1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,774
"The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss covered door.
2
00:00:04,775 --> 00:00:07,242
"You manage to open it
only to find yourself
3
00:00:07,244 --> 00:00:10,045
"face-to-face with a hideous,
foul-smelling,
4
00:00:10,047 --> 00:00:11,730
moss-covered ogre."
5
00:00:11,732 --> 00:00:13,865
What do you do?
6
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,768
I say, "Hey, Ma,
what's for dinner?"
7
00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:21,656
Seventeen.
8
00:00:21,658 --> 00:00:25,660
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.
9
00:00:26,412 --> 00:00:29,498
By the by, I liked it, too.
10
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,784
How go the wedding plans,
Howard?
11
00:00:32,786 --> 00:00:34,753
Great.
We spent five hours last night
12
00:00:34,755 --> 00:00:36,505
at Macy's registering for gifts.
13
00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:37,956
Looks like I'm finally going
to have
14
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,791
that darling little earthenware
asparagus dish
15
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:40,959
I've always wanted.
16
00:00:40,961 --> 00:00:42,460
See, this is the good thing
17
00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:45,096
about having a girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
18
00:00:45,098 --> 00:00:47,799
I can spend my nights
doing whatever I want.
19
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,701
You mean like playing nerd games
with us
20
00:00:49,703 --> 00:00:53,137
and then taking
a suspiciously long shower?
21
00:00:55,825 --> 00:00:58,026
Maybe.
22
00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:01,646
We enter the dungeon.
23
00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:03,448
You see a dragon.
24
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,951
Really? So we're playing
Dungeons & Dragons
25
00:01:05,953 --> 00:01:08,670
and we walk into a dungeon
and see a dragon?
26
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:12,173
Isn't that a little
on the nose?
27
00:01:12,175 --> 00:01:14,709
When you play Chutes and
Ladders, do you complain
28
00:01:14,711 --> 00:01:17,045
about all the chutes
and all the ladders?
29
00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:21,349
Are you gonna eat
that whole pie?
30
00:01:21,351 --> 00:01:23,635
Maybe. Why not?
31
00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:26,671
Who do I have in my life
to watch my figure for?
32
00:01:27,974 --> 00:01:30,058
Oh, God, did you watch
Bridget Jones again?
33
00:01:30,977 --> 00:01:33,728
No, it's just that
everybody's got someone.
34
00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,364
Sheldon's with Amy,
Howard's getting married,
35
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:37,849
you're dating my sister.
36
00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:39,484
Now that Howard's
getting married,
37
00:01:39,486 --> 00:01:42,186
maybe he'll inflate one of
his old girlfriends for you.
38
00:01:43,522 --> 00:01:45,240
You know who I blame
for my loneliness?
39
00:01:45,242 --> 00:01:46,524
The United States of America.
40
00:01:46,526 --> 00:01:49,544
Your movies and your TV shows
promised streets paved
41
00:01:49,546 --> 00:01:52,998
with beautiful blonde women
with big bazongas.
42
00:01:53,966 --> 00:01:56,585
Eat another pie,
you'll have your own bazongas.
43
00:01:57,503 --> 00:01:58,703
That's cruel.
44
00:01:58,705 --> 00:02:00,422
You know it goes
straight to my hips.
45
00:02:01,474 --> 00:02:02,974
Gentlemen, please focus.
46
00:02:02,976 --> 00:02:05,477
You're facing
a fire-breathing dragon.
47
00:02:05,479 --> 00:02:07,145
I don't know if I want
to play anymore.
48
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:09,931
Because you don't have
a girlfriend?
49
00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:11,566
Well, good Lord,
if that becomes a reason not
50
00:02:11,568 --> 00:02:14,603
to play Dungeons & Dragons, this
game's in serious trouble.
51
00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:19,107
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:19,109 --> 00:02:22,577
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:24,279
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:24,281 --> 00:02:26,564
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:26,566 --> 00:02:29,284
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:29,286 --> 00:02:32,087
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:33,626
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:33,627 --> 00:02:34,338
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:34,339 --> 00:02:37,839
The Big Bang Theory 5x04
The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
Original Air Date on October 6, 2011
60
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,340
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:45,640
Now, I assume we use
this same wax later on
62
00:02:45,641 --> 00:02:47,941
to neaten up
each other's bikini regions.
63
00:02:47,943 --> 00:02:51,111
Yeah, my bikini region
is fine.
64
00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:53,463
Who's shocked? I'm not.
65
00:02:55,032 --> 00:02:56,233
(giggles)
66
00:02:56,235 --> 00:02:58,601
So, Bernadette, how's the
wedding planning going?
67
00:02:58,603 --> 00:03:00,954
And I'm not asking
as a prospective bridesmaid.
68
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:03,490
Pick me! Pick me!
69
00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:08,295
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
70
00:03:08,297 --> 00:03:09,612
Raj came along.
71
00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:12,949
He cried and ate half
the samples.
72
00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:15,085
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
73
00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:16,920
We should set him up
with someone.
74
00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:20,456
You know, I met
a really cute girl at work.
75
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:23,393
She's married to a guy
in one of our drug trials.
76
00:03:24,395 --> 00:03:26,112
Well, hello?
77
00:03:26,114 --> 00:03:27,530
She's married.
78
00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:29,316
Yeah, but her husband is in
79
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:31,301
serious congestive
heart failure,
80
00:03:31,303 --> 00:03:36,489
and a little birdie told me
he's in the placebo group.
81
00:03:38,142 --> 00:03:40,610
Okay, so future
grief-stricken widow
82
00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:42,162
is the one to beat.
83
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,366
Are we ready to order?
84
00:03:46,368 --> 00:03:47,334
One moment.
85
00:03:47,336 --> 00:03:49,202
I'm conducting
an experiment.
86
00:03:49,204 --> 00:03:53,173
With Dungeons
& Dragons dice?
87
00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:56,960
Yes. From here on in,
I've decided
88
00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:59,829
to make all trivial decisions
with a throw of the dice,
89
00:03:59,831 --> 00:04:01,181
thus freeing up my mind
90
00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:04,768
do what it does best--
enlighten and amaze.
91
00:04:05,936 --> 00:04:10,357
Page 14,
item seven.
92
00:04:10,359 --> 00:04:11,891
So, what's for dinner?
93
00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:15,061
A side of corn
succotash.
94
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:17,280
Hmm. Interesting.
95
00:04:17,282 --> 00:04:20,516
Um, Howard, can I see you
for a minute, please?
96
00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,819
I don't want to show any more
of your friends
97
00:04:22,821 --> 00:04:26,156
how I can fit
in the booster seats.
98
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:29,192
Uh, no, that's not it.
Just come with me, please.
99
00:04:30,861 --> 00:04:34,197
Let's see what I'll be washing
that succotash down with.
100
00:04:37,084 --> 00:04:38,885
A pitcher of margaritas.
101
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,756
Do you really want that?
102
00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:44,224
That's the great thing.
103
00:04:44,226 --> 00:04:45,558
It doesn't matter.
104
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,145
My mind is freed up to think
about more important things.
105
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:51,014
What's it thinking
about now?
106
00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:53,433
Hamburgers and lemonade.
107
00:04:54,602 --> 00:04:58,071
Um, Raj, there's someone
I want you to meet.
108
00:04:58,073 --> 00:05:00,607
This is my friend Emily.
I know her from my spin class.
109
00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:06,479
Raj, relax.
She can't hear you. She's deaf.
110
00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:11,734
Emily, this is
our friend Raj.
111
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,537
Oh!
112
00:05:14,539 --> 00:05:17,573
Look at you guys
just hitting it off.
113
00:05:17,575 --> 00:05:19,242
I am so good.
114
00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,599
Hi.
115
00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:30,420
She says, "It's
nice to meet you""
116
00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:31,638
Does she really mean that
117
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,356
or was she signing it
sarcastically?
118
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:39,028
Raj says it's nice
to meet you, too.
119
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,448
She says she has to go
back to her family,
120
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,650
but Penny has her
number if you want
121
00:05:43,652 --> 00:05:45,535
to text her and
get together.
122
00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:47,770
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
123
00:05:47,772 --> 00:05:52,208
Tell her,
"Maybe. Whatever, babe."
124
00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:56,129
He'll text you.
125
00:05:58,666 --> 00:06:01,384
Look at that. I have a date.
126
00:06:01,386 --> 00:06:02,952
I love America again.
127
00:06:06,674 --> 00:06:08,308
And now for dessert...
128
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:11,294
Come on, hot fudge sundae,
come on, hot fudge sundae.
129
00:06:11,296 --> 00:06:13,313
Bam!
That's what I'm talking about!
130
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:18,651
Okay, as soon
as she gets here,
131
00:06:18,653 --> 00:06:20,353
so she knows
I'm cool with it,
132
00:06:20,355 --> 00:06:22,655
I'm going to make a joke
about her being deaf.
133
00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:29,279
I was thinking, "Hey,
did you hear the one about...?
134
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:31,147
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
135
00:06:33,284 --> 00:06:37,420
Maybe we should revisit
your lonely fat guy plan.
136
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:39,422
Oh, she's here.
137
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:42,625
No joke.
138
00:06:46,881 --> 00:06:48,481
She says she's sorry
she's late.
139
00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:49,933
Tell her
it doesn't matter.
140
00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:53,019
Tell her, her eyes shimmer
like opalescent lilies
141
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:57,273
in the lake of the palace
of the celestial maidens.
142
00:06:58,392 --> 00:06:59,943
Really?
143
00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,895
That's the first thing
you want to say?
144
00:07:01,897 --> 00:07:03,646
I worked on it all night.
Use it.
145
00:07:03,648 --> 00:07:05,732
Look, I don't know the
sign for opalescent.
146
00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:06,866
Then spell it.
147
00:07:06,868 --> 00:07:08,234
I don't know how to spell it.
148
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:10,019
You're blowing this for me!
149
00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:13,740
He likes your eyes.
150
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:16,192
You're making me sound
like a caveman.
151
00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:19,412
She says, "Thank you.
You have nice eyes, too."
152
00:07:19,414 --> 00:07:22,081
Really? Ask her how many
children she wants,
153
00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:25,385
and whatever number she says,
say, "Me, too."
154
00:07:28,205 --> 00:07:29,722
No.
155
00:07:29,724 --> 00:07:32,725
Fine. Tell her I have a deep,
sexy voice
156
00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:34,677
like James Earl Jones.
157
00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:38,515
She doesn't know what James
Earl Jones sounds like.
158
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:41,818
Great.
Then she won't know I'm lying.
159
00:07:43,938 --> 00:07:46,990
Let's see, what else
can I tell you about me
160
00:07:46,992 --> 00:07:51,327
that would make you
like me?
161
00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:52,779
Ooh, I love music.
162
00:07:54,114 --> 00:07:55,748
Do you love music?
163
00:07:55,750 --> 00:08:00,036
You really want
to ask her that?
164
00:08:00,038 --> 00:08:02,839
You're right.
Everyone loves music.
165
00:08:04,842 --> 00:08:07,427
She says, "Do you play
an instrument?"
166
00:08:07,429 --> 00:08:09,078
No,
167
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,430
but when I was
six years old,
168
00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:12,465
I tried to start
a boy band called
169
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:15,218
Frankie Goes
to Bollywood.
170
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,590
But I couldn't get
any other boys to join,
171
00:08:20,592 --> 00:08:22,559
so my parents asked
the servants
172
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:25,028
to be my backup dancers.
173
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,429
Wait, when you sign
"servants,"
174
00:08:26,431 --> 00:08:27,614
don't sign it
like I'm bragging.
175
00:08:27,616 --> 00:08:29,482
Sign it in a way
that I sound humble
176
00:08:29,484 --> 00:08:34,537
with just a hint of
"That's right, I had servants."
177
00:08:35,405 --> 00:08:37,457
Do you hear yourself
178
00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:41,210
Yes, but she doesn't.
So get signing, hand monkey.
179
00:08:44,965 --> 00:08:49,618
I think I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus every day.
180
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,137
And then on Christmas morning,
181
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,056
under the tree is
a little puppy
182
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:56,308
with a red ribbon.
183
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,426
(chuckles)
184
00:08:57,428 --> 00:08:58,677
What are you doing?
185
00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,846
Texting Bernadette that
I'm gonna be late.
186
00:09:01,464 --> 00:09:02,648
Dude, what is she saying?
187
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,517
It's a funny story
about a puppy.
188
00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:06,135
Just smile and laugh.
189
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:07,820
(chuckles)
190
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:10,739
- Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- What? Why?
191
00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:12,942
The puppy died-- it
choked on a doll head.
192
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:14,527
Sad face, sad face!
193
00:09:17,614 --> 00:09:19,865
It's a little hard
to see with the city lights,
194
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:23,485
but that W-shaped constellation
is Cassiopeia.
195
00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:26,655
And she was the mother
of Andromeda who's over there.
196
00:09:27,924 --> 00:09:30,876
Look, pretty stars.
197
00:09:33,513 --> 00:09:36,999
This is her car.
198
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,551
She hopes she can see you again
sometime.
199
00:09:38,553 --> 00:09:40,302
Good, good.
200
00:09:40,304 --> 00:09:41,937
Oh, boy,
201
00:09:41,939 --> 00:09:42,888
help me out here.
202
00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:44,673
Does she want me
to kiss her or not?
203
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:47,342
I speak sign language,
I don't read minds.
204
00:09:47,344 --> 00:09:48,561
If you were me,
would you kiss her?
205
00:09:48,563 --> 00:09:51,013
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
206
00:10:00,657 --> 00:10:04,193
I was so smooth
on that date.
207
00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:06,712
You? I made
you smooth.
208
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,080
You were an idiot.
209
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:09,548
Whatever, dude.
She kissed me.
210
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,133
It might've been
on your lips,
211
00:10:11,135 --> 00:10:12,418
but it was my kiss.
212
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:14,887
Oh, fine. Let's agree
she kissed both of us.
213
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:18,207
Okay.
214
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:26,522
Mustache is looking good
there, Sheldon.
215
00:10:29,581 --> 00:10:31,132
Don't thank me.
Thank the dice.
216
00:10:31,134 --> 00:10:34,585
They told me what percentage
of my face to shave.
217
00:10:34,587 --> 00:10:36,387
Why are you still doing this?
218
00:10:36,389 --> 00:10:37,838
Because it's working.
219
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,473
In the past few weeks,
220
00:10:39,475 --> 00:10:41,342
unburdened by
trivial decisions,
221
00:10:41,344 --> 00:10:43,177
I've co-authored
two papers
222
00:10:43,179 --> 00:10:44,261
in notable peer-reviewed
journals,
223
00:10:44,263 --> 00:10:46,981
and I'm close to
figuring out why
224
00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:48,399
the Large Hadron
Collider has yet
225
00:10:48,401 --> 00:10:50,684
to isolate the Higgs
boson particle.
226
00:10:50,686 --> 00:10:53,053
You left out,
got chafed testicles
227
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:55,656
because you no longer
wear underpants.
228
00:10:58,393 --> 00:11:01,562
The dice giveth
and the dice taketh away.
229
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:05,166
Is Raj out
with Emily again?
230
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:07,168
Yeah, every night
for the last month.
231
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,253
Wow, can't believe
he has a girlfriend.
232
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:12,623
Me neither.
233
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:16,910
Here's some other fun news
on the Raj/Emily front.
234
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:20,347
He gave her a pair of diamond
earrings and leased her a car.
235
00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:21,765
You're kidding.
236
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:23,717
You think she's taking
advantage of him?
237
00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:24,935
Oh, of course not.
238
00:11:24,937 --> 00:11:26,637
She wouldn't do
something like that.
239
00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:28,355
She's deaf.
240
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:33,310
Deaf women can't be
gold diggers?
241
00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:35,396
Handicapped people
are nice, Leonard.
242
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:37,698
Everyone knows that.
243
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,735
Yeah, I actually
have information about Raj
244
00:11:41,737 --> 00:11:43,821
that would be helpful
with this discussion.
245
00:11:47,492 --> 00:11:50,544
Could you tell us?
246
00:11:50,546 --> 00:11:52,746
Let's see.
247
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,800
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
248
00:11:58,003 --> 00:11:59,336
Wait, hang on.
249
00:11:59,338 --> 00:12:00,721
Doubles.
Roll again.
250
00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:05,342
Okay, get this.
251
00:12:07,262 --> 00:12:09,563
It doesn't matter if
he's showering her with gifts,
252
00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:12,799
because the Koothrappalis
are vastly wealthy.
253
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,019
What do you mean
"vastly wealthy"?
254
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:17,321
Well, "wealthy" means
a lot of money.
255
00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:18,522
"Vastly" means even more.
256
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:20,858
I'm not sure
what's tripping you up.
257
00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:24,028
Look, I know they have money.
I don't think it's that much.
258
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:25,312
No, you're wrong.
259
00:12:25,314 --> 00:12:27,981
As you know, a few years ago,
I achieved one of
260
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:30,618
my lesser dreams
and became a notary public.
261
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:32,086
Well, from
time to time,
262
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:35,623
I notarize
banking documents for Raj.
263
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:40,327
The Koothrappalis aren't just
rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
264
00:12:41,546 --> 00:12:43,464
Well, so how much is that?
265
00:12:43,466 --> 00:12:47,218
About halfway between
Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
266
00:12:48,103 --> 00:12:49,069
What the hell?
267
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:50,688
The last time
we went to the zoo,
268
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,357
that son of a bitch
made me buy him a churro.
269
00:12:53,359 --> 00:12:55,893
Listen, guys, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be rude,
270
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:59,480
but I need to go call Raj's
sister, who I love so much.
271
00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,867
So vastly much.
272
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:10,708
Okay, so he's got money,
and it's a few gifts and a car.
273
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,793
And she got him to pay off
all her credit cards.
274
00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:15,696
What? He paid off
her credit cards?
275
00:13:15,698 --> 00:13:18,632
Damn it, I could've dated Raj
for a couple months.
276
00:13:20,218 --> 00:13:22,469
But I-I wouldn't have, because
I'm not that kind of girl.
277
00:13:22,471 --> 00:13:24,305
We should really talk to Raj.
278
00:13:24,307 --> 00:13:27,141
He's not going to listen,
he's in love.
279
00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:28,842
Can't figure out what to do?
280
00:13:28,844 --> 00:13:31,061
I remember those days.
281
00:13:31,063 --> 00:13:34,398
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to...
282
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,483
stay right here.
283
00:13:39,604 --> 00:13:41,238
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
284
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,439
- We should go.
- No.
285
00:13:42,441 --> 00:13:44,074
I'm the one that
introduced him to her.
286
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:45,609
I've got to
say something.
287
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:50,080
Wow.
288
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,900
You're engaged
to my friend.
289
00:13:53,902 --> 00:13:56,236
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind
where I get my motor running,
290
00:13:56,238 --> 00:13:59,406
as long as I park
in the right garage.
291
00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:04,244
I can't believe
you're engaged to my friend.
292
00:14:06,047 --> 00:14:07,831
(whispers):
Oh, here she comes.
293
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,234
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick
can't hear you.
294
00:14:14,973 --> 00:14:16,006
Hi.
295
00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:17,691
Oh, hey, hi.
296
00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:18,776
Nice to see you.
297
00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:22,112
Um, can we talk
to you about Raj?
298
00:14:23,248 --> 00:14:24,782
She says, "Sure,
what about him?"
299
00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:27,368
Okay, um, gosh,
how do I start?
300
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,104
Um, see, Raj is
kind of naive.
301
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:33,540
I mean, he hasn't dated
a whole lot of women.
302
00:14:33,542 --> 00:14:37,411
And I'm concerned that,
without meaning to,
303
00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:38,962
you might be
taking advantage of him.
304
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:41,615
You know, by letting him buy you
a bunch of expensive things.
305
00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:42,716
And I-I...
306
00:14:42,718 --> 00:14:44,468
Howard, focus.
307
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,836
Tell her what I'm saying.
308
00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:46,837
Right.
309
00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,639
Are you a gold digger or not?
310
00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:52,509
Oh, uh, something,
something,
311
00:14:52,511 --> 00:14:54,411
who the something do
you think you are?
312
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:55,979
Mind your own
something business
313
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:58,682
and go something
yourself.
314
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,351
(chuckles):
Oh.
315
00:15:00,353 --> 00:15:02,736
Wait, I got
this now.
316
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,973
I'm so mad at you!
317
00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,108
Okay, wait...
318
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,077
How dare you ambush my
girlfriend at the gym!
319
00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,745
We didn't mean
for it to be an ambush.
320
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:15,582
Just, it's kind of impossible
not to sneak up on deaf people.
321
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:19,253
And hey, since when
are you so chatty?
322
00:15:19,255 --> 00:15:20,487
I'm hammered.
323
00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:21,955
Raj, come here.
324
00:15:21,957 --> 00:15:24,875
This girl is trouble.
325
00:15:24,877 --> 00:15:26,593
I mean, what kind of
relationship is it
326
00:15:26,595 --> 00:15:29,129
where you buy her gifts
and she gives you sex?
327
00:15:29,131 --> 00:15:31,932
The best one I ever had!
328
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,268
Okay, come on.
329
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:35,803
You know you
can do better.
330
00:15:35,805 --> 00:15:38,338
Aha.
331
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,973
I see what's going on here.
332
00:15:39,975 --> 00:15:43,060
You and I had
our crazy night together,
333
00:15:43,062 --> 00:15:45,813
and now you can't stand
to see me with another woman.
334
00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:47,698
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's okay.
335
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,433
I can't get mad
at your feelings.
336
00:15:49,435 --> 00:15:50,701
I don't have feelings.
337
00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:51,685
Yeah, that's good.
338
00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:53,787
Keep telling
yourself that.
339
00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:57,624
He is cuter
now that I know he's rich.
340
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:04,197
I have a surprise
for you.
341
00:16:04,199 --> 00:16:05,466
Cover your eyes.
342
00:16:07,385 --> 00:16:09,753
Open them.
343
00:16:19,097 --> 00:16:21,348
It's a real ruby.
344
00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,151
It was a little
expensive,
345
00:16:24,153 --> 00:16:28,021
but no one can put
a price on love.
346
00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:31,492
Although, the people at Cartier
took a pretty good shot at it.
347
00:16:33,361 --> 00:16:35,529
(Skype ringtone playing)
348
00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:39,416
Oh, Mummy, Daddy.
349
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:40,784
What a nice surprise.
350
00:16:40,786 --> 00:16:44,471
No, it's not a nice surprise,
it's a bad surprise.
351
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,573
Penny called us.
352
00:16:46,575 --> 00:16:47,674
Penny?
353
00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:49,059
She told us
you're spending all our money
354
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:50,227
on your new girlfriend.
355
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:53,597
I just got her a
couple of things.
356
00:16:53,599 --> 00:16:55,782
She gives me things, too.
357
00:16:55,784 --> 00:16:56,967
Yeah, yeah, I'm
a gynecologist.
358
00:16:56,969 --> 00:16:59,670
I know exactly
what she gives you.
359
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:04,107
You need to find a nice
Indian girl from a good family.
360
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:06,426
If you keep seeing this woman,
you're cut off.
361
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:09,413
What? You're going to make me
choose between the woman I love
362
00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:13,484
and the money I... have
very strong feelings for?
363
00:17:13,486 --> 00:17:15,452
It's up to you.
364
00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:19,389
Well, I choose love.
365
00:17:19,391 --> 00:17:21,074
(scoffs)
You're an idiot.
366
00:17:23,211 --> 00:17:25,412
Love doesn't last.
367
00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:35,055
Well, he's going to
find out eventually.
368
00:17:35,057 --> 00:17:36,557
Think about it.
369
00:17:41,896 --> 00:17:46,483
My parents are making me
choose between money and you.
370
00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,852
I choose you.
371
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:54,107
No, I think we'll have
to return the car.
372
00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,494
And that necklace,
yeah, that, too.
373
00:17:57,496 --> 00:17:59,663
But none of those
things matter,
374
00:17:59,665 --> 00:18:02,366
because we have
something better.
375
00:18:02,368 --> 00:18:04,484
We have love.
376
00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:17,698
Oh, Penny, I
hurt so bad.
377
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,299
I know, I know.
378
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,301
Sometimes I put
the TV on mute
379
00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:23,520
just to pretend
she's still with me.
380
00:18:29,644 --> 00:18:33,363
But I can't watch the closed
captioning without crying.
381
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:37,851
Oh, I'm so sorry.
382
00:18:37,853 --> 00:18:39,853
I wish I could
make you feel better.
383
00:18:39,855 --> 00:18:41,572
Seriously?
384
00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:43,707
I'm heartbroken and
you're hitting on me?
385
00:18:43,709 --> 00:18:45,409
What?! No!
386
00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:47,911
Look, Penny,
you're great,
387
00:18:47,913 --> 00:18:50,130
but I had a long talk
with my parents,
388
00:18:50,132 --> 00:18:53,917
and they said if I date an
Indian girl, I get a Maserati.
389
00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:00,985
Mmm.
390
00:19:00,986 --> 00:19:02,186
Oh, cheesecake,
391
00:19:02,188 --> 00:19:03,720
you're just as good as a woman,
392
00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:05,656
even though I can't
have sex with you.
393
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:09,660
Try throwing it in the microwave
for a few seconds.
394
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:17,868
Should I use the rest room
or wait until we get home?
395
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:20,587
Come on, papa needs
to void his bladder.
396
00:19:20,589 --> 00:19:23,674
Oh, that's not what you want
to see after three buttermilks.
397
00:19:25,093 --> 00:19:26,260
Here you go, boys.
398
00:19:26,262 --> 00:19:28,078
I'll pick it up
when you're ready.
399
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,429
Thanks for dinner,
buddy.
400
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:31,215
Yeah, real big of you.
401
00:19:31,217 --> 00:19:33,200
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
402
00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,293
Oh, and don't cheap
out on the tip.
403
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:36,711
We all know
you're loaded now.
404
00:19:36,713 --> 00:19:40,713
== sync, corrected by elderman ==