1
00:00:00,828 --> 00:00:03,475
You know, these egg whites aren't bad.
I don't really miss the yolk at all.
2
00:00:03,476 --> 00:00:06,533
Agreed. They don't add anything
to the overall egg experience,
3
00:00:06,534 --> 00:00:09,719
except maybe texture,
color and flavor.
4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,871
Well, in my mind, this is
a way better breakfast
5
00:00:11,872 --> 00:00:14,340
than say, a caramel
frappuccino and a donut.
6
00:00:14,341 --> 00:00:16,392
Oh, absolutely.
7
00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:18,511
Are we talking about the
traditional glazed donut,
8
00:00:18,512 --> 00:00:20,180
or the more cakey kind?
9
00:00:20,181 --> 00:00:23,416
I'm talking about the little
mini chocolate ones.
10
00:00:23,417 --> 00:00:28,021
You can have one on each finger
and still hold a cup of coffee.
11
00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:29,989
You know, there's
a dunkin donuts
12
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:32,325
exactly one-point-two
miles from here.
13
00:00:32,326 --> 00:00:35,428
One-point-two?
14
00:00:35,429 --> 00:00:37,063
And you know that how?
15
00:00:37,064 --> 00:00:39,699
I was going for my power walk,
and I was wearing my pedometer.
16
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,869
By the way, you can start
smelling them at point eight.
17
00:00:44,939 --> 00:00:46,539
Okay. Okay!
18
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,374
We have really gotta stop this.
19
00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:50,176
What? As long as we're
sticking to our diets
20
00:00:50,177 --> 00:00:51,478
we can at least
fantasize, right?
21
00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:53,880
Hey, that snickers we shared
in bed last night
22
00:00:53,881 --> 00:00:54,914
was not a fantasy.
23
00:00:54,915 --> 00:00:56,099
It was to me.
24
00:00:57,718 --> 00:00:59,218
Besides, it was just a fun size,
25
00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:01,571
and we burned those
calories off right away,
26
00:01:01,572 --> 00:01:03,490
if you know what I mean.
27
00:01:03,491 --> 00:01:06,426
Technically, I burned
those calories off.
28
00:01:09,947 --> 00:01:12,232
Yeah, but I was rooting you on.
29
00:01:13,801 --> 00:01:15,268
And I appreciate that.
30
00:01:15,269 --> 00:01:17,904
But I'm gonna be good until
Victoria's birthday party,
31
00:01:17,905 --> 00:01:22,442
and then I'm gonna have a piece
of cake the size of my head.
32
00:01:22,443 --> 00:01:23,409
I thought your
sister didn't want
33
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:24,644
to make a big deal
about her birthday.
34
00:01:24,645 --> 00:01:25,979
It's her thirtieth.
35
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:27,680
It's a milestone
and we're all having cake!
36
00:01:27,681 --> 00:01:28,848
End of discussion!
37
00:01:28,849 --> 00:01:30,266
Boy, I remember
when I turned 30.
38
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:32,185
Me and a couple of
buddies went to Vegas,
39
00:01:32,186 --> 00:01:33,720
and we hooked up
with these two...
40
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:36,756
For one coupons to an
all-you-can-eat buffet,
41
00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:40,426
had a nice dinner, went home
early, didn't do anything.
42
00:01:40,427 --> 00:01:41,895
I'll never forget that night.
43
00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:46,866
Morning.
44
00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:48,451
You're just getting home?
45
00:01:48,452 --> 00:01:50,570
Yeah. After the club closed,
46
00:01:50,571 --> 00:01:52,438
there was an after party
in the parking lot,
47
00:01:52,439 --> 00:01:55,808
then an after-after party in
the bouncer's pop-up camper.
48
00:01:58,445 --> 00:02:00,780
Well, bong hit, bath and bed.
49
00:02:03,617 --> 00:02:05,752
Party for your sister.
50
00:02:05,753 --> 00:02:08,488
Good idea.
51
00:02:17,476 --> 00:02:20,976
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:27,078 --> 00:02:30,680
I can't believe you ladies
have never seen The Godfather.
53
00:02:30,681 --> 00:02:32,983
I've tried to get Joyce
to watch it a thousand times,
54
00:02:32,984 --> 00:02:35,202
but we always end up watching
some stupid chick flick.
55
00:02:35,203 --> 00:02:39,723
And I'm not talking the
good "girl on girl" kind.
56
00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:42,793
Well, why don't you
make her an offer that she can't refuse?
57
00:02:42,794 --> 00:02:44,094
I did.
58
00:02:44,095 --> 00:02:46,830
I said, "if I have to watch
pretty woman one more time,
59
00:02:46,831 --> 00:02:50,567
You're
gonna sleep with the fishes."
60
00:02:50,568 --> 00:02:51,835
I love Pretty Woman.
61
00:02:51,836 --> 00:02:54,004
It really makes being
a hooker look like fun.
62
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,174
Shh!
63
00:02:57,175 --> 00:02:59,376
I believe in America.
64
00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:01,378
America has made my fortune,
65
00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:03,747
and I raised my daughter
in the American fashion.
66
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:04,815
Who's this guy?
67
00:03:04,816 --> 00:03:07,350
Are you gonna talk
through the whole thing?
68
00:03:07,351 --> 00:03:10,504
Sorry. I just wanted
to know who that guy is.
69
00:03:10,505 --> 00:03:12,189
You're not supposed to
know who that guy is yet.
70
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:13,790
Fine. I'll wait.
71
00:03:13,791 --> 00:03:16,326
I gave her freedom, but...
72
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:19,029
I taught her never
to dishonor her family.
73
00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:22,466
Did you remember to order the
cake for Victoria's birthday?
74
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:24,501
No. You know,
I wanted to ask you,
75
00:03:24,502 --> 00:03:26,236
do you think we should do
cake or just cupcakes?
76
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:27,938
Ooh, cupcakes
77
00:03:27,939 --> 00:03:30,140
are a smart idea.
You don't waste as much,
78
00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:32,075
people can take them
home if they want.
79
00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:34,177
This is the greatest movie ever
80
00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:37,013
and all you're talking
about is cupcakes.
81
00:03:37,014 --> 00:03:40,050
You know, now that I hear it out
loud, I think I'm back to cake.
82
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:43,253
Are you done?
83
00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:44,654
Sorry.
84
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:45,989
With another boyfriend.
85
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,291
They made her drink whiskey...
86
00:03:48,292 --> 00:03:51,328
Hey, what are you guys doing?
87
00:03:51,329 --> 00:03:53,196
Oh, just hanging out.
You want to join us?
88
00:03:53,197 --> 00:03:54,464
No.
89
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:56,066
I don't want to intrude.
90
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:58,635
Don't be silly.
The more the merrier.
91
00:03:58,636 --> 00:04:00,754
Not so far.
92
00:04:01,939 --> 00:04:04,841
Thank you for asking.
93
00:04:04,842 --> 00:04:07,144
But you're doing
a couple's thing, and...
94
00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:11,481
I don't want to be
the sixth wheel.
95
00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:15,602
A lost and lonely
30-year-old sixth wheel.
96
00:04:17,488 --> 00:04:20,056
Oh, goodness, do you
want to go or should I?
97
00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:23,226
Maybe you should both go.
98
00:04:24,595 --> 00:04:26,796
I just figured
99
00:04:26,797 --> 00:04:29,900
by the time I turned 30,
I'd have a man in my life.
100
00:04:29,901 --> 00:04:33,403
Sweetie, you have nothing
but men in your life.
101
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:38,258
No, I mean the same man
a bunch of nights in a row.
102
00:04:38,259 --> 00:04:41,545
Some folks call that
a relationship.
103
00:04:41,546 --> 00:04:44,014
Yeah, one of those.
104
00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,633
So the bouncer in
the pop-up camper,
105
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,718
probably not a
long-term thing.
106
00:04:55,226 --> 00:04:59,095
Oh, no.
Guys like that never are.
107
00:04:59,096 --> 00:05:03,266
Neither are guys who live in
Winnebagos or hotdog trucks.
108
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:05,302
Good to know.
109
00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:07,120
You show up for a second date,
110
00:05:07,121 --> 00:05:10,123
and their whole house
has disappeared.
111
00:05:10,124 --> 00:05:11,625
No note or nothing.
112
00:05:11,626 --> 00:05:14,277
Just an orange extension cord
hanging from the outlet
113
00:05:14,278 --> 00:05:17,147
and a half-eaten bun
on the curb.
114
00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:20,016
Victoria, you shouldn't
pin your happiness
115
00:05:20,017 --> 00:05:22,352
on whether you have
a man in your life or not.
116
00:05:22,353 --> 00:05:24,554
Easy for you to say.
117
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:25,956
You've got a boyfriend.
118
00:05:25,957 --> 00:05:27,123
You want him? He's yours.
119
00:05:27,124 --> 00:05:30,894
I gotta warn you,
he's kind of a load.
120
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:34,297
Yeah, but at least you have
somebody to be disappointed in.
121
00:05:34,298 --> 00:05:36,433
Listen, you've gotta...
122
00:05:40,805 --> 00:05:42,872
You've gotta focus on
what makes you happy.
123
00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:45,008
You know? I mean,
your job brings you
124
00:05:45,009 --> 00:05:46,876
a lot of fulfillment, right?
125
00:05:46,877 --> 00:05:48,011
Well,
126
00:05:48,012 --> 00:05:52,249
putting makeup on
dead people is okay.
127
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:55,352
But as a rule, they don't give
you a lot of "pats on the back""
128
00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:59,589
hey, I don't get a lot of
"attaboys" as a teacher, either.
129
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:01,958
But I know if I'm
reaching just one kid,
130
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,427
then I'm truly
making a difference.
131
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:08,031
Just one kid.
132
00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:09,566
That's so great.
133
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,167
It is.
134
00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:14,204
It's just all in how you
choose to look at it.
135
00:06:14,205 --> 00:06:18,341
You're telling me
I should have a baby.
136
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:21,044
Uh...
137
00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:23,113
Mom!
138
00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:28,151
Coming! Anyway, Victoria's
always been my fragile one.
139
00:06:28,152 --> 00:06:30,120
It all started when
she was five years old
140
00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:31,621
and I lost her at the zoo.
141
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,624
Not entirely my fault.
142
00:06:34,625 --> 00:06:36,459
I mean, if they're gonna
sell beer there,
143
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:38,628
mistakes will be made.
144
00:06:40,298 --> 00:06:43,300
I think you should go talk to her.
What's going on?
145
00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:44,501
She wants to have a baby,
146
00:06:44,502 --> 00:06:46,836
and she sent me down here
to ask Mike for sperm.
147
00:06:48,005 --> 00:06:50,073
You lovingly declined.
148
00:06:50,074 --> 00:06:52,008
Oh, thank you.
149
00:06:52,009 --> 00:06:55,045
Because I never know what
to say in those situations.
150
00:06:56,397 --> 00:06:57,847
Let's go, Vince.
151
00:06:57,848 --> 00:07:00,066
If you're gonna be her step-
daddy, you're gonna have to
152
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:02,419
start chiming in with
some fatherly advice.
153
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,854
Ah, geez, I just wanted
a nice, quiet evening
154
00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,423
watching a bunch of goombahs
155
00:07:06,424 --> 00:07:08,992
blast the crap
out of each other.
156
00:07:11,245 --> 00:07:12,796
Why did you go to the police?
157
00:07:12,797 --> 00:07:14,364
Why didn't you come to me first?
158
00:07:14,365 --> 00:07:15,898
So, who's this guy?
159
00:07:18,135 --> 00:07:22,439
Sweetheart, raising a child
is a lot of responsibility.
160
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,642
There's dressing them
and feeding them...
161
00:07:25,643 --> 00:07:28,345
And not losing them
in Monkeyville.
162
00:07:28,346 --> 00:07:32,582
I was hammered;
Give me a break.
163
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:35,685
I just feel like I've
got so much to give
164
00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:37,554
and nobody to give it to.
165
00:07:37,555 --> 00:07:39,689
You ever think
about pole dancing?
166
00:07:41,659 --> 00:07:43,927
Vince, what is
the matter with you?
167
00:07:43,928 --> 00:07:45,762
Hey, it's good money,
great exercise,
168
00:07:45,763 --> 00:07:47,163
and she's bringing happiness to
169
00:07:47,164 --> 00:07:49,799
a room full of sad
and lonely degenerates.
170
00:07:51,502 --> 00:07:53,570
I think what Vince
is trying to say
171
00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:56,056
is that maybe this
is not a good time
172
00:07:56,057 --> 00:07:57,474
for you to have a baby.
173
00:07:57,475 --> 00:07:59,509
No. What Vince is trying to say
174
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:01,044
is that you've got
a rocking bod,
175
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,479
and you should take
advantage of it
176
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:06,783
before you hit 40, and
your jugs become wind chimes.
177
00:08:09,186 --> 00:08:12,288
Mom, make him stop talking.
178
00:08:12,289 --> 00:08:14,724
Vince, get out of here
and go watch your movie.
179
00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:16,393
Hey, she could push it to 45
180
00:08:16,394 --> 00:08:19,128
if she sleeps in a support bra
and stays off the trampoline.
181
00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:21,314
Out!
182
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,301
Here, take this up to my sister.
183
00:08:25,302 --> 00:08:26,636
It'll make her feel better.
184
00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:28,738
Oh, man, why you
doing this to me?
185
00:08:28,739 --> 00:08:30,073
You'll be fine.
186
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,357
You got enough for a backup
187
00:08:31,358 --> 00:08:33,143
if I accidentally
eat this on the stairs?
188
00:08:33,144 --> 00:08:34,527
Go.
189
00:08:34,528 --> 00:08:35,845
Just so you know,
190
00:08:35,846 --> 00:08:37,213
if she asks for my sperm,
191
00:08:37,214 --> 00:08:39,749
I'm trading her straight up
for this bad boy.
192
00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:54,514
Oh, hey. I was just bringing
a little treat for Victoria.
193
00:08:54,515 --> 00:08:56,866
Oh, good. I need a drink.
194
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,935
Funny, I was schnockered
when she was conceived,
195
00:08:58,936 --> 00:09:00,270
and now it's the only way
196
00:09:00,271 --> 00:09:02,372
I can carry on a conversation
with her.
197
00:09:04,508 --> 00:09:06,443
Hey, there.
198
00:09:06,444 --> 00:09:09,546
Molly made a little treat for
you and I didn't eat any of it.
199
00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:11,548
Aw, that's so sweet of her.
200
00:09:11,549 --> 00:09:13,783
Yep.
201
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:15,385
Can I have it?
202
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:18,455
Oh, right, right.
203
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:23,827
Ever since I was a little girl,
204
00:09:23,828 --> 00:09:26,029
if I was feeling sad,
205
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:27,430
she'd make me a hot fudge sundae
206
00:09:27,431 --> 00:09:28,932
with three Oreos
hidden on the bottom.
207
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,034
They're still there.
You can count them.
208
00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:35,605
Do you want me to
leave you alone with that?
209
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:38,725
Maybe turn off the light.
That's usually how I do it.
210
00:09:40,311 --> 00:09:42,579
Mike, what gives
your life meaning?
211
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:44,881
Oh, boy.
212
00:09:44,882 --> 00:09:47,417
Well, there was a time when
I would've had a glossy photo
213
00:09:47,418 --> 00:09:49,352
of that sundae
hanging in my locker.
214
00:09:49,353 --> 00:09:51,488
I'm serious.
215
00:09:51,489 --> 00:09:55,492
Well, I know for me, my job
gives me a lot of satisfaction.
216
00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:56,993
Everyday I look forward to
217
00:09:56,994 --> 00:09:59,596
putting on the uniform and
strapping on the side-arm
218
00:09:59,597 --> 00:10:02,832
and serving the people
that I'm sworn to protect.
219
00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:05,568
So, helping people
makes you happy?
220
00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:06,836
Yeah, that and
221
00:10:06,837 --> 00:10:09,205
feeling like I'm a part
of something important.
222
00:10:09,206 --> 00:10:11,207
You know, something
bigger than me.
223
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:14,577
Oh, my God.
224
00:10:14,578 --> 00:10:16,646
It's all so clear to me now.
225
00:10:16,647 --> 00:10:18,481
Really?
Yes.
226
00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:20,483
It's obvious what I have to do.
227
00:10:20,484 --> 00:10:21,584
What's that?
228
00:10:21,585 --> 00:10:24,020
I've gotta join the army.
229
00:10:26,891 --> 00:10:28,324
Molly!
230
00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,860
One hot beef and cheese
sandwich, with curly fries
231
00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:37,078
and strawberry shake.
232
00:10:37,828 --> 00:10:39,812
And one can of tuna.
233
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,855
Thank you.
234
00:10:42,856 --> 00:10:44,123
While you're enjoying that,
235
00:10:44,124 --> 00:10:46,391
I'll get your scratching post
and squeaky mouse.
236
00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:51,997
I hope he gets fat someday.
237
00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:54,133
You know, I'm proud of you.
238
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:55,784
You've been showing a lot
of self-control lately.
239
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:58,503
Yesterday, Molly had me take
her sister a hot fudge sundae,
240
00:10:58,504 --> 00:10:59,938
and I didn't eat one bite of it.
241
00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:01,940
And I had plenty of time alone
with it, too.
242
00:11:01,941 --> 00:11:02,941
She never would've known.
243
00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:04,143
They never do.
244
00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:06,011
To this day, nobody at
the station can figure out
245
00:11:06,012 --> 00:11:07,479
why the jelly-filled donuts
were sucked dry
246
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,647
before the box was even opened.
247
00:11:08,648 --> 00:11:10,065
That's just
pulling the fire alarm,
248
00:11:10,066 --> 00:11:11,316
and when no one's looking,
249
00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:14,253
jamming a straw
into the jelly reservoir.
250
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:15,788
Well, it's brilliant.
251
00:11:15,789 --> 00:11:17,222
You're like Foodini.
252
00:11:18,691 --> 00:11:20,058
Hey, guys.
253
00:11:20,059 --> 00:11:22,161
Hey, sweetie. What
are you doing here?
254
00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:24,163
Well, per your conversation
with Victoria,
255
00:11:24,164 --> 00:11:26,548
she decided to check out
the army recruiting office
256
00:11:26,549 --> 00:11:29,367
and see if she could
"be all she could be."
257
00:11:29,368 --> 00:11:31,470
Turns out, I can't.
258
00:11:32,755 --> 00:11:34,590
I had no idea
the army was so strict.
259
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,642
I mean, the whole thing
is just rules, rules, rules.
260
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:39,778
It's no wonder they're always
fighting with someone somewhere.
261
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:44,049
I will say, you do make
that uniform look very good.
262
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,018
Thank you.
263
00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:47,820
Seriously, I've been
standing at attention
264
00:11:47,821 --> 00:11:49,571
since you walked
through the door.
265
00:11:51,908 --> 00:11:53,959
At ease, Carl.
266
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,911
I just don't know if
267
00:11:55,912 --> 00:11:58,931
the United States army is ready
for private Victoria Flynn
268
00:11:58,932 --> 00:12:02,234
and her two-gun salute.
269
00:12:02,235 --> 00:12:05,204
You see, fellas,
I'm just not a morning person
270
00:12:05,205 --> 00:12:06,538
and they're all about that.
271
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:11,076
I don't even know if
my alarm clock has "0500" on it.
272
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:12,711
Yeah, and apparently,
they still have
273
00:12:12,712 --> 00:12:16,648
a "don't ask, don't show up
high" policy, so...
274
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:19,785
I'm disappointed
the army wouldn't take me.
275
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:21,954
I look really hot in camouflage.
276
00:12:21,955 --> 00:12:23,522
Yes, you do.
277
00:12:23,523 --> 00:12:25,357
But black's really my color.
278
00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:28,427
Me, too.
279
00:12:30,096 --> 00:12:33,699
You know, nuns wear black,
and they take anybody.
280
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,968
Come on, Victoria,
you're being silly.
281
00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:37,236
Hang on.
282
00:12:37,237 --> 00:12:39,972
May I point out that you
don't have to become a nun
283
00:12:39,973 --> 00:12:41,373
to have a relationship
with God.
284
00:12:41,374 --> 00:12:42,207
Carl.
285
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,475
What?
286
00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:45,911
Hey, I've found a lot
of comfort in my faith
287
00:12:45,912 --> 00:12:48,547
without the unrealistic
expectation of celibacy.
288
00:12:48,548 --> 00:12:49,681
Carl.
289
00:12:51,117 --> 00:12:54,086
I could not walk this
Rocky path of life without
290
00:12:54,087 --> 00:12:56,955
the tender guidance of my
sweet and powerful savior.
291
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:58,523
Carl.
292
00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:02,127
Can I walk on that path
with you?
293
00:13:02,128 --> 00:13:03,629
Carl!
294
00:13:05,398 --> 00:13:09,017
Take my hand and we
will walk it together.
295
00:13:09,869 --> 00:13:12,537
Oh, dear God.
296
00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:13,839
Amen.
297
00:13:22,332 --> 00:13:25,050
Do you know how many games
I'm missing right now?
298
00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:27,219
Suck it up;
We're being supportive.
299
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:29,488
Do they serve wine before
or just during?
300
00:13:29,489 --> 00:13:31,757
This is a baptist church;
They don't serve wine.
301
00:13:31,758 --> 00:13:32,824
So, BYOB?
302
00:13:32,825 --> 00:13:34,142
There's no wine.
303
00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:38,430
Well, then I have to ask myself
"what would Jesus do?"
304
00:13:38,431 --> 00:13:41,483
I think dude would go burn one
in the parking lot.
305
00:13:41,484 --> 00:13:43,802
No, no. You already
burned one in the car.
306
00:13:43,803 --> 00:13:45,938
So glad you could
make it, sister.
307
00:13:47,307 --> 00:13:48,840
Brother Michael, sister Molly.
308
00:13:48,841 --> 00:13:51,627
Dumb-ass Carl.
309
00:13:51,628 --> 00:13:53,962
I hope after the service,
you'll join us in the rectory
310
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,947
for cake and pie
and good Christian fellowship.
311
00:13:55,948 --> 00:13:57,316
But no wine, right?
312
00:13:57,317 --> 00:13:59,501
Not on the premises,
but we can hit a liquor store
313
00:13:59,502 --> 00:14:00,652
and drive to the beach.
314
00:14:00,653 --> 00:14:02,721
And if the spirit moves you,
I can baptize you
315
00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:04,222
in the healing waters
of Lake Michigan.
316
00:14:04,223 --> 00:14:05,991
Did you happen to bring
a white t-shirt?
317
00:14:05,992 --> 00:14:07,826
I'm afraid not.
318
00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:10,696
Oh, that's cool. I got a few
in the trunk of my car.
319
00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:13,799
Carlton, you need
to get your robe on
320
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,801
and take over the keyboard
for Sister Shirese.
321
00:14:15,802 --> 00:14:17,502
She's sweating
something fierce,
322
00:14:17,503 --> 00:14:21,073
and the whole sanctuary
smells like Remy Martin.
323
00:14:21,074 --> 00:14:22,474
All right, grandma.
324
00:14:22,475 --> 00:14:23,642
If you sit up close,
325
00:14:23,643 --> 00:14:25,644
you can watch me work
my magic on the organ.
326
00:14:25,645 --> 00:14:27,279
Get your perverted self
in that sanctuary.
327
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,514
What have I told you
about trying to use Jesus
328
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,183
as your wingman?
329
00:14:32,819 --> 00:14:35,921
And as we read in
First Corinthians, chapter 13,
330
00:14:35,922 --> 00:14:40,392
verse 11, "when I was a child,
I spoke like a child.
331
00:14:40,393 --> 00:14:41,660
Yes.
332
00:14:41,661 --> 00:14:44,046
"I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child."
333
00:14:44,047 --> 00:14:45,430
Yes.
334
00:14:45,431 --> 00:14:47,366
"But when I became an adult,
335
00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,568
I put an end
to my childish ways."
336
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:52,738
How much longer
is this thing gonna go on?
337
00:14:52,739 --> 00:14:53,739
Shh.
338
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:54,873
I'm hungry.
339
00:14:54,874 --> 00:14:56,708
You sure you don't have
a cough drop
340
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:58,210
or a piece of gum or something?
341
00:14:58,211 --> 00:14:59,811
We ate before we
left the house.
342
00:14:59,812 --> 00:15:01,713
Yeah, skim milk
and puffed rice.
343
00:15:01,714 --> 00:15:04,566
That's just food-shaped air.
344
00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:06,651
Could you guys be quiet?
345
00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:07,936
God's talking.
346
00:15:07,937 --> 00:15:12,290
Sweetie, you realize
that man's not actually God.
347
00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:13,425
I know.
348
00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:16,595
It's one of his helpers,
like Santa Claus.
349
00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:18,430
...Verse 35, it reads,
350
00:15:18,431 --> 00:15:20,549
"I was hungry
and you gave me food."
351
00:15:21,584 --> 00:15:23,135
"I was thirsty
and you gave me drink."
352
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:25,137
I'm in hell.
353
00:15:25,138 --> 00:15:28,707
You don't have anything to eat?
354
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,742
I have two butter
rum life savers.
355
00:15:30,743 --> 00:15:32,260
You can have one of them.
356
00:15:32,261 --> 00:15:34,046
I knew you were
holding out on me.
357
00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:37,933
Lying in the House of God;
Real nice.
358
00:15:37,934 --> 00:15:39,851
And when you rest
in the bosom of the Lord,
359
00:15:39,852 --> 00:15:42,421
brothers and sisters,
you shall be saved!
360
00:15:42,422 --> 00:15:44,022
Amen!
361
00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,274
When you walk with God...
362
00:15:46,275 --> 00:15:48,276
You will never walk alone,
363
00:15:48,277 --> 00:15:51,897
- Yes.
- for he's right there beside you,
364
00:15:51,898 --> 00:15:54,633
keeping you on the path
to righteousness!
365
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:55,600
Ah, testify!
366
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:56,985
You don't have to have
367
00:15:56,986 --> 00:15:58,770
all the answers in life.
368
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:01,273
You see, because only
the savior knows
369
00:16:01,274 --> 00:16:04,743
what this great journey
has in store for all of us.
370
00:16:04,744 --> 00:16:05,944
Trust in him,
371
00:16:05,945 --> 00:16:10,448
open up your heart
and you shall be empty no more.
372
00:16:11,751 --> 00:16:12,918
And now
373
00:16:12,919 --> 00:16:15,353
let us welcome back
Sister Rosetta
374
00:16:15,354 --> 00:16:18,723
to lead us in our closing hymn.
375
00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:23,595
Stop now.
Let's go.
376
00:16:58,431 --> 00:17:00,348
I don't need to give myself
to a man
377
00:17:00,349 --> 00:17:02,017
or have a baby or join the army.
378
00:17:02,018 --> 00:17:03,735
No, you don't.
379
00:17:03,736 --> 00:17:05,904
No, I need to give myself
to God!
380
00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:06,638
Well...
381
00:17:06,639 --> 00:17:08,807
Here I come, God!
382
00:17:25,324 --> 00:17:26,875
Good luck, Lord.
383
00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:29,661
This one's a handful.
384
00:17:44,112 --> 00:17:45,813
Do we really have to wait
for Victoria?
385
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,165
Mike, it's her birthday.
386
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:50,834
I'm just saying, I know
how we can suck the middle
387
00:17:50,835 --> 00:17:53,003
out of this whole thing,
and she'd never know.
388
00:17:53,988 --> 00:17:56,373
Eat your rice cake.
389
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,161
Bleh.
390
00:18:01,162 --> 00:18:02,763
So, how long you think
this whole
391
00:18:02,764 --> 00:18:04,231
religion thing's gonna stick?
392
00:18:04,232 --> 00:18:06,033
I don't know.
Over the years, she's been
393
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:10,354
a Buddhist, an orthodox Jew,
rastafarian.
394
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:14,141
During a two-hour layover at the
Denver airport, a hare krishna.
395
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,396
Well, you're a good sister
for being so supportive.
396
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:20,514
I have been.
397
00:18:20,515 --> 00:18:23,200
And it has been a long week.
398
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:26,820
So, seriously,
you can get the middle
399
00:18:26,821 --> 00:18:28,789
out of this thing
without her knowing?
400
00:18:31,659 --> 00:18:33,126
Thought you'd never ask.
401
00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:38,732
Here, breathe through your nose.
402
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:03,215
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com