1
00:00:01,551 --> 00:00:03,786
♪ Whoo ♪
2
00:00:03,854 --> 00:00:08,057
♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh. ♪
3
00:00:19,703 --> 00:00:21,353
Virginia!
4
00:00:21,405 --> 00:00:23,823
Your cousin Delilah sent you
a cardboard chicken!
5
00:00:28,045 --> 00:00:29,629
Damn.
6
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,914
Chickens with DVDs
inside of 'em.
7
00:00:31,982 --> 00:00:34,417
Technology's moving
too fast for me.
8
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,558
(sighs)
9
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:45,394
(orchestra plays grand theme)
10
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,263
Well, here we go.
11
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:51,386
America's ugliest home videos.
12
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:52,688
Hear ye, hear ye!
13
00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,823
There's gonna be a grand ball,
14
00:00:54,891 --> 00:00:56,442
because this princess
15
00:00:56,526 --> 00:00:58,827
has finally found
her Prince Charming.
16
00:00:58,895 --> 00:01:00,229
(cash register bell dings)
17
00:01:02,832 --> 00:01:06,619
No we are sparing no expenses
since my Air Force officer
18
00:01:06,703 --> 00:01:09,371
just got a big fat bonus for...
19
00:01:09,422 --> 00:01:12,174
well, I can't tell you why,
20
00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:15,344
but let's just say the Israelis
are gonna get blamed for it.
21
00:01:15,411 --> 00:01:17,713
Now, I know
not all of you have the money
22
00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:19,548
to fly to Las Vegas.
23
00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:21,483
Especially my cousin Virginia.
24
00:01:21,551 --> 00:01:23,352
Although I don't know
why people just can't fly
25
00:01:23,419 --> 00:01:25,888
Southwest since
their fares are so low.
26
00:01:25,939 --> 00:01:28,774
Virginia, maybe you could sneak
into someone's suitcase
27
00:01:28,858 --> 00:01:30,976
since on Southwest,
bags fly for free.
28
00:01:32,295 --> 00:01:34,396
(gasping, magical dinging)
29
00:01:34,447 --> 00:01:35,898
(Delilah and Hope laugh)
30
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Birds!
31
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're not to Veg.
32
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Delilah only invited us
33
00:01:42,405 --> 00:01:43,789
to her wedding
for the same reason
34
00:01:43,873 --> 00:01:45,574
she used to invite me
to all her parties.
35
00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:47,042
Just to humiliate me.
36
00:01:47,110 --> 00:01:49,611
Oh, I just love it!
37
00:01:49,663 --> 00:01:52,665
I want to thank you all
so much for the amazing gifts.
38
00:01:52,749 --> 00:01:54,616
I love these new clothes.
39
00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,669
And my cousin Ginny
should thank you, too,
40
00:01:56,753 --> 00:01:59,221
'cause she gets all my old ones,
'cause she's poor.
41
00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:04,293
Now, who's ready to dance?!
42
00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:06,128
♪ ♪
43
00:02:08,231 --> 00:02:10,032
(thudding, women gasping)
44
00:02:12,769 --> 00:02:14,987
(grunting)
45
00:02:15,071 --> 00:02:16,989
Yeah, but you're kids then.
You can handle her now.
46
00:02:17,073 --> 00:02:18,774
I don't care.
We're not going to that wedding.
47
00:02:18,825 --> 00:02:22,111
I hate her, plus,
you're addicteto gambling.
48
00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:23,996
Really? Are you...
addicted to gambling?
49
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,831
No, but pantly
Virginia's addicted
50
00:02:25,915 --> 00:02:28,150
to making me look bad
in front of company.
51
00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:29,201
We're not going.
52
00:02:29,285 --> 00:02:30,703
Oh, come on!
53
00:02:30,787 --> 00:02:32,454
There's other things
to do in Vegas.
54
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:34,289
You said you always
wanted to see Paris.
55
00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:35,958
They got one there.
56
00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:37,492
Wyatt went to Vegas once.
57
00:02:37,544 --> 00:02:40,179
When he got back, he wouldn't
tell me anything about his trip.
58
00:02:40,263 --> 00:02:41,430
He just kept saying,
59
00:02:41,497 --> 00:02:43,098
"What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas."
60
00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:45,718
Cool. What happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas,
61
00:02:45,802 --> 00:02:47,186
because wild things happen there
62
00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,188
that you wouldn't want people
to know about.
63
00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:50,472
That's clever.
64
00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:52,024
You know what?
65
00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:54,610
I would love to do something in
Vegas that has to stay in Vegas.
66
00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:56,111
Then I could say it to him.
67
00:02:56,179 --> 00:02:58,063
- You could come with me.
- You gonna go?
68
00:02:58,148 --> 00:03:00,616
I didn't really think
you were the Vegas type.
69
00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:02,785
That's because you only
really know Daddy Jimmy.
70
00:03:02,852 --> 00:03:04,119
You don't know
"sex in the back
71
00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:05,738
of my van
with a serial killer Jimmy."
72
00:03:05,822 --> 00:03:07,539
I used to be a
wild man before
73
00:03:07,607 --> 00:03:09,158
this little ball-and-chain came
74
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:11,293
and threw a wet blanket
on my party fire.
75
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,828
Oh.
76
00:03:12,896 --> 00:03:15,547
She is cute, though, isn't she?
77
00:03:15,632 --> 00:03:17,532
Oh, Daddy can't
do nothing anymore
78
00:03:17,584 --> 00:03:20,085
now you came along,
you little cutie patootie.
79
00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:21,369
(talking baby talk)
80
00:03:21,421 --> 00:03:23,338
You need to party.
81
00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:25,373
Oh, I do.
82
00:03:25,425 --> 00:03:27,876
(laughing)
83
00:03:27,927 --> 00:03:31,713
(grunting)
84
00:03:31,765 --> 00:03:33,982
I'm starting to think I should
go to Vegas for the wedding.
85
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,517
I mean, the magic eight ball
says, "Ask me later,"
86
00:03:35,568 --> 00:03:36,985
but I don't have time for that.
87
00:03:37,053 --> 00:03:38,821
Oh, yeah, you can't be
on the eight ball schedule.
88
00:03:38,888 --> 00:03:40,022
You got to live your life.
89
00:03:40,073 --> 00:03:41,657
If I don't go, Delilah wins.
90
00:03:41,724 --> 00:03:43,375
She'll always have
the satisfaction
91
00:03:43,443 --> 00:03:46,061
of knowing that she shamed me
into staying away, right?
92
00:03:46,112 --> 00:03:49,415
Right. Yes.
Yes! We are going...
93
00:03:49,499 --> 00:03:51,266
Or maybe not. Maybe
I'm overthinking it.
94
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:53,068
I think I am.
I think I'm overthinking it.
95
00:03:53,119 --> 00:03:54,169
No. I'm not going.
96
00:03:54,237 --> 00:03:55,671
Never mind.
97
00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:03,345
(gasps)
98
00:04:03,412 --> 00:04:06,181
Wow. What a dream.
99
00:04:06,249 --> 00:04:09,301
I dreamt the donkey
from Shrek said
100
00:04:09,385 --> 00:04:10,969
I shouldn't go
to the wedding.
101
00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,805
But then, naked
Obama said
102
00:04:12,889 --> 00:04:15,090
I have to go,
or else Delilah wins.
103
00:04:15,141 --> 00:04:16,992
So, we're going?
104
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,478
Not you.
Obama says I should go to Vegas.
105
00:04:19,562 --> 00:04:22,448
He says you should stay home
'cause of your gambling problem.
106
00:04:22,532 --> 00:04:23,615
(sighs)
107
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:24,833
Aw, you told him, too?
108
00:04:24,901 --> 00:04:26,318
Well, I had to make small talk.
109
00:04:26,402 --> 00:04:27,786
He was naked.
110
00:04:27,871 --> 00:04:29,338
(sniffles)
It was awkward.
111
00:04:32,542 --> 00:04:34,660
Well, it took three hours,
112
00:04:34,711 --> 00:04:37,045
but the Ouija board just more or
less spelled out the following
113
00:04:37,113 --> 00:04:39,631
"Delilah is going
to be flaunting
114
00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:42,000
"her new husband in front of me
without you there.
115
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:44,086
"She'll probably think
our marriage is in trouble,
116
00:04:44,137 --> 00:04:46,121
"since I can't tell her
you stayed home
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00:04:46,172 --> 00:04:47,389
because of a gambling problem."
118
00:04:47,457 --> 00:04:49,224
I mean, I had
to fill in the blanks,
119
00:04:49,292 --> 00:04:50,642
but that's the gist of it.
120
00:04:50,727 --> 00:04:52,144
Anyway, you have
to come with me.
121
00:04:52,212 --> 00:04:53,729
But you're not allowed
to carry any cash.
122
00:04:53,796 --> 00:04:56,064
Ouija says I hold the money.
123
00:04:59,769 --> 00:05:01,937
We are going to Vegas.
124
00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,516
Sorry. Dropping off
Maw Maw and Hope
125
00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,167
at Shelley's took
longer than I though
126
00:05:12,218 --> 00:05:13,835
Shelley was in the
middle of shooting
127
00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:16,438
this internet video tutorial on
how to change a colostomy bag.
128
00:05:16,506 --> 00:05:18,440
Really makes you appreciate
having an anus.
129
00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:19,892
(doorbell rings)
130
00:05:23,947 --> 00:05:26,648
(with Russian accent)
I am ready for fun of Vegas clubs
131
00:05:26,699 --> 00:05:27,983
and dancing with high rollers.
132
00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:30,285
(sighs)
133
00:05:30,353 --> 00:05:33,188
I have special alter ego named
Natasha for Las Vegas wild time.
134
00:05:33,239 --> 00:05:35,657
Okay. I...
135
00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:37,409
I was just gonna be Jimmy.
136
00:05:37,477 --> 00:05:40,379
You will be Jimmy, who has
mail-order bride from Russia,
137
00:05:40,463 --> 00:05:42,331
who is also possibly spy.
138
00:05:42,382 --> 00:05:44,883
Hey, guys,
notice anything different?
139
00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:49,922
Do you,
uh... uh...?
140
00:05:50,006 --> 00:05:51,140
Mm, nope.
141
00:05:51,207 --> 00:05:52,674
New hair clip?
142
00:05:52,725 --> 00:05:56,044
Good. I did a little spray tan,
but I tried to keep it subtle.
143
00:06:08,558 --> 00:06:10,576
Look at it.
144
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:12,444
It's beautiful and sparkling.
145
00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:14,580
Like what I always imagined
146
00:06:14,664 --> 00:06:17,282
Cher's living room
would look like.
147
00:06:32,882 --> 00:06:34,266
Check out the cool moves
148
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,635
on those handsome
capitalist bartenders.
149
00:06:38,054 --> 00:06:39,138
Wait a minute.
150
00:06:39,222 --> 00:06:40,472
Something's different about you.
151
00:06:40,557 --> 00:06:41,974
What happened to your tan?
152
00:06:42,058 --> 00:06:44,259
Oh, that stupid cheap
tan spray washed off.
153
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,612
I had to leave a
note for the maid
154
00:06:46,696 --> 00:06:48,564
explaining why the bottom
of the shower was brown.
155
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:49,948
Whoa, people tip big here.
156
00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:51,533
Guy just gave
that waitress ten bucks.
157
00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:52,784
Ooh.
158
00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:54,119
Don't order drinks
from the waitresses.
159
00:06:54,204 --> 00:06:55,437
We don't have to.
160
00:06:55,488 --> 00:06:57,289
We have all those
free bottles of booze
161
00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:58,940
in that little
refrigerator in our room.
162
00:06:58,992 --> 00:07:00,209
DELILAH:
Virginia!
163
00:07:00,243 --> 00:07:02,911
Burt! I'm looking
down on you.
164
00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:05,380
So is probably everyone else
around you.
165
00:07:05,448 --> 00:07:06,498
(laugh)
166
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,250
Hey, I'll be right down.
167
00:07:08,301 --> 00:07:10,169
(Delilah whooping)
168
00:07:12,972 --> 00:07:17,292
O.M. Ginny, you're here!
169
00:07:17,343 --> 00:07:19,394
No way!
170
00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:21,430
This is just
a wonderful surprise.
171
00:07:21,481 --> 00:07:24,016
How the heck did you
pay for plane tickets?
172
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,101
Took the bus.
173
00:07:26,152 --> 00:07:29,804
A flying bus,
which is what we call planes.
174
00:07:29,856 --> 00:07:31,640
It's a regional term.
175
00:07:31,691 --> 00:07:33,975
Well, whatever lie you want
to go with is fine with me.
176
00:07:34,027 --> 00:07:35,527
I am just so glad you're here.
177
00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:38,947
Are you kidding? After all these
years of waiting and waiting
178
00:07:38,998 --> 00:07:40,982
for someone to ask you.
179
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,817
Nothing could keep me
from your wedding,
180
00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:45,320
unless I died of old age
before it happened.
181
00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:46,505
Well, by looking
at your crow's-feet,
182
00:07:46,589 --> 00:07:48,006
we were cutting it pretty close.
183
00:07:48,091 --> 00:07:51,627
(laughs)
Tomorrow is gonna
be so incredible.
184
00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:53,995
Just like we used
to dream about as kids.
185
00:07:54,047 --> 00:07:57,382
And I'm gonna get married
in Vegas at the Rio.
186
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,302
I'm gonna have a beautiful
wedding dress.
187
00:08:00,353 --> 00:08:02,837
Spandex, but classy.
188
00:08:02,889 --> 00:08:05,140
Well, mine's gonna be
that hyper-colored material
189
00:08:05,191 --> 00:08:06,975
that changes color
when you touch it,
190
00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:10,028
so you can see my husband's
hot handprints on my butt.
191
00:08:10,146 --> 00:08:13,865
Well, my wedding dress
is going to be bedazzled
192
00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:16,702
from head-to-toe
with an eight-foot train.
193
00:08:16,786 --> 00:08:19,655
Well, mine's gonna be beaded
with real antique Spanish coins
194
00:08:19,706 --> 00:08:21,690
and have an 80-foot train,
195
00:08:21,741 --> 00:08:25,093
and the back of it is gonna be
held aloft by Michael Jackson.
196
00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:27,379
(sighs)
197
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,414
Now, did you
guys ever take
198
00:08:29,499 --> 00:08:30,966
the timeout
to have an actual wedding
199
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:33,302
or were you too focused on your
career as a toilet scrubber?
200
00:08:33,369 --> 00:08:35,554
Oh, no, we had a wedding.
It was quite a fancy affair.
201
00:08:39,976 --> 00:08:41,176
You may kiss the bride.
202
00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:51,520
(gasps) Is this the line
for clean needle exchange?
203
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:56,024
Yes, we had
a very classy wedding.
204
00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:57,526
Delilah, get over here!
205
00:08:57,577 --> 00:08:58,910
The bartender says
206
00:08:58,995 --> 00:09:00,946
you can't do a shot
out of his belly button.
207
00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:02,781
Apparently, he's an outie.
208
00:09:02,865 --> 00:09:04,116
I can make it work.
209
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,451
I got a trick I
can do with those.
210
00:09:06,536 --> 00:09:08,337
Why did you lie
about our wedding?
211
00:09:08,404 --> 00:09:09,838
Did you not like our wedding?
212
00:09:09,905 --> 00:09:11,573
You never said anything
at the time.
213
00:09:11,624 --> 00:09:13,342
Well, what good
would it have done?
214
00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:14,793
We didn't have
any money.
215
00:09:14,877 --> 00:09:18,079
Hey, cuz, we're on our way out
to my bachelorette night.
216
00:09:18,131 --> 00:09:19,381
Why don't you come with us?
217
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,750
That sounds great.
Be right there.
218
00:09:21,801 --> 00:09:24,085
Oh, you're just blowing
me off tonight?
219
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:25,470
Is this 'cause you're
mad about our wedding?
220
00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:27,139
Baby, I got to go.
Otherwise, she'll be
221
00:09:27,223 --> 00:09:28,590
talking trash
about me the whole time,
222
00:09:28,641 --> 00:09:30,759
without me there
to defend myself.
223
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:32,427
I bet she's doing it already
right now.
224
00:09:32,478 --> 00:09:34,646
Hey, I'm not a slut!
225
00:09:34,731 --> 00:09:36,031
I'm not poor!
226
00:09:36,098 --> 00:09:38,400
And my feet are normal-sized!
227
00:09:38,451 --> 00:09:40,235
(hoots)
228
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:41,903
I'm sorry, baby.
I got to go.
229
00:09:45,107 --> 00:09:47,876
Hey, uh, you're coming
to a bachelorette party.
230
00:09:47,943 --> 00:09:49,911
JIMMY: No, she's not
going with you.
231
00:09:49,962 --> 00:09:51,046
We're gonna have a wild night
232
00:09:51,113 --> 00:09:52,414
in Vegas to get back at Wyatt.
233
00:09:52,465 --> 00:09:53,948
No, I need backup.
234
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,917
Besides, what's more wild
than a bachelorette party?
235
00:09:55,968 --> 00:09:57,219
I'm gonna go with her.
236
00:10:03,459 --> 00:10:06,094
Mom's not being very nice today.
237
00:10:06,179 --> 00:10:07,979
Yeah, her cousin
brings in out in her.
238
00:10:08,064 --> 00:10:10,432
I think know how to
make her feel better.
239
00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:12,601
We're gonna give your
mom the kind of beautiful,
240
00:10:12,652 --> 00:10:14,403
fancy-pants wedding
she's always dreamed of.
241
00:10:14,470 --> 00:10:16,355
- How are we gonna do that?
- We're gonna make some money.
242
00:10:16,439 --> 00:10:18,607
How? I mean, you promised Mom
you weren't gonna gamble.
243
00:10:18,658 --> 00:10:21,759
There's other ways
of making money in Vegas.
244
00:10:37,677 --> 00:10:39,628
Okay.
245
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,546
Did someone order a...
246
00:10:42,799 --> 00:10:44,716
...gin and tonic?
247
00:10:44,801 --> 00:10:46,635
All right.
248
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,004
Wow.
249
00:10:50,056 --> 00:10:53,058
One dollar down,
$2,499 to go.
250
00:10:53,142 --> 00:10:54,726
Ok, who ordered the, uh...
251
00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:00,031
...almondy-tasting
fizztery watery thing?
252
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:01,650
Looks like there's
milk in it?
253
00:11:03,668 --> 00:11:04,969
Nobody?
254
00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,163
Clean your slot screen, ma'am?
255
00:11:13,248 --> 00:11:16,166
Can't win if you can't see.
256
00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:18,085
We work on tips.
257
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,807
What happened
to the garnish tray?
258
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,676
Cigars?
Cigarettes?
259
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,979
Cheries?
Olives?
260
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,731
Lemon twists?
261
00:11:30,798 --> 00:11:32,632
Are there any gentlemen
who care to purchase
262
00:11:32,684 --> 00:11:34,568
a stirry stick for the ladies?
263
00:11:37,022 --> 00:11:38,238
(grunts)
264
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:40,107
I think I got
that knot out.
265
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,475
Now, who's next?
266
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:44,912
I will do feet along
as you keep ur socks on.
267
00:11:44,979 --> 00:11:46,530
(laughter)
268
00:11:46,614 --> 00:11:48,749
Okay, okay.
I never...
269
00:11:48,816 --> 00:11:52,252
let a guy
handcuff me the bed.
270
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,538
(laughter)
271
00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:56,590
(laughter continues)
272
00:11:56,657 --> 00:11:58,492
I have never slept
with Russian hockey team.
273
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,511
Ha! I lie!
274
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,012
I slept with them!
275
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,515
It was miracle on ice!
276
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,799
(laughter)
277
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,135
Ok, okay, okay.
(clears throat)
278
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,669
I never...
279
00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:12,473
got knocked up in high school.
280
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,058
(laughter)
281
00:12:14,142 --> 00:12:15,776
Fine.
282
00:12:18,513 --> 00:12:20,147
I never...
283
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,349
stole Delilah's teenage crush
284
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,951
and rocked his world
in the wave pool
285
00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:26,120
until he forgot
she even existed!
286
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,871
Oh, wait.
That's me again.
287
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,123
(laughing)
288
00:12:31,526 --> 00:12:32,910
(clears throat)
289
00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:34,411
DELILAH:
Well, it certainly
290
00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:36,696
didn't work out better for me,
marrying a military hero
291
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:38,365
who was the first one in
292
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:40,718
when they found where Saddam
Hussein hid the crown jewels.
293
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,419
(laughter, whooping)
294
00:12:42,504 --> 00:12:44,371
Don't tell me that
war was a mistake!
295
00:12:44,422 --> 00:12:46,373
(laughter continues)
296
00:12:46,424 --> 00:12:48,592
Don't worry, maybe you'll
get lucky and your husband
297
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:51,061
will clean the pool
of an Iraqi dictator one day.
298
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,713
(laughter)
299
00:12:53,765 --> 00:12:54,932
(mocking laughter)
300
00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:58,852
(laughter, whooping)
301
00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:01,555
I can't beat her.
302
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,524
It's like every time
I make a joke,
303
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,577
she turns it into a straight
line for an even better joke.
304
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,328
It's like she has writers
or something.
305
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:09,780
Let's get out of here.
306
00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:11,115
(knocking)
307
00:13:14,869 --> 00:13:15,735
Excuse me.
308
00:13:17,205 --> 00:13:18,589
We've had a noise complaint.
309
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:22,576
It is way too quiet in here.
310
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,712
(dance music playing)
(whooping, cheering)
311
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,548
♪ ♪
312
00:13:34,973 --> 00:13:36,140
Oh, my God.
313
00:13:36,224 --> 00:13:38,308
The security guard
is also a stripper.
314
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:39,893
Could it get any
cheese in than...
315
00:13:41,146 --> 00:13:43,197
Why can't I
stop dancing?
316
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:47,934
And it's raining,
it's raining...
317
00:13:47,986 --> 00:13:50,454
and... it stops.
318
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,406
Thank you for
the repeat business, sir.
319
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,775
- How's it going?
- Decent.
320
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:59,446
I've get a regular, but his sweat
smells like shrimp scampi.
321
00:13:59,497 --> 00:14:01,448
Ah, I love shrimp scampi!
322
00:14:01,499 --> 00:14:02,833
How much you make?
323
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,134
Uh, 40 bucks.
324
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,637
We're never gonna get enough
for a wedding like this.
325
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,839
We got to kick up
our game a little.
326
00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:17,681
(dance music playing)
327
00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,983
♪ ♪
328
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:22,436
♪ You got to know
when to hold 'em ♪
329
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,854
♪ When to hold 'em ♪
330
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:25,322
♪ Know when to fold 'em ♪
331
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,273
♪ When to fold 'em ♪
332
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,509
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
333
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,027
♪ Know when to run... ♪
334
00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:31,945
Hey! Get down
from there!
335
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,497
Uh, I think it
might be time to run.
336
00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:42,339
♪ ♪
337
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,901
Hey, hey. Natasha is next
for freaky dance, ah?
338
00:14:50,902 --> 00:14:52,519
Hey, give me your phone.
339
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,051
I'll bet her Air Force pilot
340
00:14:54,135 --> 00:14:55,407
would be interested to see
341
00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:58,004
who she's letting buzz
around her no-fly zone.
342
00:14:58,056 --> 00:15:00,340
♪ ♪
343
00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:02,476
I think maybe
we should get out of here
344
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,978
and leave these two alone.
345
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,280
Hey. Hey.
346
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,816
♪ ♪
347
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,569
(indistinct chatter)
348
00:15:12,654 --> 00:15:14,488
Where's Virginia?
349
00:15:15,907 --> 00:15:18,024
I'm want to get
my money's worth.
350
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,379
(click)
351
00:15:24,650 --> 00:15:26,700
Now it's over.
352
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:28,803
I'm never gonna pay
for a wedding.
353
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,972
It was a stupid idea, anyway.
354
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:32,640
We only made 47 bucks.
355
00:15:32,707 --> 00:15:34,258
Well, it was
pretty exciting, though.
356
00:15:34,343 --> 00:15:37,094
When security was chasing us,
we ran up the down escalator.
357
00:15:37,179 --> 00:15:38,546
BURT:
That was cool.
358
00:15:38,597 --> 00:15:40,147
You see that stuff
happen in movies,
359
00:15:40,215 --> 00:15:41,749
but you never think it's
gonna happen to you.
360
00:15:41,750 --> 00:15:44,402
Oh, great! Now you guys have a
story that has to stay in Vegas,
361
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,521
and the craziest thing I've done
is have red wine with fish.
362
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,324
That's, like, a thing
you're not supposed to...
363
00:15:50,392 --> 00:15:51,993
Never mind.
364
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:54,412
I am so glad you guys are here
365
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:55,530
to witness
366
00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:58,115
the greatest moment of my life.
367
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,500
I had to hide under
368
00:15:59,568 --> 00:16:01,502
a very noisy bed
for about eight hours,
369
00:16:01,587 --> 00:16:03,871
(singsongy):
but look what I got!
370
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,540
Oh, wait.
371
00:16:05,574 --> 00:16:07,258
There's a lot of
pictures of the wall.
372
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:10,678
I didn't realize with
which side of lenses facing.
373
00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:13,214
VIRGINIA: Oh, here they come.
Watch this.
374
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:16,767
I'm gonna get
a wedding canceled.
375
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,469
I've got to get
to that waxing.
376
00:16:18,554 --> 00:16:20,471
I got to turn my peach
into a nectarine.
377
00:16:20,556 --> 00:16:21,556
Well, well,
378
00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:22,807
well.
379
00:16:22,891 --> 00:16:24,758
I am so glad to final
meet the groom!
380
00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:26,027
You know,
I have some
381
00:16:26,094 --> 00:16:28,279
very funny pictures
of your bride-to-be,
382
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,399
or not-to-be--
that is the question.
383
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,401
This is Howard,
the best man.
384
00:16:33,452 --> 00:16:35,620
You meet the groom
last night, silly.
385
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,989
He's over there
paying the check.
386
00:16:38,073 --> 00:16:39,123
(giggles)
387
00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:45,746
Gosh, Virginia,
you look so shocked.
388
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,215
Oh, I understand...
you've never seen a husband
389
00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:50,217
paying a check before,
have you?
390
00:16:50,285 --> 00:16:53,254
(laughs) First time
for everything.
391
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,640
(exhales)
392
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,458
♪ ♪
393
00:17:01,463 --> 00:17:03,097
(groans)
394
00:17:04,516 --> 00:17:06,567
I can't watch this.
395
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:08,319
She's having our big,
396
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:11,322
fancy wedding that we always
dreamed of as little girls.
397
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,608
God, she wins at everything!
398
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:16,611
I'll bet she'll even end
during our dream funeral, too,
399
00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,464
the right stone coffin being
pull by New Kids On The Block.
400
00:17:20,465 --> 00:17:23,132
Enjoy yourself.
I'm not going in.
401
00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:27,755
I need you two
to do me a favor.
402
00:17:27,822 --> 00:17:31,008
(Bridal Chorus playing)
403
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,843
♪ ♪
404
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:46,357
(lively nice music playing)
405
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:56,200
Not in the mood!
406
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,201
Come with me.
407
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,619
No. I'm not going in.
408
00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,821
Trust me.
It's a surprise.
409
00:18:02,691 --> 00:18:05,543
("Bridal Chorus" continues)
410
00:18:05,545 --> 00:18:07,328
♪ ♪
411
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:18,172
♪ ♪
412
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,016
What the hell's
going on?
413
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,218
You're getting
your perfect wedding.
414
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,989
♪ ♪
415
00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:42,913
(music ends)
416
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:44,281
(whispers):
I need your ring.
417
00:18:44,366 --> 00:18:47,334
(soft gasp)
418
00:18:47,402 --> 00:18:50,538
JIMMY:
Dad wasn't able to buy Mom
the wedding they never had.
419
00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:53,290
MINISTER: We are gathered here today
to join this couple,
420
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:55,042
in blessed matrimony.
421
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,211
But that didn't mean
he couldn't steal it for her.
422
00:18:57,262 --> 00:19:00,097
Do you take this man,
for richer or poorer,
423
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,416
through sickness and in health,
424
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:05,436
to have to hold
till death do you part?
425
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,754
I do.
426
00:19:06,805 --> 00:19:07,588
I do.
427
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:12,059
Turns out you don't
always have to spend money
428
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,095
to give someone the day
they've always dreamed of.
429
00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:21,602
You may now kiss the bride.
430
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,880
(loud whooping)
431
00:19:32,947 --> 00:19:36,467
(applause, cheering)
432
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,786
MAN (over speakers):
Ladies and gentlemen,
433
00:19:38,837 --> 00:19:41,055
turn your attention
to the dance floor
434
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,973
to see the happy couple
435
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:46,427
in their first dance
as man and wife.
436
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:50,481
(Peter Frampton's
"Baby I Love Your Way" plays)
437
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,850
And now I'd like
to introduce
438
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:55,269
my darling husband's
best man,
439
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,438
a fella I would have married,
440
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,740
but Howard here
mashed up his who-ha
441
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,026
in a dirt bike accident.
(giggles)
442
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:04,862
They gave him a fake one,
but no thanks!
443
00:20:04,946 --> 00:20:06,447
Take it away, Howie!
444
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,699
And I'm just so thankful
you guys found each other,
445
00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:10,484
fell in love
and got pregnant with me.
446
00:20:10,535 --> 00:20:11,752
Thanks, son.
447
00:20:11,820 --> 00:20:15,673
It wasn't exactly
in that order, but thanks.
448
00:20:16,457 --> 00:20:20,675
♪ Oh, baby, I love your way,
every day ♪
449
00:20:21,243 --> 00:20:24,078
There will always be a wedge
between my Mom and Delilah,
450
00:20:24,129 --> 00:20:25,914
but at least Mom
will never feel
451
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,333
like Delilah got
a better wedding because...
452
00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:30,301
they got the same one.
453
00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:32,787
♪ Want to be with you
night and day ♪
454
00:20:32,838 --> 00:20:34,839
Everything worked out great
for Mom and Dad,
455
00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:38,059
but I still hadn't gotten to
see Sabrina do something crazy
456
00:20:38,126 --> 00:20:42,129
Luckily, in Vegas, it's never
too late for crazy to happen.
457
00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:45,233
Never.
458
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,504
I can't believe I never
got my something
459
00:20:47,505 --> 00:20:48,686
that to stain Vegas.
460
00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:50,188
Well, what about us
slow-dancing?
461
00:20:50,272 --> 00:20:51,689
That was kind of crazy.
462
00:20:51,774 --> 00:20:54,409
That was twice, and
it was at a wedding.
463
00:20:54,476 --> 00:20:57,078
What if you did it a third time
464
00:20:57,145 --> 00:20:59,447
at a rooftop bar
to an upbeat song
465
00:20:59,498 --> 00:21:01,416
that really shouldn't
be slow-danced to?
466
00:21:01,483 --> 00:21:03,701
Oh, that would definitely
have to stay in Vegas.
467
00:21:03,786 --> 00:21:05,787
(quietly): Come here.
(laughs)
468
00:21:05,838 --> 00:21:08,673
(up-tempo rock music playing)
469
00:21:16,466 --> 00:21:18,467
♪ ♪
470
00:21:18,518 --> 00:21:20,436
Thanks.
471
00:21:22,054 --> 00:21:23,855
What are friends for?
472
00:21:23,906 --> 00:21:28,242
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com