1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:02,668
Good evening.
2
00:00:02,693 --> 00:00:05,209
Tonight we reveal to you
the fate of Nedna.
3
00:00:05,234 --> 00:00:08,174
I have devoted my summer
to a more meaningful task
4
00:00:08,199 --> 00:00:11,098
salvaging
Mr. Popper's Penguins online.
5
00:00:11,336 --> 00:00:13,404
Anyway...the answer
to Ned and Edna
6
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,842
is carefully hidden
in tonight's episode,
7
00:00:15,909 --> 00:00:18,680
like a bread crumb
lodged inside my stomach crease.
8
00:00:18,747 --> 00:00:20,283
Enjoy.
9
00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:23,017
("Walking on the Moon"
by The Police playing)
10
00:00:23,085 --> 00:00:24,248
Whoa!
11
00:00:28,051 --> 00:00:29,652
(gasps)
12
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:30,620
(grumbles)
13
00:00:30,688 --> 00:00:32,189
(gasps)
14
00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,492
What the...?
15
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:36,459
Aha!
16
00:00:36,527 --> 00:00:38,093
(tires screech)
17
00:00:38,161 --> 00:00:41,228
♪ Quiet steps are what I take ♪
18
00:00:41,296 --> 00:00:43,631
♪ Sneaking in at noon ♪
19
00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:47,366
♪ Just in time
for my lunch break ♪
20
00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:50,367
♪ Got my fork and spoon ♪
21
00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:53,270
♪ Time the cameras just right ♪
22
00:00:53,337 --> 00:00:54,671
♪ Duck in the bathroom ♪
23
00:00:54,738 --> 00:00:56,005
BARNEY:
Hi, Homer!
24
00:00:56,073 --> 00:00:59,408
♪ I'm still drunk
from last night ♪
25
00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:00,875
♪ Got driven home ♪
26
00:01:00,943 --> 00:01:04,912
♪ I don't know by whom ♪
27
00:01:04,979 --> 00:01:07,444
♪ Some may say ♪
28
00:01:07,512 --> 00:01:09,178
(horn honks)
29
00:01:09,246 --> 00:01:12,581
♪ I don't deserve any pay ♪
30
00:01:12,649 --> 00:01:15,483
♪ But hey ♪
31
00:01:15,551 --> 00:01:18,986
♪ I came up with '60s Day ♪
32
00:01:19,054 --> 00:01:20,120
♪ Last May. ♪
33
00:01:20,145 --> 00:01:23,145
♪ The Simpsons 23x01 ♪
The Falcon and the D'Ohman
Original Air Date on September 25, 2011
34
00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:25,992
(laughs)
35
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,562
While I'm here,
I might as well pre-punch out.
36
00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:31,563
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
37
00:01:31,906 --> 00:01:34,065
Hmm, we've had
a lot of bills lately.
38
00:01:34,066 --> 00:01:35,566
Better put in some overtime.
39
00:01:38,303 --> 00:01:39,870
(chuckles)
40
00:01:39,938 --> 00:01:41,271
(humming)
41
00:01:41,339 --> 00:01:43,807
Larry, my man!
42
00:01:43,874 --> 00:01:45,475
Hey, you're
not Larry.
43
00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:46,509
How come you're
not Larry?
44
00:01:46,577 --> 00:01:48,210
I wouldn't know, sir.
45
00:01:48,278 --> 00:01:51,747
Uh, listen,
if you could indulge me,
46
00:01:51,815 --> 00:01:54,282
Larry and I fist-bump
every morning.
47
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,283
Like that.
48
00:01:55,351 --> 00:01:57,051
The warmth of human contact
49
00:01:57,119 --> 00:01:58,886
with a manly whiff of violence.
50
00:01:58,954 --> 00:02:00,054
Eh?
51
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,955
Not interested.
52
00:02:02,023 --> 00:02:03,023
Wha...?!
53
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,724
Sheesh!
54
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,658
Hey, what's with that
new security guard?
55
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,093
He's acting
all aloof.
56
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,929
Uh, by the way, that's my
word of the day: "he's."
57
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,930
Maybe I was
a little hard on him,
58
00:02:12,998 --> 00:02:15,099
expecting him to be Larry
right away.
59
00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:16,667
By the way, where is Larry?
60
00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:18,234
Crazy house.
Violent ward.
61
00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:19,802
Good ol' Larry.
62
00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:20,970
(humming)
63
00:02:21,038 --> 00:02:22,972
Say... Wayne,
64
00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:24,540
I couldn't help but notice
65
00:02:24,607 --> 00:02:26,475
that your breath doesn't
smell like alcohol.
66
00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,510
You want to go grab
a beer after work?
67
00:02:28,577 --> 00:02:31,012
I prefer not to have social
interaction with coworkers.
68
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,748
It, um, hasn't worked
out for me in the past.
69
00:02:33,816 --> 00:02:36,884
Well, maybe he just
doesn't like fist-bumping.
70
00:02:36,951 --> 00:02:38,719
Hey, Wayne.
71
00:02:38,786 --> 00:02:43,856
As God as my witness,
this fist will be bumped!
72
00:02:43,924 --> 00:02:46,158
Put that
fool thing down.
73
00:02:46,226 --> 00:02:47,526
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to
74
00:02:47,594 --> 00:02:49,961
Master Chef:
Extreme Snack Edition.
75
00:02:52,198 --> 00:02:55,900
Marge, your ratio of peanut
butter to cracker was spot on.
76
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,235
And I loved the addition
of the thin slice of apple.
77
00:02:58,302 --> 00:02:59,936
This was a great
plate of food.
78
00:03:00,004 --> 00:03:01,337
Thank you.
79
00:03:01,405 --> 00:03:03,839
This is my third favorite
reality cooking show.
80
00:03:03,907 --> 00:03:06,575
For your prize, you have won
a brand-new kitchen,
81
00:03:06,643 --> 00:03:08,043
which I will now become.
82
00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:09,778
(makes transforming noises)
83
00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:12,213
Ow! Ow! Ow!
84
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,082
I miss my soul patch.
85
00:03:14,149 --> 00:03:15,516
(groans):
Oh.
86
00:03:17,785 --> 00:03:20,718
Kids, enjoy your
extreme snack.
87
00:03:22,553 --> 00:03:24,321
Wait, this tastes different.
88
00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:26,289
I put a slice of apple in it.
89
00:03:26,357 --> 00:03:27,490
Gross.
90
00:03:27,558 --> 00:03:29,158
You know
I hate surprises.
91
00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:30,226
You tricked us.
92
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:33,096
I like routine.
I like routine.
93
00:03:33,163 --> 00:03:34,130
(sighs)
94
00:03:34,198 --> 00:03:35,498
(sighs)
95
00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:37,233
Did you have
a hard day, too?
96
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,068
Ah, a guy at work
seems not to like me.
97
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,368
I guess it's not much
98
00:03:41,436 --> 00:03:43,469
when you look at real problems
in the world,
99
00:03:43,537 --> 00:03:46,172
like Major League umpires
not using instant replay.
100
00:03:46,239 --> 00:03:47,439
It's big to you.
101
00:03:47,507 --> 00:03:49,941
Would you like
a get well pork chop?
102
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,509
I love you so much.
103
00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:53,477
Potatoes and gravy
on the side, please.
104
00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:54,778
(whistle blows)
105
00:03:57,581 --> 00:03:59,082
Charlie, want to
grab a beer?
106
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:02,818
No, I was tipsy last night
when a telephone survey called,
107
00:04:02,886 --> 00:04:04,653
so I told them
to call back tonight
108
00:04:04,721 --> 00:04:06,187
for more accurate answers.
109
00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:07,555
Oh. Okay.
110
00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,956
(thunder rumbling softly)
111
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,894
(gasps)
Wayne!
112
00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:16,529
Want a ride?
113
00:04:16,596 --> 00:04:18,163
I can walk.
114
00:04:18,231 --> 00:04:20,698
(hail pattering)
115
00:04:22,902 --> 00:04:23,802
(groans)
116
00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:25,705
All right, Homer,
you win.
117
00:04:25,773 --> 00:04:28,708
You know, I just got a little
chill when you said my name.
118
00:04:28,775 --> 00:04:30,075
(quietly):
Every town I go to,
119
00:04:30,143 --> 00:04:31,810
I run into some guy
just like this.
120
00:04:33,145 --> 00:04:34,879
Look, I'm not
weird or anything,
121
00:04:34,947 --> 00:04:37,449
I just like to feel like
I'm friends with everybody.
122
00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:39,684
(sighs)
Homer, you're a nice guy.
123
00:04:39,752 --> 00:04:41,252
I'll have one beer
with you.
124
00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:42,619
After that, we will have
125
00:04:42,687 --> 00:04:45,489
a courteous professional
relationship, and that's it.
126
00:04:45,557 --> 00:04:47,958
No secret Santa,
we're not trading lunches,
127
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,493
Oh!
and I don't want you
128
00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:51,328
calling me at home and saying
"Turn on channel six."
129
00:04:51,396 --> 00:04:52,396
But what if the weather girl...
130
00:04:52,464 --> 00:04:54,798
I don't care!
131
00:04:58,035 --> 00:05:00,403
Wow, I can't believe
Homer bagged the tiger.
132
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:01,971
Excuse me, I need to use the...
133
00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:03,038
Men's room!
134
00:05:03,106 --> 00:05:04,173
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
135
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:07,211
We're completing
each other's...
136
00:05:07,278 --> 00:05:09,879
Completing each other's...
137
00:05:09,947 --> 00:05:14,484
sen... ten... ces...
138
00:05:19,723 --> 00:05:21,724
Totally surprising entrance!
139
00:05:21,792 --> 00:05:22,891
(cocks gun)
140
00:05:22,959 --> 00:05:25,092
Hand over your
cash and jewelry.
141
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,159
Pronto.
142
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,393
(groans)
143
00:05:29,394 --> 00:05:31,828
Hmm. Hmm.
144
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,930
Okay, now,
don't want no trouble.
145
00:05:33,998 --> 00:05:37,166
Let me just get my cash
out of my cash drawer here.
146
00:05:37,234 --> 00:05:40,969
Just, uh, lining up all
the presidents, nice and neat.
147
00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,771
Ain't trying to be no hero.
148
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:43,872
(chuckles)
149
00:05:43,939 --> 00:05:45,673
Uh...
(chuckles)
150
00:05:45,741 --> 00:05:46,674
Uh, here you go.
151
00:05:46,742 --> 00:05:48,242
Thanks for the upgrade.
152
00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:49,276
Ha-ha!
153
00:05:53,079 --> 00:05:54,179
(grunts)
154
00:05:54,247 --> 00:05:55,181
Wayne?
155
00:05:55,248 --> 00:05:56,582
Stand back, Homer!
156
00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:58,283
I know what I'm doing.
157
00:05:58,351 --> 00:05:59,685
Well, we all know
what we're doing.
158
00:05:59,752 --> 00:06:01,052
The question is,
159
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,754
is it an appropriate
reaction to the situation?
160
00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:03,788
(sighs)
161
00:06:03,856 --> 00:06:06,224
Drunks are so boring.
162
00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,224
(gasps, gunshot)
163
00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,325
(screams)
164
00:06:09,393 --> 00:06:10,894
My fresco!
165
00:06:10,961 --> 00:06:13,296
That's coming out
of your stealings!
166
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:14,764
(grunts)
167
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,366
(yells)
168
00:06:16,434 --> 00:06:17,701
(grunts)
169
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:21,303
Wayne, maybe it's the me
being still alive talking,
170
00:06:21,371 --> 00:06:23,973
but I think you're awesome.
171
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,609
I'm just a guy who saw what
needed to be done and did it.
172
00:06:27,677 --> 00:06:31,112
Oh, speaking of which, let's
get these eggs back in a jar.
173
00:06:31,179 --> 00:06:33,714
(humming)
174
00:06:36,683 --> 00:06:37,649
(cocks gun)
175
00:06:44,687 --> 00:06:46,954
Wow, that's the farthest
that one of my eggs
176
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:48,689
ever made it down
someone's throat.
177
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,889
It's great to have
a home-cooked meal.
178
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,491
Well, if anyone
saves my Homie's life,
179
00:06:57,558 --> 00:06:59,192
they get a free meal.
180
00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:02,194
Which actually comes up
about once a week.
181
00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:04,329
So, Wayne,
how'd you learn
182
00:07:04,396 --> 00:07:05,897
all those cool
self-defense moves?
183
00:07:05,964 --> 00:07:06,997
I had training.
184
00:07:07,065 --> 00:07:08,332
Special training.
185
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,369
The kind they're not allowed
to give anymore.
186
00:07:18,879 --> 00:07:19,712
(grunts)
187
00:07:21,114 --> 00:07:22,081
(screams)
188
00:07:25,718 --> 00:07:26,584
(choking)
189
00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:38,928
(grunting)
190
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,201
(quacking laugh)
191
00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,569
(grunting)
192
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,271
(yelling)
193
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,007
(roaring)
194
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:58,377
(straining)
195
00:07:59,945 --> 00:08:01,211
Sorry.
196
00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:02,311
I have to go.
197
00:08:02,379 --> 00:08:04,178
Oh, come on,
stay for dessert!
198
00:08:04,246 --> 00:08:07,148
(straining)
199
00:08:07,216 --> 00:08:09,083
(sighs)
200
00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:11,784
(door opens, closes)
201
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:14,352
Hey, Simpson, you want to hear
about the big change in my life?
202
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:15,787
Sure, why not.
203
00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:18,423
I started drinking
orange juice with pulp.
204
00:08:18,491 --> 00:08:20,459
I asked the Reverend,
and he said it was okay.
205
00:08:20,526 --> 00:08:21,961
Then he hung
right up on me.
206
00:08:22,028 --> 00:08:24,364
That man is cranky at
3:00 in the morning.
207
00:08:27,869 --> 00:08:30,572
And here he is, this
week's Noble Nobody.
208
00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:32,438
What the... (bleep)
209
00:08:32,505 --> 00:08:34,640
A quiet, unassuming
security guard
210
00:08:34,708 --> 00:08:36,775
who foiled a robbery
at a local tavern,
211
00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:39,811
as seen in this Taiwanese
animated dramatization.
212
00:08:39,878 --> 00:08:41,912
(female narrator
speaking Taiwanese)
213
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,292
(laughing)
214
00:09:02,698 --> 00:09:03,631
(tires screeching)
215
00:09:03,699 --> 00:09:05,532
(video game sound effects)
216
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:09,736
Please, sir,
just let me do my job.
217
00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:11,137
Pish tush.
218
00:09:11,204 --> 00:09:13,905
Wayne, as a reward for
your valiant fisticuffery,
219
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:15,306
I hereby award you
220
00:09:15,374 --> 00:09:17,808
the Springfield Nuclear Plant
Silver Safety Hat.
221
00:09:19,778 --> 00:09:21,112
(fanfare plays)
222
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:23,581
(fanfare plays, horses neigh)
223
00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:25,116
(chuckles maniacally)
224
00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:29,120
Thanks to you, Wayne,
225
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:31,687
we did not lose the
visible half of the moon.
226
00:09:31,755 --> 00:09:33,055
Just doing my job, sir.
227
00:09:33,122 --> 00:09:34,156
All too well.
228
00:09:34,223 --> 00:09:35,657
I'm afraid that protocol demands
229
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:37,425
that I totally
erase your memory.
230
00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,161
(grunting)
231
00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:47,969
(crackling)
232
00:09:48,036 --> 00:09:49,370
(grunting)
233
00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:52,005
Die, you fascist bastard!
234
00:09:52,073 --> 00:09:54,607
Mother, is that you?
235
00:09:54,675 --> 00:09:56,475
Wayne, stop!
That's Mr. Burns!
236
00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:59,278
(gasping)
237
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:00,913
Ooh.
238
00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,648
I expect insolence,
but rank insolence?
239
00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:04,783
Off with his job!
240
00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:05,951
(sighs)
241
00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:06,885
Damn it.
242
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:09,720
Why don't you
come stay with us
243
00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:11,455
till you can get
back on your feet?
244
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,290
Really? Are you sure?
245
00:10:13,358 --> 00:10:14,391
Of course.
246
00:10:14,459 --> 00:10:15,759
I mean, how long
could it be?
247
00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,260
I don't know.
248
00:10:17,328 --> 00:10:20,262
I've got no job, no references,
can't afford my apartment.
249
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:22,931
It's best to concentrate
on what you do have.
250
00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:25,699
I have reoccurring flashbacks
to a nightmarish past.
251
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:27,434
That's funny, because I have
252
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:30,170
reoccurring flash-forwards
to a nightmarish future.
253
00:10:32,606 --> 00:10:34,273
(chanting):
Unfair! Unfair!
254
00:10:34,341 --> 00:10:36,374
That robot took our jobs!
255
00:10:37,843 --> 00:10:39,309
He said it.
256
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:40,744
Or, uh, maybe it was him.
257
00:10:41,879 --> 00:10:45,415
Man, this robot really gets me.
258
00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:48,784
My nightmares are real.
259
00:10:48,852 --> 00:10:52,487
Your voice is so gravelly,
just like Lauren Bacall's.
260
00:11:00,462 --> 00:11:01,867
If you don't listen to me,
Senator,
261
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,203
there's not going to be
a Fourth of July!
262
00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:06,904
WAYNE (panting): Don't you get it?
- He used the governor's eyeball
263
00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:08,638
for the retinal scan!
264
00:11:08,705 --> 00:11:10,773
That's ten members
of the electoral college
265
00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:12,308
dead in one day!
266
00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:14,109
If you don't give me
those launch codes,
267
00:11:14,177 --> 00:11:16,344
you'll never be able to make
the "okay" sign again.
268
00:11:16,412 --> 00:11:18,446
I know the map
is inside your eyelids,
269
00:11:18,514 --> 00:11:21,282
and I will turn them
inside out if I have to!
270
00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:24,017
If you move that little top hat
to St. James Place,
271
00:11:24,085 --> 00:11:25,752
we'll all be blown
to kingdom come!
272
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:27,887
Bring me every fish
in that aquarium!
273
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,889
One of them is lying!
274
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,124
(relieved sigh)
275
00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:33,327
I'm sorry I have
so many nightmares.
276
00:11:33,394 --> 00:11:34,795
I've done
unspeakable things,
277
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,864
from Buenos Aires
to the Ukraine.
278
00:11:36,932 --> 00:11:38,633
Well, what brought you
to Springfield?
279
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,269
Was it our Frito-Lay
distribution center?
280
00:11:41,337 --> 00:11:42,971
I needed somewhere to lie low.
281
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:45,207
Your town appears
on no maps or charts.
282
00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:47,476
Yeah, they couldn't find
a Google map photo
283
00:11:47,543 --> 00:11:49,144
without me naked
or urinating.
284
00:11:49,212 --> 00:11:51,413
And when there was
a mapmaker's convention here,
285
00:11:51,514 --> 00:11:53,116
they all got
Lou Gehrig's disease.
286
00:11:53,183 --> 00:11:54,818
Not the one you're
thinking of--
287
00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:56,553
there's
another one.
288
00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:58,889
So, Lisa, if you press
on Bart's elbow,
289
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:00,190
here,
Ow!
290
00:12:00,258 --> 00:12:01,958
he'll tell you
anything you want to know.
291
00:12:02,026 --> 00:12:03,259
I admit it!
I let Milhouse
292
00:12:03,327 --> 00:12:04,694
lie down in your bed!
293
00:12:04,762 --> 00:12:07,030
Kids, can I talk
to Wayne alone a minute?
294
00:12:07,097 --> 00:12:10,297
Remember everything they say,
and tell us later in rattle code.
295
00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:11,832
(rattling)
What do you mean, no?
296
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:13,100
(grunts)
297
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:15,302
I don't know if you
should teach our children
298
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:17,538
advanced interrogation
techniques.
299
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:18,505
I'm sorry, Marge.
300
00:12:18,573 --> 00:12:20,273
Sometimes I forget where I am.
301
00:12:20,341 --> 00:12:22,141
Apology accepted.
302
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,478
Now, could you teach me
a couple little driving tricks?
303
00:12:34,482 --> 00:12:37,284
(laughs)
We'll see who gets their pick
304
00:12:37,352 --> 00:12:38,985
of pizza pockets!
305
00:12:41,254 --> 00:12:43,021
Give us your lunch money!
306
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,322
(grunting in pain)
307
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:45,355
(martial arts yell)
308
00:12:45,423 --> 00:12:46,323
(bones crack, grunts)
309
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,624
What gives, man?
310
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:49,190
Where'd you
learn that stuff?
311
00:12:49,258 --> 00:12:50,991
If I told you,
I'd have to kill you.
312
00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:52,226
Can I tell you?
313
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:54,061
No! I won't listen!
314
00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:56,763
We can't keep serving
the same thing every day.
315
00:12:56,831 --> 00:12:59,466
These kids have mashed potatoes
coming out of their ears.
316
00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:00,667
(Jimbo yells)
317
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:01,968
Point taken.
318
00:13:02,035 --> 00:13:04,503
(playing "Dance of the Knights"
by Prokofiev)
319
00:13:04,604 --> 00:13:06,938
Oh, my God.
That song.
320
00:13:07,006 --> 00:13:08,206
(loud whooshing)
321
00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:12,009
(playing "Dance of the Knights")
322
00:13:12,076 --> 00:13:14,144
(people screaming)
323
00:13:14,212 --> 00:13:16,180
(music continues)
324
00:13:20,485 --> 00:13:24,053
I can't live in the
real world anymore.
325
00:13:24,121 --> 00:13:25,721
This is the real world?
326
00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:28,090
Hallelujah!
I'm still alive!
327
00:13:28,158 --> 00:13:30,492
Ha-ha! And I'll
appreciate every moment!
328
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,696
Except the ones that aren't
as good as they used to be.
329
00:13:33,764 --> 00:13:35,331
Which is all of them.
330
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,166
Oh, someone kill me.
331
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:40,103
("Dance of the Knights" playing)
332
00:13:46,944 --> 00:13:49,312
Ah, junk, junk.
333
00:13:49,379 --> 00:13:53,345
Beyoncé confirms she will play
at my daughter's sweet 16 party.
334
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:55,578
Humorous YouTube
sent by my brother.
335
00:13:55,646 --> 00:13:57,379
Mildly funny, at best.
336
00:13:57,446 --> 00:13:59,447
Eh, sometimes they
are good for giggle.
337
00:13:59,515 --> 00:14:02,149
"Auto-tune disaster victim."
338
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,184
♪ Hiding in the basement ♪
339
00:14:04,251 --> 00:14:05,785
♪ Hiding
in the basement ♪
340
00:14:05,853 --> 00:14:07,853
♪ And I'm, like,
where's the cat? ♪
341
00:14:07,921 --> 00:14:09,455
♪ Where's, where's the cat? ♪
342
00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:10,589
Hmm...
343
00:14:10,657 --> 00:14:12,458
"Crazy man attacks boss."
344
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:16,362
(gasps)
It's him.
345
00:14:16,429 --> 00:14:19,465
American agent who caused
the death of everyone I loved!
346
00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:21,834
You want to give it
zero stars?
347
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,903
No! We will go to...
348
00:14:23,971 --> 00:14:25,739
Springfield, America,
349
00:14:25,806 --> 00:14:27,707
and kill this man.
350
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:28,741
But first...
351
00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:32,177
♪ Here, kitty, kitty, kitty ♪
352
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,012
♪ Here, kitty,
kitty, kitty ♪
353
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,547
♪ Oh, you're an angel now. ♪
354
00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:38,682
♪ Washing out the dog poo ♪
355
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,785
♪ Sure beats picking it up ♪
356
00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:42,754
♪ Flanders' driveway ♪
357
00:14:42,822 --> 00:14:44,123
♪ Is my goal ♪
358
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:47,158
(whirring)
359
00:14:47,226 --> 00:14:50,825
I am looking for
a man named Wayne.
360
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,024
Oh. He's gone.
I don't know where he went.
361
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,427
Are you friend of his?
362
00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,995
He has no friends.
363
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:02,299
Except me!
364
00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:04,033
(tires squeal)
365
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:07,505
I see you are tight
like borscht and beets.
366
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,341
Tell me, if we kidnapped
a friend of Wayne's,
367
00:15:11,409 --> 00:15:14,111
would he attempt
to rescue that friend?
368
00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:17,847
Well, I suppose if the friend
was being horribly tortured...
369
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,815
H-Hey, wha? Wha? Wha?
370
00:15:19,883 --> 00:15:21,617
(muffled shouts)
371
00:15:21,685 --> 00:15:23,586
No! Not the middle seat!
372
00:15:27,475 --> 00:15:30,225
This just in:
a local man has been kidnapped
373
00:15:30,226 --> 00:15:31,893
by Ukrainian gangsters.
374
00:15:31,961 --> 00:15:33,294
We've received
the following video.
375
00:15:34,697 --> 00:15:36,666
Death to America!
376
00:15:36,734 --> 00:15:38,803
Stick to script.
Fine.
377
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:42,142
I am being held somewhere
in the Springfield area.
378
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:43,410
Turn the card.
379
00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:45,044
Hold up today's
newspaper.
380
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,513
What will you guys use when
there aren't newspapers anymore?
381
00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:49,899
Perhaps we will be living
in a world where there'll
382
00:15:49,924 --> 00:15:51,224
be no need to kidnap.
383
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,852
Oh, well, way
to make me feel obsolete.
384
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:57,088
(chuckles): Oh, look-- here's
a coupon for scissors
385
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,324
that you have to cut out!
Thanks, geniuses!
386
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:00,925
RUSSIAN MAN:
Shut up.
387
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,960
HOMER: Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing!
388
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,295
(punches landing)
HOMER (crying): Ow! Ow! Ow!
389
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:07,597
This is no way
to treat the talent.
390
00:16:07,698 --> 00:16:08,530
RUSSIAN MAN:
Shut up!
391
00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:09,497
Oh, God.
392
00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:11,099
I know that voice.
393
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,567
(loud whooshing)
394
00:16:12,634 --> 00:16:15,502
(playing "Dance of the Knights")
395
00:16:23,408 --> 00:16:25,142
♪ ♪
396
00:16:27,411 --> 00:16:28,978
Viktor?
397
00:16:29,045 --> 00:16:31,714
Darling, I told you
to stay in your room.
398
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,119
I told you
the bedspread smells funny.
399
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:39,425
(gunshot)
400
00:16:39,492 --> 00:16:41,293
♪ ♪
401
00:16:44,096 --> 00:16:46,129
(distorted):
Nyet...!
402
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,933
Marge...
403
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:52,534
I'll get your
husband back.
404
00:16:52,602 --> 00:16:54,269
How are you going
to find him?
405
00:16:54,336 --> 00:16:57,104
Homer is implanted with several
highly powerful tracking chips.
406
00:16:57,172 --> 00:16:58,672
How did that happen?
407
00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,240
I left that out in a bowl
and he ate them.
408
00:17:03,477 --> 00:17:05,411
(wheel squeaking rhythmically
in distance)
409
00:17:05,479 --> 00:17:07,447
I'd take a moment
to enjoy those store names
410
00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:09,517
if I didn't have a job to do.
411
00:17:09,584 --> 00:17:12,585
♪ ♪
412
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:31,535
Nyet...!
413
00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:49,819
(yells)
414
00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:52,320
(grunts)
415
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,222
(organ playing gentle music)
416
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,725
Get out of here!
417
00:17:56,793 --> 00:17:57,825
Ow!
418
00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,393
Aah! I won
a silver medal in Nagano--
419
00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:02,528
ow!-- and now this!
420
00:18:07,567 --> 00:18:09,268
(muffled whimpering)
421
00:18:11,571 --> 00:18:14,170
(panicked whimpering)
422
00:18:14,238 --> 00:18:16,039
(shivering):
Oh... cold...
423
00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:17,807
so cold...
424
00:18:17,908 --> 00:18:19,942
So, Wayne,
425
00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:22,645
once again you
crash my party?
426
00:18:22,713 --> 00:18:24,847
So cold!
Warm me up!
427
00:18:24,914 --> 00:18:26,181
(grunts)
Stop it!
428
00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:28,250
Just let me put my hands
429
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,918
under your armpits.
(giggling)
430
00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:33,689
(gasps)
431
00:18:33,757 --> 00:18:36,624
So much violence
on the surface world.
432
00:18:36,692 --> 00:18:39,694
I'm going back.
(grunts)
433
00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:42,296
(gurgling):
Cold... so cold...
434
00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:47,200
Now you can see why I
can't stay in one place.
435
00:18:47,268 --> 00:18:48,501
Not here,
not anywhere.
436
00:18:48,569 --> 00:18:51,070
How about living on a train
that's always moving?
437
00:18:51,137 --> 00:18:53,805
You ever eat on a train, Marge?
What they call a steak
438
00:18:53,873 --> 00:18:55,473
is barely a hamburger.
Now, Homer,
439
00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:57,875
there's one more
thing before I go.
440
00:19:00,245 --> 00:19:01,311
Aw.
441
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:04,080
That's what I call closure.
442
00:19:04,148 --> 00:19:05,681
Good-bye.
443
00:19:05,749 --> 00:19:07,216
(rattling)
444
00:19:07,284 --> 00:19:10,185
Yes, Maggie, we will
have a use for you soon.
445
00:19:10,252 --> 00:19:12,220
(whispers): Stay close
to your busy box.
446
00:19:12,287 --> 00:19:13,287
(rattling)
447
00:19:15,624 --> 00:19:17,491
Wait!
448
00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:19,125
I know a place you can go!
449
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:22,060
A place where a sadistic man
with government experience
450
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:23,861
can feel right at home.
451
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:26,029
("Dance of the Knights" plays)
452
00:19:27,331 --> 00:19:29,200
Sir, this is
the wrong form.
453
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:33,004
Can you hold my space
while I go get the right one?
454
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,406
Nobody held my space when I
was in a North Korean prison
455
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,507
being forced to write a
musical about Kim Jung Il
456
00:19:37,574 --> 00:19:39,207
with a car battery
hooked up to my nipples!
457
00:19:39,275 --> 00:19:41,743
Well...
458
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,312
(jaunty orchestral music
playing)
459
00:19:44,379 --> 00:19:45,446
♪ ♪
460
00:19:52,654 --> 00:19:54,388
(Korean accent):
Pardon me, sir,
461
00:19:54,456 --> 00:19:56,521
can you tell me
where palace is?
462
00:19:56,589 --> 00:19:58,690
What business do you
have at the palace?
463
00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:01,893
Why, someday I'm going
to be dear leader.
464
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,661
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
465
00:20:03,729 --> 00:20:07,265
You? You are too benevolent
to be dear leader!
466
00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:10,134
Let's see what they think.
467
00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:10,626
(choir harmonizing):
468
00:20:10,652 --> 00:20:14,303
♪ "K" is Korea,
just the north part ♪
469
00:20:14,304 --> 00:20:18,306
♪ "I" is for
the Internet he bans ♪
470
00:20:18,373 --> 00:20:22,276
♪ "M" is for the millions
that are missing ♪
471
00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:26,380
♪ "J" is for
a human-tasting jam ♪
472
00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:30,150
♪ "O" is for oh, boy,
we love our leader ♪
473
00:20:30,218 --> 00:20:34,320
♪ "N" is for
the best Korea, North ♪
474
00:20:34,388 --> 00:20:38,557
♪ "G" is for gee whiz,
we love our leader, mmm... ♪
475
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:42,260
We just wanted to give you all
a big thank you from Team Nedna.
476
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,729
It's nice to know people
still believe in love.
477
00:20:44,797 --> 00:20:46,443
Now, wait just a minute--
478
00:20:46,468 --> 00:20:48,266
how come I wasn't an
option in this contest?
479
00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:49,634
Typical Seymour!
480
00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:51,603
Waits till the
polls have closed
481
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:53,905
before throwing his
hat in the ring.
482
00:20:53,972 --> 00:20:58,408
I agree with America:
you'll never give me a grandchild.
483
00:20:58,476 --> 00:20:59,809
Thank you.
484
00:20:59,877 --> 00:21:01,444
Oh...
485
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:05,511
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
486
00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:43,377
Shh!
487
00:21:43,378 --> 00:21:45,779
WAYNE: Shush me again, and
I'll take your head clean off.