1
00:00:04,456 --> 00:00:05,475
What are you doing?
2
00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:08,010
Oh, uh, Priya's calling
in a few minutes on Skype,
3
00:00:08,011 --> 00:00:10,178
and we are gonna have
a dinner date.
4
00:00:12,014 --> 00:00:14,482
It's 8:00 in the morning
in Mumbai.
5
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:16,634
How can she have dinner?
6
00:00:16,636 --> 00:00:17,685
Fine, whatever.
7
00:00:17,687 --> 00:00:19,070
Priya will be having breakfast.
8
00:00:19,072 --> 00:00:22,306
All right, so technically
it's not a dinner date.
9
00:00:22,308 --> 00:00:25,826
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.
10
00:00:25,828 --> 00:00:27,912
But if you did,
you'd open yourself
11
00:00:27,914 --> 00:00:29,647
to peer-based mocking, such as,
12
00:00:29,649 --> 00:00:33,201
"Hey, Leonard, how was your
dinfast with Priya last night?"
13
00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:35,119
That doesn't sound like mocking.
14
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,038
You didn't let me finish.
15
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,090
Dinfast.
16
00:00:39,092 --> 00:00:41,158
Are those soy-based candles?
17
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,710
I don't know. Why?
18
00:00:42,712 --> 00:00:45,630
Paraffin candles
may contain carcinogens.
19
00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:47,998
Unless lung cancer
is the ambiance
20
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,468
you were going for
at your dinfast.
21
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,803
Dinfast.
22
00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:55,389
Listen, I don't
want to be rude,
23
00:00:55,391 --> 00:00:57,275
but Priya's gonna be
calling any minute, so...
24
00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:59,143
Oh, yes, Priya.
25
00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:03,147
Leonard, you know
I make a point of
26
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:06,033
never interfering
in your personal affairs.
27
00:01:08,353 --> 00:01:11,105
Yes, I've always
admired that about you.
28
00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:12,540
As well you should.
29
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,825
But I'm going to make
an exception here.
30
00:01:14,827 --> 00:01:16,494
Oh, good.
31
00:01:16,496 --> 00:01:20,815
Priya has moved back to India
to pursue her law career.
32
00:01:20,817 --> 00:01:22,533
Instead of
desperately trying
33
00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:26,654
to keep this intercontinental
relationship alive,
34
00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:30,708
you could use that time
to take up a hobby.
35
00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:33,060
A hobby?
36
00:01:33,062 --> 00:01:34,395
Yes.
37
00:01:34,397 --> 00:01:37,648
I read recently
about a fellow in Kansas
38
00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:40,234
with an enormous
ball of twine.
39
00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:45,122
I bet you could give him
a run for his money.
40
00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:48,326
You know, some people
might say that it's great
41
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:50,561
that we're trying to make
things work long distance.
44
00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:59,620
When I rise to power,
those people will be sterilized.
45
00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:02,740
You video-chat with
Amy all the time.
46
00:02:02,742 --> 00:02:04,125
How is this different?
47
00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:05,626
Don't you like Amy?
48
00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:07,411
Of course I like Amy.
49
00:02:07,413 --> 00:02:08,713
Well, there's the difference.
50
00:02:10,749 --> 00:02:11,915
(Skype ringtone playing)
51
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,251
Excuse me,
that's Priya.
52
00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:15,436
Hi, Leonard.
53
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:16,437
Hey, honey.
54
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:17,638
I miss you.
55
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:18,839
Oh, I miss you, too.
56
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:21,175
I miss the old days
when your romantic partners
57
00:02:21,177 --> 00:02:23,227
could be returned
to the video store.
58
00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:28,399
Thanks for
letting me stay here
59
00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:30,434
while Leonard
Skypes with his girlfriend.
60
00:02:30,436 --> 00:02:32,069
Oh, it's no problem.
61
00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,788
It's actually kind of nice.
62
00:02:33,790 --> 00:02:35,439
You reading, me reading.
63
00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:38,108
We're like an old
married couple.
64
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,411
If we were
an old married couple,
65
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:44,065
the wife would serve
iced tea and snickerdoodles.
66
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:48,002
I don't have iced tea
and snickerdoodles.
67
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:52,256
A good wife
would go to the store.
68
00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:55,643
I want a divorce.
69
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,645
Good. On the way
to see the lawyer,
70
00:02:57,647 --> 00:02:59,513
pick up some tea and cookies.
71
00:03:00,349 --> 00:03:03,584
(both chuckle)
72
00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:07,271
I must say,
I am enjoying your new chair.
73
00:03:07,273 --> 00:03:08,639
It's great,
isn't it?
74
00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:09,640
It is.
75
00:03:09,642 --> 00:03:10,941
Aligns the lumbar,
76
00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:14,362
cradles the coccyx,
balances the buttocks.
77
00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:16,781
This is a chair
worthy of the name.
78
00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:17,865
What name?
79
00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:21,185
Chair.
80
00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:24,705
Oh, all right, well,
I'm glad you like it.
81
00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:26,507
I mean, I still can't
get over the fact
82
00:03:26,509 --> 00:03:27,875
someone just
threw it away.
83
00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:31,379
What?
84
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:32,830
Yeah, it was just
sitting on the street.
85
00:03:32,832 --> 00:03:35,015
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks
to help me get it up here.
86
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:36,717
(groans)
87
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:40,688
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
88
00:03:40,690 --> 00:03:42,523
What is wrong?
89
00:03:42,525 --> 00:03:45,008
I've been sitting in garbage!
90
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:47,545
Sheldon, take it easy.
91
00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:50,364
You take it easy! I need
to use your shower.
92
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:55,453
I went into this marriage
with so much hope.
93
00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:59,507
There's a wet Band-Aid
on the shower floor!
94
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:07,081
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
95
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:10,434
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
96
00:04:10,436 --> 00:04:12,052
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
97
00:04:12,054 --> 00:04:14,588
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
98
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:17,258
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
99
00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:19,927
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
100
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:21,846
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
101
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:22,759
♪ Bang! ♪
102
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,660
The Big Bang Theory 5x02
The Infestation Hypothesis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
103
00:04:25,661 --> 00:04:28,561
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
104
00:04:28,576 --> 00:04:29,707
This is fun.
105
00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:32,909
I've never used a hydraulic
thermoforming press before.
106
00:04:32,911 --> 00:04:34,244
Pretty sweet, huh?
107
00:04:34,246 --> 00:04:38,133
This little baby set
the university back 175 grand.
108
00:04:38,134 --> 00:04:39,183
That's three minutes.
109
00:04:39,185 --> 00:04:40,568
Should we see what we got?
110
00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:41,586
Hang on.
111
00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:42,393
(machine hissing)
112
00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:48,490
Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:48,492 --> 00:04:51,677
This is one good-looking panini.
114
00:04:53,132 --> 00:04:54,265
Hand me the tuna melt.
115
00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:55,283
Yep.
116
00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:58,453
Thank you.
117
00:04:58,455 --> 00:04:59,737
(machine hissing)
118
00:04:59,739 --> 00:05:03,074
How's it going with
the long-distance love affair?
119
00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:04,876
Not easy, but we're
making it work.
120
00:05:04,878 --> 00:05:07,495
(machine hisses loudly)
121
00:05:07,497 --> 00:05:10,131
When you say "making it work,"
does that include
122
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,717
doing the cyber nasty?
123
00:05:12,719 --> 00:05:13,835
What?
124
00:05:13,837 --> 00:05:16,421
You know,
the virtual pickle tickle.
125
00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:20,675
The digital...
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow. ♪
126
00:05:20,677 --> 00:05:22,594
Come on, dude.
127
00:05:22,596 --> 00:05:24,345
This is my sister
you're talking about.
128
00:05:24,347 --> 00:05:26,648
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk
at her through a webcam
129
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:28,966
has got to be easier
for you to deal with
130
00:05:28,968 --> 00:05:31,019
than him actually
touching her with it.
131
00:05:32,304 --> 00:05:33,821
There's no junk jiggling.
132
00:05:33,823 --> 00:05:35,139
We just talk.
133
00:05:35,141 --> 00:05:36,991
Are you insane?
134
00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:39,277
With high-speed Internet,
you have at your fingertips
135
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,029
the greatest advancement
in the field of sex
136
00:05:41,031 --> 00:05:44,015
since the invention
of the washcloth.
137
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:46,868
I can't do that.
138
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:48,703
(chuckles)
Well, if you don't,
139
00:05:48,705 --> 00:05:52,206
you're gonna lose Priya
to some fancy guy in a turban
140
00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:55,126
who grew up with
Kama Sutra coloring books.
141
00:05:55,128 --> 00:05:57,495
How can you
be so racist?
142
00:05:57,497 --> 00:05:59,714
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.
143
00:06:00,549 --> 00:06:01,716
Oh, Leonard, good.
144
00:06:01,718 --> 00:06:02,850
There you are.
145
00:06:02,852 --> 00:06:05,853
I need you to check my head
for chair lice.
146
00:06:05,855 --> 00:06:09,674
I did it last night,
I'm not doing it again.
147
00:06:09,676 --> 00:06:12,393
Just his head, right?
148
00:06:12,395 --> 00:06:15,863
I don't want
to talk about it.
149
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:19,567
You didn't catch bugs
from Penny's chair.
150
00:06:19,569 --> 00:06:20,985
Yes, I did.
151
00:06:20,987 --> 00:06:23,321
And now they're cavorting
at the base of my hair follicles
152
00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:26,858
like dancing hippies
at the Redwood National Forest.
153
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:30,194
Sheldon, you do this
all the time.
154
00:06:30,196 --> 00:06:32,330
You fixate on some crazy idea
155
00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:34,132
and then blow it
way out of proportion.
156
00:06:34,134 --> 00:06:36,334
Name one time
I've ever done that.
157
00:06:39,305 --> 00:06:41,889
How about when you put
GPS trackers in your garbage
158
00:06:41,891 --> 00:06:43,808
because you were convinced
North Korean spies
159
00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:45,777
were stealing your doodles?
160
00:06:46,845 --> 00:06:50,081
The chicken nuggets you were
sure were human nuggets.
161
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:52,266
The strangely-shaped cloud
162
00:06:52,268 --> 00:06:54,936
that was following you
around town.
163
00:06:56,388 --> 00:06:58,356
The time you put on
my shirt by mistake
164
00:06:58,358 --> 00:07:01,159
and were convinced
you'd started growing again.
165
00:07:01,161 --> 00:07:03,161
I said, "Name one."
166
00:07:03,163 --> 00:07:05,530
You really need to work on
your listening skills.
167
00:07:09,451 --> 00:07:11,235
Penny.
168
00:07:11,237 --> 00:07:13,087
Penny. Penny.
169
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:15,590
Yello.
170
00:07:15,592 --> 00:07:17,759
You need to remove that
chair from the building.
171
00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:19,427
It's a health hazard.
172
00:07:19,429 --> 00:07:21,262
Okay, relax.
I took off the slipcovers,
173
00:07:21,264 --> 00:07:23,264
had them dry-cleaned and then
fumigated the cushions.
174
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:24,832
Really?
175
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,267
Yeah. It's cleaner
than my couch.
176
00:07:26,269 --> 00:07:28,936
Found half a Hot Pocket
in there.
177
00:07:35,093 --> 00:07:37,245
It certainly looks okay.
178
00:07:39,031 --> 00:07:41,232
Has a strong toxic
chemical smell.
179
00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:42,900
That's reassuring.
180
00:07:42,902 --> 00:07:45,820
Why don't you give
it a try, Sheldon?
181
00:07:48,106 --> 00:07:49,657
All right.
182
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,881
(sighs softly)
183
00:07:56,883 --> 00:07:59,100
It is a comfortable chair.
184
00:07:59,102 --> 00:08:02,253
Why don't you just admit
you overreacted?
185
00:08:02,255 --> 00:08:04,172
No, thank you.
186
00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:14,015
(insects chittering)
187
00:08:18,303 --> 00:08:19,687
(gasps)
188
00:08:21,490 --> 00:08:23,775
(door slams)
189
00:08:23,777 --> 00:08:27,462
It's like living with
a Chihuahua.
190
00:08:29,314 --> 00:08:30,981
Penny.
191
00:08:30,983 --> 00:08:33,501
Penny. Penny.
192
00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:35,753
What's up, buttercup?
193
00:08:35,755 --> 00:08:37,839
You have to get rid
of the chair.
194
00:08:37,841 --> 00:08:39,357
Nope.
195
00:08:42,294 --> 00:08:43,511
Penny.
196
00:08:43,513 --> 00:08:45,046
Penny. Penny.
197
00:08:45,048 --> 00:08:47,765
What's the word, hummingbird?
198
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:51,936
For your safety,
please wait in my apartment
199
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:54,522
as I call the authorities
so they may remove
200
00:08:54,524 --> 00:08:56,524
the chair of death.
201
00:08:56,526 --> 00:08:59,193
No.
202
00:09:01,029 --> 00:09:02,230
Penny!
203
00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:04,014
Penny! Penny!
204
00:09:04,016 --> 00:09:07,568
What's the gist, physicist?
205
00:09:09,354 --> 00:09:13,357
Under my authority
as a self-appointed member
206
00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:15,710
of the Centers for
Disease Control street team...
207
00:09:17,028 --> 00:09:18,913
...these premises are condemned.
208
00:09:19,998 --> 00:09:20,965
(stutters)
209
00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:26,036
As a man with a keen
sense of style,
210
00:09:26,038 --> 00:09:30,007
I must tell you, that chair
does not work with the room.
211
00:09:33,512 --> 00:09:34,595
Penny!
212
00:09:34,597 --> 00:09:35,847
Penny!
213
00:09:35,849 --> 00:09:38,032
(screams)
214
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:42,553
Penny.
215
00:09:46,634 --> 00:09:48,446
So, here we are.
216
00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:49,813
Back in bed together.
217
00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:52,900
Yep, here we are.
218
00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:55,869
(clears throat)
219
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:59,106
Okay, so I-I guess
I'll just jump right in.
220
00:09:59,108 --> 00:10:00,407
All right.
221
00:10:02,243 --> 00:10:06,463
Uh, you're a naughty girl.
222
00:10:07,599 --> 00:10:12,770
And-And, uh, I-I want
to punish you with my love?
223
00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:16,924
What?
224
00:10:16,926 --> 00:10:18,575
Not good?
225
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,477
That's terrible. Try again.
226
00:10:20,479 --> 00:10:21,478
Okay.
227
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:25,265
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.
228
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:28,235
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.
229
00:10:28,237 --> 00:10:30,637
You're...
230
00:10:30,639 --> 00:10:33,807
You're a-a dirty girl?
231
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:35,659
Oh, yes.
232
00:10:35,661 --> 00:10:37,161
Yes, I am.
233
00:10:37,163 --> 00:10:38,162
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.
234
00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:40,864
You're a, you're a...
235
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:43,584
You're a-a dirty...
236
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:46,153
disgusting...
237
00:10:46,155 --> 00:10:48,422
revolting girl.
238
00:10:48,424 --> 00:10:51,375
Ugh!
239
00:10:51,377 --> 00:10:54,077
God, Leonard, stop talking.
240
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:56,213
Why don't you just give me
five minutes?
241
00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:59,299
I'll Google how to do this.
I'll call you right back.
242
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:02,336
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet
and do what I tell you.
243
00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:04,888
Okay, like usual. Good.
244
00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,857
Take off your shirt.
245
00:11:06,859 --> 00:11:10,227
All rightie. Shirt coming off.
246
00:11:12,814 --> 00:11:16,283
Ta-da! Man nipples. (chuckles)
247
00:11:16,285 --> 00:11:17,684
I said be quiet.
248
00:11:17,686 --> 00:11:19,736
Yes, ma'am.
249
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:22,355
Now take off your shorts.
250
00:11:22,357 --> 00:11:25,742
Taking shorts off.
251
00:11:27,162 --> 00:11:28,862
There we go.
252
00:11:28,864 --> 00:11:31,748
Naked, naked, naked!
253
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,250
Wonderful.
254
00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:35,169
Now I'll take off my clothes.
255
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:37,855
Cool.
256
00:11:43,211 --> 00:11:45,095
Uh-oh!
257
00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,565
Here I am, baby.
258
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:50,667
You miss these?
259
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,502
Oh, damn it!
260
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,171
Oh, Leonard! Already?
261
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,406
No, no! No-no-no!
262
00:11:59,694 --> 00:12:01,828
The screen froze.
263
00:12:01,830 --> 00:12:03,914
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.
264
00:12:03,916 --> 00:12:05,349
Fine.
265
00:12:11,956 --> 00:12:15,926
So, how are your mom and dad?
266
00:12:15,928 --> 00:12:18,545
Yeah, I really don't want to
talk about my parents now.
267
00:12:18,547 --> 00:12:20,413
Yeah. Sure, sure.
268
00:12:21,849 --> 00:12:23,250
SHELDON:
If your video's frozen,
269
00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:27,437
try resetting
the TCP/IP stack.
270
00:12:27,439 --> 00:12:28,805
Oh...!
271
00:12:30,024 --> 00:12:32,059
I didn't even think of that.
Thanks.
272
00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:34,061
You're welcome.
Please let me know when
273
00:12:34,063 --> 00:12:35,612
you and your girlfriend
are done
274
00:12:35,614 --> 00:12:37,614
hogging the bandwidth
for your self-abuse.
275
00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:41,818
I'm trying to stream
a movie on Netflix in here.
276
00:12:43,037 --> 00:12:44,755
Five, six, seven, eight.
277
00:12:44,757 --> 00:12:47,941
♪ Tall and tan and young
and lovely ♪
278
00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:51,545
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪
279
00:12:51,547 --> 00:12:55,465
♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes... ♪
280
00:12:55,467 --> 00:12:58,352
SHELDON (knocking):
Amy? Amy? Amy?
281
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,804
♪ Oh... ♪
282
00:13:07,145 --> 00:13:09,896
You are aware that your
ritualistic knocking behavior is
283
00:13:09,898 --> 00:13:11,498
symptomatic of obsessive/
compulsive disorder?
284
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,967
Is not.
285
00:13:13,969 --> 00:13:15,569
Is not, is not.
286
00:13:16,637 --> 00:13:19,022
Denial. Denial, denial.
Come in.
287
00:13:19,024 --> 00:13:20,907
Thank you.
288
00:13:20,909 --> 00:13:22,492
Would you like to hear me play
289
00:13:22,494 --> 00:13:24,328
a bossa nova standard
on the harp?
290
00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:26,196
No.
291
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:27,531
How about the theme song
292
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,649
to the classic television show
Diff'rent Strokes?
293
00:13:29,651 --> 00:13:31,752
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat... ♪
294
00:13:31,754 --> 00:13:33,086
No.
295
00:13:34,822 --> 00:13:37,841
Well, that's every song
I know. What's up?
296
00:13:37,843 --> 00:13:40,677
You're good friends with Penny,
right?
297
00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,663
Best friends, besties, BFFs,
peas in a pod,
298
00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:46,600
sisters who would share
traveling pants. Go on.
299
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,501
I was hoping
300
00:13:48,503 --> 00:13:52,105
she might listen to you
about the dangers
301
00:13:52,107 --> 00:13:54,741
of owning unhygienic
furniture.
302
00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:57,944
For general educational
purposes, or has she acquired
303
00:13:57,946 --> 00:13:59,846
a bar stool dipped in cholera?
304
00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:03,700
Cholera is water-borne.
You're mocking me.
305
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:06,036
Yes, I am.
306
00:14:06,038 --> 00:14:08,755
Penny has dragged a chair in
off the street
307
00:14:08,757 --> 00:14:11,191
whose unknown provenance
jeopardizes
308
00:14:11,193 --> 00:14:12,192
the health and welfare
309
00:14:12,194 --> 00:14:14,044
of every resident in
our building.
310
00:14:14,046 --> 00:14:17,197
Sheldon, just because you have
a focus on cleanliness
311
00:14:17,199 --> 00:14:18,215
bordering on the psychotic
312
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:20,384
doesn't mean
I have to participate.
313
00:14:20,386 --> 00:14:23,954
All right, name your price.
314
00:14:25,807 --> 00:14:29,626
Kiss me where I've never
been kissed before.
315
00:14:29,628 --> 00:14:34,531
You mean like Salt Lake City?
316
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,401
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.
317
00:14:37,403 --> 00:14:38,802
Thank you.
318
00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:41,021
Will you listen to me
play my harp now?
319
00:14:41,023 --> 00:14:43,607
No. I dislike the sound
of the harp.
320
00:14:43,609 --> 00:14:46,626
Its overuse in classic
television sitcoms
321
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:47,828
always makes me think
322
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:50,831
I'm going to experience
an episode from my past.
323
00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,032
(plays glissando)
324
00:14:52,034 --> 00:14:53,733
I'm sorry, Mommy.
Don't be mad at me.
325
00:14:53,735 --> 00:14:55,469
Don't do that!
326
00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:00,674
I don't know about this, Howard.
327
00:15:00,676 --> 00:15:02,392
What? You're having
trouble
328
00:15:02,394 --> 00:15:04,094
with the long-distance
lovemaking.
329
00:15:04,096 --> 00:15:06,129
This is your answer.
330
00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:07,381
There are two
interfaces
331
00:15:07,383 --> 00:15:08,715
that simulate
a human mouth.
332
00:15:08,717 --> 00:15:11,435
You have one,
Priya has one in India.
333
00:15:11,437 --> 00:15:13,103
When you move your lips
and tongue on yours,
334
00:15:13,105 --> 00:15:15,806
it transmits exactly
what you're doing to hers.
335
00:15:15,808 --> 00:15:18,091
See? Internet kissing.
336
00:15:25,599 --> 00:15:27,150
Give it a try.
337
00:15:27,152 --> 00:15:29,870
I don't think so.
338
00:15:30,488 --> 00:15:32,539
I'll try it.
339
00:15:37,278 --> 00:15:38,945
Like this?
340
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:41,948
Almost. Really get
your tongue in there.
341
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,783
to activate the motion sensor.
342
00:15:43,785 --> 00:15:46,837
Like this?
343
00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:49,256
Close. Really French it.
344
00:15:57,732 --> 00:15:58,815
Better?
345
00:15:58,817 --> 00:16:01,518
Yeah, you got it, you got it.
346
00:16:03,304 --> 00:16:06,639
I'm impressed.
This is very lifelike.
347
00:16:06,641 --> 00:16:09,693
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
348
00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:12,362
I-I nibbled.
I was being playful.
349
00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:16,950
Why do you have to make
everything weird?
350
00:16:16,952 --> 00:16:18,201
Sorry.
351
00:16:22,206 --> 00:16:24,157
Better?
352
00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,709
Oh, yeah.
353
00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,800
Pretty cool, huh?
354
00:16:33,802 --> 00:16:36,836
Probably would cost, like,
200 bucks in a store.
355
00:16:36,838 --> 00:16:38,305
I do appreciate
a bargain.
356
00:16:38,307 --> 00:16:41,942
This entire ensemble once
belonged to my dead grandmother.
357
00:16:41,944 --> 00:16:42,893
You're kidding.
358
00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:45,111
Everything except bra
and panties.
359
00:16:45,113 --> 00:16:49,399
And they're a leopard-spotted
secret I share with Victoria.
360
00:16:49,401 --> 00:16:52,152
And now me.
361
00:16:52,154 --> 00:16:55,855
I just have one question
about the chair.
362
00:16:55,857 --> 00:16:57,240
And what's that?
363
00:16:57,242 --> 00:17:00,494
Aren't you worried about it
being unhygienic?
364
00:17:02,046 --> 00:17:04,697
No, it's completely fine...
365
00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:08,451
Hmm. I get it.
366
00:17:08,453 --> 00:17:09,503
Sheldon sent you.
367
00:17:09,505 --> 00:17:10,720
He put you up to this.
368
00:17:10,722 --> 00:17:12,005
- No, he didn't.
- Really?
369
00:17:12,007 --> 00:17:14,975
Yes, he did.
He absolutely did.
370
00:17:14,977 --> 00:17:18,528
My God, Amy, that's really
crappy of you.
371
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:19,879
It is?
372
00:17:19,881 --> 00:17:22,482
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you
to manipulate me?
373
00:17:22,484 --> 00:17:23,883
I thought you were my friend.
374
00:17:23,885 --> 00:17:26,570
No, I am your friend.
Please don't be mad at me.
375
00:17:26,572 --> 00:17:27,571
I can't even believe this.
376
00:17:27,573 --> 00:17:29,222
You know, maybe you
should just go.
377
00:17:29,224 --> 00:17:32,046
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I take it all back! Look!
378
00:17:32,047 --> 00:17:33,756
I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your
chair.
379
00:17:33,757 --> 00:17:35,162
There's nothing wrong
with it. It's a great chair.
380
00:17:35,163 --> 00:17:38,231
Please let me continue
to be part of your world.
381
00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:39,899
Ow!
382
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:41,268
What's wrong?
383
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,620
Something in the chair's
biting my tushy.
384
00:17:43,622 --> 00:17:44,904
It's not important. Ow!
385
00:17:44,906 --> 00:17:46,756
Wait. Get up, get up!
386
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:57,250
(both screaming)
387
00:17:57,252 --> 00:17:59,586
Swear you won't tell
Sheldon what happened!
388
00:17:59,588 --> 00:18:01,021
I swear!
389
00:18:01,023 --> 00:18:04,757
(screaming)
390
00:18:04,759 --> 00:18:07,093
Can I tell my doctor?
I'm probably gonna need shots!
391
00:18:07,095 --> 00:18:08,945
Yeah, sure!
392
00:18:08,947 --> 00:18:11,514
(screaming continues)
393
00:18:14,568 --> 00:18:17,065
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured
this thing out.
394
00:18:17,066 --> 00:18:18,432
Oh, Leonard, listen...
395
00:18:18,434 --> 00:18:20,284
No, you listen!
You're my woman,
396
00:18:20,286 --> 00:18:21,819
and I'm gonna
make you feel things
397
00:18:21,821 --> 00:18:23,955
you have never felt before.
398
00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:25,740
Leonard...
399
00:18:25,742 --> 00:18:27,074
That's right, say my name...
400
00:18:27,076 --> 00:18:28,793
and beg me for more, 'cause...
401
00:18:28,795 --> 00:18:32,179
I'm gonna give it to you.
402
00:18:33,832 --> 00:18:35,633
My parents are here.
403
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:41,138
Hello, Leonard...
404
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,842
if I may also
say your name.
405
00:18:49,631 --> 00:18:51,816
Check it out.
Free chair.
406
00:18:51,818 --> 00:18:53,267
Yeah.
407
00:18:53,269 --> 00:18:55,736
Hey, you know, if this was in
Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,
408
00:18:55,738 --> 00:18:58,472
I wouldn't wind up sitting on
the floor all the time.
409
00:18:58,474 --> 00:19:00,992
On three?
410
00:19:02,194 --> 00:19:03,277
(chuckles)
411
00:19:03,279 --> 00:19:05,446
Three!
Three!
412
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:09,333
What kind of idiot throws away
a terrific chair like this?
413
00:19:09,335 --> 00:19:13,335
== sync, corrected by elderman ==