1
00:00:04,022 --> 00:00:05,606
The Simpsons? Wha...!
2
00:00:09,995 --> 00:00:11,662
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:18,018
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:21,872
(Barney belches)
5
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
7
00:00:30,148 --> 00:00:31,248
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:38,539
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:39,758 --> 00:00:42,576
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:43,594 --> 00:00:44,461
(tires screeching)
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00:00:46,615 --> 00:00:47,681
D'oh!
12
00:00:47,749 --> 00:00:48,599
(tires screeching)
13
00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:55,990
Beer!
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00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,292
(assorted cartoon sound effects)
15
00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:01,879
God, I love to watch
that woman get beer.
16
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(fart)
(laughing)
17
00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:14,791
You little...!
18
00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:17,494
(blubbering)
19
00:01:17,562 --> 00:01:19,346
D'oh!
20
00:01:19,431 --> 00:01:21,298
(contented blubbering)
21
00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:25,323
♪ The Simpsons 23x02 ♪
Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
Original Air Date on October 2, 2011
22
00:01:25,324 --> 00:01:29,324
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
23
00:01:35,818 --> 00:01:39,821
They always come up with such
catchy ways to make us pay
24
00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:42,958
for things we don't need
for kids we didn't want.
25
00:01:49,198 --> 00:01:53,235
Wow-- the gym ropes
are seaweed,
26
00:01:53,302 --> 00:01:56,171
the basketball nets
are fishing nets...
27
00:01:57,774 --> 00:01:59,274
Yarr! Just plastic.
28
00:01:59,342 --> 00:02:02,310
Which is healthier
than what you find in the ocean.
29
00:02:02,378 --> 00:02:05,630
Buy a Springfield Elementary
T-shirt?
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00:02:05,698 --> 00:02:08,600
I don't want people to know my
kids go to this lousy school.
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00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:11,770
We also have T-shirts from
other schools.
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MARGE:
Ooh!
33
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:15,490
We can wear those
to the nice mall.
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00:02:15,558 --> 00:02:18,727
(grunting)
35
00:02:20,530 --> 00:02:24,683
And now it's time for lights,
camera, auction! (chuckles)
36
00:02:24,751 --> 00:02:26,585
No cameras.
37
00:02:26,669 --> 00:02:28,587
Ooh, first item up for bid
is always a favorite,
38
00:02:28,654 --> 00:02:29,588
lunch with Principal Skinner.
39
00:02:31,307 --> 00:02:33,959
I'll just leave the food on your
doorstep and ring the bell.
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00:02:35,194 --> 00:02:36,778
Moving on.
41
00:02:36,846 --> 00:02:39,581
Next up for auction is this
wonderful bench hand-crafted
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00:02:39,632 --> 00:02:41,082
by our second-grade class.
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00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,617
Don't buy it.
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00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:45,020
I bought one last year and
it was crap construction.
45
00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:46,154
Shh.
46
00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:48,240
Do I hear $50?
47
00:02:50,193 --> 00:02:51,676
Paddles down.
48
00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:53,512
It's the only way
to change the system.
49
00:02:53,579 --> 00:02:56,448
(phone ringing)
50
00:02:56,532 --> 00:02:57,883
Hello?
51
00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,417
Calling from England?
52
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,920
Certainly I can put you
on speakerphone.
53
00:03:01,988 --> 00:03:03,822
(Bart in British lady's voice):
I am Edith Knickertwist,
54
00:03:03,890 --> 00:03:05,090
an eccentric widow.
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00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:08,527
For this masterpiece, I bid
56
00:03:08,594 --> 00:03:10,662
$1,000.
57
00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:11,680
(all gasping)
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00:03:11,747 --> 00:03:13,048
Sold.
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00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:15,183
To the mysterious and unverified
Mrs. Knickertwist.
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00:03:15,251 --> 00:03:17,002
Next item:
our school band will play
61
00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,904
at a function of your choice.
62
00:03:18,971 --> 00:03:21,406
I bid $4,000.
63
00:03:21,474 --> 00:03:23,675
Well, it looks like
our model solar-system
64
00:03:23,743 --> 00:03:24,810
will finally get an Earth.
65
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:33,568
And that concludes
tonight's auction,
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00:03:33,636 --> 00:03:38,306
which has raised a school
record $116,000.
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00:03:38,374 --> 00:03:39,641
(cheering)
68
00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:41,593
And our windfall is all thanks
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00:03:41,661 --> 00:03:43,912
to our dear new friend
on the phone.
70
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,014
'Allo, luvs!
71
00:03:46,082 --> 00:03:49,117
Mm. I've got a bad feeling
about this.
72
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:51,219
I'm Mrs. Knickertwist.
73
00:03:51,287 --> 00:03:54,356
And I've had a proper
hardy-har at your expense.
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00:03:54,423 --> 00:03:55,874
(laughs)
75
00:03:55,942 --> 00:03:59,528
Why do I believe everything
I hear in a British accent?
76
00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:04,199
He has thrust upon us
the motley of the tomfool.
77
00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:06,034
I wore this all night
for nothing?
78
00:04:06,102 --> 00:04:07,969
(groans)
79
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:08,970
(angry muttering)
80
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:14,943
Mr. Simpson, I know you're not
one of our wealthier parents,
81
00:04:15,011 --> 00:04:17,045
but surely you'll honor
your son's enormous debt.
82
00:04:17,113 --> 00:04:18,930
Why, of course.
83
00:04:18,998 --> 00:04:22,317
Even if I don't have a
legal obligation to pay,
84
00:04:22,385 --> 00:04:24,035
it's clearly the right
thing to do.
85
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,205
Here's $1,000,
86
00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:31,276
$2,000, $3,000...
87
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:33,211
Oh, I need more cash.
88
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,463
Better go to my invisible ATM.
89
00:04:35,531 --> 00:04:37,699
(humming tune)
90
00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,418
What? Two dollar charge
for non-network bank?
91
00:04:40,486 --> 00:04:42,287
Oh!
(dejected): Oh.
92
00:04:42,355 --> 00:04:43,989
CHALMERS (bellowing):
Skin-ner!
93
00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:45,624
Yes, sir?
94
00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:48,159
I was very pleased with
your work last night.
95
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,194
Really?
96
00:04:49,262 --> 00:04:50,445
Nope. Fooled again.
97
00:04:50,513 --> 00:04:52,013
I'd say you're dumb as a post,
98
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:54,349
but at least you can put
a sign on a post
99
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,701
that says "fresh
strawberries-- one mile."
100
00:04:56,769 --> 00:04:58,970
You are a nitwit
in an ill-fitting suit.
101
00:04:59,038 --> 00:05:00,855
I'll have you know
I'm lop-shouldered.
102
00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:02,140
I'm sorry, what did you say?
103
00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:04,859
I said, I'm lop-shouldered.
104
00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:07,112
And I have been since
I was hung by my armpits
105
00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,496
in a North Vietnamese prison.
106
00:05:08,564 --> 00:05:10,632
I... I didn't know that.
107
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,901
Oh, the list of things
you don't know could fill
108
00:05:12,969 --> 00:05:14,486
a week's worth of morning
announcements,
109
00:05:14,553 --> 00:05:16,454
with enough left over
for a send-home flyer.
110
00:05:16,522 --> 00:05:18,906
There's no need for
hyperbole, Seymour.
111
00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:20,875
If you think it's so easy
to handle Bart Simpson,
112
00:05:20,927 --> 00:05:21,927
why don't you do
it yourself?
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00:05:22,011 --> 00:05:23,878
(cheering)
114
00:05:23,946 --> 00:05:26,014
You tell him, Seymour.
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00:05:26,081 --> 00:05:28,416
As some guy said to some
dude with a beard,
116
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:30,552
"Death to tyrants."
117
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:31,987
You mean Booth
and Lincoln?
118
00:05:32,054 --> 00:05:34,556
I'm not the history teacher.
119
00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:36,157
Anymore.
120
00:05:36,225 --> 00:05:39,878
Fine. I will personally take
over Bart Simpson's education--
121
00:05:39,946 --> 00:05:43,648
and for once, that boy's
going to learn something.
122
00:05:43,716 --> 00:05:47,152
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm expecting an important call
123
00:05:47,219 --> 00:05:49,955
and cell phone coverage
in here is, uh, spotty.
124
00:05:51,173 --> 00:05:54,042
Oh, nicely done, Seymour.
125
00:05:54,109 --> 00:05:56,711
I guess there's some stones
in your leaf bag after all.
126
00:05:56,779 --> 00:05:58,346
While I'm on a roll,
I'm gonna call
127
00:05:58,414 --> 00:05:59,848
that carpet cleaning service
128
00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:02,067
and tell them our hallway
doesn't count as a room.
129
00:06:04,537 --> 00:06:06,905
Hello, is André there?
130
00:06:06,973 --> 00:06:08,974
Oh, yes, I'll hold.
131
00:06:12,044 --> 00:06:15,246
I know I can superintend--
superintend like the wind--
132
00:06:15,314 --> 00:06:16,481
but teach?
133
00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:17,816
It's been years.
134
00:06:17,883 --> 00:06:21,436
And we both know how that went,
don't we, Gary?
135
00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:26,708
So, you are the so-called
Breakfast Club.
136
00:06:26,776 --> 00:06:28,476
Wrong room.
We're the Fight Club.
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00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:32,080
♪ Don't you ♪
138
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:35,050
♪ Forget about me ♪
139
00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,936
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪
140
00:06:38,004 --> 00:06:39,871
♪ Don't you... ♪
141
00:06:39,955 --> 00:06:43,158
Thank God they never went on
to do anything since.
142
00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:48,396
So, Simpson, you'll be
studying with me now.
143
00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:50,565
Same garbage,
different Dumpster.
144
00:06:50,633 --> 00:06:54,102
We'll start with
American history.
145
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:56,438
Now, I'm sure you know
who these gentlemen are.
146
00:06:56,505 --> 00:06:59,474
BART: Dollar bill guy,
five dollar bill guy,
147
00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:02,143
sex guy,
Will Ferrell, black guy.
148
00:07:02,211 --> 00:07:03,178
(sighs)
149
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:10,268
Bart, what if I told you
there was a president
150
00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:11,903
who was an actual cowboy?
151
00:07:11,971 --> 00:07:14,372
I'd act like I'm interested,
but inside I'd be bored.
152
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,158
That's as good a place
to start as any.
153
00:07:17,209 --> 00:07:18,793
THEODORE ROOSEVELT:
...great fundamental issue
154
00:07:18,861 --> 00:07:20,745
now before our people...
155
00:07:22,631 --> 00:07:25,667
...can be stated briefly.
156
00:07:25,718 --> 00:07:29,070
It is, are the American people
fit to govern themselves,
157
00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:31,339
to rule themselves,
to control themselves.
158
00:07:31,390 --> 00:07:35,693
I believe they are.
My opponents do not.
159
00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:38,696
Hey, this Roosevelt guy
was sort of interesting.
160
00:07:38,764 --> 00:07:40,965
Did you know he was
a colonel in the army?
161
00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:42,834
You don't say.
162
00:07:42,902 --> 00:07:46,237
And one time, during a speech,
he was shot by a saloon-keeper,
163
00:07:46,305 --> 00:07:49,791
but Teddy finished his speech
before heading to the hospital.
164
00:07:49,859 --> 00:07:52,427
Aha! I'm mad at you
for some reason.
165
00:08:02,054 --> 00:08:05,423
TOWNSFOLK (chanting):
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy...
166
00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:08,576
I've never said this before,
but I'd like to learn more.
167
00:08:17,472 --> 00:08:20,372
Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed
more Spaniards in one day
168
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:22,307
than most people do
in their whole lives.
169
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,643
You know,
I hate to say this, Bart,
170
00:08:24,711 --> 00:08:26,512
but the library is
about to close.
171
00:08:26,579 --> 00:08:27,913
Really?
172
00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:30,049
I wanted to learn more
about trust busting.
173
00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:31,583
Take that, Standard Oil.
174
00:08:31,651 --> 00:08:33,836
Tomorrow, son.
Tomorrow.
175
00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:35,904
Well, I've learned
a lot today.
176
00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:38,891
Now, to go home and let TV
slowly rot it all away.
177
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,576
Eh-eh-eh.
Not so fast.
178
00:08:40,643 --> 00:08:43,645
Teddy Roosevelt believed
you could learn from books.
179
00:08:43,713 --> 00:08:45,547
But he also believed
you can learn
180
00:08:45,615 --> 00:08:47,549
just as much from
the out-of-doors.
181
00:08:47,617 --> 00:08:50,219
I thought teachers only went
outdoors to smoke and cry.
182
00:08:50,286 --> 00:08:52,054
Yes.
183
00:08:52,122 --> 00:08:55,891
Son, have you ever seen a horse
your father wasn't betting on?
184
00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:56,892
No, sir.
185
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:57,893
Come with me.
186
00:08:58,962 --> 00:09:01,697
(Chalmers laughing heartily)
187
00:09:01,765 --> 00:09:03,115
(whinnying)
188
00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:06,118
So, Bart, what have
you learned so far?
189
00:09:06,169 --> 00:09:08,370
Well, when horses poop,
they don't stop.
190
00:09:08,455 --> 00:09:10,706
They just keep walking.
Yes, yes.
191
00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,875
Well, here's another
fun fact for you.
192
00:09:12,959 --> 00:09:15,327
All around you is
a national park
193
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,463
created by Teddy Roosevelt.
194
00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:18,764
Mm!
195
00:09:18,832 --> 00:09:20,432
Wow!
196
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,068
And here I thought
God created all this.
197
00:09:23,136 --> 00:09:24,570
Thanks for
setting me straight.
198
00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:26,238
Well, wait, I didn't
mean that.
199
00:09:26,306 --> 00:09:29,341
You've filled my head with
horse poop and atheism.
200
00:09:29,409 --> 00:09:31,577
And all these years,
I thought I was unteachable.
201
00:09:31,644 --> 00:09:33,078
Let's stop talking now.
202
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:38,183
"A man who is good enough to
shed his blood for the country
203
00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:41,587
is good enough to be given
a square deal afterwards."
204
00:09:41,654 --> 00:09:43,822
Just quoting our 26th
president, Lise.
205
00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:45,591
You could use a little
T.R. in your life.
206
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:46,892
Please.
207
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,394
I went through my T.R.
phase in first grade.
208
00:09:49,462 --> 00:09:52,865
Now I realize that the greatest
Roosevelt is Franklin.
209
00:09:52,932 --> 00:09:54,299
Balderdash!
210
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,702
Teddy Roosevelt protected
America's wildlife.
211
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,871
Yeah, so he could
shoot it himself.
212
00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:00,439
Franklin Roosevelt
led this country
213
00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:02,424
through the Depression
and World War II.
214
00:10:02,492 --> 00:10:03,592
Face on a dime!
215
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,527
Face on a mountain!
216
00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:08,897
I hated the "Roosie-velts"
and all them family dynasties.
217
00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:13,502
The Kennedys, the Bushes,
Jon Voigt and Angelina Jolie,
218
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:16,572
Mayor Daley and his smart-ass
son, the Daily Show.
219
00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:18,540
That's a lot
of anger, Grampa.
220
00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:20,742
Well, I like Stephen Colbert,
221
00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:22,444
but that's because
I don't get the joke.
222
00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:26,014
And on July 1st, 1898,
223
00:10:26,082 --> 00:10:29,184
Colonel Theodore Roosevelt
and his band of Rough Riders
224
00:10:29,252 --> 00:10:31,787
charged up San Juan Hill
and liberated Cuba.
225
00:10:31,855 --> 00:10:34,573
Cuba si!
Castro no!
226
00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:37,860
I love Teddy Roosevelt because
he had asthma as a boy.
227
00:10:37,927 --> 00:10:40,329
I love him because
he said, "Bully."
228
00:10:40,396 --> 00:10:41,730
The dude really knew
229
00:10:41,798 --> 00:10:43,565
how to rock some jodhpurs.
230
00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:46,535
Hey, maybe Chalmers would let
you guys sit in on our lessons.
231
00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:48,604
After me, men.
232
00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:50,239
(chanting):
Bully-bully-bully-bully-bully!
233
00:10:51,674 --> 00:10:54,810
I'd be glad to have you boys
234
00:10:54,878 --> 00:10:57,095
join our experiment
in manly education.
235
00:10:59,232 --> 00:11:01,700
The fact is,
today's modern schools
236
00:11:01,768 --> 00:11:03,402
have completely failed you.
237
00:11:03,469 --> 00:11:04,736
School failed me?
238
00:11:04,804 --> 00:11:08,090
Does school have
to go to summer Jimbo?
239
00:11:08,158 --> 00:11:09,124
(groans, sighs)
240
00:11:09,192 --> 00:11:10,726
Look at him, boys.
241
00:11:10,793 --> 00:11:13,779
He is the canary in the
coal mine of a dying empire.
242
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:17,149
You're in my coal mine
now, bitches!
243
00:11:17,217 --> 00:11:18,450
Yeah.
244
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,586
Boys are falling behind
in every subject,
245
00:11:20,653 --> 00:11:24,656
because our classrooms are
entirely geared towards girls!
246
00:11:24,724 --> 00:11:28,710
It's all about feelings,
and celebrating differences.
247
00:11:28,778 --> 00:11:31,480
But I loved reading
It's Cool to Cry!
248
00:11:31,548 --> 00:11:32,948
Well, it's not cool to cry!
249
00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:34,750
(sobs)
250
00:11:34,817 --> 00:11:37,452
Boys need to explore!
Build things!
251
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,205
Wreck those things!
And then build them again!
252
00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:42,808
Our first lesson begins
this Saturday,
253
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:46,595
with an overnight trip
to Springfield Forest.
254
00:11:46,663 --> 00:11:49,398
Legend has it that Teddy
Roosevelt visited the forest
255
00:11:49,465 --> 00:11:52,467
and lost a pair
of his trademark spectacles.
256
00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:55,837
This weekend, we set forth in
search of those spectacles!
257
00:11:55,905 --> 00:11:57,339
(all cheer)
258
00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:59,107
This is all well and good,
259
00:11:59,175 --> 00:12:02,244
but I must know:
what are spectacles?
260
00:12:02,312 --> 00:12:04,696
Glasses.
261
00:12:04,764 --> 00:12:06,715
DOLPH:
One time, I found
262
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:08,016
an old washing machine
over there
263
00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:09,518
that still had
clothes in it.
264
00:12:09,602 --> 00:12:10,552
ALL:
Wow.
265
00:12:10,637 --> 00:12:12,671
This place is as
beautiful
266
00:12:12,722 --> 00:12:15,390
as the side of a
Coors beer can.
267
00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:17,809
The kind my Dad used
to leave in the bathtub.
268
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:20,746
There are no bad fathers
in the wilderness, boy.
269
00:12:20,813 --> 00:12:21,930
(growls)
270
00:12:21,998 --> 00:12:22,831
(grunts)
271
00:12:25,668 --> 00:12:28,337
(owl hoots)
272
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,859
Hmm?
273
00:12:37,764 --> 00:12:39,164
You know, Bart,
274
00:12:39,232 --> 00:12:42,167
morning's when I miss
my Rosemary the most.
275
00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:44,603
She sure looked good
in a pair of jammies.
276
00:12:44,671 --> 00:12:45,887
(chuckles)
277
00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:50,425
NELSON: Dinguses!
Dinguses!
278
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:51,159
Huh?
279
00:12:52,345 --> 00:12:53,178
(groans)
280
00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:56,465
I found 'em!
281
00:12:56,532 --> 00:12:58,433
Teddy Roosevelt's spectacles!
282
00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:00,852
Ah, nicely done, Muntz!
283
00:13:00,903 --> 00:13:04,356
Could this be the moment my life
starts to turn around?
284
00:13:04,424 --> 00:13:05,941
The moment I... (gasps)
285
00:13:08,494 --> 00:13:10,963
Gravity blows!
286
00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:16,335
Gary, you took these boys on
an unauthorizefield trip,
287
00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:18,003
and look what happened!
288
00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:20,172
He got some bumps
and bruises
289
00:13:20,239 --> 00:13:21,373
and a thistle in
his britches.
290
00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:22,874
What is the big deal?
291
00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:25,610
The big deal is
I'm gonna sue you!
292
00:13:25,678 --> 00:13:28,280
Got me one of them "abogados"
from the bus ads.
293
00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:31,116
He said he'll only
take "veinte por ciento,"
294
00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,968
whatever that is.
295
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:36,038
(Spanish accent): You have seen my
picture on the side of a bus.
296
00:13:36,105 --> 00:13:39,074
And I am not smiling
because I lost the case.
297
00:13:39,142 --> 00:13:40,309
NELSON:
Ha-ha!
298
00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:43,779
I'm gonna take you
for every peso you got.
299
00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:45,881
How did she know
we get paid in pesos?
300
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:51,069
They took my
job away, boys.
301
00:13:57,443 --> 00:13:58,777
Where to, boss?
302
00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,262
Just drive.
303
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:01,863
(tires squeal)
304
00:14:01,931 --> 00:14:02,814
(grunts)
305
00:14:02,882 --> 00:14:04,082
(grunts)
306
00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:08,854
Maybe it is cool to cry.
307
00:14:08,921 --> 00:14:10,355
(sobs softly)
308
00:14:18,355 --> 00:14:20,256
Who can name
the three types of rocks?
309
00:14:21,364 --> 00:14:23,265
Bart Simpson?
310
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,962
Chalmers would actually
take us out to see the rocks.
311
00:14:25,963 --> 00:14:28,832
You can see the rocks on page 32
of your science book.
312
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,767
My book is missing page 32.
313
00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,303
Put your head on the desk
and shut your eyes.
314
00:14:33,371 --> 00:14:34,671
My desktop is sticky with soda
315
00:14:34,739 --> 00:14:36,473
from the kid
that had it before me.
316
00:14:36,541 --> 00:14:37,307
Do as I say!
317
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:40,143
(groans)
318
00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:42,429
(kids clamoring)
319
00:14:42,497 --> 00:14:43,663
(grunting)
320
00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:53,073
(grunts)
321
00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:54,357
Stupid fish!
322
00:14:54,425 --> 00:14:56,610
Don't you want to be
my din-ner?!
323
00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,229
Hey, Gary.
(sighs)
324
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,449
Simpson, you are looking
at a man who was not good enough
325
00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:05,185
for the worst
public school in America.
326
00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:07,220
Well, what would
Teddy Roosevelt do?
327
00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:09,689
Son, I'm no Teddy Roosevelt.
328
00:15:09,757 --> 00:15:11,391
I'm not even
Kermit Roosevelt.
329
00:15:11,459 --> 00:15:11,858
(gasps)
330
00:15:15,096 --> 00:15:16,997
I call this meeting
331
00:15:17,064 --> 00:15:19,032
of the Brotherhood of the
Spectacles to order.
332
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,635
Our mission:
to get Chalmers back his job.
333
00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:23,670
ALL:
Hear, hear! Hear, hear!
334
00:15:23,738 --> 00:15:28,375
Bart, I want to ask you about
something I read in a magazine.
335
00:15:28,442 --> 00:15:31,178
Are you boys cyberbullying
each other?
336
00:15:31,245 --> 00:15:32,746
How could we be?
337
00:15:32,813 --> 00:15:35,115
We're all in the same place and
we don't have computers.
338
00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:37,918
Marge, I parented!
339
00:15:37,985 --> 00:15:39,786
That's great, Homie!
340
00:15:39,854 --> 00:15:42,088
Come have some
ice cream on a brownie!
341
00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:43,823
Later, losers.
342
00:15:43,891 --> 00:15:45,258
I'm thinking of something big.
343
00:15:45,326 --> 00:15:49,529
So big it involves taking over
the entire school...
344
00:15:49,597 --> 00:15:54,017
and not giving it up till
Chalmers gets his job back!
345
00:15:54,085 --> 00:15:56,052
Bart, your mother thinks there's
something suspicious
346
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,421
about all you boys having
a meeting in this tree house.
347
00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,557
Well, Dad, since
you are taking
348
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,359
an interest in us, maybe
I should tell you...
349
00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:03,393
Oh! Marge,
350
00:16:03,461 --> 00:16:05,228
my ice cream's melting
351
00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,130
and I haven't finished
my brownie!
352
00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:08,698
Come in and get
some more!
353
00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:10,800
You guys need to get a woman.
354
00:16:12,436 --> 00:16:16,106
So, I'm considering
taking drugs.
355
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:19,809
Would the school advise
for or against that?
356
00:16:19,877 --> 00:16:21,177
Oh, strongly against!
357
00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:22,812
Would you like
to read this pamphlet?
358
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,915
Hmm...
359
00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:27,884
Uh, well, would you
read it with me?
360
00:16:27,952 --> 00:16:30,437
(giggles) Oh!
361
00:16:30,504 --> 00:16:33,607
You see, this boy took drugs
and his scores suffered.
362
00:16:33,674 --> 00:16:35,492
(chuckles) Yeah...
363
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:45,201
(snoring)
364
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:49,489
There's a car with its lights on
in the teachers' lot.
365
00:16:49,557 --> 00:16:50,790
(gasps)
366
00:16:52,326 --> 00:16:55,912
Late-'90s model,
coffee stains on front seat,
367
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,198
stacks of résumés in back seat.
368
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:12,128
Bart, what are you doing?
369
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:13,296
Taking over the school...
370
00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:14,464
with all the kids inside.
371
00:17:14,531 --> 00:17:15,498
What?!
372
00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:17,133
I'm telling Mom.
373
00:17:17,201 --> 00:17:19,319
Great. You can call her
from the closet phone.
374
00:17:19,387 --> 00:17:21,321
Hello, Mom?
375
00:17:21,389 --> 00:17:22,889
You won't believe
what Bart's doing.
376
00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:24,374
There really is
a phone in there?
377
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,128
(scoffs)
So immature.
378
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:32,549
Yo, teachwads!
379
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,050
The Brotherhood of the
Spectacles has
380
00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:35,485
taken over the school!
381
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:37,070
Oh, no, please.
382
00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:38,605
Don't make us start
our weekend early.
383
00:17:38,673 --> 00:17:40,040
Our paychecks are
in there.
384
00:17:40,107 --> 00:17:41,374
(screams)
385
00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:44,044
Why didn't I sign up
for direct deposit?!
386
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:49,494
Bart, open this door now,
387
00:17:49,495 --> 00:17:51,496
or I will jiggle the handle
indefinitely!
388
00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:53,365
Suit yourself.
We all rubbed it with boogers.
389
00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:54,916
Damn!
390
00:17:54,984 --> 00:17:56,651
Willie, break it down.
391
00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:04,109
NELSON:
Not so fast!
392
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:06,745
Back it up or the
photocopier eats it!
393
00:18:06,812 --> 00:18:08,480
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
394
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:10,315
We've got a 30-year mortgage
on that photocopier!
395
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,417
Willie, stay your tractor!
396
00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:15,403
Ye can't just turn her
on and off like that!
397
00:18:16,539 --> 00:18:17,472
(engine stops)
398
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,190
Oh, I guess you can.
399
00:18:19,258 --> 00:18:20,642
Okay, we gotta
stay focused:
400
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:22,727
Jimbo, gather all
the students in the gym.
401
00:18:22,795 --> 00:18:25,163
Milhouse, take a nap.
You know how cranky you get.
402
00:18:25,231 --> 00:18:26,264
I do not!
403
00:18:27,266 --> 00:18:28,567
(siren whoops)
404
00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:31,736
(tires screech)
405
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,057
MAN (over P.A.):
Watch Hannity tonight at 8:00.
406
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:40,095
Dog Day After School?!
407
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,931
This is Kent Brockman outside
Springfield Elementary
408
00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,483
with the parents of lockdown
leader Bart Simpson.
409
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,252
He's not a bad boy.
410
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,654
He had a teacher
who finally got through to him,
411
00:18:49,722 --> 00:18:51,056
and they fired him.
412
00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:52,524
Are you covering
me up?!
413
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:53,975
Yes, I'm afraid we are.
414
00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:56,411
The least I can get out
of this whole nightmare is
415
00:18:56,479 --> 00:18:58,229
some face time on
the local news.
416
00:18:58,297 --> 00:19:00,582
It's kind of my way of
sending a Christmas card.
417
00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:01,516
Happy Holidays,
everyone!
418
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:02,784
Family's fine!
419
00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:05,020
Dude, you better
see this.
420
00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:09,457
Attention, Brotherhood
of the Spectacles:
421
00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:12,460
you are ordered to immediately
evacuate the school,
422
00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:15,030
and then return
to school where you belong.
423
00:19:15,097 --> 00:19:17,732
I need to know that Chalmers
will be taken care of!
424
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,068
We don't negotiate
with terrorists!
425
00:19:20,136 --> 00:19:22,637
Or the people that supply
our uniforms and weapons.
426
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,139
We just pay
whatever they say.
427
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:26,207
Let me talk to the boy!
428
00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:27,909
(grunts)
429
00:19:27,977 --> 00:19:30,578
It's time for you
to stand down, son.
430
00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:33,148
When I met you,
you were nothing more
431
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,816
than a thick file
of infractions.
432
00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:39,120
Now I see a young man I'm proud
to call my disciplinary problem.
433
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:42,057
Thanks. But these Rough Riders
aren't dismounting
434
00:19:42,124 --> 00:19:43,458
until you get your job back.
435
00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:44,959
What do you
think, Chief?
436
00:19:45,027 --> 00:19:46,995
Can we take the building
without hurting anybody?
437
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:49,264
Well, if a group of Muppets
can take Manhattan...
438
00:19:49,315 --> 00:19:50,548
(gun fires)
Aah! Aah!
439
00:19:50,616 --> 00:19:51,616
Job restored!
440
00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:53,218
Increase in title?
441
00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:55,286
Fine, fine.
You're super-duper-intendent.
442
00:19:55,354 --> 00:19:57,605
That's all I ever wanted.
443
00:19:57,673 --> 00:19:58,990
No hard feelings?
444
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,776
Nothing but hard feelings,
Seymour.
445
00:20:02,978 --> 00:20:04,829
(kids cheering)
446
00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:10,552
It's beautiful, man!
447
00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,754
It's beautiful!
448
00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:13,621
Oh, my God.
449
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:16,057
Milhouse, did you take your nap?
450
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,176
Does it look like I took my nap?
451
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,562
(laughs crazily)
452
00:20:20,629 --> 00:20:22,864
BART:
Ay, caramba!
453
00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,666
Sir, of all the books
and movies
454
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:25,967
about Teddy Roosevelt,
455
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:28,836
which would you say is
the most informative?
456
00:20:28,888 --> 00:20:31,106
No question: Night at the Museum.
One or two?
457
00:20:31,173 --> 00:20:33,558
Take your pick,
you can't go wrong.
458
00:20:33,642 --> 00:20:35,627
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
459
00:21:22,369 --> 00:21:26,369
Shh!