1 00:00:06,846 --> 00:00:08,113 What are you doing? 2 00:00:08,148 --> 00:00:09,364 You always use up all the hot water. 3 00:00:09,399 --> 00:00:12,317 I'll be quick. 4 00:00:12,351 --> 00:00:13,719 Okay, I don't want to use the soap 5 00:00:13,753 --> 00:00:15,854 after you've put it all over your business. 6 00:00:15,872 --> 00:00:19,691 There's no such thing as dirty soap. 7 00:00:19,726 --> 00:00:21,146 Okay, now I'm freezing. 8 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,023 Okay, come here. 9 00:00:27,276 --> 00:00:30,853 Okay, okay, I'm drowning! You're water boarding me. 10 00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:32,741 Okay, well, switch places with me... come over here. 11 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,673 - Oh, my God! Ooh! - Oh! 12 00:00:34,707 --> 00:00:37,276 - Here, just turn around with - Okay, I'm-- here. 13 00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:38,777 Hey, get those out of my face! 14 00:00:38,812 --> 00:00:42,542 They're spring-fresh. You have to admit that. 15 00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:46,351 Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience. 16 00:00:46,385 --> 00:00:47,506 You heard me. 17 00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,955 And then they showed up late to the restaurant, 18 00:00:49,989 --> 00:00:51,677 - which was so rude. - Uh-huh. 19 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:55,294 - So I shot them in the face. - Uh-huh. 20 00:00:55,328 --> 00:00:56,795 And then I had sex 21 00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,497 - with their dead bodies. - Uh-huh. 22 00:00:58,531 --> 00:01:01,019 Then I gave birth to a full-grown panda. 23 00:01:01,185 --> 00:01:02,979 - Uh-huh. - Lily! 24 00:01:03,145 --> 00:01:05,357 What? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 25 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,206 I'm trying to find this bartender, Sklaves, 26 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,874 who pops up in different bars every night. 27 00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:10,843 He makes these exotic drinks. 28 00:01:10,877 --> 00:01:13,178 It's like he's not just a bartender... 29 00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:15,848 He's an artist. 30 00:01:15,882 --> 00:01:18,133 So he's got two jobs his parents aren't proud of. 31 00:01:18,184 --> 00:01:19,538 Yeah. 32 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,487 There's a rumor he's gonna be at bar bar tonight, 33 00:01:21,521 --> 00:01:23,088 so I'm just checking Twitter. 34 00:01:23,123 --> 00:01:25,961 Ooh, my friend Gary just had coffee cake. 35 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,559 Hey! 36 00:01:27,594 --> 00:01:28,927 - Hello. - Hi. 37 00:01:28,945 --> 00:01:30,863 I can't stay. I have a date with that architect. 38 00:01:30,897 --> 00:01:31,883 Oh. 39 00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:35,554 Hi, can I have a chardonnay to go? 40 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,035 And can you put it in a sprite can? 41 00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:39,738 'Cause I'm cutting through the park. 42 00:01:39,772 --> 00:01:42,269 I love first dates. There's so much sexy tension. 43 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,575 No, no, no. They're too much work. 44 00:01:43,610 --> 00:01:45,210 I don't want the first date. 45 00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:47,296 I actually want year two. You know? 46 00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:50,402 I want to be able to sleep with my retainer, and fart. 47 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:54,406 Every relationship has to start with the first date. 48 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,657 Alex and I didn't have a first date. 49 00:01:55,823 --> 00:01:56,491 Of course you did. 50 00:01:56,657 --> 00:01:57,789 Uh-uh. No. We met at a bar, 51 00:01:57,807 --> 00:01:59,725 we got drunk, and we slept together. 52 00:01:59,759 --> 00:02:02,914 Wow, I'm a whore. 53 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,830 The first date's the best part, you know. 54 00:02:04,864 --> 00:02:07,465 Like, dressing up, learning about each other. 55 00:02:07,483 --> 00:02:10,047 Not knowing when he's gonna kiss you. Aah! 56 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,674 I thought you were gonna meet me outside. 57 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,973 I'm not gonna let you walk to the car alone. 58 00:02:14,991 --> 00:02:16,325 Plus, there was a very large man outside 59 00:02:16,359 --> 00:02:20,849 with a neck tattoo who asked me if I liked Bonnie Raitt. 60 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,226 Damn, Neal, why are you so dressed up? 61 00:02:23,392 --> 00:02:24,644 I'm taking lily out to dinner. 62 00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,518 Huh. Alex and I went to dinner last night, 63 00:02:26,553 --> 00:02:30,525 and he wore his dressy crocs. 64 00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:34,029 Yeah, well, lily and I haven't totally given up. 65 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,490 Aww. You will. 66 00:02:38,532 --> 00:02:40,999 Ahh. Hi. 67 00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:42,534 - Hey. - Mwah. 68 00:02:42,569 --> 00:02:44,686 [Television off] 69 00:02:44,721 --> 00:02:45,874 Why are you turning it off? 70 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,626 Just 'cause you'll ruin it. 71 00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:52,339 - You know, I was thinking... - Yeah? 72 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,465 Do you remember our first date? 73 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:54,841 Yeah. It was love at first sight. 74 00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:58,386 I was so drunk I could hardly walk. 75 00:02:58,552 --> 00:03:04,184 Yeah, but you looked so hot falling out of that cab. 76 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,958 That's my point, okay? 77 00:03:05,992 --> 00:03:07,659 Do you realize we never had a first date? 78 00:03:07,694 --> 00:03:10,162 We never got to dress up and flirt 79 00:03:10,196 --> 00:03:13,026 and have that sexy tension. 80 00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:14,333 We never had that sexy tension 81 00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:18,031 because we had actual sex. 82 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,438 You know that's way better, right? 83 00:03:19,472 --> 00:03:21,493 Okay... 84 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,787 I want you to take me on a date. 85 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,121 Okay, let's go on a date. 86 00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:26,278 A first date. 87 00:03:26,312 --> 00:03:29,514 And you have to ask me properly. 88 00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:32,117 Uh...Okay. 89 00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:35,674 Uh, would you like to go on a date this evening? 90 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,095 Ooh... 91 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,861 [Inhaling dramatically] 92 00:03:47,935 --> 00:03:50,605 Tonight's not good. I have plans. 93 00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:54,273 Whit, I can see your phone. 94 00:04:01,814 --> 00:04:04,349 - You're playing Angry Birds. - Okay. 95 00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:10,250 Okay, what about tomorrow night? 96 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:15,755 Oh... 97 00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:18,096 I guess I can make tomorrow night work. 98 00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:19,665 But you have to treat it like a real date, 99 00:04:19,699 --> 00:04:22,470 and you have to look nice, and you have to pick me up. 100 00:04:22,636 --> 00:04:24,369 Okay, then you have to treat it like a real date, 101 00:04:24,404 --> 00:04:26,558 and you have to hide the fact that you're insane. 102 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:37,819 - Hi. 103 00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:41,101 Hey. Uh, I gotta grab something real quick. 104 00:04:41,119 --> 00:04:43,116 But this isn't your apartment. 105 00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,956 This is our first date, so not sure what of yours 106 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:48,496 would be in here. 107 00:04:48,662 --> 00:04:51,011 Right. 108 00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:53,163 Well, I forgot my wallet at home, 109 00:04:53,214 --> 00:04:54,815 so can I borrow your roommate's wallet 110 00:04:54,849 --> 00:04:57,005 with my credit cards and I.D. In it? 111 00:04:59,087 --> 00:05:01,676 Wait, you're wearing jeans? I thought we were dressing up. 112 00:05:01,842 --> 00:05:04,179 These are my gojeans. 113 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:06,306 You paido have them hemmed, remember? 114 00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:17,275 Hey... 115 00:05:17,441 --> 00:05:19,440 No. 116 00:05:19,474 --> 00:05:20,779 Put my jacket on for me. 117 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,530 Oh...Okay. 118 00:05:22,696 --> 00:05:24,194 I don't know. 119 00:05:26,998 --> 00:05:28,453 There you go. 120 00:05:31,503 --> 00:05:33,170 - Bend your arm. - Oh. 121 00:05:33,204 --> 00:05:35,322 It's like trying to put a coat on a Christmas tree. 122 00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:38,004 - Come on, get in there. - Okay. God, I'm sorry. Okay. 123 00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,968 This is fun. 124 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,845 Yeah, this is fun. 125 00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:49,266 The last guy I dated never liked going to new places. 126 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,810 Sounds like a guy with a really big penis. 127 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:55,981 What can I get you two this evening? 128 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,941 Ahem. 129 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,158 No! What? No! 130 00:06:07,324 --> 00:06:09,323 - Order for me. - Oh, okay. 131 00:06:09,357 --> 00:06:15,375 Do you have chicken in an anti-psychotic sauce? 132 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,168 Time out. 133 00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:18,920 That's not funny. 134 00:06:19,086 --> 00:06:20,672 And I had chicken for lunch. 135 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:24,092 Time...Time out. You're impossible. 136 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,468 Okay, okay. 137 00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,007 Okay, so yes, she'll have the chicken, 138 00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:28,680 and I'll have the enchiladas. 139 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:32,267 Okay. [Nervous chuckle] 140 00:06:34,432 --> 00:06:37,939 So, uh, where are you from? 141 00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:41,026 Wait, are we still in time out? 142 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,823 Oh, no, no. Sorry. 143 00:06:42,857 --> 00:06:45,492 Uh, time in. 144 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:48,158 Where are you from? 145 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,869 Montana. 146 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:53,413 - What? No, you're not. - Okay, wait. 147 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:54,735 Do you want me to be someone else or not? 148 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:57,404 I don't...And, uh, if I can be someone else, 149 00:06:57,422 --> 00:06:58,572 am I allowed to be Jason Statham? 150 00:06:58,606 --> 00:06:59,961 No! 151 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,125 Be yourself, just pretend we don't know each other yet 152 00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:04,007 'cause it's a first date. You know? 153 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:07,748 Like, tell me a story that I've never heard before. 154 00:07:07,782 --> 00:07:10,083 Oh, and only I can call time outs. 155 00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:12,682 Time in. 156 00:07:12,848 --> 00:07:14,438 Okay, a story you've never heard before. 157 00:07:14,472 --> 00:07:17,524 Okay, uh, this one time, my parents went away 158 00:07:17,559 --> 00:07:21,728 for Christmas vacation, and I had to hold down the fort 159 00:07:21,762 --> 00:07:25,111 and beat these two crooks that tried to break in the house. 160 00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:28,323 Oh--is it--are you just saying home alone? 161 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,991 I love that movie. I love...I love that movie. 162 00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:31,576 Why would you--what? 163 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,707 Don't you want to ask about me? 164 00:07:37,873 --> 00:07:39,542 I'm good. I googled you. 165 00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:45,485 Ugh, I'm so full. 166 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,761 I begged that guy to stop bringing us chips. 167 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:53,264 Time out. Would you really do that on a first date? 168 00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:54,361 I don't know. 169 00:07:54,395 --> 00:07:56,851 And how many time outs do you get? 170 00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:58,186 Fine. 171 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:00,484 [Silly voice] I had a lovely date 172 00:08:00,518 --> 00:08:04,984 with you this evening, madam! 173 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,340 You're mocking me. Okay, 174 00:08:06,374 --> 00:08:08,113 you haven't taken tonight seriously at all. 175 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,864 Only because this is ridiculous. 176 00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:13,113 Well, if I'm so ridiculous, 177 00:08:13,147 --> 00:08:17,122 then good night. 178 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:21,054 [Door latch locks] 179 00:08:21,089 --> 00:08:23,753 - Whit, I'm still out here. - I know. 180 00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:25,463 You think maybe I could come in? 181 00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:28,562 I don't sleep with guys on the first date. 182 00:08:28,596 --> 00:08:31,302 Not that kind of girl. 183 00:08:31,468 --> 00:08:33,221 Yeah, you are. 184 00:08:36,473 --> 00:08:37,704 [Knock on door] 185 00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,477 What's up, buttercup? 186 00:08:43,511 --> 00:08:45,312 Hey, can I hang in here for a bit? 187 00:08:45,346 --> 00:08:46,609 Whit won't let me in the apartment. 188 00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:49,366 - You broke up? - No, we're seeing other people. 189 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,533 But the other people are us. 190 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:56,161 Listen, it is okay, man. 191 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,996 Everyone breaks up eventually. 192 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,994 We are not meant to be with one person for that long. 193 00:09:01,028 --> 00:09:03,380 Three years, I mean... 194 00:09:03,414 --> 00:09:06,296 You want to have pizza every night for three years? 195 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,007 Yeah, actually. 196 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,470 Okay, bad example. 197 00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:12,802 The same vagina? 198 00:09:14,842 --> 00:09:16,009 So this feels like a good time 199 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,725 to ask you to put a shirt on. 200 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,393 All right. 201 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,979 So what happened? 202 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,106 Whit asked me to take her out on a first date, 203 00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:27,020 and I kind of acted like a jerk about it. 204 00:09:27,054 --> 00:09:28,568 And now I actually kind of feel bad. 205 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:32,275 Playing games. I like it. 206 00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:33,907 Saucy little minx. 207 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,898 So she wants you to play "first date"? 208 00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:39,746 Play first date! 209 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,970 So what am I supposed to do? I don't know the rules. 210 00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:44,209 You don't need rules. 211 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,086 You've got the cheat codes right here. 212 00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:48,838 The first move is no move. 213 00:09:49,004 --> 00:09:51,549 That's not anything, mark. 214 00:09:51,715 --> 00:09:54,802 So what would you do if thwere a first date? 215 00:09:54,968 --> 00:09:56,183 I don't know. I mean, I suppose I would 216 00:09:56,217 --> 00:09:57,551 wait a day to call her. 217 00:09:57,585 --> 00:09:58,556 I mean, I don't want to seem pathetic. 218 00:09:58,722 --> 00:10:02,560 That's the no-move move. 219 00:10:02,726 --> 00:10:04,358 If you call her now, 220 00:10:04,392 --> 00:10:06,940 she might get pissed that you're not playing along. 221 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,528 Yeah, yeah, okay. All right. 222 00:10:08,563 --> 00:10:10,063 You know what, then I'm gonna treat this like a real date, 223 00:10:10,098 --> 00:10:11,277 and I'm not gonna call her till tomorrow. 224 00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:14,739 If you ca at all. 225 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,432 And he did, like, a bow. 226 00:10:17,466 --> 00:10:19,077 I mean, he didn't take it seriously at all. 227 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,369 And he made fun of me, so I shut the door in his face, 228 00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,164 and he slept God knows where. 229 00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:24,540 Downstairs at mark's. 230 00:10:24,706 --> 00:10:26,675 Well, obviously. 231 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,379 But I like to think he suffered somewhere out in the rain. 232 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,632 But it hasn't... 233 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,801 Okay, it was an emotional rain. 234 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,803 All right, so are you still playing the game or not? 235 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,097 I'm not 100% sure. 236 00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,432 - But I'm not giving in. - So what's the plan? 237 00:10:41,598 --> 00:10:44,426 The plan is he's gonna call and apologize. 238 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,061 And, you know, we're gonna go out again, 239 00:10:46,095 --> 00:10:47,689 and this time he's gonna do it right, 240 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,265 and the sexual tension is gonna build 241 00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:51,866 until we burst through that door 242 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,435 just tearing at each other's clothes. 243 00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:55,236 We're not even gonna make it to the bedroom. 244 00:10:55,271 --> 00:10:56,604 We're just gonna, like, destroy the couch, 245 00:10:56,638 --> 00:10:57,772 and the couch is gonna be, like, "back off, 246 00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:58,823 that's what beds are for." 247 00:10:58,858 --> 00:10:59,824 And I'm gonna be, like, "suck it, couch. 248 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,042 "I got you at Ikea. 249 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,246 Stop pretending you're all Ethan Allen!" 250 00:11:05,614 --> 00:11:06,981 Okay. When's he gonna call 251 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,167 to get this whole thing rolling? 252 00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:12,588 Oh, pbbbt! Any...Minute. 253 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:23,141 Whit, has this window seat ever been...Bad? 254 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,967 Oh, Valentine's day. 255 00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:27,312 It learned its lesson. 256 00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:44,954 - Okay, plan "b," why don't I call him? 257 00:11:44,989 --> 00:11:46,414 Both: No! 258 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,874 We can run for president, 259 00:11:47,925 --> 00:11:50,293 but we still can't call a guy after the first date. 260 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,919 Amazing. 261 00:11:52,085 --> 00:11:53,513 Hey, maybe his phone died. 262 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,498 Maybe he dropped his phone. 263 00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:57,717 In a quarry. 264 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,320 Maybe he likes you too much. He's afraid to get too close. 265 00:12:00,354 --> 00:12:02,055 You know what, none of these are true. 266 00:12:02,106 --> 00:12:03,723 These are lies we tell ourselves 267 00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:05,608 to rationalize why guys aren't calling us. 268 00:12:05,643 --> 00:12:07,393 But you know what, I can play games too. 269 00:12:07,444 --> 00:12:09,062 I once dated identical twins 270 00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:13,024 while pretending to be identical twins. 271 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:16,319 Yes, yes. Games. I'm liking it. 272 00:12:16,353 --> 00:12:18,037 You should update your Facebook status 273 00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:19,239 to make him jealous. 274 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:23,034 "Whitney is on Jason's yacht, topless." 275 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:28,631 Okay, in the unlikely event that that doesn't work... 276 00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:29,916 I don't know, just-- just think! 277 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,235 What did you used to do after a first date, 278 00:12:32,269 --> 00:12:33,336 back when you were single? 279 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,004 Oh, I would dress up slutty 280 00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:36,339 and try to run into him somewhere. 281 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,632 - Okay, let's make that happen. - Okay. 282 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,976 Oh, he always goes to get coffee at, like, 4:00, 283 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:43,179 so he'll probably be in our lobby. 284 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:45,306 So you're gonna stalk a man you already live with? 285 00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:46,641 - Of course. - Absolutely. 286 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:49,143 Just making sure. 287 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,745 Whoa... 288 00:13:07,911 --> 00:13:08,904 Don't fall out of your dress. 289 00:13:08,923 --> 00:13:10,607 You've been on one date with this girl. 290 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,250 Play the game! 291 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:13,960 Got it. 292 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,007 Hey. 293 00:13:20,173 --> 00:13:22,677 Hey. 294 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,387 What's up? 295 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,756 Nothing. You know, just, uh... 296 00:13:26,774 --> 00:13:29,016 Been super busy. 297 00:13:29,182 --> 00:13:31,261 Oh, yeah. Me too. 298 00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:34,772 Things have been uber cray-cray. 299 00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:38,651 Yeah, well, uh, I should probably, uh... 300 00:13:38,702 --> 00:13:40,069 I should probably bounce. 301 00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:41,988 Oh, yeah. Me too. 302 00:13:42,039 --> 00:13:44,657 I got all this mail, 303 00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:48,211 and pottery barn is blowin' me up. 304 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,203 Mm. 305 00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:52,649 Is that your shoe? 306 00:13:52,683 --> 00:13:57,003 Oh, no. I don't know what that is. 307 00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,924 Late! 308 00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:04,677 Hey, man. I played it cool. 309 00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:07,430 I committed 100% to the first date thing. 310 00:14:07,464 --> 00:14:08,681 I barely even talked to her. 311 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,400 Good. That's the attitude you gotta have 312 00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,561 now that you're single. 313 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,321 Women are trickier now. 314 00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:17,073 You know, a lot of them have confidence 315 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,908 because they make their own money. 316 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:22,195 So you gotta be super-mean to 'em. 317 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:26,491 What happened? 318 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,659 I feel like it went pretty well. 319 00:14:28,825 --> 00:14:30,161 You acted like a complete moron? 320 00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:32,497 Yes, I did. How'd you know that? 321 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,123 It's like a rule that after a date 322 00:14:34,158 --> 00:14:35,725 you have to completely embarrass yourself. 323 00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:37,060 After my first date with Neal, 324 00:14:37,094 --> 00:14:38,336 I threw up in his aquarium. 325 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,087 Neal has an aquarium? 326 00:14:40,253 --> 00:14:43,007 Not anymore. 327 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,834 Listen, you forgot that on a first date, 328 00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:46,052 you have all the power. 329 00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:47,512 But after that, the guy has it. 330 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,890 I might have said "uber cray-cray." 331 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,851 - Eww. - Oh, that hurts my feelings. 332 00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:56,979 So I heard you had to go on a first date. 333 00:14:57,145 --> 00:15:00,107 Yeah. And I nailed it. 334 00:15:00,273 --> 00:15:03,903 Living with mark is nailing it? 335 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:07,790 Yeah. 336 00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:09,242 So what's your next play? 337 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,910 All right, here's what I'm gonna do. 338 00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:13,028 I'm gonna text her to let her know I'm thinking about her. 339 00:15:13,047 --> 00:15:16,249 But I'm gonna play it cool. All right? 340 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,736 [Muttering] 341 00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:23,798 Wrote "yo." 342 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,800 - No. - Nailed it! 343 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,177 Ha! It's Alex. 344 00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:32,081 He wrote "yo." 345 00:15:32,116 --> 00:15:34,350 Why did he write "yo"? 346 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:38,020 Mm, he probably meant to send a text to 1992. 347 00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:40,089 [Cell phone vibrates] I don't know, 348 00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:41,824 but Sklaves is gonna be bartending 349 00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,225 at black market tonight. 350 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,894 We have to go. 351 00:15:44,912 --> 00:15:46,487 You know what, fine. 352 00:15:46,653 --> 00:15:47,563 I am not gonna wait around here 353 00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:49,031 for my boyfriend to call me, 354 00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:51,534 'cause I have a little something called dignity. 355 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,670 Okay, Whit, as long as you're on that dignity train, 356 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,581 you might want to change. 357 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,457 You look like hello kitty's slutty sister. 358 00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:05,481 - Ahh... - Ooh, what is this? 359 00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:08,301 These are the amazing maple Martinis. Cheers. 360 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:13,055 - Oh! - No. 361 00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:16,642 This is the greatest drink I've ever had. 362 00:16:16,808 --> 00:16:19,112 There's no way this place has better burgers 363 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,271 than greasy Rick's. 364 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,465 But this place has 100% less band-aids 365 00:16:22,499 --> 00:16:24,358 in their meat. 366 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,908 Oh, my God, you guys! He's here. 367 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,243 - Who? - Alex. Can you believe it? 368 00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:37,371 No way. Crazy. 369 00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:39,749 Oh, my God! He just looked over here. 370 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,542 I'm gonna go say hi. 371 00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:43,285 No, that's desperate. Let's go dance. 372 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,463 - Alex will love it. - Come on. 373 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:46,856 Nope. You guys go ahead. 374 00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:50,301 I'm an adult. 375 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,844 [Dance music] 376 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,796 Okay, dance sexy. 377 00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:57,600 ♪ ♪ 378 00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,352 No, no, I said dance sexy. 379 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:07,401 ♪ ♪ 380 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:08,611 He's looking over here. 381 00:17:08,645 --> 00:17:10,905 Oh, my God! He totally is. 382 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,081 - We should make out. - What? 383 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,199 Yeah, girls do that now. 384 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:14,116 Guys are super into it. 385 00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:16,719 I know. I watch VH1. 386 00:17:16,753 --> 00:17:18,204 Okay. Okay, on three. 387 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,656 - Okay. - Ready? Okay. One, two, three. 388 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,959 - Okay, no, I'm gonna go right. - Okay, I'll go 389 00:17:22,993 --> 00:17:24,494 - to my right. - Right. Ready? 390 00:17:24,528 --> 00:17:26,671 One, two, three. 391 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,130 [Laughs] Stop! 392 00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:29,924 - Focus! Focus! - I'm sorry. 393 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,267 Okay. Blah! Okay. 394 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,969 One, two--ooh! 395 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,013 Mobile upload! 396 00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:40,935 Lil, what the hell was that? 397 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,854 - What? - I went to Vassar. 398 00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:47,274 - Where'd he go? - I'll go look for him. 399 00:17:55,448 --> 00:17:57,126 Oh, my God! [Nervous chuckle] 400 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,869 - Hi. - Hi. 401 00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:01,831 Nothing! Hi. 402 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,126 Can I sit here, or are you waiting for your girlfriend? 403 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:08,295 That's not serious. 404 00:18:08,461 --> 00:18:09,338 - Hi. - Hey. 405 00:18:09,373 --> 00:18:10,798 Can I get you two anything? 406 00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,642 Yeah, I'll have a Jack and coke, 407 00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,678 and then she'll have a vodka soda with a splash of lime. 408 00:18:15,712 --> 00:18:17,280 Okay. Be right back. 409 00:18:17,314 --> 00:18:18,305 Thanks. 410 00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:20,808 You look great. 411 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:24,645 Really? It's just a shirt. 412 00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:26,188 Well, it's working. 413 00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:29,275 Oh, sorry. It's, like, freezing in here. 414 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:30,826 Oh, here, take my jacket. 415 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,828 Oh. 416 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,786 Thanks. 417 00:18:45,832 --> 00:18:47,209 You did a good thing tonight. 418 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,170 They never would have worked this out on their own. 419 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,098 Why is everyone else so bad at love? 420 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,966 I don't know. 421 00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:57,353 And, hon, it's okay to admit it. 422 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,637 These drinks are awful. 423 00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:01,390 They are. 424 00:19:01,424 --> 00:19:04,727 I just feel like I've put so much time into this. 425 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,187 Hello, Roxanne. 426 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:09,565 Mark. 427 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,693 You want to see a video of two girls making out? 428 00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:17,865 Yeah, all right. 429 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:19,325 So the guy's scolding his parrot. 430 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,534 He's, like, "not your nammy name." 431 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:21,911 It's like, dude, what's it matter? 432 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:25,164 You're gonna get your coffee anyway. 433 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,042 What are you--what? 434 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,544 Uh, you have an eyelash. 435 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:37,384 Can I kiss you? 436 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:40,763 Sure. Yeah. I mean, if you want. 437 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:56,946 You know, I know that we barely know each other, 438 00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,349 and this might sound kinda... 439 00:20:00,384 --> 00:20:04,078 Cray-cray... 440 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:07,623 But do you want to come back to my apartment 441 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,250 and, uh... 442 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,877 Meet my dog? 443 00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:15,548 You have a dog? 444 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,425 Sure. 445 00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:36,944 Ah, sorry, couch. I warned you. 446 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:39,321 This is the best second date I've ever been on. 447 00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,491 Wait, wait, wait. 448 00:20:42,657 --> 00:20:46,078 Just so you know, I'm a virgin. 449 00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:52,042 Whit, I love you, but that's just crazy talk. 450 00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:55,129 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com