1
00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:05,174
"The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss covered door.
2
00:00:05,175 --> 00:00:07,642
"You manage to open it
only to find yourself
3
00:00:07,644 --> 00:00:10,445
"face-to-face with a hideous,
foul-smelling,
4
00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:12,130
moss-covered ogre."
5
00:00:12,132 --> 00:00:14,265
What do you do?
6
00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:17,168
I say, "Hey, Ma,
what's for dinner?"
7
00:00:19,772 --> 00:00:22,056
Seventeen.
8
00:00:22,058 --> 00:00:26,060
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.
9
00:00:26,812 --> 00:00:29,898
By the by, I liked it, too.
10
00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,184
How go the wedding plans,
Howard?
11
00:00:33,186 --> 00:00:35,153
Great.
We spent five hours last night
12
00:00:35,155 --> 00:00:36,905
at Macy's registering for gifts.
13
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:38,356
Looks like I'm finally going
to have
14
00:00:38,358 --> 00:00:40,191
that darling little earthenware
asparagus dish
15
00:00:40,193 --> 00:00:41,359
I've always wanted.
16
00:00:41,361 --> 00:00:42,860
See, this is the good thing
17
00:00:42,862 --> 00:00:45,496
about having a girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
18
00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:48,199
I can spend my nights
doing whatever I want.
19
00:00:48,201 --> 00:00:50,101
You mean like playing nerd games
with us
20
00:00:50,103 --> 00:00:53,537
and then taking
a suspiciously long shower?
21
00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:58,426
Maybe.
22
00:00:59,345 --> 00:01:02,046
We enter the dungeon.
23
00:01:02,048 --> 00:01:03,848
You see a dragon.
24
00:01:03,850 --> 00:01:06,351
Really? So we're playing
Dungeons & Dragons
25
00:01:06,353 --> 00:01:09,070
and we walk into a dungeon
and see a dragon?
26
00:01:10,139 --> 00:01:12,573
Isn't that a little
on the nose?
27
00:01:12,575 --> 00:01:15,109
When you play Chutes and
Ladders, do you complain
28
00:01:15,111 --> 00:01:17,445
about all the chutes
and all the ladders?
29
00:01:18,563 --> 00:01:21,749
Are you gonna eat
that whole pie?
30
00:01:21,751 --> 00:01:24,035
Maybe. Why not?
31
00:01:24,037 --> 00:01:27,071
Who do I have in my life
to watch my figure for?
32
00:01:28,374 --> 00:01:30,458
Oh, God, did you watch
Bridget Jones again?
33
00:01:31,377 --> 00:01:34,128
No, it's just that
everybody's got someone.
34
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:36,764
Sheldon's with Amy,
Howard's getting married,
35
00:01:36,766 --> 00:01:38,249
you're dating my sister.
36
00:01:38,251 --> 00:01:39,884
Now that Howard's
getting married,
37
00:01:39,886 --> 00:01:42,586
maybe he'll inflate one of
his old girlfriends for you.
38
00:01:43,922 --> 00:01:45,640
You know who I blame
for my loneliness?
39
00:01:45,642 --> 00:01:46,924
The United States of America.
40
00:01:46,926 --> 00:01:49,944
Your movies and your TV shows
promised streets paved
41
00:01:49,946 --> 00:01:53,398
with beautiful blonde women
with big bazongas.
44
00:01:59,105 --> 00:02:00,822
You know it goes
straight to my hips.
45
00:02:01,874 --> 00:02:03,374
Gentlemen, please focus.
46
00:02:03,376 --> 00:02:05,877
You're facing
a fire-breathing dragon.
47
00:02:05,879 --> 00:02:07,545
I don't know if I want
to play anymore.
48
00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:10,331
Because you don't have
a girlfriend?
49
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:11,966
Well, good Lord,
if that becomes a reason not
50
00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:15,003
to play Dungeons & Dragons, this
game's in serious trouble.
51
00:02:16,088 --> 00:02:19,507
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:19,509 --> 00:02:22,977
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:22,979 --> 00:02:24,679
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:24,681 --> 00:02:26,964
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:26,966 --> 00:02:29,684
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:29,686 --> 00:02:32,487
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:32,489 --> 00:02:34,026
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:34,027 --> 00:02:34,738
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:38,239
The Big Bang Theory 5x04
The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
Original Air Date on October 6, 2011
60
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,740
== sync, corrected by Sp8ky ==
61
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:46,040
Now, I assume we use
this same wax later on
62
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,341
to neaten up
each other's bikini regions.
63
00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:51,511
Yeah, my bikini region
is fine.
64
00:02:51,513 --> 00:02:53,863
Who's shocked? I'm not.
65
00:02:55,432 --> 00:02:56,633
(giggles)
66
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,001
So, Bernadette, how's the
wedding planning going?
67
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:01,354
And I'm not asking
as a prospective bridesmaid.
68
00:03:01,356 --> 00:03:03,890
Pick me! Pick me!
69
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:08,695
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
70
00:03:08,697 --> 00:03:10,012
Raj came along.
71
00:03:10,014 --> 00:03:13,349
He cried and ate half
the samples.
72
00:03:13,351 --> 00:03:15,485
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
73
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,320
We should set him up
with someone.
74
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:20,856
You know, I met
a really cute girl at work.
75
00:03:20,858 --> 00:03:23,793
She's married to a guy
in one of our drug trials.
76
00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:26,512
Well, hello?
77
00:03:26,514 --> 00:03:27,930
She's married.
78
00:03:27,932 --> 00:03:29,716
Yeah, but her husband is in
79
00:03:29,718 --> 00:03:31,701
serious congestive
heart failure,
80
00:03:31,703 --> 00:03:36,889
and a little birdie told me
he's in the placebo group.
81
00:03:38,542 --> 00:03:41,010
Okay, so future
grief-stricken widow
82
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,562
is the one to beat.
83
00:03:44,848 --> 00:03:46,766
Are we ready to order?
84
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,734
One moment.
85
00:03:47,736 --> 00:03:49,602
I'm conducting
an experiment.
86
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:53,573
With Dungeons
& Dragons dice?
87
00:03:54,742 --> 00:03:57,360
Yes. From here on in,
I've decided
88
00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:00,229
to make all trivial decisions
with a throw of the dice,
89
00:04:00,231 --> 00:04:01,581
thus freeing up my mind
90
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:05,168
do what it does best--
enlighten and amaze.
91
00:04:06,336 --> 00:04:10,757
Page 14,
item seven.
92
00:04:10,759 --> 00:04:12,291
So, what's for dinner?
93
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,461
A side of corn
succotash.
94
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,680
Hmm. Interesting.
95
00:04:17,682 --> 00:04:20,916
Um, Howard, can I see you
for a minute, please?
96
00:04:20,918 --> 00:04:23,219
I don't want to show any more
of your friends
97
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,556
how I can fit
in the booster seats.
98
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,592
Uh, no, that's not it.
Just come with me, please.
99
00:04:31,261 --> 00:04:34,597
Let's see what I'll be washing
that succotash down with.
100
00:04:37,484 --> 00:04:39,285
A pitcher of margaritas.
101
00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:43,156
Do you really want that?
102
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,624
That's the great thing.
103
00:04:44,626 --> 00:04:45,958
It doesn't matter.
104
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,545
My mind is freed up to think
about more important things.
105
00:04:49,547 --> 00:04:51,414
What's it thinking
about now?
106
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,833
Hamburgers and lemonade.
107
00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:58,471
Um, Raj, there's someone
I want you to meet.
108
00:04:58,473 --> 00:05:01,007
This is my friend Emily.
I know her from my spin class.
109
00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:06,879
Raj, relax.
She can't hear you. She's deaf.
110
00:05:07,731 --> 00:05:12,134
Emily, this is
our friend Raj.
111
00:05:13,103 --> 00:05:14,937
Oh!
112
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:17,973
Look at you guys
just hitting it off.
113
00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:19,642
I am so good.
114
00:05:25,449 --> 00:05:26,999
Hi.
115
00:05:29,169 --> 00:05:30,820
She says, "It's
nice to meet you""
116
00:05:30,822 --> 00:05:32,038
Does she really mean that
117
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,756
or was she signing it
sarcastically?
118
00:05:35,259 --> 00:05:39,428
Raj says it's nice
to meet you, too.
119
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,848
She says she has to go
back to her family,
120
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:44,050
but Penny has her
number if you want
121
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,935
to text her and
get together.
122
00:05:45,937 --> 00:05:48,170
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
123
00:05:48,172 --> 00:05:52,608
Tell her,
"Maybe. Whatever, babe."
124
00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:56,529
He'll text you.
125
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:01,784
Look at that. I have a date.
126
00:06:01,786 --> 00:06:03,352
I love America again.
127
00:06:07,074 --> 00:06:08,708
And now for dessert...
128
00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:11,694
Come on, hot fudge sundae,
come on, hot fudge sundae.
129
00:06:11,696 --> 00:06:13,713
Bam!
That's what I'm talking about!
130
00:06:16,884 --> 00:06:19,051
Okay, as soon
as she gets here,
131
00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:20,753
so she knows
I'm cool with it,
132
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,055
I'm going to make a joke
about her being deaf.
133
00:06:26,426 --> 00:06:29,679
I was thinking, "Hey,
did you hear the one about...?
134
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,547
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
135
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:37,820
Maybe we should revisit
your lonely fat guy plan.
136
00:06:37,822 --> 00:06:39,822
Oh, she's here.
137
00:06:40,357 --> 00:06:43,025
No joke.
138
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,881
She says she's sorry
she's late.
139
00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:50,333
Tell her
it doesn't matter.
140
00:06:50,335 --> 00:06:53,419
Tell her, her eyes shimmer
like opalescent lilies
141
00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:57,673
in the lake of the palace
of the celestial maidens.
142
00:06:58,792 --> 00:07:00,343
Really?
143
00:07:00,345 --> 00:07:02,295
That's the first thing
you want to say?
144
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,046
I worked on it all night.
Use it.
145
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,132
Look, I don't know the
sign for opalescent.
146
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,266
Then spell it.
147
00:07:07,268 --> 00:07:08,634
I don't know how to spell it.
148
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,419
You're blowing this for me!
149
00:07:12,422 --> 00:07:14,140
He likes your eyes.
150
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,592
You're making me sound
like a caveman.
151
00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:19,812
She says, "Thank you.
You have nice eyes, too."
152
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,481
Really? Ask her how many
children she wants,
153
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,785
and whatever number she says,
say, "Me, too."
154
00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:30,122
No.
155
00:07:30,124 --> 00:07:33,125
Fine. Tell her I have a deep,
sexy voice
156
00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:35,077
like James Earl Jones.
157
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:38,915
She doesn't know what James
Earl Jones sounds like.
158
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:42,218
Great.
Then she won't know I'm lying.
159
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,390
Let's see, what else
can I tell you about me
160
00:07:47,392 --> 00:07:51,727
that would make you
like me?
161
00:07:51,729 --> 00:07:53,179
Ooh, I love music.
162
00:07:54,514 --> 00:07:56,148
Do you love music?
163
00:07:56,150 --> 00:08:00,436
You really want
to ask her that?
164
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,239
You're right.
Everyone loves music.
165
00:08:05,242 --> 00:08:07,827
She says, "Do you play
an instrument?"
166
00:08:07,829 --> 00:08:09,478
No,
167
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,830
but when I was
six years old,
168
00:08:10,832 --> 00:08:12,865
I tried to start
a boy band called
169
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,618
Frankie Goes
to Bollywood.
170
00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,990
But I couldn't get
any other boys to join,
171
00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:22,959
so my parents asked
the servants
172
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,428
to be my backup dancers.
173
00:08:25,430 --> 00:08:26,829
Wait, when you sign
"servants,"
174
00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:28,014
don't sign it
like I'm bragging.
175
00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:29,882
Sign it in a way
that I sound humble
176
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:34,937
with just a hint of
"That's right, I had servants."
177
00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:37,857
Do you hear yourself
178
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:41,610
Yes, but she doesn't.
So get signing, hand monkey.
179
00:08:45,365 --> 00:08:50,018
I think I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus every day.
180
00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,537
And then on Christmas morning,
181
00:08:51,539 --> 00:08:54,456
under the tree is
a little puppy
182
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:56,708
with a red ribbon.
183
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:57,826
(chuckles)
184
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,077
What are you doing?
185
00:08:59,079 --> 00:09:01,246
Texting Bernadette that
I'm gonna be late.
186
00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:03,048
Dude, what is she saying?
187
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:04,917
It's a funny story
about a puppy.
188
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,535
Just smile and laugh.
189
00:09:06,537 --> 00:09:08,220
(chuckles)
190
00:09:09,138 --> 00:09:11,139
- Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- What? Why?
191
00:09:11,141 --> 00:09:13,342
The puppy died-- it
choked on a doll head.
192
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,927
Sad face, sad face!
193
00:09:18,014 --> 00:09:20,265
It's a little hard
to see with the city lights,
194
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:23,885
but that W-shaped constellation
is Cassiopeia.
195
00:09:23,887 --> 00:09:27,055
And she was the mother
of Andromeda who's over there.
196
00:09:28,324 --> 00:09:31,276
Look, pretty stars.
197
00:09:33,913 --> 00:09:37,399
This is her car.
198
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:38,951
She hopes she can see you again
sometime.
199
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,702
Good, good.
200
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:42,337
Oh, boy,
201
00:09:42,339 --> 00:09:43,288
help me out here.
202
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,073
Does she want me
to kiss her or not?
203
00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:47,742
I speak sign language,
I don't read minds.
204
00:09:47,744 --> 00:09:48,961
If you were me,
would you kiss her?
205
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,413
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
206
00:10:01,057 --> 00:10:04,593
I was so smooth
on that date.
207
00:10:04,595 --> 00:10:07,112
You? I made
you smooth.
208
00:10:07,114 --> 00:10:08,480
You were an idiot.
209
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,948
Whatever, dude.
She kissed me.
210
00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:11,533
It might've been
on your lips,
211
00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:12,818
but it was my kiss.
212
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,287
Oh, fine. Let's agree
she kissed both of us.
213
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:18,607
Okay.
214
00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:26,922
Mustache is looking good
there, Sheldon.
215
00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,532
Don't thank me.
Thank the dice.
216
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:34,985
They told me what percentage
of my face to shave.
217
00:10:34,987 --> 00:10:36,787
Why are you still doing this?
218
00:10:36,789 --> 00:10:38,238
Because it's working.
219
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,873
In the past few weeks,
220
00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,742
unburdened by
trivial decisions,
221
00:10:41,744 --> 00:10:43,577
I've co-authored
two papers
222
00:10:43,579 --> 00:10:44,661
in notable peer-reviewed
journals,
223
00:10:44,663 --> 00:10:47,381
and I'm close to
figuring out why
224
00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:48,799
the Large Hadron
Collider has yet
225
00:10:48,801 --> 00:10:51,084
to isolate the Higgs
boson particle.
226
00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:53,453
You left out,
got chafed testicles
227
00:10:53,455 --> 00:10:56,056
because you no longer
wear underpants.
228
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:01,962
The dice giveth
and the dice taketh away.
229
00:11:03,631 --> 00:11:05,566
Is Raj out
with Emily again?
230
00:11:05,568 --> 00:11:07,568
Yeah, every night
for the last month.
231
00:11:07,570 --> 00:11:09,653
Wow, can't believe
he has a girlfriend.
232
00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:13,023
Me neither.
233
00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:17,310
Here's some other fun news
on the Raj/Emily front.
234
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:20,747
He gave her a pair of diamond
earrings and leased her a car.
235
00:11:20,749 --> 00:11:22,165
You're kidding.
236
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:24,117
You think she's taking
advantage of him?
237
00:11:24,119 --> 00:11:25,335
Oh, of course not.
238
00:11:25,337 --> 00:11:27,037
She wouldn't do
something like that.
239
00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:28,755
She's deaf.
240
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:33,710
Deaf women can't be
gold diggers?
241
00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:35,796
Handicapped people
are nice, Leonard.
242
00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:38,098
Everyone knows that.
243
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:42,135
Yeah, I actually
have information about Raj
244
00:11:42,137 --> 00:11:44,221
that would be helpful
with this discussion.
245
00:11:47,892 --> 00:11:50,944
Could you tell us?
246
00:11:50,946 --> 00:11:53,146
Let's see.
247
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:57,200
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
248
00:11:58,403 --> 00:11:59,736
Wait, hang on.
249
00:11:59,738 --> 00:12:01,121
Doubles.
Roll again.
250
00:12:04,075 --> 00:12:05,742
Okay, get this.
251
00:12:07,662 --> 00:12:09,963
It doesn't matter if
he's showering her with gifts,
252
00:12:09,965 --> 00:12:13,199
because the Koothrappalis
are vastly wealthy.
253
00:12:14,052 --> 00:12:15,419
What do you mean
"vastly wealthy"?
254
00:12:15,421 --> 00:12:17,721
Well, "wealthy" means
a lot of money.
255
00:12:17,723 --> 00:12:18,922
"Vastly" means even more.
256
00:12:18,924 --> 00:12:21,258
I'm not sure
what's tripping you up.
257
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:24,428
Look, I know they have money.
I don't think it's that much.
258
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:25,712
No, you're wrong.
259
00:12:25,714 --> 00:12:28,381
As you know, a few years ago,
I achieved one of
260
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:31,018
my lesser dreams
and became a notary public.
261
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,486
Well, from
time to time,
262
00:12:32,488 --> 00:12:36,023
I notarize
banking documents for Raj.
263
00:12:36,025 --> 00:12:40,727
The Koothrappalis aren't just
rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
264
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:43,864
Well, so how much is that?
265
00:12:43,866 --> 00:12:47,618
About halfway between
Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
266
00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:49,469
What the hell?
267
00:12:49,471 --> 00:12:51,088
The last time
we went to the zoo,
268
00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:53,757
that son of a bitch
made me buy him a churro.
269
00:12:53,759 --> 00:12:56,293
Listen, guys, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be rude,
270
00:12:56,295 --> 00:12:59,880
but I need to go call Raj's
sister, who I love so much.
271
00:13:01,382 --> 00:13:04,267
So vastly much.
272
00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:11,108
Okay, so he's got money,
and it's a few gifts and a car.
273
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:13,193
And she got him to pay off
all her credit cards.
274
00:13:13,195 --> 00:13:16,096
What? He paid off
her credit cards?
275
00:13:16,098 --> 00:13:19,032
Damn it, I could've dated Raj
for a couple months.
276
00:13:20,618 --> 00:13:22,869
But I-I wouldn't have, because
I'm not that kind of girl.
277
00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,705
We should really talk to Raj.
278
00:13:24,707 --> 00:13:27,541
He's not going to listen,
he's in love.
279
00:13:27,543 --> 00:13:29,242
Can't figure out what to do?
280
00:13:29,244 --> 00:13:31,461
I remember those days.
281
00:13:31,463 --> 00:13:34,798
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to...
282
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,883
stay right here.
283
00:13:40,004 --> 00:13:41,638
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
284
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:42,839
- We should go.
- No.
285
00:13:42,841 --> 00:13:44,474
I'm the one that
introduced him to her.
286
00:13:44,476 --> 00:13:46,009
I've got to
say something.
287
00:13:48,846 --> 00:13:50,480
Wow.
288
00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,300
You're engaged
to my friend.
289
00:13:54,302 --> 00:13:56,636
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind
where I get my motor running,
290
00:13:56,638 --> 00:13:59,806
as long as I park
in the right garage.
291
00:14:01,943 --> 00:14:04,644
I can't believe
you're engaged to my friend.
292
00:14:06,447 --> 00:14:08,231
(whispers):
Oh, here she comes.
293
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:10,634
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick
can't hear you.
294
00:14:15,373 --> 00:14:16,406
Hi.
295
00:14:16,408 --> 00:14:18,091
Oh, hey, hi.
296
00:14:18,093 --> 00:14:19,176
Nice to see you.
297
00:14:19,178 --> 00:14:22,512
Um, can we talk
to you about Raj?
298
00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:25,182
She says, "Sure,
what about him?"
299
00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:27,768
Okay, um, gosh,
how do I start?
300
00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:31,504
Um, see, Raj is
kind of naive.
301
00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:33,940
I mean, he hasn't dated
a whole lot of women.
302
00:14:33,942 --> 00:14:37,811
And I'm concerned that,
without meaning to,
303
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:39,362
you might be
taking advantage of him.
304
00:14:39,364 --> 00:14:42,015
You know, by letting him buy you
a bunch of expensive things.
305
00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:43,116
And I-I...
306
00:14:43,118 --> 00:14:44,868
Howard, focus.
307
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,236
Tell her what I'm saying.
308
00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:47,237
Right.
309
00:14:47,239 --> 00:14:49,039
Are you a gold digger or not?
310
00:14:51,109 --> 00:14:52,909
Oh, uh, something,
something,
311
00:14:52,911 --> 00:14:54,811
who the something do
you think you are?
312
00:14:54,813 --> 00:14:56,379
Mind your own
something business
313
00:14:56,381 --> 00:14:59,082
and go something
yourself.
314
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,751
(chuckles):
Oh.
315
00:15:00,753 --> 00:15:03,136
Wait, I got
this now.
316
00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:07,373
I'm so mad at you!
317
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:08,508
Okay, wait...
318
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:10,477
How dare you ambush my
girlfriend at the gym!
319
00:15:10,479 --> 00:15:12,145
We didn't mean
for it to be an ambush.
320
00:15:12,147 --> 00:15:15,982
Just, it's kind of impossible
not to sneak up on deaf people.
321
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:19,653
And hey, since when
are you so chatty?
322
00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:20,887
I'm hammered.
323
00:15:20,889 --> 00:15:22,355
Raj, come here.
324
00:15:22,357 --> 00:15:25,275
This girl is trouble.
325
00:15:25,277 --> 00:15:26,993
I mean, what kind of
relationship is it
326
00:15:26,995 --> 00:15:29,529
where you buy her gifts
and she gives you sex?
327
00:15:29,531 --> 00:15:32,332
The best one I ever had!
328
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:34,668
Okay, come on.
329
00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:36,203
You know you
can do better.
330
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:38,738
Aha.
331
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:40,373
I see what's going on here.
332
00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:43,460
You and I had
our crazy night together,
333
00:15:43,462 --> 00:15:46,213
and now you can't stand
to see me with another woman.
334
00:15:46,215 --> 00:15:48,098
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's okay.
335
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,833
I can't get mad
at your feelings.
336
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:51,101
I don't have feelings.
337
00:15:51,103 --> 00:15:52,085
Yeah, that's good.
338
00:15:52,087 --> 00:15:54,187
Keep telling
yourself that.
339
00:15:55,106 --> 00:15:58,024
He is cuter
now that I know he's rich.
340
00:16:01,813 --> 00:16:04,597
I have a surprise
for you.
341
00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:05,866
Cover your eyes.
342
00:16:07,785 --> 00:16:10,153
Open them.
343
00:16:19,497 --> 00:16:21,748
It's a real ruby.
344
00:16:21,750 --> 00:16:24,551
It was a little
expensive,
345
00:16:24,553 --> 00:16:28,421
but no one can put
a price on love.
346
00:16:28,423 --> 00:16:31,892
Although, the people at Cartier
took a pretty good shot at it.
347
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:35,929
(Skype ringtone playing)
348
00:16:38,516 --> 00:16:39,816
Oh, Mummy, Daddy.
349
00:16:39,818 --> 00:16:41,184
What a nice surprise.
350
00:16:41,186 --> 00:16:44,871
No, it's not a nice surprise,
it's a bad surprise.
351
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:46,973
Penny called us.
352
00:16:46,975 --> 00:16:48,074
Penny?
353
00:16:48,076 --> 00:16:49,459
She told us
you're spending all our money
354
00:16:49,461 --> 00:16:50,627
on your new girlfriend.
355
00:16:51,395 --> 00:16:53,997
I just got her a
couple of things.
356
00:16:53,999 --> 00:16:56,182
She gives me things, too.
357
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:57,367
Yeah, yeah, I'm
a gynecologist.
358
00:16:57,369 --> 00:17:00,070
I know exactly
what she gives you.
359
00:17:01,172 --> 00:17:04,507
You need to find a nice
Indian girl from a good family.
360
00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:06,826
If you keep seeing this woman,
you're cut off.
361
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:09,813
What? You're going to make me
choose between the woman I love
362
00:17:09,815 --> 00:17:13,884
and the money I... have
very strong feelings for?
363
00:17:13,886 --> 00:17:15,852
It's up to you.
364
00:17:17,255 --> 00:17:19,789
Well, I choose love.
365
00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:21,474
(scoffs)
You're an idiot.
366
00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:25,812
Love doesn't last.
367
00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:35,455
Well, he's going to
find out eventually.
368
00:17:35,457 --> 00:17:36,957
Think about it.
369
00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:46,883
My parents are making me
choose between money and you.
370
00:17:46,885 --> 00:17:49,252
I choose you.
371
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:54,507
No, I think we'll have
to return the car.
372
00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:57,894
And that necklace,
yeah, that, too.
373
00:17:57,896 --> 00:18:00,063
But none of those
things matter,
374
00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:02,766
because we have
something better.
375
00:18:02,768 --> 00:18:04,884
We have love.
376
00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:18,098
Oh, Penny, I
hurt so bad.
377
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,699
I know, I know.
378
00:18:19,701 --> 00:18:21,701
Sometimes I put
the TV on mute
379
00:18:21,703 --> 00:18:23,920
just to pretend
she's still with me.
380
00:18:30,044 --> 00:18:33,763
But I can't watch the closed
captioning without crying.
381
00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:38,251
Oh, I'm so sorry.
382
00:18:38,253 --> 00:18:40,253
I wish I could
make you feel better.
383
00:18:40,255 --> 00:18:41,972
Seriously?
384
00:18:41,974 --> 00:18:44,107
I'm heartbroken and
you're hitting on me?
385
00:18:44,109 --> 00:18:45,809
What?! No!
386
00:18:45,811 --> 00:18:48,311
Look, Penny,
you're great,
387
00:18:48,313 --> 00:18:50,530
but I had a long talk
with my parents,
388
00:18:50,532 --> 00:18:54,317
and they said if I date an
Indian girl, I get a Maserati.
389
00:19:00,619 --> 00:19:01,385
Mmm.
390
00:19:01,386 --> 00:19:02,586
Oh, cheesecake,
391
00:19:02,588 --> 00:19:04,120
you're just as good as a woman,
392
00:19:04,122 --> 00:19:06,056
even though I can't
have sex with you.
393
00:19:07,858 --> 00:19:10,060
Try throwing it in the microwave
for a few seconds.
394
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:18,268
Should I use the rest room
or wait until we get home?
395
00:19:18,270 --> 00:19:20,987
Come on, papa needs
to void his bladder.
396
00:19:20,989 --> 00:19:24,074
Oh, that's not what you want
to see after three buttermilks.
397
00:19:25,493 --> 00:19:26,660
Here you go, boys.
398
00:19:26,662 --> 00:19:28,478
I'll pick it up
when you're ready.
399
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,829
Thanks for dinner,
buddy.
400
00:19:29,831 --> 00:19:31,615
Yeah, real big of you.
401
00:19:31,617 --> 00:19:33,600
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
402
00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:35,693
Oh, and don't cheap
out on the tip.
403
00:19:35,695 --> 00:19:37,111
We all know
you're loaded now.
404
00:19:37,113 --> 00:19:41,113
== sync, corrected by Sp8ky ==