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Previously on Desperate Housewives

2
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Ladies.

3
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Renee was charmed by the new neighbor.

4
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Dibs.

5
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Trying to protect Gaby,
Carlos committed murder.

6
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:14,922
We are never gonna be able
to tell anybody about this.

7
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Are you gonna be able to live with that?

8
00:00:16,714 --> 00:00:19,593
And the women swore to keep the secret.

9
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But then Bree received a warning.

10
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,725
When I was alive,

11
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Bree Van De Kamp was one
of my closest friends.

12
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Maybe that's because we
had so much in common.

13
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Like Bree, I also received
a menacing letter...

14
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One that threatened to
shatter the perfect life

15
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I had worked so hard to create.

16
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You see, I had once committed
a desperate act of my own.

17
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And despite my best
efforts to conceal it,

18
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someone found out and
was determined to expose me.

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I thought about telling my friends.

20
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But I decided not to burden them.

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I had hoped that with one final act,

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I could consign my deeds to history.

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But I had forgotten that history...

24
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has a way of repeating itself.

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Something interesting?

26
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No. No, just a... letter...

27
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from a friend who I haven't,
uh, heard from in a while.

28
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You okay?

29
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I'm fine.

30
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I'm just annoyed

31
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because the, uh, postman left me
Gaby's water bill again.

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You go in. I'll just
put it back in the box.

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All right.

34
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Oh, Karen.

35
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You scared me. What are
you doing out so late?

36
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What am I, a cat?
I'm allowed to be out past 10:00.

37
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I'm sorry. Have you seen
anyone near my mailbox?

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What's the problem?

39
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I just... got a letter.

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An obscene letter.

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That's all?

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You oughta be happy that someone
still finds you obscene.

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Last week, I got called
"Sir" three times.

44
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Karen! This is serious.

45
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I need to find out who put
this letter in my mailbox.

46
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Wow, you're really shaken up.

47
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Yes, I am.

48
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This is very upsetting,

49
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and I don't know what I'm going to do.

50
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It's just a note, Bree. Let it go.

51
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Yes, Bree Van De Kamp and
I had so much in common.

52
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We shared similar lives.

53
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And now Bree found herself praying

54
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that we wouldn't share a similar fate.

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In the divided world of the suburbs,

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everyone is looking
for a way to connect.

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They fend off loneliness
with casual conversation.

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They share old treasures
with a young friend.

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They help a neighbor
make a difficult move.

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But for Carlos and Gaby Solis,

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the only connection that mattered

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was the romantic one.

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And when it came to maintaining it,

64
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Gaby was willing to
pull out all the stops.

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What are we celebrating?

66
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A new record. It's been
38 days since we last had sex,

67
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and that streak is ending tonight.

68
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Seriously, it's been that long?

69
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38 days.

70
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That's like three years in hoo-hah time.

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Sweetie, I would love to,

72
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but I have way too much work to do.

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Unh-unh. No, no. No excuses.

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I changed the sheets, shaved my legs,

75
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and dumped the kids at McCluskey's,

76
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so drop your pants,
cowboy, and saddle up.

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Yes, ma'am.

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Oh!

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Don't feel bad.
It happens to lots of men.

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Not to me. Not to us.

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Well, it has been 38 days.

82
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Maybe the poor little
guy forgot what to do.

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Not helping.

84
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Oh.

85
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Listen, you've been under
a lot of stress lately.

86
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So relax.

87
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How about I give you a nice massage,

88
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we finish the champagne,
and later we try again?

89
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Gaby, thanks, but it's
not gonna work, okay?

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Like Carlos, Susan Delfino was
also feeling disconnected.

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Her guilt made the world
a strange and scary place...

92
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where she could be
exposed at any moment.

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Hey! Hold it right there!

94
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I know what you did.

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What?

96
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Yeah, and you're not
getting away with it.

97
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You thought you could walk
out with a case of soda

98
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and no one would notice?

99
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Oh. Uh...

100
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I-I forgot those were down there.

101
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Yeah. Right. I've never
heard that one before.

102
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Ma'am, I'm gonna ask you
to step away from the cart

103
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and keep your hands where I can see 'em.

104
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Everything okay here?

105
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If you consider larceny okay.

106
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Mrs. Delfino,

107
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on behalf of Fairview market,
I'd like to apologize for Kevin.

108
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Seems we're all paying the price

109
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for his rejection from
the police academy.

110
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Oh, well, excuse me for not
wanting to live in a world

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where people can commit crimes

112
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without suffering the consequences.

113
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You are a criminal.

114
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I've known Mrs. Delfino for years.

115
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She pays for the grapes
she eats in the produce section.

116
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She would never do anything bad.

117
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Sure, I would.

118
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What?

119
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You don't know me at all.

120
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I'm a very bad person.
I did a horrible thing.

121
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I deserve to be punished.

122
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Let me cuff her. I have cuffs.
I brought 'em from home.

123
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No one's getting cuffed.

124
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Just... pay for the soda
next time you come in.

125
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No, no, no. No,
you need to march me inside

126
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- and make me pay now.
- Mrs. Delfino...

127
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I'm serious.

128
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Make an example of me
to deter other criminals.

129
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- Fine. Take her in.
- Copy that.

130
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Yep. Did the crime. Doing the time.

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Dead man walking.

132
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So what's the damage?

133
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An arm and a leg? Just an arm?

134
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Not even a finger.
It's a cracked fitting.

135
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I swapped it out. It's no charge.

136
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Really? The first guy I called

137
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said I had to re-pipe the whole house.

138
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Oh, it's a scam.

139
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These pipes are top-of-the-line copper.

140
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The guy that put 'em in did a great job.

141
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How do you know? It was me.

142
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You just saved me 10 grand.

143
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No wonder people say such
good things about you.

144
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Well...

145
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What are neighbors for?

146
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Need anything else, just holler.

147
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Actually, there is one thing.

148
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I'm a real estate developer,

149
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about to break ground on a new project,

150
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and, uh, I'm looking for some help...

151
00:08:03,606 --> 00:08:05,298
local guys that I can trust.

152
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,012
You interested?

153
00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:19,955
Hey, Mike. Got a minute?

154
00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:21,598
Um... Hey, Renee.

155
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We're friends, right?

156
00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:24,763
Well...

157
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Oh, come on. You fixed
my toilet for free.

158
00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:29,529
Um, that wasn't free. I sent you a bill.

159
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You just haven't paid it.

160
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Ahh. Anyway, look, here's the deal.

161
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Uh, Ben likes me.
He just doesn't know it yet.

162
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Now I need to find that
thing that we connect on.

163
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You've been on the inside.
What can you tell me about him?

164
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Well, he's got copper pipes.

165
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Something personal.

166
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I saw a box of cheerios...
and a coffeemaker.

167
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He must like coffee.
Unless it's for guests.

168
00:09:00,093 --> 00:09:02,699
Oh, my god. I got more
out of the cable guy,

169
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and he's deaf.

170
00:09:03,818 --> 00:09:07,419
Does he have any photos?
Artwork? Think, Delfino, think!

171
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Okay.

172
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:09,765
Okay. Um...

173
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There was this plaque from the mayor...

174
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Something about his
work with the elderly.

175
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Really?

176
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He likes the elderly?

177
00:09:18,888 --> 00:09:20,367
Well, I like the elderly.

178
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Since when?

179
00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:24,623
Oh. Old people are adorable.

180
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I love their little raisin faces

181
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and those tennis balls
they put on their walkers.

182
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Thanks for the tip...

183
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Friend.

184
00:09:39,415 --> 00:09:40,030
Mom!

185
00:09:40,031 --> 00:09:41,506
Hey, how was your day?

186
00:09:41,507 --> 00:09:43,938
Awesome. Dad's hotel is so cool.

187
00:09:43,939 --> 00:09:45,930
We went swimming in
the pool and played marco polo

188
00:09:45,931 --> 00:09:47,405
and cannonballed off the diving board.

189
00:09:47,406 --> 00:09:48,536
Why don't we have a pool?

190
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And then we got hamburgers
and french fries

191
00:09:50,369 --> 00:09:51,848
and super-sized cherry cola slushies.

192
00:09:51,849 --> 00:09:54,835
Ah. Sugar and caffeine.

193
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:56,883
I guess you figured
they were too young for meth?

194
00:09:57,216 --> 00:09:58,488
It's just a slushie.

195
00:09:58,489 --> 00:10:00,739
On a school night.
She's gonna be up till 2:00 A.M.

196
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,103
Just 'cause you couldn't say "No."

197
00:10:02,104 --> 00:10:03,657
You're blowing this out of proportion.

198
00:10:03,658 --> 00:10:05,155
Who wants to play mega monopoly?

199
00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:07,641
It's just like regular
monopoly but with more stuff.

200
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,482
You just keep playing and playing

201
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,271
and playing and playing and playing...

202
00:10:11,272 --> 00:10:13,322
Yeah. Way out of proportion.

203
00:10:13,323 --> 00:10:16,243
Look, now that we're really separated,

204
00:10:16,244 --> 00:10:18,306
I refuse to be the bad guy all the time.

205
00:10:18,307 --> 00:10:20,049
You have got to learn to say "No."

206
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:21,788
I say it.

207
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,384
Tonight when we walked
past the pet shop,

208
00:10:23,385 --> 00:10:25,849
they wanted a spider monkey.
I said "No."

209
00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:28,562
I'm serious. Things are different now.

210
00:10:28,648 --> 00:10:30,538
I'm not gonna let this
be the house of pain

211
00:10:30,539 --> 00:10:32,829
while you're living it up
at the MTV beach house.

212
00:10:33,787 --> 00:10:34,623
You're right.

213
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,896
Things are different now.

214
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,198
For instance, I used to have to
stand here and listen to this.

215
00:10:40,377 --> 00:10:43,545
But now I'm thinking... no.

216
00:10:46,787 --> 00:10:50,174
Hey, look at that. I'm getting
pretty good at this "No" thing.

217
00:10:58,536 --> 00:11:00,940
It's bad enough when we weren't
even trying to have sex,

218
00:11:00,941 --> 00:11:02,253
but to try and fail?

219
00:11:02,254 --> 00:11:03,920
Well, do you think it
might have something to do

220
00:11:03,921 --> 00:11:05,492
with the stress Carlos is under?

221
00:11:05,493 --> 00:11:07,786
We're all under stress.
You know what's stressful?

222
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:09,887
Is not having sex for 39 1/2 days.

223
00:11:10,324 --> 00:11:12,346
You're sounding a little callous.

224
00:11:12,891 --> 00:11:15,815
I don't mean to. It's just,
sex is important to us.

225
00:11:15,816 --> 00:11:18,879
Even in our toughest times,
it's what always held us together.

226
00:11:19,639 --> 00:11:21,822
If we don't have that,
I'm worried what will happen to us.

227
00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:23,175
I get that.

228
00:11:23,463 --> 00:11:25,021
So... come on, girls.

229
00:11:25,282 --> 00:11:27,511
How can I spice things
up in the bedroom?

230
00:11:29,329 --> 00:11:30,899
Is this actually happening?

231
00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:33,737
Gabrielle Solis is
asking us for sex tips?

232
00:11:33,738 --> 00:11:35,861
I know! It's the apocalypse.

233
00:11:36,316 --> 00:11:38,110
Well, if you don't mind harsh lighting

234
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:40,707
and blatant misogyny,
you can always watch a porno.

235
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,685
Watched one. Filmed one. Next.

236
00:11:42,983 --> 00:11:44,585
This may shock you,

237
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:48,783
but sometimes Mike and I
like doing it in public.

238
00:11:48,981 --> 00:11:50,804
Huh. Those of us who wandered

239
00:11:50,805 --> 00:11:53,170
by Santa's workshop at
the Christmas carnival...

240
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,402
Not that shocked.

241
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,596
You could try role-playing.

242
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,586
Once, I dressed up in
a french maid's costume,

243
00:11:59,587 --> 00:12:01,739
and Orson pretended to
be a stubborn stain,

244
00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:03,584
and why is everybody looking at me?

245
00:12:04,186 --> 00:12:06,592
Seriously, guys, I need some new moves.

246
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,789
Well, there's this one mom at school...

247
00:12:08,790 --> 00:12:10,241
and I promised
I wouldn't use her name...

248
00:12:10,242 --> 00:12:12,985
Betty Cunningham...
who hired a stripper to teach her

249
00:12:12,986 --> 00:12:14,846
how to give her husband a lap dance.

250
00:12:14,847 --> 00:12:16,446
Well, I don't know what
a stripper could teach me,

251
00:12:16,447 --> 00:12:17,911
but it's worth a shot.

252
00:12:17,961 --> 00:12:19,745
You really think that's gonna work?

253
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,601
Why wouldn't it?

254
00:12:23,523 --> 00:12:26,699
Because... I get where
Carlos is coming from.

255
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:30,337
This kind of guilt can
really mess with your head.

256
00:12:32,238 --> 00:12:33,839
Something you wanna talk about?

257
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,215
Okay, the other day,

258
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,344
I accidentally took a case
of soda from the supermarket,

259
00:12:40,345 --> 00:12:42,297
and the security guard
started yelling at me.

260
00:12:42,298 --> 00:12:43,775
And at first, I was like, "No,"

261
00:12:43,776 --> 00:12:46,429
but then I was like "Yes, I deserve it."

262
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,265
"I deserve to be punished."

263
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:51,343
It felt right to be publicly
humiliated like that,

264
00:12:51,344 --> 00:12:53,138
and why is everybody looking at me?

265
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:56,141
'Cause there's a bucket of crazy
where your head used to be.

266
00:12:57,896 --> 00:12:59,342
So now I'm crazy.

267
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:03,633
I thought you said I could
talk to you about this stuff.

268
00:13:03,635 --> 00:13:04,555
You can,

269
00:13:04,556 --> 00:13:06,889
and we appreciate what
you're grappling with,

270
00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:09,841
but you cannot go around
attracting attention like that.

271
00:13:10,228 --> 00:13:11,491
It's not safe.

272
00:13:11,596 --> 00:13:12,624
Exactly.

273
00:13:12,864 --> 00:13:15,308
So knock it off and go
get me some more coffee!

274
00:13:18,158 --> 00:13:19,654
What? She likes to be yelled at.

275
00:13:23,657 --> 00:13:24,520
Hey, you.

276
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:28,336
Uh, I thought you were, uh, at work.

277
00:13:28,645 --> 00:13:30,434
I pronounce the city of Fairview

278
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,262
safe enough to have lunch with my girl.

279
00:13:33,718 --> 00:13:35,166
Oh, that would be lovely,

280
00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:38,112
but I have something
I need to do. Shoot.

281
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,314
Oh, yeah? Like what?

282
00:13:42,646 --> 00:13:43,504
What?

283
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:46,602
Unless it's a... it's a big secret.

284
00:13:49,492 --> 00:13:50,719
Is it a big secret?

285
00:13:52,428 --> 00:13:53,391
Chuck.

286
00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:57,232
I'm sorry. You're right. I...

287
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,957
You don't owe me any explanations.

288
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:05,476
I just... I just need
to know that we're okay.

289
00:14:06,233 --> 00:14:07,136
Chuck...

290
00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:10,327
My feelings for you have not changed,

291
00:14:10,328 --> 00:14:12,243
just my schedule for the day.

292
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,367
Mwah.

293
00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:14,941
Well, that's good,

294
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:17,268
because suspicion can be
a great trait in police work,

295
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,106
but it's horrible in a relationship.

296
00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:20,990
Just ask my ex.

297
00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:23,812
I never wanna be that guy again.

298
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,022
Hello there, Karen.

299
00:14:47,363 --> 00:14:48,301
"Karen"?

300
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:51,417
What happened to "Liver spot"
or "6 feet under"

301
00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:53,511
or one of your other cute nicknames?

302
00:14:53,624 --> 00:14:55,492
No, no, I can't come in!

303
00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:58,653
I'm just dropping off
another home-cooked meal!

304
00:14:58,956 --> 00:15:01,748
What meal? What the hell
are you yelling for?

305
00:15:01,749 --> 00:15:03,460
Just lift the napkin.

306
00:15:04,785 --> 00:15:07,142
50 bucks. What's the catch?

307
00:15:07,143 --> 00:15:09,927
Don't look now,
but do you see Ben over there?

308
00:15:13,492 --> 00:15:15,210
Mm. Subtle.

309
00:15:15,487 --> 00:15:17,807
Anyway, he has a soft
spot for old people,

310
00:15:17,808 --> 00:15:20,815
and as far as he knows, so do I.

311
00:15:21,685 --> 00:15:24,880
No, no, your crinkled little smile

312
00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:26,859
is thanks enough for me.

313
00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:28,904
Are you petting me?

314
00:15:29,898 --> 00:15:31,994
Just say nice things about me to Ben.

315
00:15:32,185 --> 00:15:34,256
Tell him I bring you meals,
that kind of stuff.

316
00:15:34,596 --> 00:15:37,144
Well, it's a pretty big
favor for 50 bucks.

317
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:40,948
Considering I don't like you,
I'll do it for $100.

318
00:15:40,949 --> 00:15:41,872
Fine.

319
00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:44,726
Tomorrow I'll bring you a
c-note and a jell-o mold. Deal?

320
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:45,960
Oh, Renee.

321
00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:47,857
Bless your heart. You're so good to me.

322
00:15:47,858 --> 00:15:50,487
No, you're the one who enriches my life.

323
00:15:50,562 --> 00:15:52,637
The joy I get...

324
00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:54,358
Hands off. He's gone.

325
00:15:59,438 --> 00:16:00,318
Oh, my god.

326
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:03,249
You think I sent this?

327
00:16:04,287 --> 00:16:06,441
You have any idea how
this makes me feel?

328
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:08,387
Forgive me. I didn't
think it was possible

329
00:16:08,388 --> 00:16:10,341
to damage the self-esteem of a murderer.

330
00:16:10,342 --> 00:16:11,957
A confessed murderer.

331
00:16:11,958 --> 00:16:15,045
And this-this is
the only way you can see me?

332
00:16:15,843 --> 00:16:17,658
Paul! Paul.

333
00:16:21,235 --> 00:16:22,199
Please.

334
00:16:27,564 --> 00:16:30,482
I'm sorry. I've just been
so panicked since I got it.

335
00:16:30,483 --> 00:16:33,771
It has the exact same wording as
the letter Mary Alice received.

336
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:35,709
Yes.

337
00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:38,169
That's very weird.

338
00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:42,949
But why are you so worked up about it?

339
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:45,838
I believe Mary Alice
got a little worked up

340
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:46,898
when she got hers.

341
00:16:46,899 --> 00:16:49,793
But she was hiding something.
You aren't.

342
00:16:52,252 --> 00:16:53,272
Right?

343
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:55,369
Of course not.

344
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,638
It's obviously just a cruel prank,

345
00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:00,560
but I still wanna know
who's responsible.

346
00:17:01,597 --> 00:17:04,519
It had to be someone who
knew about the original note.

347
00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:08,644
Well, let's see.
Obviously there's Martha Huber.

348
00:17:09,145 --> 00:17:10,866
Obviously she didn't send it.

349
00:17:10,909 --> 00:17:12,053
Then there's you,

350
00:17:12,054 --> 00:17:13,943
Susan, Lynette, Gaby.

351
00:17:14,465 --> 00:17:16,210
I assume you've already asked them.

352
00:17:17,813 --> 00:17:21,857
Uh, actually, I-I haven't
mentioned it to the girls yet.

353
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,332
I-I still haven't figured
out exactly what it is.

354
00:17:25,861 --> 00:17:27,143
Well, whatever it is,

355
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,399
don't keep it to yourself.

356
00:17:31,099 --> 00:17:33,368
If Mary Alice had shared
her note with you girls...

357
00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:37,105
things might have turned out...

358
00:17:37,617 --> 00:17:38,949
a whole different way.

359
00:17:48,688 --> 00:17:50,342
You know it's recycling day.

360
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:51,266
So?

361
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:52,575
So it looks like you're about

362
00:17:52,576 --> 00:17:54,689
to put kitchen garbage
in your recycling bin.

363
00:17:54,972 --> 00:17:57,657
Oh. I hope I don't get punished.

364
00:18:04,392 --> 00:18:07,962
Oh, here I am, dropping a turkey carcass

365
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,038
in with the recycling.

366
00:18:09,039 --> 00:18:11,424
And here I am, not giving a crap.

367
00:18:17,906 --> 00:18:20,146
Uh-oh. You got me.

368
00:18:21,395 --> 00:18:22,459
Can I bum one?

369
00:18:22,671 --> 00:18:24,401
My old lady made me quit.

370
00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:28,891
17...

371
00:18:30,263 --> 00:18:31,190
18...

372
00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:33,786
19...

373
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,832
Thank god. Those were from last week.

374
00:18:45,493 --> 00:18:48,485
Hello. Uh, Ben, isn't it?

375
00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:50,119
Yes.

376
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:52,248
Uh, listen, uh,

377
00:18:52,249 --> 00:18:54,701
I was just talking to Mrs. McCluskey,

378
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:58,170
and I gotta say, I really misjudged you.

379
00:18:58,406 --> 00:18:59,930
- Oh?
- Yeah.

380
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:02,484
She was telling me all
the ways you've helped her.

381
00:19:02,485 --> 00:19:05,084
Well, I like to think
I'm doing god's work,

382
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:08,903
you know, until he takes her
in her sleep or what have you.

383
00:19:08,904 --> 00:19:11,065
Yeah, I don't know if you knew this,

384
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,671
but I'm quite involved
with seniors myself.

385
00:19:14,525 --> 00:19:18,490
Get out! Look at us,
having things in common.

386
00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:19,537
Yeah.

387
00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:24,818
So is there something
else I can help you with?

388
00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:28,957
Actually, yes. Are you free tonight?

389
00:19:33,242 --> 00:19:34,239
Hey, buddy.

390
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,498
What are you thinking
for dinner tonight?

391
00:19:35,499 --> 00:19:37,019
Mexican? Chinese?

392
00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:38,959
Actually, there's a
party at Rich Cohen's

393
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,951
I was hoping to go to.

394
00:19:39,952 --> 00:19:42,039
Yeah? Don't hope too hard.

395
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,030
Why not?

396
00:19:43,423 --> 00:19:45,384
Remember when Rich turned 13?

397
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,300
It was the only bar mitzvah
ever shut down by the police.

398
00:19:48,301 --> 00:19:49,820
I don't trust his parents.

399
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,990
Well, if you makes you feel better,
they're out of town.

400
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,888
Ooh, an unsupervised party? Even better.

401
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:55,549
We're just gonna be

402
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,491
eating pizza and watching
movies and stuff,

403
00:19:57,492 --> 00:19:59,308
and Rich's older brother will be there.

404
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:02,010
Perfect. Someone to buy the beer.

405
00:20:03,516 --> 00:20:05,884
So you're saying "No"? Again?

406
00:20:06,394 --> 00:20:07,732
Uh...

407
00:20:12,132 --> 00:20:15,403
I'm not saying no.
I'm saying ask your dad.

408
00:20:15,993 --> 00:20:17,782
Hey! I'm just dropping off a check.

409
00:20:17,782 --> 00:20:20,258
Hang on a sec. Parker has
something he wants to ask you.

410
00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:22,717
Parker.

411
00:20:23,332 --> 00:20:25,442
Can I go to a party at
Rich Cohen's house tonight?

412
00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:26,893
What did your mom say?

413
00:20:27,318 --> 00:20:29,578
His mom said he should ask his dad.

414
00:20:31,242 --> 00:20:34,763
Oh. Well... H-his parents
are gonna be there, right?

415
00:20:34,923 --> 00:20:36,388
Nope. No parents.

416
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,299
And... Rich Cohen...

417
00:20:41,299 --> 00:20:43,160
didn't something happen
at his bar mitzvah?

418
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,999
Lots of things happened...
drinking, pot smoking,

419
00:20:45,999 --> 00:20:47,209
the whittaker girl got pregnant.

420
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:49,784
It sounds like you already
made up your mind here.

421
00:20:49,784 --> 00:20:51,363
No, no, no.

422
00:20:51,363 --> 00:20:54,925
I have not made up my mind.
It is entirely up to you.

423
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,123
You hear that, dad? Entirely up to you.

424
00:21:00,956 --> 00:21:03,124
Well... I-it seems like
your mom doesn't think

425
00:21:03,124 --> 00:21:04,105
this is a good idea...

426
00:21:04,105 --> 00:21:05,306
I didn't say that.

427
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,872
I don't not think it's a good idea.

428
00:21:06,914 --> 00:21:09,541
Oh, so you do do think it's a good idea.

429
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:13,255
I don't not think it's not...
not... a good idea.

430
00:21:13,255 --> 00:21:14,431
Okay, I'm confused.

431
00:21:14,431 --> 00:21:15,518
Well, if your mom's not saying "No,"

432
00:21:15,518 --> 00:21:16,785
I'm not saying "No" either.

433
00:21:16,785 --> 00:21:18,422
Oh! Well, if your dad's not saying "No,"

434
00:21:18,422 --> 00:21:20,079
I'm sure as hell not going to say "No."

435
00:21:20,337 --> 00:21:21,492
So is that a "Yes"?

436
00:21:21,602 --> 00:21:24,094
Well... it's not a "No."

437
00:21:24,526 --> 00:21:25,391
Sweet.

438
00:21:33,104 --> 00:21:34,476
Are you sure this thing is safe?

439
00:21:34,778 --> 00:21:36,914
My son plays fireman
on mine all the time.

440
00:21:36,914 --> 00:21:38,245
Do you wanna see a picture?

441
00:21:38,713 --> 00:21:40,600
Let's not make this sadder than it is.

442
00:21:41,005 --> 00:21:43,810
All right, so my husband's having
a little problem In the bedroom.

443
00:21:43,851 --> 00:21:44,979
With his wiener?

444
00:21:45,141 --> 00:21:47,001
Yes, with his... wiener.

445
00:21:47,316 --> 00:21:49,997
Well, you can relax,
because I'm like a doctor,

446
00:21:49,997 --> 00:21:52,764
and I see this problem all
the time with older women.

447
00:21:53,261 --> 00:21:55,247
"Older"? Excuse me.

448
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,891
I don't think our ages
are that far apart.

449
00:21:56,891 --> 00:21:57,836
When were you born?

450
00:21:57,836 --> 00:21:59,108
1992.

451
00:21:59,163 --> 00:22:01,142
Me, too. All right, enough chitchat.

452
00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:02,878
Give me a taste of what
I'm gonna learn here.

453
00:22:11,822 --> 00:22:13,096
Okay. I'd do ya.

454
00:22:13,476 --> 00:22:14,464
Let me try.

455
00:22:14,545 --> 00:22:16,087
That was kind of advanced.

456
00:22:16,087 --> 00:22:19,141
I was thinking maybe we could
start with something simple,

457
00:22:19,141 --> 00:22:20,620
Like grinding on a chair.

458
00:22:20,818 --> 00:22:22,860
Okay, will you stop
treating me like a grandma?

459
00:22:22,891 --> 00:22:25,793
I do yoga and zumba and kickboxing.

460
00:22:25,793 --> 00:22:27,348
I'm in excellent shape.

461
00:22:28,757 --> 00:22:29,743
Okay.

462
00:22:32,795 --> 00:22:33,354
Not bad.

463
00:22:33,354 --> 00:22:35,519
Okay, now ass up, legs out,

464
00:22:35,705 --> 00:22:39,291
and remember, slow is sexy.

465
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,129
Oh, my god.

466
00:22:42,211 --> 00:22:46,400
Okay. Uh... A little
harder than it looks.

467
00:22:46,526 --> 00:22:48,165
No worries.
You'll pick it up in no time.

468
00:22:48,165 --> 00:22:49,409
Six months tops.

469
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,874
What?! I can't wait that long.

470
00:22:52,077 --> 00:22:54,147
I need your moves, your body...

471
00:22:54,668 --> 00:22:57,592
My ass, but basically
I need to be you by tonight.

472
00:23:00,010 --> 00:23:01,368
Hey, what are you doing tonight?

473
00:23:01,519 --> 00:23:03,113
I'm headlining at Double D's.

474
00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:05,367
If I triple your pay,

475
00:23:05,367 --> 00:23:07,330
would you mind being
the opening act here?

476
00:23:11,115 --> 00:23:12,656
Ben, I don't know how the food is,

477
00:23:12,656 --> 00:23:14,627
but I already love this restaurant.

478
00:23:14,665 --> 00:23:16,445
We are the youngest people here.

479
00:23:16,852 --> 00:23:18,724
Oh, this isn't a restaurant.

480
00:23:22,202 --> 00:23:23,701
This is the senior center.

481
00:23:24,083 --> 00:23:26,376
Welcome to the Ben
Faulkner function room.

482
00:23:28,348 --> 00:23:30,070
We're not eating here, are we?

483
00:23:30,093 --> 00:23:31,532
No, no, we're serving.

484
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:35,912
We can eat afterwards if there are,
you know, leftovers.

485
00:23:35,912 --> 00:23:37,571
Oh, fun.

486
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:41,635
Uh, but I'm... I'm a
little underdressed.

487
00:23:43,491 --> 00:23:44,548
There you go.

488
00:23:45,869 --> 00:23:47,205
There. Now you're perfect.

489
00:23:50,885 --> 00:23:53,097
Gaby, F.Y.I., guys who used to be blind

490
00:23:53,097 --> 00:23:54,644
don't enjoy reliving it.

491
00:23:54,803 --> 00:23:56,474
Relax. You're gonna love this.

492
00:23:57,165 --> 00:23:58,674
Now just sit back

493
00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:00,724
and get ready for takeoff.

494
00:24:10,553 --> 00:24:11,595
Yeah.

495
00:24:12,406 --> 00:24:15,177
Wow. You've been working out.

496
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:18,510
I have... but that's not my ass.

497
00:24:19,288 --> 00:24:20,734
It's a professional's.

498
00:24:21,219 --> 00:24:22,946
Meet Dakota.

499
00:24:22,946 --> 00:24:25,160
What the hell? What is this?

500
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,506
A gift from your wife.
I work at Double D's,

501
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:30,063
out by the interstate.

502
00:24:30,383 --> 00:24:32,966
Not the one by the airport
that had the hepatitis scare.

503
00:24:34,198 --> 00:24:35,291
You hired a stripper.

504
00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:37,513
Only as a warm-up act.

505
00:24:37,513 --> 00:24:39,349
Then later on, she'll clear out,

506
00:24:39,349 --> 00:24:41,986
and it's just you and
me for the main event.

507
00:24:42,170 --> 00:24:43,800
Nope. Not doing this.

508
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:46,557
Hang on. Idea. Sit down.

509
00:24:48,651 --> 00:24:50,401
Oh! Okay. What are you doing?

510
00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:51,408
I don't...

511
00:24:52,007 --> 00:24:53,083
Oh, my god. He's right.

512
00:24:53,083 --> 00:24:55,154
Your body... it's like a dolphin.

513
00:24:55,154 --> 00:24:56,238
Give it a little spank.

514
00:24:56,238 --> 00:24:57,686
Nothing will fix his problem quicker

515
00:24:57,686 --> 00:24:59,670
than a little girl-on-girl action.

516
00:25:00,331 --> 00:25:01,325
My "problem."

517
00:25:02,745 --> 00:25:03,870
You told her.

518
00:25:04,416 --> 00:25:05,622
Okay, quick. Make out with me.

519
00:25:05,622 --> 00:25:09,150
Do you have any idea how
embarrassing this is for me?

520
00:25:09,337 --> 00:25:11,601
Thank you, doctor. You can go now.

521
00:25:16,259 --> 00:25:17,546
How could you do that to me?

522
00:25:17,793 --> 00:25:19,719
Try to get our sex life back on track?

523
00:25:20,010 --> 00:25:21,186
Carlos, even at our worst,

524
00:25:21,186 --> 00:25:23,294
this is the one thing
that's always worked for us.

525
00:25:23,693 --> 00:25:25,503
I just want us to get back to normal.

526
00:25:25,503 --> 00:25:27,522
We're never going back to normal!

527
00:25:27,685 --> 00:25:29,241
Don't you understand that?!

528
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,224
What I did...

529
00:25:34,288 --> 00:25:36,026
you can't wish it away.

530
00:25:36,630 --> 00:25:38,832
It is with me all the time,

531
00:25:39,707 --> 00:25:41,017
whether I'm awake

532
00:25:41,487 --> 00:25:42,679
or asleep...

533
00:25:47,374 --> 00:25:48,881
or trying to make love to you.

534
00:25:50,855 --> 00:25:53,308
I'm sorry. I just wish there
was something I could do.

535
00:25:56,562 --> 00:25:57,575
There's not.

536
00:26:08,331 --> 00:26:09,321
What's that?

537
00:26:10,693 --> 00:26:11,702
I don't know.

538
00:26:12,685 --> 00:26:13,720
Is it good?

539
00:26:14,196 --> 00:26:15,847
Let me clue you in on something.

540
00:26:15,847 --> 00:26:19,244
Food is usually either good or free.

541
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:23,264
How come you're dressed so fancy?

542
00:26:23,264 --> 00:26:26,403
Because I'm on a date with
that hot Aussie over there.

543
00:26:28,133 --> 00:26:30,299
He just failed to mention
what the date was.

544
00:26:31,749 --> 00:26:34,386
Ben brought you to sling
food dressed like that?

545
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,515
Honey, I think he's messing with you.

546
00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:49,825
I hope you had a good laugh.

547
00:26:49,946 --> 00:26:52,212
Be thankful I shoved that on your head.

548
00:26:52,383 --> 00:26:53,830
There was another option.

549
00:26:59,694 --> 00:27:00,923
Renee, stop.

550
00:27:01,490 --> 00:27:03,807
Why? So you can mock me some more?

551
00:27:03,807 --> 00:27:05,312
I wasn't mocking you.

552
00:27:07,264 --> 00:27:08,985
Okay, but I mean,
you did kinda deserve it...

553
00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:12,245
I mean, your whole
"I heart old people" thing.

554
00:27:12,976 --> 00:27:15,132
I was trying to find
something we had in common,

555
00:27:15,513 --> 00:27:17,734
and now I know we have
nothing in common.

556
00:27:18,754 --> 00:27:20,948
You're a good person who
does things like this,

557
00:27:20,948 --> 00:27:23,763
and... I'm me.

558
00:27:24,362 --> 00:27:25,659
You're not a good person?

559
00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:27,228
No, Ben, I'm not.

560
00:27:27,990 --> 00:27:32,158
Because truthfully,
doing charity makes me nauseous.

561
00:27:32,243 --> 00:27:33,306
Yeah, me, too.

562
00:27:33,981 --> 00:27:34,606
What?

563
00:27:34,606 --> 00:27:38,220
Makes me uncomfortable, too,
but I know why that is.

564
00:27:38,834 --> 00:27:39,710
Do you?

565
00:27:41,472 --> 00:27:42,807
I don't want to talk about this.

566
00:27:43,302 --> 00:27:45,279
Why? You afraid of saying
something truthful?

567
00:27:49,397 --> 00:27:53,210
When my mom... died,

568
00:27:53,596 --> 00:27:56,465
I was bounced around from
relative to relative,

569
00:27:56,686 --> 00:27:57,674
most of them dirt-poor.

570
00:27:57,674 --> 00:28:01,701
We were on the receiving
end of a lot of charity.

571
00:28:01,859 --> 00:28:04,129
I spent plenty of time
in places like this.

572
00:28:06,104 --> 00:28:07,290
And I hated it.

573
00:28:08,022 --> 00:28:08,847
They hand you something...

574
00:28:08,847 --> 00:28:12,186
a, uh, a dented can of
food or an ugly shirt.

575
00:28:12,347 --> 00:28:15,622
And someone tells you,
"Say 'thank you' to the nice lady."

576
00:28:15,622 --> 00:28:19,604
And you do, but secretly,
you wanna scream, "I hate you."

577
00:28:22,343 --> 00:28:24,806
I know what it's like to claw
your way out of something.

578
00:28:27,366 --> 00:28:28,353
Look at us...

579
00:28:31,257 --> 00:28:32,784
having things in common.

580
00:28:47,698 --> 00:28:49,022
It's about time.

581
00:28:53,076 --> 00:28:54,421
Is there a problem, officer?

582
00:28:54,496 --> 00:28:56,172
Yeah. You're parked in a fire zone.

583
00:28:57,202 --> 00:29:00,003
Oh! Darn the luck, I am.

584
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,185
Well, sounds like
somebody's gonna be slapped

585
00:29:03,185 --> 00:29:04,760
with a pretty steep fine.

586
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,251
Yeah, I should write you a ticket.

587
00:29:09,150 --> 00:29:10,764
But if you promise not to do it again,

588
00:29:10,949 --> 00:29:12,308
I'll let you off with a warning.

589
00:29:12,408 --> 00:29:14,400
What? Why would you do that?

590
00:29:14,948 --> 00:29:17,681
- 'Cause I'm a new dad.
- Oh, jeez.

591
00:29:17,863 --> 00:29:21,398
Abigail Dorothy Brovka,
8 pounds, 6 ounces.

592
00:29:21,629 --> 00:29:22,783
I'm just so happy,

593
00:29:22,816 --> 00:29:23,936
filled with love.

594
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,788
Anything short of a triple murder,

595
00:29:25,788 --> 00:29:28,051
and I'm pretty much
looking the other way.

596
00:29:28,285 --> 00:29:30,552
No, no. No, don't look the other way.

597
00:29:30,552 --> 00:29:32,240
No, look this way.

598
00:29:32,512 --> 00:29:35,416
Laws have been broken.
There must be consequences.

599
00:29:35,517 --> 00:29:37,211
I just wanna get home to my baby.

600
00:29:37,310 --> 00:29:39,514
I mean, look at her, all wrapped up

601
00:29:39,514 --> 00:29:41,431
like the tastiest little
burrito in Fairview.

602
00:29:41,431 --> 00:29:43,721
- Oh, look at that.
- Yeah.

603
00:29:45,124 --> 00:29:46,505
Ah, well...

604
00:29:47,221 --> 00:29:48,417
That was not cool.

605
00:29:49,089 --> 00:29:51,957
Now fortunately for you,
I always carry a backup.

606
00:29:52,459 --> 00:29:53,336
Are you kidding me?

607
00:29:53,336 --> 00:29:55,664
What do I have to do
to get arrested here?

608
00:29:55,664 --> 00:29:58,206
Lady, people like you
used to drive me nuts.

609
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:01,082
But nothing can faze me now
that this sweet little girl's

610
00:30:01,082 --> 00:30:02,118
come into my life.

611
00:30:02,118 --> 00:30:06,392
Well, that sweet little girl...
she's got dumbo ears.

612
00:30:11,505 --> 00:30:12,620
Ma'am, you can turn around

613
00:30:12,620 --> 00:30:13,889
and put your hands behind your back.

614
00:30:14,713 --> 00:30:16,268
You have the right to remain silent.

615
00:30:16,462 --> 00:30:18,617
Anything you say can and
will be used against you

616
00:30:18,617 --> 00:30:19,862
in a court of law.

617
00:30:22,382 --> 00:30:23,259
Hey, Mike.

618
00:30:23,987 --> 00:30:27,086
Um, I, uh, I've got a bit of a problem.

619
00:30:27,086 --> 00:30:29,154
Maybe you can help me out with it.

620
00:30:29,154 --> 00:30:31,442
I can try. What's the problem?

621
00:30:31,842 --> 00:30:32,738
You.

622
00:30:35,129 --> 00:30:38,170
How am I supposed to hire you
when I can't get you bonded?

623
00:30:38,881 --> 00:30:42,018
Who knew? Mike Delfino, suburban dad,

624
00:30:42,018 --> 00:30:44,963
guy who keeps the neatest
lawn on the block,

625
00:30:45,855 --> 00:30:47,077
Ex con?

626
00:30:48,690 --> 00:30:49,494
Yep.

627
00:30:49,812 --> 00:30:51,936
And you were gonna mention this when?

628
00:30:52,331 --> 00:30:54,680
Look, I'm sorry. It's not
something I tend to lead with

629
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,014
when I meet somebody.

630
00:30:56,183 --> 00:30:58,130
'cause you're not that guy anymore.

631
00:30:58,423 --> 00:30:59,478
That's right.

632
00:31:00,875 --> 00:31:03,860
A bad cop tried to rape your girlfriend,

633
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,559
and you fought him to protect her.

634
00:31:07,153 --> 00:31:09,688
Tell me why you wouldn't
wanna be that guy anymore.

635
00:31:09,765 --> 00:31:11,484
It was a long time ago.

636
00:31:12,067 --> 00:31:13,101
I was a kid,

637
00:31:13,137 --> 00:31:16,032
and I've learned life's a lot
more complicated than I thought.

638
00:31:16,529 --> 00:31:18,142
Nah. Nah.

639
00:31:18,279 --> 00:31:20,962
Life is brutally simple.

640
00:31:21,722 --> 00:31:24,975
Life is getting what you want
and protecting who you love...

641
00:31:26,458 --> 00:31:28,111
and everything else is weakness.

642
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,031
A guy like you...

643
00:31:30,929 --> 00:31:32,259
guy like you knows it.

644
00:31:34,558 --> 00:31:36,412
Ben, if this is all just to
tell me you can't use me,

645
00:31:36,412 --> 00:31:37,396
I understand.

646
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,035
No, no, no, no, I didn't say that.

647
00:31:39,035 --> 00:31:40,488
I said I couldn't bond you.

648
00:31:43,325 --> 00:31:44,722
I can definitely use you.

649
00:31:47,931 --> 00:31:49,484
I hope you've cooled off a bit.

650
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,813
Yeah. Well, uh,
spending a few hours in a cell

651
00:31:53,813 --> 00:31:56,262
with a drunk transvestite
will do that to you.

652
00:31:58,346 --> 00:32:00,103
Your baby's cute, by the way.

653
00:32:01,661 --> 00:32:03,617
I swear she'll grow into those ears.

654
00:32:03,788 --> 00:32:06,761
Thanks. The guy you called
to pick you up is here.

655
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:16,466
Carlos, thanks for coming.

656
00:32:17,065 --> 00:32:19,028
I couldn't call Mike, and, uh,

657
00:32:19,028 --> 00:32:20,586
I didn't wanna upset the girls, so...

658
00:32:20,586 --> 00:32:21,466
You okay?

659
00:32:21,912 --> 00:32:24,576
They told me you assaulted
a motorcycle cop.

660
00:32:25,781 --> 00:32:27,868
Actually, it was just a motorcycle.

661
00:32:29,818 --> 00:32:31,111
That doesn't sound like you.

662
00:32:32,072 --> 00:32:33,365
I've been...

663
00:32:34,616 --> 00:32:36,973
in this weird place lately.

664
00:32:38,967 --> 00:32:42,927
I keep doing things,
hoping to get caught.

665
00:32:43,410 --> 00:32:44,370
Does it help?

666
00:32:45,222 --> 00:32:46,723
For five minutes.

667
00:32:49,084 --> 00:32:50,940
And then I just feel guilty again.

668
00:32:54,867 --> 00:32:57,828
I just don't know how to
pull myself out of this.

669
00:32:59,404 --> 00:33:00,312
I get it.

670
00:33:00,965 --> 00:33:04,819
Gaby keeps pushing me to act
like everything is normal.

671
00:33:05,524 --> 00:33:07,898
I guess we're just supposed
to stuff everything down

672
00:33:07,898 --> 00:33:08,956
and move on.

673
00:33:08,974 --> 00:33:10,603
But that's impossible.

674
00:33:11,337 --> 00:33:13,966
The girls are playing poker

675
00:33:14,106 --> 00:33:18,272
and acting like things are fine,
and they're not.

676
00:33:27,850 --> 00:33:30,069
It is nice to be able
to talk about this.

677
00:33:30,114 --> 00:33:31,108
Ohh.

678
00:33:32,307 --> 00:33:33,355
It is.

679
00:33:36,664 --> 00:33:38,184
Do you wanna get some coffee?

680
00:33:41,412 --> 00:33:42,437
Sounds good.

681
00:34:00,905 --> 00:34:02,518
Parker, it's me.

682
00:34:02,518 --> 00:34:04,568
It's getting late. Is everything okay?

683
00:34:04,929 --> 00:34:07,444
Everything is fine, m'lady.

684
00:34:08,251 --> 00:34:09,391
Who's this?

685
00:34:09,472 --> 00:34:10,318
Toph.

686
00:34:10,571 --> 00:34:13,057
If this is a booty call,
Toph is ready to fill in.

687
00:34:14,495 --> 00:34:16,215
Where is Parker?

688
00:34:16,463 --> 00:34:17,632
I don't know, man.

689
00:34:17,918 --> 00:34:18,642
It's kind of

690
00:34:18,642 --> 00:34:20,635
a "Lord of the flies" situation here.

691
00:34:21,746 --> 00:34:23,784
So... are we hooking up or what?

692
00:34:24,709 --> 00:34:25,572
Oh!

693
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:29,254
Parker!

694
00:34:31,041 --> 00:34:32,241
Parker!

695
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:35,022
Excuse me, excuse me.
I'm looking for my son,

696
00:34:35,022 --> 00:34:37,011
Parker Scavo... I'm hoping you know him.

697
00:34:37,011 --> 00:34:40,657
Keg stand! Keg stand!
Keg stand! Keg stand!

698
00:34:40,759 --> 00:34:42,365
And now I'm hoping you don't.

699
00:34:42,365 --> 00:34:45,657
Keg stand! Keg stand!
Keg stand! Keg stand!

700
00:34:45,657 --> 00:34:47,641
Whoa, hold on. This is a private party.

701
00:34:47,641 --> 00:34:49,089
Uh, I'll just be a minute.

702
00:34:49,089 --> 00:34:51,163
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you, some kind of narc?

703
00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:54,354
No, I'm just looking for my son,
I swear. I'm not a narc.

704
00:34:54,354 --> 00:34:56,556
Exactly what a narc would say.

705
00:34:56,881 --> 00:34:57,901
Step aside, kid.

706
00:34:57,901 --> 00:35:00,119
Lady, I said no.

707
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:03,683
Listen to me. My son is here somewhere,

708
00:35:03,683 --> 00:35:06,006
and he is probably drunk
and probably terrified,

709
00:35:06,006 --> 00:35:07,433
and I have got to find him.

710
00:35:07,433 --> 00:35:10,850
Sorry. There's no way we're
letting a narc into our party.

711
00:35:10,946 --> 00:35:12,548
I am not... Ugh!

712
00:35:17,643 --> 00:35:18,428
Okay.

713
00:35:18,559 --> 00:35:20,591
Would a narc do this?

714
00:35:23,494 --> 00:35:24,326
Legs!

715
00:35:25,512 --> 00:35:30,202
Keg stand! Keg stand! Keg stand!
Keg stand! Keg stand!

716
00:35:30,946 --> 00:35:32,072
Lynette?

717
00:35:32,658 --> 00:35:34,028
Uh... Tom!

718
00:35:36,466 --> 00:35:39,193
This isn't what it looks like.
I haven't been drinking.

719
00:35:40,599 --> 00:35:43,247
I mean, a little.
What are you doing here?

720
00:35:43,376 --> 00:35:44,501
Parker called me to pick him up

721
00:35:44,501 --> 00:35:46,598
- because he drank too much.
- Where is he?

722
00:35:46,598 --> 00:35:49,211
He's in the car. He sent me
back because he lost his phone.

723
00:35:49,211 --> 00:35:50,250
Is he okay?

724
00:35:50,331 --> 00:35:53,252
He's covered in puke,
which I'm hoping is-is his.

725
00:35:53,252 --> 00:35:54,436
Oh, god.

726
00:35:54,958 --> 00:35:58,184
This is your fault for
letting him come here.

727
00:35:58,603 --> 00:36:00,844
My fault? You could have stopped him.

728
00:36:00,844 --> 00:36:02,900
Oh, please. You knew it was a bad idea.

729
00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:04,658
You were just too busy testing me.

730
00:36:04,658 --> 00:36:08,489
No, I was giving you a chance
to stand up and be a father.

731
00:36:08,489 --> 00:36:10,180
Now we've got a 16-year-old son

732
00:36:10,180 --> 00:36:11,594
we have to clean off with a garden hose.

733
00:36:11,594 --> 00:36:13,223
I guess you showed me.

734
00:36:23,191 --> 00:36:24,199
He asleep?

735
00:36:24,629 --> 00:36:26,568
Yeah. I thought

736
00:36:26,749 --> 00:36:29,234
let him sober up before we punish him.

737
00:36:31,233 --> 00:36:32,993
I know I shouldn't have
let him go tonight.

738
00:36:35,112 --> 00:36:37,443
But right now saying "Yes"

739
00:36:37,443 --> 00:36:40,312
is the only move I've got.

740
00:36:40,845 --> 00:36:42,159
"Move"?

741
00:36:42,949 --> 00:36:44,030
What is this?

742
00:36:44,434 --> 00:36:46,632
Some kind of game you're trying to win?

743
00:36:47,150 --> 00:36:50,097
Lynette, you have no idea
what this is like for me.

744
00:36:51,698 --> 00:36:54,662
For 20 years, I had
the same bedtime ritual.

745
00:36:54,662 --> 00:36:58,376
I-I brushed my teeth,
and I'd go look at each kid sleeping,

746
00:36:58,376 --> 00:37:01,223
and no matter what crap
happened during the day,

747
00:37:02,435 --> 00:37:04,229
I knew the things that
mattered were okay.

748
00:37:06,353 --> 00:37:07,415
Now my ritual...

749
00:37:08,353 --> 00:37:09,744
I brush my teeth.

750
00:37:10,007 --> 00:37:11,587
So, yes.

751
00:37:13,186 --> 00:37:14,909
I'm doing everything I can
to make the little time

752
00:37:14,909 --> 00:37:17,178
that I spend with them
the best part of their week.

753
00:37:17,851 --> 00:37:19,580
Wow. You're succeeding.

754
00:37:19,810 --> 00:37:22,659
When I see them sprint out to the car,

755
00:37:22,659 --> 00:37:24,768
so excited to see daddy,

756
00:37:25,115 --> 00:37:27,130
part of me thinks, great.

757
00:37:27,543 --> 00:37:29,952
They're okay with this,
and part of me thinks...

758
00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:34,232
oh, crap.

759
00:37:35,331 --> 00:37:37,131
I'm losing them to you.

760
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:40,932
So you're trying to win, too.

761
00:37:40,932 --> 00:37:41,886
No.

762
00:37:47,836 --> 00:37:48,873
I just...

763
00:37:50,396 --> 00:37:52,482
I understand how you feel.

764
00:37:56,398 --> 00:37:58,369
And the only way we're
gonna get through this

765
00:37:58,394 --> 00:38:01,362
Is if we stop worrying about...

766
00:38:04,101 --> 00:38:05,192
who wins.

767
00:38:14,721 --> 00:38:16,272
I'm sorry to burden you with this,

768
00:38:16,272 --> 00:38:18,670
but I just couldn't keep
it to myself anymore.

769
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,234
Why not? Why did you have to tell me?

770
00:38:21,402 --> 00:38:23,370
Repression is, like, your thing.

771
00:38:24,164 --> 00:38:26,039
Okay, let's-let's say someone knows.

772
00:38:26,039 --> 00:38:27,444
They're not asking us for money.

773
00:38:27,526 --> 00:38:29,089
They're not trying to blackmail us.

774
00:38:29,249 --> 00:38:30,757
I say until they tell us what they want,

775
00:38:30,757 --> 00:38:33,447
we just act like everything's normal.

776
00:38:34,255 --> 00:38:35,695
Except I'm drinking a lot more.

777
00:38:36,623 --> 00:38:38,235
You don't think we
should tell the others?

778
00:38:38,378 --> 00:38:40,640
Well, we can't tell Susan.
She's already flipping out.

779
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:41,930
You're right.
And we shouldn't tell Lynette,

780
00:38:41,930 --> 00:38:43,553
given what's going on in her marriage.

781
00:38:43,553 --> 00:38:45,552
Or Carlos, given what's
going on in mine.

782
00:38:47,893 --> 00:38:49,897
So you don't think
we should do anything?

783
00:38:52,063 --> 00:38:53,757
Well, there is one thing
I've been telling you

784
00:38:53,757 --> 00:38:56,575
you need to do. Get rid of Chuck!

785
00:38:56,947 --> 00:38:58,924
You're right. I should, but, um...

786
00:38:58,924 --> 00:39:00,010
But what?

787
00:39:00,161 --> 00:39:01,772
This is gonna sound strange.

788
00:39:03,555 --> 00:39:05,584
He makes me feel safe.

789
00:39:05,892 --> 00:39:08,369
Safe? Yeah, I do think that's strange,

790
00:39:08,369 --> 00:39:10,369
especially now that some lunatic knows.

791
00:39:10,552 --> 00:39:13,160
But you've got to end this,
and you've got to end it now.

792
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:17,778
Chuck?

793
00:39:22,955 --> 00:39:24,292
Now isn't that funny?

794
00:39:25,037 --> 00:39:26,786
I was just thinking to myself,

795
00:39:26,786 --> 00:39:29,203
"How am I gonna wash
my back in the shower?"

796
00:39:30,146 --> 00:39:31,370
And then you walk in.

797
00:39:31,712 --> 00:39:32,886
Serendipity, huh?

798
00:39:34,603 --> 00:39:37,305
Sorry. I'm gonna pass.

799
00:39:39,771 --> 00:39:40,589
Okay.

800
00:39:42,898 --> 00:39:43,887
Is, um...

801
00:39:45,501 --> 00:39:46,728
something on your mind?

802
00:39:47,490 --> 00:39:48,500
It can wait.

803
00:39:50,474 --> 00:39:52,296
- Bree...
- Go ahead. Take your shower.

804
00:40:23,219 --> 00:40:24,116
Hello?

805
00:40:24,419 --> 00:40:25,184
I have a collect call

806
00:40:25,184 --> 00:40:27,164
from Fairview correctional institution.

807
00:40:27,164 --> 00:40:28,531
Will you accept the charges?

808
00:40:28,986 --> 00:40:29,809
Yes.

809
00:40:31,754 --> 00:40:33,546
Bree, it's Paul Young.

810
00:40:34,584 --> 00:40:36,338
I've been thinking about
what you asked me...

811
00:40:36,896 --> 00:40:39,384
You know, who might have known
about Mary Alice's note.

812
00:40:39,698 --> 00:40:40,514
Yeah?

813
00:40:40,936 --> 00:40:43,184
When I confessed to
the murder of Martha Huber,

814
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,076
I mentioned the letter to the police.

815
00:40:48,511 --> 00:40:50,525
Well, do you remember who
these policemen were?

816
00:40:50,595 --> 00:40:52,398
The main detective was a tall guy

817
00:40:52,466 --> 00:40:55,689
with a short name like,
uh, Pence or Vince.

818
00:40:57,343 --> 00:40:59,542
Was it Vance? Chuck Vance?

819
00:40:59,709 --> 00:41:01,277
Yes, that's it.

820
00:41:02,481 --> 00:41:03,475
I have to go.

821
00:41:13,541 --> 00:41:15,739
Okay. I know that was
the shortest shower

822
00:41:15,739 --> 00:41:17,223
I've ever taken, but I...

823
00:41:18,785 --> 00:41:20,699
I really didn't like
the look on your face before.

824
00:41:20,699 --> 00:41:22,361
Be honest with me, Bree.

825
00:41:23,668 --> 00:41:25,318
Are you about to break up with me?

826
00:41:30,689 --> 00:41:32,192
Of course not.

827
00:41:34,635 --> 00:41:37,249
In fact, let's get
you back in that shower.

828
00:41:41,675 --> 00:41:45,096
Yes, in the divided
world of the suburbs,

829
00:41:45,397 --> 00:41:49,494
everyone is looking for some
way to make a connection.

830
00:41:51,894 --> 00:41:56,283
Some seek to connect by
focusing on a greater good...

831
00:41:59,096 --> 00:42:03,068
Some by revealing a common history...

832
00:42:06,224 --> 00:42:08,970
Some by sharing a pain

833
00:42:08,970 --> 00:42:11,478
no one else can heal.

834
00:42:14,195 --> 00:42:15,945
Then there are those

835
00:42:15,976 --> 00:42:18,768
Who once sought to make a connection...

836
00:42:21,099 --> 00:42:25,364
that they now want
desperately to escape.

837
00:42:25,736 --> 00:42:28,564
Sync by YYeTs
Corrected by MystEre
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