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00:00:04,010 --> 00:00:05,960
♪ Two... two, three... ♪
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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,260
♪ ♪
3
00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:17,790
Correction by Mlmlte, sync by kirklan
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,400
FRY: After centuries
as a delivery boy,
5
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,200
nothing surprises me.
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(horn honks)
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00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,500
You stink, loser.
8
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:31,900
Hey, Fry!
9
00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:34,310
Pizza going out!
Come on!
10
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:37,650
Aw, all right.
I'll take the Red Rocket.
11
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(pedals squeaking)
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(horn honking)
13
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(frustrated grunt)
14
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Hello! Pizza delivery for...
15
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:54,100
D. Frosted Wang?
16
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:56,270
Ugh, not another crank delivery!
17
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:58,100
Why don't I read these
ahead of time?
18
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,410
(laughter)
19
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,940
One time was funny.
20
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:04,240
But every week for ten years?
Not as funny.
21
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,580
True, not as funny.
But still somewhat funny.
22
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,210
(burst out laughing)
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And-and then
they burst out laughing
24
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a second time.
25
00:01:13,590 --> 00:01:16,590
(laughing)
26
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,220
(sighs)
27
00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,560
I've been a delivery boy
for a thousand years.
28
00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:23,030
Isn't there any room for
promotion around here?
29
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,630
There'll be no promotions
unless somebody dies.
30
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:28,100
And even then, only if we can't
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00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,900
bring them back as
a zombie, like Scruffy.
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00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:31,500
Life and death are
a seamless continuum.
33
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:33,070
Mm-hmm.
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00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,440
Well, could I at least
get some encouragement?
35
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,170
I could use a shot in the arm.
36
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:39,640
(screams)
I get shot in the leg!
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00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,580
(panting)
38
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:43,950
Roberto!
What are you doing here?
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00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:46,320
What? A fella can't drop in
on old friends
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and hold them hostage?
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00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:50,050
I'm good. And you?
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SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot
in the building!
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Come out with your hands up!
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Never!
SMITTY: Uh... other guy.
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Listen up, piggies,
I want a hovercopter,
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and an unmarked sandwich,
47
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and a new face with like
a, a Hugh Grant look.
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00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,530
And every five minutes
I don't get it,
49
00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:10,200
someone's going to get
stabbed in the ass!
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00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,110
ZOIDBERG:
He's bluffing. Ouch!
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00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:13,370
He's not bluffing!
52
00:02:15,110 --> 00:02:16,510
You call for a chopper?
53
00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:19,910
Nah, I specifically said
hovercopter!
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One chopper, coming up.
55
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Hi-yah!
Ah!
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(crowd applauding)
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All right!
Way to go.
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(exclaiming with approval)
(slams door)
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You know, URL,
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00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:34,560
sometimes it's almost
too much for me.
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00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,230
You mean the respect we get?
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00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:39,170
And the high level
of job satisfaction?
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00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,900
There's that, but I'm
also talking about
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the non-stop promotions
and the free hot rod.
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(engine revving)
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00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,940
Mm. I do love
a man in uniform.
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Ahem!
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00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,610
I mean a uniform that
doesn't involve short pants.
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00:02:54,650 --> 00:02:56,050
(sighs)
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00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,050
I can see I have
no future here.
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00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,920
My only option is
to resign with dignity.
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Here are my shorts.
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00:03:06,090 --> 00:03:08,430
♪ ♪
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Hello. I'd like to enroll
in Police Academy.
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You think you can
just waltz in here
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00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,570
with no pants and become a cop?
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That's the plan.
I like you, kid.
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00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,970
I got no pants on, either.
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00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:22,210
I can see that. You're
quite a bit taller than me.
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00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,540
Welcome to Police Academy.
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00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,010
Hi, I'm Fry.
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I'm a Sound Effects 5000.
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(siren noise)
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(machine gun firing,
explosion noises)
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(helicopter blades rotating)
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Weep, wop, beep!
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00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:37,150
Wow. That would be impressive
if you were a human.
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00:03:37,190 --> 00:03:39,260
Yeah.
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00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:40,560
On your feet for
Chief O'Manahan.
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00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:41,960
At ease, cadets.
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I'll make this short and sweet,
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'cause I'm PMSing
like a lumberjack.
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00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,170
Police Academy
is not for everybody.
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00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,230
You're gonna get
your boob scuffed.
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00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,440
But if you've got
the vulva to stick it out,
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00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:54,240
I'll be proud
to call you ladies policemen.
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00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:55,570
Sir! Yes, ma'am!
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00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,580
(engine starting)
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00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,080
(engine roaring,
tires squealing)
100
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:03,180
(woman screams, gunfire,
siren wailing)
101
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:04,820
Yeah. That's great.
102
00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,850
Now, can you actually
turn on the ignition?
103
00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,150
I don't have any hands.
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(gunfire)
105
00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,260
(trigger clicking)
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00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,470
(lightsaber humming)
107
00:04:27,870 --> 00:04:30,070
Well, it's that
time of the month.
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00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:32,080
Graduation day.
109
00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:35,410
So grow a pair and put them
together for our new officers!
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00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,410
(applause)
111
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:38,880
(cheering)
Good job!
112
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,580
Hooray for the pigs!
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00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:43,490
Graduates, you are hereby
officially cops.
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Now move it along,
nothing to see here.
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(cheering)
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Hooray! Free sky sticks!
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Oh!
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Police brutality!
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(hawks and spits)
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Nice...
All right.
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Before we head out, I'll be
teaming up our new officers
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with their
ironically matched partners.
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Sound Effects 5000,
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you'll be with Cranski.
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(crowd cheering)
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Ow, my tinnitus!
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Fry, due to the unfortunate loss
of Officer Smith,
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00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,340
you'll be riding with URL.
129
00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:24,810
And Smitty was just
a few days from retirement.
130
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,170
Wh-What happened?
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He took a early
retirement. Damn.
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Let's get down to business.
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Aren't you going to say,
"Good news, everyone"?
134
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:39,890
Oh, I just said that
for Fry's benefit.
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Made the poor fellow feel better
about his pointless job.
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00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,960
As much as I miss him,
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00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:46,960
he didn't really serve
much purpose around here.
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Though he did walk Zoidberg.
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(whines)
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In any case,
I've improved on Fry
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00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,470
by sticking some wheels on
a board, so Leela and Bender
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00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:59,540
can easily make the next
delivery without him.
143
00:05:59,580 --> 00:06:01,280
Me? So where we going?
144
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Pandora.
145
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:05,150
That dangerous 3D planet?
146
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,910
Can't we just send our avatars?
147
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,850
No, it's cheaper
just to have you die.
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00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:13,890
(tires screeching)
149
00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:19,900
Whoa. 15 miles over
the speed of light.
150
00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:23,370
That's a violation of the law
of Lorentz's invariants, baby.
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00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,770
Light 'em up.
152
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,940
(siren wails, engines rev)
153
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,560
Look out for that
particular individual!
154
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,300
An electric wall, eh?
155
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:54,230
I can't see the harm
in peeing on that.
156
00:06:54,270 --> 00:06:55,530
(unzips)
157
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,570
(electrical zap)
158
00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:10,110
Whoa! Where'd my man learn that?
159
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:12,280
Sunny D commercial.
160
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,360
Let's refract this sucker.
161
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,060
(screams)
162
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,900
(tires screeching)
163
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(six overlapping screams)
164
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(metal crunching)
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00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:37,470
(groans)
166
00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:39,310
DNA and career chip, please.
167
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:41,180
(scanner beeps)
168
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,050
EARL:
Erwin Schrodinger, huh?
169
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,180
What's in the box, Schrodinger?
170
00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:49,020
Um... a cat, some poison,
and a cesium atom.
171
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,820
The cat: is it
alive or dead?
172
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,020
Alive or dead?
173
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:53,520
Answer him, fool.
174
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,190
It's a superposition
of both states
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00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:58,460
until you open it and
collapse the wave function.
176
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Says you.
177
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:03,470
(yowls)
178
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:06,070
There's also
a lot of drugs in there.
179
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,520
So... you're a robot?
180
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,260
(sighs)
181
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:27,160
(buzzing)
182
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,830
You boys did good.
183
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:31,100
Nailed a major violator
of the laws of physics.
184
00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:32,830
He's going down.
185
00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:34,400
Cat's gonna testify.
186
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,970
Guys like this
really bust my uterus.
187
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,510
You're both getting a promotion.
188
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,540
Ever heard of the
Future Crimes Division?
189
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,180
Tomorrow, I have.
190
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,520
LEELA:
Oops.
191
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,390
I can't make out a thing.
192
00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:01,100
Well, I guess you should
have had two eyes.
193
00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:03,860
Just deliver the package,
and let's get out of here.
194
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:06,470
Screw that! I ain't
no delivery boy.
195
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,100
I'm the company chef.
196
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,470
Oh, you're the chef, are you?
197
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:13,070
Then why don't you make us
something nice to eat?
198
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:15,440
(grumbling)
199
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:21,180
Here's your damn peanut butter
and jelly sandwich!
200
00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:30,030
LAB TECHNICIAN: Now that we can predict
crimes with 99% accuracy,
201
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,360
we can arrest most perpetrators
202
00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:33,200
before they even
perpetrate anything.
203
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:34,430
That's ridiculous.
204
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:36,530
Only horoscopes
can predict the future.
205
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:38,100
That's what we used to think.
206
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,470
Until we invented... this.
207
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,380
Ooh.
208
00:09:47,410 --> 00:09:48,950
Slow down, baby.
209
00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:50,520
The Cybernetic Oracle.
210
00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,580
The ultimate man-machine hybrid.
211
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,990
Programmed with
every crime ever recorded,
212
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:56,450
and implanted
with the brain cells
213
00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:58,260
of history's
greatest detectives.
214
00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,290
We call him...
Pickles.
215
00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:02,830
On account of it's like
he's floating in a jar?
216
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,400
Exactly.
217
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:07,330
The Oracle's visions are
recorded on these colored balls.
218
00:10:07,370 --> 00:10:10,000
Green is larceny.
Black is fraud.
219
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:12,070
Red: homicide.
220
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:14,470
What's pink polka-dots?
Clown slaughter.
221
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:16,470
It happens more often
than you'd think.
222
00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:18,240
(alarm sounds)
223
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,440
Floater in the bowl!
224
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,440
Red ball. Homicide!
225
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,910
Whoo!
226
00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:25,410
(beeps)
227
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,250
Suspect: male, six foot one.
228
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,220
Distinctive mustard stain
on his forehead.
229
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,950
My kajigger!
230
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:35,360
Victim: Hattie McDoogal.
231
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,900
Look, the clock says 5:08.
232
00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,570
It's 4:30 right now.
233
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,070
Uh-oh, we only have
a half hour to chill out
234
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,170
before we head over.
235
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,910
(parakeets chirping)
236
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,510
(kissing sounds)
237
00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:52,240
Oh, Hattie.
238
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,440
When I look into
your one good eye,
239
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,250
I see a reflection of beauty.
240
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,420
Oh! Fresh.
241
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,420
(door bursts open)
242
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,120
Freeze, fool.
243
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:02,820
You're under arrest
for future murder!
244
00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:06,020
Yeah? You can't arrest
me for future murder...
245
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,960
after it's right now murder!
246
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,230
My kajigger!
247
00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:12,160
(birds twittering,
glass shatters)
248
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,900
(screaming)
249
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:15,130
(thud)
250
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:18,500
So he didn't really
want to marry me?
251
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,970
Nah. See, he knew
you left everything
252
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,010
to your parakeets in your will.
253
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,880
He was going to murder you,
marry your parakeets,
254
00:11:25,910 --> 00:11:28,580
and then poison them with
an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.
255
00:11:28,610 --> 00:11:30,280
Classic move.
256
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,120
Aw, yeah.
257
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,920
(cigar puffing, hacking sounds)
258
00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,850
Congratulations
on your big bust.
259
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:37,290
You, too.
260
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,320
Keep it up, and you boys
might just make detective.
261
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,860
Now, if you'll excuse me,
262
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,530
I got to go drop a big one.
263
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,160
Wow. I can't
believe it.
264
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,100
One more promotion,
and I'll be a real detective,
265
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:51,340
like Sherlock Holmes
or Speed Buggy.
266
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:52,540
(baby fussing)
267
00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:53,940
Eight pounds.
268
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:55,140
I'm naming her Burt.
269
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:56,540
Mazel tov, Chief.
270
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:58,980
That's a beautiful
bathroom baby.
271
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,410
Hey, you heading home, Phil?
272
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:04,920
In a minute.
273
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:06,280
I just want to finish
this paperless work.
274
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,990
Don't stay up too late.
275
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:11,560
We got a lot of people
to shoot tomorrow.
276
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,030
(alarm blaring)
277
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:17,330
Hello! Anyone?
278
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,630
(groans) There's never a cop
around when you need one.
279
00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,600
COMPUTER:
Green ball. Larceny.
280
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:27,940
(explosion booming)
281
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,140
(growling)
282
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:33,410
(fires)
283
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,310
Hmm.
284
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:37,880
The thief seems to be
some sort of ghost.
285
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,890
Or is he?
286
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:44,290
Aah! Bender?
287
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,660
(maniacal laughter)
288
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,970
Item seven: Our
corporate tax rate
289
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,400
remained unchanged
this fiscal year.
290
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,770
That's not funny.
291
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,010
It's not supposed to be funny.
292
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,410
It's a business meeting.
293
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,540
Things used to be funny
around here.
294
00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:04,980
Noses were picked,
pants fell down.
295
00:13:05,010 --> 00:13:06,510
So what changed?
296
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:09,720
Only Fry could say,
and he's gone.
297
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,250
AMY:
Hey.
298
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,550
Bender and Leela are back
from Pandora.
299
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:13,950
How was it?
300
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:15,420
Awful.
301
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,320
We had nothing to
say to each other,
302
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,930
so we had to listen to Bender's
Eagles album for 27 hours.
303
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,330
Beats talking to you,
witchy woman.
304
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,330
BENDER:
Hey, he's back!
305
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,900
Look at you.
Hubba hubba.
306
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,630
Your pants go almost all the way
to your ankles.
307
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:30,340
Good afternoon, individuals.
308
00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:32,270
Sir, would you mind
stepping out of the building?
309
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,040
Normally, when a cop
asks me that,
310
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,780
I spray whip cream
in his eyes and run away,
311
00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:39,310
but to ditch
these losers, gladly.
312
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,450
Bender, be honest with me.
313
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,980
Are you planning a big heist?
314
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:45,850
Usually, but not at the moment.
315
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:47,790
I only ask
'cause the Oracle thinks
316
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:51,030
you're going to pull off
a major theft next Thursday.
317
00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:52,530
Next Thursday, you say?
318
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,360
Pray, continue.
319
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,570
Are you familiar with
this particular location?
320
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,270
I may have a burgling
familiarity with it.
321
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,270
Does the word "Maltese"
mean anything to you?
322
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,370
The Maltese Liquor--
the strongest,
323
00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:07,940
the most valuable malt liquor
ever brewed!
324
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,650
And soon it will be mine.
325
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:11,980
(chuckling)
326
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:13,680
I'm sorry.
You were saying?
327
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,280
Bender, I'm only
telling you this
328
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,020
so you can avoid
committing the crime.
329
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:20,360
"Avoid committing
the crime." Got it.
330
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:23,490
You wrote "commit the crime"!
331
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:31,600
Oh, there's got to be some way
to stop Bender.
332
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,300
Maybe something
in the Oracle's predictions
333
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,570
that I missed before
due to incompetence.
334
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,340
(fires)
335
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:40,340
Wait.
Who's the trigger-happy jerk?
336
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,750
(gasps) That's me!
337
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,320
I recognize the face.
338
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,020
(fires)
339
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:51,590
You shot me!
340
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:53,760
You miserable dingus!
(Groans)
341
00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:56,690
No! No!
What have I will have done?
342
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,400
Man, that's heavy.
Osmium heavy.
343
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:02,400
Wha...? Are you going to turn me
in for concealing evidence?
344
00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:03,600
Say what?
345
00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:04,800
You're my partner, home Fry.
346
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,470
Besides, I got my own secrets.
347
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:10,010
Anything big worth checking out?
348
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,640
Just your big
jangly booty, baby.
349
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,910
See you tonight, toots.
350
00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:16,650
(clanging)
351
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:17,850
(door opens)
352
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,380
You... and the chief?
353
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,380
Mm-hmm. We been gettin' it on.
354
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,420
Right there in your chair.
355
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:27,390
I'm like, "Oh,
baby! Oh, baby!"
356
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:32,060
And she's like,
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
357
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,960
(fires, Bender groans)
358
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,970
I would never shoot Bender.
Never!
359
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,900
He taught me how to shave.
360
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,970
(alarm blaring)
361
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,670
Revision ball.
362
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,670
By deciding not
to shoot Bender,
363
00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:48,880
you created an
alternate future.
364
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:51,610
I could never
shoot you. Never!
365
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:52,980
You taught me how to shave.
366
00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:54,410
See?
367
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:55,950
Just get out of here.
368
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,590
Go!
369
00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:01,460
Now, dig the unintended
consequences.
370
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,930
My friends, let us
share this booze
371
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,990
in a toast to our
dear friend, Bender.
372
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:09,400
(all gagging)
373
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:17,570
Oops.
374
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,340
The Maltese Liquor
done destroyed their brains.
375
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,370
Fools should have
known it's fatal
376
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:25,440
for anyone but robots
and Billy Dee Williams.
377
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,620
So, if I don't shoot Bender,
all my other friends will die?
378
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:31,420
Fate is a freaky mistress.
379
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:32,880
Much like the chief.
380
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,290
Look out!
381
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,590
Something's not right.
382
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:36,920
I refuse to believe it.
383
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,620
Rewind.
384
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,730
(crickets chirping)
385
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,830
(doorbell chimes)
386
00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:47,700
Ooh.
387
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,870
Are you the calloused
working man I ordered?
388
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,710
Uh, sure.
389
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:55,380
In order to fix
your leaky roof,
390
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:57,080
I'll need to spend
two or three hours
391
00:16:57,110 --> 00:16:58,640
down here in the wine cellar.
392
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,750
I'll be upstairs
putting batteries in things.
393
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:05,750
Whoa!
394
00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:08,650
The Maltese Liquor.
395
00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:10,620
40 ounces of heaven!
396
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,460
(growling)
397
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,030
Here, boy.
398
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:15,830
This is for you.
399
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:19,530
Ah.
400
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,500
Hmm.
401
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,580
Invisible safe, eh?
402
00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:31,680
(chuckling)
403
00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:32,980
Aah!
404
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,980
(small explosion, door creaks)
405
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,980
Ah, yeah, baby!
406
00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:40,050
210 proof.
407
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,320
FRY: That's all
the proof I need.
408
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,660
Put the bottle back.
409
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:46,290
We both know I won't do that.
410
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:47,790
Either you're going
to shoot me,
411
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,830
or I'm going to spray
whip cream in your eyes
412
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,700
and walk out of here
like a big shot.
413
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,760
Bender, no!
You don't have to do something
414
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,370
just 'cause it's going
to happen.
415
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,740
The future's making a chump
out of you.
416
00:17:57,770 --> 00:18:00,810
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to
make a chump out of the future.
417
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,670
I'm not stealing anything!
418
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:05,440
Yes! I stopped the crime
without shooting you.
419
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,980
The Oracle was wrong.
420
00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:09,050
PICKLES:
Was I?
421
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,250
Pickles?
Yes.
422
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,550
It is I, Pickles.
423
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,250
I set the whole thing up.
424
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:16,990
Everyone will think
Bender's the thief
425
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:19,960
while I make off
with that glorious brew.
426
00:18:19,990 --> 00:18:21,790
Seriously? Why?
427
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:24,560
So I can kill
my human brain cells.
428
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,700
Do you have any idea
what a burden it is
429
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,030
to know everything
that will ever happen?
430
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,770
To never be surprised.
431
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,700
To know the punch line
of every joke hours in advance.
432
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:35,870
Like watching Leno.
433
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,710
And that is why I faked
434
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:39,680
the prediction of this crime.
435
00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:41,780
Nevertheless--
stay with me here--
436
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:45,650
things will now happen
just as I fake predicted.
437
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,020
Bender, you're going
to hand me that bottle.
438
00:18:49,050 --> 00:18:50,690
Not that one!
439
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,460
The real one,
which you switched
440
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,390
when Fry stupidly looked away.
441
00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:55,490
Hey.
442
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:56,700
Ah, man.
443
00:18:56,730 --> 00:18:59,030
Why you got to be
so Oracle-y?
444
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,900
Fry, you are going
to shoot Bender,
445
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:04,300
killing him and shattering
the fake bottle,
446
00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:05,840
just as I predicted.
447
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,270
Do it!
448
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,540
It is your destiny!
449
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,780
Funny thing about destiny.
450
00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:12,980
Sometimes fate has other plans.
451
00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,910
(fires, bullet ricochets)
452
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,480
Oh, nuts.
453
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:18,690
You shot me!
454
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,760
You miserable dingus!
(Groans)
455
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:23,960
And now the part
I didn't show you.
456
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,400
(gun fires, Fry groans)
457
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:28,260
Everyone will think
Bender killed you,
458
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,000
and I walk away
with the goofy juice!
459
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:35,610
(brain sparks and shrivels)
(sighing)
460
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,410
Finally, blissful ignorance.
461
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,010
I have no idea
what's going to happen next.
462
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,050
FRY: Did you get that, Chief?
Huh?
463
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:50,280
We got it all from behind
this prediction-proof glass.
464
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,750
But how could you know
my prediction was fake?
465
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:54,960
I knew something was wrong,
466
00:19:54,990 --> 00:19:56,760
but I couldn't put
my finger on it.
467
00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:58,760
Then it hit me.
(beeps)
468
00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:00,390
You showed Bender
469
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:03,300
sharing the deadly booze
with our friends.
470
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:04,630
Bender would never share.
471
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,970
The very idea!
472
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,500
So we set up
this little charade
473
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,570
based on an episode
of Speed Buggy.
474
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,910
With the added benefit
of me and the chief
475
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:16,510
being locked in a small room.
476
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,980
(moans and kisses)
477
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:22,050
Shall we adjourn
to the dungeon?
478
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,460
Well, I got my shield
for stopping Bender.
479
00:20:28,490 --> 00:20:30,530
(cheering)
480
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,960
But then I got fired
for tipping off Bender.
481
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,770
(cheering)
482
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,330
Fry, we have no idea
what you do around here,
483
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,470
but we desperately
need you back.
484
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,410
Really? Um, I don't suppose
there's any chance
485
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,040
I could get a promotion.
486
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:46,440
Sure. What the heck?
487
00:20:46,990 --> 00:20:52,030
I hear by promotion,
executive delivery boy.
488
00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:53,330
Executive?
489
00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:55,020
It's a meaning less title.
490
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,970
But it helps insecure people
feel better about themselves.
491
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,420
I feel better about myself!