1
00:00:01,041 --> 00:00:02,240
Good evening.
2
00:00:02,265 --> 00:00:04,781
Tonight we reveal to you
the fate of Nedna.
3
00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:07,746
I have devoted my summer
to a more meaningful task
4
00:00:07,771 --> 00:00:10,670
salvaging
Mr. Popper's Penguins online.
5
00:00:10,908 --> 00:00:12,976
Anyway...the answer
to Ned and Edna
6
00:00:13,044 --> 00:00:15,414
is carefully hidden
in tonight's episode,
7
00:00:15,481 --> 00:00:18,252
like a bread crumb
lodged inside my stomach crease.
8
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,855
Enjoy.
9
00:00:19,922 --> 00:00:22,589
("Walking on the Moon"
by The Police playing)
10
00:00:22,657 --> 00:00:23,820
Whoa!
11
00:00:27,623 --> 00:00:29,224
(gasps)
12
00:00:29,292 --> 00:00:30,192
(grumbles)
13
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:31,761
(gasps)
14
00:00:33,297 --> 00:00:35,064
What the...?
15
00:00:35,132 --> 00:00:36,031
Aha!
16
00:00:36,099 --> 00:00:37,665
(tires screech)
17
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:40,800
♪ Quiet steps are what I take ♪
18
00:00:40,868 --> 00:00:43,203
♪ Sneaking in at noon ♪
19
00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:46,938
♪ Just in time
for my lunch break ♪
20
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,939
♪ Got my fork and spoon ♪
21
00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:52,842
♪ Time the cameras just right ♪
22
00:00:52,909 --> 00:00:54,243
♪ Duck in the bathroom ♪
23
00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:55,577
BARNEY:
Hi, Homer!
24
00:00:55,645 --> 00:00:58,980
♪ I'm still drunk
from last night ♪
25
00:00:59,047 --> 00:01:00,447
♪ Got driven home ♪
26
00:01:00,515 --> 00:01:04,484
♪ I don't know by whom ♪
27
00:01:04,551 --> 00:01:07,016
♪ Some may say ♪
28
00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:08,750
(horn honks)
29
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:12,153
♪ I don't deserve any pay ♪
30
00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:15,055
♪ But hey ♪
31
00:01:15,123 --> 00:01:18,558
♪ I came up with '60s Day ♪
32
00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:19,692
♪ Last May. ♪
33
00:01:19,717 --> 00:01:22,717
♪ The Simpsons 23x01 ♪
The Falcon and the D'Ohman
Original Air Date on September 25, 2011
34
00:01:23,863 --> 00:01:25,564
(laughs)
35
00:01:25,632 --> 00:01:28,134
While I'm here,
I might as well pre-punch out.
36
00:01:28,135 --> 00:01:31,135
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
37
00:01:31,478 --> 00:01:33,637
Hmm, we've had
a lot of bills lately.
38
00:01:33,638 --> 00:01:35,138
Better put in some overtime.
39
00:01:37,875 --> 00:01:39,442
(chuckles)
40
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:40,843
(humming)
41
00:01:40,911 --> 00:01:43,379
Larry, my man!
42
00:01:43,446 --> 00:01:45,047
Hey, you're
not Larry.
43
00:01:45,114 --> 00:01:46,081
How come you're
not Larry?
44
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,782
I wouldn't know, sir.
45
00:01:47,850 --> 00:01:51,319
Uh, listen,
if you could indulge me,
46
00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,854
Larry and I fist-bump
every morning.
47
00:01:53,922 --> 00:01:54,855
Like that.
48
00:01:54,923 --> 00:01:56,623
The warmth of human contact
49
00:01:56,691 --> 00:01:58,458
with a manly whiff of violence.
50
00:01:58,526 --> 00:01:59,626
Eh?
51
00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:01,527
Not interested.
52
00:02:01,595 --> 00:02:02,595
Wha...?!
53
00:02:02,662 --> 00:02:04,296
Sheesh!
54
00:02:04,364 --> 00:02:06,230
Hey, what's with that
new security guard?
55
00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:07,665
He's acting
all aloof.
56
00:02:07,732 --> 00:02:10,501
Uh, by the way, that's my
word of the day: "he's."
57
00:02:10,568 --> 00:02:12,502
Maybe I was
a little hard on him,
58
00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,671
expecting him to be Larry
right away.
59
00:02:14,738 --> 00:02:16,239
By the way, where is Larry?
60
00:02:16,306 --> 00:02:17,806
Crazy house.
Violent ward.
61
00:02:17,874 --> 00:02:19,374
Good ol' Larry.
62
00:02:19,442 --> 00:02:20,542
(humming)
63
00:02:20,610 --> 00:02:22,544
Say... Wayne,
64
00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:24,112
I couldn't help but notice
65
00:02:24,179 --> 00:02:26,047
that your breath doesn't
smell like alcohol.
66
00:02:26,114 --> 00:02:28,082
You want to go grab
a beer after work?
67
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:30,584
I prefer not to have social
interaction with coworkers.
68
00:02:30,652 --> 00:02:33,320
It, um, hasn't worked
out for me in the past.
69
00:02:33,388 --> 00:02:36,456
Well, maybe he just
doesn't like fist-bumping.
70
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:38,291
Hey, Wayne.
71
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:43,428
As God as my witness,
this fist will be bumped!
72
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,730
Put that
fool thing down.
73
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:47,098
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to
74
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,533
Master Chef:
Extreme Snack Edition.
75
00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:55,472
Marge, your ratio of peanut
butter to cracker was spot on.
76
00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:57,807
And I loved the addition
of the thin slice of apple.
77
00:02:57,874 --> 00:02:59,508
This was a great
plate of food.
78
00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:00,909
Thank you.
79
00:03:00,977 --> 00:03:03,411
This is my third favorite
reality cooking show.
80
00:03:03,479 --> 00:03:06,147
For your prize, you have won
a brand-new kitchen,
81
00:03:06,215 --> 00:03:07,615
which I will now become.
82
00:03:07,683 --> 00:03:09,350
(makes transforming noises)
83
00:03:09,417 --> 00:03:11,785
Ow! Ow! Ow!
84
00:03:11,852 --> 00:03:13,654
I miss my soul patch.
85
00:03:13,721 --> 00:03:15,088
(groans):
Oh.
86
00:03:17,357 --> 00:03:20,290
Kids, enjoy your
extreme snack.
87
00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,893
Wait, this tastes different.
88
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,861
I put a slice of apple in it.
89
00:03:25,929 --> 00:03:27,062
Gross.
90
00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:28,730
You know
I hate surprises.
91
00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:29,798
You tricked us.
92
00:03:29,866 --> 00:03:32,668
I like routine.
I like routine.
93
00:03:32,735 --> 00:03:33,702
(sighs)
94
00:03:33,770 --> 00:03:35,070
(sighs)
95
00:03:35,138 --> 00:03:36,805
Did you have
a hard day, too?
96
00:03:36,873 --> 00:03:39,640
Ah, a guy at work
seems not to like me.
97
00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:40,940
I guess it's not much
98
00:03:41,008 --> 00:03:43,041
when you look at real problems
in the world,
99
00:03:43,109 --> 00:03:45,744
like Major League umpires
not using instant replay.
100
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,011
It's big to you.
101
00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:49,513
Would you like
a get well pork chop?
102
00:03:49,581 --> 00:03:51,081
I love you so much.
103
00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:53,049
Potatoes and gravy
on the side, please.
104
00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:54,350
(whistle blows)
105
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,654
Charlie, want to
grab a beer?
106
00:03:58,721 --> 00:04:02,390
No, I was tipsy last night
when a telephone survey called,
107
00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:04,225
so I told them
to call back tonight
108
00:04:04,293 --> 00:04:05,759
for more accurate answers.
109
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,127
Oh. Okay.
110
00:04:07,195 --> 00:04:08,528
(thunder rumbling softly)
111
00:04:12,032 --> 00:04:13,466
(gasps)
Wayne!
112
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:16,101
Want a ride?
113
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,735
I can walk.
114
00:04:17,803 --> 00:04:20,270
(hail pattering)
115
00:04:22,474 --> 00:04:23,374
(groans)
116
00:04:23,442 --> 00:04:25,277
All right, Homer,
you win.
117
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:28,280
You know, I just got a little
chill when you said my name.
118
00:04:28,347 --> 00:04:29,647
(quietly):
Every town I go to,
119
00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:31,382
I run into some guy
just like this.
120
00:04:32,717 --> 00:04:34,451
Look, I'm not
weird or anything,
121
00:04:34,519 --> 00:04:37,021
I just like to feel like
I'm friends with everybody.
122
00:04:37,088 --> 00:04:39,256
(sighs)
Homer, you're a nice guy.
123
00:04:39,324 --> 00:04:40,824
I'll have one beer
with you.
124
00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:42,191
After that, we will have
125
00:04:42,259 --> 00:04:45,061
a courteous professional
relationship, and that's it.
126
00:04:45,129 --> 00:04:47,530
No secret Santa,
we're not trading lunches,
127
00:04:47,598 --> 00:04:49,065
Oh!
and I don't want you
128
00:04:49,133 --> 00:04:50,900
calling me at home and saying
"Turn on channel six."
129
00:04:50,968 --> 00:04:51,968
But what if the weather girl...
130
00:04:52,036 --> 00:04:54,370
I don't care!
131
00:04:57,607 --> 00:04:59,975
Wow, I can't believe
Homer bagged the tiger.
132
00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,543
Excuse me, I need to use the...
133
00:05:01,611 --> 00:05:02,610
Men's room!
134
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:03,745
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
135
00:05:03,813 --> 00:05:06,783
We're completing
each other's...
136
00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:09,451
Completing each other's...
137
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:14,056
sen... ten... ces...
138
00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:21,296
Totally surprising entrance!
139
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,463
(cocks gun)
140
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,664
Hand over your
cash and jewelry.
141
00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:25,731
Pronto.
142
00:05:25,798 --> 00:05:26,965
(groans)
143
00:05:28,966 --> 00:05:31,400
Hmm. Hmm.
144
00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:33,502
Okay, now,
don't want no trouble.
145
00:05:33,570 --> 00:05:36,738
Let me just get my cash
out of my cash drawer here.
146
00:05:36,806 --> 00:05:40,541
Just, uh, lining up all
the presidents, nice and neat.
147
00:05:40,609 --> 00:05:42,343
Ain't trying to be no hero.
148
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,444
(chuckles)
149
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,245
Uh...
(chuckles)
150
00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:46,246
Uh, here you go.
151
00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:47,814
Thanks for the upgrade.
152
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:48,848
Ha-ha!
153
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:53,751
(grunts)
154
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:54,753
Wayne?
155
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,154
Stand back, Homer!
156
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:57,855
I know what I'm doing.
157
00:05:57,923 --> 00:05:59,257
Well, we all know
what we're doing.
158
00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,624
The question is,
159
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,326
is it an appropriate
reaction to the situation?
160
00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:03,360
(sighs)
161
00:06:03,428 --> 00:06:05,796
Drunks are so boring.
162
00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:06,796
(gasps, gunshot)
163
00:06:07,665 --> 00:06:08,897
(screams)
164
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:10,466
My fresco!
165
00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:12,868
That's coming out
of your stealings!
166
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:14,336
(grunts)
167
00:06:14,404 --> 00:06:15,938
(yells)
168
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,273
(grunts)
169
00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:20,875
Wayne, maybe it's the me
being still alive talking,
170
00:06:20,943 --> 00:06:23,545
but I think you're awesome.
171
00:06:23,612 --> 00:06:27,181
I'm just a guy who saw what
needed to be done and did it.
172
00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:30,684
Oh, speaking of which, let's
get these eggs back in a jar.
173
00:06:30,751 --> 00:06:33,286
(humming)
174
00:06:36,255 --> 00:06:37,221
(cocks gun)
175
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,526
Wow, that's the farthest
that one of my eggs
176
00:06:46,594 --> 00:06:48,261
ever made it down
someone's throat.
177
00:06:52,861 --> 00:06:54,461
It's great to have
a home-cooked meal.
178
00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:57,063
Well, if anyone
saves my Homie's life,
179
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,764
they get a free meal.
180
00:06:58,831 --> 00:07:01,766
Which actually comes up
about once a week.
181
00:07:01,833 --> 00:07:03,901
So, Wayne,
how'd you learn
182
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:05,469
all those cool
self-defense moves?
183
00:07:05,536 --> 00:07:06,569
I had training.
184
00:07:06,637 --> 00:07:07,904
Special training.
185
00:07:07,972 --> 00:07:10,941
The kind they're not allowed
to give anymore.
186
00:07:18,451 --> 00:07:19,284
(grunts)
187
00:07:20,686 --> 00:07:21,653
(screams)
188
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,156
(choking)
189
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:38,500
(grunting)
190
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:47,773
(quacking laugh)
191
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:49,141
(grunting)
192
00:07:49,209 --> 00:07:50,843
(yelling)
193
00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:54,579
(roaring)
194
00:07:54,647 --> 00:07:57,949
(straining)
195
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:00,783
Sorry.
196
00:08:00,851 --> 00:08:01,883
I have to go.
197
00:08:01,951 --> 00:08:03,750
Oh, come on,
stay for dessert!
198
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:06,720
(straining)
199
00:08:06,788 --> 00:08:08,655
(sighs)
200
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,356
(door opens, closes)
201
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,924
Hey, Simpson, you want to hear
about the big change in my life?
202
00:08:13,992 --> 00:08:15,359
Sure, why not.
203
00:08:15,427 --> 00:08:17,995
I started drinking
orange juice with pulp.
204
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:20,031
I asked the Reverend,
and he said it was okay.
205
00:08:20,098 --> 00:08:21,533
Then he hung
right up on me.
206
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,936
That man is cranky at
3:00 in the morning.
207
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:30,144
And here he is, this
week's Noble Nobody.
208
00:08:30,211 --> 00:08:32,010
What the... (bleep)
209
00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:34,212
A quiet, unassuming
security guard
210
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,347
who foiled a robbery
at a local tavern,
211
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,383
as seen in this Taiwanese
animated dramatization.
212
00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:41,484
(female narrator
speaking Taiwanese)
213
00:08:54,897 --> 00:08:56,864
(laughing)
214
00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:03,203
(tires screeching)
215
00:09:03,271 --> 00:09:05,104
(video game sound effects)
216
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:09,308
Please, sir,
just let me do my job.
217
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:10,709
Pish tush.
218
00:09:10,776 --> 00:09:13,477
Wayne, as a reward for
your valiant fisticuffery,
219
00:09:13,545 --> 00:09:14,878
I hereby award you
220
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:17,380
the Springfield Nuclear Plant
Silver Safety Hat.
221
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,684
(fanfare plays)
222
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,153
(fanfare plays, horses neigh)
223
00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:24,688
(chuckles maniacally)
224
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,692
Thanks to you, Wayne,
225
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:31,259
we did not lose the
visible half of the moon.
226
00:09:31,327 --> 00:09:32,627
Just doing my job, sir.
227
00:09:32,694 --> 00:09:33,728
All too well.
228
00:09:33,795 --> 00:09:35,229
I'm afraid that protocol demands
229
00:09:35,297 --> 00:09:36,997
that I totally
erase your memory.
230
00:09:38,432 --> 00:09:39,733
(grunting)
231
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,541
(crackling)
232
00:09:47,608 --> 00:09:48,942
(grunting)
233
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:51,577
Die, you fascist bastard!
234
00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:54,179
Mother, is that you?
235
00:09:54,247 --> 00:09:56,047
Wayne, stop!
That's Mr. Burns!
236
00:09:56,115 --> 00:09:58,850
(gasping)
237
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:00,485
Ooh.
238
00:10:00,552 --> 00:10:03,220
I expect insolence,
but rank insolence?
239
00:10:03,288 --> 00:10:04,355
Off with his job!
240
00:10:04,423 --> 00:10:05,523
(sighs)
241
00:10:05,591 --> 00:10:06,457
Damn it.
242
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,292
Why don't you
come stay with us
243
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,027
till you can get
back on your feet?
244
00:10:11,095 --> 00:10:12,862
Really? Are you sure?
245
00:10:12,930 --> 00:10:13,963
Of course.
246
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,331
I mean, how long
could it be?
247
00:10:15,398 --> 00:10:16,832
I don't know.
248
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,834
I've got no job, no references,
can't afford my apartment.
249
00:10:19,902 --> 00:10:22,503
It's best to concentrate
on what you do have.
250
00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:25,271
I have reoccurring flashbacks
to a nightmarish past.
251
00:10:25,339 --> 00:10:27,006
That's funny, because I have
252
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:29,742
reoccurring flash-forwards
to a nightmarish future.
253
00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:33,845
(chanting):
Unfair! Unfair!
254
00:10:33,913 --> 00:10:35,946
That robot took our jobs!
255
00:10:37,415 --> 00:10:38,881
He said it.
256
00:10:38,949 --> 00:10:40,316
Or, uh, maybe it was him.
257
00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:44,987
Man, this robot really gets me.
258
00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:48,356
My nightmares are real.
259
00:10:48,424 --> 00:10:52,059
Your voice is so gravelly,
just like Lauren Bacall's.
260
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,439
If you don't listen to me,
Senator,
261
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,775
there's not going to be
a Fourth of July!
262
00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:06,476
WAYNE (panting): Don't you get it?
- He used the governor's eyeball
263
00:11:06,544 --> 00:11:08,210
for the retinal scan!
264
00:11:08,277 --> 00:11:10,345
That's ten members
of the electoral college
265
00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:11,880
dead in one day!
266
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:13,681
If you don't give me
those launch codes,
267
00:11:13,749 --> 00:11:15,916
you'll never be able to make
the "okay" sign again.
268
00:11:15,984 --> 00:11:18,018
I know the map
is inside your eyelids,
269
00:11:18,086 --> 00:11:20,854
and I will turn them
inside out if I have to!
270
00:11:20,921 --> 00:11:23,589
If you move that little top hat
to St. James Place,
271
00:11:23,657 --> 00:11:25,324
we'll all be blown
to kingdom come!
272
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:27,459
Bring me every fish
in that aquarium!
273
00:11:27,527 --> 00:11:29,461
One of them is lying!
274
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,696
(relieved sigh)
275
00:11:30,764 --> 00:11:32,899
I'm sorry I have
so many nightmares.
276
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:34,367
I've done
unspeakable things,
277
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:36,436
from Buenos Aires
to the Ukraine.
278
00:11:36,504 --> 00:11:38,205
Well, what brought you
to Springfield?
279
00:11:38,272 --> 00:11:40,841
Was it our Frito-Lay
distribution center?
280
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,543
I needed somewhere to lie low.
281
00:11:42,611 --> 00:11:44,779
Your town appears
on no maps or charts.
282
00:11:44,846 --> 00:11:47,048
Yeah, they couldn't find
a Google map photo
283
00:11:47,115 --> 00:11:48,716
without me naked
or urinating.
284
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,985
And when there was
a mapmaker's convention here,
285
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,688
they all got
Lou Gehrig's disease.
286
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,390
Not the one you're
thinking of--
287
00:11:54,457 --> 00:11:56,125
there's
another one.
288
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,461
So, Lisa, if you press
on Bart's elbow,
289
00:11:58,529 --> 00:11:59,762
here,
Ow!
290
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:01,530
he'll tell you
anything you want to know.
291
00:12:01,598 --> 00:12:02,831
I admit it!
I let Milhouse
292
00:12:02,899 --> 00:12:04,266
lie down in your bed!
293
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:06,602
Kids, can I talk
to Wayne alone a minute?
294
00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:09,869
Remember everything they say,
and tell us later in rattle code.
295
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,404
(rattling)
What do you mean, no?
296
00:12:11,472 --> 00:12:12,672
(grunts)
297
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,874
I don't know if you
should teach our children
298
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,110
advanced interrogation
techniques.
299
00:12:17,178 --> 00:12:18,077
I'm sorry, Marge.
300
00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:19,845
Sometimes I forget where I am.
301
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:21,713
Apology accepted.
302
00:12:21,781 --> 00:12:25,050
Now, could you teach me
a couple little driving tricks?
303
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,856
(laughs)
We'll see who gets their pick
304
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,557
of pizza pockets!
305
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,593
Give us your lunch money!
306
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:43,894
(grunting in pain)
307
00:12:43,962 --> 00:12:44,927
(martial arts yell)
308
00:12:44,995 --> 00:12:45,895
(bones crack, grunts)
309
00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:47,196
What gives, man?
310
00:12:47,263 --> 00:12:48,762
Where'd you
learn that stuff?
311
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,563
If I told you,
I'd have to kill you.
312
00:12:50,631 --> 00:12:51,798
Can I tell you?
313
00:12:51,865 --> 00:12:53,633
No! I won't listen!
314
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:56,335
We can't keep serving
the same thing every day.
315
00:12:56,403 --> 00:12:59,038
These kids have mashed potatoes
coming out of their ears.
316
00:12:59,105 --> 00:13:00,239
(Jimbo yells)
317
00:13:00,306 --> 00:13:01,540
Point taken.
318
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:04,075
(playing "Dance of the Knights"
by Prokofiev)
319
00:13:04,176 --> 00:13:06,510
Oh, my God.
That song.
320
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:07,778
(loud whooshing)
321
00:13:07,845 --> 00:13:11,581
(playing "Dance of the Knights")
322
00:13:11,648 --> 00:13:13,716
(people screaming)
323
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:15,752
(music continues)
324
00:13:20,057 --> 00:13:23,625
I can't live in the
real world anymore.
325
00:13:23,693 --> 00:13:25,293
This is the real world?
326
00:13:25,361 --> 00:13:27,662
Hallelujah!
I'm still alive!
327
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:30,064
Ha-ha! And I'll
appreciate every moment!
328
00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:33,268
Except the ones that aren't
as good as they used to be.
329
00:13:33,336 --> 00:13:34,903
Which is all of them.
330
00:13:34,971 --> 00:13:36,738
Oh, someone kill me.
331
00:13:36,806 --> 00:13:39,675
("Dance of the Knights" playing)
332
00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:48,884
Ah, junk, junk.
333
00:13:48,951 --> 00:13:52,917
Beyoncé confirms she will play
at my daughter's sweet 16 party.
334
00:13:52,985 --> 00:13:55,150
Humorous YouTube
sent by my brother.
335
00:13:55,218 --> 00:13:56,951
Mildly funny, at best.
336
00:13:57,018 --> 00:13:59,019
Eh, sometimes they
are good for giggle.
337
00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:01,721
"Auto-tune disaster victim."
338
00:14:01,788 --> 00:14:03,756
♪ Hiding in the basement ♪
339
00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:05,357
♪ Hiding
in the basement ♪
340
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,425
♪ And I'm, like,
where's the cat? ♪
341
00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:09,027
♪ Where's, where's the cat? ♪
342
00:14:09,095 --> 00:14:10,161
Hmm...
343
00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:12,030
"Crazy man attacks boss."
344
00:14:13,632 --> 00:14:15,934
(gasps)
It's him.
345
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:19,037
American agent who caused
the death of everyone I loved!
346
00:14:19,104 --> 00:14:21,406
You want to give it
zero stars?
347
00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,475
No! We will go to...
348
00:14:23,543 --> 00:14:25,311
Springfield, America,
349
00:14:25,378 --> 00:14:27,279
and kill this man.
350
00:14:27,347 --> 00:14:28,313
But first...
351
00:14:29,782 --> 00:14:31,749
♪ Here, kitty, kitty, kitty ♪
352
00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:33,584
♪ Here, kitty,
kitty, kitty ♪
353
00:14:33,651 --> 00:14:36,119
♪ Oh, you're an angel now. ♪
354
00:14:36,187 --> 00:14:38,254
♪ Washing out the dog poo ♪
355
00:14:38,322 --> 00:14:40,357
♪ Sure beats picking it up ♪
356
00:14:40,425 --> 00:14:42,326
♪ Flanders' driveway ♪
357
00:14:42,394 --> 00:14:43,695
♪ Is my goal ♪
358
00:14:45,531 --> 00:14:46,730
(whirring)
359
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:50,397
I am looking for
a man named Wayne.
360
00:14:50,463 --> 00:14:52,596
Oh. He's gone.
I don't know where he went.
361
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:54,999
Are you friend of his?
362
00:14:55,066 --> 00:14:57,567
He has no friends.
363
00:15:00,304 --> 00:15:01,871
Except me!
364
00:15:01,938 --> 00:15:03,605
(tires squeal)
365
00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:07,077
I see you are tight
like borscht and beets.
366
00:15:07,145 --> 00:15:10,913
Tell me, if we kidnapped
a friend of Wayne's,
367
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,683
would he attempt
to rescue that friend?
368
00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:17,419
Well, I suppose if the friend
was being horribly tortured...
369
00:15:17,487 --> 00:15:19,387
H-Hey, wha? Wha? Wha?
370
00:15:19,455 --> 00:15:21,189
(muffled shouts)
371
00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:23,158
No! Not the middle seat!
372
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:29,797
This just in:
a local man has been kidnapped
373
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,465
by Ukrainian gangsters.
374
00:15:31,533 --> 00:15:32,866
We've received
the following video.
375
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:36,238
Death to America!
376
00:15:36,306 --> 00:15:38,375
Stick to script.
Fine.
377
00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:41,714
I am being held somewhere
in the Springfield area.
378
00:15:41,782 --> 00:15:42,982
Turn the card.
379
00:15:43,049 --> 00:15:44,616
Hold up today's
newspaper.
380
00:15:44,684 --> 00:15:47,085
What will you guys use when
there aren't newspapers anymore?
381
00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:49,471
Perhaps we will be living
in a world where there'll
382
00:15:49,496 --> 00:15:50,796
be no need to kidnap.
383
00:15:50,856 --> 00:15:53,424
Oh, well, way
to make me feel obsolete.
384
00:15:53,491 --> 00:15:56,660
(chuckles): Oh, look-- here's
a coupon for scissors
385
00:15:56,728 --> 00:15:58,896
that you have to cut out!
Thanks, geniuses!
386
00:15:58,963 --> 00:16:00,497
RUSSIAN MAN:
Shut up.
387
00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,532
HOMER: Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing!
388
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,867
(punches landing)
HOMER (crying): Ow! Ow! Ow!
389
00:16:04,935 --> 00:16:07,169
This is no way
to treat the talent.
390
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:08,102
RUSSIAN MAN:
Shut up!
391
00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:09,069
Oh, God.
392
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:10,671
I know that voice.
393
00:16:10,738 --> 00:16:12,139
(loud whooshing)
394
00:16:12,206 --> 00:16:15,074
(playing "Dance of the Knights")
395
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:24,714
♪ ♪
396
00:16:26,983 --> 00:16:28,550
Viktor?
397
00:16:28,617 --> 00:16:31,286
Darling, I told you
to stay in your room.
398
00:16:31,354 --> 00:16:33,691
I told you
the bedspread smells funny.
399
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:38,997
(gunshot)
400
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,865
♪ ♪
401
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:45,701
(distorted):
Nyet...!
402
00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:50,505
Marge...
403
00:16:50,573 --> 00:16:52,106
I'll get your
husband back.
404
00:16:52,174 --> 00:16:53,841
How are you going
to find him?
405
00:16:53,908 --> 00:16:56,676
Homer is implanted with several
highly powerful tracking chips.
406
00:16:56,744 --> 00:16:58,244
How did that happen?
407
00:16:58,312 --> 00:16:59,812
I left that out in a bowl
and he ate them.
408
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,983
(wheel squeaking rhythmically
in distance)
409
00:17:05,051 --> 00:17:07,019
I'd take a moment
to enjoy those store names
410
00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:09,089
if I didn't have a job to do.
411
00:17:09,156 --> 00:17:12,157
♪ ♪
412
00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:31,107
Nyet...!
413
00:17:48,591 --> 00:17:49,391
(yells)
414
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:51,892
(grunts)
415
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,794
(organ playing gentle music)
416
00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:56,297
Get out of here!
417
00:17:56,365 --> 00:17:57,397
Ow!
418
00:17:57,465 --> 00:17:59,965
Aah! I won
a silver medal in Nagano--
419
00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:02,100
ow!-- and now this!
420
00:18:07,139 --> 00:18:08,840
(muffled whimpering)
421
00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:13,742
(panicked whimpering)
422
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,611
(shivering):
Oh... cold...
423
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,379
so cold...
424
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,514
So, Wayne,
425
00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:22,217
once again you
crash my party?
426
00:18:22,285 --> 00:18:24,419
So cold!
Warm me up!
427
00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:25,753
(grunts)
Stop it!
428
00:18:25,821 --> 00:18:27,822
Just let me put my hands
429
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,490
under your armpits.
(giggling)
430
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,261
(gasps)
431
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:36,196
So much violence
on the surface world.
432
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:39,266
I'm going back.
(grunts)
433
00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,868
(gurgling):
Cold... so cold...
434
00:18:44,104 --> 00:18:46,772
Now you can see why I
can't stay in one place.
435
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,073
Not here,
not anywhere.
436
00:18:48,141 --> 00:18:50,642
How about living on a train
that's always moving?
437
00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:53,377
You ever eat on a train, Marge?
What they call a steak
438
00:18:53,445 --> 00:18:55,045
is barely a hamburger.
Now, Homer,
439
00:18:55,113 --> 00:18:57,447
there's one more
thing before I go.
440
00:18:59,817 --> 00:19:00,883
Aw.
441
00:19:00,951 --> 00:19:03,652
That's what I call closure.
442
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,253
Good-bye.
443
00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:06,788
(rattling)
444
00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:09,757
Yes, Maggie, we will
have a use for you soon.
445
00:19:09,824 --> 00:19:11,792
(whispers): Stay close
to your busy box.
446
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,859
(rattling)
447
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,063
Wait!
448
00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:18,697
I know a place you can go!
449
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:21,632
A place where a sadistic man
with government experience
450
00:19:21,699 --> 00:19:23,433
can feel right at home.
451
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:25,601
("Dance of the Knights" plays)
452
00:19:26,903 --> 00:19:28,772
Sir, this is
the wrong form.
453
00:19:28,839 --> 00:19:32,576
Can you hold my space
while I go get the right one?
454
00:19:32,644 --> 00:19:34,978
Nobody held my space when I
was in a North Korean prison
455
00:19:35,046 --> 00:19:37,079
being forced to write a
musical about Kim Jung Il
456
00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:38,779
with a car battery
hooked up to my nipples!
457
00:19:38,847 --> 00:19:41,315
Well...
458
00:19:41,382 --> 00:19:43,884
(jaunty orchestral music
playing)
459
00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:45,018
♪ ♪
460
00:19:52,226 --> 00:19:53,960
(Korean accent):
Pardon me, sir,
461
00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:56,093
can you tell me
where palace is?
462
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,262
What business do you
have at the palace?
463
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:01,465
Why, someday I'm going
to be dear leader.
464
00:20:01,532 --> 00:20:03,233
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
465
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:06,837
You? You are too benevolent
to be dear leader!
466
00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:09,706
Let's see what they think.
467
00:20:09,707 --> 00:20:10,198
(choir harmonizing):
468
00:20:10,224 --> 00:20:13,875
♪ "K" is Korea,
just the north part ♪
469
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:17,878
♪ "I" is for
the Internet he bans ♪
470
00:20:17,945 --> 00:20:21,848
♪ "M" is for the millions
that are missing ♪
471
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:25,952
♪ "J" is for
a human-tasting jam ♪
472
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:29,722
♪ "O" is for oh, boy,
we love our leader ♪
473
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:33,892
♪ "N" is for
the best Korea, North ♪
474
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:38,129
♪ "G" is for gee whiz,
we love our leader, mmm... ♪
475
00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:41,832
We just wanted to give you all
a big thank you from Team Nedna.
476
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,301
It's nice to know people
still believe in love.
477
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,015
Now, wait just a minute--
478
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,838
how come I wasn't an
option in this contest?
479
00:20:47,839 --> 00:20:49,206
Typical Seymour!
480
00:20:49,273 --> 00:20:51,175
Waits till the
polls have closed
481
00:20:51,242 --> 00:20:53,477
before throwing his
hat in the ring.
482
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:57,980
I agree with America:
you'll never give me a grandchild.
483
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,381
Thank you.
484
00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:01,016
Oh...
485
00:21:01,083 --> 00:21:05,083
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
486
00:21:42,131 --> 00:21:42,949
Shh!
487
00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:45,351
WAYNE: Shush me again, and
I'll take your head clean off.