1
00:00:00,124 --> 00:00:02,002
Alex, I got to level 35!
2
00:00:02,823 --> 00:00:04,129
[German accent]
There is no Alex.
3
00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:08,508
Hi, I am Hans, your favorite
foreign exchange student.
4
00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:10,230
[Laughs]
5
00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:12,715
Well, hello, Hans,
it's been a while.
6
00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:16,469
We've missed you
at our high school.
7
00:00:16,503 --> 00:00:18,304
Yes, how has
the cheerleading been going?
8
00:00:18,339 --> 00:00:20,106
Have you been telling
the football team
9
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:22,442
to play defense
und be aggressive-
10
00:00:22,476 --> 00:00:24,608
be, be, be aggressive?
11
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,614
Well, uh, I was actually
made the captain
12
00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:30,516
of the cheerleading team
after Sally had a baby
13
00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:33,786
in the bathroom.
14
00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:36,370
Uh, how were your travels?
15
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,664
Oh, they were magnificent
and comprehensive.
16
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:42,045
I have circled the globe
to try and find someone
17
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:43,195
as beautiful as you,
18
00:00:43,213 --> 00:00:46,399
und I have failed.
19
00:00:46,433 --> 00:00:50,837
Oh, well, maybe
we should go do it
20
00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:54,721
on the guschtenflauden.
21
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:57,477
Oh! What the heck
is a guschtenflauden?
22
00:00:57,511 --> 00:00:59,062
You're silly.
23
00:00:59,096 --> 00:01:00,680
It's a German word for table.
24
00:01:00,714 --> 00:01:01,812
- Oh.
- Yeah, I learnt German a lot.
25
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,883
Shh...
Yeah.
26
00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:07,484
Oh, somebody needs more
tutoring, it seems like.
27
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,921
- Oh, yeah.
- Come with me over to
28
00:01:08,956 --> 00:01:12,447
- the guschtenflauden.
- Okay. [Laughs]
29
00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:15,795
Whitney is taped in front of
a live studio audience.
30
00:01:15,829 --> 00:01:17,411
You heard me.
31
00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,233
Maybe I'll get a smoothie, or
maybe I'll get a super smoothie.
32
00:01:21,251 --> 00:01:23,619
I feel like my body
probably needs all that crap.
33
00:01:23,671 --> 00:01:26,622
Yeah, but what is
the "ah-sa-yee" berry?
34
00:01:26,674 --> 00:01:28,207
What is that?
Is that gonna stick around?
35
00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:30,126
'Cause I feel like
I got into Goji berry
36
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:32,912
and then it just,
you know, went away-
37
00:01:35,716 --> 00:01:38,618
Wow.
38
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:40,153
What?
39
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:44,607
You totally checked her out.
40
00:01:44,641 --> 00:01:47,110
- Who?
- Who?
41
00:01:47,144 --> 00:01:50,110
Spongeboob sweatpants.
44
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,374
[Scoffs]
You ogled her,
45
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:03,643
and while I was sharing
my feelings with you.
46
00:02:03,677 --> 00:02:06,312
That's-that's pretty rude.
47
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:08,795
I didn't ogle anyone, Whit.
48
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:09,880
Alex.
49
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,353
[Unintelligible, mocking]
Honey.
50
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,470
I was looking to see if he was
refilling that half-and-half.
51
00:02:17,174 --> 00:02:18,707
No, you weren't.
52
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:20,348
Just admit
that you checked her out.
53
00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:21,894
No, I don't even know
who you're talking about.
54
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:22,851
Honestly.
55
00:02:23,147 --> 00:02:24,728
So you're sticking
with that story?
56
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,556
- I'm sticking with the truth.
- Okay, okay. [Clears throat]
57
00:02:27,591 --> 00:02:29,976
Hi, I'll a vanilla latte, two pumps.
58
00:02:30,011 --> 00:02:34,528
I'm gonna be outside, finding us a table.
Bring sugar, please.
59
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:40,160
Why is he lying about it?
I know what I saw.
60
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,655
He doesn't even use that half-and-half.
61
00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:45,533
He's like a girl with his 2%.
62
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,652
Well, it's better than
my ex-husband's move
63
00:02:47,686 --> 00:02:49,320
of checking out hot chicks
and then having intercourse
64
00:02:49,355 --> 00:02:52,130
with them in my saab.
65
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,800
It's so weird, Neal doesn't
check out other women.
66
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,135
That is so weird,
and so not true.
67
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:58,730
Okay.
68
00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,182
Love the top.
Hate the jeans.
69
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,518
The jeans are mine.
70
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,186
What happened to the
black miniskirt I gave you?
71
00:03:06,371 --> 00:03:08,640
Oh, I took that back
to the children's department
72
00:03:08,674 --> 00:03:11,476
where it belongs.
73
00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,478
Roxanne,
you're single again, okay?
74
00:03:13,512 --> 00:03:15,480
You need to recalibrate
your thinking.
75
00:03:15,514 --> 00:03:19,241
Like, your Facebook page
is just sad.
76
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,785
The only two pictures
you have on there
77
00:03:20,819 --> 00:03:24,579
are of your niece
and Michelle Obama.
78
00:03:24,745 --> 00:03:27,058
It's true, guys look at
your page and your last update
79
00:03:27,092 --> 00:03:32,330
was "frowny face,
I just paid $3 for gas. "
80
00:03:32,364 --> 00:03:34,999
I only go on Facebook
to play scrabble.
81
00:03:35,034 --> 00:03:39,511
It takes my mind off... My mind.
82
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,072
Trust me, okay?
83
00:03:41,106 --> 00:03:43,974
Facebook is, like, the most
important part of dating.
84
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,845
You need new pictures that show
how funny and smart you are.
85
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,188
So put this on.
86
00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,083
That shirt is like catnip,
87
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:56,888
and the cats are douchebags.
88
00:03:56,922 --> 00:04:00,758
It's good.
89
00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:03,702
You know, I'm not even mad
that Alex checked out that girl,
90
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,745
I'm just annoyed
that he lied to me about it.
91
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,565
If you wear
something like this,
92
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,484
he'll admit to anything.
93
00:04:09,535 --> 00:04:10,785
My mom always says,
94
00:04:10,819 --> 00:04:16,741
"when in need,
show your cleave. "
95
00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:19,160
Is that supposed to rhyme?
96
00:04:19,211 --> 00:04:20,552
Why do you always focus
on the wrong thing?
97
00:04:20,746 --> 00:04:22,580
No, it's just 'cause
your mom's an actual poet,
98
00:04:22,614 --> 00:04:23,614
like, as a career.
99
00:04:23,632 --> 00:04:25,181
Okay. Okay.
100
00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:29,153
So you did check her out,
right?
101
00:04:29,188 --> 00:04:30,812
Of course, yeah.
She was hot.
102
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:33,341
And her cleavage was aggressive,
and she was wearing
103
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,317
those sweatpants
with the words on the butt.
104
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,695
- What words?
- I don't know.
105
00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:40,113
I'll never know.
106
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,967
She sounds awesome, man.
107
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:44,068
Wheels up!
108
00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:46,137
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
109
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,855
I'm trying out
new catchphrases.
110
00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:50,191
Stupid new guy
down at the station said,
111
00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:54,112
"let's do this thing,"
and it really took off.
112
00:04:54,146 --> 00:04:56,880
Yeah, that still
doesn't really explain it.
113
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,332
Well, thank you
for the heads-up.
114
00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,368
Fights tend to bleed
from one girlfriend to another,
115
00:05:00,419 --> 00:05:03,054
so I'm ordering Lily something.
116
00:05:03,088 --> 00:05:05,723
Just putting out
the fire before it starts.
117
00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:09,260
Wheels up, wheels up.
118
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:12,296
- Flowers?
- No, edible arrangement.
119
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:15,500
Lily's got a thing for fruit
that comes in cute shapes.
120
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:17,525
What is she, a gay grandpa?
121
00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:18,970
[Scoffs]
I don't know,
122
00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,772
I thought about telling
Whitney the truth.
123
00:05:20,806 --> 00:05:22,473
You should,
you did nothing wrong.
124
00:05:22,508 --> 00:05:23,741
We're men, we have needs,
125
00:05:23,776 --> 00:05:25,283
we look at boobs.
126
00:05:25,449 --> 00:05:27,395
Deal with it, ladies of America!
127
00:05:27,446 --> 00:05:28,813
Boobs!
128
00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:29,897
No!
129
00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:31,115
Admitting that you looked
at another woman
130
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:32,517
is an open invitation
131
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:35,119
to exploring your girlfriend's
insecurities.
132
00:05:35,154 --> 00:05:37,354
"Was she prettier than me?"
"Is she skinnier than me?"
133
00:05:37,372 --> 00:05:40,625
"Do you think I have man hands?"
134
00:05:40,659 --> 00:05:42,059
Yeah, it's trickier
with Whitney too,
135
00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:43,728
'cause she has three times
the daddy issues
136
00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:45,929
'cause she has
three times the dads.
137
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,640
- Whatever you do, deny.
- Yeah, you're right.
138
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,935
Why is his opinion
always more important than mine?
139
00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:53,004
Uh, because he invests
my money and doesn't yell out
140
00:05:53,038 --> 00:05:55,939
"boobs!" In public.
141
00:05:58,177 --> 00:05:59,150
- Hmm?
- Hey, Whit.
142
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,878
- Hi.
- What are you eating?
143
00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:03,264
It's Lily's edible bouquet.
144
00:06:03,315 --> 00:06:04,565
I don't understand why people
send these things.
145
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,733
Aren't they kind of offensive?
146
00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,992
It's like,
"I'd send you chocolate,
147
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:10,738
but you should probably lose
a couple pounds. "
148
00:06:10,772 --> 00:06:13,999
Yeah, take that,
adorable snack.
149
00:06:18,063 --> 00:06:20,965
[Sighs]
Look, about that girl earlier,
150
00:06:20,999 --> 00:06:23,067
I don't want you to feel like
you have to lie to me
151
00:06:23,085 --> 00:06:25,069
about these kind of things,
so if you just admit
152
00:06:25,103 --> 00:06:27,554
that you checked her out,
I'll just drop this whole thing.
153
00:06:27,739 --> 00:06:29,841
Whit, it's been like five
hours since I've seen you last.
154
00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:33,711
Nothing new has annoyed you yet?
155
00:06:33,745 --> 00:06:36,597
Nothing that knocked you
out of first.
156
00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:38,023
Are we really
still talking about this?
157
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,884
Yeah, I just want you
to be honest with me.
158
00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:42,220
I thought he was putting 2%
159
00:06:42,254 --> 00:06:44,322
in the half-and-half.
160
00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:47,141
Seriously!
You think I am an idiot.
161
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:48,559
No, I don't think
you're being an idiot,
162
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,061
I just think you're taking this
a little bit too far.
163
00:06:50,095 --> 00:06:51,286
No, I just want you to be
honest with me, I-
164
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,948
you know I'm not
a complete moron, I'm not.
165
00:06:53,982 --> 00:06:55,665
- It's really just-
- Shh!
166
00:07:01,473 --> 00:07:03,107
Okay.
167
00:07:03,141 --> 00:07:05,091
You just shushed me.
168
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,644
Great!
169
00:07:06,678 --> 00:07:09,446
I'll "shh. "
170
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:13,099
You're about to be
knee-deep in "shh. "
171
00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:17,020
I can "shh" like nobody else.
172
00:07:17,289 --> 00:07:18,313
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
173
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,141
'Cause you know it means
the exact opposite
174
00:07:20,175 --> 00:07:22,400
of what you're doing right now?
175
00:07:27,699 --> 00:07:28,983
[Scoffs]
Come on, Whit,
176
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:30,909
let's just order in some dinner,
okay?
177
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,660
What do you feel like having?
We can get whatever you want.
178
00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:38,259
Whitney?
179
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:39,584
Whit?
180
00:07:40,028 --> 00:07:41,929
Wah!
181
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,633
Am I actually getting
the silent treatment?
182
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,634
Is that what this is?
183
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,261
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what's happening, huh?
184
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:51,939
All right, well,
I definitely know how this goes.
185
00:07:51,974 --> 00:07:54,559
[Clears throat]
186
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,978
Uh, hey, Whitney,
what do you want for dinner?
187
00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:58,446
[As Whitney]
I don't care Alex, I'm such
188
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,682
an easygoing girlfriend.
189
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,817
Okay, Whit, what about
Chinese food?
190
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,352
[As Whitney]
Well, can we all just agree
191
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:09,023
that there is no such thing
as good Chinese food?
192
00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:11,859
M.S.G.? Seriously?
193
00:08:11,894 --> 00:08:14,796
Like restaurants actually have
to advertise not putting poison
194
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,198
in their food?
195
00:08:17,232 --> 00:08:19,750
Oh yeah, Whit, I forgot,
you have such strong opinions
196
00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,035
about Chinese food.
197
00:08:21,053 --> 00:08:22,537
What about Sushi?
198
00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:27,475
[As Whitney]
Whoa, just wait a gol-darn minute.
199
00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:32,980
Why? So I can overdose on
Mercury and grow another neck?
200
00:08:33,015 --> 00:08:34,682
All right, let's just skip
the whole idea
201
00:08:34,716 --> 00:08:36,651
and go into the bedroom
and have sex.
202
00:08:36,685 --> 00:08:37,985
[As Whitney]
Oh, my gosh, that's such
203
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,604
a good idea, Alex.
204
00:08:39,655 --> 00:08:42,490
[Laughs]
I love having sex with you,
205
00:08:42,524 --> 00:08:46,360
but you make it last so long.
206
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:50,798
Just for once,
can you focus on yourself?
207
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,714
Why aren't pictures
of me in my apartment enough
208
00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:07,882
for my Facebook page?
209
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:10,601
Why do we have
to Photoshop me in Prague?
210
00:09:10,636 --> 00:09:12,770
It's so you look worldly
and Cosmopolitan,
211
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:14,522
and we're not in Prague.
212
00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:18,893
We're in Rome.
213
00:09:18,927 --> 00:09:20,094
My bad.
214
00:09:20,112 --> 00:09:21,595
Yeah.
215
00:09:21,613 --> 00:09:23,614
Neal says he's gonna
take me to Rome someday.
216
00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:26,450
He says the lifestyle
is so relaxed, you know?
217
00:09:26,485 --> 00:09:31,205
People drink wine for breakfast
and children smoke.
218
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,042
[Exhales]
Okay, Roxanne,
219
00:09:35,077 --> 00:09:36,711
give me a look that says,
you know, like,
220
00:09:36,745 --> 00:09:39,113
"I'm fun, date me. "
221
00:09:47,055 --> 00:09:50,324
That look says, "I'm
out of heroin and I'm cold. "
222
00:09:53,845 --> 00:09:54,862
Hey, guys.
223
00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:56,797
- Hi.
- Hey.
224
00:09:56,815 --> 00:09:58,132
Whitney.
225
00:09:58,166 --> 00:09:59,433
Still nothing, huh?
226
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:03,937
This is still, uh,
a thing we're doing, yeah?
227
00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:06,774
All right.
228
00:10:06,808 --> 00:10:08,276
Lily, this was outside for you.
229
00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:11,312
Really?
230
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:13,614
"I thought you ladies might be
thirsty from your photoshoot.
231
00:10:13,649 --> 00:10:16,784
Love, Neal.
P.S. You all look beautiful. "
232
00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:18,686
All: Aww.
233
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:19,720
That is so sweet.
234
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:20,705
I know.
235
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,957
Neal is the best.
236
00:10:22,991 --> 00:10:24,491
He can't even see you.
237
00:10:30,632 --> 00:10:31,799
You know, I would've taken
the trash out
238
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,467
if you'd told me it was full.
239
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,003
You just need
to use your words, babe.
240
00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:37,371
[Laughs]
241
00:10:42,811 --> 00:10:45,146
[Loud knocking]
242
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,782
Tell me who it is
and I'll let you in.
243
00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:57,491
Safety's off.
244
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,093
What is that supposed to mean?
Hello?
245
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:01,762
Eh, it means hello,
goodbye, thank you.
246
00:11:01,797 --> 00:11:05,249
It's, uh, it's my aloha.
247
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,802
Is Whitney out there? I locked
her out of the apartment.
248
00:11:07,836 --> 00:11:08,803
You can probably end
this whole thing
249
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:10,371
by telling her the truth.
250
00:11:10,405 --> 00:11:12,206
But what do I know?
I'm no Neal the wonder kid.
251
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:13,507
I didn't go
to girlfriend college.
252
00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:16,444
I'm not an Indian wizard.
253
00:11:16,478 --> 00:11:17,578
Well, look,
I'm not letting her in
254
00:11:17,612 --> 00:11:19,146
until she starts talking
to me again.
255
00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:20,431
It's done.
256
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:21,849
Game over.
257
00:11:23,568 --> 00:11:28,089
[Heavy breathing]
258
00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:30,725
Hello, Mark.
259
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,656
- Hey, dude.
- Hey, dude.
260
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:42,659
[Depressed]
Hey, Whit, how are you?
261
00:11:42,693 --> 00:11:46,696
Mark, thank you so much
for helping me, Mark.
262
00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:48,898
You still not talking to me?
Really?
263
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,450
You know I kind of miss
your voice.
264
00:11:50,484 --> 00:11:51,751
Not really the volume of it,
265
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:55,538
but more
the sentiment behind it.
266
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:58,741
Dude, are you okay?
267
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,471
I am awesome!
268
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,513
At first I thought that this
whole silent treatment thing
269
00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:05,515
was kind of a bummer,
but now I'm realizing
270
00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,717
it's kinda great.
271
00:12:07,751 --> 00:12:09,619
I ate a pop-tart.
272
00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:13,890
The wrapper,
I just threw it on the floor.
273
00:12:13,924 --> 00:12:15,275
And I was able to finish
274
00:12:15,309 --> 00:12:16,993
the whole first season
of Dexter, and guess what.
275
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,195
I didn't have to explain
anything to anybody.
276
00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:21,532
That is beautiful.
277
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:22,765
Hey, did you know
that baseball games
278
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:26,002
have commentators?
279
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,453
You're a genius.
280
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:31,207
When life gives you lemons,
you tell the lemons to "shh. "
281
00:12:34,995 --> 00:12:35,979
Whoops.
282
00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:39,382
[Consoling]
Okay. I'm sorry.
283
00:12:47,758 --> 00:12:49,342
These photos are great.
284
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,343
I look good in Rome.
285
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,561
I think it's all the walking.
286
00:12:51,595 --> 00:12:54,180
Yeah.
287
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,015
Yeah, you look great,
but it's just you
288
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,267
in all these pictures.
289
00:12:57,301 --> 00:13:01,237
It looks a little
Eat. Pray. Lonely.
290
00:13:01,272 --> 00:13:02,698
You need to look popular.
291
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,507
- I am popular.
- No.
292
00:13:04,542 --> 00:13:05,825
Being popular doesn't
count anymore unless
293
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:08,663
you have the pictures
to prove it.
294
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,363
I know.
295
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:12,415
We'll have drinks tonight,
I'll invite some people,
296
00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:13,750
we'll post the photos.
297
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:17,486
I'm gonna call Neal, see
if he can bring some ethnicity.
298
00:13:17,504 --> 00:13:19,339
White people
aren't cool anymore.
299
00:13:20,891 --> 00:13:22,375
- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
300
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:24,060
Sorry I'm late, I had to have
Mark help me move some stuff
301
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,329
'cause I'm still giving Alex
the silent treatment.
302
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:29,058
You should see him,
he is such a mess.
303
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:30,516
And I know
I should feel bad about it,
304
00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:31,667
and a small part of me does,
305
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:35,054
but it's just such a small part.
306
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,273
Nice.
Tell me, how is he such a mess?
307
00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:39,675
Oh, he's got
pop-tart wrappers everywhere,
308
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,177
he's lounging around
in his sweats,
309
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,229
staring at the tv all day.
310
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,681
I think he's gonna
come clean soon.
311
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:47,116
- Or is he?
- Yeah.
312
00:13:47,151 --> 00:13:49,402
'Cause isn't all that stuff
313
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,070
the stuff that guys love?
314
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,655
He's miserable, okay?
315
00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:53,990
He's-he's lying around.
316
00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:55,758
He was so bored
that he read a book,
317
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,260
and he's watching tv all day,
318
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:58,861
and-oh, my God,
319
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:02,215
that little bitch.
320
00:14:02,249 --> 00:14:03,249
[Sighs]
321
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,667
Hey, Neal thinks he can get us
322
00:14:04,702 --> 00:14:07,036
two Koreans and an Egyptian.
323
00:14:09,206 --> 00:14:14,744
[Laughter inside]
324
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:20,783
[Door opening]
325
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:23,920
[Depressed] Hey, Whit.
326
00:14:23,954 --> 00:14:25,922
Hi, honey.
327
00:14:25,956 --> 00:14:27,890
- You're talking to me now?
- Oh, yes, I am.
328
00:14:27,925 --> 00:14:31,611
And I have more
to say than ever.
329
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,896
You know, I was doing such
a childish thing
330
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,415
giving you the silent treatment,
331
00:14:35,449 --> 00:14:37,233
waiting for you to admit
to checking out that girl,
332
00:14:37,268 --> 00:14:38,334
but of course you didn't,
333
00:14:38,369 --> 00:14:40,236
or you would have
admitted it, right?
334
00:14:40,271 --> 00:14:42,372
- Right.
- Right.
335
00:14:42,406 --> 00:14:43,873
In that case, I want to catch up
336
00:14:43,907 --> 00:14:45,341
on everything
that's been happening.
337
00:14:45,376 --> 00:14:46,843
First, I had
this dream last night,
338
00:14:46,877 --> 00:14:48,511
and we were in this apartment,
and it wasn't our apartment,
339
00:14:48,545 --> 00:14:50,046
but it looked exactly
like our apartment,
340
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,714
and there were lamps everywhere.
341
00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:53,316
And then, I read my horoscope,
342
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,101
and it said that I would be
on a windy road,
343
00:14:55,135 --> 00:14:56,395
and that everything would be
illuminated.
344
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,721
And it also said
that my power color is blue,
345
00:14:58,756 --> 00:15:00,139
so let's go to my closet
and talk about
346
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,158
my prettiest blue things.
347
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,264
Hmm, this is more
of a royal blue
348
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,565
and this is more
of a cornflower.
349
00:15:09,599 --> 00:15:10,767
Wait, is this room
the right color?
350
00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:12,285
I feel like we should talk
about repainting.
351
00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:14,337
I know, we should sit down,
352
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,156
and we should go through
magazines page by page
353
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,574
and talk about inspiration
354
00:15:18,608 --> 00:15:20,043
for redecorating
for, I don't know,
355
00:15:20,077 --> 00:15:22,812
like, four or five hours?
356
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:23,813
Thoughts?
357
00:15:23,847 --> 00:15:25,214
I didn't check her out.
358
00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:27,216
Oh, I know you didn't.
359
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:29,002
You know what's
a really good color? Periwinkle.
360
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,020
That would be perfect in here.
361
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,388
I once had a periwinkle tanktop,
362
00:15:32,423 --> 00:15:33,890
but I left it a guy's house
named Chad,
363
00:15:33,924 --> 00:15:35,224
who I met at a y2k party.
364
00:15:35,259 --> 00:15:37,093
You know what?
It was not a y2k party.
365
00:15:37,127 --> 00:15:39,262
It was flag day,
I remember now,
366
00:15:39,296 --> 00:15:40,496
'cause we were having...
367
00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:46,853
His name was not Chet.
368
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,037
No, no.
369
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,407
I am getting all
of my ex-boyfriends confused.
370
00:15:51,442 --> 00:15:52,775
I think I need to list
371
00:15:52,809 --> 00:15:54,677
all of my ex-boyfriends
alphabetically,
372
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:56,713
'cause I keep
getting them confused.
373
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,164
What comes first,
Aron with one "a"
374
00:15:58,198 --> 00:15:59,332
or Aaron with two "a"s?
375
00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:00,960
[Tortured]
I didn't check her out.
376
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,169
Oh, of course you didn't.
377
00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:04,954
You know what's weird?
The Aron with one "a"
378
00:16:04,988 --> 00:16:07,957
was in a. A.,
'cause he was an alcoholic.
379
00:16:07,991 --> 00:16:09,092
So weird.
380
00:16:09,126 --> 00:16:10,460
Anyway, Aron, Aaron, Brian-
381
00:16:10,494 --> 00:16:12,462
but I didn't call him that,
I called him peanut-
382
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,530
um...
383
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,851
Hey, Roxanne,
go stand with those hot guys
384
00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:22,605
and pretend like
they said something funny.
385
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,341
[Camera clicks]
386
00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:27,778
Good, now pretend like
you like his fedora.
387
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,065
I can't do that.
388
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,033
And that's why I feel like
I learned everything
389
00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:37,370
I know about being a woman
from Mr. belvedere, you know?
390
00:16:37,404 --> 00:16:39,155
I mean, I used to write
about him in my journal
391
00:16:39,189 --> 00:16:40,189
every day after school.
392
00:16:40,224 --> 00:16:41,190
You know what?
I have low blood sugar,
393
00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:42,375
we should probably
order some food,
394
00:16:42,409 --> 00:16:43,659
or maybe I'll just get
some wine-
395
00:16:43,694 --> 00:16:45,528
I'll get it.
396
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,862
[Sighs]
397
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,297
You guys, I think I need
to tell Whitney the truth.
398
00:16:48,332 --> 00:16:49,832
All right,
if she doesn't stop talking,
399
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,501
I'm gonna suffocate myself
400
00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:53,586
with her dead body.
401
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,871
You sure you don't want
to run that by the, uh,
402
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,074
relationship president?
403
00:16:58,108 --> 00:16:59,208
Please end this.
404
00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,645
I am running out
of things to get Lily.
405
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,913
I mean, I bought her a star.
406
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:08,067
Oh, hey, my buddies are here.
407
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,068
No...
408
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,820
They brought stupid new guy.
409
00:17:10,987 --> 00:17:12,355
Yo, Mark,
410
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:14,890
let's do this thing.
411
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,943
How 'bout let's not
do this thing?
412
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:20,096
[Laughter]
413
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,831
Yeah. Let's uh,
414
00:17:21,865 --> 00:17:24,066
let's not do this thing.
415
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,401
[Laughter]
416
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,672
- Good one.
- Yeah!
417
00:17:29,706 --> 00:17:31,509
[Sighs]
I can't do this anymore.
418
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,743
I just talked about Capri pants
for 45 minutes.
419
00:17:33,777 --> 00:17:36,546
I feel like
I'm hosting the view.
420
00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:38,581
All right, well, you only have
one card left to play.
421
00:17:38,615 --> 00:17:40,216
It's time to go nuclear.
422
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,218
Full female assault.
423
00:17:42,252 --> 00:17:43,553
[Sobbing]
I don't know, I just,
424
00:17:43,587 --> 00:17:44,720
I really don't feel like
425
00:17:44,755 --> 00:17:46,522
you think I'm pretty.
426
00:17:46,557 --> 00:17:47,723
And, and, just-
427
00:17:47,758 --> 00:17:49,725
I know I'm kind of emotional
right now,
428
00:17:49,759 --> 00:17:51,260
but I just got my period
429
00:17:51,295 --> 00:17:53,529
and it's just kind of
a weird one.
430
00:17:53,564 --> 00:17:55,898
Uh! Okay.
431
00:17:55,932 --> 00:17:57,783
Uh, God, okay!
432
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,986
Whit, fine, I checked her out.
433
00:18:00,161 --> 00:18:02,038
[Shouts]
I knew you did!
434
00:18:02,072 --> 00:18:03,239
Yeah, I did, all right?
435
00:18:03,273 --> 00:18:04,273
- You happy? Okay?
- Yeah.
436
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,541
Because I'm a man,
437
00:18:05,576 --> 00:18:06,709
and this is what men do.
438
00:18:06,743 --> 00:18:07,977
I- I-it's not even my fault,
all right?
439
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:10,163
When a man sees
an attractive woman, he notices.
440
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,330
You really wanna know?
441
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,715
You want me to tell you
every time it happens?
442
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,283
I just want you
to be honest with me.
443
00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:15,951
Okay, cool.
Well, guess what.
444
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,820
There's four hot chicks
in this bar right now.
445
00:18:17,855 --> 00:18:19,305
Red dress over there by the bar,
446
00:18:19,339 --> 00:18:20,623
her friend yellow skirt,
447
00:18:20,657 --> 00:18:21,691
pink stripes getting food,
448
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,009
a- and Roxanne,
449
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,511
who I clocked before
I realized it was her.
450
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,230
Aww!
451
00:18:27,264 --> 00:18:28,648
Thank you.
452
00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:30,733
They weren't nice thoughts,
at all.
453
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:36,240
Great.
454
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:38,157
I'm gonna go get a beer.
455
00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:39,642
Yellow skirt? Really?
456
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,244
See! You don't really
wanna know the truth.
457
00:18:41,278 --> 00:18:42,361
Of course I don't!
458
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,706
'Cause women
are not animals, okay?
459
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:45,147
We don't run around
gawking at dudes like,
460
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,150
"oh, hey, Roxanne,
check out the bulge on that guy.
461
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,553
I wanna tear that up. "
462
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,375
No, you just pretend like
463
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,895
you don't like Ryan gosling
because he's hot.
464
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,379
You say it's because
he-he rescues dogs
465
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,131
and he hates being famous.
466
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,166
That's what
he told Jimmy fallon.
467
00:19:04,201 --> 00:19:06,836
And I'm sorry that
I'm so shallow for liking a man
468
00:19:06,870 --> 00:19:08,304
for his mind.
469
00:19:08,338 --> 00:19:11,140
Oh, really?
So it's okay if I just...
470
00:19:11,174 --> 00:19:12,525
Let all this go?
471
00:19:12,559 --> 00:19:13,709
[Snickers]
472
00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:18,197
'Cause you haven't already?
473
00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:21,784
Look, I'm sorry.
474
00:19:21,818 --> 00:19:23,185
Okay?
475
00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:24,954
I handled all this
really stupidly
476
00:19:24,988 --> 00:19:27,356
because I didn't want you
to take it as a sign
477
00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:29,692
that something was wrong with
our relationship, all right?
478
00:19:29,726 --> 00:19:31,427
I know your dad cheated
on your mom
479
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,412
and your mom cheated
on your stepdad-
480
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:34,863
no, my dad cheated on my mom
481
00:19:34,881 --> 00:19:36,048
and my stepmom cheated
on my dad.
482
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,567
Right. Everybody kinda
cheated on everybody,
483
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:39,218
I'm just saying.
484
00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:40,970
The point is,
485
00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:43,773
is that we're not them.
486
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,241
Okay?
487
00:19:45,275 --> 00:19:47,019
Okay.
488
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,713
Come here.
489
00:19:50,747 --> 00:19:52,048
I'm so glad they made up.
490
00:19:52,082 --> 00:19:53,382
I feel like whenever they fight
491
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,569
it kind of affects us.
492
00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:57,820
Neal.
493
00:19:57,854 --> 00:19:58,921
What?
494
00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:01,190
Just people-watching.
495
00:20:01,224 --> 00:20:02,959
Want to go to Rome?
496
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,360
[Giggles]
Yes!
497
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:12,795
That dude just checked you out.
498
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,845
- Who?
- Blue shirt.
499
00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:17,514
Oh, the fighter pilot?
500
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:18,815
How do you know
he's a fighter pilot?
501
00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:20,183
Oh, I just thought that
when I saw him.
502
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,285
I also imagine that
he has good credit,
503
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,473
no cavities, and builds houses
for poor people.
504
00:20:26,507 --> 00:20:27,491
Oh, what?
505
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:29,676
Are we done being honest?
506
00:20:29,727 --> 00:20:30,727
Oh, what?
507
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:32,812
Ah, am I getting
the silent treatment?
508
00:20:32,847 --> 00:20:35,565
It's okay,
I know how this goes.
509
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,566
[As alex]
Oh, look at me!
510
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:37,767
[Laughing]
Yes!
511
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,069
Oh, I'm Alex, look at me
and my beard.
512
00:20:39,103 --> 00:20:40,937
- I think-
- You're a jerk.
513
00:20:40,971 --> 00:20:42,239
That's a terrible impression.
514
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,158
Duh, I think I'm
in a '90s grunge band.
515
00:20:45,193 --> 00:20:46,510
Look at me, I'm Alex.
516
00:20:46,544 --> 00:20:49,196
My eyebrow moves
all over my face.
517
00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:50,280
Look at me...
518
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:53,627
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com