1
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:04,131
Here's some hors d'oeuvres.

2
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,704
The crackers are low-cal
and taste like tree bark...

3
00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,068
...so I doubled up on the spray cheese.

4
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:10,266
Thanks, Mom.

5
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:14,140
-When's your boyfriend getting here?
-Quit calling him my boyfriend. I told you.

6
00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:16,976
He's just a fellow from my church
that I'm seeing socially.

7
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,641
Socially? Is that what you kids
are calling it these days?

8
00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:21,753
[BOTH LAUGH]

9
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,548
I'm not amused by the tramp talk.

10
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:30,126
Regardless, it's a good idea for me
to get a look at this guy and size him up.

11
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:34,756
Gotta warn you, he's a smooth talker.
Man could sell sand to an Arab.

12
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:38,960
Hey, I'm a police officer
and I can spot a con man a mile away.

13
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,664
And they love to prey on frail,
vulnerable women like yourself.

14
00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,240
[SCOFFS]

15
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,506
That's true.

16
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:48,642
[DOORBELL RlNGS]

17
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:51,443
-That would be him.
-Take a seat, Mom. I got this.

18
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,019
Promise me you two stags won't lock horns
in the living room.

19
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,347
I'm just gonna
lay out a few ground rules...

20
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,993
...Iet him know
I'm keeping an eye on him.

21
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,198
You must be little Mikey.

22
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,702
Yeah, hi. Come on in.

23
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:13,600
Thank you.
Dennis Richardson is my name.

24
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:16,173
-I'm your mom's....
-Friend from church.

25
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:18,333
Friend from church.

26
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:19,842
Forgive my tardiness.

27
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,277
I didn't allow for enough time
to cook dinner...

28
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:24,747
...as well as give myself a haircut.

29
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,386
I can vouch
for the tastiness of the food...

30
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:31,217
...but I wouldn't take a tape measure
to these sideburns.

31
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:33,492
You cooked dinner at your house?

32
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:38,188
Cooking here implies a level of domesticity
that makes Margaret uneasy.

33
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:40,897
Oh, by the way, shoes on or shoes off?

34
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:45,003
Leave them on. These kids don't need
to see you running around half-naked.

35
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:46,896
Understood.

36
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:51,066
Oh, and I bought you some baseball cards.
Upper Deck.

37
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:53,674
Uh, thanks.

38
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,839
Ha. Hi, I'm Molly, Mike's girlfriend.

39
00:01:57,016 --> 00:02:01,146
Oh, really? Margaret never mentioned
that little Mikey was seeing someone.

40
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,689
Well, it's an honor and a privilege
to meet you, Molly.

41
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:09,620
I'm afraid that since
I was unaware of your existence...

42
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,855
...I neglected to bring you a gift.

43
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,261
Don't worry.
It's just nice to meet you, Dennis.

44
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:17,767
Perhaps I could offer you a book of stamps
or a crisp $5 bill.

45
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,336
MOLLY:
No, no.

46
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:21,831
Look at him work his magic.

47
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,704
Sand to an Arab.

48
00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:45,821
Dinner was delicious.

49
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,968
Good for you, finding a man
who knows his way around the kitchen.

50
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,535
-I know my way around a kitchen.
-I meant cooking...

51
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,899
...not finding an Oreo in the dark.

52
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,201
While the dishes soak...

53
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,471
...shall I whip us up a batch
of my homemade Oatmeal Scotchies?

54
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:01,739
I could eat a cookie.

55
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,907
We're fine, Dennis.
We're trying to lay off sweets.

56
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,551
Aw.

57
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:11,147
That was a really wonderful meal.
Where did you learn to cook?

58
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:14,157
I was a cook in the Army
during the Vietnamese conflict.

59
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,921
Vietnam? Wow, did you see any combat?

60
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:18,893
That's how I got this bum ear.

61
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,498
Artillery barrage.

62
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:24,125
If I hadn't covered my head
with that stock pot of chipped beef...

63
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,535
... I don't think
I'd be standing before you today.

64
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:31,170
-I thought you were gonna make cookies.
-I'd eat a cookie.

65
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:34,939
No, no. No cookies. Why don't you
just sit down with us for a while?

66
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,014
-He doesn't like to sit.
-It's true.

67
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:40,175
Probably from all that time
I spent crouching in a bamboo cage...

68
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,083
...getting poked by a Vietcong bayonet.

69
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,190
Oh, my God, you were a POW?

70
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:49,988
Eighteen months waist-deep
in a snake-infested swamp.

71
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,926
Still better than high school, though.

72
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,197
Oh, boo-hoo, Cinderella.

73
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,963
Quit boring these kids with
your sob stories.

74
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:04,200
You're absolutely right, Margaret.
This evening is not about me.

75
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,709
It's about little Mikey
and his lovely girlfriend.

76
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,549
So how long have you two
been together?

77
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,083
I don't know, like, maybe a year.

78
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,277
Seven months.

79
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:17,947
I was rounding up.

80
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:23,490
So are you young people
hearing wedding bells in your future?

81
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,461
-Oh.
-What the hell's the matter with you?

82
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,358
They haven't been together long.

83
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,834
The wheels could fall off this wagon
on the drive home.

84
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,302
Well, I don't know about that.

85
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:38,467
I think we're doing fine.
We're moving along very nicely.

86
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,374
Absolutely. We got a good thing here.

87
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,174
And we don't need to ruin it
by talking about marriage.

88
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,249
Well, I don't think it'd ruin it.

89
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:49,847
Oh, I didn't mean ruin,
I just meant spoil or taint.

90
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,251
Taint?

91
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,016
The point is...

92
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:58,861
...that's a conversation for another time,
way in the future.

93
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,593
So how far in the future are you
talking about? Because I'm in my 30s...

94
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,669
...and I'd like to have children someday.

95
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:06,162
Well, me too, but....

96
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,272
But what?

97
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,734
Uh....

98
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,044
It would appear that
I've opened up a can of worms.

99
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:20,879
And you wonder why people lock you
in cages and poke you with knives.

100
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:29,660
I've never met the man and he asks
if Molly and I are getting married.

101
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:33,287
Once somebody drops the M-bomb,
it changes everything. It never goes away.

102
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:36,892
It's like trying to get dog crap
out of a tennis shoe.

103
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,438
Hose it down,
take an old toothbrush to it.

104
00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:42,130
Don't matter.
That shoe ain't never gonna smell right.

105
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,132
I'm not gonna rush into anything.

106
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,904
When Molly and I are both ready,
then we'll get married.

107
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,310
Good for you.
Just don't you dare elope on me.

108
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,246
It'll break my heart
and I will never, ever forgive you.

109
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,216
-What are you talking about?
-I'm assuming I'm your best man.

110
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:58,448
Unless another guy Heimliched
a Sugar Baby out of your windpipe.

111
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:05,190
And I would be honored to be a groomsman
as long as you pair me with Molly's sister.

112
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,993
I am bound and determined to tap that.

113
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:13,127
You can both just relax. Molly and l
aren't anywhere near getting married.

114
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,069
When the time is right, you'll know.

115
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,573
But let me say,
I am a sucker for a spring wedding.

116
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:21,976
Yes. The flowers are beautiful. The season
gives you that sense of new beginnings.

117
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,309
Midwest, though.
Roll the dice on the weather.

118
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,850
You plan an outdoor wedding,
but with an indoor option.

119
00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,646
Oh!

120
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,182
Listen, ladies, nobody's getting married.

121
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:36,294
Understood. But I need three weeks' notice
if you want a decent best-man speech.

122
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:39,625
And if anybody's tapping Molly's sister,
it's gonna be me.

123
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,460
Well, good luck with that.

124
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:44,330
You have the badge,
but I have the accent.

125
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:48,039
Bachelor party can't just be thrown together
at the last minute.

126
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:52,075
That's true. We should probably start
scouting out strip clubs right now.

127
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,009
We can begin downtown
and then work our way to the airport.

128
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,947
I don't know. Those places get nastier
the closer you get to the airport.

129
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,142
I say we start there.

130
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:07,222
Vin, sweetie, it's not a big deal.

131
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,487
Once in a while,
it's gonna happen to a man your age.

132
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,826
Yeah, but it's never happened
to me before. I'm so humiliated.

133
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,130
Hey, I'm a patient woman.
And I know eventually...

134
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:22,104
...when you relax a little
and take the pressure off yourself...

135
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:26,302
...you'll remember exactly
where you left your Viagra.

136
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:33,745
Lucky for us, there's more than one way
to skin a cat.

137
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,753
I pray to God you're talking about
skinning an actual cat.

138
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,856
Where's the big guy? Sleeping in?

139
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,621
No, things were kind of awkward
between us last night...

140
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,821
...so he slept at his place.

141
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:48,432
See? Not every night can be Mardi Gras.

142
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:51,570
Sometimes a man is tired and overworked,
so he forgets...

143
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,570
-...where he put his erection enhancers.
-Goodbye.

144
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,764
Sit. Sit down, honey.

145
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,239
Now, Vin, hush.

146
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,776
Now, listen,
if you and Mike are having troubles...

147
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,709
...you can talk to us about it.

148
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:07,018
It's no big deal. Last night,
somebody brought up the topic of marriage...

149
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,210
...and Mike panicked.

150
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,087
What do mean, panicked?

151
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,156
You know, his face turned white...

152
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,555
...he started fidgeting
and chewing his thumb.

153
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:17,753
He looked like a giant baby
that had to go pee-pee.

154
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,433
Can you imagine
powdering that big bottom?

155
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:25,128
-Mom.
-Sorry, sorry. Um....

156
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,670
Honey, you know he loves you.

157
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,866
I'm sure, like all men,
he's just a little gun-shy.

158
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,271
Was that a shot at me?

159
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:37,911
Because when I find my little blue friends,
I'll show you who's gun-shy.

160
00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:41,885
Retrace your steps, honey. Anyway....

161
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:46,586
I don't know. I feel like I've been pushing
Mike since day one of this relationship.

162
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:47,851
I asked him out.

163
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,393
I was the first one
who wanted to sleep together.

164
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,999
Maybe I should back off until he figures out
what it is he really wants.

165
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,568
Well, what do you want, sweetie?

166
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,234
I wanna marry the guy someday.

167
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,670
But I don't want him to feel
I'm railroading him.

168
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:08,075
Then you're just gonna have to relax
and trust that if it's meant to be, it'll be.

169
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:09,771
Take life as it comes.

170
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:12,611
Oh, I suck at that.

171
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,816
In my glove compartment
from the time we did it at the car wash.

172
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,991
T-minus 30 minutes and counting.

173
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:23,822
So are we good here?

174
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,658
When I stare at the one-eyed monster,
it happens quicker.

175
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,663
Go!

176
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,871
So, what are you up for?
Grab a bite, maybe catch a movie?

177
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:43,644
Whatever you wanna do.
I'm just easy-peasy Japanesey.

178
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:44,840
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

179
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,451
Okey-dokey. Gumby, Pokey.

180
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,644
[LAUGHS]

181
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:51,119
Seriously, though,
a nice dinner and a late movie...

182
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,019
...or a quick snack and an early one?

183
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:58,892
Mike, it's up to you. I just wanna enjoy
our time together with no expectations.

184
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,464
Great.

185
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:04,831
-Whatever happens, happens, heh.
-Alrighty.

186
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,905
Why don't we narrow down what food
we want, take it from there?

187
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,473
Sounds like a plan.

188
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:13,635
-Okay. What are you hungry for?
-Well, I had a turkey burger for lunch...

189
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:17,613
...so whatever you want is fine with me.

190
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,683
I'd even eat another turkey burger.

191
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:22,616
-Really?
-lf I had to.

192
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,321
-How about ltalian?
-Sure.

193
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:30,724
-Or we could do Chinese.
-Ooh, sounds good.

194
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:32,591
[MOLLY CLEARS THROAT]

195
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:36,758
-Maybe just grab a hot dog at the movie.
-I'm fine with that too.

196
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:42,933
So where are we headed?

197
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:47,068
I don't know. I can't answer that question.
I mean, I love you. I know that much.

198
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,374
I'm trying to figure out
where you want dinner.

199
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:52,744
Aw, crap.

200
00:10:58,791 --> 00:10:59,849
Everything was so good.

201
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,551
Somebody mentions marriage,
now we can't even hang out.

202
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,856
Told you, man. That tennis shoe ain't
never gonna smell the same.

203
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,659
Not that I don't wanna marry Molly.

204
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,859
I just wanted to have my life more together
before I ask her.

205
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,561
Tell me this ain't about weight.

206
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:16,174
Because you've been losing and gaining
the same 14 pounds since I met you.

207
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,544
It's not that. I've made peace with the fact
that I'm a little stocky.

208
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:21,873
-Stocky?
-Let it go.

209
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:28,118
Just wanted to have a little more money
in the bank, be farther along in my career.

210
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:32,280
I imagined getting married in my dress blues
with sergeant stripes on my sleeve.

211
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:35,621
Oh, that's nice. I always pictured
white tuxedo with black piping...

212
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,456
...but dress blues is a great idea.

213
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,996
Right? With the gloves
and the hats under our arms.

214
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,758
Yeah, that's a sharp look.

215
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:44,732
Plus the dark blue
will make you look a tad less stocky.

216
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:49,671
All right, boys, I'm heading out.
It's my bridge night.

217
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,140
Who you trying to fool?
Tonight's poker night.

218
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,643
Yeah, but I have to cross a bridge
to get there.

219
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,040
How come you're not with Molly
this evening?

220
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,914
Oh, we're just kind of taking a night off
from each other.

221
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:03,487
The topic of marriage came up.

222
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,817
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
Did she turn you down?

223
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,827
-No.
-Don't tell me you turned her down...

224
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:12,122
...because that would make him
the smart one...

225
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,823
...and I don't wanna live in a world
where that's true.

226
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:18,864
Nothing wrong with a man taking his time
and not acting impulsively.

227
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:23,202
Oh, please. The only reason you didn't
marry that mail-order Russian bride...

228
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:26,867
...is because you maxed out your credit card
having phone sex.

229
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,143
That was not phone sex.
That was a singles chat room.

230
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,341
Mm-hm.
Was everybody else in the chat room...

231
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:36,511
...sitting in their grandma's hall closet
with their hand down their pants?

232
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:41,017
-Ever heard of knocking?
-Ever heard of knocking it off?

233
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,498
And why you dragging your feet?
You know you love that girl.

234
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:51,568
I do. I just wanna know I can take care
of her, be the kind of guy she deserves.

235
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,171
Don't waste too much time
trying to be a better man.

236
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,638
You ain't never gonna be one
without a good woman.

237
00:12:56,809 --> 00:13:00,643
And what are the chances
of lightning hitting this big barn again?

238
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:05,014
Well, I can honestly say,
I am not done with my bachelorhood.

239
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:08,085
Yeah, Carl McMillan has a lot of living
and loving left to do.

240
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:12,054
Then you need to get out of my closet
and go find a woman.

241
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:16,854
Shoot, I have to cover my eyes
to even reach in and grab an umbrella.

242
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,590
I mean, I know Mike loves me.
And I love him.

243
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:23,894
And when the topic of marriage came up,
I could have just let it go.

244
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,536
Now you know for next time.

245
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,366
No, it's already out there.
It's in his head. Marriage.

246
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,509
I even said I wanna have kids some day.

247
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,405
Guys never wanna hear that.

248
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,741
Especially when they're already married
and have kids.

249
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,041
I should have just left well enough alone.

250
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:43,046
But I had to push it. I always have
to take charge and guys hate that.

251
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,622
Unless you wear a bustier
and hold a riding crop.

252
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,089
Then they practically beg for it.

253
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:53,222
-How does that help me?
-I'm just saying, guys are weird.

254
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,360
The important thing is that
Mike and I are happy...

255
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,935
-...and that should be enough.
-Absolutely.

256
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:01,496
But it's not.

257
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:05,272
Now I want it all
and I wanna know that I'm getting it all.

258
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,208
He wants the same thing.
He'll come around to it eventually.

259
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,779
He doesn't know what he wants.

260
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,782
He couldn't make a decision
between a restaurant and a movie.

261
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:17,321
We shared a Lean Cuisine
while watching Ice Trucker reruns.

262
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,825
-It's up to you to tell him what he wants.
-No, I can't do that.

263
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:24,588
That makes me a pushy broad.
He's gotta come to it on his own.

264
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:29,132
-You said he can't come to it on his own.
-No, he's useless.

265
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,427
But you still wanna marry him?

266
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,168
Of course. I love him.

267
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,933
Okay, if we're going to keep talking...

268
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:40,078
...I need to be way higher
than I am right now.

269
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,409
Continue.

270
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,117
What do you mean,
you can't help me find my dog?

271
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:53,815
You're the Fire Department--

272
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,324
Not a priority?

273
00:14:56,495 --> 00:15:01,023
But greasing your big, muscly chests
and posing for calendars is?

274
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,827
What the hell happened?

275
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,836
I let Dennis take Jim for a walk
and he lost him.

276
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:10,305
I'm sure he's fine. He's probably sleeping
under the Gundersons' shed.

277
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:13,343
No, he ran away to make a point.

278
00:15:13,512 --> 00:15:14,536
Mom, come on.

279
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,204
This was his house
and I brought another man into it.

280
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:18,782
Now he's punishing me.

281
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,680
I highly doubt that it's personal.

282
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,651
Everything's personal with Jim.

283
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,283
I think the world of him.

284
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:28,358
But he knows what my buttons are
and he knows how to push them.

285
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,129
Well, the prodigal dog has returned.

286
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:33,959
Jim. Oh! Ew.

287
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,499
Jim, he rolled
in some unidentified fecal matter.

288
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:41,436
And what is not matted in his fur
I believe is lodged between his teeth.

289
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,435
-Thanks for finding him.
-What are you thanking him for?

290
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,909
He's the reason he got lost
in the first place.

291
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,048
Mom, take it easy.
Everything's fine now.

292
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,409
I understand your anger.

293
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:54,211
It was foolish of me
to take him off leash at the park...

294
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:57,412
...so that he and I might cavort freely.

295
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:59,079
Foolish? It was idiotic.

296
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:02,819
You almost lost the most precious thing
in the world to me.

297
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,986
-Second most precious.
-Uh-huh.

298
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,164
Come on, Jim.
Let's get the possum scat out of your fur.

299
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:09,961
Possum?

300
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,865
Your mother sure does know
her animal dung.

301
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,805
As soon as she cools off,
I'm sure everything will be fine.

302
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,968
I hope so.

303
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:24,582
Your mother and I have had our romance
on slow simmer for seven years now...

304
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,615
...and I'd hate to see it bubble over...

305
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:29,845
...just because Jim chased a squirrel
into a poop pipe.

306
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:32,820
Seven years?

307
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,460
Your mother's a sensitive
and delicate flower...

308
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:40,189
...handily disguised by a hateful
and abusive demeanor.

309
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,467
Well, I do know she was pretty broken up
when my dad left...

310
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:49,266
...and I'm guessing she just doesn't
wanna be hurt again.

311
00:16:49,441 --> 00:16:50,908
Interesting.

312
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,980
Does your unwillingness
to commit to your girlfriend...

313
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,406
...make you a chip off the old block?

314
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,676
Not that I'm calling your mother
an old block.

315
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,377
She's more stocky.

316
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,990
I don't know.
I hadn't really thought about it.

317
00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:13,260
Love is a frightening thing,
isn't it, Mikey?

318
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,064
Yes, it is.

319
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:18,430
Almost as bad as being buried
up to your neck...

320
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:21,664
...and trying to keep rats
from chewing off your eyelids.

321
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,240
-Wow, did that really happen to you?
-Sure did.

322
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,436
I guess high school was tough
for everybody.

323
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,276
CARL: We have to do this right now?
-Need to clear the air with Molly...

324
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:37,445
...Iet her know why I'm dragging my feet.
I owe her that much.

325
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:40,448
-Miss Flynn?
-Mike, what are you doing here?

326
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,856
Sorry, I need to have a word
with your teacher.

327
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:45,326
-Can't this wait?
-I need to tell you something.

328
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:47,294
All right, quiet study time.

329
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:49,798
Books open, mouths closed.

330
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:51,595
-What's up?
-I love you, Molly.

331
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,204
CHlLDREN: Ha-ha-ha.
-Quiet!

332
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,464
-I love you too. Now get out of here.
MlKE: I'm not done.

333
00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:01,272
I also want you to know that
I'm really happy with what we've got.

334
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:04,314
Absolutely. And there's no reason
to rush into anything...

335
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,781
...until we're both sure we're ready.

336
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,480
It would appear I'm ready.

337
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,045
[CHlLDREN GlGGLE]

338
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,087
MOLLY:
Shut up! Shut up!

339
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,386
Really?

340
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:19,292
Molly Flynn, will you marry me?

341
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,628
Are you sure this is really
what you want?

342
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:26,134
I'd get down on my knees,
but I'm not sure I could get back up.

343
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:33,009
Seriously, I don't want you
to feel pressured into anything.

344
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:37,239
I don't. In fact, I haven't felt this sure
about anything in a long time.

345
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:46,057
-ls that a "yes"?
-Yeah. Yes.

346
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:47,516
[CHlLDREN GlGGLE]

347
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:51,652
People, please, pipe down.
Having a precious moment.

348
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,160
[SlGHS]

349
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,825
When did you get this ring?

350
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,102
About two weeks after I met you.

351
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:07,673
Look at me. I'm gonna be a best man.

352
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,583
[PEOPLE MURMURlNG
THEN GLASS CLlNKS]

353
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,388
If someone would've told me a year ago--

354
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,583
Seven months.

355
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:27,556
--seven months ago, that I'd be standing
up here next to this incredible woman...

356
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:31,601
...an engaged man and 8 pounds lighter,
I never would have believed them.

357
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,601
I mean, 4 pounds, maybe, but....

358
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:39,808
Anyway, we just wanna thank you for
coming and sharing this moment with us.

359
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,840
JOYCE:
Hear, hear.

360
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:47,583
So when's the wedding?

361
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,588
What's the matter with you?
You got shrapnel in your noggin?

362
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:57,286
I'm thinking next spring, sunset,
Lincoln Park, when the azaleas are in bloom.

363
00:19:57,462 --> 00:20:00,625
But with an indoor option
in case of inclement weather.

364
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,892
Or rain.

365
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:06,003
Hey, me and Red are gonna tie the knot
near an active volcano...

366
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,695
...on the island of Kauai.

367
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,340
Maybe they'd throw us a twofer.

368
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,170
Oh, a double wedding with my daughter.

369
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,403
I've always dreamed of that.

370
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:16,980
Really? That's a very peculiar dream.

371
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,816
[ALL MURMURlNG]

372
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,784
PEGGY:
You gotta keep your piehole shut.

373
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:28,486
-I know.
JOYCE: I'd like....

374
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,651
DENNlS:
I'm sorry, Margaret.

375
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:35,156
-I love you, Mike.
-I love you, Molly.

376
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,420
[English - US - SDH]