1
00:00:00,848 --> 00:00:02,732
Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:05,831
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.
3
00:00:07,271 --> 00:00:10,305
You're moving
back to India?
4
00:00:16,562 --> 00:00:17,896
What's going on?
5
00:00:17,898 --> 00:00:19,347
(laughs)
6
00:00:19,349 --> 00:00:22,234
It's-It's not
what it looks like.
7
00:00:25,355 --> 00:00:27,873
What does it look like?
8
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:33,578
It's not what it looks like.
9
00:00:34,430 --> 00:00:38,417
It's not what it looks like.
10
00:00:38,419 --> 00:00:40,085
What are you grinding about?
11
00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:43,305
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.
12
00:00:43,307 --> 00:00:44,923
She and Koothrappali
13
00:00:44,925 --> 00:00:47,142
emerge from your bedroom.
14
00:00:47,144 --> 00:00:50,679
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.
15
00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:55,901
The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."
16
00:00:55,903 --> 00:00:58,603
Just let it go, Sheldon.
17
00:00:58,605 --> 00:01:02,407
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.
18
00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:04,609
Now, knowing Penny,
19
00:01:04,611 --> 00:01:07,779
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.
20
00:01:07,781 --> 00:01:09,331
But...
21
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:11,066
since that's
what it looked like,
22
00:01:11,068 --> 00:01:14,319
we can rule that out.
23
00:01:14,321 --> 00:01:15,420
Let's put on
24
00:01:15,422 --> 00:01:18,423
our thinking cap, shall we?
25
00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:25,847
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.
26
00:01:25,849 --> 00:01:27,549
Third World hygiene.
27
00:01:27,551 --> 00:01:30,919
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.
28
00:01:30,921 --> 00:01:32,521
Mm-hmm.
The procedure
29
00:01:32,523 --> 00:01:34,272
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait
30
00:01:34,274 --> 00:01:36,141
until the subject is asleep,
31
00:01:36,143 --> 00:01:38,744
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.
32
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:47,069
Yes, just like that.
33
00:01:48,254 --> 00:01:50,038
Penny could have been
34
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,541
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.
35
00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:54,076
Oh, boy.
36
00:01:54,078 --> 00:01:56,128
That's a true blue friend.
37
00:01:56,130 --> 00:02:00,132
They slept together, Sherlock.
38
00:02:00,134 --> 00:02:02,167
No, you weren't listening.
39
00:02:02,169 --> 00:02:05,587
She said
it's not what it looks like.
40
00:02:05,589 --> 00:02:08,006
She lied.
41
00:02:10,877 --> 00:02:13,095
Oh.
44
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:26,024
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:27,726
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:02:27,728 --> 00:02:30,162
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:02:30,164 --> 00:02:32,864
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:35,517
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,452
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:37,454 --> 00:02:39,421
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:39,446 --> 00:02:42,946
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
52
00:02:42,971 --> 00:02:46,471
== sync, corrected by sp8ky ==
53
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:53,800
Hey.
54
00:02:53,802 --> 00:02:54,634
Hey.
55
00:02:54,636 --> 00:02:56,636
Hey.
56
00:02:58,101 --> 00:02:59,538
Hey.
57
00:03:07,215 --> 00:03:09,166
Leonard, is it awkward for you
58
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:12,002
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse
59
00:03:12,004 --> 00:03:13,870
with a woman you used to love
60
00:03:13,872 --> 00:03:16,506
in the very place
you lay your head?
61
00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:21,394
No, I'm fine with it.
62
00:03:21,396 --> 00:03:23,546
That sounds like sarcasm,
63
00:03:23,548 --> 00:03:25,581
but I'm going to disregard it,
64
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:28,301
because I have an agenda--
paintball.
65
00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:29,752
Specifically,
the interdepartmental
66
00:03:29,754 --> 00:03:31,187
tournament this weekend.
67
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:34,256
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,
68
00:03:34,258 --> 00:03:37,092
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.
69
00:03:37,094 --> 00:03:38,561
Now, it goes
without saying
70
00:03:38,563 --> 00:03:40,513
that I would outrank
the three of you,
71
00:03:40,515 --> 00:03:43,483
but the question remains,
by how much?
72
00:03:43,485 --> 00:03:44,734
Now,
73
00:03:44,736 --> 00:03:47,370
I don't see me
as some four-star general,
74
00:03:47,372 --> 00:03:49,288
back at HQ riding a desk
75
00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:51,407
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.
76
00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:53,459
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,
77
00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:54,877
because that might lead you
78
00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,246
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.
79
00:03:57,248 --> 00:03:59,782
This might take some thought.
As you were.
80
00:03:59,784 --> 00:04:01,551
What the hell is wrong with you?
81
00:04:01,553 --> 00:04:03,219
Yeah, how could
you do that?
82
00:04:03,221 --> 00:04:05,755
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.
83
00:04:05,757 --> 00:04:07,623
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out
84
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:09,124
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.
85
00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:12,979
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,
86
00:04:12,981 --> 00:04:14,597
that totally could have been me.
87
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,600
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,
88
00:04:17,602 --> 00:04:20,653
and he might not even
have genitals!
89
00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:22,021
Why do you care so much?
90
00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:23,306
You're dating my sister,
91
00:04:23,308 --> 00:04:25,074
and Penny and I are in love.
92
00:04:25,076 --> 00:04:26,409
BOTH:
What?!
93
00:04:26,411 --> 00:04:29,662
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,
94
00:04:29,664 --> 00:04:31,981
I've decided my rank
will be captain.
95
00:04:31,983 --> 00:04:34,834
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
96
00:04:34,836 --> 00:04:37,003
it's good enough for me.
97
00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:39,238
You're not in love with Penny.
98
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,623
Yes, I am.
99
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:44,544
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.
100
00:04:44,546 --> 00:04:45,678
Who?
101
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,063
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
102
00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:50,516
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.
103
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:54,604
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.
104
00:04:54,606 --> 00:04:57,857
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.
105
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,743
I'm sorry. What?!
106
00:05:00,745 --> 00:05:03,780
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
107
00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:06,982
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."
108
00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:11,671
That could have been
about anyone.
109
00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:13,989
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,
110
00:05:13,991 --> 00:05:17,827
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.
111
00:05:18,629 --> 00:05:20,930
For the record,
I do have genitals.
112
00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:25,084
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.
113
00:05:33,110 --> 00:05:35,261
(groans)
114
00:05:36,063 --> 00:05:38,347
Well.
115
00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:40,566
(knocking)
116
00:05:40,568 --> 00:05:42,935
Oh. Coming.
117
00:05:42,937 --> 00:05:44,437
Yup, that's good.
118
00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:46,789
Wine glasses
should have handles.
119
00:05:48,542 --> 00:05:51,577
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.
120
00:05:51,579 --> 00:05:53,830
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get
121
00:05:53,832 --> 00:05:55,531
when you've had a few.
122
00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:57,316
You heard what I did?
123
00:05:57,318 --> 00:05:59,052
Well, I heard who you did.
124
00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:00,303
(grunts)
125
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:03,005
Oh, my God,
126
00:06:03,007 --> 00:06:04,707
I screwed up everything.
127
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:06,309
I hurt Leonard.
128
00:06:06,311 --> 00:06:07,510
I hurt Raj.
129
00:06:07,512 --> 00:06:09,312
I mean, what is wrong with me?
130
00:06:09,314 --> 00:06:11,380
I feel like
two totally different people--
131
00:06:11,382 --> 00:06:14,600
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
132
00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:16,936
Don't be so hard on yourself.
133
00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:19,772
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?
134
00:06:19,774 --> 00:06:20,740
No.
135
00:06:20,742 --> 00:06:22,057
She ruled Russia
136
00:06:22,059 --> 00:06:23,743
in the late 1700s,
and one night,
137
00:06:23,745 --> 00:06:25,561
when she was feeling
particularly randy,
138
00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:27,413
she used an intricate
system of pulleys
139
00:06:27,415 --> 00:06:30,383
to have intimate
relations with a horse.
140
00:06:30,385 --> 00:06:32,952
I'm... I'm sorry.
141
00:06:32,954 --> 00:06:34,670
What does this have
to do with me?
142
00:06:34,672 --> 00:06:37,707
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,
143
00:06:37,709 --> 00:06:40,259
and people still
call her "Great."
144
00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:41,744
I'm sure your
reputation can survive
145
00:06:41,746 --> 00:06:44,263
you shagging a
little Indian boy.
146
00:06:48,102 --> 00:06:50,103
(knocking)
147
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,637
(sighs)
148
00:06:53,474 --> 00:06:55,391
You jerk face!
149
00:06:56,727 --> 00:06:57,877
What did you tell Howard?!
150
00:06:57,879 --> 00:07:00,146
Did you say there was something
going on between us?
151
00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:01,347
Because he thinks there is!
152
00:07:01,349 --> 00:07:03,816
He's completely freaking out!
153
00:07:03,818 --> 00:07:06,569
Please, come in.
154
00:07:06,571 --> 00:07:08,938
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...
155
00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:12,041
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.
156
00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:15,812
I'm nice to everyone!
157
00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:17,713
I'm sorry.
158
00:07:17,715 --> 00:07:19,665
Damn right, you're sorry!
159
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:23,252
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!
160
00:07:23,254 --> 00:07:26,222
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!
161
00:07:26,224 --> 00:07:28,307
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?
162
00:07:28,309 --> 00:07:30,459
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!
163
00:07:30,461 --> 00:07:33,462
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!
164
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:38,801
You know, I've
done this before.
165
00:07:38,803 --> 00:07:40,319
In kindergarten,
166
00:07:40,321 --> 00:07:42,271
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,
167
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,073
but by the time
my class got out there,
168
00:07:44,075 --> 00:07:46,359
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
169
00:07:47,494 --> 00:07:48,644
So what did I do?
170
00:07:48,646 --> 00:07:50,279
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,
171
00:07:50,281 --> 00:07:53,749
let all the boys see
my underpants.
172
00:07:53,751 --> 00:07:55,034
You can't blame yourself.
173
00:07:55,036 --> 00:07:57,653
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,
174
00:07:57,655 --> 00:08:00,322
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.
175
00:08:00,324 --> 00:08:04,827
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."
176
00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:06,262
You know what?
177
00:08:06,264 --> 00:08:07,847
Let's get out of here.
178
00:08:07,849 --> 00:08:09,131
Where are we going?
179
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:11,000
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.
180
00:08:11,002 --> 00:08:12,852
We may have to
drive awhile.
181
00:08:12,854 --> 00:08:14,720
(clears throat)
182
00:08:20,561 --> 00:08:23,980
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?
183
00:08:23,982 --> 00:08:26,315
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?
184
00:08:26,317 --> 00:08:27,450
Really?
185
00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:30,639
A best friend sleepover? Yay.
186
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:34,040
Yeah, sure. Yay!
187
00:08:34,042 --> 00:08:35,908
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night
188
00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:38,878
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.
189
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,963
- Sounds great.
- Nope.
190
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:43,966
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
191
00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:46,836
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.
192
00:08:46,838 --> 00:08:51,474
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
193
00:08:57,064 --> 00:08:59,515
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap
194
00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,567
to play paintball?
195
00:09:01,569 --> 00:09:02,852
Who said that?
196
00:09:02,854 --> 00:09:05,071
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,
197
00:09:05,073 --> 00:09:07,023
but I can't see you.
198
00:09:07,025 --> 00:09:10,576
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
199
00:09:10,578 --> 00:09:12,445
Oh, there you are!
200
00:09:12,447 --> 00:09:14,396
Leonard,
201
00:09:14,398 --> 00:09:17,750
I know you're upset
about recent events, and
202
00:09:17,752 --> 00:09:19,252
I have someone
here to help.
203
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:20,920
I don't want
to talk to Amy.
204
00:09:20,922 --> 00:09:23,906
No, it's not Amy.
205
00:09:23,908 --> 00:09:25,875
Hello, dear.
206
00:09:25,877 --> 00:09:27,877
You called my mother?
207
00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:29,095
Oh, Leonard,
208
00:09:29,097 --> 00:09:32,048
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?
209
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:35,368
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.
210
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,353
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
211
00:09:37,355 --> 00:09:39,739
Maddening.
212
00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,558
What's going on?
What do you want?
213
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,843
Sheldon informed me
214
00:09:43,845 --> 00:09:46,062
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,
215
00:09:46,064 --> 00:09:47,497
and I'm here to help.
216
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,999
That's so nice.
217
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:52,452
And we're back to the obvious.
218
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,188
Now, what's up?
219
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:58,691
Well, uh... okay.
220
00:09:58,693 --> 00:10:00,743
Um...
221
00:10:00,745 --> 00:10:02,996
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.
222
00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:06,282
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,
223
00:10:06,284 --> 00:10:07,784
but I can't deal with the fact
224
00:10:07,786 --> 00:10:09,869
that she slept
with my friend Raj.
225
00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:12,154
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,
226
00:10:12,156 --> 00:10:14,624
who I've been going out with
for eight months,
227
00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:16,092
is moving back to India.
228
00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:19,495
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.
229
00:10:19,497 --> 00:10:21,014
I understand.
230
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:22,665
Got any advice?
231
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,851
Yes. Buck up.
232
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:27,970
Excuse me.
233
00:10:27,972 --> 00:10:29,555
You're a world-renowned expert
234
00:10:29,557 --> 00:10:31,307
in parenting
and child development,
235
00:10:31,309 --> 00:10:33,342
and all you've got is "Buck up"?
236
00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:35,144
Sorry.
237
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:36,863
Buck up, sissy pants.
238
00:10:38,532 --> 00:10:40,316
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.
239
00:10:40,318 --> 00:10:42,285
If you need any more help
from me,
240
00:10:42,287 --> 00:10:44,704
my books are available
on Amazon.
241
00:10:44,706 --> 00:10:46,906
Logging off.
242
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:56,302
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.
243
00:10:56,303 --> 00:11:00,522
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.
244
00:11:00,524 --> 00:11:01,957
My turn.
245
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:08,881
(sighs) You know,
I don't even know what the point
246
00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:10,316
of me staying in L.A. is.
247
00:11:10,318 --> 00:11:13,069
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.
248
00:11:13,071 --> 00:11:15,020
The closest I came
was last month,
249
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,556
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.
250
00:11:17,558 --> 00:11:21,811
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.
251
00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:24,530
I know, right?
252
00:11:24,532 --> 00:11:25,564
(sighs)
253
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,733
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.
254
00:11:27,735 --> 00:11:29,835
No, I can't let
you do that.
255
00:11:29,837 --> 00:11:30,903
Why not?
256
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:31,904
(knock on door)
257
00:11:31,906 --> 00:11:33,355
For the first
time ever,
258
00:11:33,357 --> 00:11:34,790
I have a thriving
social life.
259
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:35,758
And no pressure,
260
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,011
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.
261
00:11:40,914 --> 00:11:41,914
Hi, Amy.
262
00:11:41,916 --> 00:11:43,132
Can I talk to Penny?
263
00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,551
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?
264
00:11:45,553 --> 00:11:50,055
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."
265
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,974
How did you know I was here?
266
00:11:51,976 --> 00:11:54,259
It's all over her
Facebook page.
267
00:11:57,897 --> 00:11:59,448
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom
268
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,083
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.
269
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:04,003
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?
270
00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:08,907
So, hi.
271
00:12:08,909 --> 00:12:10,009
What's up?
272
00:12:10,011 --> 00:12:12,094
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.
273
00:12:12,096 --> 00:12:14,180
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.
274
00:12:14,182 --> 00:12:16,015
Hall & Oates,
Katrina and the Waves
275
00:12:16,017 --> 00:12:18,184
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
276
00:12:18,186 --> 00:12:20,052
(chuckles):
Oh.
277
00:12:20,054 --> 00:12:22,104
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...
278
00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:24,090
Aw, there's a thing.
279
00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,225
Look, honey, I was really drunk
280
00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:27,944
and made a huge mistake
last night.
281
00:12:27,946 --> 00:12:29,612
We should've never
slept together.
282
00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:31,397
It's what ruins friendships.
283
00:12:31,399 --> 00:12:33,649
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.
284
00:12:33,651 --> 00:12:37,670
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.
285
00:12:39,206 --> 00:12:40,206
Come here.
286
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,541
Just listen to me.
287
00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:45,161
I want to go back
to the way we were before.
288
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:46,829
You know, friends.
289
00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:48,965
No sprinkles.
290
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:53,536
Oh.
291
00:12:53,538 --> 00:12:54,637
All right.
292
00:12:54,639 --> 00:12:57,006
Thank you.
293
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:59,124
(sighs)
294
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:01,093
Well, uh...
(clears throat)
295
00:13:01,095 --> 00:13:05,982
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...
296
00:13:09,736 --> 00:13:14,690
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.
297
00:13:18,128 --> 00:13:20,162
Oh, God.
298
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:23,582
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?
299
00:13:23,584 --> 00:13:26,085
No, no.
300
00:13:27,654 --> 00:13:30,322
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,
301
00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:32,875
you-you asked if
I had protection.
302
00:13:32,877 --> 00:13:34,260
Oh, you did, didn't you?
303
00:13:34,262 --> 00:13:36,178
Of course. I'm
always packing.
304
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,214
Anyway,
305
00:13:38,216 --> 00:13:41,166
um, I had trouble
putting it on
306
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:44,437
and you tried
to help and...
307
00:13:47,891 --> 00:13:50,292
that was all
she wrote.
308
00:13:55,165 --> 00:13:56,982
So, we didn't actually...
309
00:13:56,984 --> 00:13:57,983
I did.
310
00:13:57,985 --> 00:14:00,002
It was beautiful.
311
00:14:04,023 --> 00:14:05,241
Oh!
312
00:14:05,243 --> 00:14:06,692
Penny, please,
please promise me
313
00:14:06,694 --> 00:14:08,160
you won't tell
anybody about this.
314
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:09,695
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.
315
00:14:09,697 --> 00:14:11,664
Oh, good.
(exhales)
316
00:14:11,666 --> 00:14:13,432
Um, can I tell
people that our love
317
00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:14,717
burned too bright
and too quickly?
318
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:17,536
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?
319
00:14:17,538 --> 00:14:18,587
Sure.
320
00:14:18,589 --> 00:14:20,306
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart
321
00:14:20,308 --> 00:14:22,374
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""
322
00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:25,528
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?
323
00:14:27,047 --> 00:14:28,097
No.
324
00:14:28,099 --> 00:14:32,068
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?
325
00:14:33,904 --> 00:14:36,689
Also no.
326
00:14:36,691 --> 00:14:37,907
Okay, just the
candle thing.
327
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:40,058
Yeah.
328
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:41,777
Cool.
329
00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:43,913
All right... friend.
330
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:45,114
Hmm.
331
00:14:45,116 --> 00:14:47,399
I'll see you around.
332
00:14:47,401 --> 00:14:48,284
Okay.
333
00:14:50,737 --> 00:14:52,221
Raj, wait.
334
00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:59,378
Thank you for being my friend.
335
00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:01,246
Penny?
336
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:02,431
Mm-hmm?
337
00:15:02,433 --> 00:15:03,883
It's getting
beautiful again.
338
00:15:07,587 --> 00:15:10,055
All right, this is
a Google Earth view
339
00:15:10,057 --> 00:15:11,941
of the field
of battle.
340
00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:13,192
I don't see anything.
341
00:15:13,194 --> 00:15:15,311
Give it a
second to load.
342
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:17,095
Whenever you're
ready, AT&T!
343
00:15:17,097 --> 00:15:19,949
Okay, here we go.
344
00:15:19,951 --> 00:15:22,535
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis
345
00:15:22,537 --> 00:15:23,903
and the Geology Department.
346
00:15:23,905 --> 00:15:26,739
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,
347
00:15:26,741 --> 00:15:31,160
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.
348
00:15:31,878 --> 00:15:33,129
That's our edge.
349
00:15:33,131 --> 00:15:35,781
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,
350
00:15:35,783 --> 00:15:37,166
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards
351
00:15:37,168 --> 00:15:38,450
won't know what hit them!
352
00:15:38,452 --> 00:15:40,636
All right, let's move out.
353
00:15:41,471 --> 00:15:43,556
Hang on, Sheldon.
354
00:15:43,558 --> 00:15:47,426
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?
355
00:15:47,428 --> 00:15:49,845
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors
356
00:15:49,847 --> 00:15:51,847
about my fiancée.
357
00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:52,982
Screw you.
358
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:56,118
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.
359
00:15:59,156 --> 00:16:02,024
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.
360
00:16:02,026 --> 00:16:03,826
What do you say
we just bag it?
361
00:16:03,828 --> 00:16:05,578
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.
362
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:06,979
You can't quit.
363
00:16:06,981 --> 00:16:08,731
That's a court-
martial offense.
364
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:11,200
That's punishable by...
365
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:13,118
You can't quit.
366
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,839
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.
367
00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:19,157
This is a game to you?
368
00:16:19,159 --> 00:16:22,428
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?
369
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:25,548
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?
370
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:29,167
Yes, no and no.
371
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:30,469
Wait.
372
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:35,274
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.
373
00:16:35,276 --> 00:16:37,893
This mutiny
isn't your fault,
374
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:39,845
it's mine.
375
00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:42,031
I haven't earned these bars.
376
00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:50,406
Although what I lack
in leadership,
377
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:53,826
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.
378
00:16:53,828 --> 00:16:55,861
Let it go, Sheldon.
379
00:16:55,863 --> 00:16:58,214
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.
380
00:16:58,216 --> 00:16:59,215
No.
381
00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:02,551
Jamba Juice is for heroes.
382
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:06,872
And that's what
we're going to be.
383
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,925
What are you doing?
384
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:15,213
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
385
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,271
(people shouting in distance)
386
00:17:27,744 --> 00:17:31,780
Geology isn't a real science!
387
00:17:31,782 --> 00:17:35,117
(paintball guns popping)
388
00:17:45,512 --> 00:17:47,012
(popping ceases)
389
00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:51,884
Damn those sons
of bitches!
390
00:17:51,886 --> 00:17:53,435
Let's get 'em!
391
00:17:53,437 --> 00:17:55,253
Eat paint!
392
00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:57,890
(yelling)
393
00:18:00,426 --> 00:18:02,444
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,
394
00:18:02,446 --> 00:18:05,097
this will be when it started.
395
00:18:05,099 --> 00:18:06,065
(paintball guns popping)
396
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:08,751
Ow!
397
00:18:09,869 --> 00:18:11,603
I'd like to
propose a toast
398
00:18:11,605 --> 00:18:15,207
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,
399
00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:16,959
Captain Sheldon Cooper.
400
00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:18,494
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
401
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:21,330
Excuse me.
It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
402
00:18:21,998 --> 00:18:23,448
With my last breath,
403
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,752
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.
404
00:18:27,354 --> 00:18:28,887
It's kind of a big deal.
405
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:30,673
(knock on door)
406
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:33,642
Hi. You guys have a minute?
407
00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:37,462
Uh, yeah, sure.
408
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,098
Okay.
409
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,733
Um...
(clears throat)
410
00:18:40,735 --> 00:18:43,235
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize
411
00:18:43,237 --> 00:18:44,520
to the rest of you for,
412
00:18:44,522 --> 00:18:47,406
you know, everything.
413
00:18:47,408 --> 00:18:49,074
Please, Penny, let me.
(clears throat)
414
00:18:49,076 --> 00:18:53,862
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together
415
00:18:53,864 --> 00:18:56,582
be just one of those
memories you have
416
00:18:56,584 --> 00:18:58,701
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue
417
00:18:58,703 --> 00:19:00,803
or you're in the shower.
418
00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,840
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?
419
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,214
Sorry. Go on.
420
00:19:12,216 --> 00:19:13,849
(clears throat)
421
00:19:13,851 --> 00:19:16,635
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking
422
00:19:16,637 --> 00:19:19,605
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion
423
00:19:19,607 --> 00:19:21,523
I have to stop kidding myself.
424
00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:23,609
I suck at acting.
425
00:19:23,611 --> 00:19:26,278
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.
426
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,180
You're leaving?
427
00:19:28,182 --> 00:19:29,481
Yeah.
428
00:19:29,483 --> 00:19:31,450
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?
429
00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:34,319
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.
430
00:19:34,321 --> 00:19:35,371
(cell phone ringing)
431
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:37,289
Oh, sorry. Hold on.
432
00:19:37,291 --> 00:19:38,741
Hello?
433
00:19:38,743 --> 00:19:41,526
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,
434
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,862
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...
435
00:19:43,864 --> 00:19:45,030
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.
436
00:19:45,032 --> 00:19:46,331
You're kidding.
437
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:47,299
Oh, my gosh.
438
00:19:47,301 --> 00:19:49,134
I can't believe it!
Really?!
439
00:19:49,136 --> 00:19:50,202
Oh, I'm so excited!
440
00:19:50,204 --> 00:19:51,170
Thank you!
441
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:52,388
Thank you so much.
442
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:53,672
Okay, bye.
443
00:19:53,674 --> 00:19:55,174
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
444
00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:56,358
I start Monday!
445
00:19:58,395 --> 00:20:00,095
What about Nebraska?
446
00:20:00,097 --> 00:20:01,096
Oh, hell with Nebraska.
447
00:20:01,098 --> 00:20:03,232
I'm gonna be a star!
448
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:04,299
(door closes)
449
00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:06,735
== sync, corrected by Sp8ky ==
450
00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:13,859
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?
451
00:20:23,052 --> 00:20:24,836
Ready to ride?
452
00:20:24,837 --> 00:20:26,587
I don't think
so, Mom.
453
00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:28,305
Not today.
454
00:20:28,307 --> 00:20:29,557
Oh, sweetie.
455
00:20:29,559 --> 00:20:31,892
Hemorrhoids acting up again?
456
00:20:31,894 --> 00:20:34,044
You don't know the half of it.
457
00:20:34,046 --> 00:20:36,213
Oh, yes, I do.
458
00:20:36,215 --> 00:20:38,682
Try a dab of this.
459
00:20:40,218 --> 00:20:44,104
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"
460
00:20:44,106 --> 00:20:48,375
Now, the "H" is for "her."
461
00:20:52,164 --> 00:20:53,881
I'm proud of you.
462
00:20:53,883 --> 00:20:54,815
Shh!
463
00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:55,983
Here comes
my joke.
464
00:20:55,985 --> 00:20:57,952
How you doing?
465
00:20:57,954 --> 00:21:01,572
Sittin' pretty.