(John H.) All right, America.
Let's play big balls. (Woman) Aah!
America, e pluribus unum! Aah!
(John A.) That's right.
24 competitors are about to hit the field...
Time for a cheeseburger.
And fall headlong. Into a battle for $50,000...
Aah!
Is my hair still on?
On the world's most extraordinary obstacle course.
- Aah! We'll see magnificent falls,
astonishing spills, and sensational tumbles.
Only our mightiest three will advance
to the most challenging obstacle of all...
The Wipeout Zone.
The epic competition begins now.
One will become a champion,
but all will... Wipeout.
(Woman) How did I get into this?
Hello, America, I'm John Anderson,
here again with John Henson.
Welcome to "Wipeout," where we're all winners.
True enough. Anybody willing to run our summer course is indeed a winner.
That's right. The only difference is
one of the winners wins and gets 50 grand
while the other winners lose and get nothing.
It is so sad that I understand exactly what you meant.
We have 24 brave contestants ready to battle it out
for that $50,000, but first, they have to face the qualifier.
It all starts today with the Wipeout wall.
It looks just like a harmless, mild-mannered sign.
Mm. Looks that way, doesn't it?
Then it's on to the driver's Ed... where the training wheels are off.
After that, it's the big balls with a brand-new motivator.
Hey, any friend of the big balls is a friend of mine.
We follow that up with the jiggle-ator.
Personally, I hope it jiggles sooner rather than later.
And finally, it's a showdown at the double barrel.
You got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky?
Wow, this is gonna be better than the summer I spent... (Laughs)
At a youth hostel with Madeleine Albright. What was that like?
Eh, she's not much on youth, but boy, is she hostile.
All righty. Let's kick things off
with the third member of our "Wipeout" team.
Yoo-hoo! I was talking about Jill Wagner.
Yeah, well, ballsy needed a summer job,
so we made him a greeter. Mm-hmm.
Hello! Hello! Yeah, he's saving up for arms.
That's a smart move. Jill, take it away.
It's summertime, and our first contestant is on deck.
I am ppeped for an all-new course, Johnny,
and the first person on it is 24-year-old Brande Boone.
- I'm ready. I'm ready, let's do this. - Let's do it!
"Wipeout"... not for me. I'm not gonna do it.
What? She's not gonna do it?
- John, what dos all this mean? - Relax. Just blow the horn.
(Air horn owows) Phew. She was bluffing.
Whoopsie! Ohhoho ho, wow!
We're really dialed up to the degree of difficulty this summer, John.
She can't even walk without wiping out.
Hello! Seen and not heard, ballsy.
There it is, Johny. The Wipeout wall.
The sweeper arms... bad. Letters? Harmless. Ohh!
Well at least now
she needs keep her head up at all times.
Well, then I hope it's not attach to your head.
Buth this side is easy. There's... ohh!
Unbeliveble.
- Is my hair still on? - Yea I think it might have drened,
but is working for you, girlfriend
and you're just gonna love our next obstacle.
Wish ya all would have told me that "Wipeout" sign's come out
Stop lying to me.
They're not lies. My Nana called them unicorn wisperes.
Now go out there and make papa proud. (Feedback whines)
Man, she really isn't setting that course on fire, is she?
(Normal voice) Well amazing things come to those who wait...
like the cool new driver's Ed. Check it out.
Brande's made it there with.
Technically you're not wrong. Ohh! First out,
with all the lateses the un-safety features..
- With an all-new motivator. - Who neds motivation?!
She's so excited, she can hardly keep her wing on!
The babas look like they are in a great shape for summer.
Johnny, you know what time it is now... jiggle-ator time.
I got a feeling this is gonna be my favorite time of the day (Groaning)
And I am not wrong.
(Vibrating voice) This is awesome, John.
(Normal voice) I wish Brande could jiggle forever.
Aw! Aw! That's why mother nature created the replay, John.
(Groaning) She's got a great sense of humor.
One new obstacle left... The double barrel.
Name of the game here...
Hop in one barrel, then get to the final platform.
If not, a cold swim over to this finishing spot.
This is Brande's moment.
I gotta jump in that?
It's really not that hard. It looks a lot harder than it is.
Careful, Jill. That's almost a unicorn shout.
You got this. I really don't. I really want to stop.
And I want a face tattoo like Mike Tyson,
but what we want isn't always what's best. Brande!
Jill! Jump, Brande!
I'm sorry to let you down.
You cannot say that you're not gonna finish.
Don't do that to me, Brande!
Don't do that to me, either! I believed in you!
- I'm your cheerleader. - And I'm the wind beneath your wings.
Jill, I quit.
No!
Ugh, Brande. I'm done. Done!
I wanna see a double barrel!
(John A.) Patience, Johnny.
Here's 27-year-old Rachel Maurer.
She's headed toward the Wipeout wall. Hi, ballsy.
There you go... ladies love cool ballsy. Aah!
Oh, ho ho! Ohh! That "p," Johnny, stands for "punishing."
Let's find out more about Rachel.
So, uh, tell me, what's your strategy gonna be to win?
I'm thinking that I'm gonna stand opposite the sun,
lift up my shirt... (John h.) Hey, now. My eyes!
(John A.) Aah! Ow! (Rachel) And blind my opponents.
I haven't seen anything that white
since the finale of "friends"!
(John A.) Rachel "whitey" Maurer
getting her chance in the double barrel.
Here she goes... or not. I think whitey Rachel is reflecting on
the best possible angle to jump into the double barrel, John.
No way she makes a mistake now. (Jill) Good job, Rachel.
Oh!
Ho ho! Holy fish belly!
(Whispers) Is she okay?
I'm sure she's just fine. Oh!
Oh! (John A.) Seriously, I do not know what she was thinking.
Whitey just got trashed.
Still, whitey Rachel Maurer getting a little color
in those cheeks. She finishes with a time of 5:38.
Speaking of sunshine, summer vacation has just begun,
and I can't wait for more "Wipeout."
Oh, it's the hot, hot, hot summertime.
(Air horns blow) No waiting, because when it's hot as a tamale outside,
it's time to do the things you love.
You get to go out to the ball game... oh, ho ho ho!
Ohh! Take a road trip... ha ha! Ho! Catch up on your summer reading...
Whoa! Enjoy a barbecue...
Ho ho! See some fireworks...
(John A. and John H.) Ooh! Ahh!
Ohh! Aah, ha ha! I love summer, John.
And we're just getting started.
Is that Mr. Clean?
I love doughnuts!
What? Why does Mr. Clean love doughnuts?
Yeah. That's, uh, Ryan Hamlin.
Mr. Clean's real name is Ryan? Jill?
Ryan, what do you do? I'm a cyber cop.
(John H.) What?! I do, uh, computer forensics.
Ooh! We actually have a real, live robot cop on our course.
He's half man, half robot, John, out to defeat evil. Oh, ho ho!
Ohh! That giga-bites.
I think his browser history just got deleted.
Well, it's probably for the best. How often a fella
visits "lolcats" should be between him and his maker.
Well, cyber cop Ryan up to the jiggle-ator.
His prime directives... Jiggle, jump, don't wipe out.
And he's handling that first part really well.
Of course, he is. He's a cyber cop.
Ohh! Ohh! Look at him, John.
He's the infirminator... part Wipeout, part machine.
Aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!
Johnny, he is just a man. He fights cyber crime. Cyber crime?
Oh! Like grown people watching Justin bieber videos.
Something like that.
Well, he's got five seconds to comply with the double barrel.
Ohh, ho ho! Ohh!
We just witnessed some serious robot-on-robot crime.
(Robotic voice) Thank you for your cooperation.
Cyber cop Ryan finishing strong, had a really good time.
Whoo! I love doughnuts!
Come on, cyber cop. Stereotypes are wrong.
Jill, you got any doughnuts?
So... on to something that's oh, so right.
Goat, my keytar.
What is this?
It's the weapon of choice for those about to shred, Johnny.
Mm-hmm. Up next on our course
is aspiring jingle writer Brigid Schmidt.
We're giving her her big break today, and I'm backing her up.
(Plays notes)
Hit it, Brigid!
♪ "Wipeout," here I come ♪ (Keyboard playing melody)
She's good.
♪ I'm ready to tackle some big red balls ♪
♪ if you're in the mood for a laugh ♪
♪ I'll make a fool of myself on your behalf ♪
♪ just to say my new friend ♪
♪ is John Anderson ♪
Seriously? Anderson?
After I backed your fledgling jingle career?
Don't pretend your parents were psyched about that.
Lay off.
I predict my new friend's gonna bring good things to life.
Don't take it personally, ballsy.
She didn't recognize me, either. Oh, ho ho!
Ohh! Got Wipeout?
Brigid found the "p"
is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Aah! Who else dares wear short shorts?
Whoa! Whoa!
Look at that girl with the Daisy Dukes on.
That's Jon Crenshaw. D'oh.
Jonathan... nice shorts.
Hello, Jill. Thank you. I made them myself.
Do you think you maybe... cut 'em a little short?
No? No, this is perfect mobility for the course.
Oh. I look forward to crushing it with my pants... short...
Shorts. My shorts... cut... pants.
(John H.) Ah, the lost art of the cutoff,
gone the way of the dodo bird and the leather captain's hat.
Jill, how tall do I look?
You look like you need a tan. (Chuckles)
Give the guy a break, Jill. The summer's just begun.
This thing's big.
Yes, cutoff, you have some big shorts to fill.
And he pushes off and into the barrel.
He is so agile without pant legs to restrict his movement.
But he can do this 'cause he's really tall, those long legs.
See, John? Chicks love the cutoffs. Oh, ho ho! Ohh!
But the platform eats his shorts, and not in a good way.
Missed by the seat of his very, very tiny pants.
But he still comes in with a great time.
Oh. Yeah! Break it down, man!
Yeah, break it.
Continue breaking.
Okay. Yeah, it looks broken.
I think we should take a break. I know I could use one.
But when we come back, uh...
They're called cutoffs, Johnny.
Jon Crenshaw and I are on the cutting edge,
literally and figuratively.
You are looking at the future, my friend.
That's what I'm looking at, huh?
Oh, yeah, I'm a stylemaker, Johnny.
These cutoff khaki slacks
can take you from the office to the club to beach volleyball
with Tom Cruise and that other guy from "Top Gun."
I'll just go put some pants on. Thank you.
Stay tuned, America.
Full coverage of more Wipeouts when we return.
Johnny, can I borrow your pants? I just need the legs.
♪
Welcome back to "Wipeout."
Whoo-hoo! School is out for summer.
Yeah, three months of vacation, but there is still one course
our contestants still need to complete.
Geometry?
No. Home ec?
No, I'm talking about the "Wipeout" course, John.
Ohh, I see what you did there. (Chuckles)
No, you don't, do you? No, no I don't.
That's too bad. I'll explain it to you later.
Right now let's go to Jill,
who's with our next highly educated contestant.
All right, fellas. I've got Jasmine Pratt down here with me.
You excited about today? Super excited. Yeah, I'm stoked.
Yeah? Are you a little bit nervous, though? Um, yes.
Yeah. I mean, that's... No. I mean, no.
(John H.) Jill's always tripping people up
with hard-hitting questions, like Katie Couric.
All right, well, let's try another one. That's... that was
kind of hard. What are you gonna do with the money if you win?
I don't know. The what?
(John A.) Jasmine sounds a little dazed and confused,
but, Johnny, I bet she focuses laser-like out on the course.
(Air horn blows)
Maybe not really.
(Air horn blows) Horns can be confusing, you know?
Is it a horn? Is it an egret? Do it now?
(Air horn blows) Actually about 10 seconds ago, but now works.
Dazed and confused Jasmine's locked in now.
Least she's running in the right direction.
Ballsy still earning his cash on the corner. Oh, ho ho!
Hi! (Giggles) Ballsy, what did I tell you
about laughing at others' misfortune?
(Laughs) (Laughs)
It needs to come from the gut. Watch on the smash cam.
(Laughs)
Dazed and confused Jasmine ready to get behind the wheel.
(Drawling) Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Watch the leather, man. That's new upholstery.
(Normal voice) Ohh! She hits the gas, and the gas hits back.
Jasmine getting a look at the big balls.
She's mesmerized by our motivator like it's a lava lamp.
She outsmarts it. Maybe she's a motivator savant. Oh, ho ho!
Yeah, I doubt it.
(Drawling) That's what I love about the big balls, John.
I keep getting older, and they stay the same.
Dazed and confused Jasmine perplexed by the jiggle-ator.
You thought walking and chewing gum was hard. Try jiggling.
Ohh! Ohh!
Dazed and confused Jasmine wasn't disoriented before,
she certainly is now. All right, all right, all right.
The double barrel's cocked, and Jasmine's ready. Wall-e...
Wall-e? She's confused again.
(Normal voice) No, she's not. Don't you see the resemblance?
It's my Uncle Wally. He's had pinkeye for the last 12 years.
Why do you never introduce me to your family?
Are you ashamed of me?
Well, dazed and confused stumbles out. Oh, ho! Aah!
Closest one yet.
Yeah, but it's all or nothing, Jill. Oh, well.
Who needs brains when you... amen, brother! I hate brains!
Jasmine posts an all-good time of 4 minutes, 50 seconds.
Yeah! Whoo!
(Drawling) Right on, man.
(Normal voice) Who's this tall guy? Emanuel Robinson,
and he's, uh... whoo! Got to keep my perm dry!
Got to keep his perm dry. That's great advice, John.
(Air horn blows) My Nana's actually got that stitched on a pillow.
Emanuel's off. I don't know if anybody's actually been
successful at staying dry and well-coiffed on this course.
At least his perfect hair is safe in his cap. Oh, ho ho! Ohh!
Uh, the rest of his body... Eh, not so much.
Yeah, that was not pretty.
I don't know. I thought the girlish scream was lovely.
Jill, give us more here.
I have to say, you're very stylish. Oh, thank you.
The hair, by the way... Head to toe, head to toe.
It's, like, a perm or something?
Yeah, but I don't say "perm. "
I say "relaxer." It's my secret.
(John H. whispers) I think everybody knows your secret now.
Do you get manicures and pedis? Yes, I do.
Got to stay smooth, all day, every day. Smooth.
Got to be smooth, yes.
(John h. ) Wow, Jill. This guy is dapper.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
He's like a don draper/joe Jonas hybrid, and he's making a sound
that can only be heard by dapper people and dogs. Whoo!
(Laughs) That's like a siren... or either a mating call. Whoo!
Look at how smooth he is, John.
He's even relaxer-ing in the double barrel.
The dapper gent stretching for the final platform. Ohh!
Oh, ho ho! Smooth. Yeah, he should have waited for an invitation.
Hope he didn't make that kind of entrance at the royal wedding.
Of course not, John.
This guy has elegance coming out of every pore. (Belching)
Emanuel... aw, man! (John H.) And orifice.
Is that what's coming out? I thought you were a gentleman.
(John H.) He is! Can't you smell the class? (Belches)
And hot dogs? Back at the top of the course is 25-year-old Emily Kooiman.
Wonder what's on her mind. My favorite host is Jill!
Jill?! Come on, man.
What's a host got to do to get a little love?
So tell me about your special skills.
Um, I'm really... Got weird joints.
Like, the arms twist around. Get ready. Forward...
(John H.) Really? How far can they twist?
Side, back, and then we're just gonna go...
Aw! I can't watch. I can't.
(John H.) Look, Jill! It's awesome! Not gonna look at that.
(John H.) Uh, I'm getting light-headed. Here's left.
Ohh! (John H.) Wow. I want to take a picture and barf, all at the same time.
Crazy arms Emily headed right for this Wipeout wall. Ohh!
Aah! But that was insane. Too bad she's not double-jointed
in her face. Oh, ho ho ho!
Even the craziest arms, Johnny, can't overcome
the power of the Wipeout wall.
What up, ballsy? I'm fast like a cheetah!
(Purrs) Speed won't help you now.
Ohh! Ballsy will try to pump you up...
Hi, ballsy.
But the Wipeout wall will just knock you down.
Hey, guys, does ballsy look a little hot to anyone?
What's up, ballsy? Hi!
Well, there are those who find him good-looking, Jill. Ohh!
Ow! But the Wipeout wall tends to hog the spotlight.
Hey, where's ballsy? I think he got a little overheated.
You'll be okay. (Coos)
Do you want some grapes? Are you hungry? Mm? (Coos)
Some people just can't handle a hard day's work, Johnny.
Need some grapes over here!
While Jill demands grapes, let's call for our next contestant.
Gimme Josh Jordan over here!
Hey, am I crazy, or does he look
just like shaggy from "Scooby-do"?
Yes, and yes.
Well, he's on, and he is shaking
like he's got a case of the jinkies. Ah!
Oh, ho ho! Zoinks! He just got Scooby-smacked.
Uhh! He might have gotten away with it, too,
if it hadn't been for that meddling jiggle-ator.
Let's leave shaggy out here to dog-paddle,
and go to our final contestant of the day,
cosmetic dentist Jimmy mattingly.
Hey, does Jimmy's shirt say, "will I dominate Wipeout?"?
Maybe he will.
Ohh! Ooh, ducks underneath the "p"!
Wow! Ohh, and just clipped by the "u."
Jimmy almost avoids the "u,"
but manages to keep his teeth pretty.
That's his job, Johnny.
Well, he is more than a guy who gets to put his fingers
in strange people's mouths, John.
He's also great at tennis,
he's happily married, and he is handling the driver's ed
like it's his luxury status car.
This guy's the total package.
And I bet he's in one of those clubs that keeps rejecting me.
Oh, ho ho! Ohh! The big balls reject him.
No one does that to "total package" Jimmy mattingly.
Don't they know who he is? No.
Jimmy mattingly, right? Pronounce the "t's."
Mattingly. No, those are "d's."
Mattingly. Ohh, beautiful.
(John H.) Yeah, Jill. It's "t," as in "tool. "
(John A.) Johnny...
What? Well, Jimmy the total package
making a perfect leap into our double barrel.
His unusually large head is helping him with his balance.
Man! There is nothing he can't do.
Ohh! Oh, ho ho! Well, almost nothing.
Total package doesn't have quite enough to hang on.
But even with a couple of missteps,
total package comes in with the fastest time of the day,
so he'll be grabbing a Martini and moving on,
along with whitey Rachel Maurer, cyber cop Ryan Hamlin,
and the jingler Brigid Schmidt.
(Brigid) ♪ "Wipeout," here I come ♪
Also advancing... dapper gent Emanuel Robinson...
(Emanuel) Got to be smooth.
Shaggy Josh Jordan, and crazy arms Emily Kooiman.
When we return, we'll go from 12 to 6,
right after these words.
♪
We are back for more of this warm summer day on "Wipeout."
And the living is easy,
unless, of course, you happen to be one of our contestants.
Yep, and still in it,
we have whitey Rachel Maurer, cutoffs Jon Crenshaw,
and dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt.
(Jasmine) Yes. No. I mean, I don't know.
Also still in the game,
we have the dapper gent Emanuel Robinson,
Emily "crazy arms" Kooiman,
and the total package Jimmy mattingly.
(Jimmy) Isn't it obvious?
Johnny, what are you doing up there?
Anderson, check it out. It's an optical illusion.
Right now, looks like my tie is the size of Wyoming... mm-hmm.
But then I take a few steps back... normal.
Look...
Wyoming...
Normal!
That is truly amazing.
I know! Just imagine the Wipeouts we'd get
if we used optical illusions instead of obstacles.
That I don't get.
Exactly. Neither will the contestants
when they face... The Illusionator.
Contestants must begin on bewilderingly colored pedestals
towering 10 whole feet above the icy water,
as rotating orbs, visibly suspended in mid-air,
challenge their very perception of space and time.
Duck the mystical orbs, and you vanish. Get knocked
to another disorientingly technicolor pedestal,
and you must time-travel back
before the orbs complete the orbit or you disappear.
Whoo-hoo!
So they need to stand on the platforms,
not get knocked off by the rings. Yep, pretty much...
All while struggling to retain their grasp on reality.
And you're sort of an expert there.
Yeah. The six that survive will move on to the next round,
and the last one standing will receive a 100,000-penny bonus.
You make that sound like a lot bigger deal than it really is.
That's the point, Johnny. Mm.
Are you prepared to have your mind blown? What the heck.
Seriously, you want a helmet or something?
Nah, I'm good. Let's just, you know, start up the dealy-Bob.
Are we supposed to face a certain way?
Dazed and confused doesn't know which way is up.
(Woman) Supposed to face toward the left. Oh, we are?
That's not gonna help her. (Jon) Other left.
(Jasmine) Can we face the other ways, too?
Also known as "right"?
Get ready for the challenge. Uh-oh! Cutoffs!
Feel the wrath of the shorts. I think we all are.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Smoke what? Whoa! Is that a genie?
I had no idea the illusionator was among us.
I need some serious magic for this. John, that's Glenn pinto.
He slipped through the first round unseen.
It must have been an illusion.
Behold! The illusionator Springs to life!
(Man) Yeah! Sweet! (Glenn) Are you kidding me?
(Man laughs) You can laugh, but there's about to be a whole boatload
of hocus-pocus up in here. What, what!
(Air horn blows) All right, they're moving... Or are they?
(Emily) Oh, hell, no. Just wait until the rings do their magic on the genie.
What's he gonna do? Left? Right?
Or left? Oh, ho ho! (Man) See ya!
Ohh, the genie quickly rubbed out,
and he wipes out a guy named de hankins. The genie vanishes.
Cutoffs gets frayed. Brigid the jingler on cyber cop's platform.
She'll need to get back.
Jasmine's dazed and too confused to move.
John, I think I'm seeing a fourth ring.
No, that was a contestant, Johnny.
Shaggy Josh hangs on
and goes for a ride on our mystery machine.
Total package throwing himself
at crazy arms' feet, offers her a ring.
She turns it away.
Is she crazy? Doesn't she know how total his package is?
Dapper gent with a smooth move.
Get back on your pedestal!
Whitey Rachel thinks she calls the shots,
but the illusionator will determine the next two people
to disappear, and then we'll have our top six.
Come on, ring! Johnny, cyber cop Ryan
determined to break up the rings.
Uh-oh. Hope he brought backup.
Ohh! Ohh! Cyber cop shut down.
Dazed and confused through...
Uh-oh. And shaggy Josh...
Oh, ho! Ah! He's gone.
(Air horn blows) There's the horn, and, Johnny, that... whoa!
Aah! Is how you get a top six.
How many people are left?
He said six. Is anybody paying attention?
Well, she doesn't count.
The genie was knocked out when he tried to wish
this wasn't happening. "Help me, oh, magic genie. "
(Man) See ya!
Then genie, who made this guy appear,
sent him back into the water. Cutoffs got pantsed.
Hey! Those are women's jeans! The green ring popped out
a little doughnut hole, but it got quickly dunked,
and of course, the cyber cop had to eat something.
(Man) Doughnuts.
And poor shaggy got dragged like Scooby's butt on the carpet.
Ohh!
Looking ahead, Johnny, let's discuss the final six
competing for that $1,000. We have whitey Rachel,
dazed and confused Jasmine, dapper gent Emanuel...
Come on! Fall off, people!
Crazy arms Emily, Jimmy the total package... ugh.
And Brigid the jingler. $1,000! Come on, baby! Let's go!
Well, jingler, to get the 1,000 bucks, you have to
get through the rings, and they are coming right at you.
Oh, ho! Ow! That ring plows into jingler.
Dazed and confused is cool.
Jingler survives and retreats to her starting spot.
Total package... look at him deliver. Whoo!
Crazy arms perfect. Dapper gent... ohh! Ooh!
That's no illusion, Johnny.
There's a dapper gent on those rings.
Fantastic ability, terrible move.
Am I good? Nope, you're out.
By catching a ride on those rings, the dapper gent...
(Man) Oh my God.
Made it impossible to get back to his platform
before the rings caught up.
Dapper gent must now bow out. Five contestants left,
and the rings keep spinning around.
Oh, my God! They're coming for me!
Yep, even faster. They are coming so fast!
Oh, ho ho! Ohh, the jingler going plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Ooh, the illusionator giving our final four
a little pat on the back there.
You need eyes in the back of your... oh, ho ho! Head.
Mm! Crazy arms elbowed out of contention.
Whitey Rachel getting by, doing the bare minimum.
I don't like this! Why not, whitey? Everyone likes an illusion...
Until it hits you in the face. Oh, ho!
Ooh! Dazed and confused goes down.
2 left competing for the 1,000 bucks.
Total package welcomes the chance to show off.
Oh, yeah. Comes through.
Oh, gosh. Nothing to worry about, whitey.
Just don't stare at the center, or the left, or the right.
(Man) Look out!
(Screams) Aw! You're killing me, whitey! You're killing me!
(Air horn blows) That means Jimmy the total package just won 1,000 bucks.
And joining Jimmy "the total package" mattingly
in the next round, there's Rachel "whitey" Maurer,
dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt,
the jingler Brigid Schmidt, Emily "crazy arms" Kooiman,
and dapper gent Emanuel Robinson.
But before they get a shot at the Wipeout zone,
one more obstacle stands in their way.
♪
We are back on summer "Wipeout."
24 faced the dangers of the Wipeout course today,
and only six remain in the battle
for a spot in the Wipeout zone, and they are
the total package Jimmy mattingly,
Rachel "whitey" Maurer,
and dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt.
(Jasmine) Yes. No. I mean, no. I don't know.
We also have our jingler Brigid Schmidt,
Emily "crazy arms" Kooiman,
and the dapper gent Emanuel Robinson.
(Emanuel) Got to be smooth.
I love summer, John.
Two months of nonstop playtime. Mm-hmm.
And to celebrate, I am excited to offer our contestants
a chance to test out
the newest product from Wipeout toys incorporated.
Yeah, that... that's not a real business. Oh, really?
Well, then why did I have these business cards printed up, huh?
They're not printed. They're handwritten.
Whatever. Let me show you how it works.
The Wipeout play set has three rounds, all starting off with a ride
on the safe and durable swing-a-long swing set,
where contestants must
try to swing their bodies onto the spinning platform.
Up next, they'll take a twirl
astride each of these charming sweeper stops,
making it from one to the other as they rotate around
at alarming speeds. Then there's the final obstacle,
chutes and splatter. Slide down and avoid getting whapped
by the windmill on the way to the finish platform.
Yay! The Wipeout play set comes fully assembled
and smells like vanilla.
Sideline reporting action figure sold separately.
Finally, a toy I don't have to share with my brother. (Chuckles)
Well, then let's wind it up and watch it go.
Our contestants on their swings, ready to go. (Contestants cheering)
Freaking out, man.
I'm too young to die. (Cries)
Oh, come on. You're not that young, jingler.
(Man) Can we slow it down a bit?
This looks more fun from my couch.
(Creaking) Total package Jimmy toying with the competition.
(Woman) You better stop.
You're bouncing.
It's called mental intimidation.
Dazed and confused doesn't care, John,
because she doesn't understand.
Okay, guys. Round one is ready to go. (Air horn blows)
This is gonna be brutal.
No other show brings you such hard-core swinging action.
(Swings squeaking)
Man, the intensity is so thick, you could cut it with a spork.
Total package first to go.
(Rachel) Aah! I can't believe you did that.
Hey, whitey, we can't believe you just did this.
Oh, ho ho! Yah, ha!
The dapper gent off one, onto another.
Ohh! Total package always looking so good,
leads the way to the first sweeper stop. Eesh!
Oh, ho! The jingler's face is a little catchy
on the side of the platform. Total package advancing...
Ohh! Ohh!
Dapper gent Emanuel catching up at the first sweeper stop.
I don't know where to get on.
Dapper gent used to being shown to his seat, Johnny.
There he is, doing the polite thing,
escorting the sweeper arm around the dance floor one more time.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Remember, he has to land on that platform, with the arrow.
(Bell dings)
Aah! Oh, ho ho ho!
Another missed opportunity.
Meanwhile, the ladies...
They're still just hanging out back on the swing set.
(Scoffs) Chicks.
They're probably just talking about boys and salad.
Crazy arms... Aah!
Ohh! Missed it by an appendage.
Our man dapper gent finally making it off the sweeper arm.
He's headed towards the next sweeper stop now.
Confidently back on... And effortless on the dismount.
Dapper gent... a grand entrance onto chutes and splatters.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Good job, Emanuel.
I don't know how to do this. It's a slide. You slide.
How do I do this? You avoid the windmill.
Aah! Aah!
He might want to hurry, Johnny, because right on his heels is...
Uhh! Aah! Aah!
Absolutely nobody. There goes the dapper gent.
Ohh! Ooh, ho!
Not out of it yet! Struggling to pull himself up... ohh!
Yes! Sweet Tom Ford, he made it. Whoo! Whoo!
Dapper gent... No Wipeouts on his run...
Is the first to make it to the Wipeout zone.
(Jill) Good job! Emanuel, you just made that look easy.
(Moans) My legs...
I thank my mother and my father for my legs!
And your perm. Let's give thanks for that. Johnny, let's start round two.
This thing's hauling.
Yep. It's hauling. Look alive, dazed and confused.
(Birds chirping, wind whistling) (Air horn blows)
Hey, here we go! I haven't seen swinging this competitive
since Sally Jenkins' summer swing-offs. Elementary school?
No. Thursday. Total package Jimmy wants you to know
that he is total package Jimmy. (Woman) He makes it look so easy.
Making things look easy is part of the package,
and so is a continental breakfast.
Here come the gals. Ohh! Ohh!
Whitey and the jingler with a two-for-one special.
High-flying dazed and confused
soars over to the spinning platform.
Total package showboating on that sweeper arm.
Dazed and confused Jasmine nearly falls off.
Oh, ho ho!
Total package watches the platform spin by helplessly.
Dazed and confused could sneak ahead.
Ohh, ho ho! Ohh, and total package keeps his lead.
The jingler goes for it. Ooh!
Ohh! Sometimes you feel like a Wipeout. Aah!
Total package with a tight grip on that second sweeper arm.
Here he comes in. Oh, yeah. Perfect landing.
Just like he drew it up, Johnny.
Dazed and confused back on the sweeper arm,
making a race of it. Got it! Yeah, total package goes for it.
Eesh! Oh, ho ho! Split in two!
Mm. Take another look.
Total package kissing his hamstring good-bye.
Dazed and confused now with her chance to slide into the zone.
Launching... ohh! Ohh!
Good thing she won't remember it anyway, bless her heart.
Total package recovers, back and ready to slide. Look out,
dazed and confused appearing out of nowhere. Who's it gonna be?
Total package, not one to be bested, shoots the moon.
And the cameraman shoots his moon.
Look at that wedgie.
I did, dapper gent, and I wish I could un-look.
Well, dazed and confused still has one more opportunity, and it
looks like total package... he has lost a bit of his swagger.
Now it's down to crazy arms, whitey, dazed and confused,
and the jingler. One of 'em's going to the Wipeout zone.
You know, Johnny, my money's on a lady taking this round.
Like your odds, my friend.
All right, guys. Here comes the final round.
(Air horn blows)
(Swings creaking) I'm not farting. That's just my seat.
Sure it is.
You stay classy, whitey. All right, it's up to these ladies to
swing themselves into the zone.
There's crazy arms. Ohh!
Ohh, ho ho! She's looking a little disjointed. There's jingler.
Dazed and confused also airborne, and both are safe.
Nice! Who's gonna make the first move, Johnny?
Dazed and confused looking oddly sharp and motivated.
Jingler searching for inspiration.
Dazed... an aggressive move,
and she is halfway to chutes and splatters.
Jingler's up. Ohh!
Ohh! Just didn't do it.
Dazed and confused has a spin.
Oh, ho ho ho! Ohh, she is shoeless and clueless.
Aah! Only one shoe now, but who needs two?
All that hassle, with the big loop, and the little loop...
Yeah! Nice recovery,
and a reunion with chutes and splatters.
Not worrying about that shoe, stepping up.
Dazed and confused pulls the trigger.
Ohh, ho ho!
Ohh, ho! And misses badly!
Okay, there's crazy arms. She sails over
to the spinning platform. Time's running out for her,
as dazed and confused climbs that ladder back to the slide.
Crazy arms with some fancy footwork. And she makes it!
Who needs arms, Johnny?
Dazed and confused trying to end the suspense right here.
Ohh! Ohh! Just can't get enough height on that slide.
Crazy arms is getting insanely close.
Ohh! Ohh! She just mistimes it,
gives dazed and confused a little breathing room now.
Third try now, looking a little uncertain.
But then again, she always does, John.
Here she goes. Get up, get up! Yeah!
(Air horn blows)
Yeah! Dazed and confused has finally had a moment of clarity.
(Jill) Yes! Yes high five! And that's enough thinking for a while.
And with that, dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt
will be heading to the Wipeout zone.
Joining her there... Dapper gent Emanuel Robinson
and the total package Jimmy mattingly.
Stick around.
One of these lucky contestants is about to snag 50 grand
in the Wipeout zone.
♪
We are back on "Wipeout," and Johnny, this is it.
Our three finalists are about to face down
the final challenge.
That's right. There's $50,000 on the line,
and just one thing standing in their way... the Wipeout zone.
It's made up of the following stages.
It starts with the towering flume of doom,
a breathtaking 7-story plummet
and launch deep into the waters of the zone.
From there, it's on to the second obstacle,
the iron mazen. It's a thinker, Johnny.
Enter through the yellow, exit out through the red,
as our contestants will battle both speed and gravity.
After that, it's the demanding axle of evil.
Contestants must hold on
to these whirling prongs to make it to the other side.
Finally, the great wall of fall...
The last treacherous journey to make it to the final platform.
Here's a look at our leaderboard and the first three contestants
to take on our summer course. Up first, the dapper gent.
Let's look back and see how he arrived
here at the Wipeout zone. I'm ready.
Whoo!
Dapper gent Emanuel Robinson blazed through our qualifier
in style. He politely conquered the illusionator...
Whoo! Uhh! Whoo!
And proved himself a trendsetter on our Wipeout play set.
Now with $50,000 and his perm on the line,
Emanuel must take on the Wipeout zone.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
All right, let's head 70 feet...
Yep, seven stories in the air... To the towering flume of doom.
Emanuel preparing for the ride of his life.
All right, there's the light.
Here comes the countdown. (Beeping)
(Speaks indistinctly) ...Now, my friend.
Whoa! The bottom dropping out, and 1,000 gallons of water...
Whoo! Pushing the dapper gent into the zone.
Whoo! Emanuel with a permed hair-raising 7-story drop
hits the ramp hard. I'd be plugging my nose, too.
Launched way out, leaving him in great position
for our first obstacle, the iron mazen.
Remember, enter through the yellow side,
exit out the red opening. And that's the easy part.
Staying in it... that's the hard part. Well, no problem getting in right there.
Remember, not allowed to exit yet, Johnny.
He's still on the yellow. Ohh!
Ohh, trouble. Emanuel loses his grip,
and a lost opportunity, really,
because he went out the "in" door.
Back for his second attempt
standing tall as iron mazen wheels around.
Taking advantage of his length and that tall build.
The dapper gent has still got to make it around to the red zone
if he wants to get out of there.
There's the color he's looking for, Johnny. Emanuel in the red,
but that's good. Now it's a matter of getting to the exit in time.
Oh, boy. This doesn't look good.
Ooh! Ooh, his height helped save him there, Johnny.
Lining up his exit opening. A good jump will do it.
Yeah! Oh, ho ho! And he makes it!
Now it's just a short ramp down to the axle of evil.
Emanuel surveying this crazy contraption. Where to start?
Ohh, ho!
Ohh! Grabs hold of the first prong he can get his hands on!
Ohh, ho, big blast. Here comes the platform. No!
Ohh! Too much momentum and he just spins off into the water.
So Emanuel forced to give it a second try,
and it's the same bold approach... hop on and hold on.
That axle of evil, all kinds of... (Speaks indistinctly)
Here comes the platform. Yes! A perfect and, dare I say,
graceful landing by Emanuel. He is dapper.
One final obstacle now standing in his way,
but the great wall of fall is a doozy.
Dapper gent has a game plan here...
It appears to be slow and easy, taking the high road early.
He's looking for a good place to plant that foot,
but take a look, John. There is no good toehold to be had here.
Oh, ho ho ho! Ohh! Big splashdown.
That wall is great, Johnny.
In fact, I think you can see it from space.
Emanuel... a second chance to sort this out.
He's got to shake off that last Wipeout and solve this puzzle
once and for all.
Working the same line of pistons as before.
A large gap to cross here. Ohh, watch out! Ohh, ho!
Nearly a misstep, but he stays up.
The dapper gent... oh!
Blasted by the water Cannon, so close to the end now.
Just steps away from the finish platform.
A slip here would be a demoralizing setback.
He lunges... yeah! He's got it. Ah! Stop that clock.
Dapper gent Emanuel Robinson comes in with a time of 10:42.
Whoo! Whoo! Yeah!
That stands as the mark to beat, but will it stand very long?
Not if the total package has something to say about it.
(Claps hands) He's up next. Let's find out how he got here.
Jimmy "the total package" mattingly lived up to his name
by coming in first for our qualifier.
His dominating performance continued
when he showed the illusionator he was number one... (Slide whistle blows)
And he took second on the Wipeout play set.
Now the zone and the 50k is all he has left to conquer.
Jimmy loaded into the towering flume of doom.
Whoa. (Chuckles)
That view has got to be putting butterflies
in his perfect stomach. Emanuel our leader
with a time of 10:42, watching intently with Jill.
How's the perm holding up? It's wet now, so hey.
(John H.) Makes you wonder what the point of all this is. (Beeping)
All right, here's the countdown, and... launch.
(John A.) Open the trapdoor, let gravity go to work.
70 feet down and... whoa... 40 feet out to sea.
Great! Jimmy mattingly's body shot out like a kidney stone,
leaving him in prime position to get to our next obstacle,
the iron mazen. Easy if you're not color-blind, Johnny...
In through the yellow, out through the red.
Oh, yeah, and, uh, don't forget...
It's a giant rotating maze.
Oh! He slips, ricocheting through the maze.
Ohh! An early disappointment.
Ohh. Yeah, Jimmy's using his head... as a battering ram.
Jimmy has been out front all day long.
Does he have enough left for a title run? Hesitation... that's good.
Emanuel's confidence growing
as Jimmy drops in for a second whirl. Now remember, the iron mazen
took Emanuel some time to decipher, but once he solves
the puzzle, the total package still needs to climb out.
Well, he has figured out that you sort of work backward
and let that maze carry you forward.
Total package... ohh! Ohh, ho!
Oh, well, thankfully, that little slip put him... ohh! Ohh! What luck!
Two near-falls actually putting Jimmy in excellent position.
Now he needs to get out clean. Ohh! Ohh, ho ho ho!
(Emanuel and Jill) Ohh!
Oh, so close. His timing just a fraction off,
but unfortunately, that means a big swim back.
And some slumped shoulders as he takes that long walk back up
the ramp. Looks like those two punishing Wipeouts on the maze
sapped both Jimmy's energy and his bravado.
He looks tired.
(Groans) I'd have to agree with Emanuel.
Slow it down. Killing me.
He was the one who was cocky throughout this whole thing.
The total package having a total meltdown.
Here he is, dropping down towards the red.
He sounded defeated, Johnny,
but he is still very much in the game here.
Still has more than 4 minutes left,
and now safely in the red zone. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Jimmy... a chance to close out iron mazen.
Strong leap, yeah! Safely on that platform.
Poor Jimmy. Ho ho ho! He just slid down.
He is just behind Emanuel's pace at this point in the course.
The total package with work to do but time to do it. Ohh! Ohh, ho!
A water blast! Mm!
And there goes Jimmy into the drink! Ooh!
He didn't have much of a grip, Johnny,
and that water blast finished him off. John, the total package
very slow getting back to that ladder.
I'm done. What?
Huh? No.
He just said he's done. Call it.
(Air horn blows) That's it.
A surprising turn of events... Jimmy mattingly surrenders.
Well, dapper gent Emanuel Robinson
remains our leader,
but is his time of 10 minutes, 42 seconds
good enough to hold up against
dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt?
Can the lady beat the gent? Find out after this.
♪
Welcome back to the thrilling conclusion here on "Wipeout."
We've already seen two runs through the zone,
with one to go and the cash payment to follow.
Our leader, dapper gent Emanuel Robinson,
came in with a time of 10 minutes, 42 seconds.
And aiming to beat that time, with her eye on the 50 grand,
we have dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt,
and she's down with Jill right now.
Thank you, fellas. I have Jasmine in the Wipeout zone.
Congratulations, girl.
(John H.) No, not... Not at us. Look at Jill.
There's no pressure. I'm not putting any pressure on you...
No.
But you are the only girl.
I know. How you gonna represent? How you gonna win this?
(Wind whistling)
(John H.) You know what? Forget we asked.
Dazed and confused Jasmine Pratt
visibly distracted at every turn in our course today. Aah!
The illusionator left her positively stupefied,
and by the time she dropped onto our Wipeout play set,
she still didn't know
what the heck was going on. But now is the time to focus in,
as she takes on the Wipeout zone for a chance at $50,000.
All right. It all comes down to this, John.
We've teased her all day long, but this girl's an athlete.
Yep, she has earned her spot in the zone, the right to chase
the 50 grand. 10:42 is the time to beat. Let's flume and doom.
(Beeping) Aah!
Jasmine picking up speed...
Whee! Ohh, ho ho!
Aah!
Dazed and confused looking crazed and infused!
70 feet straight down. So fast,
it takes a bit, I think, for your senses to catch up.
Jasmine way out there and making good time to iron mazen.
Looking for a clean entry here on the yellow.
Timing it out. Ohh! Leads with her head.
And landing on it as well.
Now the trip through our spinning labyrinth
really begins. Trying to work over and through,
and get to the red zone. Iron mazen turning her down now.
Jasmine frantically trying to make her move. Watch out!
Ohh, ho ho! Ohh!
Crashing into the side wall, still off-balance.
Ay! Ohh! Bouncing around like a pinball, John... full tilt!
(Emanuel) Oh! Take a second look at this. She completely and disastrously
tumbles top to bottom, banged up the entire way.
What's that word you like to use?
Uh, it's pronounced, "wowch," John, spelled as it sounds.
Wow and ouch.
Jasmine with a second effort now, shaking out those cobwebs,
much more in control at this point. Yeah, let's see if she can
improve on her performance this time, John.
You know, dazed and confused doesn't test well.
Jasmine chasing Emanuel's time of 10:42.
Remember, he only wiped out once on this obstacle.
Now crossing into the red half of iron mazen.
Jasmine looking unsure of herself now, trying to get over
to that edge. Makes her move towards the exit, and lands it!
Ohh! Barely beats it out to finish iron mazen. Good work.
Still has a lot of work to be done, though, Johnny.
Axle of evil ahead, and it's not any easier.
Jasmine has about 4 1/2 minutes left
if she wants to beat Emanuel's time.
Different spins at work here on the equilibrium. Whoa! Ho ho!
Ohh, ho ho! Baby! The axle of evil just swinging her around
and tosses her into the water, John. She didn't stand a chance.
Come on. Jasmine's frustration starting to show here.
She's got about 2 1/2 minutes remaining to finish the course. Ohh, ho!
(Jill) Ohh! Ohh! And again, at this point,
finishing this obstacle's gonna be a challenge.
Jasmine so close, but just can't hang on. What a heartbreak.
I'm exhausted.
Come on, come on.
That brings us squarely to crunch time now, Johnny.
Jasmine... she cannot afford another mistake.
A Wipeout would guarantee victory for Emanuel.
Big blast from the water c... ohh!
Ohh!
Back in the water for a final time.
No more confusion. Jasmine's day over on axle of evil.
And that means
that dapper gent Emanuel Robinson is our winner. (Air horn blows)
You just won "Wipeout"! You won 50 grand, baby!
Whoo! Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!
(Grunting)
Well, there you have it.
The dapper gent has dapper done it. Mm-hmm. And we are done as well,
but be sure to tune in next week,
when 24 new contestants take on even crazier all-new obstacles.
Until then, America, I'm John Anderson. And for our colleague Jill Wagner,
I'm John Henson, saying good night and big balls.
Uhh!
Ohh!
(Laughs)
(Clank) Oh!
(Thud)
(Clank) Aah!
Aah!
(Vibrating voice) Ahh! (Laughs)
Who doesn't like that, right?
Sync by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com