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previously on boston legal
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The reason I came to the boston office
was to ring out some of the madness.
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Some pakistani put a hit on her?
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Fled london,changed my
name,began a new life here.
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What if your ex-pakistani
blows up the building,hmm?
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what are you doing?
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Climbing on my soapbox,judge.
I do it once a week.
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- This is not your political forum.
- Really?
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What kind of lawyer are you?
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The troubled yet fun kind.
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You're representing a woman
who's in love with a utility box?
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You likened your
buttocks to god's image.
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You cannot fire somebody
just because they're fat.
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oh,will you stop with the dink shots?
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You're playing like a girl.
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Just get up to the net.
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Hey,hey! That was out.
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what,are you a linesman now?
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game,set,match.
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Jump the net.
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Mr. Crane.
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Oh,bert,my man.
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What brings you downtown?
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You do. You sued me,Mr. Crane.
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Oh,right.
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Why'd you sue me?
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Uh,well,bert because I drove all the way
to revere beach to get one of your pizzas¡ª
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he makes the best pizza in the world¡ª
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and,uh,when I got to revere
beach after an hour in traffic,
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I didn't get my pizza.
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You weren't there. You were
closed. That pissed me off.
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Did you see the restaurant?
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It was destroyed. It got trashed
in the flood. It wasn't my fault.
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So what? You sue who hurts
you,I sue who hurts me.
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That's the way the law works.
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What do I sue,god for causing the flood,
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or the national guard for
failing to show up and help?
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That's your call,bert.
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I'm rested. Another game?
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This isn't fair. And it's not funny.
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I lo my business,Mr. Crane.
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Everything I worked for my
entire life,it's all gone.
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My place got destroyed by a flood.
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It could've been
prevented,and nobody came.
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I'm afraid denny's
right,though I wouldn't sue god.
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He's a flight risk.
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So that would leave the national guard.
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We'll represent you.
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- Wh-what?
- What?
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The national guard has a duty to show
up should there be a natural disaster.
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They didn't,and like any real tragedy,
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somebody somewhere has to
stand ready to exploit it.
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That's where denny and i come in.
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One of my specialties is turning
courtroom proceedings into a circus.
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You'll need to wear a tie.
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What are you talking about?
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I'm talking about suing the
national guard,of course.
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Suing the national guard.
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I like it.
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-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
proudly presents
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sync: ֥ʿµ°¸â
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
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Boston Legal
Season 04 Episode 09
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- alan,I'm having second thoughts.
- Why?
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Suing the
national guard--
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it might seem unpatriotic to
criticize one's country at a time
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when we're trying to blow
up somebody else's country.
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Come on,denny. You'll actually
be serving america here.
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Sorry we're late. New case.
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what?
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The two of you serving
america makes me nervous.
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Oh,we've decided to sue
the national guard,carl.
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You want in?
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You're suing them for what?
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They failed to protect denny's favorite
pizza parlor from being wiped out by a flood.
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Yes or no? I can't save your spot.
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Alan,you cannot sue the nationaluard.
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Of course we can.
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Isn't it grand,shirley?
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We do these things that seem
completely absurd,and then incredibly,
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we manage to make them not only
watchable,but fun and informative.
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Aren't you just dying to
see how we do it this time?
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I'm not.
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Just the thought of
dying makes me jumpy.
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I don't like dying. That's
why I live my life safe.
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And I don't like to put
others at risk either.
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Not everybody's like that.
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That's just me,I guess.
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thank you for that
stirring commentary,whitney.
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grammy?
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Marlena.
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I am so sorry to interrupt.
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Oh,my god. It's an emergencY.
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I am in big trouble,grammy.
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I need your help.
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Okay.
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Grammy?
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Okay,is it me,or is
that little thing hot?
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hope I'm not her grandpa.
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expelled?
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My parents don't know. They'll kill me.
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Grammy,you gotta help me.
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I can't be expelled.
My life will be over.
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Oh,my god.
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W-what did you do?
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It was bad.
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I was...
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well,you know those stupid government-issued
assessment tests they always make you take?
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I sort of stole the test and...
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accidentally shredded it and inadvertently scattered
the confetti all over the principal's office...
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sort of.
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Okay,so maybe it wasn't an
accident,but I can't be expelled.
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Oh,my god.
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Marlena,what were you thinking?
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Well... something like...
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well,you know how those
standardized tests are evil,
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and something like how if henry
david thoreau were still alive,
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he'd hred them,too.
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Something like that... sort of.
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we're just a bit curious,that's all.
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What's to be curious about?
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Well,I have many pakistani friends,none
of whom believe in honor killings.
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And as for anyone who does,I'm having
trouble seeing you and he as soul mates.
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It turns out we were not soul mates,which
occasioned my having the affair.
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Does it really matter?
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Uh,it does to me.
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And I can't figure out why you
would sign on for high-profile cases,
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of which you'vhad many,with
your little face all on the news.
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It just seems odd for somebody
who's got a fatwa against her.
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I mean,I te to lay low with my fatwas.
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Three associates grouped.
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Who's getting billed?
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Oh,get over yourself,carl.
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You want something?
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Yes,whitney.
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Shirley needs a second chair.
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- Oh,thank you so much for volunteering.
- I didn'T.
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Ah,but you did.
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They're waiting for you.
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Great.
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Do I need to find
something for you to do?
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I don't scare.
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Of all the ridiculous,outrageous,preposterous
cas you've brought before me,
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this one takes the prize.
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Well,thank you,your
honor. We love prizes.
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And it should be said,when we get the
ridiculous,outrageous,preposterous cases,
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we immediately think of you.
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Though I must say,uh,the most ridiculous
part of this case is,it's actually not.
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What's your cause of action?
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Well,your honor,my client had an expectation
of services from the national guard,
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services which theydid not provide.
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We're in a war,for god sake.
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And if the war or anything else rendered
them incapable of providing services at home,
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how about a little notice?
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Tell the people they're on their own.
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My client could've taken precautions.
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He might have purchased flood insurance.
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As it was,to his detriment,he
relied on the idea
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that the national guard would
be there for him. They weren'T.
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He lost his business,his life's work.
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Mr. Shore,you have brought many
un-american cases into my courtroom,
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- but this,this is--
- outrageous,yes.
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So is the fact that when my
client needed the national guard,
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uh,they were nowhere to be found.
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I take that back.
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They could be found in iraq.
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- You listen to me.
- With both ears.
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This court will reconvene at 2:00.
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I will listen to your proffer
of exactly what your case is.
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If it's as baseless
as I expect it to be...
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as you keep an open mind.
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I will jail both you
and Mr. Crane for ntempt.
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Me? What did I do?
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These are serious,serious charges here¡ª
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stealing tests,vandalism,destruction
of school property.
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I could report her to
the district attorney.
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I understand,and we're all
very grateful that you haven'T.
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I was also hoping that your understanding might
extend to a reconsideration of marlena's expulsion.
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But just in case,she
came armed with attorneys.
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My granddaughter is very contrite.
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What i don't understand¡ª
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she's always been a model
student,well-behaved.
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She spends one year abroad,and
she comes back a monster.
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What happened,marlena?
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00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,320
Well,when I was studying in england,
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I just realized how pathetic
this school is... sort of...
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00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:37,930
and how you don't really teach us
anything,and that made me angry.
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Add to that how stupid the idea
of these standardized tests are,
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and... well,I...I wanted to shred you.
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but I realized that would
be taking it too far,
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so I settled for the test... sort of.
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Her contrition aside,the
expulsion stands.
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Excuse me.
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Can I be the voice of reason here?
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00:09:01,860 --> 00:09:04,810
Ms. Schmidt may be a little to
close-- it's her granddaughter¡ª
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and you,being the one
who feels insulted...
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may I just make a neutral observation?
197
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Okay.
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00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:17,190
If we have to go to court,we will,and
we'll embarrass your sorry ass.
199
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:20,010
My advice would be to
take this girl back now
200
00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:21,850
so that we don't have to sue you
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00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:28,760
and put the whole public school system
on trial for raising a nation of idiots.
202
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,950
Is that helpful?
203
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:34,810
fine.
204
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,740
Make me the bad guy.
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00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:37,830
I try to help...
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00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:39,220
yeah,by antagonizing him.
207
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:42,080
I did not antagonize.
I threatened. Okay?
208
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,380
- Everyone has a style.
- Yeah,well,yours isn't working.
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00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,130
She's facing expulsion.
210
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,710
- Why is she in public school anyway?
- Oh,shut up.
211
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:49,750
Sounds like it went well.
212
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,220
Yeah. Ask grammy.
213
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:58,580
Shirley... um,this obviously
sounds like a bad time,but...
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00:09:58,620 --> 00:09:59,920
but what?
215
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:04,480
I'm considering going back to new york.
216
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:15,170
I,uh... I don't understand.
217
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:17,600
Is it-- is it
something about me?
218
00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:18,630
No.
219
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,280
I love you.
220
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,230
Then...
221
00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:27,140
I'm not doing anything here.
222
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:32,500
you brought me in to restore a little
order in the litigation department.
223
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:36,830
Well,I'm failing,shirley,rather
miserably,in fact.
224
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,680
In my very short tenure,we've
represented clients
225
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:45,210
for cock fighting,bull fighting,solicitation
of a female prostitute¡ª
226
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,710
that being a senior partner,solicitation
of a male prostitute¡ª
227
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:54,210
the same senior partner who we also defended
in a civil suit after he fired a fat girl
228
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:57,620
because he didn't want to catch obesity.
229
00:10:57,660 --> 00:11:02,070
We routinely bring the
most ridiculous of lawsuits.
230
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:03,800
Today we have one against
the national guard.
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00:11:03,820 --> 00:11:05,370
This is nuts.
232
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,450
And what's the problem?
233
00:11:08,490 --> 00:11:11,700
I don't know... how to manage this.
234
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:16,180
What's more,I don't really
think you want it managed.
235
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:21,270
I think you like this...
this whatever it is.
236
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:27,510
Can't you just sort of... seize the day?
237
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,870
If I can't feel...
238
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:36,320
like I'm bringing anything to
what seems to be very much a party,
239
00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:39,570
I'll never be happy.
240
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,210
You bring a lot to me.
241
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,220
That's not enough.
242
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:57,480
Well,I... I guess that
says it all,doesn't it?
243
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:12,800
let me get this straight,you want
me to enjoin a high school expulsion.
244
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,720
Yes,your honor,on the grounds that
a harmless act of civil disobedience
245
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:20,470
shouldn't warrant
expulsion,certainly not in this case.
246
00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:24,020
And suppose every kid wanted
to hijack and shred tests,
247
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,170
then scatter them over
the principal's office?
248
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:30,970
Well,I suspect most kids wouldn't dare do that
for fear of jeopardizing their college careers.
249
00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:33,280
In fact,most kids are so
desperate to get into college,
250
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:37,390
they're willing to completely
forsake learning just to get there.
251
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:40,550
Ms. Hoffman,take the stand,please.
252
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,210
is this how it's going to be,katie?
253
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:08,370
I have to lookver one
shoulder for an ex-husband,
254
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,900
the other to see what you're up to?
255
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:11,520
Oh,I was just daydreaming. That's all.
256
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:13,510
Daydreaming,about what?
257
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:15,570
Well,my wedding day,if you must know.
258
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:16,400
Girls do that.
259
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,240
What kind of ceremony,the
dress,that sort of thing.
260
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,160
What was your dress like,lorraine?
261
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:22,780
A lot of lace.
262
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,500
What color was it?
263
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,790
I only ask because pakistani
tradition would be a red dress,
264
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:31,460
and since your husband is orthodox
enough to believe in fatwas...
265
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:34,120
did you wear red,lorraine?
266
00:13:39,070 --> 00:13:40,670
as water continued to pour in,
267
00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:45,310
27 fire departments from 7 counties
worked throughout the night with sandbags,
268
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:50,940
all to no avail as more than 33,000 people were
displaced from either their homes or businesses,
269
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:54,080
all of them angry,all
singing the same refrain¡ª
270
00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:56,110
where was the national guard?
271
00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:57,970
We all know where they were.
272
00:13:58,010 --> 00:13:59,310
In iraq,fighting a war.
273
00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:02,080
And in times of war,we
make sacrifices,Mr. Shore.
274
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:05,990
Yes,but this military branch has
domestic responsibilities as well,judge.
275
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:09,510
The governor declared a state
of emergency,and they wereone.
276
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,790
And it isn't just the troops
that are in iraq,by the way,
277
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,210
but much of the national
guard's equipment as well.
278
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,620
And what most people don't know¡ª
279
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,590
we just leave it there.
280
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:17,620
We don't bring it back.
281
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,760
- We're in a state of--
- war,yes.
282
00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:24,700
We're in a post "mission accomplished" surge
that general petraeus says is going very well
283
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:28,170
and that our president has
assured us all the next president,
284
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,250
good luck to him or her¡ª
285
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,160
might even figure a way out of¡ª
286
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:32,900
all you do is bitch.
287
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,420
This time you've gone too far.
288
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,340
You are just one minute away
from a jail cell,Mr. Shore.
289
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,860
Uh,your honor,my point¡ª
290
00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,810
we're nogetting services at home.
291
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:44,900
The people in new orleans didn't
after katrina,my client didn't here,
292
00:14:44,930 --> 00:14:48,940
and by the way,I don't think I'm that much of a
complainer given all there is to complain about¡ª
293
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:54,460
education,social security,inflation,unemployment,health
care,homeland security,the war,
294
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,270
the fact that osama and britney
keep pumping out new videos.
295
00:14:57,290 --> 00:14:58,240
There's global warming.
296
00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,120
Nothing,nothing is going right,judge.
297
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,210
And you simply cannot
put a positive spin on it
298
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,460
no matter how many tes
you say general petraeus.
299
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,340
30 seconds from a jail cell.
300
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:11,330
This war has cost us $450
billion and still counting.
301
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,520
Add to that the afghanistan
invasion,it goes up to $650 billion.
302
00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:16,890
Add all the indirect costs,it
goes up to $2 trillion.
303
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,080
20 seconds!
304
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:23,140
Let's just consider what the $450
billion we've spent in iraq could buy us.
305
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:28,120
How about free health insurance for
every uninsured family-- $124 billion.
306
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:33,310
Convert every single car to
run on ethanol--$68 billion.
307
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:38,060
Primary education for every child on
the planet-- all of them-- $30 billion.
308
00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:40,510
Hey,end hunger in
america-- $7 billion.
309
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,130
You are not an accountant!
310
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,680
No,I'm a town crier,judge.
311
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,740
We have to talk about the cost
othis war in terms of human lives¡ª
312
00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:47,900
it's in the thousands.
313
00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:51,720
And by that I mean american soldiers since
the pentagon doesn't seem to count iraqis,
314
00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:53,060
but that's a small point.
315
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:55,100
The actual cost is much,much more.
316
00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:57,320
Suing our government,suing
a branch of the¡ª
317
00:15:57,350 --> 00:16:00,590
of the military in a time of
war cannot help but add to it.
318
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,650
No. Your case against the
national guard is dismissed.
319
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:06,040
The bailiff will take Mr.
Shore and Mr. Crane into custody
320
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,010
and lock them up for
contempt of court and country.
321
00:16:13,630 --> 00:16:15,450
I've got my own.
322
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,290
Those pinch.
323
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,840
In england,in school
with the british kids,
324
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:25,110
I looked like a complete ignoramus.
325
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,200
Oh,my god.
326
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,150
Uh,they knew more about
everything than I did.
327
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:31,490
They knew my country's history better.
328
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,300
They could find places
the m that I couldn'T.
329
00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:36,580
And you blame your high
school back home for this?
330
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,420
Well,I came back here and i
started to do a little research.
331
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:44,120
Did you know there's a study that found
one-third of young adults in the U.S.
332
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,410
Can't tell you which way northwest is?
333
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,480
Okay,but let's be fair. You can.
334
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,420
Well,that's not much of a consolation.
335
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:54,110
Less than 40% of high school
seniors can read proficiently.
336
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:55,770
That's pathetic.
337
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,040
And these standardized
tests-- oh,my god.
338
00:16:58,070 --> 00:17:00,650
So you decided to shred them.
339
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:05,780
Eldridge cleaver said,"you're either part
of the solution,or part of the problem."
340
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:09,110
I learned that in england,by the way.
341
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,170
You committed a crime.
342
00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:15,690
I took action to ensure my right
to be provided a quality education,
343
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,510
as promised by the
massachusetts state constituon
344
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:22,170
and the education reform act of 1993.
345
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,270
Did they tell you to
say that in england?
346
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,970
No,they said claim executive privilege.
347
00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:30,810
The tests you shredded,young lady,are
specifically designed, in part,
348
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,850
to identify which schools need which
improvements in which areas,the very goals that-
349
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,560
judge,the data on these
tests is so fudged.
350
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:43,630
In mississippi,for example,the national test showed
that only 18% of kids could read proficiently.
351
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,760
So what did they do?
352
00:17:44,790 --> 00:17:48,860
They made a special mississippi
test that showed 89% were proficient,
353
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:52,710
and presto,they avoid sanctions
from "no child left behind."
354
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:55,390
So the answer is shredding the tests.
355
00:17:55,430 --> 00:17:59,540
If the choice comes down to
teach the test or shred it,
356
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:02,270
I vote shred it. Oh,my god.
357
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,150
why is nobody coming for us?
358
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:13,260
Where are our significant others?
359
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,770
Denny,we're our significant others.
360
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,270
Oh,yeah.
361
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,170
I didn't like it when he
said that all I do is bitch.
362
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,690
Well,you do complain a lot.
363
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,460
But this wasn't trivial,denny.
364
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:30,950
I mean,think of it,this country is utterly
ill-equipped to deal with national emergencies
365
00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,680
because we're too busy
imposing democracies elsewhere.
366
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:38,350
In katrina,a lot of experts could see it coming
with those levees, and we didn't do anything.
367
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:40,260
And when they broke,we couldn't respond,
368
00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:43,160
just like we lack the manpower
to respond to the flood here.
369
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,770
Isn't there something wrong with that?
370
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,830
The roof's leaking at home,and
we're reshingling abroad.
371
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,640
oh,thank you,god.
372
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,300
Lorraine.
373
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,610
I don't want to be let
out. Just let her in.
374
00:18:56,650 --> 00:18:58,390
Please.
375
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:02,400
Be sure to lock it.
376
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,290
I need to talk to you in private.
377
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,570
Well,that could be difficult.
378
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,190
Not at all.
379
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,160
People talk like I'm not
in the room all the time.
380
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,430
What I hear,I won't remember.
381
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,460
It's about my past.
382
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,400
My past.
383
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,250
You--you
have a past?
384
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,610
Denny,please.
385
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:28,230
katie.. whitney... the
wagons are circling.
386
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,010
Katie tumbled to the idea that
I was english,and now she's¡ª
387
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:32,450
you're english?
388
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,190
Yes,denny. I am.
389
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:36,520
I suspect you find that rather exotic.
390
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:38,610
Oh,I love the english.
391
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,470
I had a thing with the queen
once on top of a xerox machine.
392
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,490
She's an animaL.
393
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,780
Ever since then,I've
carried this around.
394
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:55,060
She is out-of-her-mind
happy there,trust me.
395
00:19:59,270 --> 00:20:00,670
Lorraine,what's going on?
396
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,320
I first told katie I was married to
a pakistani who put a fatwa on me,
397
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,530
hence my need for secrecy.
398
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:06,560
A fatwa?
399
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,720
I was trying to throw her
off. She didn't buy it.
400
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,250
What the hell is she talking about?
401
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:20,770
Denny,when lorraine was in her
early 20s,she ran a business,a serve.
402
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,380
She was known throughout
england as "the piccadilly mam."
403
00:20:24,410 --> 00:20:27,010
My dream come true...
404
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:28,580
- you're a hooker.
- No.
405
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,240
She never performed services.
406
00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:32,760
She just arranged for escorts.
407
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:33,940
And katie knows?
408
00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:36,910
Not yet,but-- I
don't know what to do.
409
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:37,870
It's only a matter of time.
410
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:39,900
She keeps saying I look
familiar,she's watching every--
411
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,970
a hooker with a fatwa.
412
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:45,370
Lorraine,you've always known
this would eventually surface.
413
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,820
My advice would be to go
forward to shirley schmidt now.
414
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:49,720
You be the one to tell her.
415
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,540
And then what?
416
00:20:51,590 --> 00:20:55,330
I doubt very much they'll have use for an
associate who once ran a prostitution ring.
417
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:56,220
I would.
418
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:58,950
One thing about shirley,she surprises.
419
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,910
My bet is this is something
you could live down.
420
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:03,280
We've been bad,too.
421
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,660
Do you have any of
those nannies that spank?
422
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,360
You might not live it down today.
423
00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:26,570
hey.
424
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,040
Hey. Come in.
425
00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:42,010
I've been thinking a
lot about what you said.
426
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:43,510
Carl...
427
00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:47,040
your coming here to manage this place,
428
00:21:47,070 --> 00:21:52,180
while not a pretext,I
think we both know...
429
00:21:52,190 --> 00:21:56,820
you're mostly here because
we wanted to be together.
430
00:21:56,830 --> 00:21:59,620
Has that changed on your side?
431
00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:01,020
No.
432
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:05,730
But,shirley,I can't deny my...
433
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,030
esteem is somewhat bound up in my...
434
00:22:09,060 --> 00:22:11,140
feeling of worth at my job.
435
00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:12,990
I'm not feeling...
436
00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:16,790
I mean,the things that
go on here are just...
437
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:18,090
oh,carl,come on.
438
00:22:18,140 --> 00:22:23,750
Strip away the eccentricities,and at its
core,this is just like any other firm.
439
00:22:24,460 --> 00:22:26,360
I do apologize for intruding.
440
00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:29,710
Alan and denny have been
incarcerated on contempt charges.
441
00:22:29,730 --> 00:22:31,580
They wanted me to convey as much.
442
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:33,420
They're being heldindefinitely.
443
00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:36,090
Why are you speaking in that accent?
444
00:22:36,110 --> 00:22:38,390
Because I'm from england,shirley.
445
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:42,390
I owned and operated a brothel
during my late teens and early 20s.
446
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:44,630
After being arrested,I reached
a deal with the authorities
447
00:22:44,650 --> 00:22:48,150
whereby I would not be prosecuted
if I agreed to disappear.
448
00:22:48,190 --> 00:22:50,670
My clients included a
member of the royal family
449
00:22:50,690 --> 00:22:53,640
as well as several high-ranking
members of parliament,
450
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,710
so no extradition is being sought.
451
00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:58,230
I assumed a new
identity,moved to america
452
00:22:58,260 --> 00:23:00,600
and attended law school
as lorraine weller,
453
00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:03,080
which is now my legal name.
454
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,790
I tell you all of this in
the spirit of no surprises.
455
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,230
This is in the spirit of no surprises?
456
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:15,000
Yeah,you know,I'm sorry,you
were right,shirley.
457
00:23:15,050 --> 00:23:17,170
Just like any other firm.
458
00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:30,460
People out there in our
nation don't have maps,
459
00:23:30,470 --> 00:23:35,010
and,uh,I believe that our
I--education,like such as in south africa
460
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,050
and,uh,the iraq,everywhere like such as,
461
00:23:38,070 --> 00:23:41,490
and I believe that they should,uh...
462
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,180
our education over here in
the U.S. Should help the U.S.
463
00:23:45,210 --> 00:23:47,320
Or--or should
help south africa,
464
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:51,150
and it should help the iraq
and the asian countries.
465
00:23:51,410 --> 00:23:55,210
In that young woman's defense,she's
actually quite intelligent.
466
00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:58,700
She was just thrown by the
question and got nervous.
467
00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,970
Yeah,I was thrown by the question,too.
468
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:05,420
A fifth of americans can't find the
united states on the map? Is that true?
469
00:24:05,450 --> 00:24:08,530
Objection. This witness works at
the national geographic. She has no--
470
00:24:08,550 --> 00:24:13,390
the national geographic has done two studies to
determine the geographic literacy of young americans.
471
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:14,950
- Isn't that right?
- Yes.
472
00:24:14,980 --> 00:24:17,440
Could you give us the results,please?
473
00:24:17,470 --> 00:24:22,410
I sobbed,big heaving sobs,where
your shoulders go up and down.
474
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,650
Uh,the results of the test
not your reaction to it.
475
00:24:26,690 --> 00:24:30,870
Half cldn't locate new
york state on a U.S. Map.
476
00:24:30,890 --> 00:24:34,060
Even after katrina,one-third
couldn't show you louisiana.
477
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:35,170
The pacific ocean?
478
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,310
Goose egg from 29%.
479
00:24:37,340 --> 00:24:39,670
The pacific ocean,for god sakes.
480
00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:40,780
And where's japan?
481
00:24:40,810 --> 00:24:42,300
58% don't know.
482
00:24:42,330 --> 00:24:45,080
England? Head-scratcher for 69%.
483
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,990
Did you survey the geographic literacy
of young adults in other countries?
485
00:24:57,380 --> 00:24:59,040
Second to last.
486
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,100
we beat mexico.
487
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,520
May I be excused?
488
00:25:03,550 --> 00:25:05,850
No,get a grip.
489
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:11,290
Were any of the young americans surveyed
products of a massachusetts public school?
490
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,350
no.
491
00:25:22,700 --> 00:25:26,040
I've been thinking about how
much I criticize the government.
492
00:25:26,070 --> 00:25:27,730
Yet what do I do for the government?
493
00:25:27,770 --> 00:25:29,450
Oh,alan,you're a democrat.
494
00:25:29,490 --> 00:25:33,310
You're expected to complain
and offer no solutions.
495
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,790
I'm gonna join the national guard.
496
00:25:36,830 --> 00:25:37,520
Very funny.
497
00:25:37,570 --> 00:25:38,350
I'm serious.
498
00:25:38,390 --> 00:25:39,800
I won't contribute to the war effort,
499
00:25:39,810 --> 00:25:41,490
but there's gotta be
something else I can do.
500
00:25:41,530 --> 00:25:42,440
Like what?
501
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,800
I don't know,maybe help prevent somebody's
pizza parlor from being washed away.
502
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,460
I'm letting you go for
one consideration...
503
00:25:59,470 --> 00:26:02,750
that I never see you again.
504
00:26:02,780 --> 00:26:04,120
Ever.
505
00:26:04,170 --> 00:26:06,290
We've decided to join
the national guard.
506
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,190
Are you in?
507
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,000
Come on,denny.
508
00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:16,680
"Ask not what your
country can do for you."
509
00:26:16,890 --> 00:26:18,560
Think they'll let me shoot somebody?
510
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,370
I don't see why not.
511
00:26:24,430 --> 00:26:28,300
- I'm sorry,but I'm afraid neither of you can join.
- Why not?
512
00:26:28,330 --> 00:26:31,190
Well,the maximum age
is 42. I'm very sorry.
513
00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:33,290
But thank you for
thinking of your country.
514
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:34,780
42? Why?
515
00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:36,190
Well,that's just the way it is,sir.
516
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:37,840
But thank you for
thinking of your country.
517
00:26:37,850 --> 00:26:38,930
That's just the way it iS.
518
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,520
That should be the way it isn'T.
519
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:41,680
We both have skills.
520
00:26:41,710 --> 00:26:42,880
We have a lot to offer.
521
00:26:42,930 --> 00:26:44,310
I'm sorry,sir.
But thank you--
522
00:26:44,340 --> 00:26:46,590
never mind that the army
is deplete for god sake,
523
00:26:46,620 --> 00:26:47,960
you're completely out of bodies.
524
00:26:47,990 --> 00:26:49,590
We're able bodies.
525
00:26:49,630 --> 00:26:51,580
We're still strongnd fit.
526
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,220
My ass hasn't even dropped.
527
00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:57,020
You can volunteer with the V.A.
528
00:26:57,050 --> 00:27:00,740
They have,uh,many programs that
work with us on disaster relief.
529
00:27:00,770 --> 00:27:02,160
I would the recommend the U.S.O.
530
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,070
The U.S.O.?
531
00:27:03,110 --> 00:27:06,190
They just sing and dance
and tell jokes,don't they?
532
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,290
They do a lot more than that,sir.
533
00:27:07,330 --> 00:27:10,660
- But thank you for think-
- okay,first of all--and please don't thank us anymore-
534
00:27:10,690 --> 00:27:12,790
your age limits are obsolete.
535
00:27:12,820 --> 00:27:16,450
Doctors today have developed
"real age" assessment tools
536
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,120
that prove people can be much younger than
the years reflected on their birth certificate.
537
00:27:20,150 --> 00:27:23,620
We exercise,we get a
lot of fiber,we have sex.
538
00:27:23,650 --> 00:27:24,690
A lot of sex.
539
00:27:24,730 --> 00:27:25,760
Things have changed.
540
00:27:25,790 --> 00:27:27,540
Chris chelios is 45.
541
00:27:27,570 --> 00:27:30,240
He's an all-star defenseman
in the national hockey league.
542
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:31,890
Are you saying you'd turn him down?
543
00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:33,890
Roger clemens-- he
wouldn't qualify?
544
00:27:33,940 --> 00:27:35,670
He's a traitor.
545
00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:37,960
Well,okay. I mean physically,denny.
546
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:40,190
I'm sorry,but thank you
for thinking of your c--
547
00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:42,310
now stop it. You need men.
548
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,920
We could take steroids.
549
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,440
Are you seriously telling us
there's nothing we can contribute?
550
00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:50,170
We can't drive a plow in a snowstorm?
551
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,230
Well,perhaps you can help recruit
soldiers for the national guard.
552
00:27:53,260 --> 00:27:55,410
- We don't want to recruit.
- We want to shoot people.
553
00:27:55,430 --> 00:27:57,110
- Ll,I don't want to shoot anybody.
- I want to shoot people.
554
00:27:57,150 --> 00:27:58,910
But I can perform services,some¡ª
555
00:27:58,940 --> 00:28:03,570
- the maximum age is 42 unless you've got previous military service.
- I do.
556
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,700
And even then,75 is too old.
557
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,470
Look... I've tried being
nice,I've thanked you.
558
00:28:11,510 --> 00:28:14,130
Now I need you to leave.
559
00:28:15,180 --> 00:28:17,470
And if we don't?
560
00:28:17,530 --> 00:28:20,830
What,you're gonna call in
your last troop to remove us?
561
00:28:20,870 --> 00:28:23,470
I'll have you arrested.
562
00:28:24,980 --> 00:28:27,350
come on,alan.
563
00:28:27,870 --> 00:28:29,720
Let's go to canada
564
00:28:36,570 --> 00:28:38,990
we all wish our public
schools were better.
565
00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:42,330
Personally,I'm a math teacher
in addition to being a principal.
566
00:28:42,370 --> 00:28:44,320
Math is very dear to me.
567
00:28:44,330 --> 00:28:45,270
And?
568
00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:51,900
Well,U.S. Students scored lower in math
than those in france,germany,japan,canada.
569
00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:55,340
But I will say,the massachusetts
'06 graduating class
570
00:28:55,380 --> 00:28:58,700
posted the highest A.C.T.Math
scores of any state.
571
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:03,030
And our state graduation rate
far exceeds the national average.
572
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,940
You heard her say she felt
behind theids in england.
573
00:29:05,970 --> 00:29:07,910
England has problems,too.
574
00:29:07,940 --> 00:29:13,680
Researchers found that half the teenagers in england
thought there were about a hundred members of parliament.
575
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:18,200
Those kids are about 500 off
for the house of commons alone.
576
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,980
England isn't all get-out.
577
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,780
So where do your own kids go?
578
00:29:23,820 --> 00:29:25,440
The groton academy.
579
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:26,730
That's a private school.
580
00:29:26,770 --> 00:29:28,530
Yes.
581
00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:34,020
Look,I'm not going to sit here and deny
that our public schools have probleMs.
582
00:29:34,050 --> 00:29:37,000
But that doesn't give her
the right to shred tests.
583
00:29:37,030 --> 00:29:39,800
Do you believe in these
standardized tests?
584
00:29:39,850 --> 00:29:40,600
Not really.
585
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,940
But you use them all the same.
586
00:29:42,990 --> 00:29:44,370
I don't really have a choice,
587
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,860
not if we want to have any
kind of federal funding.
588
00:29:46,890 --> 00:29:48,180
Ah,the money.
589
00:29:48,230 --> 00:29:50,720
why stick to your values
when there's cash at stake?
590
00:29:50,750 --> 00:29:52,090
Hey,do you want my job?
591
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:53,280
You make it sound hard.
592
00:29:53,310 --> 00:29:55,260
No,uh,no,it's not hard at all.
593
00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:57,300
I've got veteran teachers retiring,
594
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,120
younger teachers jumping
ship by the droves,
595
00:30:00,130 --> 00:30:01,230
no one to put in their place.
596
00:30:01,270 --> 00:30:02,240
I can't pay them.
597
00:30:02,270 --> 00:30:04,900
So basically you're
failing as a principal.
598
00:30:04,950 --> 00:30:05,980
I'm failing?
599
00:30:06,010 --> 00:30:07,580
Yes,you just admitted that.
600
00:30:07,620 --> 00:30:10,510
Do you know what the teacher attrition
rate costs this country annually?
601
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,860
- $7 billion.
- Here we go.
602
00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:16,460
Meanwhile,we waste $600 million
on these assessment exams
603
00:30:16,490 --> 00:30:20,890
to prove our annual yearly progress
to the "no child left behind nazis
604
00:30:20,930 --> 00:30:23,250
so they won't sanction us or fire us.
605
00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:25,730
Give me the $7 billion
that goes down the toilet,
606
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,280
- and maybe I can make better schools.
- Jason--
607
00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:32,580
better yet,how about the federal government actually coming
through with some of the funds they promised the states
608
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,760
to put their "no child left
behind" mandates in place?
609
00:30:35,780 --> 00:30:37,360
- Jason--
- yeah,but I'm the one that's a failure.
610
00:30:37,380 --> 00:30:39,000
Yeah,no. It-- it's
the principals.
611
00:30:39,030 --> 00:30:40,520
Jason!
612
00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,600
So what do they plan to do now?
613
00:30:47,650 --> 00:30:49,660
I have no idea. I was
never charged with a crime,
614
00:30:49,690 --> 00:30:53,420
but I'm sure I violated
some morals clause.
615
00:30:53,450 --> 00:30:55,970
Plus,I'm an at-will employee, so...
616
00:30:56,020 --> 00:30:58,390
I'm so sorry,lorraine. I never
intended for you to lose your job.
617
00:30:58,420 --> 00:31:01,970
- I just...
- knew something was up.
618
00:31:03,130 --> 00:31:05,810
Katie,still looking for something to do?
619
00:31:05,850 --> 00:31:07,740
An idle brain's the devil's playground.
620
00:31:07,770 --> 00:31:10,050
Am I right,lorraine?
621
00:31:11,490 --> 00:31:14,480
What part of "I never want to see
you again" did you not understand?
622
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,380
Uh,no,your honor. We're here
for something else entirely.
623
00:31:17,410 --> 00:31:20,010
After you inspired us to do something,
624
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:22,240
we went to the national guard to
join up, and they turned us down.
625
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,430
So now I'm here to bitch about that.
626
00:31:24,460 --> 00:31:26,230
You're too old for the national guard.
627
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:30,420
Maybe for combat,but surely there
must be other ways we can contribute.
628
00:31:30,470 --> 00:31:32,140
And even if we were of age,
629
00:31:32,180 --> 00:31:36,340
it turns out you can only join the national
guard if you're willing to be deployed in the war.
630
00:31:36,370 --> 00:31:39,970
Apparently they don't allow you to
enlist only to serve domestically.
631
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,580
Well,there's a reason for that.
632
00:31:41,610 --> 00:31:44,260
If people had the choice to
serve domestically,they'd do so,
633
00:31:44,270 --> 00:31:48,790
in which case,we'd lose our backdoor draft and
not have enough poor people to fight our war.
634
00:31:48,810 --> 00:31:54,720
Yes,even so,the national guardis utterly
depleted,and here we are,ready,willing and able.
635
00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:59,480
Uh,denny crane and alan shore reporting
for duty,sir,ready to serve our country.
636
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:00,890
Oh,for god sake.
637
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,170
Look,I agree. It seems stupid that in a
time when we're desperate for more troops,
638
00:32:04,220 --> 00:32:08,140
we're excluding people on
age or sexual orientation
639
00:32:08,170 --> 00:32:12,060
or reasons that have nothing
to do with job performance.
640
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,330
It even seems...
641
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,160
you can say it.
642
00:32:17,190 --> 00:32:18,110
Outrageous.
643
00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:21,820
But a superior court judge
cannot set military policy.
644
00:32:21,850 --> 00:32:24,160
I admire your motives,Mr. Shore.
645
00:32:24,210 --> 00:32:27,140
But this case is dismissed,too.
646
00:32:27,180 --> 00:32:29,160
There's always the boy scouts,
647
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:34,440
though I expect you'd have to be
young and straight to get in there,too.
648
00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:37,120
So we can't serve our country?
649
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,800
Our country doesn't want us.
650
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:55,540
Marlena hoffman committed a
trespass,destroyed property,shredded tests.
651
00:32:55,550 --> 00:32:58,040
Of course the school
appropriately expelled her.
652
00:32:58,070 --> 00:33:00,780
This was not an exercise in free speech.
653
00:33:00,790 --> 00:33:02,770
It was an act of vandalism.
654
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,210
Uh,imagine the anarchy we'd
see if they didn't expel her.
655
00:33:07,770 --> 00:33:09,670
We love anarchy.
656
00:33:09,710 --> 00:33:12,050
American history started
with the revolution,
657
00:33:12,070 --> 00:33:15,040
and let's not forget
the boston tea party.
658
00:33:15,070 --> 00:33:16,640
Is there potential for abuses?
659
00:33:16,660 --> 00:33:17,550
Of course. We've seen it.
660
00:33:17,590 --> 00:33:20,900
But we're bouncing this
girl for shredding tests?
661
00:33:20,930 --> 00:33:25,390
Tests which are printed in
tremendous bulk,by the way.
662
00:33:25,430 --> 00:33:27,400
I-I might argue harmless error.
663
00:33:27,430 --> 00:33:29,610
You're actually
defending her act,counsel?
664
00:33:29,650 --> 00:33:31,420
No,judge. I am not.
665
00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:32,620
She took it too far.
666
00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,290
But so is the school taking
it too far with this expulsion.
667
00:33:36,330 --> 00:33:40,590
Your honor,it is indisputable that
our educational system is in trouble.
668
00:33:40,610 --> 00:33:44,330
34% of fourth graders cannot
read at a basic level--
669
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,180
this in the united states.
670
00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:47,860
What is happening to this country?
671
00:33:47,890 --> 00:33:50,830
It's not enough to wonder,where
have all the teachers gone?
672
00:33:50,870 --> 00:33:53,090
But where are they coming from?
673
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:57,370
This "no child left behind"
act,we've got to get rid of it.
674
00:33:57,390 --> 00:34:00,670
It's leaving our kids behind.
675
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,680
Marlena hoffman
destroyed school property.
676
00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:07,420
She committed an act of vandalism.
677
00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:16,160
But she also engaged in one of the noblest,most
historically acceptable forms of patriotism-- protest.
678
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,260
In a day of unparalleled student apathy,
679
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:23,540
where undergrads either don
care or have simply given up,
680
00:34:23,590 --> 00:34:27,270
this is not the kid we
should be kicking out.
681
00:34:36,580 --> 00:34:38,740
Here's an idea that's
being kicked around.
682
00:34:38,770 --> 00:34:42,850
"The rapid response reserve corps"--
it'll focus on disaster relief.
683
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,910
- This could be exactly what we're--
- no,I already saw that.
684
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,410
It says you have to be retired
military or national guard personnel.
685
00:34:49,450 --> 00:34:51,450
I'm retired military.
686
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,330
- Do we get to shoot people?
- No.
687
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,640
Keep l looking.
688
00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:55,890
Uh,what about the red cross?
689
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:56,880
Hate needles.
690
00:34:56,910 --> 00:34:58,230
Or the peace corps?
691
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,680
Pro-peace.
692
00:34:59,700 --> 00:35:01,680
You know,I can't get over the irony.
693
00:35:01,730 --> 00:35:04,240
A long time ago,I was
with irley schmidt,
694
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,160
and now I'm old enough to
be with her granddaughter.
695
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,320
Oh,my god. You
are,like,too ick for words.
696
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,200
What's going on?
697
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,690
We're researching what
military branch to join.
698
00:35:14,740 --> 00:35:18,380
They want to be one of
the few,the proud,the old.
699
00:35:18,430 --> 00:35:19,760
I got it. I got it.
700
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,410
"United states coast guard auxiliary,"
701
00:35:21,450 --> 00:35:24,450
a volunteer component of
the coast guard,no age limit.
702
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,640
- Guns?
- Probably depth charges,denny.
703
00:35:26,670 --> 00:35:28,230
Let's go.
704
00:35:29,020 --> 00:35:31,680
I get seasick,but whatever.
705
00:35:35,540 --> 00:35:36,790
Wh-where are they off to?
706
00:35:36,810 --> 00:35:39,040
They've gone to join the coast guard.
707
00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:41,060
Happens at a lot of firMs.
708
00:35:41,090 --> 00:35:42,650
Got a second?
709
00:35:52,090 --> 00:35:53,330
okay.
710
00:35:53,370 --> 00:36:00,180
Not withstanding what appears to be a
prostitution theme and the occasional associate...
711
00:36:00,220 --> 00:36:03,760
turning out to be a fugitive
from a foreign country and,
712
00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:07,770
well,name partners dashing
off to join the coast guard...
713
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:12,270
if you look behind most of the
lunacy that goes on in this place,
714
00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:16,480
you'll, more times than
not, find sometng else...
715
00:36:17,190 --> 00:36:23,410
an idea or a question,one that's
worth exploring or debating.
716
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,060
I'm not claiming a
method to all our madness,
717
00:36:26,090 --> 00:36:33,620
but... an idea,carl...
that is something.
718
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,080
I... think I know that.
719
00:36:37,130 --> 00:36:40,100
You think you know that.
720
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,230
Then why...
721
00:36:44,740 --> 00:36:49,580
I... I'm starting to... like it here.
722
00:36:49,870 --> 00:36:52,550
That really scares me.
723
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,930
W-well,what about me?
724
00:36:54,990 --> 00:37:00,700
Given... how much I'm
falling in love with you,
725
00:37:00,740 --> 00:37:05,670
combined with your history of
going through men like tic tacs,
726
00:37:05,810 --> 00:37:08,110
that scares me,too.
727
00:37:10,130 --> 00:37:15,870
Carl,I-I know you've never before
done what I'm about to k you to do,
728
00:37:15,890 --> 00:37:20,520
but can you just go with it?
729
00:37:21,590 --> 00:37:23,840
I don't know.
730
00:37:23,890 --> 00:37:25,840
Can you try?
731
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,370
Yes. I guess... I can try.
732
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,270
okay,so gross.
733
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,350
Uh,the judge just called us back.
734
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:54,240
I certainly believe any school has the right
to expel a student who destroys school property.
735
00:37:54,290 --> 00:37:58,970
But shredding a test,let's ce it,we're
not talking about a lot of vandalism here.
736
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,370
There's a lot more
where these came from.
737
00:38:01,420 --> 00:38:04,940
And the controversy surrounding
the efficacy of these tests is--
738
00:38:04,980 --> 00:38:09,060
oh,my god. I totally
feel it swinging my way.
739
00:38:09,300 --> 00:38:11,200
Can I finish?
740
00:38:11,260 --> 00:38:15,850
Ms. Hoffman,you have my
admiration for caring.
741
00:38:15,890 --> 00:38:20,000
But you also deserve punishment for
how you demonstrated your concern.
742
00:38:20,030 --> 00:38:22,520
I find a suspension is warranted.
743
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,830
An expulsion is not.
744
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,140
and we're adjourned.
745
00:38:26,190 --> 00:38:27,910
Yes! Yes!
746
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,430
Oh,thank you,grammy,so much.
747
00:38:30,470 --> 00:38:32,510
Oh,you're welcome,marlena.
748
00:38:33,180 --> 00:38:35,420
You know,um,I read this study.
749
00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:39,400
People actually get kind of a-a
buzz from being a benefactor,
750
00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:43,890
like it actually makes them want to do
more for the person they just helped.
751
00:38:43,930 --> 00:38:45,540
How weird is that?
752
00:38:45,590 --> 00:38:50,110
Anyway... could I have
an afterschool job?
753
00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:54,430
Wouldn't it just be awesome
to have me around every day?
754
00:38:54,470 --> 00:38:56,340
T-totally.
755
00:38:56,370 --> 00:38:57,970
Let's go.
756
00:39:08,210 --> 00:39:16,340
You know... it's against coast guard
policy to drink while in uniform.
757
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,770
Denny,these aren't real. We
rented them at the costume shop.
758
00:39:19,820 --> 00:39:24,030
Even so,if we don't behave ourselves,we'll
never pass the background check.
759
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:26,120
we'll get in.
760
00:39:26,150 --> 00:39:29,070
You and I were meant
for the coast guard.
761
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,100
Oh,we're gonna be in the military.
762
00:39:32,130 --> 00:39:35,060
Already my penis feels bigger.
763
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,430
You know,you would think with everything going wrong
these days volunteerism would be down in this country,
764
00:39:39,450 --> 00:39:41,280
but it's actually up,way up.
765
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:42,240
Well,of course it is.
766
00:39:42,270 --> 00:39:44,770
That's the beauty of
incompetent government.
767
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,870
people know they have
to fend for themselves.
768
00:39:46,910 --> 00:39:47,990
That was his plan all along.
769
00:39:48,050 --> 00:39:49,620
He hatched it with rove.
770
00:39:49,660 --> 00:39:50,810
That was bush's plan?
771
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:51,580
Damn right.
772
00:39:51,620 --> 00:39:54,080
He's a lot smarter than
people give him credit for.
773
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:58,160
Act like an idiot for eight years,then
people step up and volunteer.
774
00:39:58,210 --> 00:39:59,440
It's brilliant.
775
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:00,780
He didn't need to send us to war.
776
00:40:00,830 --> 00:40:03,670
I was convinced enough with the
way he spoke the english language.
777
00:40:03,730 --> 00:40:05,950
Oh,alan. Alan,alan,alan.
778
00:40:05,980 --> 00:40:08,410
You need to look at the big picture he.
779
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:09,380
Which ?
780
00:40:09,410 --> 00:40:13,510
How do you nuke iran and iraq
without starting a world war?
781
00:40:13,530 --> 00:40:15,860
You claim it was an accident.
782
00:40:15,890 --> 00:40:18,500
who else but george
W. Could pull that off?
783
00:40:18,530 --> 00:40:20,590
- Except maybe me.
- You?
784
00:40:20,620 --> 00:40:23,410
Yeah,I would claim
it was the,uh,mad cow.
785
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,710
Denny,if you were president,seriously,you
would nuke iraq and iran?
786
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:27,850
Before breakfast.
787
00:40:27,870 --> 00:40:29,660
- Then what,north korea?
- Okay.
788
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:30,780
- Pakistan?
- Why not?
789
00:40:30,810 --> 00:40:33,460
- Afghanistan?
- If there's time.
790
00:40:33,700 --> 00:40:35,780
this is the uniform talking.
791
00:40:35,810 --> 00:40:37,420
You wouldn't blow up anybody.
792
00:40:37,470 --> 00:40:38,210
Oh,really?
793
00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:39,200
No. You're all talk.
794
00:40:39,220 --> 00:40:43,710
Under all your bravado,you're
a nice guy with a big heart.
795
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,660
Women love men in uniform.
796
00:40:48,740 --> 00:40:51,140
Imagine being denny
crane and in uniform.
797
00:40:51,170 --> 00:40:53,440
There goes my penis again.
798
00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:58,050
every time I think that
life can't get any better...
799
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,720
we're in the military,we
have an in-house hooker.
800
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:01,590
She's not a hooker.
801
00:41:01,630 --> 00:41:02,770
With a fajita,you say?
802
00:41:02,810 --> 00:41:05,810
Fatwa,and that was made up.
803
00:41:05,850 --> 00:41:08,380
Denny,if they try to fire
lorraine,you need to stand up for her.
804
00:41:08,410 --> 00:41:09,820
She could be in for some trouble.
805
00:41:09,860 --> 00:41:12,110
Well,I'll stand up for her
if she'll lie down for me.
806
00:41:12,140 --> 00:41:14,290
You and I need to consider
the less fortunate.
807
00:41:14,350 --> 00:41:16,750
Look how good life has been to us.
808
00:41:16,780 --> 00:41:19,870
Yeah. So good.
809
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,680
I need a tank.
810
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,800
do you think they'll issue me a tank?
811
00:41:24,850 --> 00:41:27,280
I don't think the coast guard has tanks.
812
00:41:27,310 --> 00:41:29,700
I'd look good in one. Admit it.
813
00:41:29,730 --> 00:41:34,660
Oh,my god. The image of
it-- denny crane in a tank.
814
00:41:37,630 --> 00:41:39,670
over there
815
00:41:39,700 --> 00:41:41,780
over there
816
00:41:41,810 --> 00:41:44,160
send the word,send the word
817
00:41:44,190 --> 00:41:46,180
over there
818
00:41:46,190 --> 00:41:48,620
that the yanks are coming...
819
00:41:48,650 --> 00:41:50,000
that the yanks are coming...