1
00:00:02,533 --> 00:00:05,473
"The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss covered door.
2
00:00:05,474 --> 00:00:07,941
"You manage to open it
only to find yourself
3
00:00:07,943 --> 00:00:10,744
"face-to-face with a hideous,
foul-smelling,
4
00:00:10,746 --> 00:00:12,429
moss-covered ogre."
5
00:00:12,431 --> 00:00:14,564
What do you do?
6
00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:17,467
I say, "Hey, Ma,
what's for dinner?"
7
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:22,355
Seventeen.
8
00:00:22,357 --> 00:00:26,359
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.
9
00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:30,197
By the by, I liked it, too.
10
00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,483
How go the wedding plans,
Howard?
11
00:00:33,485 --> 00:00:35,452
Great.
We spent five hours last night
12
00:00:35,454 --> 00:00:37,204
at Macy's registering for gifts.
13
00:00:37,206 --> 00:00:38,655
Looks like I'm finally going
to have
14
00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:40,490
that darling little earthenware
asparagus dish
15
00:00:40,492 --> 00:00:41,658
I've always wanted.
16
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:43,159
See, this is the good thing
17
00:00:43,161 --> 00:00:45,795
about having a girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
18
00:00:45,797 --> 00:00:48,498
I can spend my nights
doing whatever I want.
19
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,400
You mean like playing nerd games
with us
20
00:00:50,402 --> 00:00:53,836
and then taking
a suspiciously long shower?
21
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,725
Maybe.
22
00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:02,345
We enter the dungeon.
23
00:01:02,347 --> 00:01:04,147
You see a dragon.
24
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:06,650
Really? So we're playing
Dungeons & Dragons
25
00:01:06,652 --> 00:01:09,369
and we walk into a dungeon
and see a dragon?
26
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:12,872
Isn't that a little
on the nose?
27
00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:15,408
When you play Chutes and
Ladders, do you complain
28
00:01:15,410 --> 00:01:17,744
about all the chutes
and all the ladders?
29
00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:22,048
Are you gonna eat
that whole pie?
30
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,334
Maybe. Why not?
31
00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:27,370
Who do I have in my life
to watch my figure for?
32
00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:30,757
Oh, God, did you watch
Bridget Jones again?
33
00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:34,427
No, it's just that
everybody's got someone.
34
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:37,063
Sheldon's with Amy,
Howard's getting married,
35
00:01:37,065 --> 00:01:38,548
you're dating my sister.
36
00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:40,183
Now that Howard's
getting married,
37
00:01:40,185 --> 00:01:42,885
maybe he'll inflate one of
his old girlfriends for you.
38
00:01:44,221 --> 00:01:45,939
You know who I blame
for my loneliness?
39
00:01:45,941 --> 00:01:47,223
The United States of America.
40
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:50,243
Your movies and your TV shows
promised streets paved
41
00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:53,697
with beautiful blonde women
with big bazongas.
44
00:01:59,404 --> 00:02:01,121
You know it goes
straight to my hips.
45
00:02:02,173 --> 00:02:03,673
Gentlemen, please focus.
46
00:02:03,675 --> 00:02:06,176
You're facing
a fire-breathing dragon.
47
00:02:06,178 --> 00:02:07,844
I don't know if I want
to play anymore.
48
00:02:07,846 --> 00:02:10,630
Because you don't have
a girlfriend?
49
00:02:10,632 --> 00:02:12,265
Well, good Lord,
if that becomes a reason not
50
00:02:12,267 --> 00:02:15,302
to play Dungeons & Dragons, this
game's in serious trouble.
51
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:19,806
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:19,808 --> 00:02:23,276
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:23,278 --> 00:02:24,978
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:27,263
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:27,265 --> 00:02:29,983
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:32,786
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:32,788 --> 00:02:34,325
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:35,037
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:35,038 --> 00:02:38,938
The Big Bang Theory 5x04
The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
Original Air Date on October 6, 2011
60
00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:42,439
== Encoded, Ripped, Synced & Corrected by
$H@uN ==
61
00:02:43,378 --> 00:02:46,339
Now, I assume we use
this same wax later on
62
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,640
to neaten up
each other's bikini regions.
63
00:02:48,642 --> 00:02:51,810
Yeah, my bikini region
is fine.
64
00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:54,162
Who's shocked? I'm not.
65
00:02:56,934 --> 00:02:59,300
So, Bernadette, how's the
wedding planning going?
66
00:02:59,302 --> 00:03:01,653
And I'm not asking
as a prospective bridesmaid.
67
00:03:01,655 --> 00:03:04,189
Pick me! Pick me!
68
00:03:05,358 --> 00:03:08,994
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
69
00:03:08,996 --> 00:03:10,311
Raj came along.
70
00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:13,648
He cried and ate half
the samples.
71
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:15,784
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
72
00:03:15,786 --> 00:03:17,619
We should set him up
with someone.
73
00:03:17,621 --> 00:03:21,155
You know, I met
a really cute girl at work.
74
00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:24,092
She's married to a guy
in one of our drug trials.
75
00:03:25,094 --> 00:03:26,811
Well, hello?
76
00:03:26,813 --> 00:03:28,229
She's married.
77
00:03:28,231 --> 00:03:30,015
Yeah, but her husband is in
78
00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:32,000
serious congestive
heart failure,
79
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:37,188
and a little birdie told me
he's in the placebo group.
80
00:03:38,841 --> 00:03:41,309
Okay, so future
grief-stricken widow
81
00:03:41,311 --> 00:03:42,861
is the one to beat.
82
00:03:45,147 --> 00:03:47,065
Are we ready to order?
83
00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,033
One moment.
84
00:03:48,035 --> 00:03:49,901
I'm conducting
an experiment.
85
00:03:49,903 --> 00:03:53,872
With Dungeons
& Dragons dice?
86
00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:57,659
Yes. From here on in,
I've decided
87
00:03:57,661 --> 00:04:00,528
to make all trivial decisions
with a throw of the dice,
88
00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:01,880
thus freeing up my mind
89
00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:05,467
do what it does best--
enlighten and amaze.
90
00:04:06,635 --> 00:04:11,056
Page 14,
item seven.
91
00:04:11,058 --> 00:04:12,590
So, what's for dinner?
92
00:04:12,592 --> 00:04:15,760
A side of corn
succotash.
93
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:17,979
Hmm. Interesting.
94
00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:21,215
Um, Howard, can I see you
for a minute, please?
95
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:23,518
I don't want to show any more
of your friends
96
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,855
how I can fit
in the booster seats.
97
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:29,891
Uh, no, that's not it.
Just come with me, please.
98
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,896
Let's see what I'll be washing
that succotash down with.
99
00:04:37,783 --> 00:04:39,584
A pitcher of margaritas.
100
00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:43,455
Do you really want that?
101
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,923
That's the great thing.
102
00:04:44,925 --> 00:04:46,257
It doesn't matter.
103
00:04:46,259 --> 00:04:49,844
My mind is freed up to think
about more important things.
104
00:04:49,846 --> 00:04:51,713
What's it thinking
about now?
105
00:04:51,715 --> 00:04:54,132
Hamburgers and lemonade.
106
00:04:55,301 --> 00:04:58,770
Um, Raj, there's someone
I want you to meet.
107
00:04:58,772 --> 00:05:01,306
This is my friend Emily.
I know her from my spin class.
108
00:05:04,143 --> 00:05:07,178
Raj, relax.
She can't hear you. She's deaf.
109
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:12,433
Emily, this is
our friend Raj.
110
00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:15,236
Oh!
111
00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:18,272
Look at you guys
just hitting it off.
112
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:19,941
I am so good.
113
00:05:25,748 --> 00:05:27,298
Hi.
114
00:05:29,468 --> 00:05:31,119
She says, "It's
nice to meet you""
115
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:32,337
Does she really mean that
116
00:05:32,339 --> 00:05:34,055
or was she signing it
sarcastically?
117
00:05:35,558 --> 00:05:39,727
Raj says it's nice
to meet you, too.
118
00:05:39,729 --> 00:05:42,147
She says she has to go
back to her family,
119
00:05:42,149 --> 00:05:44,349
but Penny has her
number if you want
120
00:05:44,351 --> 00:05:46,234
to text her and
get together.
121
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:48,469
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
122
00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:52,907
Tell her,
"Maybe. Whatever, babe."
123
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,828
He'll text you.
124
00:05:59,365 --> 00:06:02,083
Look at that. I have a date.
125
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:03,651
I love America again.
126
00:06:07,373 --> 00:06:09,007
And now for dessert...
127
00:06:09,009 --> 00:06:11,993
Come on, hot fudge sundae,
come on, hot fudge sundae.
128
00:06:11,995 --> 00:06:14,012
Bam!
That's what I'm talking about!
129
00:06:17,183 --> 00:06:19,350
Okay, as soon
as she gets here,
130
00:06:19,352 --> 00:06:21,052
so she knows
I'm cool with it,
131
00:06:21,054 --> 00:06:23,354
I'm going to make a joke
about her being deaf.
132
00:06:26,725 --> 00:06:29,978
I was thinking, "Hey,
did you hear the one about...?
133
00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:31,846
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
134
00:06:33,983 --> 00:06:38,119
Maybe we should revisit
your lonely fat guy plan.
135
00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:40,121
Oh, she's here.
136
00:06:40,656 --> 00:06:43,324
No joke.
137
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,180
She says she's sorry
she's late.
138
00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:50,632
Tell her
it doesn't matter.
139
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:53,718
Tell her, her eyes shimmer
like opalescent lilies
140
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,972
in the lake of the palace
of the celestial maidens.
141
00:06:59,091 --> 00:07:00,642
Really?
142
00:07:00,644 --> 00:07:02,594
That's the first thing
you want to say?
143
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,345
I worked on it all night.
Use it.
144
00:07:04,347 --> 00:07:06,431
Look, I don't know the
sign for opalescent.
145
00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:07,565
Then spell it.
146
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:08,933
I don't know how to spell it.
147
00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:10,718
You're blowing this for me!
148
00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:14,439
He likes your eyes.
149
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:16,891
You're making me sound
like a caveman.
150
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,111
She says, "Thank you.
You have nice eyes, too."
151
00:07:20,113 --> 00:07:22,780
Really? Ask her how many
children she wants,
152
00:07:22,782 --> 00:07:26,084
and whatever number she says,
say, "Me, too."
153
00:07:28,904 --> 00:07:30,421
No.
154
00:07:30,423 --> 00:07:33,424
Fine. Tell her I have a deep,
sexy voice
155
00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:35,376
like James Earl Jones.
156
00:07:35,378 --> 00:07:39,214
She doesn't know what James
Earl Jones sounds like.
157
00:07:39,216 --> 00:07:42,517
Great.
Then she won't know I'm lying.
158
00:07:44,637 --> 00:07:47,689
Let's see, what else
can I tell you about me
159
00:07:47,691 --> 00:07:52,026
that would make you
like me?
160
00:07:52,028 --> 00:07:53,478
Ooh, I love music.
161
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:56,447
Do you love music?
162
00:07:56,449 --> 00:08:00,735
You really want
to ask her that?
163
00:08:00,737 --> 00:08:03,538
You're right.
Everyone loves music.
164
00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:08,126
She says, "Do you play
an instrument?"
165
00:08:08,128 --> 00:08:09,777
No,
166
00:08:09,779 --> 00:08:11,129
but when I was
six years old,
167
00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:13,164
I tried to start
a boy band called
168
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,917
Frankie Goes
to Bollywood.
169
00:08:18,587 --> 00:08:21,289
But I couldn't get
any other boys to join,
170
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,258
so my parents asked
the servants
171
00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:25,727
to be my backup dancers.
172
00:08:25,729 --> 00:08:27,128
Wait, when you sign
"servants,"
173
00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,313
don't sign it
like I'm bragging.
174
00:08:28,315 --> 00:08:30,181
Sign it in a way
that I sound humble
175
00:08:30,183 --> 00:08:35,236
with just a hint of
"That's right, I had servants."
176
00:08:36,104 --> 00:08:38,156
Do you hear yourself
177
00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:41,909
Yes, but she doesn't.
So get signing, hand monkey.
178
00:08:45,664 --> 00:08:50,317
I think I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus every day.
179
00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:51,836
And then on Christmas morning,
180
00:08:51,838 --> 00:08:54,755
under the tree is
a little puppy
181
00:08:54,757 --> 00:08:57,007
with a red ribbon.
182
00:08:58,127 --> 00:08:59,376
What are you doing?
183
00:08:59,378 --> 00:09:01,545
Texting Bernadette that
I'm gonna be late.
184
00:09:02,163 --> 00:09:03,347
Dude, what is she saying?
185
00:09:03,349 --> 00:09:05,216
It's a funny story
about a puppy.
186
00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:06,834
Just smile and laugh.
187
00:09:09,437 --> 00:09:11,438
- Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- What? Why?
188
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,641
The puppy died-- it
choked on a doll head.
189
00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:15,226
Sad face, sad face!
190
00:09:18,313 --> 00:09:20,564
It's a little hard
to see with the city lights,
191
00:09:20,566 --> 00:09:24,184
but that W-shaped constellation
is Cassiopeia.
192
00:09:24,186 --> 00:09:27,354
And she was the mother
of Andromeda who's over there.
193
00:09:28,623 --> 00:09:31,575
Look, pretty stars.
194
00:09:34,212 --> 00:09:37,698
This is her car.
195
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,250
She hopes she can see you again
sometime.
196
00:09:39,252 --> 00:09:41,001
Good, good.
197
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:42,636
Oh, boy,
198
00:09:42,638 --> 00:09:43,587
help me out here.
199
00:09:43,589 --> 00:09:45,372
Does she want me
to kiss her or not?
200
00:09:45,374 --> 00:09:48,041
I speak sign language,
I don't read minds.
201
00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:49,260
If you were me,
would you kiss her?
202
00:09:49,262 --> 00:09:51,712
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
203
00:10:01,356 --> 00:10:04,892
I was so smooth
on that date.
204
00:10:04,894 --> 00:10:07,411
You? I made
you smooth.
205
00:10:07,413 --> 00:10:08,779
You were an idiot.
206
00:10:08,781 --> 00:10:10,247
Whatever, dude.
She kissed me.
207
00:10:10,249 --> 00:10:11,832
It might've been
on your lips,
208
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,117
but it was my kiss.
209
00:10:13,119 --> 00:10:15,586
Oh, fine. Let's agree
she kissed both of us.
210
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:18,906
Okay.
211
00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:27,221
Mustache is looking good
there, Sheldon.
212
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,831
Don't thank me.
Thank the dice.
213
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:35,284
They told me what percentage
of my face to shave.
214
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,086
Why are you still doing this?
215
00:10:37,088 --> 00:10:38,537
Because it's working.
216
00:10:38,539 --> 00:10:40,172
In the past few weeks,
217
00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:42,041
unburdened by
trivial decisions,
218
00:10:42,043 --> 00:10:43,876
I've co-authored
two papers
219
00:10:43,878 --> 00:10:44,960
in notable peer-reviewed
journals,
220
00:10:44,962 --> 00:10:47,680
and I'm close to
figuring out why
221
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:49,098
the Large Hadron
Collider has yet
222
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,383
to isolate the Higgs
boson particle.
223
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,752
You left out,
got chafed testicles
224
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,355
because you no longer
wear underpants.
225
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,261
The dice giveth
and the dice taketh away.
226
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,865
Is Raj out
with Emily again?
227
00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,867
Yeah, every night
for the last month.
228
00:11:07,869 --> 00:11:09,952
Wow, can't believe
he has a girlfriend.
229
00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:13,322
Me neither.
230
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,609
Here's some other fun news
on the Raj/Emily front.
231
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:21,046
He gave her a pair of diamond
earrings and leased her a car.
232
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,464
You're kidding.
233
00:11:22,466 --> 00:11:24,416
You think she's taking
advantage of him?
234
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:25,634
Oh, of course not.
235
00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:27,336
She wouldn't do
something like that.
236
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,054
She's deaf.
237
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:34,009
Deaf women can't be
gold diggers?
238
00:11:34,011 --> 00:11:36,095
Handicapped people
are nice, Leonard.
239
00:11:36,097 --> 00:11:38,397
Everyone knows that.
240
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:42,434
Yeah, I actually
have information about Raj
241
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:44,520
that would be helpful
with this discussion.
242
00:11:48,191 --> 00:11:51,243
Could you tell us?
243
00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:53,445
Let's see.
244
00:11:55,332 --> 00:11:57,499
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
245
00:11:58,702 --> 00:12:00,035
Wait, hang on.
246
00:12:00,037 --> 00:12:01,420
Doubles.
Roll again.
247
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,041
Okay, get this.
248
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,262
It doesn't matter if
he's showering her with gifts,
249
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:13,498
because the Koothrappalis
are vastly wealthy.
250
00:12:14,351 --> 00:12:15,718
What do you mean
"vastly wealthy"?
251
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,020
Well, "wealthy" means
a lot of money.
252
00:12:18,022 --> 00:12:19,221
"Vastly" means even more.
253
00:12:19,223 --> 00:12:21,557
I'm not sure
what's tripping you up.
254
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,727
Look, I know they have money.
I don't think it's that much.
255
00:12:24,729 --> 00:12:26,011
No, you're wrong.
256
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,680
As you know, a few years ago,
I achieved one of
257
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,317
my lesser dreams
and became a notary public.
258
00:12:31,319 --> 00:12:32,785
Well, from
time to time,
259
00:12:32,787 --> 00:12:36,322
I notarize
banking documents for Raj.
260
00:12:36,324 --> 00:12:41,026
The Koothrappalis aren't just
rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
261
00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,163
Well, so how much is that?
262
00:12:44,165 --> 00:12:47,917
About halfway between
Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
263
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:49,768
What the hell?
264
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,387
The last time
we went to the zoo,
265
00:12:51,389 --> 00:12:54,056
that son of a bitch
made me buy him a churro.
266
00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:56,592
Listen, guys, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be rude,
267
00:12:56,594 --> 00:13:00,179
but I need to go call Raj's
sister, who I love so much.
268
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,566
So vastly much.
269
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:11,407
Okay, so he's got money,
and it's a few gifts and a car.
270
00:13:11,409 --> 00:13:13,492
And she got him to pay off
all her credit cards.
271
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:16,395
What? He paid off
her credit cards?
272
00:13:16,397 --> 00:13:19,331
Damn it, I could've dated Raj
for a couple months.
273
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:23,168
But I-I wouldn't have, because
I'm not that kind of girl.
274
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,004
We should really talk to Raj.
275
00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:27,840
He's not going to listen,
he's in love.
276
00:13:27,842 --> 00:13:29,541
Can't figure out what to do?
277
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,760
I remember those days.
278
00:13:31,762 --> 00:13:35,097
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to...
279
00:13:35,099 --> 00:13:37,182
stay right here.
280
00:13:40,303 --> 00:13:41,937
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
281
00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:43,138
- We should go.
- No.
282
00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:44,773
I'm the one that
introduced him to her.
283
00:13:44,775 --> 00:13:46,308
I've got to
say something.
284
00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:50,779
Wow.
285
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,599
You're engaged
to my friend.
286
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,935
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind
where I get my motor running,
287
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:00,105
as long as I park
in the right garage.
288
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,943
I can't believe
you're engaged to my friend.
289
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,530
Oh, here she comes.
290
00:14:08,532 --> 00:14:10,933
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick
can't hear you.
291
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:16,705
Hi.
292
00:14:16,707 --> 00:14:18,390
Oh, hey, hi.
293
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:19,475
Nice to see you.
294
00:14:19,477 --> 00:14:22,811
Um, can we talk
to you about Raj?
295
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,481
She says, "Sure,
what about him""
296
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:28,067
Okay, um, gosh,
how do I start?
297
00:14:28,069 --> 00:14:31,803
Um, see, Raj is
kind of naive.
298
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,239
I mean, he hasn't dated
a whole lot of women.
299
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:38,110
And I'm concerned that,
without meaning to,
300
00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:39,661
you might be
taking advantage of him.
301
00:14:39,663 --> 00:14:42,314
You know, by letting him buy you
a bunch of expensive things.
302
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,415
And I-I...
303
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,167
Howard, focus.
304
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:46,535
Tell her what I'm saying.
305
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:47,536
Right.
306
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,338
Are you a gold digger or not?
307
00:14:51,408 --> 00:14:53,208
Oh, uh, something,
something,
308
00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:55,110
who the something do
you think you are?
309
00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:56,678
Mind your own
something business
310
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,381
and go something
yourself.
311
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,050
Oh.
312
00:15:01,052 --> 00:15:03,435
Wait, I got
this now.
313
00:15:06,189 --> 00:15:07,672
I'm so mad at you!
314
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:08,807
Okay, wait...
315
00:15:08,809 --> 00:15:10,776
How dare you ambush my
girlfriend at the gym!
316
00:15:10,778 --> 00:15:12,444
We didn't mean
for it to be an ambush.
317
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:16,281
Just, it's kind of impossible
not to sneak up on deaf people.
318
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,952
And hey, since when
are you so chatty?
319
00:15:19,954 --> 00:15:21,186
I'm hammered.
320
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,654
Raj, come here.
321
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,574
This girl is trouble.
322
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,292
I mean, what kind of
relationship is it
323
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,828
where you buy her gifts
and she gives you sex?
324
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:32,631
The best one I ever had!
325
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,967
Okay, come on.
326
00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:36,502
You know you
can do better.
327
00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:39,037
Aha.
328
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,672
I see what's going on here.
329
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,759
You and I had
our crazy night together,
330
00:15:43,761 --> 00:15:46,512
and now you can't stand
to see me with another woman.
331
00:15:46,514 --> 00:15:48,397
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's okay.
332
00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,132
I can't get mad
at your feelings.
333
00:15:50,134 --> 00:15:51,400
I don't have feelings.
334
00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:52,384
Yeah, that's good.
335
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,486
Keep telling
yourself that.
336
00:15:55,405 --> 00:15:58,323
He is cuter
now that I know he's rich.
337
00:16:02,112 --> 00:16:04,896
I have a surprise
for you.
338
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:06,165
Cover your eyes.
339
00:16:08,084 --> 00:16:10,452
Open them.
340
00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:22,047
It's a real ruby.
341
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,850
It was a little
expensive,
342
00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:28,720
but no one can put
a price on love.
343
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,191
Although, the people at Cartier
took a pretty good shot at it.
344
00:16:38,815 --> 00:16:40,115
Oh, Mummy, Daddy.
345
00:16:40,117 --> 00:16:41,483
What a nice surprise.
346
00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:45,170
No, it's not a nice surprise,
it's a bad surprise.
347
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,272
Penny called us.
348
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,373
Penny?
349
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,758
She told us
you're spending all our money
350
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,926
on your new girlfriend.
351
00:16:51,694 --> 00:16:54,296
I just got her a
couple of things.
352
00:16:54,298 --> 00:16:56,481
She gives me things, too.
353
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,666
Yeah, yeah, I'm
a gynecologist.
354
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,369
I know exactly
what she gives you.
355
00:17:01,471 --> 00:17:04,806
You need to find a nice
Indian girl from a good family.
356
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:07,125
If you keep seeing this woman,
you're cut off.
357
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,112
What? You're going to make me
choose between the woman I love
358
00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:14,183
and the money I... have
very strong feelings for?
359
00:17:14,185 --> 00:17:16,151
It's up to you.
360
00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:20,088
Well, I choose love.
361
00:17:20,090 --> 00:17:21,773
You're an idiot.
362
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,111
Love doesn't last.
363
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:35,754
Well, he's going to
find out eventually.
364
00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:37,256
Think about it.
365
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:47,182
My parents are making me
choose between money and you.
366
00:17:47,184 --> 00:17:49,551
I choose you.
367
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,806
No, I think we'll have
to return the car.
368
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,193
And that necklace,
yeah, that, too.
369
00:17:58,195 --> 00:18:00,362
But none of those
things matter,
370
00:18:00,364 --> 00:18:03,065
because we have
something better.
371
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,183
We have love.
372
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:18,397
Oh, Penny, I
hurt so bad.
373
00:18:18,399 --> 00:18:19,998
I know, I know.
374
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,000
Sometimes I put
the TV on mute
375
00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:24,219
just to pretend
she's still with me.
376
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:34,062
But I can't watch the closed
captioning without crying.
377
00:18:35,898 --> 00:18:38,550
Oh, I'm so sorry.
378
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:40,552
I wish I could
make you feel better.
379
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,271
Seriously?
380
00:18:42,273 --> 00:18:44,406
I'm heartbroken and
you're hitting on me?
381
00:18:44,408 --> 00:18:46,108
What?! No!
382
00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:48,610
Look, Penny,
you're great,
383
00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:50,829
but I had a long talk
with my parents,
384
00:18:50,831 --> 00:18:54,616
and they said if I date an
Indian girl, I get a Maserati.
385
00:19:00,918 --> 00:19:01,684
Mmm.
386
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:02,885
Oh, cheesecake,
387
00:19:02,887 --> 00:19:04,419
you're just as good as a woman,
388
00:19:04,421 --> 00:19:06,355
even though I can't
have sex with you.
389
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:10,359
Try throwing it in the microwave
for a few seconds.
390
00:19:15,532 --> 00:19:18,567
Should I use the rest room
or wait until we get home?
391
00:19:18,569 --> 00:19:21,286
Come on, papa needs
to void his bladder.
392
00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:24,373
Oh, that's not what you want
to see after three buttermilks.
393
00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:26,959
Here you go, boys.
394
00:19:26,961 --> 00:19:28,777
I'll pick it up
when you're ready.
395
00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:30,128
Thanks for dinner,
buddy.
396
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,914
Yeah, real big of you.
397
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,899
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
398
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:35,992
Oh, and don't cheap
out on the tip.
399
00:19:35,994 --> 00:19:37,410
We all know
you're loaded now.
400
00:19:39,412 --> 00:20:08,412
== Encoded, Ripped, Synced & Corrected by
$H@uN ==