted a pre-Turkey snack.

453
00:18:33,661 --> 00:18:35,835
- Okay, mom.
- Goddamn, son.

454
00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:37,173
Well, remind me never to kiss you again.

455
00:18:37,207 --> 00:18:39,514
I honestly thought it was pumpkin pie.

456
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:40,685
But what are you gonna do?

457
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,859
11-year-olds, you know?

458
00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:44,866
- Uh, you were 11?
- It was a bad year.

459
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,572
It was. It was a bad year.

460
00:18:46,606 --> 00:18:48,010
Well, it's getting kinda late.

461
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,018
Um, we should be...

462
00:18:50,052 --> 00:18:51,557
Opening up another bottle.

463
00:18:51,592 --> 00:18:52,896
I completely agree.

464
00:18:58,718 --> 00:19:00,424
Pray tell,

465
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,632
what strange manner of dress is this?

466
00:19:04,105 --> 00:19:05,108
Oh, snap!

467
00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:07,550
I done ended up in olden times.

468
00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:11,732
Hey, quit it!

469
00:19:11,768 --> 00:19:13,406
No!

470
00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:21,536
I'll get it.

471
00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:23,042
If that's the neighbor
telling us to keep it down,

472
00:19:23,076 --> 00:19:26,020
I'll kick... I'll kick his damn ass!

473
00:19:26,054 --> 00:19:28,261
I bet you will.

474
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,137
Dad.

475
00:19:33,562 --> 00:19:36,053
- I counted on you, RJ.
- Son of a bitch.

476
00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:39,134
I counted on you,
and you weren't there for me.

477
00:19:39,169 --> 00:19:41,211
Good evening, Amy. Hi, Mr. Berger.

478
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,391
- Jeriba.
- Mm.

479
00:19:43,427 --> 00:19:46,021
Guess who's coming to dinner.

480
00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:47,233
You're drunk, Rick.

481
00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:48,617
- Ohhh.
- Now, honey.

482
00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:50,867
´You're pretty [bleep]ed up yourself.

483
00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,078
Jeriba, please.

484
00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,358
Dad, I understand that you're mad.

485
00:19:53,394 --> 00:19:54,397
I'm not mad.

486
00:19:54,432 --> 00:19:56,058
I'm just...

487
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:57,166
Broken-hearted.

488
00:19:57,201 --> 00:19:58,550
Dad, I'll go with you right now,

489
00:19:58,586 --> 00:19:59,934
and we'll watch the movie.

490
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,354
Don't bother. You have
a new brown knight now.

491
00:20:01,389 --> 00:20:02,599
Hey!

492
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,404
That's some racist bull[bleep]
right there, Berger.

493
00:20:05,439 --> 00:20:06,685
Dad, it's not like that.

494
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,416
Mm.

495
00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:11,116
Enjoy each other.

496
00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:16,551
Well, one thing worse than a run-in...

497
00:20:16,587 --> 00:20:17,590
with your drunk daddy.

498
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:19,114
That's a run-in...

499
00:20:19,149 --> 00:20:21,363
with your drunk daddy
and a cold skirt steak.

500
00:20:21,399 --> 00:20:22,670
My name is RJ Berger,

501
00:20:22,818 --> 00:20:26,680
and please let me wake
up from this nightmare.

502
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:40,077
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com

