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Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ ♪
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So there it is, people.
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Due to budget cutbacks,
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we will no longer be offering
free squid guts in the kitchen.
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Oh, boo-hoo.
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Everyone, look
at my latest invention!
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Okay.
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I like how it's not
killing us so far.
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It takes any object
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and makes two smaller copies.
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Ooh! All right!
Why?
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You see, as I age,
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I've been shrinking
and feeling colder.
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So I now need twice
as many sweaters,
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in a smaller size.
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First I scan the old sweater.
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Then we add some matter.
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Any old useless matter will do.
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Now the matter prism
reorganizes the raw material
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into two smaller copies.
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So that's
where baby sweaters come from.
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Enclosed as a pdf attachment:
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A picture of yourself,
in a boat, on a river.
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It's a river that flows
in two directions.
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Make that three.
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It's a magic river, that's how.
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And it's flowing down
the eerie canal to...
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The scary door.
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That's "eerie" with two e's.
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Consider,
if you have the energy,
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Dr. Daniel zenus, an inventor
with a terminal case
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of "the lazies."
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This robot
will do everything for me.
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Robot, activate yourself
and do my research.
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Ah...
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Next,
assume my social obligations.
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Dr. zenus,
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for a lifetime of
scientific achievement,
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we present this award to...
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Your robot.
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Daddy, I love you.
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If only I'd programmed the robot
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to be more careful
what I wished for.
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Robot, experience
this tragic irony for me.
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No!
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Ah...
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Ah...
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Man, I wish we had
a robot to do stuff.
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I know, right?
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Bender, thank God I
found you in time.
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I need someone
in the lab immediately,
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to fold my new sweaters.
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I'm sorry, do you see a robot
in this room named "folder"?
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Oh, fortunately, I came prepared
with a back-up phrasing.
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Bender, would you mind
"bending" my new sweaters?
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There's only two of them.
Wait. Oh.
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You want me to do two things?
Man, I'd call my lawyer
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if dialing a phone
wasn't such a hassle.
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Razza frazza two things.
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Ooh. Razza frazza duplicator.
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Now for some tasty matter.
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Howdy, fellas.
I'm Bender.
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Go to hell, old man!
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I like your attitude.
Let's party.
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But first,
fold these two sweaters.
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I'm sorry, do you see a robot
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in this room named "folder"?
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Damn, you're cute.
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♪ ♪
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Hi. I'm Bender.
This is my robot Bender,
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and this is
my other robot Bender.
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Oh, lord.
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They're 60%
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scale replicas of me, Bender.
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00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:48,620
Does that mean they only do
60% of the work you do,
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or that they actually
do more work
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because they're
only 60% as lazy?
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Shut up.
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That's a good one.
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Enough good ones, everyone.
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We have a delivery to
an alien space giant.
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You'll have to be respectful.
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This customer is 50 feet tall
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and sensitive
about his appearance.
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Colossal tooth whitener,
mega deodorant,
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humungous acne cream...
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Aw, and one
regular-sized condom.
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All that and a small wiener?
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This guy's got it goin' on!
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Remember, don't show
any reaction to his appearance.
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I hope that's vanishing cream,
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'cause that needs to go away.
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Oh, that's cold-blooded!
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Shh.
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It's okay. I understand.
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My unusual appearance
makes people nervous.
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You used humor to
defuse the tension.
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Yep, and there's still
a little more tension.
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So look out!
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You so ugly,
when trick-or-treaters come
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to your house,
they give you candy.
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You so ugly,
when you go to the bank,
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00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,730
they ask you
to put on a ski mask!
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00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,000
You so ugly, you cracked
the daily mirror.
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It's a newspaper!
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I wish it weren't so,
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but many of these things
are true.
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Anyhow, you've lowered
my self-esteem a bit more,
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but I'm sincerely grateful
you came all this way
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to deliver my fungus chisel.
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Don't feel bad, sir.
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It's not your fault.
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You probably just
inherited your appearance
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from your mother.
What?!
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No one insults my mama!
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Oh, God, shield your eyes!
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It's like Edward
James olmos on imax!
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Did you see his face
when I said he so ugly?
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No, I blacked out,
'cause he so ugly!
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Hey guys, quit reminiscing
and grab me two cigars.
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One thing each?
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Sounds fair.
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Wait, make that four cigars.
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You want us to do four things?
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My manwich!
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What's up, shorty?
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And that's the story
of how one of me became two,
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and two became four,
making seven total.
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The end.
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I just like having
the end locker.
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It's not like Amy cares
about it at all.
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But no, she won't
trade with me.
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A rat!
Yes, she is a rat.
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No, look!
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Which way to the tiny hookers?
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A big, fat roach!
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What? I thought
I put that away.
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No, there!
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Who are you?
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Bender sent me.
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♪ ♪
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Hey, I know that guy.
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Scruffy, what is that tiny
Bender doing in my soup?
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It appears to be giving
you the finger, sir. Enjoy.
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Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape!
147
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What?
148
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This place
is crawling with you's!
149
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:47,990
So there's more Benders around.
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00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,420
As far as I'm concerned,
that's good news.
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Bad news, everyone.
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Look at this infinite series
representing the mass
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of successive
generations of Benders.
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Don't wait for me.
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It's non-convergent!
156
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Oh, dip!
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00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,780
Unless we quickly
exterminate them,
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they'll replicate ad infinitum
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and consume
all the matter on earth.
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00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,050
According to my calculations,
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00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,490
there are 11 generations
at the moment.
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That's 2,046 total Benders
we need to destroy.
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Wait, does that include me?
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Too bad he didn't
have his own Bible.
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Just 2,045 more to go.
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♪ ♪
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2,045. 2,046!
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That's it. We got 'em all,
except for the big one.
169
00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:23,350
Wait, this isn't a real Bender.
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00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:26,320
It's a talking doll from
when Bender had that sitcom
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about the city robot
who moves back to the farm.
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Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.
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00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,400
All right, so I let
one measly Bender get away.
174
00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:40,200
How much harm can one infinitely
self-reproducing robot do?
175
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:43,240
Bender! How could you be
so lazy and irresponsible?
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Hey. What?
177
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,970
Did someone say I'm great?
178
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What's with the grey goo?
179
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Bite my tiny metal ass!
180
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,380
Hey, those jerklings
ate my couch.
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00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,850
Oh, God!
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00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,490
We've opened pandora's fly.
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They'll reproduce
without limit,
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00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,890
consuming all the
matter in the world!
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00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,560
Like the kardashians.
186
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,200
Now they drank my booze?!
187
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:15,130
They've gone too far!
188
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,600
Wait a second.
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All Benders are
powered by alcohol!
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00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:19,940
Of course.
191
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:22,210
Long before the Benders
devour the earth,
192
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,140
they'll deplete the
planet's booze and die off.
193
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,980
This is a problem that
will solve itself.
194
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,650
A problem that solves itself?
195
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,350
That sounds like a job
for me, Bender.
196
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,560
Our top story.
197
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:40,860
All alcohol on earth
has mysteriously disappeared.
198
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:42,660
Consequences are minimal,
199
00:11:42,730 --> 00:11:44,830
except among
the most hardened alcoholics.
200
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,370
Linda?
201
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:49,770
I can no longer
face my children!
202
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,140
Crisis averted.
203
00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:55,470
Without alcohol, the
Benders are dying off.
204
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:03,050
A greater tragedy
my eyes have never beheld.
205
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,380
Well, into the toilet.
206
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,530
So sober, so weak.
207
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:15,590
Things really worked
out nicely this time.
208
00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:24,170
This doesn't taste
like old-man water.
209
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,310
Everyone to the situation room!
210
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:29,540
I was lying here snoozing,
211
00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:33,310
dreaming, oddly enough,
about bathing in champagne
212
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:36,150
with six of the world's
most distinguished scientists,
213
00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,320
when suddenly, I realized
214
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,450
my bathwater had been
transformed into alcohol.
215
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,220
Alcohol?
216
00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:45,820
Hoo-wee!
217
00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:50,200
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
218
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,460
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
219
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:54,330
Mmm.
220
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,370
It's like fine cognac
with a hint of aged scrotum.
221
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,140
How can this be?
222
00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:03,040
I thought the Benders drank
all the alcohol in the world.
223
00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:05,510
They did,
but then they made more!
224
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:10,250
You see, once the Benders
reached atomic scale,
225
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:14,090
they began directly manipulating
water and co2 molecules
226
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:16,590
to make alcohol.
227
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:21,190
In a matter of hours,
228
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:24,600
there will be no more
fresh water on earth.
229
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,650
Oh, no!
230
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,860
What will I mix with my scotch?
231
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,740
Hey, you!
232
00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:37,840
Good evening.
233
00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:39,240
Who are you calling drunk?
234
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:40,810
You're not drunk.
I'm drunk.
235
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,610
That's right, Linda.
236
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,280
Water is now.... now booze,
237
00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:47,920
and everyone's tiddy much
protally fit-shaced.
238
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:53,990
Turning to sports,
the indy 500 was today.
239
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:56,090
There were no survivors.
240
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,000
This chair is so comfortable.
241
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:05,000
Classic Amy.
242
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,970
You want to see a
picture of my boy?
243
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,640
Sure.
244
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:11,080
That's your penis.
245
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,740
That's my boy.
246
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,650
I guess this
isn't... n-not so bad.
247
00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:18,120
As long as we don't need
to use our mental...
248
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,920
Mental...
249
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:20,890
Minds?
250
00:14:20,950 --> 00:14:22,450
What?
251
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:33,770
No, listen.
252
00:14:33,830 --> 00:14:36,200
I... freaking
love you.
253
00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,940
And I don't throw
that word around.
254
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,540
I know you don't.
255
00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:41,840
That's why I love you.
256
00:14:41,910 --> 00:14:43,940
Are the pizza muffins ready?
257
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:49,250
He's here for
revenging, that's why!
258
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,020
No! Wait!
I'm here to apologize.
259
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,690
For your looks?
260
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:56,320
Nice one.
261
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,920
Well, yes, actually,
it is sort of related to that.
262
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:00,360
Can we talk?
263
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:02,930
Grabbing your spaceship
was not okay.
264
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,260
I-I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.
265
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:09,130
In group, I learned
that I tend to be a bit...
266
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,700
Repulsive?
267
00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:12,300
Sensitive.
268
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,910
So now I'm, like,
trying to work on my attitude,
269
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:17,110
and project an air
of positivity.
270
00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:18,780
You're projecting an air
of something.
271
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,910
Phew!
272
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:24,880
You're so stinky, you need right
guard and left guard.
273
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:27,050
I'll take your hygiene advice
to heart.
274
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,620
You're ugly!
275
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:32,820
Hey! Ow!
276
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,590
Yo, freak show!
277
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,560
Your face has been declared
a weapon of mass disgusting.
278
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,300
Timeless.
279
00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:42,130
Okay, deep breath, deep breath.
280
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,740
Dr. lesterman?
281
00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:51,910
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I think I'm close
282
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,440
to a temper-control incident.
283
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,180
You have reached the office
284
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,750
of Dr. Judy lesterman
and Dr. ira rothkiss.
285
00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,180
The office is now closed.
286
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,650
If this is a pharmacy calling...
287
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,630
That's it! I promised myself
I wouldn't do this, but I...
288
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,900
I will destroy you all!
289
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:15,600
I won't stop until
your whole planet is as ugly
290
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,140
as you perceive me to be!
291
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,040
That will take a very long time.
292
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:24,110
Okay. Stop! Stop!
293
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,580
Stupid...
294
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:32,880
Ah.
295
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,520
Blender,
296
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:36,150
you're the only one who's sober.
297
00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:38,260
You got to do something!
298
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,290
Haven't I done enough already?
299
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,260
Please, stop the monster.
300
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:44,360
Just do that one thing!
301
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:46,800
Make it zero, and you got a deal.
302
00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:49,670
What if I foldeded the
Professor's sweaters for you?
303
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,700
Both of them?
304
00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:55,070
You mean you'll do two things,
and I only have to do one thing?
305
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,310
Yeah. Just save the world.
306
00:16:57,380 --> 00:17:00,110
Sucker.
307
00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:05,020
Legion of Benders, come unto me!
308
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,590
We have one thing to do.
309
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:08,920
Screw that!
310
00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:10,620
Ah, come on, you lazy jerks!
311
00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,290
If we all pitch in,
312
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,060
we each only have to do one
quintillionth of a thing.
313
00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:17,200
All right.
314
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:43,550
Big Bender starts right now.
315
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,790
Get a shave, ugly!
316
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,230
Oh.
317
00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:59,000
How about some
aftershave, dumpy?
318
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:00,940
You big bully!
319
00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:04,540
You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice
guggenheim swirly!
320
00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:14,920
Let this beating be a lesson
321
00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:18,190
about never attacking those
more handsome than oneself.
322
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:21,590
All I wanted was to
apologize to you people.
323
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:24,330
But now I have to kill you.
324
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,170
How, by making me look at you?
325
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,700
No. By making you
look at... my mama!
326
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:32,770
Your mama's so ugly!
327
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,540
I told you not to
talk about my mama!
328
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:57,900
Walk toward the light, Bender.
329
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,230
Aw, man, do I have to walk?
330
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:04,270
No!
331
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:09,170
Huh? Huh?
332
00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:17,850
No!
333
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,250
At last... I'm beautiful!
334
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,190
Yeah, if you're into gray dust.
335
00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,630
Bender, you di' it!
336
00:19:28,690 --> 00:19:31,000
No, we di' it.
337
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,970
Ladies and gentlemen,
if together we were able
338
00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:36,370
to defeat
this giant space monster,
339
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,870
think how also
we might defeat the monsters
340
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:42,240
of poverty and disease
and unliteracy.
341
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:45,010
In this spirit,
I ask my fellow Benders
342
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,880
to join me in working
diligently to...
343
00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:48,110
Boo!
344
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,080
Go to hell!
345
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:53,020
Come on, let's go someplace
where we don't have
346
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:55,490
to do one quintillionth
of a thing all the time.
347
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,940
Well, that was dumb.
348
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,640
Man, were we drunk.
349
00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:20,810
What happened, Professor?
350
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,950
Something absolutely
incredible!
351
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,050
The sweaters got folded!
352
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,550
But how?
353
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:30,090
I didn't do it.
354
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,720
Bender, did you learn a lesson
about not being lazy
355
00:20:32,790 --> 00:20:35,130
while the rest of us were bombed
out of our gourds?
356
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,660
Maybe I did, Fry.
357
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:38,330
Maybe I did.
358
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,230
Or maybe I rescued
one last mini-Bender
359
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,870
to fold stupid, ugly sweaters
while I laughed at him.
360
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,010
I guess we'll never know.
361
00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:54,300
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com