1
00:00:01,048 --> 00:00:02,932
Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,030 --> 00:00:06,031
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.
3
00:00:07,471 --> 00:00:10,505
You're moving
back to India?
4
00:00:16,762 --> 00:00:18,096
What's going on?
5
00:00:18,098 --> 00:00:19,547
(laughs)
6
00:00:19,549 --> 00:00:22,434
It's-It's not
what it looks like.
7
00:00:25,555 --> 00:00:28,073
What does it look like?
8
00:00:30,076 --> 00:00:33,778
It's not what it looks like.
9
00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:38,617
It's not what it looks like.
10
00:00:38,619 --> 00:00:40,285
What are you grinding about?
11
00:00:40,287 --> 00:00:43,505
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.
12
00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,123
She and Koothrappali
13
00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:47,342
emerge from your bedroom.
14
00:00:47,344 --> 00:00:50,879
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.
15
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:56,101
The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."
16
00:00:56,103 --> 00:00:58,803
Just let it go, Sheldon.
17
00:00:58,805 --> 00:01:02,607
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.
18
00:01:02,609 --> 00:01:04,809
Now, knowing Penny,
19
00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:07,979
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.
20
00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:09,531
But...
21
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,266
since that's
what it looked like,
22
00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:14,519
we can rule that out.
23
00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:15,620
Let's put on
24
00:01:15,622 --> 00:01:18,623
our thinking cap, shall we?
25
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:26,047
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.
26
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:27,749
Third World hygiene.
27
00:01:27,751 --> 00:01:31,119
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.
28
00:01:31,121 --> 00:01:32,721
Mm-hmm.
The procedure
29
00:01:32,723 --> 00:01:34,472
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait
30
00:01:34,474 --> 00:01:36,341
until the subject is asleep,
31
00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:38,944
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.
32
00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:47,269
Yes, just like that.
33
00:01:48,454 --> 00:01:50,238
Penny could have been
34
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,741
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.
35
00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:54,276
Oh, boy.
36
00:01:54,278 --> 00:01:56,328
That's a true blue friend.
37
00:01:56,330 --> 00:02:00,332
They slept together, Sherlock.
38
00:02:00,334 --> 00:02:02,367
No, you weren't listening.
39
00:02:02,369 --> 00:02:05,787
She said
it's not what it looks like.
40
00:02:05,789 --> 00:02:08,206
She lied.
41
00:02:11,077 --> 00:02:13,295
Oh.
44
00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:26,224
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:02:26,226 --> 00:02:27,926
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:02:27,928 --> 00:02:30,362
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:02:30,364 --> 00:02:33,064
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:02:33,066 --> 00:02:35,717
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:35,719 --> 00:02:37,652
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:37,654 --> 00:02:39,621
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:43,146
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
52
00:02:43,171 --> 00:02:46,671
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,000
Hey.
54
00:02:54,002 --> 00:02:54,834
Hey.
55
00:02:54,836 --> 00:02:56,836
Hey.
56
00:02:58,301 --> 00:03:00,770
Hey.
57
00:03:07,415 --> 00:03:09,366
Leonard, is it awkward for you
58
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:12,202
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse
59
00:03:12,204 --> 00:03:14,070
with a woman you used to love
60
00:03:14,072 --> 00:03:16,706
in the very place
you lay your head?
61
00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,894
No, I'm fine with it.
62
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,046
That sounds like sarcasm,
63
00:03:23,048 --> 00:03:25,081
but I'm going to disregard it,
64
00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:27,801
because I have an agenda--
paintball.
65
00:03:27,803 --> 00:03:29,252
Specifically,
the interdepartmental
66
00:03:29,254 --> 00:03:30,687
tournament this weekend.
67
00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:33,756
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,
68
00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:36,592
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.
69
00:03:36,594 --> 00:03:38,061
Now, it goes
without saying
70
00:03:38,063 --> 00:03:40,013
that I would outrank
the three of you,
71
00:03:40,015 --> 00:03:42,983
but the question remains,
by how much?
72
00:03:42,985 --> 00:03:44,234
Now,
73
00:03:44,236 --> 00:03:46,870
I don't see me
as some four-star general,
74
00:03:46,872 --> 00:03:48,788
back at HQ riding a desk
75
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,907
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.
76
00:03:50,909 --> 00:03:52,959
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,
77
00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:54,377
because that might lead you
78
00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:56,746
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.
79
00:03:56,748 --> 00:03:59,282
This might take some thought.
As you were.
80
00:03:59,284 --> 00:04:01,051
What the hell is wrong with you?
81
00:04:01,053 --> 00:04:02,719
Yeah, how could
you do that?
82
00:04:02,721 --> 00:04:05,255
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.
83
00:04:05,257 --> 00:04:07,123
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out
84
00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:08,624
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.
85
00:04:08,626 --> 00:04:12,479
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,
86
00:04:12,481 --> 00:04:14,097
that totally could have been me.
87
00:04:15,016 --> 00:04:17,100
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,
88
00:04:17,102 --> 00:04:20,153
and he might not even
have genitals!
89
00:04:20,155 --> 00:04:21,521
Why do you care so much?
90
00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:22,806
You're dating my sister,
91
00:04:22,808 --> 00:04:24,574
and Penny and I are in love.
92
00:04:24,576 --> 00:04:25,909
BOTH:
What?!
93
00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:29,162
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,
94
00:04:29,164 --> 00:04:31,481
I've decided my rank
will be captain.
95
00:04:31,483 --> 00:04:34,334
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
96
00:04:34,336 --> 00:04:36,503
it's good enough for me.
97
00:04:36,505 --> 00:04:38,738
You're not in love with Penny.
98
00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,123
Yes, I am.
99
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:44,044
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.
100
00:04:44,046 --> 00:04:45,178
Who?
101
00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:46,563
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
102
00:04:46,565 --> 00:04:50,016
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.
103
00:04:50,018 --> 00:04:54,104
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.
104
00:04:54,106 --> 00:04:57,357
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.
105
00:04:58,342 --> 00:05:00,443
I'm sorry. What?!
106
00:05:00,445 --> 00:05:03,480
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
107
00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:06,682
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."
108
00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:11,371
That could have been
about anyone.
109
00:05:12,289 --> 00:05:13,689
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,
110
00:05:13,691 --> 00:05:17,527
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.
111
00:05:18,329 --> 00:05:20,630
For the record,
I do have genitals.
112
00:05:21,865 --> 00:05:24,784
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.
113
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,961
(groans)
114
00:05:35,763 --> 00:05:38,047
Well.
115
00:05:39,216 --> 00:05:40,266
(knocking)
116
00:05:40,268 --> 00:05:42,635
Oh. Coming.
117
00:05:42,637 --> 00:05:44,137
Yup, that's good.
118
00:05:44,139 --> 00:05:46,489
Wine glasses
should have handles.
119
00:05:48,242 --> 00:05:51,277
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.
120
00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,530
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get
121
00:05:53,532 --> 00:05:55,231
when you've had a few.
122
00:05:55,233 --> 00:05:57,016
You heard what I did?
123
00:05:57,018 --> 00:05:58,752
Well, I heard who you did.
124
00:05:58,754 --> 00:06:00,003
(grunts)
125
00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:02,705
Oh, my God,
126
00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:04,407
I screwed up everything.
127
00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,009
I hurt Leonard.
128
00:06:06,011 --> 00:06:07,210
I hurt Raj.
129
00:06:07,212 --> 00:06:09,012
I mean, what is wrong with me?
130
00:06:09,014 --> 00:06:11,080
I feel like
two totally different people--
131
00:06:11,082 --> 00:06:14,300
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
132
00:06:14,302 --> 00:06:16,636
Don't be so hard on yourself.
133
00:06:16,638 --> 00:06:19,472
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?
134
00:06:19,474 --> 00:06:20,440
No.
135
00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:21,757
She ruled Russia
136
00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:23,443
in the late 1700s,
and one night,
137
00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:25,261
when she was feeling
particularly randy,
138
00:06:25,263 --> 00:06:27,113
she used an intricate
system of pulleys
139
00:06:27,115 --> 00:06:30,083
to have intimate
relations with a horse.
140
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:32,652
I'm... I'm sorry.
141
00:06:32,654 --> 00:06:34,370
What does this have
to do with me?
142
00:06:34,372 --> 00:06:37,407
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,
143
00:06:37,409 --> 00:06:39,959
and people still
call her "Great."
144
00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:41,444
I'm sure your
reputation can survive
145
00:06:41,446 --> 00:06:43,963
you shagging a
little Indian boy.
146
00:06:47,802 --> 00:06:49,803
(knocking)
147
00:06:49,805 --> 00:06:51,337
(sighs)
148
00:06:53,174 --> 00:06:55,091
You jerk face!
149
00:06:56,427 --> 00:06:57,577
What did you tell Howard?!
150
00:06:57,579 --> 00:06:59,846
Did you say there was something
going on between us?
151
00:06:59,848 --> 00:07:01,047
Because he thinks there is!
152
00:07:01,049 --> 00:07:03,516
He's completely freaking out!
153
00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:06,269
Please, come in.
154
00:07:06,271 --> 00:07:08,638
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...
155
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,741
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.
156
00:07:11,743 --> 00:07:15,512
I'm nice to everyone!
157
00:07:15,514 --> 00:07:17,413
I'm sorry.
158
00:07:17,415 --> 00:07:19,365
Damn right, you're sorry!
159
00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:22,952
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!
160
00:07:22,954 --> 00:07:25,922
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!
161
00:07:25,924 --> 00:07:28,007
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?
162
00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:30,159
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!
163
00:07:30,161 --> 00:07:33,162
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!
164
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,501
You know, I've
done this before.
165
00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:40,019
In kindergarten,
166
00:07:40,021 --> 00:07:41,971
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,
167
00:07:41,973 --> 00:07:43,773
but by the time
my class got out there,
168
00:07:43,775 --> 00:07:46,059
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
169
00:07:47,194 --> 00:07:48,344
So what did I do?
170
00:07:48,346 --> 00:07:49,979
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,
171
00:07:49,981 --> 00:07:53,449
let all the boys see
my underpants.
172
00:07:53,451 --> 00:07:54,734
You can't blame yourself.
173
00:07:54,736 --> 00:07:57,353
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,
174
00:07:57,355 --> 00:08:00,022
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.
175
00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:04,527
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."
176
00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:05,962
You know what?
177
00:08:05,964 --> 00:08:07,547
Let's get out of here.
178
00:08:07,549 --> 00:08:08,831
Where are we going?
179
00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:10,700
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.
180
00:08:10,702 --> 00:08:12,552
We may have to
drive awhile.
181
00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:14,420
(clears throat)
182
00:08:20,261 --> 00:08:23,680
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?
183
00:08:23,682 --> 00:08:26,015
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?
184
00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:27,150
Really?
185
00:08:27,152 --> 00:08:30,339
A best friend sleepover? Yay.
186
00:08:31,573 --> 00:08:33,740
Yeah, sure. Yay!
187
00:08:33,742 --> 00:08:35,608
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night
188
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:38,578
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.
189
00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:40,663
- Sounds great.
- Nope.
190
00:08:40,665 --> 00:08:43,666
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
191
00:08:43,668 --> 00:08:46,536
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.
192
00:08:46,538 --> 00:08:51,174
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
193
00:08:56,764 --> 00:08:59,215
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap
194
00:08:59,217 --> 00:09:01,267
to play paintball?
195
00:09:01,269 --> 00:09:02,552
Who said that?
196
00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:04,771
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,
197
00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:06,723
but I can't see you.
198
00:09:06,725 --> 00:09:10,276
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
199
00:09:10,278 --> 00:09:12,145
Oh, there you are!
200
00:09:12,147 --> 00:09:14,096
Leonard,
201
00:09:14,098 --> 00:09:17,450
I know you're upset
about recent events, and
202
00:09:17,452 --> 00:09:18,952
I have someone
here to help.
203
00:09:18,954 --> 00:09:20,620
I don't want
to talk to Amy.
204
00:09:20,622 --> 00:09:23,606
No, it's not Amy.
205
00:09:23,608 --> 00:09:25,575
Hello, dear.
206
00:09:25,577 --> 00:09:27,577
You called my mother?
207
00:09:27,579 --> 00:09:28,795
Oh, Leonard,
208
00:09:28,797 --> 00:09:31,748
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?
209
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:35,068
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.
210
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:37,053
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
211
00:09:37,055 --> 00:09:39,439
Maddening.
212
00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,558
What's going on?
What do you want?
213
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,843
Sheldon informed me
214
00:09:43,845 --> 00:09:46,062
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,
215
00:09:46,064 --> 00:09:47,497
and I'm here to help.
216
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:49,999
That's so nice.
217
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:52,452
And we're back to the obvious.
218
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,188
Now, what's up?
219
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:58,691
Well, uh... okay.
220
00:09:58,693 --> 00:10:00,743
Um...
221
00:10:00,745 --> 00:10:02,996
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.
222
00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:06,282
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,
223
00:10:06,284 --> 00:10:07,784
but I can't deal with the fact
224
00:10:07,786 --> 00:10:09,869
that she slept
with my friend Raj.
225
00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:12,154
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,
226
00:10:12,156 --> 00:10:14,624
who I've been going out with
for eight months,
227
00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:16,092
is moving back to India.
228
00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:19,495
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.
229
00:10:19,497 --> 00:10:21,014
I understand.
230
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:22,665
Got any advice?
231
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,851
Yes. Buck up.
232
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:27,970
Excuse me.
233
00:10:27,972 --> 00:10:29,555
You're a world-renowned expert
234
00:10:29,557 --> 00:10:31,307
in parenting
and child development,
235
00:10:31,309 --> 00:10:33,342
and all you've got is "Buck up"?
236
00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:35,144
Sorry.
237
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:36,863
Buck up, sissy pants.
238
00:10:38,532 --> 00:10:40,316
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.
239
00:10:40,318 --> 00:10:42,285
If you need any more help
from me,
240
00:10:42,287 --> 00:10:44,704
my books are available
on Amazon.
241
00:10:44,706 --> 00:10:46,906
Logging off.
242
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:56,302
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.
243
00:10:56,303 --> 00:11:00,522
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.
244
00:11:00,524 --> 00:11:01,957
My turn.
245
00:11:06,863 --> 00:11:09,181
(sighs) You know,
I don't even know what the point
246
00:11:09,183 --> 00:11:10,616
of me staying in L.A. is.
247
00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:13,369
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.
248
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:15,320
The closest I came
was last month,
249
00:11:15,322 --> 00:11:17,856
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.
250
00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:22,111
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.
251
00:11:22,113 --> 00:11:24,830
I know, right?
252
00:11:24,832 --> 00:11:25,864
(sighs)
253
00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:28,033
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.
254
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:30,135
No, I can't let
you do that.
255
00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:31,203
Why not?
256
00:11:31,205 --> 00:11:32,204
(knock on door)
257
00:11:32,206 --> 00:11:33,655
For the first
time ever,
258
00:11:33,657 --> 00:11:35,090
I have a thriving
social life.
259
00:11:35,092 --> 00:11:36,058
And no pressure,
260
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:39,311
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.
261
00:11:41,214 --> 00:11:42,214
Hi, Amy.
262
00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,432
Can I talk to Penny?
263
00:11:43,434 --> 00:11:45,851
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?
264
00:11:45,853 --> 00:11:50,355
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."
265
00:11:50,357 --> 00:11:52,274
How did you know I was here?
266
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,559
It's all over her
Facebook page.
267
00:11:58,397 --> 00:11:59,948
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom
268
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:01,583
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.
269
00:12:01,585 --> 00:12:04,503
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?
270
00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:09,407
So, hi.
271
00:12:09,409 --> 00:12:10,509
What's up?
272
00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:12,594
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.
273
00:12:12,596 --> 00:12:14,680
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.
274
00:12:14,682 --> 00:12:16,515
Hall & Oates,
Katrina and the Waves
275
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:18,684
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
276
00:12:18,686 --> 00:12:20,552
(chuckles):
Oh.
277
00:12:20,554 --> 00:12:22,604
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...
278
00:12:22,606 --> 00:12:24,590
Aw, there's a thing.
279
00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:26,725
Look, honey, I was really drunk
280
00:12:26,727 --> 00:12:28,444
and made a huge mistake
last night.
281
00:12:28,446 --> 00:12:30,112
We should've never
slept together.
282
00:12:30,114 --> 00:12:31,897
It's what ruins friendships.
283
00:12:31,899 --> 00:12:34,149
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.
284
00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:38,170
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.
285
00:12:39,706 --> 00:12:40,706
Come here.
286
00:12:40,708 --> 00:12:43,041
Just listen to me.
287
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:45,661
I want to go back
to the way we were before.
288
00:12:45,663 --> 00:12:47,329
You know, friends.
289
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,465
No sprinkles.
290
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:54,036
Oh.
291
00:12:54,038 --> 00:12:55,137
All right.
292
00:12:55,139 --> 00:12:57,506
Thank you.
293
00:12:57,508 --> 00:12:59,624
(sighs)
294
00:12:59,626 --> 00:13:01,593
Well, uh...
(clears throat)
295
00:13:01,595 --> 00:13:06,482
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...
296
00:13:10,236 --> 00:13:15,190
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.
297
00:13:18,628 --> 00:13:20,662
Oh, God.
298
00:13:20,664 --> 00:13:24,082
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?
299
00:13:24,084 --> 00:13:26,585
No, no.
300
00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:30,822
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,
301
00:13:30,824 --> 00:13:33,375
you-you asked if
I had protection.
302
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,760
Oh, you did, didn't you?
303
00:13:34,762 --> 00:13:36,678
Of course. I'm
always packing.
304
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,714
Anyway,
305
00:13:38,716 --> 00:13:41,666
um, I had trouble
putting it on
306
00:13:41,668 --> 00:13:44,937
and you tried
to help and...
307
00:13:48,391 --> 00:13:50,792
that was all
she wrote.
308
00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,482
So, we didn't actually...
309
00:13:57,484 --> 00:13:58,483
I did.
310
00:13:58,485 --> 00:14:00,502
It was beautiful.
311
00:14:04,523 --> 00:14:05,741
Oh!
312
00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:07,192
Penny, please,
please promise me
313
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:08,660
you won't tell
anybody about this.
314
00:14:08,662 --> 00:14:10,195
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.
315
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,164
Oh, good.
(exhales)
316
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,932
Um, can I tell
people that our love
317
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,217
burned too bright
and too quickly?
318
00:14:15,219 --> 00:14:18,036
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?
319
00:14:18,038 --> 00:14:19,087
Sure.
320
00:14:19,089 --> 00:14:20,806
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart
321
00:14:20,808 --> 00:14:22,874
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""
322
00:14:22,876 --> 00:14:26,028
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?
323
00:14:27,547 --> 00:14:28,597
No.
324
00:14:28,599 --> 00:14:32,568
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?
325
00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:37,189
Also no.
326
00:14:37,191 --> 00:14:38,407
Okay, just the
candle thing.
327
00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:40,558
Yeah.
328
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,277
Cool.
329
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:44,413
All right... friend.
330
00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:45,614
Hmm.
331
00:14:45,616 --> 00:14:47,899
I'll see you around.
332
00:14:47,901 --> 00:14:48,784
Okay.
333
00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:52,721
Raj, wait.
334
00:14:56,742 --> 00:14:59,878
Thank you for being my friend.
335
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,746
Penny?
336
00:15:01,748 --> 00:15:02,931
Mm-hmm?
337
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:04,383
It's getting
beautiful again.
338
00:15:08,087 --> 00:15:10,555
All right, this is
a Google Earth view
339
00:15:10,557 --> 00:15:12,441
of the field
of battle.
340
00:15:12,443 --> 00:15:13,692
I don't see anything.
341
00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:15,811
Give it a
second to load.
342
00:15:15,813 --> 00:15:17,595
Whenever you're
ready, AT&T!
343
00:15:17,597 --> 00:15:20,449
Okay, here we go.
344
00:15:20,451 --> 00:15:23,035
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis
345
00:15:23,037 --> 00:15:24,403
and the Geology Department.
346
00:15:24,405 --> 00:15:27,239
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,
347
00:15:27,241 --> 00:15:31,660
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.
348
00:15:32,378 --> 00:15:33,629
That's our edge.
349
00:15:33,631 --> 00:15:36,281
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,
350
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,666
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards
351
00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:38,950
won't know what hit them!
352
00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:41,136
All right, let's move out.
353
00:15:41,971 --> 00:15:44,056
Hang on, Sheldon.
354
00:15:44,058 --> 00:15:47,926
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?
355
00:15:47,928 --> 00:15:50,345
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors
356
00:15:50,347 --> 00:15:52,347
about my fiancée.
357
00:15:52,349 --> 00:15:53,482
Screw you.
358
00:15:53,484 --> 00:15:56,618
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.
359
00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:02,524
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.
360
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:04,326
What do you say
we just bag it?
361
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:06,078
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.
362
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,479
You can't quit.
363
00:16:07,481 --> 00:16:09,231
That's a court-
martial offense.
364
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:11,700
That's punishable by...
365
00:16:11,702 --> 00:16:13,618
You can't quit.
366
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:17,339
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.
367
00:16:17,341 --> 00:16:19,657
This is a game to you?
368
00:16:19,659 --> 00:16:22,928
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?
369
00:16:22,930 --> 00:16:26,048
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?
370
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:29,667
Yes, no and no.
371
00:16:29,669 --> 00:16:30,969
Wait.
372
00:16:32,055 --> 00:16:35,774
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.
373
00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:38,393
This mutiny
isn't your fault,
374
00:16:38,395 --> 00:16:40,345
it's mine.
375
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,531
I haven't earned these bars.
376
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:50,906
Although what I lack
in leadership,
377
00:16:50,908 --> 00:16:54,326
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.
378
00:16:54,328 --> 00:16:56,361
Let it go, Sheldon.
379
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,714
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.
380
00:16:58,716 --> 00:16:59,715
No.
381
00:16:59,717 --> 00:17:03,051
Jamba Juice is for heroes.
382
00:17:05,088 --> 00:17:07,372
And that's what
we're going to be.
383
00:17:09,092 --> 00:17:10,425
What are you doing?
384
00:17:10,427 --> 00:17:15,713
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
385
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:22,771
(people shouting in distance)
386
00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:32,280
Geology isn't a real science!
387
00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:35,617
(paintball guns popping)
388
00:17:46,012 --> 00:17:47,512
(popping ceases)
389
00:17:48,914 --> 00:17:52,384
Damn those sons
of bitches!
390
00:17:52,386 --> 00:17:53,935
Let's get 'em!
391
00:17:53,937 --> 00:17:55,753
Eat paint!
392
00:17:55,755 --> 00:17:58,390
(yelling)
393
00:18:00,926 --> 00:18:02,944
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,
394
00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:05,597
this will be when it started.
395
00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:06,565
(paintball guns popping)
396
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:09,251
Ow!
397
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:12,103
I'd like to
propose a toast
398
00:18:12,105 --> 00:18:15,707
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,
399
00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:17,459
Captain Sheldon Cooper.
400
00:18:17,461 --> 00:18:18,994
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
401
00:18:18,996 --> 00:18:21,830
Excuse me.
It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
402
00:18:22,498 --> 00:18:23,948
With my last breath,
403
00:18:23,950 --> 00:18:27,252
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.
404
00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:29,387
It's kind of a big deal.
405
00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:31,173
(knock on door)
406
00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:34,142
Hi. You guys have a minute?
407
00:18:35,728 --> 00:18:37,962
Uh, yeah, sure.
408
00:18:37,964 --> 00:18:39,598
Okay.
409
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,233
Um...
(clears throat)
410
00:18:41,235 --> 00:18:43,735
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize
411
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,020
to the rest of you for,
412
00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:47,906
you know, everything.
413
00:18:47,908 --> 00:18:49,574
Please, Penny, let me.
(clears throat)
414
00:18:49,576 --> 00:18:54,362
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together
415
00:18:54,364 --> 00:18:57,082
be just one of those
memories you have
416
00:18:57,084 --> 00:18:59,201
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue
417
00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:01,303
or you're in the shower.
418
00:19:03,155 --> 00:19:05,340
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?
419
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:12,714
Sorry. Go on.
420
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,349
(clears throat)
421
00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:17,135
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking
422
00:19:17,137 --> 00:19:20,105
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion
423
00:19:20,107 --> 00:19:22,023
I have to stop kidding myself.
424
00:19:22,025 --> 00:19:24,109
I suck at acting.
425
00:19:24,111 --> 00:19:26,778
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.
426
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,680
You're leaving?
427
00:19:28,682 --> 00:19:29,981
Yeah.
428
00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:31,950
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?
429
00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:34,819
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.
430
00:19:34,821 --> 00:19:35,871
(cell phone ringing)
431
00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:37,789
Oh, sorry. Hold on.
432
00:19:37,791 --> 00:19:39,241
Hello?
433
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:42,026
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,
434
00:19:42,028 --> 00:19:44,362
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...
435
00:19:44,364 --> 00:19:45,530
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.
436
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:46,831
You're kidding.
437
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:47,799
Oh, my gosh.
438
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:49,634
I can't believe it!
Really?!
439
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:50,702
Oh, I'm so excited!
440
00:19:50,704 --> 00:19:51,670
Thank you!
441
00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:52,888
Thank you so much.
442
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:54,172
Okay, bye.
443
00:19:54,174 --> 00:19:55,674
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
444
00:19:55,676 --> 00:19:56,858
I start Monday!
445
00:19:58,895 --> 00:20:00,595
What about Nebraska?
446
00:20:00,597 --> 00:20:01,596
Oh, hell with Nebraska.
447
00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:03,732
I'm gonna be a star!
448
00:20:03,734 --> 00:20:04,799
(door closes)
449
00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,235
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
450
00:20:11,909 --> 00:20:14,359
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?
451
00:20:23,252 --> 00:20:25,036
Ready to ride?
452
00:20:25,037 --> 00:20:26,787
I don't think
so, Mom.
453
00:20:26,789 --> 00:20:28,505
Not today.
454
00:20:28,507 --> 00:20:29,757
Oh, sweetie.
455
00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:32,092
Hemorrhoids acting up again?
456
00:20:32,094 --> 00:20:34,244
You don't know the half of it.
457
00:20:34,246 --> 00:20:36,413
Oh, yes, I do.
458
00:20:36,415 --> 00:20:38,882
Try a dab of this.
459
00:20:40,418 --> 00:20:44,304
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"
460
00:20:44,306 --> 00:20:48,575
Now, the "H" is for "her."
461
00:20:52,364 --> 00:20:54,081
I'm proud of you.
462
00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:55,015
Shh!
463
00:20:55,017 --> 00:20:56,183
Here comes
my joke.
464
00:20:56,185 --> 00:20:58,152
How you doing?
465
00:20:58,154 --> 00:21:01,772
Sittin' pretty.
466
00:21:02,154 --> 00:27:01,772
== ReSync by jacobian ==
== for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org ==