1
00:00:01,420 --> 00:00:02,735
Who wants the
last dumpling?
2
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,086
Ooh, me!
3
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:05,454
Penny, a moment.
4
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,539
We just had Thai food.
5
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,459
In that culture,
the last morsel is called
6
00:00:10,461 --> 00:00:13,629
the "greng jie" piece,
and it is reserved for
7
00:00:13,631 --> 00:00:16,765
the most important
and valued member of the group.
8
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:25,774
Thank you all
for this high honor.
9
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:30,646
I've seen pictures
of your mother; keep eating.
10
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,570
All right, honey, if we're gonna
make the movie, we should go.
11
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,159
This may be hard
for you to hear,
12
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:47,246
but when I say "honey,"
I mean my fiancée.
13
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,084
Yeah, well, now it means her.
14
00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:55,804
It's okay if he
wants to come.
15
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,423
Fine. But next time,
we get a sitter.
16
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,977
All right, I got to go to work.
I'll walk down with you.
17
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,228
Wait.
18
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,131
Which is closer to the new
train store in Monrovia,
19
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:08,317
the movie theater
or The Cheesecake Factory?
20
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,402
Neither of them are close.
21
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,404
Oh, well, then I guess
it doesn't matter which one
22
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,322
of you drives me.
23
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:14,773
Let's play a fun guessing game
24
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,491
to see who gets to take me.
25
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:19,862
All right, this four-letter word
describes either
26
00:01:19,864 --> 00:01:23,782
a printer's type size
or a compulsion to eat dirt.
27
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,534
Okay, I'm not driving him.
28
00:01:25,536 --> 00:01:27,953
Penny, don't give up,
you can get this.
29
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,675
Aren't you going
with Sheldon?
30
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,962
No, I have no interest
in model trains,
31
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:40,716
stores that sell them, nor
their heartbreaking clientele.
32
00:01:40,718 --> 00:01:41,934
Oh.
33
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:45,137
Well, I have
some work to do, so...
34
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,905
I can't imagine
that would disturb me.
35
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,207
Carry on.
36
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:51,610
Okay.
37
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,862
Wouldn't you be
more comfortable at home?
38
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,952
Not really, no.
39
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,154
All righty then.
40
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,373
Guess I'll just
get started.
41
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,792
Leonard, please. I don't need
the running commentary.
42
00:02:08,077 --> 00:02:11,713
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:15,050
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,701
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
45
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,221
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,890
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:24,576
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,478
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,430
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:31,955
The Big Bang Theory 5x03
The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
Original Air Date on September 29, 2011
51
00:02:31,956 --> 00:02:35,456
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
52
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,721
(sighs softly)
53
00:02:55,158 --> 00:02:56,841
- Amy?
- Yo.
54
00:02:58,416 --> 00:02:59,194
You okay?
55
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:01,095
Oh, sure.
56
00:03:01,896 --> 00:03:04,031
I thought you were reading.
57
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,949
I was.
58
00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:08,702
Now I'm thinking about
what I read.
59
00:03:20,832 --> 00:03:22,232
You all right, Leonard?
60
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,551
You seem very uncomfortable.
61
00:03:24,553 --> 00:03:27,638
I- I'm fine.
62
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,556
Should I go?
63
00:03:29,558 --> 00:03:31,975
I've been told sometimes
I overstay my welcome.
64
00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:35,162
Wha... who told you that?
65
00:03:35,164 --> 00:03:39,566
Well, most recently
my gynecologist.
66
00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:47,307
Well, you stay
as long as you'd like.
67
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:48,859
I'm glad to hear you say that,
68
00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:51,912
because I'm having
a wonderful time.
69
00:03:51,914 --> 00:03:52,996
(chuckles)
70
00:03:52,998 --> 00:03:56,750
I said the same thing
to my gynecologist.
71
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:03,507
What are you going to get
at the train store, Sheldon?
72
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,459
Oh, I'm not
buying anything.
73
00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:07,494
They're having a lecture.
74
00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:09,596
"H-O gauge railroading.
75
00:04:09,598 --> 00:04:13,216
Half the size of O-gauge,
but twice the fun. "
76
00:04:13,218 --> 00:04:16,603
Very controversial topic.
77
00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:18,505
Which side do you come down on?
78
00:04:18,507 --> 00:04:20,607
I'll let you know after tonight.
79
00:04:20,609 --> 00:04:23,310
Unlike some people,
I'm going in with an open mind.
80
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:25,195
Who am I kidding?
81
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:28,348
Of course we all know
it's O-gauge or no gauge.
82
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:32,536
Can you believe grown men sit
around and play with toy trains?
83
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,788
That's pretty big talk
for a man
84
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:38,041
with a closet full of magic
tricks at his mother's house.
85
00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:42,079
First of all, they're not
tricks, they're illusions.
86
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,247
And...
87
00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:46,800
secondly, when we get
married, they're all going up
88
00:04:46,802 --> 00:04:49,636
in the attic so you can have
that closet for clothes.
89
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:52,556
Why would I keep clothes
at your mother's house?
90
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,224
Well, don't think
of it that way.
91
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,376
Once we move in,
it'll be our house.
92
00:04:56,378 --> 00:04:57,844
Is she moving out?
93
00:04:57,846 --> 00:04:59,212
Why would
she move out?
94
00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:00,981
It's her house.
95
00:05:00,983 --> 00:05:03,383
Hang on.
96
00:05:03,385 --> 00:05:06,570
You seriously think I'm going
to live with your mother?
97
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,188
Howard, I think
I can help here.
98
00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:10,824
Yes, Bernadette,
that's exactly what he thinks.
99
00:05:10,826 --> 00:05:11,942
Why not?
100
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,027
It's a great house,
plenty of room,
101
00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:16,113
and if we have kids,
Mom's there to help.
102
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,998
You know, when she tells "The
Three Little Pigs" story,
103
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,785
she actually has hair
on her chinny-chin-chin.
104
00:05:21,787 --> 00:05:24,287
I'm not gonna live
with your mother.
105
00:05:24,289 --> 00:05:27,073
Not now, not ever.
106
00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:30,761
Wow, someone obviously
has some mommy issues.
107
00:05:32,797 --> 00:05:34,414
Raj, take me home.
108
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:36,850
Don't listen to her.
Go to the movie theater.
109
00:05:36,852 --> 00:05:38,218
Take me home now.
110
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:39,186
Movie theater!
111
00:05:39,188 --> 00:05:40,187
(groans)
112
00:05:40,189 --> 00:05:42,722
Okay, everybody
calm down.
113
00:05:42,724 --> 00:05:44,391
There is a simple
solution here.
114
00:05:44,393 --> 00:05:45,976
Raj, take me to the train store,
115
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,278
and then I don't care
what you people do.
116
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,237
How was your shower?
117
00:05:57,239 --> 00:06:00,607
It was good, good.
118
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:03,877
Just out of curiosity, what time
do you usually go to bed?
119
00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,212
Oh, I'm up all night.
120
00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:06,963
I'm like a possum.
121
00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:11,685
Boy, you were not liked
in high school, were you?
122
00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:13,203
Not really.
123
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:15,055
- Is that my yearbook?
- Mm-hmm.
124
00:06:15,057 --> 00:06:17,224
"Dear Leonard,
you're really good at science.
125
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:20,927
Maybe one day you'll come up
with a cure for being a dork. "
126
00:06:20,929 --> 00:06:23,430
Well, it wasn't spray-painting
a lightning bolt
127
00:06:23,432 --> 00:06:26,566
on my briefcase,
I can tell you that.
128
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,984
If it makes you feel any better,
129
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:30,237
the only person who signed
my yearbook was my mother.
130
00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:32,172
- Aw.
- "Dear Amy,
131
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,774
"Self-respect and a hymen
are better than friends and fun.
132
00:06:34,776 --> 00:06:36,109
Love, Mom. "
133
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:40,480
Well, you can add
Jerry's Junction
134
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:42,082
to the list of train stores
135
00:06:42,084 --> 00:06:45,485
Sheldon Cooper will never
set foot in again.
136
00:06:45,487 --> 00:06:48,104
Rough night, Casey Jones?
137
00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:49,873
You don't know
the half of it.
138
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:51,258
It was billed
139
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:54,211
as a lively give-and-take on
the merits of model train sizes.
140
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,763
But it was actually a setup
to intimidate
141
00:06:56,765 --> 00:07:00,350
weak-minded spineless rubes
into buying H-O starter sets.
142
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:01,468
What's in the bag?
143
00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:04,888
I don't want to talk about it.
144
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,774
But it's not a spine,
I'll tell you that.
145
00:07:07,776 --> 00:07:10,443
Well, I had a delightful
evening, Leonard.
146
00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:11,778
We should do this
again sometime.
147
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,813
Ah, sure.
That'd be nice.
148
00:07:13,815 --> 00:07:14,898
Glad to hear it.
149
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,683
I need someone to accompany me
to the wedding
150
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,902
of Dr. Moranelli
and Dr. Gustufson this Friday.
151
00:07:18,904 --> 00:07:20,537
They're kind of
the Brad and Angelina
152
00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:22,522
of the primatology department.
153
00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:23,957
Wouldn't you rather
bring Sheldon?
154
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:27,444
I would, but the last wedding
we went to was a disaster.
155
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,880
He behaved like a child
the entire time.
156
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,214
Not my fault.
157
00:07:31,216 --> 00:07:34,467
You said there'd be
other scientists there my age.
158
00:07:38,222 --> 00:07:39,806
Doesn't matter.
You're out, he's in.
159
00:07:39,808 --> 00:07:42,259
No date to the prom,
two dates to a wedding.
160
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:45,345
Hmm, how times change.
161
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:51,351
(singsongy): Ha-ha, you have
to go to a wedding.
162
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,389
(doorbell rings)
163
00:07:56,391 --> 00:07:57,390
WOLOWITZ:
I'll get it!
164
00:07:57,392 --> 00:07:58,558
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Could you get it?!
165
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,993
I just said
I'm getting it!
166
00:07:59,995 --> 00:08:01,394
Fine, I'll get it!
167
00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:04,030
I got it!
168
00:08:04,865 --> 00:08:06,616
Oh, hi.
169
00:08:06,618 --> 00:08:07,867
Hey.
170
00:08:07,869 --> 00:08:09,336
I don't want to fight.
171
00:08:09,338 --> 00:08:11,454
I was just surprised
when you sprung
172
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:13,340
the whole living-with-your-mom
stuff on me.
173
00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:17,761
Yeah, well, I'm sorry
I didn't run it by you first.
174
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,879
MRS. WOLOWITZ: I don't know who
you're talking to,
175
00:08:19,881 --> 00:08:20,914
but in or out!
176
00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:23,984
We don't need bugs!
177
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:26,186
The bugs
only come here
178
00:08:26,188 --> 00:08:28,388
because you're
their queen!
179
00:08:31,142 --> 00:08:33,443
Listen, how about this.
180
00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,362
Before we make any
kind of decision
181
00:08:35,364 --> 00:08:37,697
about where we live,
we have a trial run.
182
00:08:37,699 --> 00:08:39,699
Stay here for a weekend,
see what it's like.
183
00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:41,701
And your mom would be
okay with that?
184
00:08:41,703 --> 00:08:42,986
Sure she would.
185
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:45,605
Ma, do you mind if Bernadette
stays here this weekend?!
186
00:08:45,607 --> 00:08:48,325
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Hey, if she's willing to
give the milk away for free,
187
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,493
who am I to say no?!
188
00:08:52,747 --> 00:08:55,582
See? She's
good with it.
189
00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:58,117
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Frankly, after all
your sleepovers
190
00:08:58,119 --> 00:09:02,005
with the little brown boy,
a girl is a big relief!
191
00:09:13,474 --> 00:09:16,677
All these years,
I've been so wrong.
192
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:20,714
The tinier the train,
the more concentrated the fun.
193
00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,486
You're a brain scientist.
194
00:09:26,488 --> 00:09:28,555
Can you explain to me
why a brilliant man
195
00:09:28,557 --> 00:09:29,889
likes playing
with toy trains?
196
00:09:29,891 --> 00:09:32,576
Not without cutting
his head open, no.
197
00:09:34,078 --> 00:09:36,496
How about making my
eyes like Cleopatra?
198
00:09:36,498 --> 00:09:38,448
Really? For a wedding?
199
00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:39,783
Perhaps you're right.
200
00:09:39,785 --> 00:09:41,401
My cheekbones and
beckoning pelvis
201
00:09:41,403 --> 00:09:44,037
already have a certain "hello
sailor" quality to them.
202
00:09:45,039 --> 00:09:46,923
Ready.
203
00:09:46,925 --> 00:09:49,426
Aw.
204
00:09:49,428 --> 00:09:51,211
So handsome.
205
00:09:51,213 --> 00:09:53,346
Like James Bond.
206
00:09:53,348 --> 00:09:57,350
He's better than James Bond,
because he's tinier.
207
00:09:58,136 --> 00:10:00,704
I got you this
to give to me.
208
00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:03,940
Oh, sweetie,
guests don't normally
209
00:10:03,942 --> 00:10:05,442
wear corsages to a wedding.
210
00:10:05,444 --> 00:10:06,977
That's more of a prom thing.
211
00:10:06,979 --> 00:10:08,195
I never went to my prom.
212
00:10:08,197 --> 00:10:09,946
My mom paid my cousin
to take me,
213
00:10:09,948 --> 00:10:13,033
but he just used the money
to buy drugs.
214
00:10:13,035 --> 00:10:15,652
Put the corsage on her.
215
00:10:18,526 --> 00:10:20,702
Amy, this is for you.
216
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:24,795
When you're done copping a
feel, that goes on my wrist.
217
00:10:27,948 --> 00:10:29,483
(high-pitched):
All aboard!
218
00:10:29,485 --> 00:10:32,135
Woo-woo!
219
00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:33,837
(normal voice):
It's official.
220
00:10:33,839 --> 00:10:36,223
I'm an H-O trainiac.
221
00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:42,295
So, dinner
went nice.
222
00:10:42,297 --> 00:10:44,147
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
223
00:10:44,149 --> 00:10:48,935
Does your mother always
cut your meat for you?
224
00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:52,272
Only when it's fatty.
225
00:10:53,608 --> 00:10:55,192
Well, don't be jealous, babe.
226
00:10:55,194 --> 00:10:57,577
Someday you'll get to cut it
for me.
227
00:10:57,579 --> 00:10:59,579
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Bernadette!
228
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:03,416
I found the extra head for the
Waterpik if you want to use it!
229
00:11:03,418 --> 00:11:05,752
I'm okay, Mrs. Wolowitz.
230
00:11:05,754 --> 00:11:06,986
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
You sure?!
231
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:10,590
I just squirted half a
brisket outta my teeth!
232
00:11:10,592 --> 00:11:13,426
Hey, Ma, how about
a little privacy?!
233
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:15,662
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Oh, I know what that means!
234
00:11:15,664 --> 00:11:17,464
Hubba-hubba!
235
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:19,666
Oh, God.
236
00:11:19,668 --> 00:11:21,802
Relax, it'll be fine.
237
00:11:21,804 --> 00:11:23,436
Okay.
238
00:11:23,438 --> 00:11:26,139
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Let me know when
you're done canoodling!
239
00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:28,441
Mommy needs a foot rub!
240
00:11:32,063 --> 00:11:34,331
♪ ♪
241
00:11:45,076 --> 00:11:46,877
Would you like to dance?
242
00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:48,295
No, thank you.
243
00:11:48,297 --> 00:11:50,463
I'm really not
much of a dancer.
244
00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:53,333
You're not exactly
winning any trophies
245
00:11:53,335 --> 00:11:55,385
as a conversationalist, either.
246
00:11:57,555 --> 00:12:00,006
I'm sorry.
247
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:01,541
The bride and groom
seem happy.
248
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,376
AMY:
Why shouldn't they be?
249
00:12:03,378 --> 00:12:04,978
They have a feverish night of
250
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:07,097
socially-approved
copulation ahead of them.
251
00:12:09,183 --> 00:12:11,434
In some cultures, we'd stand
outside of their bedroom
252
00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:13,403
cheering as they
achieved orgasm.
253
00:12:13,405 --> 00:12:15,722
That sounds like
a late night,
254
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,608
and I have work in
the morning, so...
255
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,894
Leonard, you may
not have noticed,
256
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:23,363
but I am being
a delight here.
257
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,900
And you're not holding up
your end of the evening.
258
00:12:26,902 --> 00:12:29,502
Oh, sorry. This wedding
just reminds me
259
00:12:29,504 --> 00:12:33,123
of my kinda-sorta girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
260
00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:35,909
I have a kinda-sorta boyfriend
who's playing with a model train
261
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:38,845
right now, you don't hear me
bitching about it.
262
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:44,250
Leonard, a word of advice-
moody self-obsession
263
00:12:44,252 --> 00:12:46,636
is only attractive in men
who can play guitar
264
00:12:46,638 --> 00:12:48,972
and are considerably
taller than you.
265
00:12:48,974 --> 00:12:50,674
I'm not moody.
266
00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:51,942
I'm fun.
267
00:12:51,944 --> 00:12:54,861
You have any evidence
to support that statement?
268
00:12:54,863 --> 00:12:57,697
Well, hey, I'm just as
much fun as you are.
269
00:12:57,699 --> 00:13:00,617
Really? Are you willing to draw
a mustache on your finger
270
00:13:00,619 --> 00:13:03,286
as a conversational icebreaker?
271
00:13:03,288 --> 00:13:06,239
I am.
272
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:10,460
Okay, fine, what
do you suggest?
273
00:13:10,462 --> 00:13:12,445
♪ ♪
274
00:13:12,447 --> 00:13:14,280
We just had a lovely meal,
275
00:13:14,282 --> 00:13:18,051
the band... is on fire...
276
00:13:18,053 --> 00:13:20,119
and you're sitting
next to a beautiful woman
277
00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:21,838
wearing whorish makeup.
278
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:25,124
Why don't we head out
on the dance floor
279
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:27,560
and see if I can sweat
through these dress shields.
280
00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:31,047
Once again, I-I'm really
not much of a dancer.
281
00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:32,565
Don't worry...
282
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:35,185
I'll lead.
283
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:37,437
("The Chicken Dance" playing)
284
00:13:59,543 --> 00:14:02,762
(imitating lightsaber)
285
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,133
Howard?
286
00:14:07,135 --> 00:14:09,886
(imitates lightsaber
turning off)
287
00:14:09,888 --> 00:14:11,521
Ready for bed?
288
00:14:11,523 --> 00:14:13,940
No. I need to brush my teeth,
but your mother's
289
00:14:13,942 --> 00:14:16,175
been in the bathroom
for, like, an hour.
290
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:20,730
Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems
doing her business. Hang on.
291
00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,148
Ma, give up!
292
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:25,118
Tonight's
not your night!
293
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,288
MRS. WOLOWITZ: You don't know that!
I just sat down!
294
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,123
WOLOWITZ:
Come on, take a break!
295
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:32,275
Bernadette needs
to brush her teeth!
296
00:14:32,277 --> 00:14:34,310
MRS. WOLOWITZ: She can come in
and brush her teeth!
297
00:14:34,312 --> 00:14:37,247
I'm not embarrassed!
298
00:14:37,249 --> 00:14:39,549
Problem solved.
299
00:14:41,035 --> 00:14:43,720
No, it's not.
I'm not going in there.
300
00:14:43,722 --> 00:14:44,971
Oh, come on, honey.
301
00:14:44,973 --> 00:14:47,057
She's just sitting in there
reading a magazine.
302
00:14:47,059 --> 00:14:48,258
You can't see anything.
303
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,093
I go in all the time.
304
00:14:50,095 --> 00:14:51,644
(chuckles)
305
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:54,664
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Ha! The eagle has landed!
306
00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:56,833
(toilet flushing)
307
00:14:58,019 --> 00:15:00,737
And we have splashdown.
308
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:02,522
(clears throat)
309
00:15:02,524 --> 00:15:05,775
Wait here, I'm gonna
go light a candle.
310
00:15:05,777 --> 00:15:09,412
And then we make
passionate love.
311
00:15:15,402 --> 00:15:17,003
There we go, last floor.
312
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,755
I just can't figure
out what happened.
313
00:15:18,757 --> 00:15:21,758
I put my left leg in,
I took my left leg out,
314
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:26,129
I put my left leg in, and
something just snapped.
315
00:15:26,131 --> 00:15:28,965
The hokey pokey
is a young man's game.
316
00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:31,434
(chuckles)
I did have a great time.
317
00:15:31,436 --> 00:15:32,769
Thank you for reminding me
318
00:15:32,771 --> 00:15:35,271
it's okay to have fun
once in a while.
319
00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:36,756
You're welcome.
320
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,858
And also for breaking
the head off the ice swan
321
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:40,777
so I could hold it against
my pulled groin.
322
00:15:40,779 --> 00:15:42,479
I excel
323
00:15:42,481 --> 00:15:45,431
at spatial reasoning, and I had
a hunch that the graceful slope
324
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,151
of its neck would cradle
your genitals nicely.
325
00:15:49,286 --> 00:15:52,572
Well, okay.
Again, thank you.
326
00:15:52,574 --> 00:15:55,241
And again, you're welcome.
327
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,495
Want to come in have a cup of tea?
328
00:15:58,497 --> 00:16:00,163
No, thanks.
I'm gonna head home.
329
00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:02,332
'Kay. Well, good night.
330
00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:04,968
Good night.
331
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:13,292
Ames, hi.
How was the wedding?
332
00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:18,314
Great. Until I accidentally made
Leonard fall in love with me.
333
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:22,485
Come in, let's talk.
334
00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:25,939
Do you want a
glass of wine?
335
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:28,408
Wine is one of the reasons
I'm in this fix.
336
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,859
That and this dang pelvis.
337
00:16:32,029 --> 00:16:34,681
Okay, I'm sorry,
what exactly happened?
338
00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:36,933
The inevitable-
he was lonely and vulnerable
339
00:16:36,935 --> 00:16:38,434
from missing his girlfriend,
340
00:16:38,436 --> 00:16:39,652
while I was charming,
341
00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:41,721
supportive and,
let's face it, in this dress,
342
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:45,358
the perfect combination
of Madonna and whore.
343
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,111
Oh, God,
did he make a move on you?
344
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:49,896
No, but it's only
a matter of time.
345
00:16:49,898 --> 00:16:52,582
How could I have not
seen this coming?
346
00:16:52,584 --> 00:16:56,703
Now I'm gonna have to break
the little sad sack's heart.
347
00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:59,455
- Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
- Oh, Penny,
348
00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,342
much as I would treasure
knowing that the two of us had
349
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:04,010
been defiled by the same man,
350
00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:06,012
Leonard just doesn't get
my motor running.
351
00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:11,351
So, um, what are
you gonna do?
352
00:17:11,353 --> 00:17:14,270
Do you want me to talk
to Leonard, let him down easy?
353
00:17:14,272 --> 00:17:16,639
No. I'll let him have tonight.
354
00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:17,724
Then in the morning,
355
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,526
I'll send him an e-mail
letting him know
356
00:17:19,528 --> 00:17:22,111
this body is never
gonna be his wonderland.
357
00:17:23,614 --> 00:17:26,766
I mean, frankly, you've got
a better shot than he does.
358
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:37,944
Leonard.
359
00:17:37,946 --> 00:17:39,412
Check it out.
360
00:17:39,414 --> 00:17:41,614
I bought an N-gauge locomotive.
361
00:17:41,616 --> 00:17:43,716
Half the size of H-O.
362
00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:47,220
Look, it fits in my mouth.
363
00:17:47,222 --> 00:17:49,556
Sounds like you
had a great night.
364
00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:51,624
(muffled):
I did.
365
00:17:51,626 --> 00:17:54,561
- How was yours?
- Not bad. I had a lot more fun
366
00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,295
with Amy than I
thought I would.
367
00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,681
What exact
do you mean by that?
368
00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,266
Well, it turns out
she really knows
369
00:18:00,268 --> 00:18:03,019
how to help a guy loosen up
and have a good time.
370
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:07,023
Although, truth be told, my
groin's a little worse for wear.
371
00:18:07,858 --> 00:18:10,159
Ow!
372
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,746
Why did you do that?
373
00:18:13,748 --> 00:18:17,250
To send a message:
she is not for you.
374
00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:18,651
What?
375
00:18:18,653 --> 00:18:20,003
Not for you!
376
00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:37,601
Good morning, handsome.
377
00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:40,420
Morning, Mom.
378
00:18:41,723 --> 00:18:43,607
It's me.
379
00:18:45,727 --> 00:18:49,429
Yes, it is, and you're
so pretty in the morning.
380
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:53,100
Your mom and I
made you breakfast.
381
00:18:53,102 --> 00:18:54,485
(laughs)
Oh, wow.
382
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:56,704
So you guys are getting along?
383
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,322
Yeah, I guess.
384
00:18:58,324 --> 00:19:00,107
We're very different
people, Howard,
385
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:02,943
so communication's
a little tricky.
386
00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:04,829
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Does he like the pancakes?!
387
00:19:04,831 --> 00:19:07,131
He didn't try them yet!
388
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,285
Is there any butter?
389
00:19:11,287 --> 00:19:13,304
- It's butter-flavored syrup.
- Oh.
390
00:19:13,306 --> 00:19:14,972
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
So, what's the word?!
391
00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:17,224
He wants butter!
392
00:19:18,527 --> 00:19:20,761
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
It's butter-flavored syrup!
393
00:19:20,763 --> 00:19:23,430
I just told him that!
394
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:30,771
I don't need any butter.
395
00:19:30,773 --> 00:19:34,191
If you want butter,
I'll get you butter.
396
00:19:37,696 --> 00:19:39,613
Well, I guess
I'll cut these by myself.
397
00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:43,615
== sync, corrected by elderman ==