1
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:06,475
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,476 --> 00:00:09,010
Oh, uh, Priya's calling
in a few minutes on Skype,
3
00:00:09,011 --> 00:00:11,178
and we are gonna have
a dinner date.
4
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:15,482
It's 8:00 in the morning
in Mumbai.
5
00:00:15,484 --> 00:00:17,634
How can she have dinner?
6
00:00:17,636 --> 00:00:18,685
Fine, whatever.
7
00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,070
Priya will be having breakfast.
8
00:00:20,072 --> 00:00:23,306
All right, so technically
it's not a dinner date.
9
00:00:23,308 --> 00:00:26,826
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.
10
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:28,912
But if you did,
you'd open yourself
11
00:00:28,914 --> 00:00:30,647
to peer-based mocking, such as,
12
00:00:30,649 --> 00:00:34,201
"Hey, Leonard, how was your
dinfast with Priya last night?"
13
00:00:34,203 --> 00:00:36,119
That doesn't sound like mocking.
14
00:00:36,121 --> 00:00:38,038
You didn't let me finish.
15
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,090
Dinfast.
16
00:00:40,092 --> 00:00:42,158
Are those soy-based candles?
17
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,710
I don't know. Why?
18
00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:46,630
Paraffin candles
may contain carcinogens.
19
00:00:46,632 --> 00:00:48,998
Unless lung cancer
is the ambiance
20
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,468
you were going for
at your dinfast.
21
00:00:52,169 --> 00:00:53,803
Dinfast.
22
00:00:54,605 --> 00:00:56,389
Listen, I don't
want to be rude,
23
00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:58,275
but Priya's gonna be
calling any minute, so...
24
00:00:58,277 --> 00:01:00,143
Oh, yes, Priya.
25
00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:04,147
Leonard, you know
I make a point of
26
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:07,033
never interfering
in your personal affairs.
27
00:01:09,353 --> 00:01:12,105
Yes, I've always
admired that about you.
28
00:01:12,107 --> 00:01:13,540
As well you should.
29
00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:15,825
But I'm going to make
an exception here.
30
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:17,494
Oh, good.
31
00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:21,815
Priya has moved back to India
to pursue her law career.
32
00:01:21,817 --> 00:01:23,533
Instead of
desperately trying
33
00:01:23,535 --> 00:01:27,654
to keep this intercontinental
relationship alive,
34
00:01:27,656 --> 00:01:31,708
you could use that time
to take up a hobby.
35
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:34,060
A hobby?
36
00:01:34,062 --> 00:01:35,395
Yes.
37
00:01:35,397 --> 00:01:38,648
I read recently
about a fellow in Kansas
38
00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:41,234
with an enormous
ball of twine.
39
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:46,122
I bet you could give him
a run for his money.
40
00:01:46,124 --> 00:01:49,326
You know, some people
might say that it's great
41
00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:51,561
that we're trying to make
things work long distance.
44
00:01:55,867 --> 00:02:00,620
When I rise to power,
those people will be sterilized.
45
00:02:00,622 --> 00:02:03,740
You video-chat with
Amy all the time.
46
00:02:03,742 --> 00:02:05,125
How is this different?
47
00:02:05,127 --> 00:02:06,626
Don't you like Amy?
48
00:02:06,628 --> 00:02:08,411
Of course I like Amy.
49
00:02:08,413 --> 00:02:09,713
Well, there's the difference.
50
00:02:11,749 --> 00:02:12,915
(Skype ringtone playing)
51
00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:15,251
Excuse me,
that's Priya.
52
00:02:15,253 --> 00:02:16,436
Hi, Leonard.
53
00:02:16,438 --> 00:02:17,437
Hey, honey.
54
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:18,638
I miss you.
55
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:19,839
Oh, I miss you, too.
56
00:02:19,841 --> 00:02:22,175
I miss the old days
when your romantic partners
57
00:02:22,177 --> 00:02:24,227
could be returned
to the video store.
58
00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:29,399
Thanks for
letting me stay here
59
00:02:29,401 --> 00:02:31,434
while Leonard
Skypes with his girlfriend.
60
00:02:31,436 --> 00:02:33,069
Oh, it's no problem.
61
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:34,788
It's actually kind of nice.
62
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:36,439
You reading, me reading.
63
00:02:36,441 --> 00:02:39,108
We're like an old
married couple.
64
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:41,411
If we were
an old married couple,
65
00:02:41,413 --> 00:02:45,065
the wife would serve
iced tea and snickerdoodles.
66
00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:49,002
I don't have iced tea
and snickerdoodles.
67
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:53,256
A good wife
would go to the store.
68
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,643
I want a divorce.
69
00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:58,645
Good. On the way
to see the lawyer,
70
00:02:58,647 --> 00:03:00,513
pick up some tea and cookies.
71
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:04,584
(both chuckle)
72
00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:08,271
I must say,
I am enjoying your new chair.
73
00:03:08,273 --> 00:03:09,639
It's great,
isn't it?
74
00:03:09,641 --> 00:03:10,640
It is.
75
00:03:10,642 --> 00:03:11,941
Aligns the lumbar,
76
00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:15,362
cradles the coccyx,
balances the buttocks.
77
00:03:15,364 --> 00:03:17,781
This is a chair
worthy of the name.
78
00:03:17,783 --> 00:03:18,865
What name?
79
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,185
Chair.
80
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,705
Oh, all right, well,
I'm glad you like it.
81
00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:27,507
I mean, I still can't
get over the fact
82
00:03:27,509 --> 00:03:28,875
someone just
threw it away.
83
00:03:30,728 --> 00:03:32,379
What?
84
00:03:32,381 --> 00:03:33,830
Yeah, it was just
sitting on the street.
85
00:03:33,832 --> 00:03:36,015
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks
to help me get it up here.
86
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,717
(groans)
87
00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:41,688
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
88
00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,523
What is wrong?
89
00:03:43,525 --> 00:03:46,008
I've been sitting in garbage!
90
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:48,545
Sheldon, take it easy.
91
00:03:48,547 --> 00:03:51,364
You take it easy! I need
to use your shower.
92
00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:56,453
I went into this marriage
with so much hope.
93
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,507
There's a wet Band-Aid
on the shower floor!
94
00:04:04,462 --> 00:04:08,081
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
95
00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:11,434
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
96
00:04:11,436 --> 00:04:13,052
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
97
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:15,588
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
98
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:18,258
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
99
00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:20,927
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
100
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,846
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
101
00:04:22,848 --> 00:04:23,759
♪ Bang! ♪
102
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,660
The Big Bang Theory 5x02
The Infestation Hypothesis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
103
00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:29,561
== sync, corrected by sp8ky ==
104
00:04:31,107 --> 00:04:32,239
This is fun.
105
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,441
I've never used a hydraulic
thermoforming press before.
106
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,776
Pretty sweet, huh?
107
00:04:36,778 --> 00:04:40,665
This little baby set
the university back 175 grand.
108
00:04:40,666 --> 00:04:41,715
That's three minutes.
109
00:04:41,717 --> 00:04:43,100
Should we see what we got?
110
00:04:43,102 --> 00:04:44,118
Hang on.
111
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:44,925
(machine hissing)
112
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,022
Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,209
This is one good-looking panini.
114
00:04:55,664 --> 00:04:56,797
Hand me the tuna melt.
115
00:04:56,799 --> 00:04:57,815
Yep.
116
00:04:57,817 --> 00:05:00,985
Thank you.
117
00:05:00,987 --> 00:05:02,269
(machine hissing)
118
00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:05,606
How's it going with
the long-distance love affair?
119
00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:07,408
Not easy, but we're
making it work.
120
00:05:07,410 --> 00:05:10,027
(machine hisses loudly)
121
00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:12,663
When you say "making it work,"
does that include
122
00:05:12,665 --> 00:05:15,249
doing the cyber nasty?
123
00:05:15,251 --> 00:05:16,367
What?
124
00:05:16,369 --> 00:05:18,953
You know,
the virtual pickle tickle.
125
00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:23,207
The digital...
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow. ♪
126
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:25,126
Come on, dude.
127
00:05:25,128 --> 00:05:26,877
This is my sister
you're talking about.
128
00:05:26,879 --> 00:05:29,180
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk
at her through a webcam
129
00:05:29,182 --> 00:05:31,498
has got to be easier
for you to deal with
130
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,551
than him actually
touching her with it.
131
00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:36,653
There's no junk jiggling.
132
00:05:36,655 --> 00:05:37,971
We just talk.
133
00:05:37,973 --> 00:05:39,823
Are you sane?
134
00:05:39,825 --> 00:05:42,109
With high-speed Internet,
you have at your fingertips
135
00:05:42,111 --> 00:05:43,861
the greatest advancement
in the field of sex
136
00:05:43,863 --> 00:05:46,847
since the invention
of the washcloth.
137
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,700
I can't do that.
138
00:05:49,702 --> 00:05:51,535
(chuckles)
Well, if you don't,
139
00:05:51,537 --> 00:05:55,038
you're gonna lose Priya
to some fancy guy in a turban
140
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,958
who grew up with
Kama Sutra coloring books.
141
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,327
How can you
be so racist?
142
00:06:00,329 --> 00:06:02,546
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.
143
00:06:03,381 --> 00:06:04,548
Oh, Leonard, good.
144
00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:05,682
There you are.
145
00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:08,685
I need you to check my head
for chair lice.
146
00:06:08,687 --> 00:06:12,506
I did it last night,
I'm not doing it again.
147
00:06:12,508 --> 00:06:15,225
Just his head, right?
148
00:06:15,227 --> 00:06:18,695
I don't want
to talk about it.
149
00:06:20,115 --> 00:06:22,399
You didn't catch bugs
from Penny's chair.
150
00:06:22,401 --> 00:06:23,817
Yes, I did.
151
00:06:23,819 --> 00:06:26,153
And now they're cavorting
at the base of my hair follicles
152
00:06:26,155 --> 00:06:29,690
like dancing hippies
at the Redwood National Forest.
153
00:06:29,692 --> 00:06:33,026
Sheldon, you do this
all the time.
154
00:06:33,028 --> 00:06:35,162
You fixate on some crazy idea
155
00:06:35,164 --> 00:06:36,964
and then blow it
way out of proportion.
156
00:06:36,966 --> 00:06:39,166
Name one time
I've ever done that.
157
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:44,721
How about when you put
GPS trackers in your garbage
158
00:06:44,723 --> 00:06:46,640
because you were convinced
North Korean spies
159
00:06:46,642 --> 00:06:48,609
were stealing your doodles?
160
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:52,913
The chicken nuggets you were
sure were human nuggets.
161
00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:55,098
The strangely-shaped cloud
162
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,768
that was following you
around town.
163
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:01,188
The time you put on
my shirt by mistake
164
00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,991
and were convinced
you'd started growing again.
165
00:07:03,993 --> 00:07:05,993
I said, "Name one."
166
00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:08,362
You really need to work on
your listening skills.
167
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,067
Penny.
168
00:07:14,069 --> 00:07:15,919
Penny. Penny.
169
00:07:15,921 --> 00:07:18,422
Yello.
170
00:07:18,424 --> 00:07:20,591
You need to remove that
chair from the building.
171
00:07:20,593 --> 00:07:22,259
It's a health hazard.
172
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,094
Okay, relax.
I took off the slipcovers,
173
00:07:24,096 --> 00:07:26,096
had them dry-cleaned and then
fumigated the cushions.
174
00:07:26,098 --> 00:07:27,664
Really?
175
00:07:27,666 --> 00:07:29,099
Yeah. It's cleaner
than my couch.
176
00:07:29,101 --> 00:07:31,768
Found half a Hot Pocket
in there.
177
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,877
It certainly looks okay.
178
00:07:41,663 --> 00:07:43,864
Has a strong toxic
chemical smell.
179
00:07:43,866 --> 00:07:45,532
That's reassuring.
180
00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:48,452
Why don't you give
it a try, Sheldon?
181
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,289
All right.
182
00:07:57,712 --> 00:07:59,513
(sighs softly)
183
00:07:59,515 --> 00:08:01,732
It is a comfortable chair.
184
00:08:01,734 --> 00:08:04,885
Why don't you just admit
you overreacted?
185
00:08:04,887 --> 00:08:06,804
No, thank you.
186
00:08:13,445 --> 00:08:16,647
(insects chittering)
187
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,319
(gasps)
188
00:08:24,122 --> 00:08:26,407
(door slams)
189
00:08:26,409 --> 00:08:30,094
It's like living with
a Chihuahua.
190
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,613
Penny.
191
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:36,133
Penny. Penny.
192
00:08:36,135 --> 00:08:38,385
What's up, buttercup?
193
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,471
You have to get rid
of the chair.
194
00:08:40,473 --> 00:08:41,989
Nope.
195
00:08:44,926 --> 00:08:46,143
Penny.
196
00:08:46,145 --> 00:08:47,678
Penny. Penny.
197
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,397
What's the word, hummingbird?
198
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:54,568
For your safety,
please wait in my apartment
199
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:57,154
as I call the authorities
so they may remove
200
00:08:57,156 --> 00:08:59,156
the chair of death.
201
00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:01,825
No.
202
00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:04,862
Penny!
203
00:09:04,864 --> 00:09:06,646
Penny! Penny!
204
00:09:06,648 --> 00:09:10,200
What's the gist, physicist?
205
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:15,989
Under my authority
as a self-appointed member
206
00:09:15,991 --> 00:09:18,342
of the Centers for
Disease Control street team...
207
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,545
...these premises are condemned.
208
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:23,597
(stutters)
209
00:09:23,599 --> 00:09:28,668
As a man with a keen
sense of style,
210
00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:32,639
I must tell you, that chair
does not work with the room.
211
00:09:36,144 --> 00:09:37,227
Penny!
212
00:09:37,229 --> 00:09:38,479
Penny!
213
00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:40,664
(screams)
214
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,185
Penny.
215
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,702
So, here we are.
216
00:09:52,703 --> 00:09:54,069
Back in bed together.
217
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:57,156
Yep, here we are.
218
00:09:59,025 --> 00:10:00,125
(clears throat)
219
00:10:00,127 --> 00:10:03,362
Okay, so I-I guess
I'll just jump right in.
220
00:10:03,364 --> 00:10:04,663
All right.
221
00:10:06,499 --> 00:10:10,719
Uh, you're a naughty girl.
222
00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:17,026
And-And, uh, I-I want
to punish you with my love?
223
00:10:19,346 --> 00:10:21,180
What?
224
00:10:21,182 --> 00:10:22,831
Not good?
225
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:24,733
That's terrible. Try again.
226
00:10:24,735 --> 00:10:25,734
Okay.
227
00:10:25,736 --> 00:10:29,521
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.
228
00:10:29,523 --> 00:10:32,491
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.
229
00:10:32,493 --> 00:10:34,893
You're...
230
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:38,063
You're a-a dirty girl?
231
00:10:38,065 --> 00:10:39,915
Oh, yes.
232
00:10:39,917 --> 00:10:41,417
Yes, I am.
233
00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:42,418
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.
234
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:45,120
You're a, you're a...
235
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:47,840
You're a-a dirty...
236
00:10:47,842 --> 00:10:50,409
disgusting...
237
00:10:50,411 --> 00:10:52,678
revolting girl.
238
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:55,631
Ugh!
239
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:58,333
God, Leonard, stop talking.
240
00:10:58,335 --> 00:11:00,469
Why don't you just give me
five minutes?
241
00:11:00,471 --> 00:11:03,555
I'll Google how to do this.
I'll call you right back.
242
00:11:03,557 --> 00:11:06,592
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet
and do what I tell you.
243
00:11:06,594 --> 00:11:09,144
Okay, like usual. Good.
244
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:11,113
Take off your shirt.
245
00:11:11,115 --> 00:11:14,483
All rightie. Shirt coming off.
246
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:20,539
Ta-da! Man nipples. (chuckles)
247
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:21,940
I said be quiet.
248
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,992
Yes, ma'am.
249
00:11:23,994 --> 00:11:26,611
Now take off your shorts.
250
00:11:26,613 --> 00:11:29,998
Taking shorts off.
251
00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:33,418
There we go.
252
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:36,304
Naked, naked, naked!
253
00:11:36,306 --> 00:11:37,806
Wonderful.
254
00:11:37,808 --> 00:11:39,725
Now I'll take off my clothes.
255
00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:42,411
Cool.
256
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:49,651
Uh-oh!
257
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:53,121
Here I am, baby.
258
00:11:53,123 --> 00:11:55,223
You miss these?
259
00:11:55,225 --> 00:11:57,058
Oh, damn it!
260
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,727
Oh, Leonard! Already?
261
00:11:58,729 --> 00:12:00,962
No, no! No-no-no!
262
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,384
The screen froze.
263
00:12:06,386 --> 00:12:08,470
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.
264
00:12:08,472 --> 00:12:09,905
Fine.
265
00:12:16,512 --> 00:12:20,482
So, how are your mom and dad?
266
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:23,101
Yeah, I really don't want to
talk about my parents now.
267
00:12:23,103 --> 00:12:24,969
Yeah. Sure, sure.
268
00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:27,806
SHELDON:
If your video's frozen,
269
00:12:27,808 --> 00:12:31,993
try resetting
the TCP/IP stack.
270
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:33,361
Oh...!
271
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,615
I didn't even think of that.
Thanks.
272
00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:38,617
You're welcome.
Please let me know when
273
00:12:38,619 --> 00:12:40,168
you and your girlfriend
are done
274
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,170
hogging the bandwidth
for your self-abuse.
275
00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:46,374
I'm trying to stream
a movie on Netflix in here.
276
00:12:47,593 --> 00:12:49,311
Five, six, seven, eight.
277
00:12:49,313 --> 00:12:52,497
♪ Tall and tan and young
and lovely ♪
278
00:12:52,499 --> 00:12:56,101
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪
279
00:12:56,103 --> 00:13:00,021
♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes... ♪
280
00:13:00,023 --> 00:13:02,908
SHELDON (knocking):
Amy? Amy? Amy?
281
00:13:03,676 --> 00:13:05,360
♪ Oh... ♪
282
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:14,452
You are aware that your
ritualistic knocking behavior is
283
00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:16,054
symptomatic of obsessive/
compulsive disorder?
284
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,523
Is not.
285
00:13:18,525 --> 00:13:20,125
Is not, is not.
286
00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:23,578
Denial. Denial, denial.
Come in.
287
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,463
Thank you.
288
00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:27,048
Would you like to hear me play
289
00:13:27,050 --> 00:13:28,884
a bossa nova standard
on the harp?
290
00:13:28,886 --> 00:13:30,752
No.
291
00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:32,087
How about the theme song
292
00:13:32,089 --> 00:13:34,205
to the classic television show
Diff'rent Strokes?
293
00:13:34,207 --> 00:13:36,308
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat... ♪
294
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,642
No.
295
00:13:39,878 --> 00:13:42,897
Well, that's every song
I know. What's up?
296
00:13:42,899 --> 00:13:45,733
You're good friends with Penny,
right?
297
00:13:45,735 --> 00:13:48,719
Best friends, besties, BFFs,
peas in a pod,
298
00:13:48,721 --> 00:13:51,656
sisters who would share
traveling pants. Go on.
299
00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:53,557
I was hoping
300
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:57,161
she might listen to you
about the dangers
301
00:13:57,163 --> 00:13:59,797
of owning unhygienic
furniture.
302
00:13:59,799 --> 00:14:03,000
For general educational
purposes, or has she acquired
303
00:14:03,002 --> 00:14:04,902
a bar stool dipped in cholera?
304
00:14:04,904 --> 00:14:08,756
Cholera is water-borne.
You're mocking me.
305
00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:11,092
Yes, I am.
306
00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:13,811
Penny has dragged a chair in
off the street
307
00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:16,247
whose unknown provenance
jeopardizes
308
00:14:16,249 --> 00:14:17,248
the health and welfare
309
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,100
of every resident in
our building.
310
00:14:19,102 --> 00:14:22,253
Sheldon, just because you have
a focus on cleanliness
311
00:14:22,255 --> 00:14:23,271
bordering on the psychotic
312
00:14:23,273 --> 00:14:25,440
doesn't mean
I have to participate.
313
00:14:25,442 --> 00:14:29,010
All right, name your price.
314
00:14:30,863 --> 00:14:34,682
Kiss me where I've never
been kissed before.
315
00:14:34,684 --> 00:14:39,587
You mean like Salt Lake City?
316
00:14:40,256 --> 00:14:42,157
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.
317
00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:43,558
Thank you.
318
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,777
Will you listen to me
play my harp now?
319
00:14:45,779 --> 00:14:48,363
No. I dislike the sound
of the harp.
320
00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:51,382
Its overuse in classic
television sitcoms
321
00:14:51,384 --> 00:14:52,584
always makes me think
322
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:55,587
I'm going to experience
an episode from my past.
323
00:14:55,589 --> 00:14:56,788
(plays glissando)
324
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:58,489
I'm sorry, Mommy.
Don't be mad at me.
325
00:14:58,491 --> 00:15:00,225
Don't do that!
326
00:15:03,929 --> 00:15:05,430
I don't know about this, Howard.
327
00:15:05,432 --> 00:15:07,148
What? You're having
trouble
328
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,850
with the long-distance
lovemaking.
329
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:10,885
This is your answer.
330
00:15:10,887 --> 00:15:12,137
There are two
interfaces
331
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:13,471
that simulate
a human mouth.
332
00:15:13,473 --> 00:15:16,191
You have one,
Priya has one in India.
333
00:15:16,193 --> 00:15:17,859
When you move your lips
and tongue on yours,
334
00:15:17,861 --> 00:15:20,562
it transmits exactly
what you're doing to hers.
335
00:15:20,564 --> 00:15:22,847
See? Internet kissing.
336
00:15:30,355 --> 00:15:31,906
Give it a try.
337
00:15:31,908 --> 00:15:34,626
I don't think so.
338
00:15:35,244 --> 00:15:37,295
I'll try it.
339
00:15:42,034 --> 00:15:43,701
Like this?
340
00:15:43,703 --> 00:15:46,704
Almost. Really get
your tongue in there.
341
00:15:46,706 --> 00:15:48,539
to activate the motion sensor.
342
00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:51,593
Like this?
343
00:15:51,595 --> 00:15:54,012
Close. Really French it.
344
00:16:02,488 --> 00:16:03,571
Better?
345
00:16:03,573 --> 00:16:06,274
Yeah, you got it, you got it.
346
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:11,395
I'm impressed.
This is very lifelike.
347
00:16:11,397 --> 00:16:14,449
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
348
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:17,118
I-I nibbled.
I was being playful.
349
00:16:18,587 --> 00:16:21,706
Why do you have to make
everything weird?
350
00:16:21,708 --> 00:16:22,957
Sorry.
351
00:16:26,962 --> 00:16:28,913
Better?
352
00:16:28,915 --> 00:16:30,465
Oh, yeah.
353
00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:38,556
Pretty cool, huh?
354
00:16:38,558 --> 00:16:41,592
Probably would cost, like,
200 bucks in a store.
355
00:16:41,594 --> 00:16:43,061
I do appreciate
a bargain.
356
00:16:43,063 --> 00:16:46,698
This entire ensemble once
belonged to my dead grandmother.
357
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,649
You're kidding.
358
00:16:47,651 --> 00:16:49,867
Everything except bra
and panties.
359
00:16:49,869 --> 00:16:54,155
And they're a leopard-spotted
secret I share with Victoria.
360
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:56,908
And now me.
361
00:16:56,910 --> 00:17:00,611
I just have one question
about the chair.
362
00:17:00,613 --> 00:17:01,996
And what's that?
363
00:17:01,998 --> 00:17:05,250
Aren't you worried about it
being unhygienic?
364
00:17:06,802 --> 00:17:09,453
No, it's completely fine...
365
00:17:09,455 --> 00:17:13,207
Hmm. I get it.
366
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:14,259
Sheldon sent you.
367
00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:15,476
He put you up to this.
368
00:17:15,478 --> 00:17:16,761
- No, he didn't.
- Really?
369
00:17:16,763 --> 00:17:19,731
Yes, he did.
He absolutely did.
370
00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:23,284
My God, Amy, that's really
crappy of you.
371
00:17:23,286 --> 00:17:24,635
It is?
372
00:17:24,637 --> 00:17:27,238
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you
to manipulate me?
373
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,639
I thought you were my friend.
374
00:17:28,641 --> 00:17:31,326
No, I am your friend.
Please don't be mad at me.
375
00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:32,327
I can't even believe this.
376
00:17:32,329 --> 00:17:33,978
You know, maybe you
should just go.
377
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,802
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I take it all back! Look!
378
00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:38,512
I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your
chair.
379
00:17:38,513 --> 00:17:39,918
There's nothing wrong
with it. It's a great chair.
380
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:42,987
Please let me continue
to be part of your world.
381
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:44,655
Ow!
382
00:17:44,657 --> 00:17:46,024
What's wrong?
383
00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,376
Something in the chair's
biting my tushy.
384
00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:49,660
It's not important. Ow!
385
00:17:49,662 --> 00:17:51,512
Wait. Get up, get up!
386
00:17:52,381 --> 00:18:02,006
(both screaming)
387
00:18:02,008 --> 00:18:04,342
Swear you won't tell
Sheldon what happened!
388
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:05,777
I swear!
389
00:18:05,779 --> 00:18:09,513
(screaming)
390
00:18:09,515 --> 00:18:11,849
Can I tell my doctor?
I'm probably gonna need shots!
391
00:18:11,851 --> 00:18:13,701
Yeah, sure!
392
00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:16,270
(screaming continues)
393
00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:23,728
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured
this thing out.
394
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,095
Oh, Leonard, listen...
395
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,947
No, you listen!
You're my woman,
396
00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:28,482
and I'm gonna
make you feel things
397
00:18:28,484 --> 00:18:30,618
you have never felt before.
398
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,403
Leonard...
399
00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:33,737
That's right, say my name...
400
00:18:33,739 --> 00:18:35,456
and beg me for more, 'cause...
401
00:18:35,458 --> 00:18:38,842
I'm gonna give it to you.
402
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,296
My parents are here.
403
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,801
Hello, Leonard...
404
00:18:47,803 --> 00:18:51,505
if I may also
say your name.
405
00:18:56,294 --> 00:18:58,479
Check it out.
Free chair.
406
00:18:58,481 --> 00:18:59,930
Yeah.
407
00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:02,399
Hey, you know, if this was in
Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,
408
00:19:02,401 --> 00:19:05,135
I wouldn't wind up sitting on
the floor all the time.
409
00:19:05,137 --> 00:19:07,655
On three?
410
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:09,940
(chuckles)
411
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:12,109
Three!
Three!
412
00:19:12,111 --> 00:19:15,996
What kind of idiot throws away
a terrific chair like this?
413
00:19:15,998 --> 00:19:19,998
== sync, corrected by sp8ky ==