1
00:00:01,826 --> 00:00:03,626
It took me a couple of weeks,
2
00:00:03,725 --> 00:00:07,225
but I finally find my favourite things
to do in suburbs:
3
00:00:07,158 --> 00:00:08,278
Sleep.
4
00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:13,069
Tessa, what're you doing?
Let's go before she gets here.
5
00:00:15,211 --> 00:00:18,011
- She's so watering?
- Still watering.
6
00:00:18,404 --> 00:00:19,988
Why didn't you set an alarm?
7
00:00:20,022 --> 00:00:21,356
I kept hitting snooze.
8
00:00:21,390 --> 00:00:23,975
I was having the most amazing
dream about Manhattan.
9
00:00:23,993 --> 00:00:25,577
Yeah? What was so amazing?
10
00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:27,128
We were still living there.
11
00:00:27,163 --> 00:00:28,546
Ha ha.
12
00:00:28,581 --> 00:00:30,281
I can't take it anymore...
13
00:00:30,315 --> 00:00:33,385
Sheila's constant invitations
to dinner every single morning.
14
00:00:33,419 --> 00:00:35,620
I'm running out of
creative ways to say no.
15
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:39,341
Have you tried running her over
with your car? That's creative.
16
00:00:43,329 --> 00:00:46,247
Oh, no. Hose is off.
She's coming, she's coming!
17
00:00:46,298 --> 00:00:47,666
My backpack!
It's upstairs!
18
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,451
No time! Go! Go!
19
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:05,884
Uhh!
20
00:01:13,909 --> 00:01:17,028
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
21
00:01:17,063 --> 00:01:18,446
Aah!
22
00:01:18,481 --> 00:01:20,665
I'm stuck.
Save yourself.
23
00:01:21,717 --> 00:01:22,684
Go!
24
00:01:22,718 --> 00:01:24,953
No, dad.
I won't leave you.
25
00:01:24,987 --> 00:01:27,439
Tessa, go.
26
00:01:27,473 --> 00:01:28,807
Just go.
27
00:01:36,015 --> 00:01:37,499
Well, hiya, neighbor!
28
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,184
Dinner tonight?
29
00:01:40,938 --> 00:01:44,438
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:52,782 --> 00:01:56,534
Bio-scientists have determined
that when you remove an animal
31
00:01:56,569 --> 00:01:58,119
from its indigenous
environment...
32
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,839
For example,
the gentoo penguin...
33
00:02:00,873 --> 00:02:03,425
And deposit said animal
34
00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:05,577
into a region
that it's not accustomed to,
35
00:02:05,611 --> 00:02:10,315
it is far more susceptible
to infectious disease.
36
00:02:10,349 --> 00:02:12,584
Any questions?
37
00:02:12,618 --> 00:02:14,486
Yes, Dalia.
38
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,521
I hate birds.
39
00:02:16,555 --> 00:02:18,022
Thank you, Dalia.
40
00:02:18,057 --> 00:02:22,694
I had to remind myself that,
as bad as I had it,
41
00:02:22,728 --> 00:02:26,030
the gentoo penguin
had it worse.
42
00:02:12,618 --> 00:02:14,486
Yes, Dalia.
43
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,521
I hate birds.
44
00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:34,806
I heard that your family was
coming over for dinner tonight,
45
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,343
and I just wanted to apologize
in advance for my family.
46
00:02:38,377 --> 00:02:39,611
Don't worry about it.
47
00:02:39,645 --> 00:02:41,880
Your family's never as bad
as you think they are.
48
00:02:41,914 --> 00:02:42,947
Hey, Lisa!
49
00:02:42,965 --> 00:02:46,117
This is how dad
does it to mom.
50
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:54,659
Unless they are.
51
00:02:54,693 --> 00:02:57,212
Are you ready to do this?
52
00:02:57,263 --> 00:02:58,963
Wait.
Before we go over there,
53
00:02:58,997 --> 00:03:01,266
we should really figure out
an exit strategy.
54
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:03,017
Oh, that's smart.
Okay, how about this?
55
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,402
After dessert,
I'll say we'd better go
56
00:03:04,436 --> 00:03:06,504
'cause you got to study
for a math test tomorrow.
57
00:03:06,539 --> 00:03:07,889
Come on, dad!
58
00:03:07,923 --> 00:03:10,241
I don't have to study.
I know everything already.
59
00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:12,343
You said that last time,
young lady,
60
00:03:12,378 --> 00:03:14,913
and you ended up with a "D"!
61
00:03:14,947 --> 00:03:16,331
Good.
62
00:03:16,382 --> 00:03:18,466
That felt good.
63
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:22,136
But what if it's before dessert,
and one of us can't take it?
64
00:03:22,188 --> 00:03:23,988
I think we need
a code word.
65
00:03:24,023 --> 00:03:25,456
Uh, "pickles."
66
00:03:26,525 --> 00:03:27,725
"Pickles"?
67
00:03:27,743 --> 00:03:28,910
What,
you got something better?
68
00:03:28,994 --> 00:03:30,245
Fine. "Pickles."
69
00:03:30,279 --> 00:03:32,013
One of us cites "pickles,"
70
00:03:32,064 --> 00:03:35,433
the other cites irritable bowel,
and we're gone. Got it?
71
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:39,470
Got it.
Let's do this.
72
00:03:39,505 --> 00:03:42,507
What is keeping you two?
73
00:03:47,479 --> 00:03:48,913
Do you want your bones?
74
00:03:49,915 --> 00:03:51,282
Yes.
75
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,818
So, George, you never did say
what happened to your wife.
76
00:03:53,853 --> 00:03:56,421
Fred!
It's an honest question.
77
00:03:56,455 --> 00:03:58,122
If George wants,
he can say "no comment."
78
00:03:58,156 --> 00:03:59,757
No comment.
79
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,094
Seriously,
what happened?
80
00:04:03,128 --> 00:04:06,114
Uh, we separated
15 years ago.
81
00:04:06,148 --> 00:04:07,482
I saw this show once
82
00:04:07,516 --> 00:04:09,617
where these twins attached
at the face were separated.
83
00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:12,136
It was awesome.
I think one of 'em died.
84
00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:14,606
I saw that, too.
I think one of 'em did die.
85
00:04:16,442 --> 00:04:18,042
Are you all done here,
honey?
86
00:04:18,077 --> 00:04:20,778
So back to George's
failed marriage. You cheat?
87
00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:21,243
Dad?
88
00:04:21,244 --> 00:04:22,964
I would never dream of
cheating on Sheila.
89
00:04:22,998 --> 00:04:26,701
Couldn't. She watches me
like a hawk... and I love it.
90
00:04:26,735 --> 00:04:27,835
Whoo!
91
00:04:27,870 --> 00:04:31,272
May I be excused?
Having a terrible time.
92
00:04:31,307 --> 00:04:32,457
What about dessert?
93
00:04:32,491 --> 00:04:33,658
Lisa can't have dessert.
94
00:04:33,692 --> 00:04:34,842
Why... why not? The sugar?
95
00:04:34,894 --> 00:04:36,761
No.
96
00:04:36,795 --> 00:04:39,230
Oh! I got it. It's for me.
Lisa has no friends.
97
00:04:39,265 --> 00:04:41,699
Don't listen to him, honey.
You have lots of friends.
98
00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:44,636
We'll be downstairs.
99
00:04:44,670 --> 00:04:46,871
Hey, uh, careful not to
set off the smoke detector
100
00:04:46,906 --> 00:04:48,539
with the gun show.
101
00:04:51,977 --> 00:04:53,544
You girls want to join?
102
00:04:53,579 --> 00:04:55,913
Oh, no, thank you. I don't
want to see the gun show.
103
00:04:55,931 --> 00:04:57,148
I've already seen it.
104
00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:59,250
Come now. You guys head on
down to the rumpus room.
105
00:04:59,285 --> 00:05:01,386
Fred and I have some
grown-up questions for George.
106
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:03,588
Ooh. Uh, can I go down
to the rumpus room, too?
107
00:05:05,874 --> 00:05:07,225
No, you may not.
108
00:05:11,229 --> 00:05:14,232
Joey. Truth or dare?
109
00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:16,868
Maybe I did something wrong
in a previous life.
110
00:05:16,902 --> 00:05:19,237
Maybe I was Eva Braun.
111
00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:22,707
- Ryan. Truth or dare?
- Wait. Okay, dare.
112
00:05:22,741 --> 00:05:25,059
I have some chocolate
in my room. I'll be right back.
113
00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:27,812
I dare you to kiss a lesbian.
114
00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,614
I'm not kissing my sister.
115
00:05:29,648 --> 00:05:31,582
Not your sister,
you idiot... her.
116
00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:34,919
Tessa.
117
00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:38,823
Um, thanks, uh, but I'm...
118
00:05:38,857 --> 00:05:40,458
I'm not really
a part of this game.
119
00:05:40,492 --> 00:05:43,027
You are now, beeyotch.
120
00:05:44,730 --> 00:05:49,367
What do you mean,
I have to have a barbecue?
121
00:05:49,401 --> 00:05:51,803
Not a barbecue, George...
The barbecue.
122
00:05:51,837 --> 00:05:53,237
Here's the dealio, George.
123
00:05:53,272 --> 00:05:55,006
If you move
into this neighborhood
124
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,854
and don't have "the barbecue
," you'll be shunned.
125
00:05:56,855 --> 00:05:57,308
Ostracized.
126
00:05:57,343 --> 00:05:59,444
- Excommunicated.
- And why?
127
00:05:59,478 --> 00:06:01,579
- Because you didn't have the barbecue.
- Because you didn't have the barbecue.
128
00:06:01,613 --> 00:06:03,081
This is Chatswin,
129
00:06:03,115 --> 00:06:05,049
and when a new family moves here
and doesn't have the barbecue,
130
00:06:05,084 --> 00:06:06,784
it looks like they don't want to
be a part of the neighborhood.
131
00:06:06,819 --> 00:06:08,786
And if people don't want us,
we don't want them.
132
00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:09,787
That's just
human nature.
133
00:06:09,822 --> 00:06:10,788
So have the barbecue.
134
00:06:10,823 --> 00:06:11,756
And eat your cake.
135
00:06:11,774 --> 00:06:13,624
It's good.
136
00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:16,761
Look, I really appreciate
you including me
137
00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:18,963
in your reindeer games,
sincerely,
138
00:06:18,981 --> 00:06:22,667
but, um, in this case, I'm just
gonna have to politely decline.
139
00:06:22,701 --> 00:06:25,370
Once someone
dares you to do something,
140
00:06:25,404 --> 00:06:28,506
you kind of have to do it,
or else you're a wuss.
141
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:32,276
Yeah, I'm... I'm familiar
with the rules of...
142
00:06:32,311 --> 00:06:34,078
Wuss-iosity,
143
00:06:34,113 --> 00:06:36,781
but there are loopholes.
144
00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:39,517
You know what a loophole is,
don't... you?
145
00:06:39,551 --> 00:06:42,520
Sure. It's a hole
with a loop in it.
146
00:06:59,671 --> 00:07:01,639
Pickles, pickles,
pickles, pickles!
147
00:07:02,674 --> 00:07:04,976
P-pickles give her
irritable bowel.
148
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,644
It's a brine thing.
149
00:07:06,678 --> 00:07:09,647
Anyway,
thank you for dinner.
150
00:07:11,383 --> 00:07:14,018
I didn't serve pickles.
151
00:07:14,919 --> 00:07:16,553
Ryan Shay is a neanderthal.
152
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:18,705
How could I have kissed
a person who is,
153
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:20,340
by all accounts,
a knuckle-dragger...
154
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,976
And actually like it?
155
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:28,048
But it's a new day.
156
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:30,651
I was determined to press on
157
00:07:30,685 --> 00:07:33,821
and act as though
last night never happened.
158
00:08:03,451 --> 00:08:05,853
Why am I waving?
Stop waving.
159
00:08:05,887 --> 00:08:07,488
What the hell was wrong
with me?
160
00:08:07,522 --> 00:08:10,674
I wasn't myself.
Maybe I was low blood sugar.
161
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:16,530
You okay, Tess?
162
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,032
What? Why?
163
00:08:19,067 --> 00:08:23,604
You're... pouring milk
that isn't there.
164
00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:24,905
What happened last night?
165
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:27,040
Last night?
166
00:08:27,075 --> 00:08:28,008
With the pickles.
167
00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:30,344
Oh! The pickles.
168
00:08:30,378 --> 00:08:33,297
Oh. Yeah.
That was nothing.
169
00:08:33,331 --> 00:08:36,083
The, um, rumpus room just had
a lot of wood paneling.
170
00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:37,451
It felt like an asylum.
171
00:08:37,485 --> 00:08:38,585
A wood-paneled asylum?
172
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,270
Yeah.
173
00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:43,557
A rustic, high-end
wood-paneled asylum.
174
00:08:43,608 --> 00:08:45,892
Look it up.
175
00:08:45,910 --> 00:08:47,127
Lisa!
176
00:08:47,162 --> 00:08:49,229
Hey.
177
00:08:49,264 --> 00:08:50,598
I know what's going on
between you and my brother.
178
00:08:50,632 --> 00:08:51,776
Nothing is going on.
179
00:08:51,777 --> 00:08:53,634
Then why were you looking
at him like that
180
00:08:53,668 --> 00:08:55,352
this morning
when he was washing the car?
181
00:08:55,403 --> 00:08:57,571
This is pathetic.
I thought you were different.
182
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:58,672
You should have seen
the look on your face.
183
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,340
It was sickening.
184
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,747
Lisa was right.
185
00:09:06,781 --> 00:09:08,816
It was sickening.
I was sick.
186
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:12,553
I was terminal,
and I had to find a cure.
187
00:09:14,823 --> 00:09:17,724
Intellectual, neurotic,
self-loathing Jew.
188
00:09:17,759 --> 00:09:18,826
Much more my type.
189
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:21,261
Could he be
the Ryan Shay antidote?
190
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,580
Hi. I'm Tessa.
191
00:09:23,615 --> 00:09:24,998
I'm Evan.
192
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,683
Wanna make out?
193
00:09:26,718 --> 00:09:29,553
What? I mean... what?
194
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,613
Damn it, Evan!
195
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,449
I feel nothing. Nothing.
196
00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,084
Sorry?
197
00:09:44,118 --> 00:09:46,152
Not as sorry as I am.
198
00:09:47,956 --> 00:09:49,323
As you were, Evan.
199
00:09:50,925 --> 00:09:52,459
What?
200
00:09:52,494 --> 00:09:53,377
You haven't had
the barbecue yet?
201
00:09:53,411 --> 00:09:54,361
Are you kidding me?
202
00:09:54,395 --> 00:09:55,662
Seriously? That's for real?
203
00:09:55,697 --> 00:09:57,164
Yeah, that's for real.
204
00:09:57,198 --> 00:09:59,533
I'm surprised people are
still talking to you.
205
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,518
I'm surprised I'm still
talking to you.
206
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:02,653
Ow!
207
00:10:02,704 --> 00:10:05,539
Javier, you just nicked
my ear.
208
00:10:05,557 --> 00:10:08,041
That's strike two.
Just send out an evite.
209
00:10:08,076 --> 00:10:09,943
I don't even know how I'm
gonna do this, realistically.
210
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,045
All I've got is this old hibachi
I used in Manhattan.
211
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,015
An old hi-whatchi?
Are you kidding me?
212
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,150
All right. I'm gonna do
something for you.
213
00:10:17,185 --> 00:10:20,587
Javier, cover your ears.
214
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,556
I'm gonna let you
borrow my grill.
215
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:23,991
Oh. Okay. Cool. Thanks.
216
00:10:24,025 --> 00:10:27,193
"Oh. Okay. Cool. Thanks."
Are you kidding me?
217
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:28,695
I never let anybody
borrow my grill.
218
00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:30,531
You should be kissing
the ground I walk on.
219
00:10:30,565 --> 00:10:31,615
Well, I don't know.
You think it's big enough?
220
00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:33,367
Is the statue of liberty
big enough?
221
00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:35,135
Is J.Lo's ass big enough?
222
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,770
For me, it is.
223
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,905
Yeah, I think
it's big enough.
224
00:10:40,091 --> 00:10:41,775
Well, look who's here.
225
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,810
You're just the gentleman
I wanted to talk to.
226
00:10:43,845 --> 00:10:45,111
Hey, is this about
the barbecue?
227
00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:46,680
No, it's not,
228
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:49,716
but you really should have it
before things get unpleasant.
229
00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:52,152
George, take a walk with me.
230
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:54,671
Okay.
231
00:10:56,858 --> 00:10:58,275
All right, Javier.
232
00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:01,695
Let's try the hot shave
one more time.
233
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:02,729
What's going on?
234
00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:04,047
Well, I just thought
you should know,
235
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,033
I mean, considering
the whole condom situation
236
00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,618
that brought you here,
237
00:11:07,669 --> 00:11:10,537
according to Dalia,
who was there,
238
00:11:10,555 --> 00:11:14,641
Tessa went to first base
with Ryan Shay last night,
239
00:11:14,659 --> 00:11:16,877
and apparently it was hot.
240
00:11:16,911 --> 00:11:19,479
Uh-huh. What...
What's first base again?
241
00:11:19,514 --> 00:11:21,098
Well, it's regional,
but here...
242
00:11:21,132 --> 00:11:22,983
Open mouth, some tongue.
243
00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:26,320
Well, that doesn't sound right.
Tessa can't stand Ryan Shay.
244
00:11:26,354 --> 00:11:28,922
Well, of course Tessa
can't stand Ryan Shay,
245
00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:31,191
but have you seen
his rock-hard abs?
246
00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,877
I mean, if you...
247
00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:36,046
It d... you know what?
248
00:11:36,097 --> 00:11:37,714
If neighbors don't look out
for neighbors,
249
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,267
we could end up having
little baby neighbors.
250
00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:45,171
Oh! I just got an evite
to your barbecue on Sunday.
251
00:11:45,189 --> 00:11:47,407
O.M.G. I am there.
Thank you.
252
00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:50,310
What? How is that possible?
253
00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:52,813
All good for Sunday, buddy.
254
00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:55,486
Meatball sub...
255
00:11:55,707 --> 00:11:58,691
Two of the least sexy words
in the English language,
256
00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:02,293
unless Ryan Shay was
on the other end of it.
257
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,215
I was better than this.
258
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:08,868
I was Turkey and wheat,
and I had to remember that.
259
00:12:08,903 --> 00:12:10,420
Tessa.
260
00:12:10,454 --> 00:12:12,989
Meet me
behind the bleachers, 2:00.
261
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,425
Okay.
262
00:12:21,165 --> 00:12:22,849
I needed guidance,
263
00:12:22,883 --> 00:12:26,069
so I went to the only place
i could think of.
264
00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:29,406
So, Tessa, what guidance
can I give you today?
265
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:34,561
I am being consumed
by my desire for something,
266
00:12:34,595 --> 00:12:37,213
something that is not good
for me.
267
00:12:37,248 --> 00:12:39,215
You're addicted to drugs.
268
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,483
No. Absolutely not.
269
00:12:40,518 --> 00:12:42,218
Are you sure?
Because I've been told,
270
00:12:42,253 --> 00:12:44,654
a lot of people
from the inner city are,
271
00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:46,222
and I've seen "rent."
272
00:12:46,257 --> 00:12:48,808
I'm from Manhattan,
and it's not drugs.
273
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:52,495
It's a guy that
I'm incredibly attracted to
274
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:53,897
but don't like.
275
00:12:53,931 --> 00:12:56,199
Intellectually,
I know he's not good for me,
276
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,501
but I can't stay away
from him.
277
00:12:58,536 --> 00:13:01,438
Sounds like the kind
of relationship people have
278
00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:02,706
with their drug dealers.
279
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,240
He's not a drug dealer!
280
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:06,710
He's just... stupid,
281
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,212
which means I must be stupid
for liking him.
282
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:11,581
Maybe there's something more
to him than meets the eye.
283
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,583
After all,
when people look at me,
284
00:13:13,617 --> 00:13:16,319
all they see is someone
who's north Korean,
285
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,088
but when they dig
a little deeper,
286
00:13:18,122 --> 00:13:19,439
they're also surprised
to learn
287
00:13:19,473 --> 00:13:23,093
that I'm partially...
South Korean.
288
00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:25,895
Ryan wasn't South Korean...
289
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:32,452
But he certainly was
a good kisser.
290
00:13:32,503 --> 00:13:35,004
I can't believe we are
making out behind the bleachers.
291
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:36,639
It is so cliche.
292
00:13:36,674 --> 00:13:38,675
Who's cliche?
Is she, like, a singer?
293
00:13:40,494 --> 00:13:41,628
Don't speak.
294
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:44,931
But we had to speak.
295
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,549
It was the only way
i was going to find out
296
00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,551
if there was more to Ryan
than met my lips.
297
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,123
Have you ever seen
a foreign film?
298
00:13:53,157 --> 00:13:54,507
"Avatar"?
299
00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:56,292
That's not a foreign film.
300
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:58,661
It takes place
on a foreign planet.
301
00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:02,232
And James Cameron is Canadian.
302
00:14:02,266 --> 00:14:04,334
Partial credit.
303
00:14:09,506 --> 00:14:10,973
If you could have dinner
with any famous person,
304
00:14:10,991 --> 00:14:12,909
living or dead,
who would it be?
305
00:14:12,943 --> 00:14:15,428
Scarlett Johansson.
306
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:16,746
Dead.
307
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:18,882
I had never been so disgusted
with someone
308
00:14:18,916 --> 00:14:21,000
in my entire life...
309
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,653
And that someone was me.
310
00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:31,895
Oh, so that... that kid
from across the street...
311
00:14:31,929 --> 00:14:34,197
What's his...
What's his name? Brian?
312
00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:35,148
Ryan.
313
00:14:35,182 --> 00:14:38,268
Ryan. That's it. Yeah.
314
00:14:38,302 --> 00:14:40,537
Nice kid?
315
00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:42,906
I-I really wouldn't know.
Do you want my carrots?
316
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:45,909
Uh, I'm good.
He seems like a nice kid.
317
00:14:47,445 --> 00:14:49,412
So what's the deal,
318
00:14:49,447 --> 00:14:53,500
have you guys ever talked
or...
319
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:54,651
Anything?
320
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,086
This is your fault,
not mine. Yours.
321
00:14:57,121 --> 00:14:58,321
My fault?
What... what's my fault?
322
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,423
You pulled me out
of my indigenous region
323
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:01,691
and just...
324
00:15:01,725 --> 00:15:03,893
Dropped me into
a completely different habitat!
325
00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:06,963
- Okay, I'll take your carrots.
- It's not about the carrots, George.
326
00:15:06,997 --> 00:15:09,232
It's me.
I am a gentoo penguin.
327
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:12,769
I am a sick, diseased
gentoo penguin,
328
00:15:12,803 --> 00:15:14,671
and I am dying here!
329
00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:24,968
Ohh.
330
00:15:25,002 --> 00:15:26,136
What do you think?
I love her.
331
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:27,637
- Well...
- I call her Sally.
332
00:15:27,671 --> 00:15:30,240
Yeah, well, Sally just burned
a hole in my retina.
333
00:15:30,274 --> 00:15:31,274
She's a powerful lady,
George.
334
00:15:31,308 --> 00:15:32,609
Uh-huh.
335
00:15:32,643 --> 00:15:35,879
If she wasn't made of steel,
I'd take her as a lover.
336
00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:37,781
Great turnout, George.
Yeah.
337
00:15:37,815 --> 00:15:39,399
I am sorry my husband
couldn't be here,
338
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:43,570
but he travels, a lot,
on business.
339
00:15:43,621 --> 00:15:45,922
Okay.
How... how's the guacamole?
340
00:15:45,956 --> 00:15:47,874
It's killer.
You smush it yourself?
341
00:15:47,908 --> 00:15:48,858
I did, actually, yes.
342
00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:50,210
- You did?
- Yes.
343
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:53,296
Speaking of smushing,
any intel on what happened
344
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,899
between Tessa and Ryan
in the rumpus room,
345
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:58,752
or as I like to call it,
"the humpus in the rumpus"?
346
00:15:58,803 --> 00:16:00,303
Uh, yeah, well, not really.
347
00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:02,005
I tried to broach
the subject with her,
348
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,206
but she just got upset
349
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,275
and said something cryptic
about penguins.
350
00:16:05,309 --> 00:16:08,044
Ooh. That might be
Internet talk for "penis."
351
00:16:08,062 --> 00:16:09,395
I'll yahooit
and get back to you.
352
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:11,214
I gotta be honest.
I'm not overly concerned.
353
00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:12,932
That kid's
a total bonehead.
354
00:16:12,983 --> 00:16:15,251
Well, so is Ryan.
355
00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:17,320
I was talking about Ryan.
356
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:18,488
Okay.
357
00:16:20,624 --> 00:16:22,392
Hey.
358
00:16:22,426 --> 00:16:23,460
Hey.
359
00:16:23,494 --> 00:16:24,961
You still mad at me?
360
00:16:24,995 --> 00:16:27,764
Mad? No.
361
00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:29,532
I mean, you can't help
the way you feel...
362
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,284
I guess.
363
00:16:31,335 --> 00:16:34,671
Yeah. Exactly.
364
00:16:34,705 --> 00:16:36,239
I mean, it's like chips.
365
00:16:36,257 --> 00:16:37,841
Chips are my favorite thing
in the world.
366
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:38,758
I could eat, like,
367
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:40,343
two or three bags at once.
368
00:16:40,377 --> 00:16:41,344
I know, right?
369
00:16:41,378 --> 00:16:42,979
But I don't.
370
00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:44,547
You know why?
371
00:16:44,582 --> 00:16:46,432
Because they're bad for me.
372
00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:49,435
As much as I want to put
that entire bag inside my mouth,
373
00:16:49,470 --> 00:16:51,087
I know that if I do,
I'll get dehydrated,
374
00:16:51,105 --> 00:16:53,473
I'll break out,
and I mighget diarrhea.
375
00:16:53,524 --> 00:16:54,974
Diarrhea? From chips?
376
00:16:55,025 --> 00:16:59,395
So I don't,
because I've got willpower,
377
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:03,283
and I can't be mad at you
for not having willpower.
378
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:05,235
All I can do is pity you,
379
00:17:05,269 --> 00:17:06,936
which I do.
380
00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:13,609
Okay. Well, thanks.
381
00:17:13,627 --> 00:17:15,378
So wonderful
to be here, George.
382
00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:16,546
Such a beautiful place.
383
00:17:16,580 --> 00:17:18,614
Mm. The hydrangeas are just...
Wow.
384
00:17:18,632 --> 00:17:20,116
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
385
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:21,951
I gotta tell you,
it's... it's so nice to see
386
00:17:21,969 --> 00:17:23,753
a gay couple
in the neighborhood.
387
00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:26,656
Makes me feel like I'm back
in the city.
388
00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:28,958
There's a gay couple?
Where?
389
00:17:28,993 --> 00:17:31,294
Gossip. I love hearing it
before my wife. Dish.
390
00:17:31,312 --> 00:17:32,345
- Dish.
- Dish.
391
00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:33,363
George.
392
00:17:33,397 --> 00:17:35,398
- Hi.
- We got an emergency.
393
00:17:35,432 --> 00:17:39,769
She's dead. Sally's dead.
What do you mean, she's dead?
394
00:17:39,803 --> 00:17:41,271
She's out of propane!
395
00:17:41,305 --> 00:17:42,405
Okay, so I'll go pick up
some more.
396
00:17:42,439 --> 00:17:44,908
No more. No.
She takes the big tanks.
397
00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,476
The only place that sells
the big tanks is Artie's.
398
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,661
Artie's is closed on Sundays!
Artie!
399
00:17:48,696 --> 00:17:51,848
Okay, keep your voice down.
Give me a second to think.
400
00:17:51,882 --> 00:17:53,283
George.
401
00:17:53,317 --> 00:17:54,834
- What's the E.T.A.
- on the burgers?
402
00:17:54,869 --> 00:17:56,002
The natives
are getting restless.
403
00:17:56,036 --> 00:17:58,454
Man cannot live
by chips and guac alone.
404
00:17:58,489 --> 00:18:00,540
Fred,
let me walk this dog.
405
00:18:00,591 --> 00:18:01,758
Five, ten minutes, tops.
406
00:18:01,792 --> 00:18:03,659
If you ask me,
calling a barbecue a barbecue
407
00:18:03,677 --> 00:18:06,296
without actually having
a barbecue would be worse
408
00:18:06,298 --> 00:18:07,630
than not having
a barbecue at all.
409
00:18:07,665 --> 00:18:08,765
Didn't ask you.
410
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:11,467
Boy, someone had
a big scoop of crab salad.
411
00:18:11,502 --> 00:18:12,852
Yeah, a big scoop.
412
00:18:12,887 --> 00:18:14,020
Damn it, Fred.
413
00:18:14,054 --> 00:18:16,339
If you can't plus it,
you just leave it alone.
414
00:18:17,808 --> 00:18:20,193
Ryan, I cat do this
anymore.
415
00:18:20,227 --> 00:18:21,477
Is it my breath?
416
00:18:21,512 --> 00:18:22,912
Because I skipped
the guacamole.
417
00:18:22,947 --> 00:18:24,614
No. Your breath is fine.
418
00:18:24,648 --> 00:18:25,715
- It's me.
- Ohh.
419
00:18:25,749 --> 00:18:27,217
You had the guacamole.
420
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:29,185
No. I mean, a little,
yeah, but...
421
00:18:29,203 --> 00:18:30,353
I could taste it,
422
00:18:30,371 --> 00:18:31,821
but I wasn't gonna say
anything.
423
00:18:31,855 --> 00:18:34,791
Look, Ryan, I like you.
424
00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:35,758
I do.
425
00:18:35,793 --> 00:18:38,795
I mean,
you're good-looking,
426
00:18:38,829 --> 00:18:40,463
and you're...
427
00:18:40,497 --> 00:18:41,881
Really good-looking.
428
00:18:41,916 --> 00:18:43,132
Then what's the problem?
429
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:44,634
Nothing.
430
00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:46,970
It's just...
431
00:18:47,004 --> 00:18:48,388
You're a bag of chips.
432
00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:50,256
A bag of chips?
433
00:18:50,307 --> 00:18:51,574
Yeah, you know how
they taste really good,
434
00:18:51,609 --> 00:18:53,226
but they're void
of all nutritional value,
435
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:55,712
and in the end,
you kinda regret eating them?
436
00:18:55,746 --> 00:18:57,614
No.
437
00:18:57,648 --> 00:19:00,099
Oh.
438
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,651
Well, you do.
439
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:03,269
Oh, yeah?
440
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,855
Well, you know what
you are?
441
00:19:05,889 --> 00:19:06,789
You're peanut brittle.
442
00:19:06,824 --> 00:19:08,391
- Excuse me?
- That's right.
443
00:19:08,409 --> 00:19:10,159
You're big chunks
of sticky stuff
444
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:12,111
that doesn't know whether
it's sweet or salty,
445
00:19:12,162 --> 00:19:14,063
and you gotta break it up
into little pieces.
446
00:19:14,081 --> 00:19:16,266
Well, that's what
I'm doing to you.
447
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:20,336
I'm breaking up
into little pieces!
448
00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:26,643
As Ryan and his six-pack walked
out of the laundry room,
449
00:19:26,677 --> 00:19:28,211
it hit me.
450
00:19:28,245 --> 00:19:31,247
I would never see
the gun show again.
451
00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:33,683
What the hell is that?
452
00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:35,051
His name is Joe.
453
00:19:35,085 --> 00:19:36,102
He's from New York,
454
00:19:36,136 --> 00:19:37,787
and he runs on old-fashioned
charcoal briquettes.
455
00:19:37,821 --> 00:19:40,139
Now let's light his face
on fire
456
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:43,359
and serve these people
some New York-style dogs.
457
00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:48,264
The only thing more voracious
thany appetite for Ryan
458
00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:51,868
was Chatswin's appetite
for barbecue.
459
00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:57,323
So I don't know what
gentoo penguins eat in the wild,
460
00:19:57,374 --> 00:19:59,742
but since
you're in captivity,
461
00:19:59,776 --> 00:20:00,943
you want a hot dog?
462
00:20:02,112 --> 00:20:03,379
Thanks.
463
00:20:03,414 --> 00:20:04,914
There he is.
464
00:20:04,948 --> 00:20:07,216
Loved your New York wieners,
George.
465
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:08,851
I could have eaten
a dozen of them.
466
00:20:08,886 --> 00:20:10,520
Utterly delicious.
467
00:20:10,554 --> 00:20:12,322
We'll have to sneak
into a Metropolis sometime,
468
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,490
when our wives aren't
looking for a sausage fix.
469
00:20:14,525 --> 00:20:16,142
Oh. Toodles, George.
470
00:20:16,176 --> 00:20:17,293
Toodles.
471
00:20:17,311 --> 00:20:18,428
Mwah.
472
00:20:18,462 --> 00:20:20,830
Toodles.
473
00:20:20,864 --> 00:20:22,565
Wow.
474
00:20:22,599 --> 00:20:25,401
So I guess our barbecue
was a success.
475
00:20:25,436 --> 00:20:26,769
High five.
476
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:31,407
A year ago,
if you'd have told me
477
00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:32,942
I'd be high-fiving
over a barbecue,
478
00:20:32,976 --> 00:20:34,911
I would have called you
a liar.
479
00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:36,612
Yeah, well, if you told me
I'd be first in line
480
00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:39,682
to see the gun show,
I'd have slapped myself.
481
00:20:40,751 --> 00:20:41,650
Don't slap yourself.
482
00:20:41,668 --> 00:20:43,853
It was
a pretty impressive gun show.
483
00:20:43,887 --> 00:20:46,205
I feel like an idiot.
484
00:20:46,256 --> 00:20:47,357
Hey, I've been there.
485
00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:50,793
I-I once dated
this incredibly beautiful woman,
486
00:20:50,828 --> 00:20:54,764
who I could hardly stand being
in the same room with.
487
00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:58,968
I love when you tell
stories about mom.
488
00:21:02,106 --> 00:21:03,539
Eat your hot dog.