1 00:00:04,021 --> 00:00:05,605 The Simpsons? Wha...! 2 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,680 D'oh! 3 00:00:54,405 --> 00:00:55,989 Beer! 4 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,878 God, I love to watch that woman get beer. 5 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,790 You little...! 6 00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,345 D'oh! 7 00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:25,322 ♪ The Simpsons 23x02 ♪ Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts Original Air Date on October 2, 2011 8 00:01:25,323 --> 00:01:29,323 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:01:36,147 --> 00:01:40,150 They always come up with such catchy ways to make us pay 10 00:01:40,218 --> 00:01:43,287 for things we don't need for kids we didn't want. 11 00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:53,564 Wow-- the gym ropes are seaweed, 12 00:01:53,631 --> 00:01:56,500 the basketball nets are fishing nets... 13 00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,603 Yarr! Just plastic. 14 00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:02,639 Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean. 15 00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:05,959 Buy a Springfield Elementary T-shirt? 16 00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:08,929 I don't want people to know my kids go to this lousy school. 17 00:02:09,013 --> 00:02:12,099 We also have T-shirts from other schools. 18 00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:13,467 Ooh! 19 00:02:13,535 --> 00:02:15,819 We can wear those to the nice mall. 20 00:02:20,859 --> 00:02:25,012 And now it's time for lights, camera, auction! 21 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,914 No cameras. 22 00:02:26,998 --> 00:02:28,916 Ooh, first item up for bid is always a favorite, 23 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:29,917 lunch with Principal Skinner. 24 00:02:31,636 --> 00:02:34,288 I'll just leave the food on your doorstep and ring the bell. 25 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,107 Moving on. 26 00:02:37,175 --> 00:02:39,910 Next up for auction is this wonderful bench hand-crafted 27 00:02:39,961 --> 00:02:41,411 by our second-grade class. 28 00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:42,946 Don't buy it. 29 00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:45,349 I bought one last year and it was crap construction. 30 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:46,483 Shh. 31 00:02:46,551 --> 00:02:48,569 Do I hear $50? 32 00:02:50,522 --> 00:02:52,005 Paddles down. 33 00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:53,841 It's the only way to change the system. 34 00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:58,212 Hello? 35 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,746 Calling from England? 36 00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:02,249 Certainly I can put you on speakerphone. 37 00:03:02,317 --> 00:03:04,151 I am Edith Knickertwist, 38 00:03:04,219 --> 00:03:05,419 an eccentric widow. 39 00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:08,856 For this masterpiece, I bid 40 00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:10,991 $1,000. 41 00:03:12,076 --> 00:03:13,377 Sold. 42 00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,512 To the mysterious and unverified Mrs. Knickertwist. 43 00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:17,331 Next item: our school band will play 44 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,233 at a function of your choice. 45 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,735 I bid $4,000. 46 00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:24,004 Well, it looks like our model solar-system 47 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:25,139 will finally get an Earth. 48 00:03:31,596 --> 00:03:33,897 And that concludes tonight's auction, 49 00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:38,635 which has raised a school record $116,000. 50 00:03:40,038 --> 00:03:41,922 And our windfall is all thanks 51 00:03:41,990 --> 00:03:44,241 to our dear new friend on the phone. 52 00:03:44,309 --> 00:03:46,343 'Allo, luvs! 53 00:03:46,411 --> 00:03:49,446 Mm. I've got a bad feeling about this. 54 00:03:49,514 --> 00:03:51,548 I'm Mrs. Knickertwist. 55 00:03:51,616 --> 00:03:54,685 And I've had a proper hardy-har at your expense. 56 00:03:56,271 --> 00:03:59,857 Why do I believe everything I hear in a British accent? 57 00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:04,528 He has thrust upon us the motley of the tomfool. 58 00:04:04,596 --> 00:04:06,363 I wore this all night for nothing? 59 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:15,272 Mr. Simpson, I know you're not one of our wealthier parents, 60 00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,374 but surely you'll honor your son's enormous debt. 61 00:04:17,442 --> 00:04:19,259 Why, of course. 62 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:22,646 Even if I don't have a legal obligation to pay, 63 00:04:22,714 --> 00:04:24,364 it's clearly the right thing to do. 64 00:04:24,449 --> 00:04:27,534 Here's $1,000, 65 00:04:27,619 --> 00:04:31,605 $2,000, $3,000... 66 00:04:31,673 --> 00:04:33,540 Oh, I need more cash. 67 00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:35,792 Better go to my invisible ATM. 68 00:04:38,096 --> 00:04:40,747 What? Two dollar charge for non-network bank? 69 00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:42,616 - Oh! - Oh. 70 00:04:42,684 --> 00:04:44,318 Skin-ner! 71 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,953 Yes, sir? 72 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,488 I was very pleased with your work last night. 73 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,523 Really? 74 00:04:49,591 --> 00:04:50,774 Nope. Fooled again. 75 00:04:50,842 --> 00:04:52,342 I'd say you're dumb as a post, 76 00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:54,678 but at least you can put a sign on a post 77 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,030 that says "fresh strawberries-- one mile." 78 00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:59,299 You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit. 79 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,184 I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered. 80 00:05:01,252 --> 00:05:02,469 I'm sorry, what did you say? 81 00:05:02,537 --> 00:05:05,188 I said, I'm lop-shouldered. 82 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,441 And I have been since I was hung by my armpits 83 00:05:07,525 --> 00:05:08,825 in a North Vietnamese prison. 84 00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:10,961 I... I didn't know that. 85 00:05:11,029 --> 00:05:13,230 Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill 86 00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:14,815 a week's worth of morning announcements, 87 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,783 with enough left over for a send-home flyer. 88 00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:19,235 There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour. 89 00:05:19,287 --> 00:05:21,204 If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, 90 00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:22,256 why don't you do it yourself? 91 00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,343 You tell him, Seymour. 92 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,745 As some guy said to some dude with a beard, 93 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,881 "Death to tyrants." 94 00:05:30,949 --> 00:05:32,316 You mean Booth and Lincoln? 95 00:05:32,383 --> 00:05:34,885 I'm not the history teacher. 96 00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,486 Anymore. 97 00:05:36,554 --> 00:05:40,207 Fine. I will personally take over Bart Simpson's education-- 98 00:05:40,275 --> 00:05:43,977 and for once, that boy's going to learn something. 99 00:05:44,045 --> 00:05:47,481 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expecting an important call 100 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,284 and cell phone coverage in here is, uh, spotty. 101 00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:54,371 Oh, nicely done, Seymour. 102 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:57,040 I guess there's some stones in your leaf bag after all. 103 00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,675 While I'm on a roll, I'm gonna call 104 00:05:58,743 --> 00:06:00,177 that carpet cleaning service 105 00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:02,396 and tell them our hallway doesn't count as a room. 106 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:07,234 Hello, is André there? 107 00:06:07,302 --> 00:06:09,303 Oh, yes, I'll hold. 108 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:15,575 I know I can superintend-- superintend like the wind-- 109 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,810 but teach? 110 00:06:16,878 --> 00:06:18,145 It's been years. 111 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,765 And we both know how that went, don't we, Gary? 112 00:06:23,835 --> 00:06:27,037 So, you are the so-called Breakfast Club. 113 00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:28,805 Wrong room. We're the Fight Club. 114 00:06:28,873 --> 00:06:32,409 ♪ Don't you ♪ 115 00:06:32,477 --> 00:06:35,379 ♪ Forget about me ♪ 116 00:06:35,446 --> 00:06:38,265 ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪ 117 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,200 ♪ Don't you... ♪ 118 00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:43,487 Thank God they never went on to do anything since. 119 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,725 So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now. 120 00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,894 Same garbage, different Dumpster. 121 00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:54,431 We'll start with American history. 122 00:06:54,499 --> 00:06:56,767 Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are. 123 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,803 Dollar bill guy, five dollar bill guy, 124 00:06:59,871 --> 00:07:02,472 sex guy, Will Ferrell, black guy. 125 00:07:07,562 --> 00:07:10,597 Bart, what if I told you there was a president 126 00:07:10,665 --> 00:07:12,232 who was an actual cowboy? 127 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,701 I'd act like I'm interested, but inside I'd be bored. 128 00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:17,487 That's as good a place to start as any. 129 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,122 ...great fundamental issue 130 00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:21,074 now before our people... 131 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,996 ...can be stated briefly. 132 00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:29,399 It is, are the American people fit to govern themselves, 133 00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:31,668 to rule themselves, to control themselves. 134 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:36,022 I believe they are. My opponents do not. 135 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,025 Hey, this Roosevelt guy was sort of interesting. 136 00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:41,294 Did you know he was a colonel in the army? 137 00:07:41,362 --> 00:07:43,163 You don't say. 138 00:07:43,231 --> 00:07:46,566 And one time, during a speech, he was shot by a saloon-keeper, 139 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:50,120 but Teddy finished his speech before heading to the hospital. 140 00:07:50,188 --> 00:07:52,756 Aha! I'm mad at you for some reason. 141 00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:05,752 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy... 142 00:08:05,837 --> 00:08:08,905 I've never said this before, but I'd like to learn more. 143 00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:20,701 Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day 144 00:08:20,702 --> 00:08:22,636 than most people do in their whole lives. 145 00:08:22,704 --> 00:08:24,972 You know, I hate to say this, Bart, 146 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,841 but the library is about to close. 147 00:08:26,908 --> 00:08:28,242 Really? 148 00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:30,378 I wanted to learn more about trust busting. 149 00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:31,912 Take that, Standard Oil. 150 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:34,165 Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow. 151 00:08:34,232 --> 00:08:36,233 Well, I've learned a lot today. 152 00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:39,220 Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away. 153 00:08:39,287 --> 00:08:40,905 Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. 154 00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:43,974 Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. 155 00:08:44,042 --> 00:08:45,876 But he also believed you can learn 156 00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:47,878 just as much from the out-of-doors. 157 00:08:47,946 --> 00:08:50,548 I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry. 158 00:08:50,615 --> 00:08:52,383 Yes. 159 00:08:52,451 --> 00:08:56,220 Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on? 160 00:08:56,288 --> 00:08:57,221 No, sir. 161 00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:58,222 Come with me. 162 00:09:03,495 --> 00:09:06,447 So, Bart, what have you learned so far? 163 00:09:06,498 --> 00:09:08,699 Well, when horses poop, they don't stop. 164 00:09:08,784 --> 00:09:11,035 They just keep walking. Yes, yes. 165 00:09:11,119 --> 00:09:13,204 Well, here's another fun fact for you. 166 00:09:13,288 --> 00:09:15,656 All around you is a national park 167 00:09:15,707 --> 00:09:17,792 created by Teddy Roosevelt. 168 00:09:17,843 --> 00:09:19,093 Mm! 169 00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:20,761 Wow! 170 00:09:20,829 --> 00:09:23,397 And here I thought God created all this. 171 00:09:23,465 --> 00:09:24,899 Thanks for setting me straight. 172 00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:26,567 Well, wait, I didn't mean that. 173 00:09:26,635 --> 00:09:29,670 You've filled my head with horse poop and atheism. 174 00:09:29,738 --> 00:09:31,906 And all these years, I thought I was unteachable. 175 00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:33,407 Let's stop talking now. 176 00:09:35,077 --> 00:09:38,512 "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country 177 00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:41,916 is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards." 178 00:09:41,983 --> 00:09:44,151 Just quoting our 26th president, Lise. 179 00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:45,920 You could use a little T.R. in your life. 180 00:09:45,987 --> 00:09:47,221 Please. 181 00:09:47,289 --> 00:09:49,723 I went through my T.R. phase in first grade. 182 00:09:49,791 --> 00:09:53,194 Now I realize that the greatest Roosevelt is Franklin. 183 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:54,628 Balderdash! 184 00:09:54,696 --> 00:09:57,031 Teddy Roosevelt protected America's wildlife. 185 00:09:57,099 --> 00:09:59,200 Yeah, so he could shoot it himself. 186 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,768 Franklin Roosevelt led this country 187 00:10:00,836 --> 00:10:02,753 through the Depression and World War II. 188 00:10:02,821 --> 00:10:03,921 Face on a dime! 189 00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:05,856 Face on a mountain! 190 00:10:05,924 --> 00:10:09,226 I hated the "Roosie-velts" and all them family dynasties. 191 00:10:09,294 --> 00:10:13,831 The Kennedys, the Bushes, Jon Voigt and Angelina Jolie, 192 00:10:13,899 --> 00:10:16,901 Mayor Daley and his smart-ass son, the Daily Show. 193 00:10:16,968 --> 00:10:18,869 That's a lot of anger, Grampa. 194 00:10:18,937 --> 00:10:21,071 Well, I like Stephen Colbert, 195 00:10:21,139 --> 00:10:22,773 but that's because I don't get the joke. 196 00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:26,343 And on July 1st, 1898, 197 00:10:26,411 --> 00:10:29,513 Colonel Theodore Roosevelt and his band of Rough Riders 198 00:10:29,581 --> 00:10:32,116 charged up San Juan Hill and liberated Cuba. 199 00:10:32,184 --> 00:10:34,902 Cuba si! Castro no! 200 00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:38,189 I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy. 201 00:10:38,256 --> 00:10:40,658 I love him because he said, "Bully." 202 00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:42,059 The dude really knew 203 00:10:42,127 --> 00:10:43,894 how to rock some jodhpurs. 204 00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,864 Hey, maybe Chalmers would let you guys sit in on our lessons. 205 00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:48,933 After me, men. 206 00:10:49,017 --> 00:10:50,568 Bully-bully-bully-bully-bully! 207 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:55,139 I'd be glad to have you boys 208 00:10:55,207 --> 00:10:57,424 join our experiment in manly education. 209 00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:02,029 The fact is, today's modern schools 210 00:11:02,097 --> 00:11:03,731 have completely failed you. 211 00:11:03,798 --> 00:11:05,065 School failed me? 212 00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:08,419 Does school have to go to summer Jimbo? 213 00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:11,055 Look at him, boys. 214 00:11:11,122 --> 00:11:14,108 He is the canary in the coal mine of a dying empire. 215 00:11:14,176 --> 00:11:17,478 You're in my coal mine now, bitches! 216 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,779 Yeah. 217 00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:20,915 Boys are falling behind in every subject, 218 00:11:20,982 --> 00:11:24,985 because our classrooms are entirely geared towards girls! 219 00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:29,039 It's all about feelings, and celebrating differences. 220 00:11:29,107 --> 00:11:31,809 But I loved reading It's Cool to Cry! 221 00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:33,277 Well, it's not cool to cry! 222 00:11:35,146 --> 00:11:37,781 Boys need to explore! Build things! 223 00:11:37,849 --> 00:11:40,534 Wreck those things! And then build them again! 224 00:11:40,602 --> 00:11:43,137 Our first lesson begins this Saturday, 225 00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:46,924 with an overnight trip to Springfield Forest. 226 00:11:46,992 --> 00:11:49,727 Legend has it that Teddy Roosevelt visited the forest 227 00:11:49,794 --> 00:11:52,796 and lost a pair of his trademark spectacles. 228 00:11:52,864 --> 00:11:56,166 This weekend, we set forth in search of those spectacles! 229 00:11:57,736 --> 00:11:59,436 This is all well and good, 230 00:11:59,504 --> 00:12:02,573 but I must know: what are spectacles? 231 00:12:02,641 --> 00:12:05,025 Glasses. 232 00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:07,044 One time, I found 233 00:12:07,128 --> 00:12:08,345 an old washing machine over there 234 00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:09,847 that still had clothes in it. 235 00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:10,881 Wow. 236 00:12:10,966 --> 00:12:13,000 This place is as beautiful 237 00:12:13,051 --> 00:12:15,719 as the side of a Coors beer can. 238 00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:18,138 The kind my Dad used to leave in the bathtub. 239 00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:21,075 There are no bad fathers in the wilderness, boy. 240 00:12:34,289 --> 00:12:35,188 Hmm? 241 00:12:38,093 --> 00:12:39,493 You know, Bart, 242 00:12:39,561 --> 00:12:42,496 morning's when I miss my Rosemary the most. 243 00:12:42,564 --> 00:12:44,932 She sure looked good in a pair of jammies. 244 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,754 Dinguses! Dinguses! 245 00:12:50,822 --> 00:12:51,488 Huh? 246 00:12:55,977 --> 00:12:56,794 I found 'em! 247 00:12:56,861 --> 00:12:58,762 Teddy Roosevelt's spectacles! 248 00:12:58,847 --> 00:13:01,181 Ah, nicely done, Muntz! 249 00:13:01,232 --> 00:13:04,685 Could this be the moment my life starts to turn around? 250 00:13:04,753 --> 00:13:06,270 The moment I... 251 00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:11,292 Gravity blows! 252 00:13:13,995 --> 00:13:16,664 Gary, you took these boys on an unauthorizefield trip, 253 00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,332 and look what happened! 254 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,501 He got some bumps and bruises 255 00:13:20,568 --> 00:13:21,702 and a thistle in his britches. 256 00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:23,203 What is the big deal? 257 00:13:23,271 --> 00:13:25,939 The big deal is I'm gonna sue you! 258 00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:28,609 Got me one of them "abogados" from the bus ads. 259 00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:31,445 He said he'll only take "veinte por ciento," 260 00:13:31,513 --> 00:13:33,297 whatever that is. 261 00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:36,367 You have seen my picture on the side of a bus. 262 00:13:36,434 --> 00:13:39,403 And I am not smiling because I lost the case. 263 00:13:39,471 --> 00:13:40,638 Ha-ha! 264 00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:44,108 I'm gonna take you for every peso you got. 265 00:13:44,175 --> 00:13:46,210 How did she know we get paid in pesos? 266 00:13:48,396 --> 00:13:51,398 They took my job away, boys. 267 00:13:57,772 --> 00:13:59,106 Where to, boss? 268 00:13:59,174 --> 00:14:00,591 Just drive. 269 00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:09,183 Maybe it is cool to cry. 270 00:14:18,684 --> 00:14:20,585 Who can name the three types of rocks? 271 00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:23,594 Bart Simpson? 272 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,291 Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks. 273 00:14:26,292 --> 00:14:29,161 You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book. 274 00:14:29,229 --> 00:14:31,096 My book is missing page 32. 275 00:14:31,164 --> 00:14:33,632 Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes. 276 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,000 My desktop is sticky with soda 277 00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:36,802 from the kid that had it before me. 278 00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:37,636 Do as I say! 279 00:14:53,503 --> 00:14:54,686 Stupid fish! 280 00:14:54,754 --> 00:14:56,939 Don't you want to be my din-ner?! 281 00:14:57,023 --> 00:14:59,558 Hey, Gary. 282 00:14:59,609 --> 00:15:02,778 Simpson, you are looking at a man who was not good enough 283 00:15:02,862 --> 00:15:05,514 for the worst public school in America. 284 00:15:05,582 --> 00:15:07,549 Well, what would Teddy Roosevelt do? 285 00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:10,018 Son, I'm no Teddy Roosevelt. 286 00:15:10,086 --> 00:15:11,720 I'm not even Kermit Roosevelt. 287 00:15:15,425 --> 00:15:17,326 I call this meeting 288 00:15:17,393 --> 00:15:19,361 of the Brotherhood of the Spectacles to order. 289 00:15:19,429 --> 00:15:21,964 Our mission: to get Chalmers back his job. 290 00:15:22,031 --> 00:15:23,999 Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 291 00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:28,704 Bart, I want to ask you about something I read in a magazine. 292 00:15:28,771 --> 00:15:31,507 Are you boys cyberbullying each other? 293 00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:33,075 How could we be? 294 00:15:33,142 --> 00:15:35,444 We're all in the same place and we don't have computers. 295 00:15:36,779 --> 00:15:38,247 Marge, I parented! 296 00:15:38,314 --> 00:15:40,115 That's great, Homie! 297 00:15:40,183 --> 00:15:42,417 Come have some ice cream on a brownie! 298 00:15:42,485 --> 00:15:44,152 Later, losers. 299 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:45,587 I'm thinking of something big. 300 00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:49,858 So big it involves taking over the entire school... 301 00:15:49,926 --> 00:15:54,346 and not giving it up till Chalmers gets his job back! 302 00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:56,381 Bart, your mother thinks there's something suspicious 303 00:15:56,449 --> 00:15:58,750 about all you boys having a meeting in this tree house. 304 00:15:58,818 --> 00:16:00,886 Well, Dad, since you are taking 305 00:16:00,954 --> 00:16:02,688 an interest in us, maybe I should tell you... 306 00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:03,722 Oh! Marge, 307 00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:05,557 my ice cream's melting 308 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:07,459 and I haven't finished my brownie! 309 00:16:07,527 --> 00:16:09,027 Come in and get some more! 310 00:16:09,095 --> 00:16:11,129 You guys need to get a woman. 311 00:16:12,765 --> 00:16:16,435 So, I'm considering taking drugs. 312 00:16:16,502 --> 00:16:20,138 Would the school advise for or against that? 313 00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:21,506 Oh, strongly against! 314 00:16:21,574 --> 00:16:23,141 Would you like to read this pamphlet? 315 00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:25,244 Hmm... 316 00:16:25,311 --> 00:16:28,213 Uh, well, would you read it with me? 317 00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:30,766 Oh! 318 00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:33,936 You see, this boy took drugs and his scores suffered. 319 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:35,821 Yeah... 320 00:16:45,598 --> 00:16:49,818 There's a car with its lights on in the teachers' lot. 321 00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:56,241 Late-'90s model, coffee stains on front seat, 322 00:16:56,309 --> 00:16:58,527 stacks of résumés in back seat. 323 00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,457 Bart, what are you doing? 324 00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:13,625 Taking over the school... 325 00:17:13,693 --> 00:17:14,793 with all the kids inside. 326 00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:15,827 What?! 327 00:17:15,878 --> 00:17:17,462 I'm telling Mom. 328 00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:19,648 Great. You can call her from the closet phone. 329 00:17:19,716 --> 00:17:21,650 Hello, Mom? 330 00:17:21,718 --> 00:17:23,218 You won't believe what Bart's doing. 331 00:17:23,286 --> 00:17:24,703 There really is a phone in there? 332 00:17:26,389 --> 00:17:28,457 So immature. 333 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,878 Yo, teachwads! 334 00:17:32,945 --> 00:17:34,379 The Brotherhood of the Spectacles has 335 00:17:34,447 --> 00:17:35,814 taken over the school! 336 00:17:35,882 --> 00:17:37,399 Oh, no, please. 337 00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:38,934 Don't make us start our weekend early. 338 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,369 Our paychecks are in there. 339 00:17:41,771 --> 00:17:44,373 Why didn't I sign up for direct deposit?! 340 00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,823 Bart, open this door now, 341 00:17:49,824 --> 00:17:51,825 or I will jiggle the handle indefinitely! 342 00:17:51,893 --> 00:17:53,694 Suit yourself. We all rubbed it with boogers. 343 00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,245 Damn! 344 00:17:55,313 --> 00:17:56,980 Willie, break it down. 345 00:18:02,737 --> 00:18:04,438 Not so fast! 346 00:18:04,505 --> 00:18:07,074 Back it up or the photocopier eats it! 347 00:18:07,141 --> 00:18:08,809 Oh, my God! 348 00:18:08,877 --> 00:18:10,644 We've got a 30-year mortgage on that photocopier! 349 00:18:10,712 --> 00:18:12,746 Willie, stay your tractor! 350 00:18:12,814 --> 00:18:15,732 Ye can't just turn her on and off like that! 351 00:18:17,869 --> 00:18:19,519 Oh, I guess you can. 352 00:18:19,587 --> 00:18:20,971 Okay, we gotta stay focused: 353 00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:23,056 Jimbo, gather all the students in the gym. 354 00:18:23,124 --> 00:18:25,492 Milhouse, take a nap. You know how cranky you get. 355 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,593 I do not! 356 00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:36,386 Watch Hannity tonight at 8:00. 357 00:18:38,022 --> 00:18:40,424 Dog Day After School?! 358 00:18:40,491 --> 00:18:43,260 This is Kent Brockman outside Springfield Elementary 359 00:18:43,328 --> 00:18:45,812 with the parents of lockdown leader Bart Simpson. 360 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,581 He's not a bad boy. 361 00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:49,983 He had a teacher who finally got through to him, 362 00:18:50,051 --> 00:18:51,385 and they fired him. 363 00:18:51,452 --> 00:18:52,853 Are you covering me up?! 364 00:18:52,921 --> 00:18:54,304 Yes, I'm afraid we are. 365 00:18:54,372 --> 00:18:56,740 The least I can get out of this whole nightmare is 366 00:18:56,808 --> 00:18:58,558 some face time on the local news. 367 00:18:58,626 --> 00:19:00,911 It's kind of my way of sending a Christmas card. 368 00:19:00,979 --> 00:19:01,845 Happy Holidays, everyone! 369 00:19:01,913 --> 00:19:03,113 Family's fine! 370 00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:05,349 Dude, you better see this. 371 00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:09,786 Attention, Brotherhood of the Spectacles: 372 00:19:09,854 --> 00:19:12,789 you are ordered to immediately evacuate the school, 373 00:19:12,857 --> 00:19:15,359 and then return to school where you belong. 374 00:19:15,426 --> 00:19:18,061 I need to know that Chalmers will be taken care of! 375 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:20,397 We don't negotiate with terrorists! 376 00:19:20,465 --> 00:19:22,966 Or the people that supply our uniforms and weapons. 377 00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:24,468 We just pay whatever they say. 378 00:19:24,535 --> 00:19:26,536 Let me talk to the boy! 379 00:19:28,306 --> 00:19:30,907 It's time for you to stand down, son. 380 00:19:30,975 --> 00:19:33,477 When I met you, you were nothing more 381 00:19:33,544 --> 00:19:35,145 than a thick file of infractions. 382 00:19:35,213 --> 00:19:39,449 Now I see a young man I'm proud to call my disciplinary problem. 383 00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:42,386 Thanks. But these Rough Riders aren't dismounting 384 00:19:42,453 --> 00:19:43,787 until you get your job back. 385 00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:45,288 What do you think, Chief? 386 00:19:45,356 --> 00:19:47,324 Can we take the building without hurting anybody? 387 00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:49,593 Well, if a group of Muppets can take Manhattan... 388 00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:50,877 Aah! Aah! 389 00:19:50,945 --> 00:19:51,945 Job restored! 390 00:19:52,013 --> 00:19:53,547 Increase in title? 391 00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:55,615 Fine, fine. You're super-duper-intendent. 392 00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:57,934 That's all I ever wanted. 393 00:19:58,002 --> 00:19:59,319 No hard feelings? 394 00:19:59,404 --> 00:20:02,105 Nothing but hard feelings, Seymour. 395 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,881 It's beautiful, man! 396 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,083 It's beautiful! 397 00:20:13,150 --> 00:20:13,950 Oh, my God. 398 00:20:14,002 --> 00:20:16,386 Milhouse, did you take your nap? 399 00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:18,505 Does it look like I took my nap? 400 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,193 Ay, caramba! 401 00:20:23,261 --> 00:20:24,995 Sir, of all the books and movies 402 00:20:25,063 --> 00:20:26,296 about Teddy Roosevelt, 403 00:20:26,347 --> 00:20:29,165 which would you say is the most informative? 404 00:20:29,217 --> 00:20:31,435 No question: Night at the Museum. One or two? 405 00:20:31,502 --> 00:20:33,887 Take your pick, you can't go wrong. 406 00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:35,956 == sync, corrected by elderman == 407 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:26,698 Shh!