1
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,820
As Hurricane Flozell grows stronger,
2
00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:27,860
record surf threatens to breach
the Langley Falls Sea Wall
3
00:00:27,990 --> 00:00:29,860
and flood all of Lower Langley.
4
00:00:29,980 --> 00:00:31,910
Residents are urged to evacuate.
5
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:33,830
Thanks, Greg.
Stay safe out there.
6
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,270
Ahahahah, don't worry.
7
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,920
I've been in some nasty storms.
8
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,670
Oh my God.
9
00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:42,630
The sky ate Greg.
10
00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:46,650
How can you calmly do housework
when there's a hurricane outside?
11
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,470
I'm stuck inside all day anyway,
12
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,980
Might as well scratch some
things off my to-do list.
13
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:52,520
Install this light fixture,
14
00:00:52,650 --> 00:00:55,040
prepare the table,
find my old college javelin.
15
00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:57,350
Why on Earth would you ever need that?
16
00:00:58,070 --> 00:00:59,570
You'll never know.
17
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:03,720
Well, this weather is worrying me.
18
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,610
Are you sure we shouldn't evacuate?
19
00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:06,780
Evacuate?
20
00:01:06,860 --> 00:01:08,300
I'm not going to abandon my house
21
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,270
just so a bunch of guys
in sports jerseys
22
00:01:10,330 --> 00:01:12,200
can loot the place and do
God-knows-what with...
23
00:01:12,270 --> 00:01:14,940
my old college javelin.
24
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,670
(thunder crashes)
25
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:18,910
But we're in Lower Langley.
26
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:21,040
And we're in the lowest part
of the neighborhood!
27
00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:24,090
That's why so many soccer balls
end up in our yard.
28
00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:26,750
(wind howling)
29
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,880
(Greg screams)
30
00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,590
We'll be fine.
31
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:31,890
I've got us totally prepared
to ride out the storm.
32
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,220
But what if the sea wall breaks?
Greg said that...
33
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,530
Francine, a man's most important duty
34
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:37,760
is to protect his family.
35
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:39,700
So, please, just trust me.
36
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,860
I won't let anything
happen to you guys. Okay?
37
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:43,450
Mm, okay...
38
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,920
Try to relax.
39
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,020
Watching all that news is
just making you paranoid.
40
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:49,090
Maybe a nice massage
will calm you down.
41
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,240
Just start up here.
42
00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:58,930
isn't going to know what hit them!
43
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,370
Are you allergic to vaginas, Steve?
44
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:57,330
The Junior Architect Society
45
00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:58,930
isn't going to know what hit them!
46
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,370
Are you allergic to vaginas, Steve?
47
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,010
Jeff, what if the sea wall breaks?
48
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,870
The zoo is in Lower Langley.
49
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,680
Wh-What about the animals?
50
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,340
Uh, don't worry, babe.
51
00:02:12,430 --> 00:02:14,500
All the animals will
take care of each other,
52
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,680
just like they do in the wild.
53
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,630
I don't know what I'd do without you.
54
00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:19,970
You're my rock.
55
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:21,470
Come on.
Let's go get high
56
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,190
and talk about
other times we got high.
57
00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:27,630
Last night was magical.
58
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,560
I think we could
really have something.
59
00:02:29,630 --> 00:02:31,930
Oh, yeah, yeah...
60
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,500
Yeah, say, could I get
that sweatshirt back from you?
61
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:36,070
It looks pretty nasty out there.
62
00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:37,700
Maybe I could just wear it
63
00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:39,460
and give it back to you next time?
64
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,060
Yeah... it's just,
65
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,000
it's kinda my favorite,
you know, from college.
66
00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:45,530
I'll wash it for you.
67
00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:47,500
I just want to wear it for a while.
68
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,830
(deep sniff, sighs)
69
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,200
It smells like us.
70
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:53,550
(groans)
71
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,560
(wind rushing)
72
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,520
If you've seen this man, please
call the station right away.
73
00:02:59,590 --> 00:03:03,000
He was last seen being sucked
into the sky, where he belongs.
74
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,980
(voice cracking):
Because he's an angel!
75
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:06,730
(doorbell rings)
76
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,770
- Hey, Buckle.
- Stan, you're still here?!
77
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,440
Everyone in the
neighborhood has evacuated.
78
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,230
Even my friends Julius and
Rachel Epstein left.
79
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,000
They're beavers, Stan!
80
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,960
I appreciate the concern,
Buckle, but we'll be fine.
81
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,980
The roads aren't passable anymore,
82
00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:26,290
but I've got an amphibious vehicle!
83
00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:29,810
I'm going to get Shari, and
we'll stop by on our way out.
84
00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:33,010
I pray you come with us, my friend.
85
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,190
(kisses)
86
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,970
Stan, are you sure
we shouldn't go with them?
87
00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:41,850
The sea wall could break any minute.
88
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:44,040
For the last time, we'll be fine.
89
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,290
We have weeks of supplies,
90
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,610
and the house is
completely watertight.
91
00:03:46,670 --> 00:03:48,190
How do you know that?
92
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,190
Remember when everyone
was worried about anthrax
93
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:51,890
and dirty bombs a few years ago,
94
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,510
even though they should be far,
far more worried about it now...
95
00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:56,740
- trust me I know what I'm talking about?
- I remember.
96
00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:58,850
Well, I everything-proofed the house.
97
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,540
It's sealed against anthrax,
radiation, water...
98
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,020
This dumb bastard's going
to get us all killed!
99
00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,420
We have to evacuate!
100
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,180
We are staying right here!
101
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,350
"Not I," said the guy
who lived, and was beautiful.
102
00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:12,310
I'm going with
Red Beard Raccoon Coat.
103
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:13,920
Anyone who's interested in living
104
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:15,620
and not being stupid and crazy,
105
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,020
I suggest you join me.
106
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,790
And anyone who trusts my judgment
107
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:20,120
as the protector of this family,
108
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:21,610
I suggest you join me!
109
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,940
Francine?!
110
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,660
I'm sorry, Stan.
111
00:04:27,730 --> 00:04:31,100
But when there's a crisis,
you make bad decisions.
112
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,200
They sound reasonable in the moment,
113
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,470
but they...
114
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,370
always...
end badly.
115
00:04:37,530 --> 00:04:38,450
That's ridiculous!
116
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:40,410
I know it's hard to hear, Stan,
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00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:41,510
but it's true.
118
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:43,400
Come on, kids.
119
00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:45,210
I'm with Mommy!
Betrayal!
120
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,280
I have to stay, Mom.
121
00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:48,950
If the zoo floods, I need to be here,
122
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,550
so I can start rescuing animals.
123
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,270
Besides, I-I think the house
will probably hold.
124
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,720
I'm with you, babe.
125
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,630
See what a good wife
Jeff is, Francine?
126
00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:58,300
He sticks by her husband.
127
00:04:58,470 --> 00:05:00,560
I'll stay with you, Roger.
128
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,950
You're still here?
129
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:07,520
Come on, you guys!
130
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:10,570
How can you trust that guy
over me, your own husband?!
131
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,560
You're not giving me any choice!
132
00:05:12,630 --> 00:05:15,180
Staying here is a perfect example
133
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,910
of you making a bad crisis decision.
134
00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:21,350
I still don't understand why we
couldn't have taken the Solara!
135
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:25,290
The Solara is not amphibious,
my sweet Semitic treasure!
136
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,890
Francine, staying here
is not a bad decision.
137
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:28,870
I've prepared for this...
138
00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:31,230
I finally did it.
139
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,280
I've made my decision
140
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,950
about whether to stay or go.
141
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,810
It took a lot of soul searching,
142
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:36,900
but in the end...
143
00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:37,800
ALL OTHERS:
Shut up, Klaus!
144
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,430
Punt!
(Klaus screams)
145
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,680
Hayley, please come with us.
146
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:42,800
I can't, Mom.
147
00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:46,020
(dramatically):
What of... the animals?
148
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,660
Why, why, why, why
149
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,910
do you have to say it like that?
(deep rumbling)
150
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,160
No...!
151
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,330
The sea wall has broken!
152
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,750
(all scream)
153
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,700
(panting)
154
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,230
What an exciting first date!
155
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,490
We're not dating, you miserable cow!
156
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,530
(laughs)
You're funny!
157
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,860
Oh... my God.
158
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,190
Buckle and Shari!
159
00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,760
They're dead.
160
00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:19,100
Nothing we can do now but pray
161
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,300
and strip all the copper piping
out of their house.
162
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:24,350
If you'd gotten in that vehicle,
you'd be dead, too, Francine.
163
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,700
If we'd left this
morning, like I wanted,
164
00:06:26,790 --> 00:06:28,790
we'd be safe at Mah Mah
and Bah Bah's right now!
165
00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:29,850
We're safe here!
166
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:31,460
The generator's working.
167
00:06:31,530 --> 00:06:34,090
The place is sealed tighter than
an unlubricated Komzel valve.
168
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,230
Or maybe the more obvious joke:
169
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,300
a Zwanzi tribesman's nook-nook
ribbon, pre-Lonzi ritual.
170
00:06:39,370 --> 00:06:41,070
(loud bump,
house jerks slightly)
171
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,850
Um, Dad...
You didn't seal the drainage
172
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,370
that allows water to pass
under the house, did you?
173
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,840
'Cause without that, the water'll put
174
00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:48,870
too much pressure on the structure...
175
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,430
Steve, stop it.
Just because
176
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,980
you're in an architect club
doesn't mean...
177
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:54,430
Hiya, Barb!
Some weather, huh?
178
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:55,980
...doesn't mean you know
everything about...
179
00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:57,090
Hey, Principal Lewis!
180
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,190
End of days... bitches...!
181
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,300
(laughs raucously)
182
00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:05,160
...about this house...
183
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:07,760
We're moving. The house
is moving. I see that now.
184
00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:09,160
(wind whistling)
185
00:07:11,270 --> 00:07:12,980
Just as I suspected!
186
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,700
The water couldn't
pass under the house,
187
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:16,570
so it pushed it off the foundation!
188
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,840
See, Stan?
189
00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:20,170
Sealing up the house and staying here
190
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,240
sounded like okay decisions,
but look what happened!
191
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,730
I feel so close to you.
192
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,500
Let's go look at your baby pictures.
193
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,430
Great, you go get them.
They're outside.
194
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,270
Where?
Just... outside.
195
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,250
Anywhere. Just go find
them. It's a game.
196
00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:36,910
I say we go up to the attic...
197
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,710
the highest, safest part
of the house.
198
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,460
We should stay down here.
199
00:07:40,530 --> 00:07:43,130
If rescue comes, we can climb
right out the window
200
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,330
and onto the boat.
201
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,700
You know what?
Fine.
202
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:48,700
Anyone smart or loyal enough
to take my side in this,
203
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:49,870
come with me to the attic.
204
00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:54,770
Hayley, don't listen to him!
205
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,230
She's made up her mind, Francine.
206
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:58,700
Just like how I normally
make up your mind.
207
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,210
(thunderclap)
208
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:05,250
Penny for your thoughts?
209
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:06,570
I don't have any change.
210
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,220
Saucy.
Shut up.
211
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:09,940
Do not pass go.
What?
212
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:12,260
Chicken butt.
I hate you.
213
00:08:12,330 --> 00:08:14,490
Got your nose!
(groans)
214
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,710
Stan, what are you doing?
215
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,630
I'm dropping an anchor to stop us.
216
00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,260
We could crash into something
and sink!
217
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,490
Oh, please don't do that!
218
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:28,230
I know an anchor sounds like
a good plan.
219
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:31,300
I can't poke any holes in it, per se.
220
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,480
But based on your history...
(Stan grunts)
221
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:36,320
My wine fridge!
222
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:38,040
I had my cocaine in there!
223
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,710
(deep creaking sound)
224
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,790
See, Francine!
225
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,690
It was a good idea, and it worked!
226
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:48,200
Thanks to me,
the Smith family is safe!
227
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,330
(house creaking)
228
00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:56,040
(All scream)
229
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,340
(All scream)
230
00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:04,000
(Francine and Roger groan)
231
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:06,380
I'll never forget you, Roger!
232
00:09:06,550 --> 00:09:07,510
Just ignore her.
233
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,430
No...!
234
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,640
My sweatshirt!
235
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,920
(Jeff cries)
236
00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:16,020
Don't worry.
I can fix this.
237
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,080
It's jammed!
238
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,520
Ha! Tables have turned, bitches!
239
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:25,480
This whole house is going to flood.
240
00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,980
Tough luck for you dicks
who don't have gills.
241
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:29,850
I guess it's my house now,
242
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,710
and I can go wherever I want!
243
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,090
(laughs hysterically)
244
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,880
See you never, goat-(bleep)!
245
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,710
(screams)
This is salt water!
246
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:42,020
It burns!
247
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,630
(gasping)
Put me back, put me back!
248
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:46,570
(panting)
249
00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:48,090
Whew!
250
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,710
(laughs sheepishly):
So...
251
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:56,560
a lot of funny jokes
happened just now, ja?
252
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,500
We're completely upside down!
253
00:09:58,570 --> 00:10:00,500
Aw, look Steve.
254
00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:02,900
Our glow-in-the-dark
star stickers are still here.
255
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,260
Remember that night we camped
out in the living room?
256
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,020
We told ghost stories and you
had your first big-boy dream?
257
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:09,440
Such volume!
258
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:10,790
(faint pounding from below)
259
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,460
That must be the others,
in the attic!
260
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:13,660
We have to help them!
261
00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,410
Hmm. Looks like we can use
262
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,570
this vertical access
aft to get down there.
263
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,490
Those are the stairs, Steve.
264
00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,520
We need to make some kind of rope...
265
00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:22,860
maybe out of curtains.
266
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,160
As if!
267
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:25,930
You think I'm gonna risk
my neck for Stan,
268
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:27,060
after what he did to my wine fridge?!
269
00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:27,920
No way!
270
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,700
But... what about your wigs?
271
00:10:30,770 --> 00:10:31,930
They're all in the attic.
272
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:34,700
(gasps)
Get out of my way! I'll kill you!
273
00:10:34,770 --> 00:10:36,170
(crashes)
274
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,640
(debris clattering)
275
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:40,170
ROGER (in pain):
Franny... we need to make...
276
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,610
some kind of rope
277
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,010
perhaps...
278
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,650
out of curtains.
279
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,410
(creaking)
I couldn't get the window shut!
280
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:47,750
The water is rising!
281
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,610
I'll get us out of this!
282
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:52,000
(crying)
283
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:54,250
I'm... not gonna make it, babe!
284
00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:57,170
I-I want you to take my Hacky Sack...
285
00:10:57,260 --> 00:11:00,340
and-and give it to our grandchildren.
286
00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:01,680
Jeff, we don't even have kids.
287
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,150
I know.
288
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,980
That's why...
I want you to...
289
00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:06,730
take this folded-up candy wrapper.
290
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,600
Don't ask me how I did it.
291
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:11,840
Just take it and start our family.
292
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,210
It looks like this corridor
should take us
293
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,210
directly to the main attic access.
294
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,780
It's not a corridor, it's a hallway!
295
00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:21,110
You need to stop with
the architect jargon.
296
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,850
Seriously.
Look at me.
297
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,480
You need to zip it, lock it
and put it in your pocket.
298
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:27,990
FRANCINE:
Stan?!
299
00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:29,060
It's Mom!
300
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,390
She's gonna save us!
301
00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:31,560
We don't need saving.
302
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,040
I've got this under control.
303
00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:35,310
I'm here, Francine!
Don't panic!
304
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:36,800
I'll get us through this!
305
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,220
FRANCINE:
What?
306
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,080
Stan, we're moving
the stuff off the door!
307
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,370
Just hang on!
308
00:11:42,470 --> 00:11:44,300
That's real good, honey!
Keep your spirits up!
309
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,140
I'm coming!
310
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,890
There, there, you're safe now.
311
00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,260
The wigs!
They're all gone!
312
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:59,050
Half of those belonged
to Brendan Fraser!
313
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,400
Oh, thank the stars you made it!
314
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,560
Come here, I've got you!
315
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,060
Oh, bless you, Roger!
316
00:12:04,230 --> 00:12:05,860
KLAUS:
I was afraid I...
317
00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:07,860
Thank God this one survived.
318
00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:10,070
I can still go to cowboy weddings.
319
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,920
Nein!
320
00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:16,550
Okay, one at a time.
321
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:19,170
The rope isn't very strong.
322
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,820
I don't want to die here!
323
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:23,140
I'm supposed to die
in the medical tent
324
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:24,260
at a music festival!
325
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,870
(Jeff screaming)
326
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,310
Jeff, no!
327
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,720
Ow!
328
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,210
Jeff! Now we lost our rope!
329
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,270
(sobbing):
I'm so sorry!
330
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:35,160
Get ahold of yourself!
331
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,590
Huh.
332
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:43,500
Huh.
333
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,300
How are we gonna get up there now?
334
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:48,000
Get us out of here, Mrs. S!
335
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:49,360
No!
I'll save us!
336
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,800
We, uh... we should...
337
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,240
open a window and flood this floor!
338
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,650
The rising water will carry us
right up to the living room.
339
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:59,070
There's no way we're doing
another one of your ideas, Stan!
340
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,490
HAYLEY:
Maybe we should.
341
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:04,920
What?
342
00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:06,790
Look, I know Dad's decisions
haven't worked out,
343
00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:08,820
but he is trying.
344
00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:09,990
I say we open the window...
345
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,290
unless anyone has a better idea...
346
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,360
based in reality.
347
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,180
Okay, then.
Window it is.
348
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,180
Thank you, Hayley.
349
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,400
You're welcome, Dad.
350
00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:25,930
(Hayley screams)
351
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,620
Ahh!
352
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:30,610
(trailing off):
Dad was wrong...
353
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:33,410
Wow, what a beautiful creature.
354
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,220
And we know so little about them.
355
00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:41,950
Hayley!
Hayley!
356
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,410
Oh, God! Oh, God!
357
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,250
That shark's in here, man!
358
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,920
If they're really attracted
to blood, then it's in my room,
359
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:51,620
attacking the boxers I wore
the day Francine made tacos.
360
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:53,170
Just leave me behind!
361
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:54,920
I am bad in a crisis.
362
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:56,490
And it got Hayley killed!
363
00:13:56,550 --> 00:13:57,960
Don't give up, Dad.
364
00:13:58,010 --> 00:13:59,970
We got the window closed
and we'll find her.
365
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,800
(muffled groaning)
366
00:14:02,850 --> 00:14:05,300
It's the ghost of Hayley risen
up from the depths of hell!
367
00:14:05,350 --> 00:14:07,310
She has unfinished business with me!
368
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,670
Leave me be, specter!
369
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,640
No, she's alive!
370
00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:12,480
Why would you assume
she went to hell?
371
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,440
Hayley?!
372
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:18,770
What's on the bottom
of your mattress, Steve?
373
00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:21,840
So many of the girls
are Asian, and pregnant.
374
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,570
She's not in here,
we should keep moving.
375
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,410
Shark!
376
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:29,640
Oh, thank god.
It's just a dead girl.
377
00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:30,880
Ah!
378
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,530
Roger, you came back for me.
379
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,040
Uh, okay.
380
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:39,510
Do you want to come to dinner
at my parents' house on Tuesday?
381
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,920
What did you find?!
I-Is it Hayley?!
382
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,970
No, it's nothing.
Just a cushion.
383
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:48,150
We're going to have lots of babies.
384
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:50,850
No, no, no, no, no, no.
385
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,830
She's not in here, either.
386
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,190
Where's your father?
387
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,770
The shark got him!
388
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:58,690
Stan! Hayley!
389
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,190
I don't see any...
390
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,200
(groaning):
Oh!
391
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,110
Hayley!
392
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,910
Careful!
393
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:08,380
The shark let me go when I
jammed my one-hitter in its eye,
394
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,070
but I think it's
still here somewhere.
395
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,010
Hang on, Hayley.
396
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,130
Mama's coming.
397
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:30,350
(whispering):
Does anyone have Chap Stick?
398
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,290
I got you, honey.
399
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,480
It's okay...
400
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,400
(screaming)
401
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,080
Go, go, go!
402
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,320
(thudding)
403
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:44,820
We have to go up!
404
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:46,770
Oh!
405
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:51,950
(shark growling)
406
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,230
(sighs)
(creaking)
407
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,400
We did it!
408
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:56,510
We got away.
409
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,670
Okay, according to the blueprints...
410
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,200
(yelling)
411
00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:02,840
It's hungry for flesh and knowledge!
412
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,130
(screaming)
413
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,020
(crying)
414
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:08,340
Don't look at me, whore!
415
00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:10,460
We both know what this is!
416
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:11,750
It's love!
417
00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:14,270
Forever love!
418
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,230
(crying)
419
00:16:17,690 --> 00:16:18,820
Stan! Oh.
420
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,270
(laughs sheepishly):
Didn't see you there.
421
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,190
Sneaky. A sneaky boy is what you are.
422
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,780
Francine was right about me, Klaus.
423
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:30,950
The farther away from the family
I am, the safer they'll be.
424
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,470
HAYLEY: There he is! There he is!
425
00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:33,830
STEVE:
Look at all his teeth!
426
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,200
They don't sound very safe, Stan.
427
00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:36,490
You'd better get in there!
428
00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:38,990
I want to, but I'll only
make things worse
429
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,590
- with my bad decisions.
FRANCINE: - Aah, look!
430
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,460
Look, Stan, everyone
makes bad decisions,
431
00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:45,430
but it's a numbers game.
432
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,220
Eventually, you're bound
to make the right call.
433
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:49,260
(Hayley screaming in distance)
I am?
434
00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:50,500
Sure.
(blows landing nearby)
435
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:51,770
Look at Nicolas Cage.
436
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,840
He made many horrible movies.
437
00:16:53,890 --> 00:16:56,060
Snake Eyes, Eight Millimeter,
438
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,640
Gone in Sixty Seconds,
439
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,110
Captain Corelli's Mandolin,
Windtalkers...
440
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,680
(blows landing, indistinct shouting)
441
00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:02,150
...Ghost Rider, Family Man,
442
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,480
Weather Man, Wicker Man,
Bangkok Dangerous.
443
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,120
(Francine screaming)
444
00:17:06,180 --> 00:17:09,790
But then he nailed it, Stan,
with National Treasure Two,
445
00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:12,070
the greatest movie of all time!
446
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,490
(distant screaming)
He did nail it!
447
00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:17,960
He nailed it so hard that he
became a national treasure...
448
00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:19,380
too.
449
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:20,500
STEVE:
Mom, behind you!
450
00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:21,630
(Francine screams)
My God!
451
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:23,050
(blows landing, screaming)
452
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:25,640
If Nicolas Cage can recover
from his bad decisions
453
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,920
and make a great one, so can I!
454
00:17:28,010 --> 00:17:28,970
That's the spirit.
455
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,480
I'm going to save my family!
456
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,930
(monkey hooting,
lion roaring)
457
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,100
And this time, I'm going
to make the right call.
458
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:39,600
I don't want to die yet.
459
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,440
I haven't experienced
the disappointment
460
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,770
of being in a monogamous
sexual relationship.
461
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:45,190
(whimpers)
462
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,390
STAN:
Help has arrived!
463
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,990
(growling)
464
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:49,740
(all screaming)
STAN: It's okay.
465
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,910
I let the bear in to kill the shark.
466
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,740
They're natural enemies
since the dawn of time.
467
00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:57,670
(growls)
468
00:17:57,740 --> 00:18:00,000
(growling)
469
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,590
They're working in tandem!
470
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:02,960
They're brothers in arms!
471
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:04,130
(grunts)
472
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,800
(growling)
473
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,550
Just a hiccup. Don't worry.
474
00:18:07,610 --> 00:18:09,090
I'm Nic Caging this mother!
475
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:10,760
(metallic clanging)
476
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:11,920
(hissing)
477
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:14,440
This time, I'll make the right call.
478
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,260
I'm gonna electrocute them!
479
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,070
Oh, Stan, I don't think...
480
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,810
Aah!
481
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,140
(whimpering)
482
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,480
(wood creaking)
483
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,490
Don't worry. I'm on this.
484
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,610
Next time, I'm bound
to make the right call.
485
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,610
You're killing us, Mr. S!
486
00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:39,240
Stop it!
Stay calm, Jeff!
487
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:40,410
I'll get us through this.
488
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:41,530
You have to let...
(groans)
489
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,030
me... (punching)
(groans)
490
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,300
help... you...
(groans)
491
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:46,220
FRANCINE: - Stan!
- I know, honey.
492
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,340
You believe in me again.
493
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,040
No!
494
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,010
You're making everything
much, much worse!
495
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,910
Now look me in the eyes.
496
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:56,410
I'm going to tell you
exactly what to do.
497
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,140
You need to go out and get help.
498
00:18:59,310 --> 00:19:01,810
No more decisions or ideas.
499
00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:05,480
Go outside and get help, okay?!
500
00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:06,800
Okay, I hear you.
501
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:08,310
I really do.
502
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,110
But I'm not going to do that.
503
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,740
Because I have a better idea.
504
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:15,200
My old college javelin.
505
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,080
Remember?
506
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,650
I'll harpoon the bear,
507
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,370
and the bear blood will distract
the shark, and we can escape!
508
00:19:22,540 --> 00:19:24,330
Stan!
509
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,250
(wind whipping)
510
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:27,730
No!
511
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:33,700
No!
512
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,840
(tranquilizer gun fires)
513
00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:39,890
(tranquilizer gun fires)
514
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,220
(tranquilizer gun fires)
515
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:43,100
Ow!
516
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,260
(birds singing)
517
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,030
(groaning)
518
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,470
Sorry about tranquilizing you, Stan.
519
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,300
I-I wasn't sure who was doing
the most damage down there.
520
00:19:56,370 --> 00:19:57,710
It's okay.
521
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:59,510
You did the right thing, Buckle.
522
00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:02,370
You harpooned me.
523
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:05,080
I told you to go out and get help...
524
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:07,280
and you harpooned me.
525
00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:09,250
I'm so sorry, Francine.
526
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,220
I just wanted to prove
I'm good in a crisis.
527
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:14,320
I failed.
528
00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:19,030
Stan, 99% of the time,
there is no crisis,
529
00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:22,300
and you're a wonderful
husband and father.
530
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,300
But what about when there is one?
531
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:26,580
It's the man's job
to protect his family.
532
00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:28,550
And you can, honey...
533
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:31,610
by getting the hell out
of the way and doing nothing.
534
00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:34,900
Huh. Do nothing.
535
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:39,410
Francine, we both know
I'm not going to do that.
536
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,930
I wonder how much damage
the hurricane did
537
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:42,990
to the neighborhood.
538
00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,020
Oh, what a day.
539
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:51,250
CLEVELAND:
Tell me about it.
540
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:53,300
I don't even know
where the hell I am.
541
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,840
Looter!
Self defense!
542
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:58,130
A black and a white talking
as if it's normal!
543
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,300
Peter, what are you doing?
544
00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:02,640
You know me!
545
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,250
Everybody shut up and let me think!
546
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,570
Just let me think!
547
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:06,790
Stan, have you...?
(fires gun)
548
00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:08,330
(crying)
549
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:12,850
(laughs)
Oh, man. Classic American Dad.