1
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Previously on Awkward...

2
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:04,755
Jenna, you could disappear
and no one would notice.

3
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,716
Everyone one thinks I tried to kill myself.
And there's a lame guy selling t-shirts.

4
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,344
- I don't think you tried to kill yourself.
- Jenna, I like you.

5
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,055
I'm just not sure I'm ready
to be in a relationship.

6
00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:20,049
It was Saturday,
but instead of kicking back

7
00:00:20,174 --> 00:00:22,217
my mother was forcing me
to attend a party

8
00:00:22,342 --> 00:00:24,920
Thrown by the elite
mother/daughter charity league,

9
00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:27,156
known as the knick-knackers.

10
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,658
Unfortunately, three spots were open,

11
00:00:29,783 --> 00:00:32,327
and I was sick at the thought
of actually landing one.

12
00:00:32,452 --> 00:00:33,762
'Cause the knick-knackers

13
00:00:33,887 --> 00:00:35,564
weren't obsessed
with helping the homeless.

14
00:00:35,689 --> 00:00:38,434
They were obsessed with plastic.

15
00:00:38,559 --> 00:00:41,208
Plastic was the power currency
of Palos Verdes,

16
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,706
in the skin and in the wallet.

17
00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:45,374
To be a certified P.V. mom

18
00:00:45,499 --> 00:00:46,942
meant you had to rock
a bodacious body

19
00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:48,644
and a black AmEx,

20
00:00:48,769 --> 00:00:50,634
neither of which
were earned by a day job.

21
00:00:52,538 --> 00:00:54,763
To a P.V. mom,
"working" meant working out

22
00:00:55,242 --> 00:00:56,585
or working a room

23
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:58,187
or being a knick-knacker.

24
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:00,122
And my mom was gonna
stay up in my grill

25
00:01:00,247 --> 00:01:01,490
until she became one.

26
00:01:01,615 --> 00:01:04,356
Sweetie, please try and
make a good impression.

27
00:01:04,818 --> 00:01:06,566
- I'm trying.
- Try harder.

28
00:01:07,054 --> 00:01:08,330
Did we miss anything?

29
00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:10,566
Tamara was positively
paranoid getting ready.

30
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:12,101
'Cause you hijacked my fave footies.

31
00:01:12,226 --> 00:01:13,699
Mom, I did you a solid.

32
00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:15,838
You can't wear sandals with
a tweaked toe stitch.

33
00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:17,406
Do these wedges look cheapsky?

34
00:01:17,531 --> 00:01:19,454
No, not at all.
No, they look very chic.

35
00:01:19,933 --> 00:01:21,343
Love you.

36
00:01:21,468 --> 00:01:23,291
Okay, now it's time to divide...

37
00:01:23,704 --> 00:01:25,637
And conquer.

38
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,172
Where is your name tag?

39
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:30,986
I'm trying to keep a low pro.

40
00:01:31,111 --> 00:01:33,822
Heed off any embarrassment for you.

41
00:01:33,947 --> 00:01:35,679
Too late.

42
00:01:36,149 --> 00:01:37,426
As always, I was powerless

43
00:01:37,551 --> 00:01:39,228
to my mother's subtle persuasion.

44
00:01:39,353 --> 00:01:42,097
I was also strangely
powerless to the feeling

45
00:01:42,222 --> 00:01:45,689
that the house belonged to
someone emotionally disturbed.

46
00:01:46,059 --> 00:01:49,151
Or worse, evil incarnate.

47
00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:53,575
Mo to the fo.

48
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,241
I was in Sadie Saxton's house.

49
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:02,038
<font color="#3399FF">Sync and correction by Tof</font>
<font color="#3399FF">www.addic7ed.com</font>

50
00:02:02,441 --> 00:02:04,253
You know this is a charity league,

51
00:02:04,378 --> 00:02:05,921
not a charity, right?

52
00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:07,422
Can I get a name tag?

53
00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,091
When you cut your name
across your wrist,

54
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,626
is it with one "n" or two?

55
00:02:10,751 --> 00:02:13,008
Ha. Two.

56
00:02:15,421 --> 00:02:17,622
You're welcome.

57
00:02:20,393 --> 00:02:22,059
Whoa there.

58
00:02:22,496 --> 00:02:24,394
Hi, I didn't expect to see you here.

59
00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:27,209
Just a little part-time gig.

60
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,611
Sadie hooked me up.
So what's going on?

61
00:02:29,736 --> 00:02:31,013
You wanna be a knick-knacker?

62
00:02:31,138 --> 00:02:32,247
No, I do not.

63
00:02:32,372 --> 00:02:33,348
My mother does.

64
00:02:33,473 --> 00:02:34,683
I'm here under duress.

65
00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:36,281
Well, you look nice.

66
00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:38,020
- I do?
- Yeah.

67
00:02:38,145 --> 00:02:40,055
Thank you.

68
00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:41,290
So did you get my text?

69
00:02:41,415 --> 00:02:43,205
About hanging out tonight, yes.

70
00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:46,166
But I...
Better get back to work.

71
00:02:48,154 --> 00:02:49,669
Is McKibben schlocking cocktails?

72
00:02:50,157 --> 00:02:51,400
Yes, we just talked.

73
00:02:51,525 --> 00:02:52,568
But he seemed a little distant.

74
00:02:52,693 --> 00:02:53,735
Do I look like a hooker?

75
00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:55,771
My mom made me wear mascara.

76
00:02:55,896 --> 00:02:57,873
Or do you think Matty knows
Jake kissed me?

77
00:02:57,998 --> 00:02:59,408
No way.
Guys don't talk.

78
00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:01,310
Plus, you said it was an accident.

79
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I'd say the freak-a-deak
was in response

80
00:03:03,537 --> 00:03:06,515
to your name tag.

81
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,516
Bitch.

82
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:12,988
You have to be cruel to be kind.

83
00:03:13,113 --> 00:03:14,790
Why does that expression
sound so familiar?

84
00:03:14,915 --> 00:03:16,425
It's number seven on the letter.

85
00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:18,073
You have to be cruel to be kind.

86
00:03:18,518 --> 00:03:20,575
Both: Sadie wrote the letter!

87
00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:23,098
Welcome, ladies.

88
00:03:23,223 --> 00:03:24,833
I am Darlene Saxton,

89
00:03:24,958 --> 00:03:27,002
president of the knick-knackers,

90
00:03:27,127 --> 00:03:31,607
and this is my beautiful
and dedicated daughter Sadie.

91
00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:32,975
Beautiful?
Questionable.

92
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,077
Dedicated?
Not a question.

93
00:03:35,202 --> 00:03:37,592
Sadie was dedicated
to making my life hell.

94
00:03:38,038 --> 00:03:39,386
After today's orientation,

95
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,099
A few of you will be invited
to join a chapter event,

96
00:03:44,644 --> 00:03:47,894
and from there three of you
will be initiated.

97
00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:50,438
Okay, go.
Pretend to fit in.

98
00:03:52,284 --> 00:03:54,192
What do you think?

99
00:03:54,621 --> 00:03:56,265
It was the mother of my enemy.

100
00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:57,821
I like it.
Is it Gessick?

101
00:03:58,258 --> 00:03:59,781
You have a good eye.

102
00:04:00,227 --> 00:04:02,471
My husband, he thinks
it's pretentious vandalism.

103
00:04:02,596 --> 00:04:05,662
But really, it's my husband
who's pretentious.

104
00:04:06,066 --> 00:04:07,476
Darlene seemed cool.

105
00:04:07,601 --> 00:04:08,874
Maybe Sadie was adopted.

106
00:04:09,302 --> 00:04:10,512
I just bought another piece.

107
00:04:10,758 --> 00:04:12,627
Come.

108
00:04:19,178 --> 00:04:22,457
Your home is spectacular.

109
00:04:22,582 --> 00:04:24,059
I know.

110
00:04:24,184 --> 00:04:26,061
But it'll need a serious scrubbing

111
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,296
after all the trash leaves.

112
00:04:27,421 --> 00:04:28,664
It must be frustrating

113
00:04:28,789 --> 00:04:30,766
putting on a show
with girls you don't like.

114
00:04:30,891 --> 00:04:32,480
I don't.
I tell it like I see it.

115
00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:34,482
And as I see it, there's a girl here

116
00:04:34,928 --> 00:04:36,401
who should be shot.

117
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:41,364
Your hair has so much shine.

118
00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:43,045
Thank you, it's natural.

119
00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:45,580
I wish my daughter had that shine.

120
00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:47,162
Do you know Jenna?

121
00:04:47,641 --> 00:04:50,332
Only by reputation.

122
00:04:50,811 --> 00:04:53,210
She seems very special.

123
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,725
Oh, especially when
she does her hair.

124
00:04:56,850 --> 00:05:00,258
So why is she... never mind.

125
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:01,663
No, you can ask me anything.

126
00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:04,763
Is she mentally ill?

127
00:05:05,158 --> 00:05:07,807
Honey, can you fix my friend
up with a drink please?

128
00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:09,237
Excuse me.

129
00:05:09,362 --> 00:05:10,405
Ah, Sabrina.

130
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:11,673
What do you want?

131
00:05:11,798 --> 00:05:13,442
I wanted to hang out with him.

132
00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,357
- Ginger ale?
- Any ginger ale down there?

133
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:18,347
I hadn't seen Jake
since he'd impulsively

134
00:05:18,472 --> 00:05:20,362
shoved his tongue down my throat.

135
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:21,950
And by the look of him,

136
00:05:22,204 --> 00:05:24,219
you'd have thought
I never gave it back.

137
00:05:24,344 --> 00:05:27,744
Babe.

138
00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:35,168
Anyway, babe, make sure you grab

139
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,003
a bottle of schnapps for later,'kay?

140
00:05:37,524 --> 00:05:40,015
L-ee!

141
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:42,634
Dude.
What's going on?

142
00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:44,806
Miss Montgomery feel you up too?

143
00:05:44,931 --> 00:05:47,514
Okay, look, here's the deal.

144
00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:49,044
Okay, but you gotta promise

145
00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:50,278
You're not gonna tell anybody, okay?

146
00:05:50,403 --> 00:05:51,513
Yeah, put away your titties
and tell me.

147
00:05:51,638 --> 00:05:53,115
I kissed Jenna Hamilton.

148
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,283
- What?
- Just...

149
00:05:55,408 --> 00:05:56,618
What are you doing?

150
00:05:56,743 --> 00:06:00,756
Snooping.
I found Satan's room.

151
00:06:00,881 --> 00:06:02,320
Oh, we should not be in here.

152
00:06:02,716 --> 00:06:03,892
Of course we should.

153
00:06:04,017 --> 00:06:06,962
The cow has perpetually
tried sabotaging your life.

154
00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:10,161
Time to sabotage hers.

155
00:06:10,590 --> 00:06:11,733
What are you doing?

156
00:06:11,858 --> 00:06:13,635
- I'm gonna pee on her bed.
- You can't.

157
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,334
You're right.
It'll leave DNA.

158
00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:23,591
She has straight a's?

159
00:06:24,225 --> 00:06:25,313
Made sense.

160
00:06:25,438 --> 00:06:27,229
To be a raging bitch,
Sadie had to be clever.

161
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,764
And to be clever,
she had to be smart.

162
00:06:32,044 --> 00:06:33,393
Of course.

163
00:06:33,847 --> 00:06:35,624
She rides horses.

164
00:06:35,749 --> 00:06:39,024
Dude, how big is that horse?

165
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,396
O.M.G.

166
00:06:41,521 --> 00:06:42,898
I found the mother lode.

167
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:44,821
That's not cool.
That's her diary.

168
00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:50,160
What a you doing in here?

169
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:51,661
Adjusting.

170
00:06:52,098 --> 00:06:53,775
Jenna sat on a votive,
so we had to hide the hole.

171
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,957
All done.
No more ass crack.

172
00:06:59,138 --> 00:07:00,378
Okay!

173
00:07:02,141 --> 00:07:03,351
The diary was seductive,

174
00:07:03,476 --> 00:07:05,554
And yet reading it just didn't...

175
00:07:05,679 --> 00:07:07,622
- Ahh!
- Sit right.

176
00:07:07,747 --> 00:07:09,846
I think our chances are strong.

177
00:07:10,183 --> 00:07:12,390
Did you see how much darlene
took a liking to you?

178
00:07:12,752 --> 00:07:14,296
We are all but in.

179
00:07:14,421 --> 00:07:16,264
Are you sure this is a good idea?

180
00:07:16,389 --> 00:07:18,166
We can volunteer on our own.

181
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,736
Yeah, but then what's in it for us?

182
00:07:21,861 --> 00:07:24,152
Sweetie, are you
feeling too much pressure?

183
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,738
Mrs. Saxton's daughter mentioned...

184
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,443
Sadie.
What did Sadie mention?

185
00:07:28,568 --> 00:07:31,034
She said you were acting
a little strange at school.

186
00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:32,494
Are you feeling okay?

187
00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:34,954
- She seemed really worried.
- I'm sure she is.

188
00:07:35,242 --> 00:07:36,623
But there's nothing
to worry about, mom.

189
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:38,958
We are gonna rock the knick-knackers.

190
00:07:39,246 --> 00:07:40,835
We are!

191
00:07:41,147 --> 00:07:44,756
Now I am gonna go rock dinner.

192
00:07:46,952 --> 00:07:48,163
Enough was enough.

193
00:07:48,288 --> 00:07:49,498
I was tired of being powerless

194
00:07:49,623 --> 00:07:51,554
to Sadie's sinister savagery.

195
00:07:51,925 --> 00:07:54,891
It was time for me to employ
my own mean girl ammunition.

196
00:07:55,262 --> 00:07:56,442
But it turns out,

197
00:07:56,567 --> 00:07:58,206
I didn't just have Sadie's diary.

198
00:07:58,331 --> 00:07:59,908
I had her food journal.

199
00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:02,177
And the one thing Sadie
would never want to get out,

200
00:08:02,302 --> 00:08:03,366
her weight.

201
00:08:05,475 --> 00:08:06,686
It's her food diary?

202
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,121
And a log of her weight.

203
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:09,689
She's actually making
a lot of strides.

204
00:08:09,814 --> 00:08:11,416
I gotta see it.
Where is it?

205
00:08:11,682 --> 00:08:13,284
At home.
I couldn't risk losing it.

206
00:08:13,584 --> 00:08:15,061
I mean, now that I have
the upper hand,

207
00:08:15,186 --> 00:08:17,205
I need to figure out how to play it.

208
00:08:17,588 --> 00:08:19,833
You play your hand by letting
her know you have a hand.

209
00:08:20,224 --> 00:08:21,467
Then you hold it over her head

210
00:08:21,592 --> 00:08:22,835
so she'll leave you alone.

211
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,203
So I just walk up to her and say,

212
00:08:24,328 --> 00:08:25,671
"Hey, Sadie,
I have your food journal.

213
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,106
And yeah, I stole it."

214
00:08:27,231 --> 00:08:28,374
That'll go over well.

215
00:08:28,499 --> 00:08:30,101
Think about the little people.

216
00:08:30,368 --> 00:08:31,744
She's not just ruining your life.

217
00:08:31,869 --> 00:08:34,013
She's ruining everyone's.

218
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,449
You suck at being anorexic.

219
00:08:36,574 --> 00:08:39,118
Time to embrace bulimia.

220
00:08:39,401 --> 00:08:40,453
You're welcome.

221
00:08:40,578 --> 00:08:42,738
If you just admit
your parents are cousins,

222
00:08:42,863 --> 00:08:46,575
people will stop making fun
of your learning disability.

223
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:47,827
You're welcome.

224
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:49,128
Be <i>muy excelente</i>

225
00:08:49,253 --> 00:08:50,863
at gardening or busing tables,

226
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,733
And maybe you'll get
to stay in this country.

227
00:08:53,858 --> 00:08:54,784
<i>De nada.</i>

228
00:08:55,092 --> 00:08:56,828
J, this is your chance to be a hero.

229
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,164
You have all the power.

230
00:08:59,463 --> 00:09:01,908
Yeah, but with power
comes responsibility.

231
00:09:02,033 --> 00:09:03,376
I have to be strategic.

232
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,411
What I need is a plan.

233
00:09:05,536 --> 00:09:06,963
And a mature perspective.

234
00:09:07,238 --> 00:09:08,714
Something eating you up?

235
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,316
Actually, yes, there's this girl,

236
00:09:10,441 --> 00:09:11,551
this very mean girl,

237
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,219
who's been out to get me,

238
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:15,221
and recently I came into possession

239
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,557
of something
that could bring her down.

240
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,959
But I'm not ready to resort
to fighting fire with fire,

241
00:09:20,084 --> 00:09:21,761
and yet I'm not really sure
talking things out

242
00:09:21,886 --> 00:09:24,297
Is a good idea.

243
00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:26,098
You did the right thing
by coming to me.

244
00:09:26,223 --> 00:09:27,500
Who is this problem child?

245
00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:28,902
Sadie Saxton.

246
00:09:29,293 --> 00:09:31,905
Oh, my.

247
00:09:32,229 --> 00:09:34,340
Oh, my, oh, my,
oh, my, oh, my, oh, my.

248
00:09:34,465 --> 00:09:36,367
And you're not comfortable
with blackmail?

249
00:09:38,535 --> 00:09:40,012
Ugh, I can see
why you're in a pickle.

250
00:09:40,137 --> 00:09:42,749
You and I both know how
manipulative Sadie can be,

251
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,250
and I bet that makes you angry.

252
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,685
You probably want to fight her.

253
00:09:45,810 --> 00:09:47,920
Yeah, no, it makes me angry,

254
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,121
but I don't...

255
00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:50,590
But she is bigger than you,

256
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,858
she is stronger than you,
and she's a whole lot meaner.

257
00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:56,796
So if you're gonna fight her,
you have to fight dirty.

258
00:09:56,921 --> 00:09:58,664
Pull her hair, scratch her eyes out,

259
00:09:58,789 --> 00:09:59,932
punch her in those big old fun bags.

260
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,033
Boom, boom.

261
00:10:01,158 --> 00:10:02,702
You're encouraging me to fight her?

262
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:04,036
Of course not.

263
00:10:04,161 --> 00:10:07,190
I am a professional.

264
00:10:10,334 --> 00:10:13,696
Are you sure there isn't
another solution?

265
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:15,348
Can't you do something?

266
00:10:15,473 --> 00:10:17,183
Uh, see, that's a tricky sitch.

267
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,185
On the one hand Sadie has
hurt a lot of people,

268
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:20,853
but on the other she could hurt me.

269
00:10:21,328 --> 00:10:23,222
See how that's
a conflict of interest?

270
00:10:28,084 --> 00:10:30,429
So you never told me what
you're gonna do about Jenna.

271
00:10:30,554 --> 00:10:32,298
- There's nothing to do.
- Not into her?

272
00:10:32,556 --> 00:10:35,510
It was just an impulsive
kiss, man, come on.

273
00:10:35,826 --> 00:10:37,762
A real kiss or like a peck?

274
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,071
I can't remember.

275
00:10:39,196 --> 00:10:42,016
Probably means it wasn't very good.

276
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,060
Who started it, you or her?

277
00:10:44,335 --> 00:10:46,354
- What does it matter?
- It doesn't.

278
00:10:46,637 --> 00:10:47,847
Just trying to help you
sort things out,

279
00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:49,023
considering you have
a girlfriend and all.

280
00:10:49,306 --> 00:10:50,817
Why do you care so much?

281
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,351
I don't.

282
00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:55,221
I'm just trying to help you, asshole.

283
00:10:55,346 --> 00:10:57,790
So you think I should
say something to Jenna?

284
00:10:57,915 --> 00:10:59,692
No!

285
00:10:59,817 --> 00:11:01,494
No, just let it go.

286
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,163
Yeah, she's probably
not thinking about it.

287
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:05,898
Or you.

288
00:11:08,359 --> 00:11:09,302
Right?

289
00:11:09,427 --> 00:11:10,503
You're right.

290
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,372
They're just terrible
and elitist snobs.

291
00:11:13,497 --> 00:11:16,175
And named after crap
that clutters up your house.

292
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:19,019
See, now you don't have
to clutter up your calendar

293
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:21,447
with all of their b.s.
charity events.

294
00:11:21,572 --> 00:11:23,916
For shiz.
We're better than them.

295
00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:25,251
Pfft, we are.

296
00:11:25,376 --> 00:11:27,353
Now you're gonna go home

297
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,479
and you're not gonna
let them see you sweat.

298
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:36,029
Mom, I am so sorry we didn't get in.

299
00:11:36,353 --> 00:11:37,997
That totally blows.

300
00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:39,866
It does.

301
00:11:40,191 --> 00:11:41,492
But not for us!

302
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,837
We made it to the next round!

303
00:11:44,962 --> 00:11:46,706
I just didn't want to say
anything in front of tam

304
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,458
because she was feeling so bad.

305
00:11:48,732 --> 00:11:49,675
Aren't you excited?

306
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,586
I am on the inside.

307
00:11:51,869 --> 00:11:55,348
Oh, sweetie, don't worry
about not having Tamara around.

308
00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:57,583
This is gonna be a great opportunity

309
00:11:57,708 --> 00:11:59,385
For you to meet new friends.

310
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,596
Oh, like that sweet, sweet Sadie.

311
00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:05,350
Don't even think about
crossing me, Consuela.

312
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,893
'cause the last housekeeper
that ratted me out

313
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,687
was conveniently "deportate."

314
00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:14,423
Sadie!

315
00:12:17,962 --> 00:12:18,988
Don't come in.

316
00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:22,325
I said don't come in!

317
00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:24,910
I don't need a lecture right now.

318
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:26,963
Well, you won't have
the life you want

319
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,848
If you keep up these bad habits.

320
00:12:28,973 --> 00:12:30,950
You could have scored
any man you wanted.

321
00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:33,211
Why did you have to pick
a man with a fat gene?

322
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:36,339
He wasn't fat when we got married.

323
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,341
Well, thanks to you and
your lack of due diligence,

324
00:12:38,582 --> 00:12:40,259
I'm gonna die alone
because you fell in love

325
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,136
with a man with a
strong recessive chub.

326
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,097
You won't die alone.

327
00:12:44,355 --> 00:12:45,664
Right.

328
00:12:45,789 --> 00:12:47,633
I forgot about Patty,
my lesbian lover

329
00:12:47,758 --> 00:12:51,521
who'd rather eat pizza than have sex.

330
00:12:51,762 --> 00:12:55,174
You don't understand

331
00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:58,043
what it's like to be surrounded

332
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:01,147
by all of the girls
who can eat everything

333
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,617
and do everything,
and they're perfect.

334
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:07,161
Oh, pumpkin.

335
00:13:07,444 --> 00:13:08,754
They never have to think twice

336
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,524
about calories or how they'll look

337
00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:14,001
in their plus-size party dresses,

338
00:13:14,285 --> 00:13:16,195
which are really hard
to find by the way

339
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,164
because the only stores
that sell sexy dresses

340
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:19,765
in my size are chola stores,

341
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:20,808
And I'm not a hoochie,

342
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,358
and I don't wear tangerine well.

343
00:13:25,862 --> 00:13:29,575
I just want to wake up

344
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,271
and wear whatever I feel like wearing

345
00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:35,731
'cause it all fits

346
00:13:35,973 --> 00:13:38,484
and looks good.

347
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,921
But instead I'm powerless
to the sausages

348
00:13:42,046 --> 00:13:43,239
that double as my arms

349
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,034
and the Jenny Craig
that lives inside my head.

350
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,830
You have no idea how hard
I'm trying, mom.

351
00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:53,291
I'm really trying.

352
00:13:53,524 --> 00:13:55,793
Honey, I know you are.

353
00:13:56,026 --> 00:13:58,838
And you will be successful

354
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,396
If you track what you eat.

355
00:14:04,226 --> 00:14:07,263
Are you still writing it all down?

356
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:09,724
Good.

357
00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:16,956
Honey, you know who might be
a good person to talk to?

358
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:18,274
Jenna Hamilton.

359
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:21,444
She has a darling figure.

360
00:14:28,124 --> 00:14:29,202
Don't tell anyone.

361
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:30,995
So it's a knick-knacker secret?

362
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,906
Tell Clarissa that the next
event is actually formal,

363
00:14:34,031 --> 00:14:36,125
even though it doesn't
say it on the invite.

364
00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:38,310
All in-the-know mothers and daughters

365
00:14:38,435 --> 00:14:40,963
are gonna be decked out.

366
00:14:41,205 --> 00:14:42,757
Am I in-the-know?

367
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,010
Yes.
I just told you.

368
00:14:49,779 --> 00:14:51,757
{CUT}Suddenly, I knew the way in.

369
00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:55,311
or I had a way out
if I didn't tell my mother.

370
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:56,646
But I was a sucker.

371
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,430
Thank God you have the inside track.

372
00:14:58,555 --> 00:15:00,149
Could you imagine
if we were the only ones

373
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:01,867
to show up wearing jeans?

374
00:15:01,992 --> 00:15:03,402
It would be humiliating.

375
00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:05,304
Yes, which begs the question,

376
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:06,906
why would you want to be affiliated

377
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,541
with horrible women who want
to humiliate each other?

378
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:12,244
Because...

379
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,955
Being a knick-knacker means that

380
00:15:14,271 --> 00:15:16,882
I won't just be that girl who
got knocked up in high school

381
00:15:17,007 --> 00:15:19,485
or that girl who didn't go to college

382
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:21,504
and make something of herself.

383
00:15:21,762 --> 00:15:23,289
If we get in,

384
00:15:23,414 --> 00:15:24,823
I will finally be the person

385
00:15:24,948 --> 00:15:26,467
that I've always wanted to be.

386
00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:28,553
You'll be a knick-knacker.

387
00:15:28,786 --> 00:15:30,096
And I'll be in.

388
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,348
Apparently mean girls don't grow up.

389
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:33,599
They just get older.

390
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:35,476
Mom, you can still go to college.

391
00:15:35,642 --> 00:15:37,069
Yeah, but what's the point?

392
00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:38,896
I'm too old to pledge a sorority.

393
00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:41,106
I know exactly what I'm gonna wear!

394
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:44,110
It's dressy without being too fancy.

395
00:15:45,368 --> 00:15:46,279
Okay.

396
00:15:51,974 --> 00:15:54,643
I am going to kill you.

397
00:15:56,881 --> 00:15:58,291
{pub}I cannot believe you purposefully

398
00:15:58,527 --> 00:15:59,292
sabotaged us.

399
00:15:59,517 --> 00:16:00,751
- Hi.
- I didn't.

400
00:16:00,917 --> 00:16:03,045
I swear, I heard Sadie say
it was a formal event.

401
00:16:03,211 --> 00:16:04,714
I thought she told you.

402
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,882
Well, we're not really
on speaking terms.

403
00:16:07,048 --> 00:16:08,968
- She sorta hates me.
- Now I get it.

404
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,387
You made me look like an idiot

405
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,222
so you could turn your nose up to her

406
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:14,573
and this entire organization

407
00:16:14,698 --> 00:16:16,142
that you never really wanted to join.

408
00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:17,685
Just selfish.

409
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,079
Oh God, great!

410
00:16:20,204 --> 00:16:23,691
Now I've ruined my dress.

411
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:26,986
Way to be sensitive to the cause.

412
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,614
Sadie had set me up.

413
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:33,192
And I was finally prepared
to exact revenge.

414
00:16:33,317 --> 00:16:35,536
Or was I?

415
00:16:35,702 --> 00:16:38,247
Sadie didn't just hate me.
She hated herself.

416
00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:40,333
She was as powerless
to the stigma of her weight

417
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,735
as I was to the stigma
of my fake suicide.

418
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:46,339
Was it possible that we
had something in common?

419
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,640
Fuck that.

420
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:49,258
I had to take the bitch down.

421
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,346
How does it feel
to mock the homeless?

422
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889
Heartless much?

423
00:16:58,107 --> 00:17:00,603
T, you know what
I've been craving lately?

424
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,655
Fluffernutters.

425
00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:05,791
I have a real weakness for them.

426
00:17:05,916 --> 00:17:08,928
You oozing...

427
00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:10,613
Skitch.

428
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,240
Give me my journal back

429
00:17:13,477 --> 00:17:16,285
or I will make your life miserable.

430
00:17:16,451 --> 00:17:17,523
Well, you kind of already do that,

431
00:17:17,761 --> 00:17:19,163
so how'bout making
my life a little better?

432
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,874
How'bout ensuring I get
a bid for the knick-knackers?

433
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,960
How'bout you go fuck yourself?

434
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:26,921
- Give it back.
- How do you want it?

435
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,256
Posted all over the walls
or over the web?

436
00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:31,384
We could make her a copy of it.

437
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,178
That's a great idea,
but why not share the wealth?

438
00:17:34,456 --> 00:17:36,514
You wouldn't dare.

439
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,141
You have to be cruel to be kind.

440
00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:40,559
You're welcome.

441
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,737
Let's welcome our new knick-knackers.

442
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,739
I had sealed the deal for my mom.

443
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,492
So it was time
to seal one for myself.

444
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,369
One more thing.

445
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,413
Why did you write me
that evil letter?

446
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,814
What letter?

447
00:18:01,939 --> 00:18:03,416
You know, the one
you were too cowardly

448
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,792
to sign your name to.

449
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,585
If I wrote you an evil letter,

450
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,255
you better believe I'd sign my name.

451
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,382
She was telling the truth.

452
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,968
But if Sadie didn't
write the letter, who did?

453
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,678
How do I know you didn't make a copy?

454
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,805
You don't.

455
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,390
Guess you're just gonna
have to trust me.

456
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,967
Where Sadie's power
was about being cruel,

457
00:18:22,092 --> 00:18:25,187
I decided mine was about being kind.

458
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,166
{pub}Looks like you're in
the clear with Hamilton.

459
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,101
Good thing you didn't
make a big deal out of it.

460
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:43,704
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

461
00:18:43,829 --> 00:18:45,939
You know, like if I woulda
said something,

462
00:18:46,064 --> 00:18:47,793
it might encourage her, you know?

463
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:50,588
Yeah.
Yeah, not a good idea.

464
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:51,912
You know, but then
talking it out with you

465
00:18:52,037 --> 00:18:56,177
made me realize
I might be kind of into her.

466
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:59,388
And maybe it would be good
to talk it out

467
00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:02,183
so something like that kiss
doesn't happen again.

468
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:05,352
I'm saving you, dude.
Trust me.

469
00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:08,428
Jenna, she has low self-esteem,

470
00:19:08,553 --> 00:19:09,630
which is a strong marker

471
00:19:09,755 --> 00:19:11,365
she will follow
in her mother's footsteps

472
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:14,168
and get pregnant at 17.

473
00:19:14,293 --> 00:19:15,802
Sadie made a good point.

474
00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:17,938
She said as a charity organization,

475
00:19:18,063 --> 00:19:22,536
we should have
at least one charity case.

476
00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:23,911
No, it's bugging me.

477
00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:25,873
I'm gonna text Jenna,
see if she wants to talk.

478
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,833
What if she doesn't text you back?

479
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,461
She's gonna have all the power.

480
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:33,506
What?
This isn't junior high.

481
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,297
Excuse us.
I'm not feeling well.

482
00:19:43,422 --> 00:19:46,644
I've come to my senses.
We don't belong here.

483
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,371
Ah, she wants me to call her.

484
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,133
Oh, god.

485
00:20:18,299 --> 00:20:20,434
Power was a zero-sum game.

486
00:20:20,559 --> 00:20:22,102
When you allow someone to take it,

487
00:20:22,227 --> 00:20:23,503
they will.

488
00:20:23,628 --> 00:20:25,772
Matty had all the power
in our relationship

489
00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:27,017
because I let him.

490
00:20:27,632 --> 00:20:30,143
But that was about to change.

491
00:20:30,268 --> 00:20:33,770
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go.

