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Previously on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
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You never get wheels
then you never
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get to have fun in the back seat.
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00:00:04,916 --> 00:00:06,148
Amy, I completely
understand if you
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00:00:06,182 --> 00:00:09,685
never wanna see me again.
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Think she's
a keeper or a clunker?
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Definitely a keeper.
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00:00:16,098 --> 00:00:19,000
Today is the worst
day of the year.
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Most kids can't wait
for their 16th birthday.
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Then again, most kids
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don't have to deal
with Max Owens.
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[Deep voice] Don't move.
Empty your pockets.
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[Normal voice]
Happy Birthday!
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- It's the big 1-6.
- Thank you.
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So what's with the hoodie?
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You tryin' to hide from me?
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No, it's just...
I really hate my birthday.
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But you're turning 16,
it's supposed to be sweet.
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00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:54,749
And besides, I have a really
special gift for you tonight.
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Hint-hint,
it comes in a box.
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As half-mast as I am
at the thought of that,
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I just am really trying
to get through the day
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without being humiliated.
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Humiliated by what?
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Aah!
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- Oh!
- Oh, no.
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All: [Laughing]
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You think I'd forget your
birthday, did you, tubesteak?
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Don't worry, you're gonna get
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the Max-imum torture
Count Freak-ula!
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[Blows out air]
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Whoo! Owens!
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Tell me that's flour.
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Medicated foot powder.
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Dude, Happy Bi...
What?
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00:01:32,795 --> 00:01:33,996
Oh!
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That's why Max wanted
your locker combination.
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Stupid!
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My name is RJ Berger.
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And I hate my [bleep] birthday.
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Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
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Gotta give Max some credit.
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He put a lot of work
into that prank.
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Actually, that's pretty tame
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as far as Max's
birthday gifts go.
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Wait, this has happened before?
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Well...
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Not exactly.
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All: Happy, Happy Birthday!
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In the first grade,
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Max knew I was
terrified of clowns.
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Happy Birthday!
I'm gonna kill you!
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All: [Laughing]
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In the fifth grade, I got to
bring my pet hamster Magneto
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to school for the day.
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Give me that.
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Three-pointer!
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Magneto!
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[Glass breaking]
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[Laughing]
Nuthin' but net!
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And who can forget...
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Eighth grade.
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Whoa!
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[Loud fart]
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[Whimpering]
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Blow that out, loser.
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[Laughing]
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So why don't you
put an end to it?
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He's a force of nature, Amy.
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There's nothing I can do
but just ride out the storm.
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- Yup.
- Wow.
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What happened to the cute,
confident kid
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I fell for in the library?
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RJ, these things happen to you
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because you let them
happen to you.
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You wanna bone down?
Then man up.
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Wow.
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I kinda like this girl.
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Great.
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Now I lost my shot
at birthday sex with Amy.
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Looks like I'll be the only one
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washing white stuff
off their face today.
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Yeah, that was
never gonna happen.
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What?
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Look, no offense, RJ.
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But you're like
the boy who cried vagina.
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- Enlighten me.
- Okay.
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Every time a girl... ahem,
Jenny Swanson, ahem,
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says tonight's the night,
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it's not.
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Berger!
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You have a visitor.
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Um, what are you doing here?
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There's my birthday boy.
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I just came by to drop off
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these excaliboar cupcakes
I stayed up all night baking.
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Mom, thank you,
but I'm not seven.
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I'm in the middle of gym class.
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Sorry, honey.
Jeriba let me in.
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Didn't you?
Yeah.
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Oh, just look at him.
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And to think that
only ten years ago
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he was sucking on these puppies
like a junkie on a crackpipe.
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- Mm.
- Those are my crackpipes now.
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- Yes, they are.
- Heh-heh!
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Wait, you were still
breastfeeding at six?
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All right.
Mom, time to go.
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All right, all right, I'm off.
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Mwah.
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I love you, my little angel.
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And I'll see you later
my little devil.
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Oh, yes, you will.
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Wanna try one of
these before I go?
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Have a taste.
Yeah, I'll have a taste.
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Have a taste.
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Get her, coach!
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Well, it's official.
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This is the worst
birthday of my life.
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First Max tortures me,
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then my mom humiliates me.
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And now Amy thinks I'm a pussy!
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All: RJ, you are a pussy.
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Thanks, guys, you always
know how to cheer me up.
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Hey, yo.
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How about we throw a party?
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You're turning 16, dog.
This is your time.
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All right, forget about Max
for a little while
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and just get crazy.
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How about we all throw
an anti-Max freak fest?
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You know, rub it
in his face, homie!
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Dude, that's genius.
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Imagine having a party
filled with everyone but Max.
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All the people he's ever hurt
or bullied over all the years.
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I'm talking the geeks, emos,
stoners, his ex-girlfriends.
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Everyone comes together and
celebrates their hatred for Max.
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- And Robin.
- That's my bitch!
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Word, we'd all come to that, dog.
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Yeah, that sounds amazing,
but it's suicide.
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The second Max
hears about it, he'll...
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He'll humiliate you?
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Beat you up?
He already does that, RJ.
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And don't forget
the birthday sex.
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You know, Max has
tormented me for 16 years.
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Tonight, it's his turn.
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We're having us a party.
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And Max is not invited.
I can make flyers.
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- I'll decorate.
- I'll bring the crew.
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Sounds like you're
about to have your cake
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and [bleep] it, too.
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00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,598
- [Laughing]
- Whoo!
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00:05:54,442 --> 00:05:56,376
Hey, birthday boy.
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00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:58,179
Big plans tonight?
Actually, yeah.
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I'm thinking about
having a birthday party.
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Oh, heck.
You oughta throw it at my place.
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My neighbors keep asking me
if I'm looking for a good time.
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I don't think
that's what they mean.
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Oh, this'll be great, yeah!
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I'll get you a keg,
and you can invite
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as many people as you want.
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I can get you and Amy
a discounted rate on a room,
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huh? Huh? RJ likey?
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RJ would likey, if Amy
hadn't called him a pussy
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who needs to grow a pair.
Hmm.
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The best thing about being a dad,
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is watching your son learn one of
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the fundamental
truths of scoring.
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It's a tale as old as time.
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When the booty calls,
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you gotta have balls.
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What are the chances
of you getting me into
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the assistant principal's office?
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So Jenny's on publicity,
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and, Miles,
you'll be on security.
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Cool.
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[Loudspeaker feedback]
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[Over loudspeaker]
Just push this button.
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00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,636
And when the light
turns red, it's on.
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[Over loudspeaker]
All right, thanks, got it.
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Ahem!
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Attention, Pinkerton High.
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My name is RJ Berger.
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And today, I'm turning 16.
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Oh, that's my boy!
[Laughing]
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[Over loudspeaker]
To celebrate, I'd like to
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00:06:55,451 --> 00:06:57,553
invite you all to
my birthday party.
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Where we'll be honoring
Pinkerton's biggest douche bag,
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Max Owens.
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Boy has got a death wish.
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[Over loudspeaker]
We'll be serving up live music,
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00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:11,405
cold beverages,
and the Max-imum revenge.
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00:07:11,439 --> 00:07:14,108
So if you hate Max
as much as I do,
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then come to the No-Tell Motel
tonight at 8:00 P.M.
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00:07:17,614 --> 00:07:20,517
for the first-ever Max Bash!
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00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:23,354
And, Max, you're not invited.
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[Over loudspeaker]
Nice work, son.
196
00:07:24,657 --> 00:07:25,691
[Over loudspeaker]
Dad, uh, release the button.
197
00:07:25,725 --> 00:07:26,792
[Over loudspeaker]
Oh, yeah, okay.
198
00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:28,262
What the hell was that?
A Max bash?
199
00:07:28,296 --> 00:07:29,363
Berger's a dead man.
200
00:07:29,398 --> 00:07:31,500
Hey, every dog has his day.
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00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,103
That's statistics, bro.
Yeah?
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00:07:34,138 --> 00:07:35,372
Well, I got a statistic for you.
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00:07:35,406 --> 00:07:37,642
1000%.
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00:07:37,676 --> 00:07:38,877
That's how many times
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00:07:38,911 --> 00:07:41,681
we're gonna destroy
this dork convention.
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00:07:41,715 --> 00:07:43,684
God, I love it when you're cruel.
207
00:07:43,805 --> 00:07:45,740
[Hard rock music]
208
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:48,242
[All groaning]
209
00:07:48,276 --> 00:07:50,144
- Ew!
- Gross.
210
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:53,180
Ugh.
211
00:07:54,856 --> 00:07:55,830
♪ We're never gonna be as young ♪
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00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:56,874
♪ as we are today ♪
213
00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:58,253
Pin the tail on the douche bag.
214
00:07:58,288 --> 00:08:00,440
Come to the Max bash
tonight at 8:00 P.M.
215
00:08:00,474 --> 00:08:02,459
at the No-Tell Motel.
216
00:08:02,493 --> 00:08:04,680
Beer, cake, revenge!
217
00:08:04,714 --> 00:08:06,126
8:00 P.M.!
218
00:08:06,161 --> 00:08:07,674
Dude, this is unbelievable.
219
00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:09,997
These are going faster than lube
at the Jonas Brothers' house.
220
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,285
This party's gonna
be off the chain!
221
00:08:12,319 --> 00:08:14,978
RJ.
222
00:08:15,012 --> 00:08:16,391
All right, I'll catch you later.
223
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:17,804
What is going on?
224
00:08:17,839 --> 00:08:19,318
Did you miss my announcement
over the pa system?
225
00:08:19,354 --> 00:08:20,530
I guess so,
I was in band rehearsal.
226
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,179
We tend to get a teensy bit loud.
227
00:08:22,215 --> 00:08:23,727
Wait, I'm sorry.
You're in a band?
228
00:08:23,763 --> 00:08:25,578
Uh, yeah, don't I seem
like I'd be in a band?
229
00:08:25,613 --> 00:08:27,060
That's amazing.
230
00:08:27,094 --> 00:08:29,079
You can play at
the party tonight.
231
00:08:29,114 --> 00:08:32,679
The Max Bash?
RJ, this is awesome!
232
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,789
Of course we'll play.
233
00:08:33,825 --> 00:08:36,246
It'll be our first real gig.
234
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,805
[Chuckling]
235
00:08:38,839 --> 00:08:40,016
- You little bitch!
- Aah!
236
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,531
You think you could just dis me
237
00:08:41,565 --> 00:08:43,011
in front of the whole school?
Leave him alone, asshole!
238
00:08:43,046 --> 00:08:44,458
I'm gonna make you wish
you never had a birthday.
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00:08:44,492 --> 00:08:46,040
God damn it, Owens!
Get your ass in the gym
240
00:08:46,075 --> 00:08:47,554
before I put you in detention!
241
00:08:47,589 --> 00:08:52,500
- Who's side are you on, coach?
- Gym, now!
242
00:08:52,535 --> 00:08:56,370
This is not over, Berger.
243
00:08:56,404 --> 00:09:01,079
[Foreign accent]
Ay! I do nothing.
244
00:09:01,115 --> 00:09:02,560
Thanks.
245
00:09:02,595 --> 00:09:04,209
You didn't need to do that.
246
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,743
Yeah, well, I gotta look out
for my number one son, right?
247
00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:09,560
You know, uh, I was thinking.
248
00:09:09,594 --> 00:09:11,478
Maybe Susie and I
might stop by tonight.
249
00:09:11,512 --> 00:09:14,607
Oh, well, you know.
The party's at my dad's hotel.
250
00:09:14,643 --> 00:09:15,886
Mm-hmm.
251
00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:17,839
So, you know,
probably not the best idea.
252
00:09:17,873 --> 00:09:19,218
I see.
253
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:22,247
Keeping your own mama away
from your birthday party.
254
00:09:22,282 --> 00:09:24,065
That's cold, brother.
255
00:09:24,099 --> 00:09:27,430
That's ice cold.
256
00:09:31,065 --> 00:09:34,833
I've gathered you here today
because you're the best.
257
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,827
Tonight, we'll be
going deep cover.
258
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:41,462
Glasses.
Ugly clothing.
259
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,750
And sandals.
260
00:09:43,785 --> 00:09:46,274
Our mission will begin here,
261
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:48,664
at exactly
zero-ten-hundred hours.
262
00:09:48,698 --> 00:09:50,447
- Huh?
- What?
263
00:09:50,481 --> 00:09:54,214
- 10:00 P.M.
- Oh.
264
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,839
Then, at 10:30 we will
infiltrate the dork party here.
265
00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:58,556
And execute
operation messer-upper
266
00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:00,071
with extreme prejudice.
267
00:10:00,105 --> 00:10:02,090
- It's on!
- Yeah!
268
00:10:02,124 --> 00:10:03,435
Once our mission is complete,
269
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,917
we will "ren-dez-venous"
270
00:10:04,951 --> 00:10:07,204
back here, at
approximately 11:00 P.M.
271
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:08,449
Wait, wait, wait.
272
00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:10,805
Where's there?
That's Robin's house.
273
00:10:10,839 --> 00:10:12,016
Her mom's making us chili.
274
00:10:12,051 --> 00:10:14,237
Chili.
Hey, hey, hey!
275
00:10:14,272 --> 00:10:15,617
Nice.
276
00:10:15,652 --> 00:10:19,184
But first, we're gonna
change Berger's birthday,
277
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,597
into his death day.
278
00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:23,020
[Laughing]
Death day.
279
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:26,419
That's a good one.
280
00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:33,790
[Siren]
281
00:10:33,824 --> 00:10:35,236
Hey!
282
00:10:35,271 --> 00:10:37,255
There's my birthday boy!
283
00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:38,737
[Laughing]
284
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,789
Welcome to your party, RJ.
285
00:10:40,824 --> 00:10:43,650
Hey, everybody,
come on out and meet my son!
286
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,467
- Hey, Ricky's son is here.
- Hi.
287
00:10:45,502 --> 00:10:46,847
This is my boy I've
been telling you about.
288
00:10:46,881 --> 00:10:48,529
It's his 16th birthday!
289
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,750
All, deep voices:
Happy Birthday!
290
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:54,719
- Thanks, ladies.
- Uh, they're not ladies, son.
291
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,748
So, um, you're
the only one setting up?
292
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:02,560
Let's break this place, bitches!
293
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:03,871
Whoo!
294
00:11:03,906 --> 00:11:06,731
All: Whoo!
295
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,640
Wow.
296
00:11:09,092 --> 00:11:12,061
[Hard rock music]
297
00:11:12,095 --> 00:11:17,833
♪ ♪
298
00:11:18,731 --> 00:11:21,100
♪ Happy Birthday, you bitch ♪
299
00:11:21,134 --> 00:11:22,901
♪ Happy Birthday, you bitch ♪
300
00:11:22,936 --> 00:11:25,070
♪ Happy Birthday, you bitch ♪
301
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:25,900
Check, check.
302
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,287
One, two, check, check.
303
00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:31,891
[Deep voice]
Hi, boys.
304
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,191
So what do you think?
305
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:35,360
Pre or post-op?
[Laughing]
306
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,362
Check, check.
One, two.
307
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,797
What?
308
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:40,865
Dude, there's a whole gaggle
309
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:42,499
of female
impersonators everywhere.
310
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,634
And that won't even
draw your eyes off of her.
311
00:11:44,668 --> 00:11:46,102
You must really
like this girl, huh?
312
00:11:46,136 --> 00:11:48,070
You like her, you like her!
313
00:11:48,105 --> 00:11:49,205
What's not to like?
314
00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:52,075
Amy's performing
at my birthday party.
315
00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:55,045
And then later I'm getting
my birthday present.
316
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:57,113
Right.
Which, knowing you,
317
00:11:57,148 --> 00:11:59,783
you'll find a way
to not have sex.
318
00:11:59,817 --> 00:12:01,518
All: Whoo!
319
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:02,686
What's up, what's up?
320
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,355
[Cheers and applause]
321
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:07,224
Welcome to the
Max Bash, party people!
322
00:12:07,258 --> 00:12:09,692
Yeah!
323
00:12:09,726 --> 00:12:11,894
We are Thunderstorm of Blood.
324
00:12:11,929 --> 00:12:14,163
Formerly known as The Tamponics.
325
00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:17,300
This one goes out
to my birthday boy.
326
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,035
Correction, my birthday man.
327
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:20,302
[Cheers and applause]
328
00:12:20,337 --> 00:12:23,004
RJ Berger.
329
00:12:23,038 --> 00:12:25,206
This one is called Puking Snake.
330
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,841
One, two, three, four!
331
00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:28,042
♪ ♪
332
00:12:28,076 --> 00:12:30,144
♪ This ain't no zoo, baby ♪
333
00:12:30,179 --> 00:12:31,846
♪ this ain't no zoo ♪
334
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,715
♪ what's a girl to do, baby ♪
335
00:12:33,749 --> 00:12:35,382
♪ with a snake like you ♪
336
00:12:35,416 --> 00:12:38,218
♪ you got me nervous, baby ♪
337
00:12:38,252 --> 00:12:40,054
♪ about to break ♪
338
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:41,155
♪ I gotta lose that ♪
339
00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:46,627
♪ that puking snake ♪
340
00:12:46,661 --> 00:12:50,731
♪ Happy Birthday ♪
341
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:53,901
♪ Max, you suck ♪
342
00:12:53,935 --> 00:12:59,138
♪ ♪
343
00:12:59,172 --> 00:13:01,040
This dress makes me
look like Rosie O'Donnell.
344
00:13:01,074 --> 00:13:02,908
Can we just hurry up
and get this over with?
345
00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:05,411
Chill, babe.
Timing's everything.
346
00:13:05,445 --> 00:13:09,348
Remember, everybody,
extreme loser torture.
347
00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:11,183
Freakin' absolute destruction.
348
00:13:11,217 --> 00:13:12,885
But you leave Berger for me.
349
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:14,253
And then we're going home.
350
00:13:14,288 --> 00:13:16,622
For chili.
[Laughing]
351
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:23,895
♪ Don't mess with the sink ♪
352
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,932
♪ don't play with the knobs ♪
353
00:13:26,966 --> 00:13:28,067
♪ just get in the stall ♪
354
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,401
Whoo!
355
00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:30,869
Oh!
356
00:13:30,903 --> 00:13:32,003
Nice shot!
357
00:13:32,038 --> 00:13:34,005
You busted his knee
and tore his sack.
358
00:13:34,039 --> 00:13:35,006
Whoo!
359
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,105
Next?
360
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,908
♪ I'm a back to front wiper ♪
361
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:41,711
♪ a back to front wiper ♪
362
00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:45,315
[Cheers and applause]
363
00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:47,150
Thank you, thank you.
364
00:13:47,184 --> 00:13:48,784
That little ditty was called
back to front wiper.
365
00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:50,019
Whoo!
366
00:13:50,053 --> 00:13:51,520
So now you've heard
two of our three songs.
367
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:53,155
But before we
play you our finale,
368
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,390
I'd like to invite
369
00:13:54,424 --> 00:13:57,459
the patron saint of
Max-bashing to the stage!
370
00:13:57,494 --> 00:14:02,364
[Cheers and applause]
371
00:14:02,398 --> 00:14:05,066
Here's to you, RJ Berger.
You manned up.
372
00:14:05,101 --> 00:14:08,804
[Crowd chanting] RJ, RJ, RJ, RJ!
373
00:14:08,838 --> 00:14:10,806
You know what happens later.
374
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,775
Thank you, Amy.
375
00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:14,142
I would like to say a few words
376
00:14:14,176 --> 00:14:16,244
about my son, RJ.
377
00:14:16,278 --> 00:14:17,745
Oh, great.
378
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,281
Gosh, I still remember the
night that he was conceived.
379
00:14:20,315 --> 00:14:22,917
16 years and 9 months ago.
380
00:14:22,951 --> 00:14:23,951
All right, dad.
Thank you.
381
00:14:23,986 --> 00:14:25,086
It was amazing.
382
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,454
Aw!
383
00:14:27,488 --> 00:14:29,122
Suzanne and I were in
the back of a station wagon.
384
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:31,757
I'd forgotten my condoms.
Went raw, dog!
385
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:33,926
[Cheers and applause]
386
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,729
And that's how RJ, uh...
387
00:14:36,763 --> 00:14:37,962
Well, and there she is, folks.
388
00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:39,964
My wife, Suzanne Berger.
389
00:14:39,998 --> 00:14:43,600
- Mom?
- With another man.
390
00:14:43,635 --> 00:14:46,036
[Crowd oohs]
391
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:48,338
But she is RJ's mother,
392
00:14:48,373 --> 00:14:49,506
Suzanne, would you
like to come up here
393
00:14:49,541 --> 00:14:51,408
and say a few words
about your son?
394
00:14:51,442 --> 00:14:54,979
[Cheers and applause]
395
00:14:55,013 --> 00:14:56,781
There you go.
396
00:14:56,815 --> 00:14:58,616
Thank you everyone
for being here,
397
00:14:58,651 --> 00:14:59,885
thank you so much.
398
00:14:59,919 --> 00:15:02,787
I remember the night
that Rick was talking about.
399
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:05,724
And it was magical.
400
00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:06,725
Explosive, even.
401
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,027
Okay, mom, thank you.
402
00:15:08,061 --> 00:15:09,462
We'd been experimenting
with tantric orgasm.
403
00:15:09,496 --> 00:15:11,363
Let the eggs fly!
404
00:15:11,398 --> 00:15:13,399
- Oh!
- Whoa, hey!
405
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:16,802
Let the real
Max-bashing begin!
406
00:15:16,836 --> 00:15:19,805
[Hard rock music]
407
00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:22,875
[Crowd screaming and yelling]
408
00:15:24,844 --> 00:15:26,178
[Screaming]
409
00:15:28,414 --> 00:15:31,083
[Screaming]
410
00:15:37,625 --> 00:15:38,926
Suzanne.
411
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,729
Let's roll.
412
00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:47,434
Thank you.
Thank you, Rick.
413
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:48,869
- Come on.
- Go, go, go!
414
00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:52,104
Let's go.
415
00:15:52,138 --> 00:15:56,575
[Screaming]
416
00:15:58,110 --> 00:16:01,378
You're dead, birthday boy.
417
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:02,880
I'm not a boy.
418
00:16:02,914 --> 00:16:03,881
Come on, RJ.
Hurry up.
419
00:16:03,915 --> 00:16:06,416
No!
I've had enough of this!
420
00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:07,951
What did you call me?
421
00:16:07,985 --> 00:16:09,753
I called you birthday boy!
422
00:16:09,787 --> 00:16:11,020
What is your problem!?
423
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:14,457
You've been picking
on me for 16 years.
424
00:16:14,492 --> 00:16:16,192
I'm tired of it, it ends tonight.
425
00:16:16,227 --> 00:16:19,362
It ends when I say it ends.
426
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:20,463
Do you see all these people?
427
00:16:20,497 --> 00:16:23,300
Staring at you?
428
00:16:23,334 --> 00:16:26,904
They are all here tonight
because they hate you.
429
00:16:26,939 --> 00:16:29,706
Because you're a bully
and a [bleep] [beep]hole!
430
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:30,807
That's enough, Max!
431
00:16:30,841 --> 00:16:32,408
Not in our parking lot, bitch!
432
00:16:32,443 --> 00:16:33,976
Yeah!
433
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,678
If anybody's gonna be pounding
high school boys around here,
434
00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:36,779
it's us.
435
00:16:36,813 --> 00:16:38,581
- Mm-hmm.
- This is not over, Berger.
436
00:16:38,615 --> 00:16:41,816
I ruined your party,
I ruined your birthday.
437
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:43,984
And the next time I see you,
438
00:16:44,018 --> 00:16:46,653
I'm gonna ruin
the rest of your life.
439
00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:50,557
Back off.
440
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,727
Whew!
441
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,128
You're dead.
442
00:16:55,163 --> 00:16:57,131
- Wow, girls, thank you.
- Thanks.
443
00:16:57,165 --> 00:17:00,801
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, actually I am.
444
00:17:00,835 --> 00:17:02,837
Oh, my God,
you got egg on your face.
445
00:17:02,871 --> 00:17:03,871
I'm so sorry.
446
00:17:03,906 --> 00:17:05,072
Are you kidding me?
447
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,840
I got eggs thrown at me
at my first show,
448
00:17:06,874 --> 00:17:08,542
it's like I'm in a real band.
449
00:17:08,576 --> 00:17:11,044
It was fun.
While it lasted.
450
00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:12,145
Fun's not over yet.
451
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:16,316
There's still
my birthday present.
452
00:17:17,030 --> 00:17:21,100
Oh, that was intense.
453
00:17:21,134 --> 00:17:23,837
Way to stand your ground, dog.
454
00:17:34,778 --> 00:17:38,909
Happy Birthday, RJ.
455
00:17:38,943 --> 00:17:39,975
Amy...
456
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:43,042
Shut up
and blow out your candles.
457
00:17:43,076 --> 00:17:46,174
[Giggling]
458
00:17:48,142 --> 00:17:50,274
You make a wish?
459
00:17:50,308 --> 00:17:51,641
Yup.
460
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,641
Did it come true?
461
00:17:53,675 --> 00:17:56,507
It's about to.
462
00:17:56,541 --> 00:18:00,841
♪ I know this is
starting to be undeniable ♪
463
00:18:03,409 --> 00:18:07,541
♪ and I know this baby's
starting to feel ♪
464
00:18:07,575 --> 00:18:10,973
♪ like a little bit
of you and me ♪
465
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:14,172
Do you have any condoms?
466
00:18:14,206 --> 00:18:17,205
That is my favorite question.
467
00:18:17,239 --> 00:18:19,604
And the answer is yes.
468
00:18:40,403 --> 00:18:42,102
Wow, it's true.
469
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:45,468
You really are RJ Berger.
470
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,431
[Gasping] Ooh!
471
00:19:00,465 --> 00:19:01,431
Oh, no.
I'm so sorry.
472
00:19:01,465 --> 00:19:04,397
[Laughing]
Oh, my God... oh!
473
00:19:04,432 --> 00:19:06,997
Nice one!
474
00:19:11,896 --> 00:19:13,995
[Giggling]
475
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,493
[Both moaning]
476
00:19:32,526 --> 00:19:33,991
After my stomach stops tingling,
477
00:19:34,026 --> 00:19:37,192
we're totally doing that again.
478
00:19:39,926 --> 00:19:41,091
Evening, Berger.
Amy.
479
00:19:41,126 --> 00:19:43,258
[Screaming]
Coach, what are you doing?
480
00:19:43,292 --> 00:19:45,257
Take it easy!
Just getting a couple of towels.
481
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,625
Clean your mama up.
482
00:19:47,659 --> 00:19:51,624
Both: [Laughing]
483
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:52,724
My name is RJ Berger.
484
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,148
And not even that
can ruin this birthday.
485
00:19:56,268 --> 00:19:59,179
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
486
00:19:59,311 --> 00:20:01,772
Next on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger...
487
00:20:01,790 --> 00:20:03,622
Vote Max and Robin!
488
00:20:03,772 --> 00:20:06,294
Vote the Non-Douchebag Party!
489
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:06,786
What the hell?
490
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:08,441
Why is my name
on this with Jenny?
491
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,954
You got nominated.
492
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,197
One minute you tell me
you love me
493
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:12,163
and the next you're running
494
00:20:12,314 --> 00:20:13,831
in some stupid competition
with your ex?
495
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,878
I have some exciting news.
496
00:20:16,072 --> 00:20:18,232
- Is dad moving in?
- Ta-da!
497
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,886
- Holy Jeribus!
- That's my boy!