1 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,544 Previously on The Big Bang Theory: 2 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:04,753 My brother... 3 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,506 ...he's got a big crush on Bernadette. 4 00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,883 You're moving back to India? 5 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,600 What's going on? 6 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,771 It's not what it looks like. 7 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,360 What does it look like? 8 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:39,121 It's not what it looks like. 9 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,831 What are you grinding about? 10 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,959 Penny's brain teaser this morning. 11 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,755 She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom. 12 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:51,633 She is disheveled and Raj is dressed only in a sheet. 13 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:56,555 The sole clue: It's not what it looks like. 14 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,349 Tsk, just let it go, Sheldon. 15 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,936 If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't. 16 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,354 Now... 17 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:08,442 ...knowing Penny, the obvious answer is they engaged in coitus. 18 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:14,573 But since that's what it looks like, we can rule that out. 19 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,952 Let's put on our thinking caps, shall we? 20 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,961 Raj is from India, a tropical country, third-world hygiene... 21 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,590 ...parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms. 22 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,384 - Mm-hm. - The procedure for diagnosing pinworms... 23 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,553 ...is to wait until the subject is asleep... 24 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:39,264 ...and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air. 25 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,564 Yes, just like that. 26 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:53,195 Penny could have been inspecting Raj's anal region for parasites. 27 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,865 Oh, boy, that's a true-blue friend. 28 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,035 They slept together, Sherlock. 29 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,830 No, you weren't listening. 30 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:06,250 She said, "it's not what it looks like." 31 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,544 She lied. 32 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,590 Oh. 33 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:18,178 Now don't I look silly sitting here wearing this? 34 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,463 - Hey. - Hey. 35 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:58,677 Hey. 36 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,937 Leonard, is it awkward for you... 37 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:12,024 ...knowing one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse... 38 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,777 ...with a woman you used to love in the very place you lay your head? 39 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,157 No, I'm fine with it. 40 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,202 That sounds like sarcasm. 41 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:26,371 But I'm gonna disregard it because I have an agenda. Paintball. 42 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,958 Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend. 43 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:33,170 Now, in order to function better as a fighting unit... 44 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,839 ...I thought we should establish a chain of command. 45 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:39,259 Now, it goes without saying that I would outrank the three of you. 46 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,221 But the question remains, by how much? 47 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:47,100 Now, I don't see me as some four-star general back at HQ... 48 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:50,354 ...riding a desk and playing golf with the Secretary of Defense. 49 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:54,316 But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper because that might lead you... 50 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:58,487 ...to think of me as a regular Joe. This might take some thought. As you were. 51 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,990 - What the hell is wrong with you? - How could you do that? 52 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,825 - What is it to you? - I got his back. 53 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,786 Yeah, right. You're jealous because... 54 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:09,289 ...I'm Penny's number-two choice after Leonard. 55 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:13,168 Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette, that totally could have been me. 56 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,505 Please. Sheldon would've been before you... 57 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,383 ...and he might not even have genitals. 58 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,052 Why do you care so much? You're dating my sister... 59 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,887 ...and Penny and I are in love. 60 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,222 - What, heh? - What? 61 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:28,433 Gentlemen, if I may interject. 62 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,978 I've decided my rank will be captain. 63 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,647 If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo... 64 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,691 ...it's good enough for me. 65 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,944 - You're not in love with Penny. - Yes, I am. 66 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:43,282 The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love. 67 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:46,034 - Who? - He's the Hindu version of Cupid... 68 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:49,246 ...but way better because he rides a giant parrot. 69 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:53,292 Raj, come on, you fall in love with any girl who smiles at you. 70 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,420 A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiancée. 71 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,631 I'm sorry, what? 72 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,759 Rubbish. He's talking rubbish. 73 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,721 Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet 74 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,475 That could have been about anyone. 75 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:15,105 You have nothing to worry about, because now I'm the dusky half... 76 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,565 ...of Koothrapenny. 77 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,693 For the record, I do have genitals. 78 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,864 They're functional and aesthetically pleasing. 79 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,840 Oh. Coming. 80 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,300 Yup, that's good. 81 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,470 Wine glasses should have handles. 82 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,557 Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. 83 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,436 Smart idea, considering how trampy you get when you've had a few. 84 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,313 You heard what I did? 85 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,232 - Well, I heard who you did. - Ugh. 86 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:04,237 Oh, my God, I screwed up everything. 87 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:08,200 I hurt Leonard, I hurt Raj. I mean, what is wrong with me? 88 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,452 I feel like two totally different people. 89 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,538 Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore. 90 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,750 Don't be so hard on yourself. 91 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,628 - Know the story of Catherine the Great? - No. 92 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:24,424 She ruled Russia in the late 1700s, and one night when she was feeling randy... 93 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:29,304 ...she used an intricate system of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse. 94 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,642 I'm sorry, what does this have to do with me? 95 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,436 She engaged in inter-species hanky-panky... 96 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,271 ...and people still call her great. 97 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,026 I'm sure your reputation can survive you shagging a little Indian boy. 98 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,162 You jerk-face! 99 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:56,998 What did you tell Howard? 100 00:06:57,166 --> 00:07:00,335 You say there's something going on between us? He thinks there is. 101 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,712 He's completely freaking out! 102 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,090 Please, come in. 103 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,926 What the hell is wrong with you? 104 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,971 You were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me. 105 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:14,683 I'm nice to everyone! 106 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:18,854 - I'm sorry. - Damn right, you're sorry. 107 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:22,190 And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us. 108 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,317 I will. Hey, Bernadette. 109 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:27,320 - What? - Do you think I have a shot with Penny? 110 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:32,200 Of course, you do. You're a cutie pie. Any girl would be lucky to have you. 111 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,165 You know, I've done this before. 112 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,460 In kindergarten, I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen... 113 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:46,381 ...but by the time my class got out there, he was engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb. 114 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,217 What did I do? Hung upside down from the monkey bars... 115 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,970 ...let all the boys see my underpants. 116 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,055 You can't blame yourself. 117 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,850 When your pre-frontal cortex fails to make you happy... 118 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,311 ...promiscuity rewards you with dopamine. 119 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:03,732 We neurobiologists refer to this as the skank reflex. 120 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,819 - You know what? Let's get out of here. - Where are we going? 121 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,905 Somewhere where no one's seen me naked. 122 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,782 We may have to drive a while. 123 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,958 Subtlety isn't her strong suit, is it? 124 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,629 Oh, can I stay at your place for a few nights? 125 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:29,382 Really? A best-friend sleepover? Yay. 126 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,053 Yeah, sure. Yay, heh. 127 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:36,515 We'll make popcorn, stay up all night, and I'll teach you my secret language. 128 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,477 - Sounds great. - Nope. Sounds: 129 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,942 - Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag. - No, you're not. You're gonna: 130 00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,497 Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball? 131 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:05,919 Who said that? Leonard, I can hear your voice, but I can't see you. 132 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,922 I'm not in the mood, Sheldon. 133 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,341 Oh, there you are. 134 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:16,012 Leonard, I know you're upset about recent events... 135 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,306 ...and I have someone here to help. 136 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:19,766 I don't wanna talk to Amy. 137 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,477 Yeah... No, it's not Amy. 138 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,813 Hello, dear. 139 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,940 You called my mother? 140 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:30,986 Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious? 141 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,447 He's been like that since he was a toddler. 142 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,575 "Look, Mommy, a butterfly." 143 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,410 Maddening. 144 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,788 What's going on? What do you want? 145 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,292 Sheldon informed me that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval... 146 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:46,668 ...and I'm here to help. 147 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,212 That's so nice. 148 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,506 And we're back to the obvious. 149 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,384 Now, what's up? 150 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,219 Well, uh... 151 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,722 Okay, um... 152 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,267 I don't wanna get back with Penny. 153 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,729 We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work. 154 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:09,149 But I can't deal with the fact that she slept with my friend, Raj. 155 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:12,402 And then I find out that Raj's sister, Priya... 156 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,572 ...who I've been going out with, is moving back to India. 157 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,700 So I'm just completely confused and alone. 158 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,201 I understand. 159 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:23,913 - Got any advice? - Yes. Buck up. 160 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,960 Excuse me, you're a world-renowned expert... 161 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,547 ...in parenting and child development, and all you've got is "buck up"? 162 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,090 Sorry. 163 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,925 Buck up, sissy pants. 164 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,640 - Thanks, Mother, I feel better. - If you need any more help... 165 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,933 ...my books are available on Amazon. 166 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,894 Logging off. 167 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,274 Ninety-nine... 168 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,318 ...100. 169 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:57,155 It's like a waterfall of liquid gold. 170 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,823 My turn. 171 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,540 Don't know what the point of staying in L.A. is. 172 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,585 I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here. 173 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,756 The closest I came was last month. I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial. 174 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:18,802 Oh, I could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids. 175 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,429 I know, right? 176 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:25,100 Ugh, maybe I should just move back to Nebraska. 177 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,186 - No, I can't let you do that. - Why not? 178 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,190 For the first time ever, I have a thriving social life. 179 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,069 And no pressure, but it kind of lives and dies with you. 180 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,532 Hi, Amy, can I talk to Penny? 181 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,951 A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door? 182 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,955 I wish I could tell 13-year-old me it does get better. 183 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:52,168 - How did you know I was here? - It's all over her Facebook page. 184 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:58,633 - I'll take your stuff and clear a drawer. - All right, thanks. 185 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,636 No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay? 186 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,182 So... 187 00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:07,600 Hi, what's up? 188 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,646 Wondering if you're free Friday. They're having '80s night at the Greek. 189 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:15,775 Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves, and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo. 190 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,736 Oh, heh. 191 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:21,573 - That's really sweet, but the thing is... - Oh, there's a thing. 192 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,535 Look, honey, I was really drunk and made a huge mistake last night. 193 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,997 We should have never slept together. It's what ruins friendships. 194 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,291 You can't ruin a friendship with sex. 195 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,044 That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. 196 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,339 Come here. Just... 197 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,258 Listen to me. I... 198 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,677 I wanna go back to the way we were before. 199 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,345 You know, friends. 200 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,347 No sprinkles. 201 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,143 Oh. 202 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,564 - All right. - Thank you. 203 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:57,776 Well, uh... 204 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:03,907 ...as your friend, you might like to know that, um... 205 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:12,040 ...we didn't have sex in the conventional sense. 206 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:21,090 Oh, God, did you pull some weird Indian crap on me? 207 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,552 No, no. 208 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,889 After we got undressed and jumped in bed... 209 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,391 ...you asked if I had protection. 210 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,728 - Oh, you did, didn't you? - Well, of course. I'm always packing. 211 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:38,733 Anyway, um, I had trouble putting it on... 212 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:42,737 ...and you tried to help, and... 213 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,659 That was all she wrote. 214 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:57,377 - So we didn't actually... - I did. It was beautiful. 215 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,841 Oh. 216 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,677 Penny, promise me you won't tell anybody about this. 217 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,012 - Of course, I won't. - Oh, good. 218 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,308 And, uh, can I tell people that our love burned too bright and too quickly? 219 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:15,019 Kind of a Candle in the Wind deal? 220 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,729 - Sure. - Oh, good. 221 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,899 It fell apart because you're all, "I wanna have your babies"... 222 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,902 ...and I was like: "I'm too rock 'n' roll to be tied down"? 223 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,531 No. 224 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,450 Can I say I ruined you for white men? 225 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,289 Also no. 226 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,916 - Okay, just the candle thing. - Yeah. 227 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,294 Cool. 228 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,712 All right. 229 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,630 - Friend. - Hmm. 230 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,675 - I'll see you around. - Okay. 231 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,680 Raj, wait. 232 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,394 Thank you for being my friend. 233 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,814 - Penny. - Mm-hm. 234 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,358 It's getting beautiful again. 235 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:09,449 All right. This is a Google Earth view of the field of battle. 236 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,911 - I don't see anything. - Give it a second to load. 237 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,662 Whenever you're ready, AT&T. 238 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,291 Okay, here we go. This is us, here. 239 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,336 To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department. 240 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,380 According to their Twitter feed, they're out of sunblock... 241 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:28,551 ...which means they'll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. 242 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,181 That's our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge. 243 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,643 The rock-worshipping, pasty-faced bastards won't know what hit them. 244 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,519 Let's move out. 245 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,105 Hang on, Sheldon. 246 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:45,026 How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India? 247 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,654 Maybe he was busy writing clumsy penis metaphors... 248 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,405 ...about my fiancée. 249 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:53,493 Screw you. That was a beautifully-written penis metaphor. 250 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,874 You know what? Guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball. 251 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,126 - What do you say we just bag it? - Fine. 252 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,545 - Sure, whatever. - But you can't quit. 253 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:08,383 That's a court-martial offense. That's punishable by... 254 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,718 You can't quit. 255 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:14,389 I'm sorry, Sheldon, it's just not a good time for playing games. 256 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,641 This is a game to you? 257 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,353 Uh, was the Battle of Antietam a game, huh? 258 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,106 Was the Sack of Rome a game? 259 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,651 Yes, no and no. 260 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,945 Wait. 261 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,865 I just want you all to know that I forgive you. 262 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,451 This mutiny isn't your fault. 263 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,370 It's mine. 264 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:40,456 I haven't earned these bars. 265 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:51,300 Although what I lack in leadership, I more than make up for in sewing. 266 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,888 Let it go, Sheldon. I'll get you a Jamba Juice on the way home. 267 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:59,934 No. Jamba Juice is for heroes. 268 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:05,148 And that's what we're going to be. 269 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,568 What are you doing? 270 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:13,322 Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo. 271 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,838 Geology isn't a real science. 272 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:51,903 - Damn those sons of bitches! - Let's get them! 273 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:02,163 If there's ever a church of Sheldon, this will be when it started. 274 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,291 Ow! 275 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:11,422 I'd like to propose a toast to the man whose noble sacrifice... 276 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,509 ...inspired our victory, Captain Sheldon Cooper. 277 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:18,721 - Cheers! - Excuse me, it's Major Sheldon Cooper. 278 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:24,102 With my last breath, I awarded myself a battlefield promotion. 279 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,395 It's kind of a big deal. 280 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,025 Hi. You guys have a minute? 281 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:37,156 - Uh, yeah, sure. - Okay, um... 282 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:42,078 Well, I already talked to Raj, but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you... 283 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,956 ...for, you know, everything. 284 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,165 Please, Penny, let me. 285 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:51,629 We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together... 286 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,006 ...be just one of those memories you have... 287 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:58,177 ...and can call to mind when you're feeling blue or you're in the shower. 288 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,974 Hey, what you doing, quick draw? 289 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:09,939 Sorry. Go on. 290 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,403 Anyways, I wanted you to know that I've been taking a really hard look at things... 291 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:19,073 ...and come to the conclusion I have to stop kidding myself. 292 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,117 I suck at acting. 293 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,786 It's time for me to move back to Nebraska. 294 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:27,039 - You're leaving? - Yeah. 295 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:29,041 What are you gonna do in Nebraska? 296 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,836 I don't know. Maybe teach acting. 297 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,798 Sorry. Hold on. Hello? 298 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,593 I hope you're not doing this because of you and me... 299 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,387 ...because I have a girlfriend and you're a single... 300 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,890 Shh! It's my agent. It's my agent. You're kidding. 301 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,642 Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it. Really? 302 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,686 Oh, I'm so excited. Thank you. 303 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,564 Thank you so much. Okay, bye. 304 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,734 I got the hemorrhoid commercial. I start Monday. 305 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,612 What about Nebraska? 306 00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,823 Oh, hell with Nebraska. I'm gonna be a star. 307 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,209 Have you ever thought of teaching physics? 308 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,343 Ready to ride? 309 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:22,011 I don't think so, Mom. 310 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,679 Not today. 311 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:24,972 Oh, sweetie. 312 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,308 Hemorrhoids acting up again? 313 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,393 You don't know the half of it. 314 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,604 Oh, yes, I do. 315 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,898 Try a dab of this. 316 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,654 "Rose-scented Preparation-H for women?" 317 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:43,616 Now, the H is for her. 318 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,374 - I'm proud of you. - Shh. Here comes my joke. 319 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,334 How you doing? 320 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,504 Sitting pretty.