1 00:00:04,022 --> 00:00:05,606 The Simpsons? Wha...! 2 00:00:46,615 --> 00:00:47,681 D'oh! 3 00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:55,990 Beer! 4 00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:01,879 God, I love to watch that woman get beer. 5 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:14,791 You little...! 6 00:01:17,562 --> 00:01:19,346 D'oh! 7 00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:25,323 ♪ The Simpsons 23x02 ♪ Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts Original Air Date on October 2, 2011 8 00:01:25,324 --> 00:01:29,324 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:01:35,818 --> 00:01:39,821 They always come up with such catchy ways to make us pay 10 00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:42,958 for things we don't need for kids we didn't want. 11 00:01:49,198 --> 00:01:53,235 Wow-- the gym ropes are seaweed, 12 00:01:53,302 --> 00:01:56,171 the basketball nets are fishing nets... 13 00:01:57,774 --> 00:01:59,274 Yarr! Just plastic. 14 00:01:59,342 --> 00:02:02,310 Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean. 15 00:02:02,378 --> 00:02:05,630 Buy a Springfield Elementary T-shirt? 16 00:02:05,698 --> 00:02:08,600 I don't want people to know my kids go to this lousy school. 17 00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:11,770 We also have T-shirts from other schools. 18 00:02:11,838 --> 00:02:13,138 Ooh! 19 00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:15,490 We can wear those to the nice mall. 20 00:02:20,530 --> 00:02:24,683 And now it's time for lights, camera, auction! 21 00:02:24,751 --> 00:02:26,585 No cameras. 22 00:02:26,669 --> 00:02:28,587 Ooh, first item up for bid is always a favorite, 23 00:02:28,654 --> 00:02:29,588 lunch with Principal Skinner. 24 00:02:31,307 --> 00:02:33,959 I'll just leave the food on your doorstep and ring the bell. 25 00:02:35,194 --> 00:02:36,778 Moving on. 26 00:02:36,846 --> 00:02:39,581 Next up for auction is this wonderful bench hand-crafted 27 00:02:39,632 --> 00:02:41,082 by our second-grade class. 28 00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,617 Don't buy it. 29 00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:45,020 I bought one last year and it was crap construction. 30 00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:46,154 Shh. 31 00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:48,240 Do I hear $50? 32 00:02:50,193 --> 00:02:51,676 Paddles down. 33 00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:53,512 It's the only way to change the system. 34 00:02:56,532 --> 00:02:57,883 Hello? 35 00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,417 Calling from England? 36 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,920 Certainly I can put you on speakerphone. 37 00:03:01,988 --> 00:03:03,822 I am Edith Knickertwist, 38 00:03:03,890 --> 00:03:05,090 an eccentric widow. 39 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:08,527 For this masterpiece, I bid 40 00:03:08,594 --> 00:03:10,662 $1,000. 41 00:03:11,747 --> 00:03:13,048 Sold. 42 00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:15,183 To the mysterious and unverified Mrs. Knickertwist. 43 00:03:15,251 --> 00:03:17,002 Next item: our school band will play 44 00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,904 at a function of your choice. 45 00:03:18,971 --> 00:03:21,406 I bid $4,000. 46 00:03:21,474 --> 00:03:23,675 Well, it looks like our model solar-system 47 00:03:23,743 --> 00:03:24,810 will finally get an Earth. 48 00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:33,568 And that concludes tonight's auction, 49 00:03:33,636 --> 00:03:38,306 which has raised a school record $116,000. 50 00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:41,593 And our windfall is all thanks 51 00:03:41,661 --> 00:03:43,912 to our dear new friend on the phone. 52 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,014 'Allo, luvs! 53 00:03:46,082 --> 00:03:49,117 Mm. I've got a bad feeling about this. 54 00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:51,219 I'm Mrs. Knickertwist. 55 00:03:51,287 --> 00:03:54,356 And I've had a proper hardy-har at your expense. 56 00:03:55,942 --> 00:03:59,528 Why do I believe everything I hear in a British accent? 57 00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:04,199 He has thrust upon us the motley of the tomfool. 58 00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:06,034 I wore this all night for nothing? 59 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:14,943 Mr. Simpson, I know you're not one of our wealthier parents, 60 00:04:15,011 --> 00:04:17,045 but surely you'll honor your son's enormous debt. 61 00:04:17,113 --> 00:04:18,930 Why, of course. 62 00:04:18,998 --> 00:04:22,317 Even if I don't have a legal obligation to pay, 63 00:04:22,385 --> 00:04:24,035 it's clearly the right thing to do. 64 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,205 Here's $1,000, 65 00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:31,276 $2,000, $3,000... 66 00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:33,211 Oh, I need more cash. 67 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,463 Better go to my invisible ATM. 68 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,418 What? Two dollar charge for non-network bank? 69 00:04:40,486 --> 00:04:42,287 - Oh! - Oh. 70 00:04:42,355 --> 00:04:43,989 Skin-ner! 71 00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:45,624 Yes, sir? 72 00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:48,159 I was very pleased with your work last night. 73 00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,194 Really? 74 00:04:49,262 --> 00:04:50,445 Nope. Fooled again. 75 00:04:50,513 --> 00:04:52,013 I'd say you're dumb as a post, 76 00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:54,349 but at least you can put a sign on a post 77 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,701 that says "fresh strawberries-- one mile." 78 00:04:56,769 --> 00:04:58,970 You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit. 79 00:04:59,038 --> 00:05:00,855 I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered. 80 00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:02,140 I'm sorry, what did you say? 81 00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:04,859 I said, I'm lop-shouldered. 82 00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:07,112 And I have been since I was hung by my armpits 83 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,496 in a North Vietnamese prison. 84 00:05:08,564 --> 00:05:10,632 I... I didn't know that. 85 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,901 Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill 86 00:05:12,969 --> 00:05:14,486 a week's worth of morning announcements, 87 00:05:14,553 --> 00:05:16,454 with enough left over for a send-home flyer. 88 00:05:16,522 --> 00:05:18,906 There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour. 89 00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:20,875 If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, 90 00:05:20,927 --> 00:05:21,927 why don't you do it yourself? 91 00:05:23,946 --> 00:05:26,014 You tell him, Seymour. 92 00:05:26,081 --> 00:05:28,416 As some guy said to some dude with a beard, 93 00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:30,552 "Death to tyrants." 94 00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:31,987 You mean Booth and Lincoln? 95 00:05:32,054 --> 00:05:34,556 I'm not the history teacher. 96 00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:36,157 Anymore. 97 00:05:36,225 --> 00:05:39,878 Fine. I will personally take over Bart Simpson's education-- 98 00:05:39,946 --> 00:05:43,648 and for once, that boy's going to learn something. 99 00:05:43,716 --> 00:05:47,152 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expecting an important call 100 00:05:47,219 --> 00:05:49,955 and cell phone coverage in here is, uh, spotty. 101 00:05:51,173 --> 00:05:54,042 Oh, nicely done, Seymour. 102 00:05:54,109 --> 00:05:56,711 I guess there's some stones in your leaf bag after all. 103 00:05:56,779 --> 00:05:58,346 While I'm on a roll, I'm gonna call 104 00:05:58,414 --> 00:05:59,848 that carpet cleaning service 105 00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:02,067 and tell them our hallway doesn't count as a room. 106 00:06:04,537 --> 00:06:06,905 Hello, is André there? 107 00:06:06,973 --> 00:06:08,974 Oh, yes, I'll hold. 108 00:06:12,044 --> 00:06:15,246 I know I can superintend-- superintend like the wind-- 109 00:06:15,314 --> 00:06:16,481 but teach? 110 00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:17,816 It's been years. 111 00:06:17,883 --> 00:06:21,436 And we both know how that went, don't we, Gary? 112 00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:26,708 So, you are the so-called Breakfast Club. 113 00:06:26,776 --> 00:06:28,476 Wrong room. We're the Fight Club. 114 00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:32,080 ♪ Don't you ♪ 115 00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:35,050 ♪ Forget about me ♪ 116 00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,936 ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪ 117 00:06:38,004 --> 00:06:39,871 ♪ Don't you... ♪ 118 00:06:39,955 --> 00:06:43,158 Thank God they never went on to do anything since. 119 00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:48,396 So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now. 120 00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:50,565 Same garbage, different Dumpster. 121 00:06:50,633 --> 00:06:54,102 We'll start with American history. 122 00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:56,438 Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are. 123 00:06:56,505 --> 00:06:59,474 Dollar bill guy, five dollar bill guy, 124 00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:02,143 sex guy, Will Ferrell, black guy. 125 00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:10,268 Bart, what if I told you there was a president 126 00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:11,903 who was an actual cowboy? 127 00:07:11,971 --> 00:07:14,372 I'd act like I'm interested, but inside I'd be bored. 128 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,158 That's as good a place to start as any. 129 00:07:17,209 --> 00:07:18,793 ...great fundamental issue 130 00:07:18,861 --> 00:07:20,745 now before our people... 131 00:07:22,631 --> 00:07:25,667 ...can be stated briefly. 132 00:07:25,718 --> 00:07:29,070 It is, are the American people fit to govern themselves, 133 00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:31,339 to rule themselves, to control themselves. 134 00:07:31,390 --> 00:07:35,693 I believe they are. My opponents do not. 135 00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:38,696 Hey, this Roosevelt guy was sort of interesting. 136 00:07:38,764 --> 00:07:40,965 Did you know he was a colonel in the army? 137 00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:42,834 You don't say. 138 00:07:42,902 --> 00:07:46,237 And one time, during a speech, he was shot by a saloon-keeper, 139 00:07:46,305 --> 00:07:49,791 but Teddy finished his speech before heading to the hospital. 140 00:07:49,859 --> 00:07:52,427 Aha! I'm mad at you for some reason. 141 00:08:02,054 --> 00:08:05,423 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy... 142 00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:08,576 I've never said this before, but I'd like to learn more. 143 00:08:17,472 --> 00:08:20,372 Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day 144 00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:22,307 than most people do in their whole lives. 145 00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,643 You know, I hate to say this, Bart, 146 00:08:24,711 --> 00:08:26,512 but the library is about to close. 147 00:08:26,579 --> 00:08:27,913 Really? 148 00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:30,049 I wanted to learn more about trust busting. 149 00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:31,583 Take that, Standard Oil. 150 00:08:31,651 --> 00:08:33,836 Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow. 151 00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:35,904 Well, I've learned a lot today. 152 00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:38,891 Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away. 153 00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,576 Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. 154 00:08:40,643 --> 00:08:43,645 Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. 155 00:08:43,713 --> 00:08:45,547 But he also believed you can learn 156 00:08:45,615 --> 00:08:47,549 just as much from the out-of-doors. 157 00:08:47,617 --> 00:08:50,219 I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry. 158 00:08:50,286 --> 00:08:52,054 Yes. 159 00:08:52,122 --> 00:08:55,891 Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on? 160 00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:56,892 No, sir. 161 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:57,893 Come with me. 162 00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:06,118 So, Bart, what have you learned so far? 163 00:09:06,169 --> 00:09:08,370 Well, when horses poop, they don't stop. 164 00:09:08,455 --> 00:09:10,706 They just keep walking. Yes, yes. 165 00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,875 Well, here's another fun fact for you. 166 00:09:12,959 --> 00:09:15,327 All around you is a national park 167 00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,463 created by Teddy Roosevelt. 168 00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:18,764 Mm! 169 00:09:18,832 --> 00:09:20,432 Wow! 170 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,068 And here I thought God created all this. 171 00:09:23,136 --> 00:09:24,570 Thanks for setting me straight. 172 00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:26,238 Well, wait, I didn't mean that. 173 00:09:26,306 --> 00:09:29,341 You've filled my head with horse poop and atheism. 174 00:09:29,409 --> 00:09:31,577 And all these years, I thought I was unteachable. 175 00:09:31,644 --> 00:09:33,078 Let's stop talking now. 176 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:38,183 "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country 177 00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:41,587 is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards." 178 00:09:41,654 --> 00:09:43,822 Just quoting our 26th president, Lise. 179 00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:45,591 You could use a little T.R. in your life. 180 00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:46,892 Please. 181 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,394 I went through my T.R. phase in first grade. 182 00:09:49,462 --> 00:09:52,865 Now I realize that the greatest Roosevelt is Franklin. 183 00:09:52,932 --> 00:09:54,299 Balderdash! 184 00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,702 Teddy Roosevelt protected America's wildlife. 185 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,871 Yeah, so he could shoot it himself. 186 00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:00,439 Franklin Roosevelt led this country 187 00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:02,424 through the Depression and World War II. 188 00:10:02,492 --> 00:10:03,592 Face on a dime! 189 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,527 Face on a mountain! 190 00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:08,897 I hated the "Roosie-velts" and all them family dynasties. 191 00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:13,502 The Kennedys, the Bushes, Jon Voigt and Angelina Jolie, 192 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:16,572 Mayor Daley and his smart-ass son, the Daily Show. 193 00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:18,540 That's a lot of anger, Grampa. 194 00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:20,742 Well, I like Stephen Colbert, 195 00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:22,444 but that's because I don't get the joke. 196 00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:26,014 And on July 1st, 1898, 197 00:10:26,082 --> 00:10:29,184 Colonel Theodore Roosevelt and his band of Rough Riders 198 00:10:29,252 --> 00:10:31,787 charged up San Juan Hill and liberated Cuba. 199 00:10:31,855 --> 00:10:34,573 Cuba si! Castro no! 200 00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:37,860 I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy. 201 00:10:37,927 --> 00:10:40,329 I love him because he said, "Bully." 202 00:10:40,396 --> 00:10:41,730 The dude really knew 203 00:10:41,798 --> 00:10:43,565 how to rock some jodhpurs. 204 00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:46,535 Hey, maybe Chalmers would let you guys sit in on our lessons. 205 00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:48,604 After me, men. 206 00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:50,239 Bully-bully-bully-bully-bully! 207 00:10:51,674 --> 00:10:54,810 I'd be glad to have you boys 208 00:10:54,878 --> 00:10:57,095 join our experiment in manly education. 209 00:10:59,232 --> 00:11:01,700 The fact is, today's modern schools 210 00:11:01,768 --> 00:11:03,402 have completely failed you. 211 00:11:03,469 --> 00:11:04,736 School failed me? 212 00:11:04,804 --> 00:11:08,090 Does school have to go to summer Jimbo? 213 00:11:09,192 --> 00:11:10,726 Look at him, boys. 214 00:11:10,793 --> 00:11:13,779 He is the canary in the coal mine of a dying empire. 215 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:17,149 You're in my coal mine now, bitches! 216 00:11:17,217 --> 00:11:18,450 Yeah. 217 00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,586 Boys are falling behind in every subject, 218 00:11:20,653 --> 00:11:24,656 because our classrooms are entirely geared towards girls! 219 00:11:24,724 --> 00:11:28,710 It's all about feelings, and celebrating differences. 220 00:11:28,778 --> 00:11:31,480 But I loved reading It's Cool to Cry! 221 00:11:31,548 --> 00:11:32,948 Well, it's not cool to cry! 222 00:11:34,817 --> 00:11:37,452 Boys need to explore! Build things! 223 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,205 Wreck those things! And then build them again! 224 00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:42,808 Our first lesson begins this Saturday, 225 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:46,595 with an overnight trip to Springfield Forest. 226 00:11:46,663 --> 00:11:49,398 Legend has it that Teddy Roosevelt visited the forest 227 00:11:49,465 --> 00:11:52,467 and lost a pair of his trademark spectacles. 228 00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:55,837 This weekend, we set forth in search of those spectacles! 229 00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:59,107 This is all well and good, 230 00:11:59,175 --> 00:12:02,244 but I must know: what are spectacles? 231 00:12:02,312 --> 00:12:04,696 Glasses. 232 00:12:04,764 --> 00:12:06,715 One time, I found 233 00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:08,016 an old washing machine over there 234 00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:09,518 that still had clothes in it. 235 00:12:09,602 --> 00:12:10,552 Wow. 236 00:12:10,637 --> 00:12:12,671 This place is as beautiful 237 00:12:12,722 --> 00:12:15,390 as the side of a Coors beer can. 238 00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:17,809 The kind my Dad used to leave in the bathtub. 239 00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:20,746 There are no bad fathers in the wilderness, boy. 240 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,859 Hmm? 241 00:12:37,764 --> 00:12:39,164 You know, Bart, 242 00:12:39,232 --> 00:12:42,167 morning's when I miss my Rosemary the most. 243 00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:44,603 She sure looked good in a pair of jammies. 244 00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:50,425 Dinguses! Dinguses! 245 00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:51,159 Huh? 246 00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:56,465 I found 'em! 247 00:12:56,532 --> 00:12:58,433 Teddy Roosevelt's spectacles! 248 00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:00,852 Ah, nicely done, Muntz! 249 00:13:00,903 --> 00:13:04,356 Could this be the moment my life starts to turn around? 250 00:13:04,424 --> 00:13:05,941 The moment I... 251 00:13:08,494 --> 00:13:10,963 Gravity blows! 252 00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:16,335 Gary, you took these boys on an unauthorizefield trip, 253 00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:18,003 and look what happened! 254 00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:20,172 He got some bumps and bruises 255 00:13:20,239 --> 00:13:21,373 and a thistle in his britches. 256 00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:22,874 What is the big deal? 257 00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:25,610 The big deal is I'm gonna sue you! 258 00:13:25,678 --> 00:13:28,280 Got me one of them "abogados" from the bus ads. 259 00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:31,116 He said he'll only take "veinte por ciento," 260 00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,968 whatever that is. 261 00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:36,038 You have seen my picture on the side of a bus. 262 00:13:36,105 --> 00:13:39,074 And I am not smiling because I lost the case. 263 00:13:39,142 --> 00:13:40,309 Ha-ha! 264 00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:43,779 I'm gonna take you for every peso you got. 265 00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:45,881 How did she know we get paid in pesos? 266 00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:51,069 They took my job away, boys. 267 00:13:57,443 --> 00:13:58,777 Where to, boss? 268 00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,262 Just drive. 269 00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:08,854 Maybe it is cool to cry. 270 00:14:18,355 --> 00:14:20,256 Who can name the three types of rocks? 271 00:14:21,364 --> 00:14:23,265 Bart Simpson? 272 00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,962 Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks. 273 00:14:25,963 --> 00:14:28,832 You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book. 274 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,767 My book is missing page 32. 275 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,303 Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes. 276 00:14:33,371 --> 00:14:34,671 My desktop is sticky with soda 277 00:14:34,739 --> 00:14:36,473 from the kid that had it before me. 278 00:14:36,541 --> 00:14:37,307 Do as I say! 279 00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:54,357 Stupid fish! 280 00:14:54,425 --> 00:14:56,610 Don't you want to be my din-ner?! 281 00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,229 Hey, Gary. 282 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,449 Simpson, you are looking at a man who was not good enough 283 00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:05,185 for the worst public school in America. 284 00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:07,220 Well, what would Teddy Roosevelt do? 285 00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:09,689 Son, I'm no Teddy Roosevelt. 286 00:15:09,757 --> 00:15:11,391 I'm not even Kermit Roosevelt. 287 00:15:15,096 --> 00:15:16,997 I call this meeting 288 00:15:17,064 --> 00:15:19,032 of the Brotherhood of the Spectacles to order. 289 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,635 Our mission: to get Chalmers back his job. 290 00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:23,670 Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 291 00:15:23,738 --> 00:15:28,375 Bart, I want to ask you about something I read in a magazine. 292 00:15:28,442 --> 00:15:31,178 Are you boys cyberbullying each other? 293 00:15:31,245 --> 00:15:32,746 How could we be? 294 00:15:32,813 --> 00:15:35,115 We're all in the same place and we don't have computers. 295 00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:37,918 Marge, I parented! 296 00:15:37,985 --> 00:15:39,786 That's great, Homie! 297 00:15:39,854 --> 00:15:42,088 Come have some ice cream on a brownie! 298 00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:43,823 Later, losers. 299 00:15:43,891 --> 00:15:45,258 I'm thinking of something big. 300 00:15:45,326 --> 00:15:49,529 So big it involves taking over the entire school... 301 00:15:49,597 --> 00:15:54,017 and not giving it up till Chalmers gets his job back! 302 00:15:54,085 --> 00:15:56,052 Bart, your mother thinks there's something suspicious 303 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,421 about all you boys having a meeting in this tree house. 304 00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,557 Well, Dad, since you are taking 305 00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,359 an interest in us, maybe I should tell you... 306 00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:03,393 Oh! Marge, 307 00:16:03,461 --> 00:16:05,228 my ice cream's melting 308 00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,130 and I haven't finished my brownie! 309 00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:08,698 Come in and get some more! 310 00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:10,800 You guys need to get a woman. 311 00:16:12,436 --> 00:16:16,106 So, I'm considering taking drugs. 312 00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:19,809 Would the school advise for or against that? 313 00:16:19,877 --> 00:16:21,177 Oh, strongly against! 314 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:22,812 Would you like to read this pamphlet? 315 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,915 Hmm... 316 00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:27,884 Uh, well, would you read it with me? 317 00:16:27,952 --> 00:16:30,437 Oh! 318 00:16:30,504 --> 00:16:33,607 You see, this boy took drugs and his scores suffered. 319 00:16:33,674 --> 00:16:35,492 Yeah... 320 00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:49,489 There's a car with its lights on in the teachers' lot. 321 00:16:52,326 --> 00:16:55,912 Late-'90s model, coffee stains on front seat, 322 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,198 stacks of résumés in back seat. 323 00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:12,128 Bart, what are you doing? 324 00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:13,296 Taking over the school... 325 00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:14,464 with all the kids inside. 326 00:17:14,531 --> 00:17:15,498 What?! 327 00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:17,133 I'm telling Mom. 328 00:17:17,201 --> 00:17:19,319 Great. You can call her from the closet phone. 329 00:17:19,387 --> 00:17:21,321 Hello, Mom? 330 00:17:21,389 --> 00:17:22,889 You won't believe what Bart's doing. 331 00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:24,374 There really is a phone in there? 332 00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,128 So immature. 333 00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:32,549 Yo, teachwads! 334 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,050 The Brotherhood of the Spectacles has 335 00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:35,485 taken over the school! 336 00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:37,070 Oh, no, please. 337 00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:38,605 Don't make us start our weekend early. 338 00:17:38,673 --> 00:17:40,040 Our paychecks are in there. 339 00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:44,044 Why didn't I sign up for direct deposit?! 340 00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:49,494 Bart, open this door now, 341 00:17:49,495 --> 00:17:51,496 or I will jiggle the handle indefinitely! 342 00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:53,365 Suit yourself. We all rubbed it with boogers. 343 00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:54,916 Damn! 344 00:17:54,984 --> 00:17:56,651 Willie, break it down. 345 00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:04,109 Not so fast! 346 00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:06,745 Back it up or the photocopier eats it! 347 00:18:06,812 --> 00:18:08,480 Oh, my God! 348 00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:10,315 We've got a 30-year mortgage on that photocopier! 349 00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,417 Willie, stay your tractor! 350 00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:15,403 Ye can't just turn her on and off like that! 351 00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,190 Oh, I guess you can. 352 00:18:19,258 --> 00:18:20,642 Okay, we gotta stay focused: 353 00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:22,727 Jimbo, gather all the students in the gym. 354 00:18:22,795 --> 00:18:25,163 Milhouse, take a nap. You know how cranky you get. 355 00:18:25,231 --> 00:18:26,264 I do not! 356 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,057 Watch Hannity tonight at 8:00. 357 00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:40,095 Dog Day After School?! 358 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,931 This is Kent Brockman outside Springfield Elementary 359 00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,483 with the parents of lockdown leader Bart Simpson. 360 00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,252 He's not a bad boy. 361 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,654 He had a teacher who finally got through to him, 362 00:18:49,722 --> 00:18:51,056 and they fired him. 363 00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:52,524 Are you covering me up?! 364 00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:53,975 Yes, I'm afraid we are. 365 00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:56,411 The least I can get out of this whole nightmare is 366 00:18:56,479 --> 00:18:58,229 some face time on the local news. 367 00:18:58,297 --> 00:19:00,582 It's kind of my way of sending a Christmas card. 368 00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:01,516 Happy Holidays, everyone! 369 00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:02,784 Family's fine! 370 00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:05,020 Dude, you better see this. 371 00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:09,457 Attention, Brotherhood of the Spectacles: 372 00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:12,460 you are ordered to immediately evacuate the school, 373 00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:15,030 and then return to school where you belong. 374 00:19:15,097 --> 00:19:17,732 I need to know that Chalmers will be taken care of! 375 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,068 We don't negotiate with terrorists! 376 00:19:20,136 --> 00:19:22,637 Or the people that supply our uniforms and weapons. 377 00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,139 We just pay whatever they say. 378 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:26,207 Let me talk to the boy! 379 00:19:27,977 --> 00:19:30,578 It's time for you to stand down, son. 380 00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:33,148 When I met you, you were nothing more 381 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,816 than a thick file of infractions. 382 00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:39,120 Now I see a young man I'm proud to call my disciplinary problem. 383 00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:42,057 Thanks. But these Rough Riders aren't dismounting 384 00:19:42,124 --> 00:19:43,458 until you get your job back. 385 00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:44,959 What do you think, Chief? 386 00:19:45,027 --> 00:19:46,995 Can we take the building without hurting anybody? 387 00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:49,264 Well, if a group of Muppets can take Manhattan... 388 00:19:49,315 --> 00:19:50,548 Aah! Aah! 389 00:19:50,616 --> 00:19:51,616 Job restored! 390 00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:53,218 Increase in title? 391 00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:55,286 Fine, fine. You're super-duper-intendent. 392 00:19:55,354 --> 00:19:57,605 That's all I ever wanted. 393 00:19:57,673 --> 00:19:58,990 No hard feelings? 394 00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,776 Nothing but hard feelings, Seymour. 395 00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:10,552 It's beautiful, man! 396 00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,754 It's beautiful! 397 00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:13,621 Oh, my God. 398 00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:16,057 Milhouse, did you take your nap? 399 00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,176 Does it look like I took my nap? 400 00:20:20,629 --> 00:20:22,864 Ay, caramba! 401 00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,666 Sir, of all the books and movies 402 00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:25,967 about Teddy Roosevelt, 403 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:28,836 which would you say is the most informative? 404 00:20:28,888 --> 00:20:31,106 No question: Night at the Museum. One or two? 405 00:20:31,173 --> 00:20:33,558 Take your pick, you can't go wrong. 406 00:20:33,642 --> 00:20:35,627 == sync, corrected by elderman == 407 00:21:22,369 --> 00:21:26,369 Shh!