1
00:00:00,762 --> 00:00:01,929
Here's some hors d'oeuvres.
2
00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:04,231
The crackers are low-cal
and taste like tree bark,
3
00:00:04,232 --> 00:00:06,132
so I doubled up
on the spray cheese.
4
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:08,507
Thanks, mom.
5
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,241
What time's your boyfriend
getting here?
6
00:00:10,242 --> 00:00:11,476
Quit calling him my boyfriend.
7
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,011
I told you, he's just
a fellow from my church
8
00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:15,213
that I'm seeing socially.
9
00:00:15,214 --> 00:00:16,849
Socially?
Is that what you kids
10
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,718
are calling it
these days?
11
00:00:19,988 --> 00:00:22,990
I'm not amused
by the tramp talk.
12
00:00:24,426 --> 00:00:26,560
Regardless, I think
it's a good idea for me
13
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:28,395
to get a look at this guy
and size him up.
14
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,497
Got to warn you,
he's a smoottalker.
15
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,067
Man could sell sand to an a-rab.
16
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:37,139
Hey, I'm a police officer, and I
can spot a con man a mile away.
17
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:39,976
And they love to prey on frail,
vulnerable women like yourself.
18
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,847
That's true.
19
00:00:46,516 --> 00:00:47,682
That'll be him.
20
00:00:47,683 --> 00:00:49,683
Take a seat, mom.
I got this.
21
00:00:49,684 --> 00:00:53,253
Promise me you two stags won't
lock horns in the living room.
22
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,450
Don't worry, I'm just gonna
lay out a few ground rules,
23
00:00:56,451 --> 00:00:59,810
let him know
I'm keeping an eye on him.
24
00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:04,646
You must be little Mikey.
25
00:01:06,682 --> 00:01:08,982
Yeah. Hi. Come on in.
26
00:01:08,983 --> 00:01:09,983
Thank you.
27
00:01:09,984 --> 00:01:11,618
Dennis Richardson is my name.
28
00:01:11,619 --> 00:01:13,353
I'm your mom's...
29
00:01:13,354 --> 00:01:14,454
Friend from church.
30
00:01:14,455 --> 00:01:16,322
Friend from church.
31
00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:18,089
Forgive my tardiness.
32
00:01:18,090 --> 00:01:20,458
I didn't allow for enough
time to cook dinner
33
00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:22,693
as well as
give myself a haircut.
34
00:01:22,694 --> 00:01:25,329
I can vouch for
the tastiness of the food,
35
00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:29,432
but I wouldn't take a
tape measure to these sideburns.
36
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:31,700
You cooked dinner
at your house?
37
00:01:31,701 --> 00:01:34,102
Cooking here implies
a level of domesticity
38
00:01:34,103 --> 00:01:36,404
that makes Margaret uneasy.
39
00:01:36,405 --> 00:01:39,072
Oh, by the way,
shoes on or shoes off?
40
00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:40,773
Leave 'em on.
These kids don't need
41
00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:43,309
to see you running around
half naked.
42
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:44,810
Understood.
43
00:01:44,811 --> 00:01:45,810
Oh.
44
00:01:45,811 --> 00:01:47,845
And I bought you
some baseball cards.
45
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,513
Upper deck.
46
00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:51,815
Uh, thanks.
47
00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:55,084
Hi.
I'm Molly, Mike's girlfriend.
48
00:01:55,085 --> 00:01:57,086
Oh, really?
Margaret never mentioned
49
00:01:57,087 --> 00:01:59,555
that little Mikey
was seeing someone.
50
00:02:00,924 --> 00:02:03,957
Well, it's an honor and a
privilege to meet you, Molly.
51
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,057
I'm afraid that
52
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,626
since I was unaware
of your existence,
53
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,095
I neglected to
bring you a gift.
54
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,497
Oh, don't worry about it... it's
just nice to meet you, Dennis.
55
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,798
Perhaps I could offer
you a book of stamps
56
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:16,266
or a crisp
five-dollar bill?
57
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:17,567
No.
58
00:02:17,568 --> 00:02:20,102
Look at him work his magic.
59
00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:23,138
Sand to an a-rab.
60
00:02:34,296 --> 00:02:38,796
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:43,875
Dinner was delicious.
62
00:02:44,369 --> 00:02:47,238
Good for you, finding a man who
knows his way around the kitchen.
63
00:02:47,239 --> 00:02:48,906
Hey, I know my way
around the kitchen.
64
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:52,241
I meant cooking,
not finding an oreo in the dark.
65
00:02:52,242 --> 00:02:53,875
Oh.
66
00:02:53,876 --> 00:02:55,443
While the dishes are soaking,
67
00:02:55,444 --> 00:02:58,845
shall I whip us up a batch of
my homemade oatmeal scotchies?
68
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,113
I could eat a cookie.
69
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:01,380
Oh, we're-we're fine, Dennis.
70
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,282
We're trying to lay off sweets.
71
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,883
Aw!
72
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:07,252
That was a really
wonderful meal.
73
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,520
Where'd you learn
to cook like that?
74
00:03:09,521 --> 00:03:12,525
I was a cook in the army
during the vietnamese conflict.
75
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,727
Vietnam? Wow!
76
00:03:13,728 --> 00:03:15,229
Did you see any combat?
77
00:03:15,230 --> 00:03:17,867
That's how I got this bum ear.
Artillery barrage.
78
00:03:17,868 --> 00:03:19,436
If I hadn't covered my head
79
00:03:19,437 --> 00:03:22,338
with that stock pot
of chipped beef,
80
00:03:22,339 --> 00:03:26,275
I don't think I'd be
standing before you today.
81
00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:28,176
I thought you were
gonna make cookies.
82
00:03:28,177 --> 00:03:30,445
I'd eat a cookie.
No, no, no cookies.
83
00:03:30,446 --> 00:03:33,280
Why don't you sit down
with us for a while?
84
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:35,382
He doesn't like to sit.
It's true.
85
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:38,351
Probably from all that time I
spent crouching in a bamboo cage
86
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,387
getting poked
by a Vietcong bayonet.
87
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,488
Oh, my God.
You were a P.O.W.?
88
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:47,759
18 months, waist-deep
in a snake-infested swamp.
89
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,294
Still better than
High School, though.
90
00:03:50,295 --> 00:03:52,796
Aw, boo-hoo,
91
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,731
cinderella.
92
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:58,301
Quit boring these kids
with your sob stories.
93
00:03:58,302 --> 00:04:00,169
You're absolutely
right, Margaret.
94
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:02,538
This evening is not about me.
95
00:04:02,539 --> 00:04:05,007
It's about little Mikey
and his lovely girlfriend.
96
00:04:05,008 --> 00:04:06,675
So...
97
00:04:06,676 --> 00:04:08,910
How long have you two
been together?
98
00:04:08,911 --> 00:04:11,245
I don't know, for,
like, maybe a year.
99
00:04:11,246 --> 00:04:12,813
Seven months.
100
00:04:14,449 --> 00:04:16,482
I was rounding up.
101
00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:21,755
So, are you young people hearing
wedding bells in your future?
102
00:04:21,756 --> 00:04:22,722
Oh.
103
00:04:22,723 --> 00:04:24,791
What the hell's
the matter with you?
104
00:04:24,792 --> 00:04:27,526
They... they haven't
been together that long.
105
00:04:27,527 --> 00:04:31,196
The wheels could fall off
this wagon on the drive home.
106
00:04:31,197 --> 00:04:33,698
Well... I don't know about that.
107
00:04:33,699 --> 00:04:36,835
I think we're doing fine;
We're moving along very nicely.
108
00:04:36,836 --> 00:04:38,637
Absolutely. We got
a good thing here,
109
00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:40,806
and we don't need to ruin it
by talking about marriage.
110
00:04:40,807 --> 00:04:43,608
Well, I don't think
we'd ruin it.
111
00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:45,944
Oh, I-I didn't mean ruin.
112
00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:48,246
I just mean spoil or taint.
113
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,014
Taint?!
114
00:04:50,849 --> 00:04:52,516
The point is...
115
00:04:53,718 --> 00:04:55,419
That's a conversation
for another time
116
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,253
way in the future.
117
00:04:57,254 --> 00:04:59,221
So how far in the future
are you talking about?
118
00:04:59,222 --> 00:05:03,025
Because I'm in my 30s... I'd
like to have children someday.
119
00:05:03,026 --> 00:05:04,526
Well, me, too, but...
120
00:05:04,527 --> 00:05:06,194
But what?
121
00:05:07,029 --> 00:05:09,697
Uh...
122
00:05:11,099 --> 00:05:13,834
It would appear that
I've opened up
123
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,369
a can of worms.
124
00:05:15,370 --> 00:05:17,471
And you wonder why
people lock you in cages
125
00:05:17,472 --> 00:05:18,805
and poke you with knives.
126
00:05:24,378 --> 00:05:26,145
I never even met the man,
and he asked
127
00:05:26,146 --> 00:05:27,946
if Molly and I are planning
on getting married.
128
00:05:27,947 --> 00:05:29,681
Well, once somebody
drops the m-bomb,
129
00:05:29,682 --> 00:05:31,616
it changes everything,
never goes away.
130
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:34,652
It's like trying to get dog crap
out of a tennis shoe.
131
00:05:34,653 --> 00:05:37,654
You can hose it down,
take an old toothbrush to it...
132
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:40,422
Don't matter, that shoe
ain't never gonna smell right.
133
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,622
All I know is I'm not
gonna rush into anything.
134
00:05:42,623 --> 00:05:44,589
When Molly and I are
both ready, that's when
135
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:46,257
we're gonna get married.
Good for you.
136
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,725
Just don't you dare elope on me.
137
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:50,594
It'll break my heart, and
I will never, ever forgive you.
138
00:05:50,595 --> 00:05:51,795
What are you talking about?
139
00:05:51,796 --> 00:05:53,362
Well, I'm assuming
I'm your best man.
140
00:05:53,363 --> 00:05:55,031
Unless you got another guy
who Heimlich'd
141
00:05:55,032 --> 00:05:56,865
the sugar baby
out of your windpipe.
142
00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:59,233
And I would be honored
143
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,836
to be a groomsman, as long as
you pair me with Molly's sister.
144
00:06:02,837 --> 00:06:06,507
I am bound and determined
to tap that.
145
00:06:07,842 --> 00:06:09,275
Listen, you can both just relax.
146
00:06:09,276 --> 00:06:11,410
Molly and I aren't
anywhere near getting married.
147
00:06:11,411 --> 00:06:13,178
Well, when the time
is right, you'll know.
148
00:06:13,179 --> 00:06:15,880
But let me say, I am a sucker
for a spring wedding.
149
00:06:15,881 --> 00:06:17,682
Oh, yes.
The flowers are beautiful,
150
00:06:17,683 --> 00:06:20,251
and the season gives you
that sense of new beginnings.
151
00:06:20,252 --> 00:06:21,619
It is the midwest,
though, so you're
152
00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:22,653
rolling the dice on the weather.
153
00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:24,121
That's why you plan
an outdoor wedding
154
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,189
but with an indoor option.
155
00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:26,957
Oh.
156
00:06:26,958 --> 00:06:30,393
Listen, ladies,
nobody's getting married.
157
00:06:30,394 --> 00:06:31,560
Understood.
158
00:06:31,561 --> 00:06:33,195
But I will need at least
three weeks notice
159
00:06:33,196 --> 00:06:34,597
if you want a decent
best-man speech.
160
00:06:34,598 --> 00:06:36,365
And if anybody's
tapping Molly's sister,
161
00:06:36,366 --> 00:06:37,999
it's gonna be me.
162
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,466
Uh, good luck with that.
163
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:42,669
You have the badge,
but I have the accent.
164
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,070
Oh, and a good bachelor party
165
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,338
can't just be thrown together
at the last minute.
166
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,040
That's true.
We should probably start
167
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,741
scouting out strip clubs
right now.
168
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,777
We can begin downtown, and then
work our way to the airport.
169
00:06:52,778 --> 00:06:54,145
Mm, I don't know.
170
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:57,014
Those places get nastier the
closer you get to the airport.
171
00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:58,649
I say we start there.
172
00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:05,221
Vince, sweetie,
it's not a big deal.
173
00:07:05,222 --> 00:07:08,590
Once in a while, it's gonna
happen to a man your age.
174
00:07:08,591 --> 00:07:10,892
Yeah, but it's never
happened to me before.
175
00:07:10,893 --> 00:07:12,427
I'm so humiliated.
176
00:07:12,428 --> 00:07:14,329
Hey, I'm a patient woman,
177
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:17,999
and I know eventually,
when you relax a little
178
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,334
and take the pressure
off yourself,
179
00:07:20,335 --> 00:07:24,704
you'll remember exactly
where you left your Viagra.
180
00:07:27,774 --> 00:07:32,010
Lucky for us, there's more
than one way to skin a cat.
181
00:07:32,011 --> 00:07:35,246
I pray to God you're talking
about skinning an actual cat.
182
00:07:36,849 --> 00:07:39,116
Where's the big guy,
sleeping in?
183
00:07:39,117 --> 00:07:41,885
No. Things were kind of awkward
between us last night,
184
00:07:41,886 --> 00:07:44,120
so he slept at his place.
185
00:07:44,121 --> 00:07:46,722
See? Not every night
can be mardi gras.
186
00:07:46,723 --> 00:07:48,690
Sometimes a man is tired
and overworked,
187
00:07:48,691 --> 00:07:51,226
so he forgets where
he put his erection enhancers.
188
00:07:51,227 --> 00:07:52,060
Good-bye.
189
00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,528
No, sit down, honey.
190
00:07:53,529 --> 00:07:55,297
Now, Vince, hush.
191
00:07:55,298 --> 00:07:57,598
Now, listen, if you and Mike
are having troubles,
192
00:07:57,599 --> 00:07:59,566
you can talk to us about it.
193
00:08:00,368 --> 00:08:02,069
It's no big deal.
194
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:04,571
Last night somebody
brought up the topic of marriage
195
00:08:04,572 --> 00:08:06,539
and... Mike panicked.
196
00:08:06,540 --> 00:08:08,374
What do you mean, panicked?
197
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,110
You know, his face turned white
and he started fidgeting
198
00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:14,012
and chewing his thumb;
He looked like a giant baby
199
00:08:14,013 --> 00:08:16,014
that had to go pee-pee.
200
00:08:16,015 --> 00:08:19,717
Can you imagine powdering
that big bottom?
201
00:08:19,718 --> 00:08:20,818
Mom!
202
00:08:20,819 --> 00:08:22,620
Sorry. Sorry.
203
00:08:22,621 --> 00:08:25,455
Um, honey, you
know he loves you.
204
00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:29,159
I'm sure, like all men,
he's just a little gun-shy.
205
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,726
Was that a shot at me?
206
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,863
'Cause when I find
my little blue friends,
207
00:08:33,864 --> 00:08:35,131
I'll show you who's gun-shy.
208
00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:38,301
Well, retrace
your steps, honey.
209
00:08:38,302 --> 00:08:40,069
Anyway.
210
00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:42,536
I don't know, mom,
I feel like I've been
211
00:08:42,537 --> 00:08:44,604
pushing Mike since
day one of this relationship.
212
00:08:44,605 --> 00:08:45,806
I asked him out.
213
00:08:45,807 --> 00:08:48,241
I was the first one
who wanted to sleep together.
214
00:08:48,242 --> 00:08:50,810
Maybe I should just back off
until he figures out
215
00:08:50,811 --> 00:08:52,245
what it is he really wants.
216
00:08:52,246 --> 00:08:54,413
Well, what do you want, sweetie?
217
00:08:55,281 --> 00:08:57,849
I want to marry the guy someday.
218
00:08:57,850 --> 00:09:00,918
But I don't want him to feel
like I'm railroading him.
219
00:09:00,919 --> 00:09:02,986
Then you're just
gonna have to relax
220
00:09:02,987 --> 00:09:06,256
and trust that if
it's meant to be, it'll be.
221
00:09:06,257 --> 00:09:08,024
Take life as it comes.
222
00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,860
Oh, I suck at that.
223
00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:12,961
In
my glove compartment,
224
00:09:12,962 --> 00:09:16,031
from the time we did it
at the car wash.
225
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:19,433
T minus 30 minutes
and counting.
226
00:09:20,335 --> 00:09:22,069
Are we good here?
227
00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:23,237
'Cause sometimes when I stare
228
00:09:23,238 --> 00:09:24,938
at the one-eyed monster,
it happens quicker.
229
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,406
Go!
230
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:36,148
So, what are you up for?
231
00:09:36,149 --> 00:09:38,150
Grab a bite, maybe
catch a movie?
232
00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:41,920
Whatever you want to do,
I'm just easy, peasy, japanesey.
233
00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:44,356
Okey-dokey.
234
00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:45,690
Call me pokey.
235
00:09:45,691 --> 00:09:47,892
Seriously, though,
236
00:09:47,893 --> 00:09:49,427
a nice dinner and a late movie
237
00:09:49,428 --> 00:09:51,296
or a quick snack
and an early one?
238
00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:52,530
Mike, it's up to you.
239
00:09:52,531 --> 00:09:54,566
I just want to enjoy
our time together
240
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,168
with no expectations.
241
00:09:57,169 --> 00:09:58,303
Great.
242
00:09:58,304 --> 00:10:00,105
Whatever happens happens.
243
00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:01,740
All righty.
244
00:10:01,741 --> 00:10:04,876
Why don't we try to narrow
down what kind of food we want
245
00:10:04,877 --> 00:10:06,144
and just take it from there?
246
00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:07,779
Sounds like a plan.
247
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:09,548
Okay, what are you hungry for?
248
00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,883
Well, I had a turkey burger
for lunch, so...
249
00:10:11,884 --> 00:10:15,687
Whatever you want is...
fine with me.
250
00:10:15,688 --> 00:10:18,023
I'd even eat
another turkey burger.
251
00:10:18,024 --> 00:10:18,790
Really?
252
00:10:18,791 --> 00:10:21,526
If I had to.
253
00:10:22,495 --> 00:10:24,196
How about Italian?
254
00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:25,330
Sure.
255
00:10:25,331 --> 00:10:26,932
Or we could do Chinese.
256
00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:29,068
Ooh, sounds good!
257
00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:32,838
Maybe we'll just grab
a hot dog at the movie.
258
00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:35,007
I'm with that, too.
259
00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:40,912
So, where are we headed?
260
00:10:40,913 --> 00:10:42,914
I don't know, I can't
answer that question.
261
00:10:42,915 --> 00:10:45,316
I mean, I love you...
I know that much.
262
00:10:45,317 --> 00:10:48,018
Mike, I'm just
trying to figure out
263
00:10:48,019 --> 00:10:49,687
where you want to have dinner.
264
00:10:49,688 --> 00:10:51,222
Aw, crap.
265
00:10:55,552 --> 00:10:57,719
Everything was going so good,
then somebody mentions marriage,
266
00:10:57,731 --> 00:10:58,998
and now we can't
even just hang out.
267
00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:00,332
Told you, man,
268
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,867
that tennis shoe ain't
never gonna smell the same.
269
00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:04,469
Hey, it's not that I don't
want to marry Molly.
270
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:07,872
I just kind of wanted to have my life
more together before I asked her.
271
00:11:07,873 --> 00:11:09,573
Please tell me this ain't
about your weight,
272
00:11:09,574 --> 00:11:12,575
'cause you've been losing and gaining
the same 14 pounds since I met you.
273
00:11:12,576 --> 00:11:14,475
It's not that.
274
00:11:14,476 --> 00:11:15,643
I've made peace with the fact
275
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:17,545
that I'm always gonna
be a little stocky.
276
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,080
- Stocky?
- Let it go.
277
00:11:21,116 --> 00:11:23,451
I wanted to have a little more
money in the bank, you know,
278
00:11:23,452 --> 00:11:24,785
be farther along in my career.
279
00:11:24,786 --> 00:11:26,253
I mean, I always imagined
getting married
280
00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:29,390
in my dress blues with
sergeant stripes on my sleeve.
281
00:11:29,391 --> 00:11:30,591
Oh, that's nice.
282
00:11:30,592 --> 00:11:32,593
I always pictured white tuxedo
with black piping,
283
00:11:32,594 --> 00:11:34,461
but the dress blues
is a great idea.
284
00:11:34,462 --> 00:11:36,896
Right, with the gloves
and the hats under our arms?
285
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,198
Yeah, that's a sharp look,
286
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,367
plus the dark blue will make
you look a tad less stocky.
287
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,837
All right, boys,
I'm heading out.
288
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,706
- It's my bridge night.
- Who you trying to fool?
289
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:49,141
Everybody knows tonight's
your poker night.
290
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,876
Yeah, but I have to cross
a bridge to get there.
291
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:56,014
Michael, how come you're not
with Molly this evening?
292
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,982
Ah, we're just kind of taking
a night off from each other.
293
00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:00,483
The topic of marriage came up.
294
00:12:00,484 --> 00:12:03,054
Oh, I'm sorry, baby,
did she turn you down?
295
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,324
- No.
- Don't sit there and tell me
296
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,828
you turned her down 'cause that
would make him the smart one,
297
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,264
and I don't want to live
in a world where that's true.
298
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:13,299
Hey, there's nothing wrong
299
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,934
with a man taking his time
and not acting impulsively.
300
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,102
Oh, please.
301
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,504
The only reason
you didn't marry
302
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,273
that mail-order
Russian bride
303
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:23,976
is because you maxed out your
credit card having phone sex.
304
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,743
That was not phone sex.
305
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,177
That was a singles chat room.
306
00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:29,342
Mm-hmm, and was everybody else
in the chat room
307
00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:31,210
sitting in their grandma's
hall closet
308
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:33,579
with their hand
down their pants?
309
00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:36,381
You ever heard of knocking?
310
00:12:36,382 --> 00:12:38,249
You ever heard
of knocking it off?
311
00:12:41,119 --> 00:12:43,120
And why you dragging your feet?
312
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,521
You know you love that girl.
313
00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:46,756
I do; I just want to know
I can take care of her,
314
00:12:46,757 --> 00:12:48,624
be the kind of guy she deserves.
315
00:12:48,625 --> 00:12:51,126
Well, don't waste too much time
trying to be a better man,
316
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:53,629
'cause you ain't never gonna be
one without a good woman.
317
00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:55,030
And what are the chances
of lightning
318
00:12:55,031 --> 00:12:58,599
hitting this big barn again?
319
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,968
Well, I can honestly say I am
not done with my bachelorhood.
320
00:13:01,969 --> 00:13:04,636
Yeah, Carl McMillan has a lot
of living and loving left to do.
321
00:13:04,637 --> 00:13:08,840
Then you need to get out of
my closet and go find a woman.
322
00:13:09,675 --> 00:13:10,842
Shoot, I have to cover my eyes
323
00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:14,080
to even reach in
and grab an umbrella.
324
00:13:15,382 --> 00:13:17,317
I mean, I know Mike
loves me and I love him,
325
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,952
and when the topic
of marriage came up,
326
00:13:18,953 --> 00:13:20,888
I could have just let it go.
327
00:13:20,889 --> 00:13:22,589
Well, now you know
for next time.
328
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:25,057
No, it's already out there,
it's in his head... marriage.
329
00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:27,525
God, I even said I wanted
to have kids someday.
330
00:13:27,526 --> 00:13:29,426
Guys never want to hear that,
331
00:13:29,427 --> 00:13:32,962
especially when they're already
married and have kids.
332
00:13:33,864 --> 00:13:36,131
I should have just left
well enough alone,
333
00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:37,365
but I had to push it.
334
00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:40,069
I always have to take charge,
and guys hate that.
335
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,703
Unless you're wearing
a black bustier
336
00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:42,704
and holding a riding crop.
337
00:13:42,705 --> 00:13:45,140
Then they practically beg
for it.
338
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,142
How does that help me?
339
00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:50,612
I'm just saying,
guys are weird.
340
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:53,281
The important thing is
that Mike and I are happy,
341
00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:54,916
and that,
that should be enough.
342
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:55,984
Absolutely.
343
00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:58,653
But it's not.
344
00:13:58,654 --> 00:14:01,756
Now I want it all, and I want
to know that I'm getting it all.
345
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,458
I'm sure he wants
the same thing,
346
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,193
and he'll come around
to it eventually.
347
00:14:05,194 --> 00:14:06,694
Oh, please, he doesn't know
what he wants.
348
00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:08,329
Last night
he couldn't make a decision
349
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:09,530
between a restaurant
and a movie.
350
00:14:09,531 --> 00:14:11,565
We shared a lean cuisine
while watching
351
00:14:11,566 --> 00:14:14,000
ice trucker reruns.
352
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:16,370
Well, it's up to you
to tell him what he wants.
353
00:14:16,371 --> 00:14:17,371
No, I can't do that.
354
00:14:17,372 --> 00:14:19,608
That makes me a pushy broad.
355
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,644
He's got to come to it
on his own.
356
00:14:21,645 --> 00:14:23,580
I thought you just said
he can't come to it on his own.
357
00:14:23,581 --> 00:14:26,216
No, he's useless.
358
00:14:26,217 --> 00:14:28,485
But you still want to marry him?
359
00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:30,186
Of course. I love him.
360
00:14:30,187 --> 00:14:33,923
Okay, if we're going
to keep talking,
361
00:14:33,924 --> 00:14:37,260
I need to be way higher
than I am right now.
362
00:14:41,398 --> 00:14:43,600
Continue.
363
00:14:46,604 --> 00:14:49,138
What do you mean
you can't help me find my dog?
364
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,906
You're the fire department.
365
00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:53,307
Not a priority?
366
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:55,476
But greasing
your big, muscly chests
367
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,245
and posing for calendars is?
368
00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:00,881
What the hell happened?
369
00:15:00,882 --> 00:15:03,882
I let Dennis take Jim for a walk
and he lost him.
370
00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:05,382
Ah, damn. I'm sure he's fine.
371
00:15:05,383 --> 00:15:07,317
He's probably sleeping under
the Gundersons' shed again.
372
00:15:07,318 --> 00:15:09,753
No, oh, he ran away
to make a point.
373
00:15:09,754 --> 00:15:11,522
Mom, come on.
374
00:15:11,523 --> 00:15:14,091
This was his house, and I
brought another man into it.
375
00:15:14,092 --> 00:15:15,760
Now he's punishing me.
376
00:15:15,761 --> 00:15:17,695
I highly doubt
that it's personal.
377
00:15:17,696 --> 00:15:20,631
Everything's personal with Jim.
378
00:15:20,632 --> 00:15:23,333
I think the world of him, but
he knows what my buttons are,
379
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:25,334
and he knows how to push 'em.
380
00:15:25,335 --> 00:15:28,137
Well, the prodigal dog
has returned.
381
00:15:28,138 --> 00:15:29,338
Jim!
382
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:30,739
Oh!
383
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:32,741
He rolled in some
unidentified fecal matter,
384
00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:34,910
and what is not
matted in his fur,
385
00:15:34,911 --> 00:15:37,179
I believe is lodged
between his teeth.
386
00:15:39,181 --> 00:15:40,782
Thanks for finding him.
387
00:15:40,783 --> 00:15:42,250
What are you thanking him for?
388
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:44,952
He's the reason he got
lost in the first place.
389
00:15:44,953 --> 00:15:47,054
Mom, just take it easy,
everything's fine now.
390
00:15:47,055 --> 00:15:48,356
I understand your anger,
Margaret.
391
00:15:48,357 --> 00:15:51,058
It was foolish of me to take him
off leash at the park
392
00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:54,427
so that he and I
might cavort freely.
393
00:15:54,428 --> 00:15:56,096
Foolish?
It was idiotic.
394
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:57,163
You almost lost
395
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,600
the most precious thing
in the world to me...
396
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:00,601
Second most precious.
397
00:16:00,602 --> 00:16:02,036
Uh-huh.
398
00:16:02,037 --> 00:16:05,205
Come on, Jim, let's get
the possum scat out of your fur.
399
00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,773
Possum?
400
00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:10,076
Your mother sure does
know her animal dung.
401
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:14,513
As soon as she cools off, I'm
sure everything will be fine.
402
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,949
I hope so.
403
00:16:16,950 --> 00:16:18,750
Your mother and I
have had our romance
404
00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:21,552
on slow simmer for
seven years now,
405
00:16:21,553 --> 00:16:23,121
and I'd hate to see it
bubble over
406
00:16:23,122 --> 00:16:26,895
just because Jim chased
a squirrel into a poop pipe.
407
00:16:26,896 --> 00:16:29,333
Seven years?
408
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:30,567
Your mother is
409
00:16:30,568 --> 00:16:32,403
a sensitive and delicate flower,
410
00:16:32,404 --> 00:16:36,740
handily disguised by a hateful
and abusive demeanor.
411
00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:43,380
Well, I do know she was pretty
broken up when my dad left,
412
00:16:43,381 --> 00:16:46,351
and I'm guessing she just
doesn't want to be hurt again.
413
00:16:46,352 --> 00:16:47,519
Interesting.
414
00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:52,056
Does your unwillingness to
commit to your girlfriend
415
00:16:52,057 --> 00:16:54,392
make you a chip
off the old block?
416
00:16:54,393 --> 00:16:56,494
Not that I'm calling
your mother an old block.
417
00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:58,997
She's more stocky.
418
00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:04,201
I don't know, I hadn't
really thought about it.
419
00:17:05,971 --> 00:17:10,374
Love is a frightening
thing, isn't it, Mikey?
420
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,077
Yes, it is.
421
00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:15,045
Almost as bad as being
buried up to your neck
422
00:17:15,046 --> 00:17:17,647
and trying to keep rats
from chewing off your eyelids.
423
00:17:17,648 --> 00:17:19,916
Wow, did that really
happen to you?
424
00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:21,218
Sure did.
425
00:17:21,219 --> 00:17:24,654
I guess High School
was tough for everybody.
426
00:17:26,691 --> 00:17:28,459
Why do we have
427
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:29,426
to do this right now?
428
00:17:29,427 --> 00:17:30,761
Need to clear the air
with Molly
429
00:17:30,762 --> 00:17:32,329
and let her know why
I've been dragging my feet.
430
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:34,765
I owe her that much.
431
00:17:34,766 --> 00:17:35,900
Miss Flynn?
432
00:17:35,901 --> 00:17:37,468
Mike, what are you doing here?
433
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,803
Sorry to interrupt. I just need
to have a word with your teacher.
434
00:17:39,804 --> 00:17:40,610
Can't this wait?
435
00:17:40,611 --> 00:17:42,373
No.
I need to tell you something.
436
00:17:42,374 --> 00:17:44,242
All right, quiet study time...
437
00:17:44,243 --> 00:17:45,743
Books open, mouths closed.
438
00:17:45,744 --> 00:17:47,545
What is up?
439
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:48,546
I love you, Molly.
440
00:17:48,547 --> 00:17:51,382
Quiet!
441
00:17:51,383 --> 00:17:52,383
I love you, too.
442
00:17:52,384 --> 00:17:53,317
Now get out of here.
443
00:17:53,318 --> 00:17:54,485
I'm not done.
444
00:17:54,486 --> 00:17:56,954
I also want you to know
that I'm really happy
445
00:17:56,955 --> 00:17:58,256
with what we've got.
446
00:17:58,257 --> 00:18:01,225
Absolutely, and there's no
reason to rush into anything
447
00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:03,794
until we're both
sure we're ready.
448
00:18:03,795 --> 00:18:05,496
It would appear I'm ready.
449
00:18:05,497 --> 00:18:07,131
Shut up.
450
00:18:07,132 --> 00:18:10,001
Shut up!
451
00:18:10,002 --> 00:18:12,403
Really?
452
00:18:12,404 --> 00:18:16,741
Molly Flynn, will you marry me?
453
00:18:16,742 --> 00:18:19,644
Are you sure this is
really what you want?
454
00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:20,678
I'd get down on my knees,
455
00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,646
but I'm not sure
I could get back up.
456
00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:26,850
Seriously, I don't...
457
00:18:26,851 --> 00:18:30,087
I-I don't want you to feel
pressured into anything.
458
00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,055
I don't.
459
00:18:31,056 --> 00:18:32,322
In fact, I haven't felt
this sure
460
00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,458
about anything in a long time.
461
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,031
Is that a yes?
462
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,099
Ye... yes.
463
00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:46,269
People, please pipe down.
464
00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:49,307
A precious moment.
465
00:18:53,312 --> 00:18:54,846
When did you get this ring?
466
00:18:54,847 --> 00:18:58,316
About two weeks
after I met you.
467
00:19:00,486 --> 00:19:04,856
Look at me...
I'm gonna be a best man.
468
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,387
If someone would have
told me a year ago that...
469
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,756
Seven months.
470
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,959
Seven months ago that
I'd be standing up here
471
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,594
next to this incredible woman,
472
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:26,363
an engaged man and
eight pounds lighter,
473
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:27,697
I never would have
believed them.
474
00:19:27,698 --> 00:19:29,932
I mean, four pounds, maybe, but...
475
00:19:31,434 --> 00:19:33,569
Anyway, we just want
to thank you for coming
476
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:36,004
and sharing
this moment with us.
477
00:19:39,975 --> 00:19:43,677
So, when's the wedding?
478
00:19:43,678 --> 00:19:45,679
What's the matter with you?
479
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,182
You got shrapnel
in your noggin?
480
00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:51,751
I'm thinking next spring,
sunset, Lincoln park,
481
00:19:51,752 --> 00:19:53,352
when the azaleas are in bloom.
482
00:19:53,353 --> 00:19:56,821
But with an indoor option
in case of inclement weather.
483
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:59,023
Or rain.
484
00:19:59,024 --> 00:20:00,791
Hey, me and red are
going to tie the knot
485
00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:03,794
near an active volcano
on the island of Kauai.
486
00:20:03,795 --> 00:20:05,395
Maybe they'd throw us a twofer.
487
00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:08,231
Oh, a double wedding
with my daughter.
488
00:20:08,232 --> 00:20:10,567
I've always dreamed of that.
489
00:20:10,568 --> 00:20:13,303
Really? That's a
very peculiar dream.
490
00:20:16,773 --> 00:20:19,107
You have got to keep
your pie-hole shut.
491
00:20:19,108 --> 00:20:21,743
The whole tent
is covered with flowers.
492
00:20:21,744 --> 00:20:22,977
It doesn't look like a tent.
493
00:20:27,882 --> 00:20:30,283
I love you, Mike.
I love you, Molly.
494
00:20:30,284 --> 00:20:34,319
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com