1 00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:12,427 Sir, could you step out of the stall, please? 2 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,526 Sir, can I see some identification, please? 3 00:01:17,602 --> 00:01:19,536 It's a courthouse. Denny Crane. 4 00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:21,902 I don't need to identify myself in a courthouse. 5 00:01:21,973 --> 00:01:24,373 - Please place your hands behind your back, sir. - Why? 6 00:01:24,442 --> 00:01:25,841 Sir, you are under arrest for solicitation. 7 00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:27,673 - What? - You have the right to remain silent. 8 00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:30,874 - Who the hell did I solicit? - Anything you say can and will be used against you. 9 00:01:30,949 --> 00:01:32,576 You have the right to an attorney. 10 00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:35,414 - Sir, please put your hands behind your back now. - Alan. 11 00:01:35,487 --> 00:01:36,954 That's it. Get him down on the floor. 12 00:01:37,022 --> 00:01:38,887 Wait a minute! Hey. Wait! 13 00:01:38,957 --> 00:01:41,084 Al-Alan! 14 00:01:41,159 --> 00:01:43,423 Alan! Pick up, will you? 15 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,463 Alan! Pick up! 16 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:48,966 Alan! Alan! 17 00:01:49,034 --> 00:01:51,559 ♪ Uh-huh♪ 18 00:01:53,371 --> 00:01:55,362 ♪ All right♪ 19 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,772 ♪ Come on♪ 20 00:01:59,944 --> 00:02:03,141 ♪ Come on All right♪ 21 00:02:03,214 --> 00:02:05,273 ♪ Well, yeah♪ 22 00:02:06,317 --> 00:02:08,285 ♪ Well, yeah♪ 23 00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:16,486 ♪ Outlaw♪ 24 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,564 He did all the known signals for solicitation. 25 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:27,070 - In fact, he was quite methodical about it. - He's full of crap. 26 00:02:27,138 --> 00:02:29,936 - Denny. - Well, so was I, but I was constipated. 27 00:02:30,008 --> 00:02:31,942 What known signals? 28 00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:34,103 Well, first he came in, looked under the stall doors. 29 00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:36,704 Then he entered a stall next to an occupied one. 30 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,715 He slid his briefcase to the front... 31 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,751 making his feet visible to the adjacent occupant. 32 00:02:40,819 --> 00:02:42,946 - Oh, please. L- - He then moved his foot over. 33 00:02:43,021 --> 00:02:45,421 Then he began to hum quietly. 34 00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:48,152 Then he tapped his foot four times, up and down. 35 00:02:48,226 --> 00:02:50,285 - Look, now first, we- - Denny. 36 00:02:50,361 --> 00:02:52,454 Sir, look. There's really no point denying this. 37 00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:55,021 Unless you consider innocence a point. 38 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,261 Would that be a point worth considering? 39 00:02:57,335 --> 00:02:59,667 These are well-known solicitation signals. 40 00:02:59,737 --> 00:03:02,297 You didn't even go to the bathroom, by the way, did you? 41 00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:05,308 Because I was constipated. Did we not go over this? 42 00:03:05,376 --> 00:03:07,810 My suggestion is that you make this go away quietly. 43 00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:10,541 Bribe. I knew it. 44 00:03:10,615 --> 00:03:12,879 I'm not suggesting a bribe. 45 00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:15,112 My recommendation is that you plead guilty to disorderly conduct. 46 00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:17,620 He's not gonna plead guilty to anything. 47 00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:19,816 You really want these charges to be made public? 48 00:03:19,891 --> 00:03:23,327 This sounds an awful lot like extortion, Officer Whistler. 49 00:03:23,394 --> 00:03:25,988 It's not extortion. I'm just saying your choice- 50 00:03:26,064 --> 00:03:27,998 disorderly conduct and a small fine... 51 00:03:28,066 --> 00:03:31,229 or a public trial for solicitation to have gay sex. 52 00:03:31,302 --> 00:03:33,532 - Trial. - Wait. 53 00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:35,732 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Denny. Trial. 54 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,400 W- 55 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:44,540 Why are you angry at me? 56 00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:46,584 Because I could've made this thing go away quietly. 57 00:03:46,651 --> 00:03:49,279 - You're making it into a cause. - I am not, Denny. 58 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,447 You're being "Larry Craig'd" here, and it isn't fair. 59 00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,457 But with a public trial? 60 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,722 It's one thing for people to think I've got Alzheimer's or I've lost my mind... 61 00:03:56,794 --> 00:03:58,728 but for them to think I'm gay? 62 00:03:58,796 --> 00:04:01,356 Denny, for God's sake, you cannot plead guilty. 63 00:04:01,432 --> 00:04:03,866 It's a ridiculous charge. 64 00:04:03,935 --> 00:04:07,029 - The police had no bus- - What's going on? 65 00:04:07,105 --> 00:04:11,542 Denny had a little misunderstanding this morning. 66 00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:16,012 In an effort to relieve some mild constipation... 67 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,412 he unwittingly offered to be a whistle-blower... 68 00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:21,043 for an undercover police officer. 69 00:04:22,287 --> 00:04:24,812 - It happens. - He's being arraigned this afternoon. 70 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,585 I'm moving for an immediate dismissal. 71 00:04:41,506 --> 00:04:45,465 The Battleship. As I live and breathe. 72 00:04:45,543 --> 00:04:48,603 Wow. You get more and more beautiful. 73 00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:51,615 Who's suing you now? 74 00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:53,617 I take it you haven't heard. 75 00:04:54,686 --> 00:04:56,950 - Uh-oh. - I got fired, Shirl. 76 00:04:57,021 --> 00:05:01,549 - What? - As of now, you're looking at an unemployed shock jock. 77 00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,821 What did you say? 78 00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:05,988 Nothing too bad, but as far as the station's concerned- 79 00:05:06,064 --> 00:05:08,123 What did you say? 80 00:05:08,199 --> 00:05:10,224 Oh, something like, "Old people should die. " 81 00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:12,735 You said that on the air? 82 00:05:12,804 --> 00:05:14,738 Oh, come on. It's the radio, for God sakes. 83 00:05:14,806 --> 00:05:18,173 If you can't be vulgar there- Free speech. Rah. 84 00:05:19,911 --> 00:05:22,744 Look, seriously, Shirley- 85 00:05:22,814 --> 00:05:25,112 I'm not a young man. 86 00:05:25,183 --> 00:05:28,778 If I lose this gig, I may not get another one. 87 00:05:28,853 --> 00:05:31,287 I need to fight this. 88 00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:37,618 - Old people should die. - Free speech. Rah. 89 00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:40,027 Rah. 90 00:05:40,098 --> 00:05:42,430 Why would Paul want to see us? 91 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,695 Obviously Sack told him. Maybe Paul's gay. 92 00:05:44,769 --> 00:05:46,794 God, why can't I have that? 93 00:05:51,242 --> 00:05:54,678 Ah. I see somebody has run to the principal's office. 94 00:05:54,746 --> 00:05:56,714 Hello, Alan. Denny, how are you? 95 00:05:56,781 --> 00:05:58,715 Not gay. 96 00:05:58,783 --> 00:06:00,717 Yes. 97 00:06:00,785 --> 00:06:04,221 Carl has shared with me the latest. 98 00:06:04,289 --> 00:06:08,225 I'm told there's a chance of making this go away with a disorderly conduct plea. 99 00:06:08,293 --> 00:06:12,127 - That was rejected. - May I ask why? 100 00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,131 He's innocent, Paul. 101 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:18,794 Alan, you know and I know that the charges alone- 102 00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,633 Denny's been charged with crimes before. 103 00:06:20,705 --> 00:06:24,072 This one leaves its own special tarnish. 104 00:06:24,142 --> 00:06:26,804 Even an outright acquittal won't amount to exoneration. 105 00:06:26,878 --> 00:06:30,177 - We need to dispose of this as quietly as possible. - This is ridiculous. 106 00:06:30,248 --> 00:06:33,012 He's being railroaded by some overzealous cop... 107 00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:35,314 who's staking out a bathroom. 108 00:06:35,386 --> 00:06:37,911 I don't know if it's more offensive or silly. 109 00:06:37,989 --> 00:06:41,152 Denny, may I speak with you in private? 110 00:06:41,225 --> 00:06:43,853 Let's go, Al. Let's give them some special time. 111 00:06:43,928 --> 00:06:47,728 If you care to leave, Carl, please do so, but, Paul... 112 00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,892 anything you have to say to Denny, you can say- 113 00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:52,492 With all due respect to your friendship... 114 00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:57,007 - Denny and I go back almost 40 years. - Wow. You really are old, Paul. 115 00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:03,278 Go ahead, Alan. Bond with Carl for a second. No sleepovers. 116 00:07:12,457 --> 00:07:15,449 Carl Sack has the job of worrying about the firm. 117 00:07:15,526 --> 00:07:19,189 I was happy to pass that baton. 118 00:07:20,264 --> 00:07:23,233 I'm concerned about you. 119 00:07:24,435 --> 00:07:28,269 I see Alan all poised here to climb on his soapbox- 120 00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:30,273 but at whose expense? 121 00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:34,437 If I plead to disorderly, the papers'll make straw out of that as well. 122 00:07:34,512 --> 00:07:36,810 Denny- 123 00:07:36,881 --> 00:07:40,146 Your grip on your position here as senior partner... 124 00:07:40,218 --> 00:07:43,381 I know you know is a little tenuous. 125 00:07:43,454 --> 00:07:45,945 This may be all the managing partners need... 126 00:07:46,023 --> 00:07:48,321 to finally take your name off the door. 127 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:51,385 - Which is why I need to be vindicated. - And should you lose? 128 00:07:52,463 --> 00:07:54,454 Paul... 129 00:07:55,466 --> 00:07:57,434 right or wrong... 130 00:07:57,502 --> 00:08:01,063 I- I need to go out as Denny Crane. 131 00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:05,400 I don't want my legacy to- 132 00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:13,746 It's worth risking my job... 133 00:08:14,819 --> 00:08:16,753 to save my reputation. 134 00:08:18,489 --> 00:08:20,423 I'm afraid you may lose both. 135 00:08:20,491 --> 00:08:22,152 Not if we win. 136 00:08:25,363 --> 00:08:27,524 All or nothing. 137 00:08:27,598 --> 00:08:29,657 You and I used to say that all the time. 138 00:08:31,602 --> 00:08:33,934 Remember? 139 00:08:41,512 --> 00:08:43,446 Why a judge and not a jury? 140 00:08:43,514 --> 00:08:45,448 Juries can't give equitable relief. 141 00:08:45,516 --> 00:08:48,178 Plus, they don't especially enjoy being summoned... 142 00:08:48,252 --> 00:08:50,720 for something trivial like First Amendment. 143 00:08:50,788 --> 00:08:53,222 Well, well, well. 144 00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:57,119 - Bethany. - Shirley. 145 00:08:57,195 --> 00:08:59,663 Wow. You've let yourself go. 146 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:01,823 I find that refreshing. 147 00:09:01,899 --> 00:09:06,199 It's so nice to see an elderly person who's not afraid to look her age. 148 00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:09,569 Yes, well, vanity can be quite the beast, I suppose. 149 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,973 - I see you're wearing heels. - Dwarf jokes. Classy. 150 00:09:13,044 --> 00:09:15,171 All rise. 151 00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:19,406 In re: Binder versus WWEN Boston. 152 00:09:19,484 --> 00:09:22,214 Judge Victoria Thomson presiding. 153 00:09:22,286 --> 00:09:24,982 - This court is in session. - Good morning, Your Honor. 154 00:09:25,056 --> 00:09:27,081 - Shirley Schmidt for the plaintiff. - I'm not interested. 155 00:09:27,158 --> 00:09:30,423 - Who's the station manager? - Uh, I am, Your Honor. 156 00:09:30,495 --> 00:09:34,898 And my name is Bethany Horowitz. I represent WWEN. 157 00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:37,560 And why are you staring? 158 00:09:37,635 --> 00:09:39,569 'Cause I almost bought that same outfit. 159 00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:41,571 Sit your itty-bitty self down. 160 00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:43,664 Mr. Flanders, in the witness chair now. 161 00:09:43,741 --> 00:09:45,606 - Move it. - Wait a second. 162 00:09:45,676 --> 00:09:48,372 - They're the ones suing. - I know that. 163 00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:50,744 I want to hear from him. Now. 164 00:09:57,121 --> 00:09:59,612 Denny Crane in a men's room. 165 00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:01,681 Don't you just love that? 166 00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:06,526 Another "family values" advocate looking to use another man's private part... 167 00:10:06,597 --> 00:10:09,157 - as a sippy cup. - Oh, God. 168 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:13,727 Time to go to church now, Denny? Time to get in touch with God? Off to rehab we go? 169 00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:16,705 Doesn't it just make you want to snorkel in your mother's vomit? 170 00:10:18,809 --> 00:10:21,073 I can't take it. The press is into it. 171 00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:22,976 I'm gay fodder. I can't take it. 172 00:10:23,047 --> 00:10:24,981 Come on, Denny. Let's just get to court. 173 00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:27,643 That woman, of all people knows I am straight. 174 00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:29,948 She told me it was the best sex she ever had... 175 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:32,080 since her brother in ninth grade. She told me. 176 00:10:32,156 --> 00:10:34,454 We'll go for immediate dismissal. 177 00:10:34,525 --> 00:10:36,459 - None of this continuance crap. - Immediate. 178 00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:41,798 - Lorraine. - Alan. Denny. 179 00:10:41,866 --> 00:10:45,267 Would you be riding on the elevator with us? 180 00:10:45,336 --> 00:10:49,295 - Think you can handle it, Denny? - Well, maybe not. 181 00:10:49,373 --> 00:10:53,673 I don't know whether you've heard about my, uh, predicament. 182 00:10:53,744 --> 00:10:55,837 I heard that you were humming in the men's room. 183 00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:57,778 - That predicament? - Yeah. Yeah. 184 00:10:57,848 --> 00:11:01,409 Rumors are ugly things, Lorraine. 185 00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:04,181 - I'll bet there's some about you. - I wouldn't know. 186 00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:07,088 Neither would I. 187 00:11:07,158 --> 00:11:11,857 There are security cameras on these elevators. 188 00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:15,126 If I were to have sex on one with a- a woman... 189 00:11:15,199 --> 00:11:18,828 that would dispel the horrible rumor that I, um- 190 00:11:18,903 --> 00:11:21,269 Uh, you know, uh- 191 00:11:21,339 --> 00:11:23,807 - Like to hum in men's rooms? - Would you mind? 192 00:11:23,874 --> 00:11:27,674 Not at all, Denny. But I am involved, so I can't. 193 00:11:27,745 --> 00:11:30,441 - Please. It's an emergency. - Perhaps you should call 999. 194 00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:36,284 - What's his name? - I'm sorry? 195 00:11:36,354 --> 00:11:38,845 The boyfriend. What's his name? 196 00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:44,953 Were we meant to get on that? 197 00:11:54,271 --> 00:11:57,707 - Hey, Lorraine. - Katie. 198 00:11:57,775 --> 00:11:59,868 How are you liking working here so far... 199 00:11:59,944 --> 00:12:02,708 aside from the misogynistic bits and pieces? 200 00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,840 Oh, it's fine. Personally, I enjoy being objectified. 201 00:12:05,916 --> 00:12:09,647 It's a wonderful prophylactic if one doesn't care to be really known. 202 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,486 I suppose. Somehow I feel I know you. 203 00:12:13,557 --> 00:12:17,391 - Have we met before Crane, Poole & Schmidt? - I don't believe we have. 204 00:12:18,496 --> 00:12:20,726 Odd. Have you ever spent time in England? 205 00:12:20,798 --> 00:12:23,426 I haven't actually, though I've always wanted to go. 206 00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,834 I just thought perhaps- 207 00:12:26,904 --> 00:12:30,169 When Denny said earlier he had an emergency, you said, "Call 999." 208 00:12:30,241 --> 00:12:32,334 It's 911 actually. 209 00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:34,503 Of course it is. I said 999? 210 00:12:34,578 --> 00:12:39,015 Yes, which coincidentally is the number one calls for an emergency in England. 211 00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:41,847 Hmm. 212 00:12:41,919 --> 00:12:45,218 - I guess that is a coincidence. - Yes. 213 00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:51,224 Bye, Katie. Hope the rest of your day goes well. 214 00:12:51,295 --> 00:12:53,422 You too. 215 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:03,470 Look, it's all about sales. 216 00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:06,908 Here we're faced with advertiser pullout, a boycott by listeners. 217 00:13:06,977 --> 00:13:09,309 But he's a shock jock. This is what he does. 218 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:12,042 Yes, and ifhe makes money for us, fine. 219 00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:15,984 If he doesn't, he goes. It's nothing personal here. 220 00:13:16,053 --> 00:13:18,851 He's been saying outrageous things for 25 years. 221 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,756 Yes, and a lot of people have been listening to him for 25 years. 222 00:13:21,826 --> 00:13:25,421 - So what's changed? - Those listeners are old now. 223 00:13:25,496 --> 00:13:27,896 If he wants to put down blacks... 224 00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:29,899 orJews or Episcopalians, fine. 225 00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:32,435 But our demographic is baby boomers. 226 00:13:32,503 --> 00:13:35,097 Insulting old people- it affects our bottom line. 227 00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:36,969 It's a "no can do. " 228 00:13:37,041 --> 00:13:42,343 So you admit that what he said was in the context of social commentary? 229 00:13:42,413 --> 00:13:46,179 - So what? - So what? You're primarily a news station. 230 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,480 No. We're primarily a profit center... 231 00:13:48,552 --> 00:13:51,020 like every other news station. 232 00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:54,421 You had Ann Coulter on the show last week as a guest. 233 00:13:54,492 --> 00:13:59,020 This is a woman who referred toJohn Edwards using the homosexual "F" word. 234 00:13:59,096 --> 00:14:03,294 No one takes Ann Coulter seriously. She's a joke. 235 00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:07,167 Since Bob is actually respected for his political commentary... 236 00:14:07,238 --> 00:14:10,036 his remarks are more dangerous. 237 00:14:10,107 --> 00:14:13,133 You don't see a problem firing a political commentator... 238 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:15,178 for making a political comment? 239 00:14:15,246 --> 00:14:17,271 Not really. 240 00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:20,447 Huh. 241 00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:24,852 Case number 66266. The Commonwealth versus Denny Crane. 242 00:14:24,922 --> 00:14:28,221 Alan Shore appearing for Mr. Crane. 243 00:14:28,292 --> 00:14:30,226 I would ask that this arraignment be quashed immediately. 244 00:14:30,294 --> 00:14:33,661 - You cannot quash an arraignment. - But you can, Your Honor... 245 00:14:33,731 --> 00:14:35,961 and you should here, because if you look at the facts... 246 00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:39,628 you'll see that even as alleged, they don't support the charges being filed. 247 00:14:39,703 --> 00:14:42,900 - No money ever changed hands. - You don't have to go that far. It's an inchoate crime. 248 00:14:42,973 --> 00:14:46,306 Suppose he just hit on another man he found attractive? 249 00:14:46,377 --> 00:14:48,311 - Oh, my God. - Are you saying it's a crime... 250 00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:51,177 - for one man to propose sex to another? - In some states, it probably is. 251 00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:54,149 But this is Massachusetts, the home of Mitt Romney- 252 00:14:54,218 --> 00:14:57,085 a man who was once okay with gay unions. 253 00:14:57,154 --> 00:15:00,681 Though he's not okay with them now. Let's all be clear on that. 254 00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:04,387 I'll not have you attacking my governor. 255 00:15:04,461 --> 00:15:06,361 Judge, you shouldn't even be on this case. 256 00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:10,730 If you'll remember, I once defended you on a subject very near and dear to this one. 257 00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:13,668 I can be impartial. And I shall be. 258 00:15:13,737 --> 00:15:15,705 And you cannot quash an arraignment. 259 00:15:15,773 --> 00:15:19,937 - If you want to try to kick it after charges are filed- - And that's Mr. Crane's choice? 260 00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:22,069 To plead out or face public ridicule? 261 00:15:22,146 --> 00:15:24,080 Have you noticed all the cameras, by the way? 262 00:15:24,148 --> 00:15:26,082 It's extortion. This is a witch hunt. 263 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:29,381 The D.A. 's office probably targeted Mr. Crane because of all the bad blood between- 264 00:15:29,453 --> 00:15:31,284 This is the United States of America! 265 00:15:31,355 --> 00:15:34,449 Our system ofjustice does not dictate to district attorneys... 266 00:15:34,525 --> 00:15:37,892 who should or should not be prosecuted. 267 00:15:40,097 --> 00:15:42,031 Your points may be good ones. 268 00:15:42,099 --> 00:15:45,899 But they are to be decided by the trier of fact... 269 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:48,768 which, in this case, is thejury. 270 00:15:48,839 --> 00:15:51,467 This case will go to trial. 271 00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:53,908 Adjourned. 272 00:15:53,978 --> 00:15:56,446 Disorderly is still on the table. 273 00:16:00,284 --> 00:16:02,980 Denny, maybe you should consider making a deal here. 274 00:16:03,053 --> 00:16:06,147 - If you get convicted- - Mm-mmm. No. 275 00:16:06,223 --> 00:16:08,157 We go to trial. 276 00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:10,455 Are you sure? Don't do this because of me. 277 00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:13,894 I'm doing it because of me. We go to trial. 278 00:16:13,964 --> 00:16:16,933 But you have to win it. 279 00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:18,832 Uh-huh. 280 00:16:26,577 --> 00:16:28,511 Are you going to trial? 281 00:16:28,579 --> 00:16:31,173 Where do you go from here, Mr. Shore? 282 00:16:35,319 --> 00:16:38,686 - Familiar how? - I just feel I've seen her before or- 283 00:16:38,756 --> 00:16:42,988 Don't you think it's odd she says she's never been to England, and she said call 999? 284 00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:45,494 - It could be a coincidence. - I also detect an English accent. 285 00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:48,861 - You do? Really? - Well, sometimes. Barely noticeable. 286 00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:50,992 Why don't we just google her? 287 00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,559 I did. I didn't find anything. 288 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,798 I know this is horrible of me to say... 289 00:16:55,873 --> 00:17:00,469 but for some reason, I just have this feeling she's a criminal. 290 00:17:00,544 --> 00:17:03,012 I thought you liked everybody. 291 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,447 - Oh, I do, and I like her. I just- - Think she's a criminal. 292 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,086 A lot of people were hugely offended by what you said. 293 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,284 But what I said was political commentary. Moreover, it was important. 294 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,055 - Important? - Oh, this I gotta hear. 295 00:17:18,128 --> 00:17:21,689 - You sit your itty-bitty little self down. - I want that on the record. 296 00:17:21,765 --> 00:17:24,632 How was the content important, Bob? 297 00:17:24,702 --> 00:17:27,466 Our government, at least on a national level... 298 00:17:27,538 --> 00:17:30,996 is becoming little more than an income transfer mechanism... 299 00:17:31,075 --> 00:17:33,407 from younger workers to the old retirees. 300 00:17:33,477 --> 00:17:36,742 Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid already take up... 301 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,510 over 40 percent of the federal budget. 302 00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,517 And in the next 25 years... 303 00:17:41,585 --> 00:17:46,215 the number of people over 65 is expected to double. 304 00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:48,622 Now, does anybody get what that means? 305 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,717 We could be heading for a day... 306 00:17:50,794 --> 00:17:53,058 when the bulk of our federal budget... 307 00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:55,428 goes to subsidizing retirees. 308 00:17:55,499 --> 00:17:58,832 None of the politicians will even talk about it. 309 00:17:58,902 --> 00:18:02,030 Why? Because who's primarily funding this next election? 310 00:18:02,106 --> 00:18:04,666 Baby boomers. 311 00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:07,006 So your solution is for old people to die? 312 00:18:07,077 --> 00:18:09,568 I was making a point in a provocative way. 313 00:18:09,646 --> 00:18:12,342 An offensive, indecent, disgusting way. 314 00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:15,681 I'm going tojust wing it and say argumentative. 315 00:18:15,753 --> 00:18:18,119 I didn't interrupt your questions. What is this? 316 00:18:18,188 --> 00:18:20,349 They're called objections, Bethany. They're allowed now. 317 00:18:20,424 --> 00:18:23,393 I ask the court to sanction this rude, bitchy-do person. 318 00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:28,227 Counsel, just ask your questions and try not to give in to your good nature. 319 00:18:28,298 --> 00:18:30,232 You are aware, sir... 320 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,734 that baby boomers make up a big part of your listening audience? 321 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:36,637 - I am. The irony is- - I'm not interested in irony. 322 00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:41,644 I find nothing ironic about calling for the genocide of an entire class of people. 323 00:18:41,712 --> 00:18:43,907 You sure like to come on strong, don't you? 324 00:18:43,981 --> 00:18:47,144 Better to be a cannon than get shot out of one. 325 00:18:47,217 --> 00:18:49,742 - Mmm! - I saw that. 326 00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:54,314 I want this entire transcript expedited, so that I can personally... 327 00:18:54,391 --> 00:18:56,757 deliver it to the Anti-Defamation League... 328 00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:59,557 which at this moment is probably listening to a recording... 329 00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:01,894 of this man's jihad against the elderly. 330 00:19:01,965 --> 00:19:04,433 All right, I've heard enough of your little self. 331 00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:09,063 How about you and I both refrain from commenting on the other's size? 332 00:19:12,142 --> 00:19:14,610 Bring it on, Judgy-do. 333 00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:17,340 I'm not going anywhere. 334 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,184 What do you mean, there's something up with her? 335 00:19:23,253 --> 00:19:25,153 You don't think there's anything suspicious about her? 336 00:19:25,222 --> 00:19:28,350 - Because she said 999? - You're right. Hey, Clarence. 337 00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:32,088 I've got a friend at the I.R.S. I had him do a little search on her tax records. 338 00:19:32,162 --> 00:19:36,121 Dates back seven years and stops. She never filed before that. 339 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,431 - Maybe she didn't work before then. - Ever? And it gets better. 340 00:19:39,503 --> 00:19:41,471 You don't say hey back? 341 00:19:41,538 --> 00:19:45,804 She graduated law school from the University of Chicago in 1999. 342 00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:48,902 In her résumé, it says she attended Georgetown before that. 343 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,675 Georgetown has no record of any Lorraine Weller. 344 00:19:51,748 --> 00:19:54,649 I ran a Social Security records search. 345 00:19:54,718 --> 00:19:58,347 No evidence of her prior to attending the University of Chicago. 346 00:19:58,422 --> 00:20:01,323 I never trusted her. 347 00:20:01,391 --> 00:20:04,326 So then the question becomes, if she's not Lorraine Weller- 348 00:20:04,394 --> 00:20:06,328 Who is she? 349 00:20:13,437 --> 00:20:16,099 Look, these are the signals. I didn't make them up. 350 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,403 He looked under the stall, moved his foot to the side... 351 00:20:18,475 --> 00:20:21,706 then his bag, tapped his foot and hummed. 352 00:20:21,778 --> 00:20:24,372 - Come on. - At that point, you moved in? 353 00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:27,679 We asked him to step out of the stall, and then we arrested him. 354 00:20:27,751 --> 00:20:30,549 Why didn't you wait for him to do something more definitive? 355 00:20:30,621 --> 00:20:32,646 What he'd already done was definitive. 356 00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:35,521 Okay. Suppose somebody was just out looking for some action? 357 00:20:35,592 --> 00:20:39,221 Not prostitution, but action. They hear that there might be some in the bathroom and- 358 00:20:39,296 --> 00:20:41,491 I mean, is that a crime now, to hit on somebody? 359 00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:43,499 These were known signals for prostitution. 360 00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,501 But you didn't wait for money to change hands. 361 00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:47,764 - We felt we had enough to go on. - Oh, come on. 362 00:20:47,838 --> 00:20:49,897 So if someone has a bag in his hand, a tune in head... 363 00:20:49,973 --> 00:20:51,838 and needs to poop, he better watch out. 364 00:20:51,909 --> 00:20:54,935 Commit the wrong ambiguous gesture, and he's looking at the slammer. 365 00:20:55,012 --> 00:20:57,344 - I guess they play a lot of footsie in there. - Objection. 366 00:20:57,414 --> 00:21:00,508 - Sustained. - Your Honor, I move for a directed finding of not guilty. 367 00:21:00,584 --> 00:21:03,712 - The prosecution has failed to meet its burden of proof. - Denied! 368 00:21:03,787 --> 00:21:07,746 Okay. I move to remove you on the grounds of horrible judging. 369 00:21:07,824 --> 00:21:10,190 - There's a pattern of it actually. - Denied! 370 00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:12,387 Judge, I've seen you go in that men's room. 371 00:21:16,433 --> 00:21:19,266 What do you mean you might lose? 372 00:21:19,336 --> 00:21:22,931 Well, I should win. They've got no transaction, but- 373 00:21:23,006 --> 00:21:24,940 But what? 374 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,137 I have to put Denny on the stand. 375 00:21:32,216 --> 00:21:35,617 - Is there any way around that? - I don't think so. 376 00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:37,711 At this point, he's gotta tell his story... 377 00:21:37,788 --> 00:21:40,655 and, in doing so, he would then become... 378 00:21:40,724 --> 00:21:42,715 our defense. 379 00:21:42,793 --> 00:21:44,988 Dear God. 380 00:21:57,908 --> 00:22:00,672 I had terrible, terrible gas. I have it a lot. 381 00:22:00,744 --> 00:22:02,575 So what did you do? 382 00:22:02,646 --> 00:22:04,773 Well, I went into the bathroom hoping to relieve it... 383 00:22:04,848 --> 00:22:07,612 with a, uh- uh, bowel movement. 384 00:22:07,684 --> 00:22:10,152 - I have them a lot. - Denny? Please. 385 00:22:10,220 --> 00:22:14,919 Upon entering the men's room, I, uh, farted. 386 00:22:14,992 --> 00:22:16,755 - I do that a- - Denny? 387 00:22:16,827 --> 00:22:19,261 So I entered a vacant stall... 388 00:22:19,329 --> 00:22:21,957 and I proceeded to do my business. 389 00:22:22,032 --> 00:22:24,694 Only I was constipated, so I had difficulty. 390 00:22:24,768 --> 00:22:29,705 Did you engage in all these signals they've been talking about? 391 00:22:29,773 --> 00:22:32,708 Well, I- I slid my briefcase out of the way. 392 00:22:32,776 --> 00:22:37,213 And moved my foot to the side because I like to give myself a wide berth when I'm impacted. 393 00:22:37,281 --> 00:22:42,344 Then I, uh, began to hum 'cause it's a- it's a relaxing technique. 394 00:22:42,419 --> 00:22:47,322 And I started tapping my foot to give my hum a beat. 395 00:22:52,796 --> 00:22:56,323 - So you didn't go into the bathroom looking for sex? - Oh, God, no. 396 00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:01,201 Oh, I've- I've had sex in bathroom stalls before, sometimes for money. 397 00:23:01,271 --> 00:23:04,866 But always, always with a woman. I'm a heterosexual. 398 00:23:05,942 --> 00:23:08,069 And I think being gay is a sin. 399 00:23:08,145 --> 00:23:10,306 It's against God. 400 00:23:10,380 --> 00:23:12,541 It's against the president. It's bad for the troops. 401 00:23:12,616 --> 00:23:16,017 How could the police officer misinterpret it? 402 00:23:16,086 --> 00:23:19,214 Because he's an idiot. And by the way, I have gay friends. 403 00:23:19,289 --> 00:23:21,723 And they like to look at the merchandisejust like anybody else. 404 00:23:21,792 --> 00:23:24,420 They're not gonna just have sex... 405 00:23:24,494 --> 00:23:27,429 with whoever in the next stall, sight unseen. 406 00:23:27,497 --> 00:23:30,432 They may be sick, but they're not stupid. 407 00:23:32,769 --> 00:23:34,737 It's just a total coincidence... 408 00:23:34,805 --> 00:23:38,673 that you engaged in all these known signals to have sex? 409 00:23:38,742 --> 00:23:41,575 Well, not known to me. You say you know. You gay? 410 00:23:41,645 --> 00:23:45,376 I am, as a matter of fact. 411 00:23:45,449 --> 00:23:50,079 - Does that make a difference? - Well, a big one if I were looking to get laid. 412 00:23:50,153 --> 00:23:53,020 - You would never sleep with a man? - Never. 413 00:23:53,090 --> 00:23:55,422 Never have a sleepover with a male friend? 414 00:23:55,492 --> 00:23:57,517 Well, that's different. 415 00:23:57,594 --> 00:24:00,358 In fact, you've had sleepovers with your lawyer, Alan Shore. 416 00:24:00,430 --> 00:24:01,897 - Isn't that right? - Objection. 417 00:24:01,965 --> 00:24:05,799 - Never had sex. - You sleep in the same bed as... buddies? 418 00:24:05,869 --> 00:24:09,771 - Yeah. - And you two have special time... 419 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,240 every night together on your balcony, is that right? 420 00:24:12,309 --> 00:24:17,872 - What's wrong with that? - You refer to each other as "flamingos. " 421 00:24:17,948 --> 00:24:22,112 - Did you tell him this? - I didn't. What's the point? 422 00:24:22,185 --> 00:24:24,779 - This is irrelevant. - It's called male bonding. You never heard of that? 423 00:24:24,855 --> 00:24:27,517 Oh, I know all about male bonding. 424 00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:30,287 Now let me see if I get this. 425 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,726 You're a man who sleeps with other men... 426 00:24:32,796 --> 00:24:37,597 you just so happened to signal another man to have sex with you in a bathroom... 427 00:24:37,667 --> 00:24:40,101 but it's all just a big coincidence. 428 00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:42,934 You sometimes refer to yourself as a flamingo. 429 00:24:43,006 --> 00:24:46,271 - But you're not gay. - Damn right I'm not. 430 00:24:47,811 --> 00:24:49,938 I think I get the picture. 431 00:24:50,013 --> 00:24:52,277 Nothing further. 432 00:25:08,098 --> 00:25:11,261 Oh! 433 00:25:11,334 --> 00:25:12,961 Good heavens. You frightened me. 434 00:25:13,036 --> 00:25:15,004 Just now, or do I frighten you in general, Katie? 435 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,307 You've been quite a curious girl. 436 00:25:19,376 --> 00:25:23,005 - What's going on, Katie? - What's going on is, you're not who you say you are. 437 00:25:23,079 --> 00:25:25,877 I know I've seen your face. I don't know your real identity... 438 00:25:25,949 --> 00:25:28,247 but I know you've only been Lorraine Weller since 1997... 439 00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,548 when you entered the University of Chicago Law School. 440 00:25:34,191 --> 00:25:37,024 - So you know my secret. - No, I only know part of it. 441 00:25:37,093 --> 00:25:40,187 - I used to be somebody else. - Who? 442 00:25:40,263 --> 00:25:43,357 I'm not gonna tell you that. It could cost me my life. 443 00:25:45,936 --> 00:25:49,372 I married a man from Pakistan 12 years ago. 444 00:25:49,439 --> 00:25:53,136 I was unfaithful to him, which he discovered. 445 00:25:53,210 --> 00:25:56,577 There had been several honor killings in Muslim communities in London. 446 00:25:56,646 --> 00:26:00,912 I am from London. My co-adulterer was killed in an automobile accident. 447 00:26:00,984 --> 00:26:03,509 I believed the next accident was going to happen to me... 448 00:26:03,587 --> 00:26:07,717 so I fled London, changed my name, began a new life here. 449 00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:10,259 I'm told by my friends my husband's still looking for me. 450 00:26:10,327 --> 00:26:12,386 Does Alan Shore know this? 451 00:26:12,462 --> 00:26:15,488 No, and I would beg you not to tell him. 452 00:26:17,834 --> 00:26:19,768 It's a business, Judge. 453 00:26:19,836 --> 00:26:23,499 Talk shows, news shows- they're all in it for the same thing: Money. 454 00:26:23,573 --> 00:26:26,406 Lfhe wants to insult people, fine. 455 00:26:26,476 --> 00:26:29,343 But it better be good for sales. Howard Stern is funny. 456 00:26:29,412 --> 00:26:31,642 People like him. He could say what he wants. 457 00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:33,706 Don Imus? Not so funny. 458 00:26:33,783 --> 00:26:37,879 And "nappy hair" was bad for the bottom line. It's the same thing here. 459 00:26:37,954 --> 00:26:43,517 WWEN was faced with advertiser pullout because of what Bob Binder said. 460 00:26:43,593 --> 00:26:47,029 And by the way, what's wrong with cleaning up the airwaves a little? 461 00:26:47,097 --> 00:26:49,861 I'm sick of these so-calledjournalists... 462 00:26:49,933 --> 00:26:52,197 cloaking their hate mongering and bigotry... 463 00:26:52,269 --> 00:26:54,965 in the American flag and calling it free speech. 464 00:26:55,038 --> 00:26:57,268 Why can't a radio station fire an employee... 465 00:26:57,340 --> 00:27:00,036 for spewing out despicably immoral crap? 466 00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:03,204 Maybe that's what Americans are really calling for here. 467 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,077 About time. 468 00:27:06,816 --> 00:27:11,048 Was what my client said really so bad? 469 00:27:11,121 --> 00:27:14,147 It's interesting. She mentions Howard Stern. 470 00:27:14,224 --> 00:27:18,126 My client was asked by his station to be more like Howard. 471 00:27:18,194 --> 00:27:20,594 Howard Stern asked on the air... 472 00:27:20,664 --> 00:27:22,996 "So if you're half Arab and halfJewish... 473 00:27:23,066 --> 00:27:26,763 do you negotiate with the sheep before having sexual relations with them?" 474 00:27:26,836 --> 00:27:28,963 She also mentions Don Imus. 475 00:27:29,039 --> 00:27:32,805 Viacom seems to have no problem with Imus referring to Arabs as rag heads. 476 00:27:32,876 --> 00:27:35,504 In 2004, he referred... 477 00:27:35,579 --> 00:27:39,743 to Simon & Schuster, the book publishers, as "Jews who steal. " 478 00:27:39,816 --> 00:27:43,513 Then he apologized for the remark as being redundant. 479 00:27:43,587 --> 00:27:46,147 Uh, Glenn Beck- 480 00:27:46,222 --> 00:27:48,315 He's on CNN, the most trusted name in news. 481 00:27:48,391 --> 00:27:52,191 He's referred to the Katrina survivors as... 482 00:27:52,262 --> 00:27:54,355 a vulgarity I'm not allowed to repeat here. 483 00:27:54,431 --> 00:27:56,695 He also said he didn't think it possible... 484 00:27:56,766 --> 00:28:00,293 to hate any victims faster than the 911 victims. 485 00:28:00,370 --> 00:28:02,600 These so-calledjournalists are everywhere... 486 00:28:02,672 --> 00:28:06,768 and frankly, I wouldn't mind seeing most of them gone. 487 00:28:06,843 --> 00:28:10,472 But it's one thing to curtail racist or hateful remarks. 488 00:28:10,547 --> 00:28:14,847 It's quite another to censor political content. 489 00:28:14,918 --> 00:28:17,648 What Bob Binder said may have been offensive... 490 00:28:17,721 --> 00:28:21,680 but it was also legitimate public debate... 491 00:28:21,758 --> 00:28:25,785 ironically one the public and the presidential candidates... 492 00:28:25,862 --> 00:28:27,796 refuse to engage in. 493 00:28:27,864 --> 00:28:32,631 If the older demographic has more economic power... 494 00:28:32,702 --> 00:28:36,138 to affect the outcome of the presidential elections... 495 00:28:36,206 --> 00:28:40,905 and the government is spending most of its money on the older demographic... 496 00:28:40,977 --> 00:28:44,413 gee, shouldn't somebody be discussing this? 497 00:28:46,049 --> 00:28:51,851 A press- a free press- has always been vital to a democracy. 498 00:28:51,921 --> 00:28:54,685 Not just when they serve the bottom line... 499 00:28:54,758 --> 00:28:59,718 but perhaps especially when it doesn't. 500 00:28:59,796 --> 00:29:04,096 Your Honor, reporters actually lost their jobs... 501 00:29:04,167 --> 00:29:06,067 for criticizing the war. 502 00:29:06,136 --> 00:29:09,435 Thirty-five percent of today's journalists... 503 00:29:09,506 --> 00:29:12,304 say newsworthy stories are sometimes shunned... 504 00:29:12,375 --> 00:29:16,402 if they'll hurt the financial interests of their news organizations. 505 00:29:17,647 --> 00:29:20,377 In America? Our free press? 506 00:29:23,319 --> 00:29:27,085 This man got fired from a news talk show... 507 00:29:27,157 --> 00:29:31,651 for expressing a political idea. 508 00:29:32,862 --> 00:29:35,456 Are we really okay with that? 509 00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:39,468 Really? 510 00:30:00,890 --> 00:30:04,621 Look. We have a lot of this illicit, illegal... 511 00:30:04,694 --> 00:30:06,889 and, yes, immoral activity... 512 00:30:06,963 --> 00:30:11,593 going on not behind closed doors, but in public areas. 513 00:30:11,668 --> 00:30:13,659 Kids go in these bathrooms sometimes. 514 00:30:13,737 --> 00:30:17,730 Are we gonna look the other way just because he is Denny Crane? 515 00:30:17,807 --> 00:30:20,298 I mean, come on. 516 00:30:20,376 --> 00:30:22,901 He went in, looked under the stall... 517 00:30:22,979 --> 00:30:25,277 saw somebody, entered the adjacent stall... 518 00:30:25,348 --> 00:30:27,441 pushed his briefcase forward... 519 00:30:27,517 --> 00:30:29,576 slid his foot over, tapped his foot... 520 00:30:29,652 --> 00:30:32,177 then the humming. 521 00:30:32,255 --> 00:30:34,189 By coincidence? 522 00:30:35,592 --> 00:30:37,526 This is shameful. 523 00:30:37,594 --> 00:30:40,529 Even more so if we excuse it... 524 00:30:40,597 --> 00:30:42,531 just because he is a high-profile lawyer... 525 00:30:42,599 --> 00:30:45,466 who thinks that he should be above the law. 526 00:30:58,214 --> 00:31:00,273 Alan, don't save the world. 527 00:31:00,350 --> 00:31:04,116 - Just get me off. Can you do that, please? - Denny, when you hold my hand... 528 00:31:04,187 --> 00:31:07,623 it's just as thrilling as the very first time... 529 00:31:07,690 --> 00:31:10,853 but the jury could get the wrong idea. 530 00:31:15,532 --> 00:31:21,266 I'm sorry. I never heard of much gay prostitution going on in men's rooms. 531 00:31:21,337 --> 00:31:26,138 I mean, maybe in a park or a club or- 532 00:31:26,209 --> 00:31:28,769 But in a courthouse? Huh. 533 00:31:29,879 --> 00:31:32,143 There's certainly a lot more... 534 00:31:32,215 --> 00:31:34,183 of the heterosexual kind going on elsewhere... 535 00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:36,184 most of which we turn a blind eye to. 536 00:31:36,252 --> 00:31:38,311 There's even talk of legalizing it in Vegas. 537 00:31:38,388 --> 00:31:42,381 So is there something especially offensive about gay prostitution? 538 00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:45,723 We know Washington certainly feels that way. 539 00:31:45,795 --> 00:31:49,094 All those family values senators... 540 00:31:49,165 --> 00:31:51,895 had nothing to say about David Vitter, the Louisiana senator... 541 00:31:51,968 --> 00:31:53,902 who was caught in a prostitution ring. 542 00:31:53,970 --> 00:31:57,838 I guess because he had the decency to visit only female hookers. 543 00:31:57,907 --> 00:32:00,171 So let me see. 544 00:32:01,244 --> 00:32:03,542 All right, we've got... 545 00:32:03,613 --> 00:32:08,710 29 current or recent members of Congress accused of spousal abuse. 546 00:32:08,785 --> 00:32:12,221 Twenty-seven have been arrested for driving under the influence. 547 00:32:12,288 --> 00:32:15,382 Nineteen current or recent members accused of writing bad checks. 548 00:32:15,458 --> 00:32:18,621 Fourteen have drug-related arrests. Eight busted for shoplifting. 549 00:32:18,695 --> 00:32:20,629 Seven for fraud. Four for theft. Three for assault. 550 00:32:20,697 --> 00:32:23,165 But Larry Craig's the one they simply must broom... 551 00:32:23,233 --> 00:32:25,167 for tapping his foot in a men's room. 552 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:28,295 And why are we paying the police to tap back? 553 00:32:28,371 --> 00:32:30,305 With all this terror business... 554 00:32:30,373 --> 00:32:33,467 and these security crises going on in airports... 555 00:32:33,543 --> 00:32:37,411 why are the police across the country manning bathroom stalls to play footsie? 556 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:41,883 Mr. Shore, I shall ask you to confine yourself to this case. 557 00:32:41,951 --> 00:32:45,887 I'm talking about this case. Homophobia has run amok, Judge. 558 00:32:45,955 --> 00:32:49,083 It's the reason we're all gathered here, and it's preposterous. 559 00:32:49,158 --> 00:32:52,389 We're actually sitting in a courtroom wasting tax dollars... 560 00:32:52,462 --> 00:32:55,260 because my client had gas- he was constipated. 561 00:32:55,331 --> 00:32:57,822 He went to remedy his problem in a bathroom-imagine that- 562 00:32:57,901 --> 00:33:00,631 where lo and behold, three undercover police officers... 563 00:33:00,703 --> 00:33:05,003 were lurking, waiting to interpret a tapping foot as a call for gay sex. 564 00:33:05,074 --> 00:33:07,770 Now, maybe Larry Craig deserved his fate. 565 00:33:07,844 --> 00:33:11,007 He was thrown in front of the very bus he helped to build. 566 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,014 But Denny Crane doesn't deserve this. 567 00:33:13,082 --> 00:33:15,277 All he was trying to do was take a crap. 568 00:33:22,358 --> 00:33:26,124 And even if one were to go there looking for sex... 569 00:33:26,195 --> 00:33:28,129 there's no law against that. 570 00:33:28,197 --> 00:33:30,529 The crime is soliciting for a fee. 571 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:34,001 This complaint doesn't even allege that any money was involved. 572 00:33:34,070 --> 00:33:37,005 As my Great-aunt Gert used to say... 573 00:33:37,073 --> 00:33:40,941 "This smells funny, and I'm not going to eat it. " 574 00:33:52,221 --> 00:33:55,315 The First Amendment applies to state action only. 575 00:33:55,391 --> 00:33:57,325 Not private companies. 576 00:33:57,393 --> 00:34:01,727 If a government punishes Mr. Binder for saying what he did, that's censorship. 577 00:34:01,798 --> 00:34:06,326 When a private business does so, it's editorial control. 578 00:34:06,402 --> 00:34:08,495 - This isn't going well. - You say something, Miss Schmidt? 579 00:34:08,571 --> 00:34:11,563 If I did, I'm sure it wasn't important, Your Honor. 580 00:34:11,641 --> 00:34:14,906 - However- - There's the magic word. 581 00:34:14,978 --> 00:34:18,778 Corporations have become the biggest infringers of free expression. 582 00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:21,817 It's been going on for years, starting with cigarette companies... 583 00:34:21,884 --> 00:34:24,318 who pull their advertising dollars... 584 00:34:24,387 --> 00:34:27,686 from any publication that runs an article on cancer. 585 00:34:27,757 --> 00:34:30,590 Beyond that, corporations are using... 586 00:34:30,660 --> 00:34:33,356 something called "SLAPP suits" to chill free speech. 587 00:34:33,429 --> 00:34:36,990 So when it comes to truth in this country... 588 00:34:37,066 --> 00:34:39,000 the fix is in. 589 00:34:39,068 --> 00:34:42,003 As for talk show hosts... 590 00:34:42,071 --> 00:34:44,335 the public gets the opinion the sponsors pay for. 591 00:34:44,407 --> 00:34:46,841 Your Honor, this is truly riveting. 592 00:34:46,909 --> 00:34:49,207 But can you just give us the ruling? 593 00:34:49,278 --> 00:34:52,714 - Dwarves have limited life spans. - Judgment for the petitioner. 594 00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:55,512 That work for you? 595 00:34:55,585 --> 00:34:59,385 - Are you on drugs? - He was hired to be a provocateur. 596 00:34:59,455 --> 00:35:02,447 He said inflammatory things before. 597 00:35:02,525 --> 00:35:05,392 He was championed by the station for doing so. 598 00:35:05,461 --> 00:35:09,522 I'm ruling in favor of the plaintiff on an estoppel theory. 599 00:35:10,867 --> 00:35:14,394 Please don't take this personal, pip-squeak. 600 00:35:14,470 --> 00:35:16,199 I want that on the record. 601 00:35:16,272 --> 00:35:20,208 You know, that robe doesn't give you the authority or the right... 602 00:35:20,276 --> 00:35:24,235 to demean me for my size, you barrage balloon. 603 00:35:25,548 --> 00:35:28,813 Go ahead. What are you gonna do? 604 00:35:41,898 --> 00:35:43,889 Bethany? 605 00:35:47,670 --> 00:35:50,730 That cannon remark was really below the belt. 606 00:35:52,809 --> 00:35:55,004 I'm sorry. 607 00:35:55,078 --> 00:36:00,744 It wasn't my intent to, well, stoop to your level. 608 00:36:00,817 --> 00:36:03,581 And please don't take that the wrong way. 609 00:36:03,653 --> 00:36:05,951 It's just- 610 00:36:06,022 --> 00:36:10,425 You seem to push my buttons for whatever reason. 611 00:36:10,493 --> 00:36:12,461 Not many people can do that. 612 00:36:13,796 --> 00:36:16,424 Is it because I was with Denny and you still love him? 613 00:36:16,499 --> 00:36:20,094 It could be many things, but not that. 614 00:36:20,169 --> 00:36:25,266 The truth is, I bet I could like you. 615 00:36:27,043 --> 00:36:29,534 Okay, not a chance. 616 00:36:29,612 --> 00:36:33,514 But I do tip my hat to you, Bethany. 617 00:36:33,583 --> 00:36:36,950 You really are something. 618 00:36:37,019 --> 00:36:39,681 Thank you. 619 00:36:41,891 --> 00:36:44,985 Well, have a good night. 620 00:36:45,061 --> 00:36:47,359 Until we meet again. 621 00:36:47,430 --> 00:36:50,558 Yes. Until. 622 00:37:07,383 --> 00:37:09,408 - A fatwa? - Shh! 623 00:37:09,485 --> 00:37:11,419 Some Pakistani put a hit on her? 624 00:37:11,487 --> 00:37:13,421 That's what she said. 625 00:37:13,489 --> 00:37:17,152 - I have heard of these honor killings. - A fatwa? 626 00:37:17,226 --> 00:37:19,217 Keep your voice down. She asked me to keep her confidence. 627 00:37:19,295 --> 00:37:21,263 - I'm not keeping it. - Whitney. 628 00:37:21,330 --> 00:37:25,096 Suppose her ex-husband shows up? I'm not going down in some fatwa. 629 00:37:27,336 --> 00:37:30,737 - Hello. - Hello. 630 00:37:30,806 --> 00:37:33,001 How's it going? 631 00:37:33,075 --> 00:37:35,100 What's going on? 632 00:37:35,178 --> 00:37:38,875 Oh, nothing. Just discussing the Patriots and Red Sox... 633 00:37:38,948 --> 00:37:40,779 and fatwas. 634 00:37:42,251 --> 00:37:44,219 I'm disappointed. 635 00:37:44,287 --> 00:37:47,518 You're disappointed? You put us all at risk, girl. 636 00:37:47,590 --> 00:37:50,718 What if your ex-Pakistani blows up the building, hmm? 637 00:37:50,793 --> 00:37:55,230 That would really disappoint me. In fact, we'd all go to pieces. 638 00:37:58,034 --> 00:38:00,969 I can't stop you revealing my secret, if that's what you choose to do... 639 00:38:01,037 --> 00:38:02,971 but you will jeopardize my life. 640 00:38:14,450 --> 00:38:17,112 A fatwa? 641 00:38:27,930 --> 00:38:31,058 Can you imagine- of all the times I've beaten the rap... 642 00:38:31,133 --> 00:38:33,761 to be convicted of public gayness? 643 00:38:33,836 --> 00:38:36,327 I'll be forced to un-register as a Republican. 644 00:38:36,405 --> 00:38:39,135 Republicans would have no problem with you being gay, Denny... 645 00:38:39,208 --> 00:38:41,472 so long as you continue to persecute homosexuals. 646 00:38:41,544 --> 00:38:43,637 I hope you're right. 647 00:38:43,713 --> 00:38:46,773 Madam foreperson, the jury's verdict is unanimous? 648 00:38:46,849 --> 00:38:50,842 - Yes, Your Honor. - The defendant will please rise. 649 00:38:52,355 --> 00:38:54,289 Madam foreperson, what say you? 650 00:38:54,357 --> 00:38:57,155 We find the defendant, Denny Crane... 651 00:38:57,226 --> 00:38:58,454 not guilty. 652 00:39:01,497 --> 00:39:04,432 - Oh, thank God. - Congratulations, Denny. 653 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:07,867 Could Your Honor find as a matter of law that I am not gay? 654 00:39:07,937 --> 00:39:09,666 Denied! 655 00:39:10,873 --> 00:39:13,341 Adjourned. 656 00:39:13,409 --> 00:39:15,206 You must be deeply relieved. 657 00:39:15,278 --> 00:39:18,611 Oh, I could hug you. But I might get arrested. 658 00:39:18,681 --> 00:39:20,672 Hug me anyway. 659 00:39:20,750 --> 00:39:22,308 Mr. Crane? 660 00:39:26,188 --> 00:39:28,179 Could we get a statement? 661 00:39:28,257 --> 00:39:31,124 Not gay, not guilty. 662 00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:39,634 Tell me the truth. 663 00:39:39,702 --> 00:39:42,193 Wouldn't you hate it if people thought you were gay? 664 00:39:44,507 --> 00:39:49,069 Well, I'd hate the idea of being perceived as deceitful or dishonest. 665 00:39:50,313 --> 00:39:52,247 As for sexual orientation, I- 666 00:39:54,550 --> 00:39:56,848 Women are much less guarded around gay men, Denny. 667 00:39:56,919 --> 00:39:59,149 You could endear yourself... 668 00:39:59,221 --> 00:40:02,657 as a bit of a Trojan horse before surprising them with your... 669 00:40:02,725 --> 00:40:04,659 Trojan. 670 00:40:04,727 --> 00:40:06,820 I never thought of that. 671 00:40:06,896 --> 00:40:09,990 This could be an advantage. 672 00:40:13,903 --> 00:40:15,837 Thank you, Alan. 673 00:40:15,905 --> 00:40:18,703 I'm not crazy about you lumping me... 674 00:40:18,774 --> 00:40:20,901 with that closet Democrat from Idaho, but- 675 00:40:20,976 --> 00:40:25,242 Still, thank you. 676 00:40:26,749 --> 00:40:30,446 Can you believe the D.A. Tried to exploit us for being flamingos? 677 00:40:30,519 --> 00:40:32,987 Oh, ridiculous. 678 00:40:33,055 --> 00:40:36,081 Thank God he didn't find out we like to dress up as the Lennon Sisters. 679 00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:41,627 - He actually tried to shame us for our sleepovers. - Bigot! 680 00:40:41,697 --> 00:40:43,688 Those homosexuals... 681 00:40:43,766 --> 00:40:47,065 can't stand the thought of legitimate male bonding. 682 00:40:47,136 --> 00:40:49,536 - Where's the tolerance? - Mmm. 683 00:40:49,605 --> 00:40:53,268 Oh. Did you hear Shirley went up against Bethany? 684 00:40:53,342 --> 00:40:56,277 - No. - Uh-huh. 685 00:40:58,013 --> 00:41:00,607 God, it's been so long since I've had sex with a dwarf. 686 00:41:01,684 --> 00:41:06,254 Me, too. 687 00:41:06,322 --> 00:41:09,883 It's the little things, Alan. 688 00:41:09,959 --> 00:41:13,258 - We gotta stop working so much. - Maybe if you could stop getting arrested. 689 00:41:13,329 --> 00:41:15,058 I'm the problem? 690 00:41:15,131 --> 00:41:18,760 Well, you have been causing a fair amount of trouble lately. 691 00:41:21,070 --> 00:41:23,334 Do you think I've lived the evil life? 692 00:41:23,406 --> 00:41:28,434 I womanize, I drink, I break the law. 693 00:41:28,511 --> 00:41:31,344 Now, to be mistaken for a- a- 694 00:41:33,149 --> 00:41:36,846 Well, you get to be my age, you worry about the afterlife... 695 00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:40,278 where you're heading. 696 00:41:41,924 --> 00:41:44,586 You ever think about those things? 697 00:41:45,661 --> 00:41:47,629 Sometimes. 698 00:41:47,696 --> 00:41:50,130 Then I remember what Mark Twain said: 699 00:41:50,199 --> 00:41:52,793 "You go to heaven for the climate, but to hell for the company. " 700 00:41:52,868 --> 00:41:54,836 So no matter what, in the end- 701 00:41:54,904 --> 00:41:56,838 We'll be together. 702 00:41:56,906 --> 00:42:01,309 - Indeed. - Soul mates in hell. I love it. 703 00:42:05,381 --> 00:42:07,315 Bet they have dwarves in hell. 704 00:42:07,383 --> 00:42:09,374 How could they not? 705 00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:13,512 Suddenly I'm less afraid of death. 706 00:42:15,424 --> 00:42:17,392 There you go. 707 00:43:04,100 --> 00:43:06,034 You stinker!