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00:00:00,790 --> 00:00:04,191
NARRATOR: Kids, in the spring of 2011,
Zoey and I broke up.
2
00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:05,509
But the good news:
3
00:00:05,510 --> 00:00:06,810
Goliath National Bank
4
00:00:06,811 --> 00:00:09,212
was finally ready
to demolish The Arcadian
5
00:00:09,213 --> 00:00:11,248
and build the new headquarters
I'd designed for them.
6
00:00:11,249 --> 00:00:12,966
Ho!
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00:00:12,967 --> 00:00:15,385
The only problem was--
I kept butting heads
8
00:00:15,386 --> 00:00:18,455
with my project supervisor
on one very important issue.
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00:00:18,456 --> 00:00:20,524
I want to press the button
to blow up The Arcadian!
10
00:00:20,525 --> 00:00:22,326
I want to press it!
I want to press it!
11
00:00:22,327 --> 00:00:23,560
I want to press it!
12
00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:25,062
Guys, I dated
you both,
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00:00:25,063 --> 00:00:26,763
and neither of you
is good at pressing
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00:00:26,764 --> 00:00:28,732
or even finding
the button.
15
00:00:28,733 --> 00:00:29,933
After some awkward
pawing around,
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00:00:29,934 --> 00:00:31,785
that building's going
to fake an implosion,
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00:00:31,786 --> 00:00:35,005
say, "Baby, that was great""
and go to sleep.
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00:00:35,673 --> 00:00:37,541
She means you.
She means you.
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00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:39,293
I want to press it.
I want to press it!
20
00:00:39,294 --> 00:00:41,078
I'm gonna press it!
I'm gonna press it!
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00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:42,646
It's just a button, okay?
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00:00:42,647 --> 00:00:44,715
Can we just talk about
something else, please?
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00:00:44,716 --> 00:00:45,882
(sighs)
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00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:48,485
Well, I ran into Zoey yesterday.
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00:00:48,486 --> 00:00:49,720
Oh.
Oh.
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00:00:49,721 --> 00:00:51,622
That's the first time
since the breakup.
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00:00:51,623 --> 00:00:53,290
How's she doing?
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00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:54,725
I'm still unemployed,
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00:00:54,726 --> 00:00:56,727
so I had to get
a couple roommates.
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Saving money.
Making new friends.
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00:00:59,847 --> 00:01:01,498
No downside.
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00:01:01,499 --> 00:01:02,933
They're all 22 and sell drugs.
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00:01:02,934 --> 00:01:05,235
Which means they're
not taking them.
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00:01:05,236 --> 00:01:08,271
So, that's a win.
35
00:01:09,107 --> 00:01:10,640
Well, I can tell
you're really busy
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00:01:10,641 --> 00:01:12,826
so I should...
I'll let you go.
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00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,578
Hey.
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00:01:14,579 --> 00:01:16,530
You want to get coffee
sometime?
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00:01:16,531 --> 00:01:19,282
You know that "coffee" is code for
"I want to get back together" right?
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00:01:19,283 --> 00:01:20,584
Well, at first I wasn't sure,
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00:01:20,585 --> 00:01:23,253
but then she said something
that got me thinking.
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I want to get back together.
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Oh!
Oh!
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00:01:26,491 --> 00:01:27,791
Don't worry, we're not.
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00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:29,726
I just, I feel bad Zoey's
having such a hard time.
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00:01:29,727 --> 00:01:33,630
You know what might...
make you feel better, buddy?
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00:01:33,631 --> 00:01:34,865
I'm not letting you
press the button.
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00:01:34,866 --> 00:01:36,233
I want to press
the button!
49
00:01:36,234 --> 00:01:37,768
You're not pressing the
button! It's my button!
50
00:01:37,769 --> 00:01:39,469
Sadly, that's all you need
to know about my summer.
51
00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:41,471
Now, around this time,
Uncle Marshall
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00:01:41,472 --> 00:01:44,007
was still having a tough time
finding a job.
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00:01:44,008 --> 00:01:45,876
He's out printing out a
whole new batch of résumés
54
00:01:45,877 --> 00:01:48,645
because he misspelled the phrase
"detail-oriented."
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00:01:48,646 --> 00:01:50,564
And when he gets back home,
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00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:52,349
he is going to find
his favorite soup
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00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:53,383
there waiting for him.
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00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:55,485
Oh, that's sweet, Lil,
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00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:57,571
but didn't you guys get
food poisoning here one time?
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00:01:58,456 --> 00:01:59,823
Three times.
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00:01:59,824 --> 00:02:01,525
But they're really nice
about it.
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00:02:01,526 --> 00:02:05,095
Their policy is, "Get sick,
get a free gallon of soup""
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00:02:06,497 --> 00:02:07,497
(sneezing)
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00:02:08,966 --> 00:02:12,302
And so, Lily dropped off
Marshall's surprise soup
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00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:13,536
and headed back to work
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00:02:13,537 --> 00:02:16,173
to introduce the new class pet.
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00:02:16,174 --> 00:02:18,108
This is Mr. Buttons 2.
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00:02:18,109 --> 00:02:19,443
Now, after
what happened
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00:02:19,444 --> 00:02:23,013
to Mr. Buttons 1,
we have to be very gentle
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00:02:23,014 --> 00:02:25,182
with... (retching)
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00:02:30,688 --> 00:02:31,905
Marshall!
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00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,043
(brakes screeching)
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00:02:57,515 --> 00:03:00,450
(retching)
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00:03:07,992 --> 00:03:10,527
Don't eat the soup!
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00:03:11,779 --> 00:03:14,498
Oh, thank God. (panting)
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00:03:14,499 --> 00:03:17,667
This was about to be
my third bowl.
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00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:20,971
Why shouldn't I eat the soup?
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00:03:22,606 --> 00:03:24,441
(retching)
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00:03:26,144 --> 00:03:29,646
Why shouldn't I eat the soup?
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x24 ♪
Challenge Accepted
Original Air Date on May 16, 2011
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00:03:33,806 --> 00:03:37,806
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
82
00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:43,927
Hey, Mr. Architect,
83
00:03:43,928 --> 00:03:45,896
big day for you
tomorrow, huh?
84
00:03:45,897 --> 00:03:49,399
Yeah. Getting to stand next
to me while I press the button.
85
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,853
That is going to be legend...--
wait for it-- ...dary adjacent.
86
00:03:52,854 --> 00:03:56,373
Legendary adjacent!
87
00:03:56,374 --> 00:03:58,074
You okay?
88
00:03:58,075 --> 00:04:00,243
Yeah... no.
89
00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:03,180
This morning I was
talking to the foreman.
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00:04:03,181 --> 00:04:05,198
Hey, hotshot.
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00:04:05,199 --> 00:04:07,918
You know, Rod, um, I'm
loving that nickname,
92
00:04:07,919 --> 00:04:08,818
and I can tell
93
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:10,653
it's totally affectionate,
94
00:04:10,654 --> 00:04:13,123
but, uh, I'd prefer Ted.
95
00:04:13,124 --> 00:04:16,159
Yeah, but you're
such a hotshot,
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00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,495
I figured I'd just
call you hotshot.
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00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:20,514
Pick one.
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00:04:20,515 --> 00:04:22,199
And make sure you like it.
99
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,184
There's going to be
50,000 of these
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00:04:24,185 --> 00:04:26,870
in your big, hotshot
building, hotshot.
101
00:04:26,871 --> 00:04:30,307
50,000 lightbulbs!
102
00:04:30,308 --> 00:04:31,875
What if this one's too bright?
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00:04:31,876 --> 00:04:33,443
What if this one flickers
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00:04:33,444 --> 00:04:35,145
and gives everyone
a weird headache?
105
00:04:35,146 --> 00:04:36,947
Do you know
how many people
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00:04:36,948 --> 00:04:38,982
it takes to change
50,000 lightbulbs?
107
00:04:38,983 --> 00:04:40,684
Are these people Irish,
Polish, blondes--
108
00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:42,152
what are we dealing with here?
109
00:04:42,153 --> 00:04:44,554
There's just-- there's so
many decisions to be made.
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00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:45,755
What if I make all
the wrong ones
111
00:04:45,756 --> 00:04:47,357
and my building
just sucks?
112
00:04:47,358 --> 00:04:48,325
Not possible.
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00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:49,743
Your building is new.
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00:04:49,744 --> 00:04:53,697
And I have one rule:
New is always better.
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00:04:53,698 --> 00:04:55,098
You can't keep saying
you have one rule
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00:04:55,099 --> 00:04:56,433
if they're always
different rules.
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00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:59,536
Ah, but "new is always better"
is my oldest rule,
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00:04:59,537 --> 00:05:01,438
which makes it the best.
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00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,007
Hi, Marsh.
Oh, hey, buddy.
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00:05:04,008 --> 00:05:05,408
TED:
Hey.
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00:05:05,409 --> 00:05:06,676
Everything okay?
122
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:09,412
Lily got food poisoning
from some soup.
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00:05:09,413 --> 00:05:10,447
(Barney sighs)
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00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:11,781
And then I ate the soup
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00:05:11,782 --> 00:05:13,250
exactly three hours later.
126
00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:18,555
Which means I can see exactly
three hours into my future, and
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00:05:18,556 --> 00:05:23,693
it... doesn't... look... good.
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00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:25,862
I tried to be supportive.
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00:05:25,863 --> 00:05:28,498
Oh, baby, can you
just hold me, please?
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00:05:28,499 --> 00:05:30,500
Of course, baby.
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00:05:34,438 --> 00:05:36,139
But it doesn't help it
that when Lily gets going;
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00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:38,908
she sounds like a velociraptor
from Jurassic Park.
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00:05:38,909 --> 00:05:42,812
(roaring)
134
00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:45,548
But then I realized
135
00:05:45,549 --> 00:05:48,418
a man can do a lot of living
in three hours.
136
00:05:48,419 --> 00:05:53,923
So, I'm out experiencing this
beautiful, crazy dance called life.
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00:05:53,924 --> 00:05:55,058
Ah, my last meal.
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00:05:55,059 --> 00:05:58,395
MacClaren's famous
jalapeño poppers.
139
00:05:58,396 --> 00:05:59,562
My doctor says
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00:05:59,563 --> 00:06:01,398
I need to eat healthier,
so I figured
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00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:03,483
the round-trip flight
these babies are about to take
142
00:06:03,484 --> 00:06:06,169
will land them permanently
on the no-fry list.
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00:06:07,104 --> 00:06:08,872
Good-bye, my friend.
144
00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:12,609
It's been a hell of a ride.
145
00:06:14,328 --> 00:06:15,829
I have to...
146
00:06:19,016 --> 00:06:20,383
Hey, babe.
147
00:06:20,384 --> 00:06:23,286
The gang says
feel better.
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00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:25,588
Mm. Thanks. Wait,
149
00:06:25,589 --> 00:06:28,692
you didn't tell them
I had food poisoning, did you?
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00:06:28,693 --> 00:06:30,260
Um, I...
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00:06:30,261 --> 00:06:32,562
Marshall,
when it's stomach stuff,
152
00:06:32,563 --> 00:06:34,130
you just say
"under the weather,"
153
00:06:34,131 --> 00:06:37,067
or people start picturing you
doing unspeakable things.
154
00:06:37,068 --> 00:06:38,268
I know.
155
00:06:38,269 --> 00:06:40,804
I just said that
you had the sniffles.
156
00:06:40,805 --> 00:06:43,823
No one is picturing
anything but little
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00:06:43,824 --> 00:06:45,241
red-nosed you
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00:06:45,242 --> 00:06:47,544
under a blankie
with some hot tea.
159
00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:50,480
I wonder what end it's coming
out of Lily right now.
160
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:52,382
I bet it's her tushie.
161
00:06:52,383 --> 00:06:54,117
I bet it's both.
162
00:06:54,118 --> 00:06:58,154
(imitating explosions)
163
00:06:58,155 --> 00:07:00,924
Hey, speaking of explosions--
164
00:07:00,925 --> 00:07:01,992
enough already, Ted!
165
00:07:01,993 --> 00:07:03,293
That button's mine!
166
00:07:03,294 --> 00:07:04,894
Yeah, fine, okay.
167
00:07:04,895 --> 00:07:06,529
I got you this job, so I...
168
00:07:06,530 --> 00:07:07,530
Say what?
169
00:07:07,531 --> 00:07:08,848
Whatever.
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00:07:08,849 --> 00:07:10,300
It's yours.
171
00:07:10,301 --> 00:07:11,634
I gotta run.
172
00:07:11,635 --> 00:07:13,169
You...
173
00:07:14,538 --> 00:07:16,506
(phone ringing)
174
00:07:16,507 --> 00:07:17,841
Hello?
175
00:07:17,842 --> 00:07:19,743
Yes, it is.
176
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,846
It's Bloom, Greenberg
and Associates.
177
00:07:22,847 --> 00:07:23,713
They want me to come interview.
178
00:07:23,714 --> 00:07:25,448
(roaring like velociraptor)
179
00:07:25,449 --> 00:07:28,385
Yes, I know it's risky to go,
but this is the best
180
00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:29,886
environmental law firm
in New York.
181
00:07:29,887 --> 00:07:30,887
It's my dream job.
182
00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:32,688
(roaring like velociraptor)
183
00:07:32,689 --> 00:07:34,690
That's a great idea, babe.
184
00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:36,209
I'll ask them.
185
00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:39,896
Hey, is it at all possible,
could I come in on Monday?
186
00:07:40,898 --> 00:07:43,299
Okay, I'll, I'll see you
at 5:00.
187
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,501
Thank you.
188
00:07:44,502 --> 00:07:47,003
(roaring like velociraptor)
189
00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:52,359
I love and believe in you, too,
baby.
190
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,010
Why would Ted
191
00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:55,845
just give up the button
like that?
192
00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:57,213
(text alert chimes)
193
00:07:57,214 --> 00:07:59,616
And he forgot his phone.
194
00:07:59,617 --> 00:08:01,985
"See you in an hour."
195
00:08:01,986 --> 00:08:02,685
Who's that from?
196
00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:03,686
Zoey.
197
00:08:03,687 --> 00:08:05,622
They're meeting for coffee.
198
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:08,892
Ted's getting back together
with her!
199
00:08:12,982 --> 00:08:15,683
Why would Ted get back together
with Zoey? He's doing great.
200
00:08:15,858 --> 00:08:17,992
After a breakup,
we all think we're doing great.
201
00:08:17,993 --> 00:08:21,173
Sometimes the tiniest trigger
can unravel you and send
202
00:08:21,182 --> 00:08:23,217
you crawling right back.
No,
203
00:08:23,232 --> 00:08:25,533
I refuse to believe that Ted
is getting back with Zoey
204
00:08:25,534 --> 00:08:26,568
because of lightbulbs.
205
00:08:26,569 --> 00:08:28,553
Uh, Ted's gone back for less.
206
00:08:28,554 --> 00:08:31,139
(fizzling out)
207
00:08:32,508 --> 00:08:34,025
Hi, Natalie.
208
00:08:34,026 --> 00:08:36,211
You want to get coffee sometime?
209
00:08:40,232 --> 00:08:41,249
Bro.
210
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:43,885
Ted, I only have one rule.
211
00:08:43,886 --> 00:08:46,921
(voice cracking):
But I can't reach
the worst part.
212
00:08:47,823 --> 00:08:49,190
Hi, Karen.
213
00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:51,359
Want to get coffee sometime?
214
00:08:52,628 --> 00:08:55,196
TV ANNOUNCER:
Coming up next,
our two local pandas,
215
00:08:55,197 --> 00:08:57,766
Ming Ming and Bao Bao,
are expecting a baby.
216
00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,200
Robin, you want to get coffee
217
00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,219
sometime...?
(blowing raspberry)
218
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,505
Get it together, bro.
219
00:09:03,506 --> 00:09:05,273
According
to my calculations,
220
00:09:05,274 --> 00:09:06,641
at 6:00 p.m.,
221
00:09:06,642 --> 00:09:08,576
my body is gonna pay out
222
00:09:08,577 --> 00:09:11,179
like the most disgusting
slot machine in the world.
223
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,815
That gives me two hours
to go do the interview
224
00:09:13,816 --> 00:09:15,350
and still get back in time.
225
00:09:15,351 --> 00:09:17,852
Oh, but, baby, what if
you hit the jackpot early?
226
00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:19,721
Don't worry.
227
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:22,624
I'll be prepared.
228
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:25,360
(military battle preparation
score playing)
229
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:34,035
(exhales sharply)
230
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,074
(laughing)
231
00:09:39,075 --> 00:09:41,476
I'm talking your ear off, sorry.
232
00:09:41,477 --> 00:09:43,812
Is there anything
I can do for you, sweetie?
233
00:09:45,297 --> 00:09:49,100
Can... I... borrow...
234
00:09:49,101 --> 00:09:51,586
an adult diaper?
235
00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:55,473
We've got to stop Ted.
Where are they meeting?
236
00:09:55,474 --> 00:09:58,660
Okay, Zoey wrote, "Meet me
at 6:00, where it all began,
237
00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:01,096
where you gave me the orchid
at the intersection."
238
00:10:01,097 --> 00:10:03,314
Well, that's good.
All we have to do is think back
239
00:10:03,315 --> 00:10:05,667
to the time Ted told us
about his first date with Zoey.
240
00:10:05,668 --> 00:10:07,669
Amazing first
date with Zoey!
241
00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:09,270
We met at the
intersection.
242
00:10:09,271 --> 00:10:12,440
(voice turns into "wah wah"
Charlie Brown's teacher's voice)
243
00:10:12,441 --> 00:10:14,843
Aw, that's sweet.
244
00:10:14,844 --> 00:10:16,544
You weren't listening either?
245
00:10:16,545 --> 00:10:17,812
I was in a coma.
246
00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:20,482
I mean, who pays attention
to that sappy romantic crap?
247
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:22,417
(scoffs)
BOTH: Lily!
248
00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:24,919
Yeah, I wasn't
listening, either.
249
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,622
Ted really can go on
about a bitch.
250
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:29,891
Great. He could be anywhere.
251
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:31,459
We're flat out of clues.
252
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,178
Hey, wait. Ted left a message.
253
00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:35,530
I could hear it 'cause
I was in the bathroom...
254
00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:37,632
blowing my nose--
I have the sniffles.
255
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,434
(answering machine beeps)
256
00:10:39,435 --> 00:10:41,236
TED: Hey, Lily,
hope you're feeling better.
257
00:10:41,237 --> 00:10:43,471
Marshall told us you're
exploding from both ends
258
00:10:43,472 --> 00:10:45,507
like a busted fire hydrant.
259
00:10:45,508 --> 00:10:46,508
Damn it, Marshall.
260
00:10:46,509 --> 00:10:48,042
Anyway, listen, I was going to
261
00:10:48,043 --> 00:10:50,078
get back together with Zoey
today,
262
00:10:50,079 --> 00:10:52,714
but I came to my senses
on the way out here, so...
263
00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:54,115
False alarm.
264
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:55,083
(Robin and Barney laugh)
265
00:10:55,084 --> 00:10:56,417
Oh, crap.
266
00:10:56,418 --> 00:10:58,253
Just stepped in some gum.
267
00:10:58,254 --> 00:11:00,054
I'm getting back together
with Zoey!
268
00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:01,189
(both sigh)
269
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:02,724
Okay, we're never
gonna find him.
270
00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:04,008
Wait, wait, wait.
271
00:11:04,009 --> 00:11:06,661
That's was a subway announcement
in the background.
272
00:11:06,662 --> 00:11:07,862
I speak conductor.
273
00:11:07,863 --> 00:11:09,330
Hey, Lily, hope
you're feeling better.
274
00:11:09,331 --> 00:11:11,332
Marshall told us...
Got it.
275
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,568
Ted's at...
276
00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:18,389
(roaring like
velociraptor)
277
00:11:18,390 --> 00:11:20,608
Oh...
278
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:21,976
(Lily sneezes)
279
00:11:21,977 --> 00:11:23,912
Ted's at Smith
and Ninth Street.
280
00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:25,063
That's the intersection.
281
00:11:25,064 --> 00:11:26,481
That's in Brooklyn. How are we
282
00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:27,682
ever gonna get there in time?
283
00:11:27,683 --> 00:11:29,183
Way ahead of ya.
284
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,821
Hello!
285
00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:38,042
Marshall. Jake Bloom.
Great to meet you.
286
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,160
Hello, hi.
287
00:11:39,161 --> 00:11:41,262
Hey. Oh, I'm sorry
about the stench.
288
00:11:41,263 --> 00:11:43,531
We're suing a factory
that's been dumping raw sewage
289
00:11:43,532 --> 00:11:44,632
into a local marshland.
290
00:11:44,633 --> 00:11:47,368
Yeah, ten minutes ago,
I was knee-deep
291
00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:49,571
in liquefied human feces.
292
00:11:49,572 --> 00:11:52,574
And that was just
on the F train.
293
00:11:52,575 --> 00:11:54,475
(laughs)
(laughs weakly)
294
00:11:54,476 --> 00:11:56,911
I can't believe Ted's getting
back together with Zoey.
295
00:11:56,912 --> 00:11:58,880
I know. They're
a total train wreck.
296
00:11:58,881 --> 00:12:00,181
Unmitigated disaster.
297
00:12:00,182 --> 00:12:01,249
Worst couple ever.
298
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:03,451
Yeah, almost as bad as us.
299
00:12:03,452 --> 00:12:06,354
(chuckles)
We were a mess.
300
00:12:06,355 --> 00:12:07,522
(chuckles)
301
00:12:07,523 --> 00:12:10,725
Do you remember how awful
I looked by the end?
302
00:12:10,726 --> 00:12:12,026
My hair was falling out,
303
00:12:12,027 --> 00:12:15,229
my skin was gray,
my back was hunched.
304
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,115
What about me? I got so fat,
305
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:20,201
at the end of a date,
you'd unhook my bra.
306
00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:23,538
You were the only boyfriend
I ever motorboated.
307
00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:24,973
(both chuckle)
308
00:12:24,974 --> 00:12:27,008
Thank God we're not
sentimental saps
309
00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:29,244
who panic
and get back together.
310
00:12:29,245 --> 00:12:30,211
Seriously,
311
00:12:30,212 --> 00:12:32,213
why would people do that?
312
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,467
I guess I get it.
313
00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:37,719
What do you mean?
314
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:42,824
Well, no matter how bad
things got...
315
00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:45,693
Ted really did love Zoey
for a minute there.
316
00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:47,662
Didn't he?
317
00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:54,636
Yeah... he did.
318
00:12:55,604 --> 00:13:00,742
And... she loved him, too.
319
00:13:00,743 --> 00:13:02,744
Didn't she?
320
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:06,814
Yeah, she did.
321
00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:11,986
(car stops)
(clears throat)
322
00:13:11,987 --> 00:13:14,522
Smith and Ninth Street.
323
00:13:14,523 --> 00:13:16,674
So, let me show you some
324
00:13:16,675 --> 00:13:19,093
of the gut-wrenching
environmental atrocities
325
00:13:19,094 --> 00:13:22,597
that we were working
to stop, okay?
326
00:13:22,598 --> 00:13:25,433
Here, pop quiz.
327
00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,435
What is that?
328
00:13:27,436 --> 00:13:29,237
That's a seal.
329
00:13:29,238 --> 00:13:32,307
Bingo! Yes, a bloated
seal corpse
330
00:13:32,308 --> 00:13:34,208
rotting in industrial waste.
331
00:13:34,209 --> 00:13:35,410
Mm-hmm.
332
00:13:35,411 --> 00:13:37,378
Now, wait till you see
what we found
333
00:13:37,379 --> 00:13:39,664
when we cut him open.
334
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,917
Okay, where the hell
are they?
335
00:13:42,918 --> 00:13:44,002
Maybe this isn't
the intersection.
336
00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:45,670
Well, maybe it is
and we're too late.
337
00:13:45,671 --> 00:13:47,672
Man, I wish we'd gone
to Brooklyn sooner.
338
00:13:47,673 --> 00:13:49,490
I know, right?
339
00:13:49,491 --> 00:13:51,459
Ever since the Trader Joe's
opened up,
340
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,962
Brooklyn is so... whatever.
341
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,464
Wait. Where'd
you get that?
342
00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:57,765
Across the street
343
00:13:57,766 --> 00:13:59,767
at the Intersection.
344
00:14:00,769 --> 00:14:07,208
So, uh, you guys... want
to buy some weed or...?
345
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,324
She's alone!
There's still time!
346
00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:17,774
But where the
hell is Ted?
347
00:14:17,775 --> 00:14:18,826
Wait a minute.
348
00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:20,944
On their first date,
he brought her an orchid.
349
00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:24,481
How much do you want to bet
he's gonna do it again?
350
00:14:24,482 --> 00:14:25,449
Brilliant. But wait,
351
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,451
he had a huge
head start on us.
352
00:14:27,452 --> 00:14:29,019
There's no way
he's still in there
353
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:31,121
unless he spent a half an hour
picking out the perfect orchid.
354
00:14:31,122 --> 00:14:32,356
Thanks, Julia!
355
00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:39,463
You know what? Let me see
the pink lady slipper again.
356
00:14:40,865 --> 00:14:43,267
Now, do you know
what that is?
357
00:14:43,268 --> 00:14:46,870
A pile of rotting seagull
carcasses
358
00:14:46,871 --> 00:14:49,706
covered in toxic sludge.
359
00:14:49,707 --> 00:14:52,643
Being eaten by rats. Exactly.
360
00:14:52,644 --> 00:14:54,077
Now this next slide...
361
00:14:54,078 --> 00:14:57,581
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's my wife's water birth.
362
00:14:57,582 --> 00:14:59,950
I don't know how that got
in there.
363
00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:02,452
(sighs)
364
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:05,656
Anyway, that's all my questions.
365
00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:08,425
Oh, my God, I made it!
366
00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:11,028
Now just shake his hand,
clench your very soul
367
00:15:11,029 --> 00:15:12,362
and run like hell!
368
00:15:14,165 --> 00:15:16,700
Now, I like to set aside
20 minutes at the end
369
00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:18,268
of every interview
for your questions.
370
00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:19,570
So don't hold back.
371
00:15:19,571 --> 00:15:22,339
Whatever you got inside there,
you just let 'er rip.
372
00:15:24,041 --> 00:15:25,175
I can't do this anymore.
373
00:15:25,176 --> 00:15:27,678
I'm just gonna tell him
the truth.
374
00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:30,214
When it's stomach stuff,
375
00:15:30,215 --> 00:15:31,848
you just say
"under the weather"
376
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:35,385
or people start picturing you
doing unspeakable things.
377
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:38,855
I have food poisoning and I'm
about to start volcanoing
378
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:41,225
toxic sludge out of both ends!
379
00:15:41,226 --> 00:15:42,526
Nailed it.
380
00:15:45,263 --> 00:15:47,531
Thanks, Julia!
381
00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:50,033
(sighs)
382
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,101
No, on second thought.
383
00:15:51,102 --> 00:15:52,970
(yelling)
384
00:15:52,971 --> 00:15:55,622
Ooh! Come on.
What the hell?!
385
00:15:55,623 --> 00:15:57,174
You can't get back together
with Zoey just because
386
00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:58,342
you're freaking out
over a lightbulb.
387
00:15:58,343 --> 00:16:00,510
I'm not freaking out
over a lightbulb!
388
00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:03,096
I'm freaking out over
50,000 lightbulbs!
389
00:16:03,097 --> 00:16:05,082
I can't do this!
390
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:07,718
I only got this job because
you gave it to me, Barney.
391
00:16:07,719 --> 00:16:10,587
I didn't earn it!
392
00:16:10,588 --> 00:16:13,357
Look, Ted, the future is scary.
393
00:16:13,358 --> 00:16:15,726
But you can't just run back
to the past
394
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,661
because it's familiar.
395
00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:20,797
Yes, it's tempting.
396
00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:25,435
But... it's a mistake.
397
00:16:28,573 --> 00:16:29,773
You're right.
398
00:16:29,774 --> 00:16:33,310
Um, excuse me.
399
00:16:33,311 --> 00:16:36,280
Can you give this to the blonde
sitting alone in there
400
00:16:36,281 --> 00:16:39,349
and tell her Ted's really sorry?
401
00:16:40,468 --> 00:16:42,853
Also... indirect sunlight.
402
00:16:42,854 --> 00:16:46,156
Don't overwater. Half a cup
a week is more than enough.
403
00:16:58,636 --> 00:16:59,870
No.
404
00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:02,906
Hi.
405
00:17:02,907 --> 00:17:06,493
And kids...
406
00:17:06,494 --> 00:17:08,645
that's how I met your mother.
407
00:17:08,646 --> 00:17:12,182
Psych. It was just some chick.
408
00:17:15,336 --> 00:17:17,320
Hey, baby, how'd it go?
409
00:17:17,321 --> 00:17:22,025
Lily, this year, this nasty
schoolyard bully of a year
410
00:17:22,026 --> 00:17:24,194
will not stop punching me
in the face.
411
00:17:24,195 --> 00:17:26,797
How did we kick off 2011?
412
00:17:26,798 --> 00:17:28,265
My dad died.
413
00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:30,634
And now after five months
of unemployment,
414
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:32,202
I just blew my dream job.
415
00:17:32,203 --> 00:17:33,970
The good news is,
in a few seconds,
416
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:35,739
I'm gonna start heaving
my guts out
417
00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,607
because that's what life is
for me now;
418
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:41,011
just losing what's inside
until I'm just empty.
419
00:17:41,012 --> 00:17:42,479
Baby, come here.
420
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,282
I just want to shut my eyes
421
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:46,983
for a few seconds
before it starts.
422
00:17:57,128 --> 00:18:00,864
And Marshall slept...
423
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:04,434
...all night.
424
00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:16,880
Okay, hotshot.
425
00:18:16,881 --> 00:18:18,849
Mr. Stinson.
426
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,518
Who's gonna do the honors?
427
00:18:21,519 --> 00:18:23,754
He is.
428
00:18:23,755 --> 00:18:25,072
You sure?
429
00:18:25,073 --> 00:18:27,758
Yeah. You earned it.
430
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:31,728
All clear!
431
00:18:33,531 --> 00:18:37,567
Hey, new is
always better, right?
432
00:18:37,568 --> 00:18:39,936
Always.
433
00:18:41,506 --> 00:18:43,573
Ten, nine,
434
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:44,708
eight...
435
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:47,611
Lily, it's a miracle.
436
00:18:47,612 --> 00:18:50,580
I didn't get sick.
I didn't get sick.
437
00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:53,967
I know, baby.
438
00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:56,386
I'm pregnant.
439
00:19:03,161 --> 00:19:04,394
ROD:
...one!
440
00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:22,145
♪ Let it roll across the floor ♪
441
00:19:22,146 --> 00:19:27,918
♪ Through the hall
and out the door ♪
442
00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:30,589
♪ To the fountain of
perpetual birth ♪
443
00:19:30,618 --> 00:19:32,902
I'm proud of you
for giving Ted the button.
444
00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:34,654
It meant a lot.
445
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,389
It's just a button.
446
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:38,925
(voice breaking):
Can we talk about
something else, please?
447
00:19:38,926 --> 00:19:40,126
(chuckles)
448
00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:45,731
(muttering)
449
00:19:45,732 --> 00:19:47,168
Nora.
Hi.
450
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:48,455
How you been?
451
00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:50,252
Fine.
452
00:19:51,818 --> 00:19:53,319
Look, I don't
know why
453
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,162
you would possibly say yes
to this, but would you want
454
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,931
to grab a cup of coffee with me
sometime?
455
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,001
20 minutes.
I was such a jerk to you.
456
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,836
You can spend the entire time
calling me
457
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,271
every dirty name in the book.
458
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,839
I speak four languages.
459
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,074
I'm gonna need more
than 20 minutes.
460
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,711
I'll call you.
461
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,680
You look beautiful,
by the way.
462
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,683
And here I thought
it was too late for sundresses.
463
00:20:17,742 --> 00:20:19,910
It's never too late, Barney.
464
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,416
Challenge accepted.
465
00:20:38,132 --> 00:20:39,298
LILY:
Best man?
466
00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:41,318
You're being summoned.
467
00:20:41,319 --> 00:20:43,169
Geez, what now?
468
00:20:46,107 --> 00:20:48,808
I heard the groom needed me.
469
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,452
What do you think of this tie?
470
00:20:54,477 --> 00:20:58,477
== sync, corrected by elderman ==