FRASIER: So, Sam, uh,
you and Diane are back together,
just like that, after six years of separation.
Six years of growing and evolving and self-discovery,
deciding what we want from life
and realizing that we don't have it.
SAM: Yeah, besides, uh,
last night, we both discovered
we still like... the same desserts.
Yeah, anyway, what the hell, you know?
I've always wanted to live in California.
(murmurs of surprise and shock)
You leaving us, Sam?
Well, yeah, Woody.
Yeah, I am. You know?
It's time for me to move on, you know?
Face new challenges and-and Diane said she'd get me a job
at the juice bar in her health club.
FRASIER: Well, I had no idea you had such exciting prospects.
By all means go for it, Sam!
Here's kiwi in your eye!
WOODY: So, uh, Sam, what are you gonna do about the bar?
Well, I thought I'd let Rebecca run it for a while,
then, afterwards, I'll sell what's left for kindling.
SAM: Aw, come on, you guys!
Lighten up, man. That's a joke.
FRASIER: Sam, can I ask you a question?
And I mean this as a caring, supportive friend.
Have you lost your freaking mind?!
What are you talking about?
The two of you had a relationship whose best moments
were full of anguish and self-loathing.
After ten hours with this woman,
you want to give up your life, your livelihood,
and move with her to California?!
Hey, you want to get off my case, fellas?
You know, I think you're turning on me
'cause I just want to get my life going here.
I mean, look at me: What've I got?
No family, no future, nothing to look forward to.
CARLA: Sammy...
I can't believe this is happening.
Yeah, I can't either, Carla.
Yeah, after all the cheer leading I've done for you guys,
even when I knew you were making mistakes.
Oh, so you want us to return the favour?
Yes, yes, I do...
And I'm not making a mistake.
NORM: Sammy...
what's gonna happen to us?
Come on, you guys.
I mean, all you fellas do
is just sit there and watch the world go by.
You don't need me for that.
I want to get off the bench, you know?
I want to get in the game.
So, you just gonna desert us?
You gonna just walk out, like a traitor?
A traitor?
I need more than this!
You know, you should need more than this!
I am not your mother!
This is not your home!
This is ridiculous.
Come on, let's just get out of here, you know?
We got a plane to catch.
Thank you very much for all your best wishes, fellas,
and for making it clear that I'm doing the right thing.
Come on, sweetheart.
I'm sorry, everyone.
This is the best for Sam, believe me.
(door shuts)
I gave that man the best years of my life.
CLIFF: Yeah...
We'll get along without him.
Sure...
life goes on.
Oh, Sam, you're not still thinking about
what those people said at the bar, are you?
No, don't be silly. Furthest thing from my mind.
It does bug you, though, doesn't it?
The way they thought we didn't know what we were doing?
I mean, we know, right?
Damn right we know!
CAPTAIN (over P.A.): Evening, folks.
This is Captain McGovern.
I'm gonna ask the flight attendants
to prepare for departure now, if they would, please.
And as soon as we get clearance from the tower,
we'll be taking off.
Oh, Sam...
In a moment, we'll be off. Mm.
Isn't this the perfect beginning for our lives together?
Taking flight.
Speeding down the runway side by side,
until we lift from the ground,
leaving far beneath us the tedium of ordinary life,
to soar into the bright, unlimited future.
You ever hear of the Mile-High Club?
Oh, Sam, naughty-naughty.
They give you bonus points for it.
CAPTAIN (over P.A.): Folks, this is your captain again.
Sorry, but we're gonna be delayed
here on the tarmac for a bit.
We're having a minor problem with our electrical system,
and we'll need some time to check it out.
By the way, Sam, you might want to take advantage of this delay
to reconsider what you're doing.
Are you really in love with this woman
or are you trying to love her because you're afraid
of ending up alone?
Think about it.
Did you just hear that?
What?
What the captain said to me.
To you?!
He said they were having trouble with the electrical system.
Why do you think he was talking to you personally?
Oh, boy.
Oh, Sam.
Aw, this is going to be so great.
Mm.
You're going to love Los Angeles.
I won't pretend it's a modern-day Athens but...
at least you'll feel free there,
feel free to explore your own...
ATTENDANT (over P.A.): Ladies and gentlemen, this is your flight attendant.
On behalf of your flight crew,
I'd like to apologize for this delay.
We'll be coming around the cabin
to make sure you have everything you need.
And, for God's sake, Diane,
you're a bright, alluring woman
with a great deal to offer mankind.
Will this man stimulate your gift
or be an anchor, pulling you
to the bottom of the sea of mediocrity?
A fair question.
I'm sorry- what is?
Uh, nothing.
These seats are a little tight, aren't they?
Yeah... yeah.
Well, you know, it's been a long time
since I've flown first class.
I guess I remember it being more comfortable.
Yeah, so do I.
I guess I remember life being more comfortable.
(jet engines revving)
Ah...
We should've flown another airline, you know.
(clears throat)
Well, it's too late for that.
It doesn't make any sense to rethink a decision
that's already made.
Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right.
A commitment is a commitment.
We wouldn't want to change things if we could.
CAPTAIN (over P.A.): I'm sorry folks, but I'm afraid
we're gonna be returning to the terminal.
We'll have you disembark
and arrange for you to take an alternate flight.
Maybe we're being a little overcautious,
but we don't want to make a mistake
about something this important.
Sorry.
Hey...
You know...
Yes.
I think we both know.
Good night, ladies. Thanks again.
Do you believe those three?
In here every night trying to trap guys.
Yeah, yeah... yeah, you'd never see any wife of mine showing her face in some bar.
Yeah.
She'd make more money in a sideshow.
Sam!
What are you doing here?
Well, we changed our minds.
I'm not going to L.A.
Well, where is Diane?
Probably over Kansas by now.
The important thing is we came to our senses.
I knew you would, Sam.
Yeah.
Yeah, what do you got there, Sam?
Something I've been holding onto for a while, Woody.
Uh, I thought maybe it was time to open it up.
Oh, my! A box of fine Cuban cigars.
CLIFF: Uh, Sammy...
I assume you realize that those are illegal in this country.
Shut up, Cliff.
Aye, aye.
You know, I was hoping you guys would, uh, join me
in a smoke session tonight.
You know, kind of a welcome home party.
Cliffie, what do you say, man?
Buddy, I'd love to stay, but geez, it's getting late.
I better beg off.
Oh, all right.
How 'bout you, Norm?
Can't, Sammy- I came to the conclusion
I've wasted too much time in this bar,
like a couple of decades.
Gonna go home to Vera.
SAM: Vera?
My wife.
Maybe you remember her?
That is her name, isn't it?
See ya.
Well, Carla, what do you say, huh?
Nah. My shift's over.
I've got to get home to the kids.
Appreciate the thought. Maybe another time.
Doc, help me out here, man.
You want a fine cigar?
Huh? I'd love to, Sam,
but Lilith just called
and she wants me to bring home Chinese tonight.
I...
I hope she meant the food.
She's been really weird lately and... you know.
W-Woody, wait a minute, man. What about you?
Aw... can't Sam. I gotta leave right away.
Why?
Carla's my ride.
Well, I'll give you a lift.
What-What's going on here?
Why's everyone leaving?
Come on, Sam.
It's not like this is our home.
Hmm.
Oh, man.
Gotcha!
(all shouting, laughing)
Pull out those smokes, Sam!
Let's fumigate the place!
Oh, you guys.
Diane called us with the bad news,
so we thought we'd come cheer you up, Sam.
Oh, man, I thought it was something, you know, I had said earlier might about Australia.
No, Sam, you got to go a lot farther than that to insult us, eh?
Besides, we knew that you were going through a lot of trouble lately.
We're here for you, Sammy, as long as you need us.
All except for Peterson, who has to get up in the morning.
You really know how to sink a party, don't you, Woody?
Here's your bus schedule.
When are you up for re-election?
(scoffs)
Can you believe it?
I forgot our plane tickets.
Oh, oh, oh.
Sam, I'm glad you're here.
Listen, I wanted to tell you.
I really, really like Diane.
And I know you guys are gonna have a wonderful life together.
Diane and I are finished, honey.
Ding-dong, saved by the bell.
Well, I'm off
on my honeymoon.
Good-bye, you guys.
Oh, and, I just want to tell you that, um, the days that I had
here at Cheers were the, they were the best days of my life.
Really?
Ew.
SAM: Wh-what are you saying?
You're not gonna come back and see us anymore?
No, I will, every now and then, you know.
But I-I'm married now.
I-I can't just hang out in a bar all day long.
I mean, I-I have my place in the community.
Hey, by the way, did I tell you?
Don got a job offer with the sewer department.
Keep your fingers crossed for us.
Can you believe that?
I shoot for Donald Trump, and I end up with Ed Norton.
But you did good, Rebecca.
I did, didn't I?
(gasps)
(giggles): Bye.
See you, Trixie.
You know, Sam. Hmm?
You really scared us there before.
Hmm.
When you walked out of here today,
I thought it was the last we'd ever see of you.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry about blowing up like that.
I hope you understand where that was coming from.
That's all right, Sammy.
We understand.
Here you are a washed-up ballplayer,
alcohol problem.
Sex problem.
Lost your one true love.
Twice.
No apology necessary.
Ah.
Yeah, who was I kidding, you know?
Coming in here and telling you guys you don't have lives.
I guess I was really talking about myself.
God, the irony.
Irony.
ALL: Irony.
One by one, I seem to be losing
my, uh... thrills
and, uh, tingles, you know?
I keep asking myself,
"What-what is the point to life?"
Whoo, that's a tough question.
Yeah.
Eh.
Well, I got the answer.
Somehow, I knew you would.
Comfortable shoes.
Shoes?
Yeah, if you're not wearing comfortable shoes,
life is just chaos.
I mean, the greatest accomplishments in history
have been made by men wearing accommodating shoes.
Uh, Frasier, tell me,
who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?
I don't know, uh, Aristotle.
There you go.
Sandals.
Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is.
You hardly even know you have them on.
I mean, Confucius, thongs.
Einstein, loose loafers.
Wow.
I'll tell you what the point of life is:
Having kids.
Creating life.
Sure, it's disappointing and painful,
heartbreaking at times.
Sure, they can drive you crazy and make you think
you just can't get through another day.
Where was I going with this?
You know, some would say that the search for meaning
is a, a waste of time,
that all human life is just a cosmic accident,
an arbitrary conglomeration of
molecules evolved by chance
into an organism with a brain stem,
condemning it to ponder, futilely,
the reason behind it all.
I know Dr. Crane is just trying
to keep the conversation lively...
All I know is my life would have been nothing
if it weren't for all of you.
You people are as dear to me as my own family.
More so, in fact.
Really, Woody? Oh, yeah.
Well, for one thing, none of you call me Huckleberry.
I hate being called Huckleberry.
That's your nickname, Wood?
No, Woody is.
Well...
I hate to get all mushy, but I got to say
I feel pretty lucky to have the friends I do.
Ah.
You know, no one wants to be the first to say it,
but I'm not ashamed to admit
what I think we're all feeling.
Time goes by... so fast.
People move in and out of your life.
You must never miss an opportunity to tell these people
how much they mean to you.
Well, I...
I...
I keep coming back to that shoe thing.
(phone rings)
Ooh, that's Vera.
That's Lilith. Probably Kelly.
Could be Ma. My kids.
Say, you know what, wait, don't answer it.
Just let whoever it is think that
we're on our way. Which is exactly
where we should be.
(phone stops ringing)
Hey, uh,
thanks for the Perfecto, Sammy. Yeah.
Thanks for staying guys.
Same to you.
Wouldn't be the same without you, Sam.
CLIFF: Yep.
Whatever guy follows you, Sam,
has some pretty big shoes to fill.
Did you hear that?
Thus, it all returns to footwear.
Night, you guys.
You know, I still keep thinking though, uh,
you know, I want some kind of change in my life.
You know something?
I hate change.
I mean, you know,
every day, you wake up, something's changed.
Everything's just changing so fast.
I like things to stay the way they are, you know?
I like things you can count on.
You know, you just gave me something to think about, Woody.
Oh, I'm sorry, Sam.
I hate it when somebody does that to me.
Bye, Woody.
Night, Sam.
Sammy,
I didn't want to say this in front of the others,
but you know what I think
the most important thing in life is?
It's love.
You want to know what I love?
Beer, Norm?
Yeah, I'll have a quick one.
Know what, Sammy, I love that stool!
If there's a heaven,
I don't want to go there unless my stool is waiting for me.
And I'll tell you what, even God better not be on it.
He wouldn't...
he wouldn't dare.
(sighs)
I don't think it matters what you love, Sammy.
Could be a person, could be a thing.
As long as you love it totally,
completely, without judgment.
Know what I think?
I think you ought to go home and wake up Vera
with a big kiss and then (sighs)
do what comes naturally.
Wake her up so she can watch me eat a bucket of buffalo wings?
Yeah, well, maybe not.
(sighs)
Well, I'm off.
(sighs)
But, um, Sammy, can I let you in on a little secret?
Sure.
I knew you'd come back.
You did?
You can never be unfaithful to your one true love.
You always come back to her.
Who is that?
Think about it, Sam.
(chuckles softly)
Boy, I'll tell you...
I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth.
(footsteps approaching)
(knocking)
Sorry, we're closed.