1
00:00:00,124 --> 00:00:02,002
Alex, I got to level 35!
2
00:00:02,823 --> 00:00:04,129
There is no Alex.
3
00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:07,758
Hi, I am Hans, your favorite
foreign exchange student.
4
00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:12,715
Well, hello, Hans,
it's been a while.
5
00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:16,469
We've missed you
at our high school.
6
00:00:16,503 --> 00:00:18,304
Yes, how has
the cheerleading been going?
7
00:00:18,339 --> 00:00:20,106
Have you been telling
the football team
8
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:22,442
to play defense
und be aggressive--
9
00:00:22,476 --> 00:00:24,608
be, be, be aggressive?
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,614
Well, uh, I was actually
made the captain
11
00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:30,516
of the cheerleading team
after Sally had a baby
12
00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:33,786
in the bathroom.
13
00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:36,370
Uh, how were your travels?
14
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,664
Oh, they were magnificent
and comprehensive.
15
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:42,045
I have circled the globe
to try and find someone
16
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:43,195
as beautiful as you,
17
00:00:43,213 --> 00:00:46,399
und I have failed.
18
00:00:46,433 --> 00:00:50,837
Oh, well, maybe
we should go do it
19
00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:54,721
on the guschtenflauden.
20
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:57,477
Oh! What the heck
is a guschtenflauden?
21
00:00:57,511 --> 00:00:59,062
You're silly.
22
00:00:59,096 --> 00:01:00,680
It's a German word for table.
23
00:01:00,714 --> 00:01:01,812
- Oh.
- Yeah, I know German.
24
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,883
Shh...
Yeah.
25
00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:07,484
Oh, somebody needs more
tutoring, it seems like.
26
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,921
- Oh, yeah.
- Come with me over to
27
00:01:08,956 --> 00:01:12,447
- the guschtenflauden.
- Okay.
28
00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:15,795
Whitney is taped in front of
a live studio audience.
29
00:01:15,829 --> 00:01:17,411
You heard me.
30
00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,233
Maybe I'll get a smoothie, or
maybe I'll get a super smoothie.
31
00:01:21,251 --> 00:01:23,619
I feel like my body
probably needs all that crap.
32
00:01:23,671 --> 00:01:26,622
Yeah, but what is
the "ah-sa-yee" berry?
33
00:01:26,674 --> 00:01:28,207
What is that?
Is that gonna stick around?
34
00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:30,126
'Cause I feel like
I got into Goji berry
35
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:32,912
and then it just,
you know, went away--
36
00:01:35,716 --> 00:01:38,618
wow.
37
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:40,153
What?
38
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:44,607
You totally checked her out.
39
00:01:44,641 --> 00:01:47,110
- Who?
- Who?
40
00:01:47,144 --> 00:01:50,110
Spongeboob sweatpants.
41
00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:58,021
I-I didn't see who you're
talking about.
44
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:03,643
and while I was sharing
my feelings with you.
45
00:02:03,677 --> 00:02:06,312
That's--that's pretty rude.
46
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:08,795
I didn't ogle anyone, Whit.
47
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:09,880
Alex.
48
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,470
I was looking to see if he was
refilling that half-and-half.
49
00:02:17,174 --> 00:02:18,707
No, you weren't.
50
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:20,348
Just admit
that you checked her out.
51
00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:21,894
No, I don't even know
who you're talking about.
52
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:22,851
Honestly.
53
00:02:23,147 --> 00:02:24,728
So you're sticking
with that story?
54
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,723
- I'm sticking with the truth.
- Okay, okay.
55
00:02:27,741 --> 00:02:29,654
Hi. I'll have a vanilla latte, two pumps.
57
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:40,160
Why is he lying about it?
I know what I saw.
58
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,655
He doesn't even use half and half.
59
00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:45,533
He's like a girl with his 2%.
60
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,652
Well, it's better than
my ex-husband's move
61
00:02:47,686 --> 00:02:49,320
of checking out hot chicks
and then having intercourse
62
00:02:49,355 --> 00:02:52,130
with them in my saab.
63
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,800
It's so weird, Neal doesn't
check out other women.
64
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,135
That is so weird,
and so not true.
65
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:58,730
Okay.
66
00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,182
Love the top.
Hate the jeans.
67
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,518
The jeans are mine.
68
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,186
What happened to the
black miniskirt I gave you?
69
00:03:06,371 --> 00:03:08,640
Oh, I took that back
to the children's department
70
00:03:08,674 --> 00:03:11,476
where it belongs.
71
00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,478
Roxanne,
you're single again, okay?
72
00:03:13,512 --> 00:03:15,480
You need to recalibrate
your thinking.
73
00:03:15,514 --> 00:03:19,241
Like, your Facebook page
is just sad.
74
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,785
The only two pictures
you have on there
75
00:03:20,819 --> 00:03:24,579
are of your niece
and Michelle Obama.
76
00:03:24,745 --> 00:03:27,058
It's true, guys look at
your page and your last update
77
00:03:27,092 --> 00:03:32,330
was "frowny face,
I just paid $3 for gas."
78
00:03:32,364 --> 00:03:34,999
I only go on Facebook
to play scrabble.
79
00:03:35,034 --> 00:03:39,511
It takes my mind off...My mind.
80
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,072
Trust me, okay?
81
00:03:41,106 --> 00:03:43,974
Facebook is, like, the most
important part of dating.
82
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,845
You need new pictures that show
how funny and smart you are.
83
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,188
So put this on.
84
00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,083
That shirt is like catnip,
85
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:56,888
and the cats are douchebags.
86
00:03:56,922 --> 00:04:00,758
It's good.
87
00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:03,702
You know, I'm not even mad
that Alex checked out that girl,
88
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,745
I'm just annoyed
that he lied to me about it.
89
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,565
If you wear
something like this,
90
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,484
he'll admit to anything.
91
00:04:09,535 --> 00:04:10,785
My mom always says,
92
00:04:10,819 --> 00:04:16,741
"when in need,
show your cleave."
93
00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:19,160
Is that supposed to rhyme?
94
00:04:19,211 --> 00:04:20,552
Why do you always focus
on the wrong thing?
95
00:04:20,746 --> 00:04:22,580
No, it's just 'cause
your mom's an actual poet,
96
00:04:22,614 --> 00:04:23,614
like, as a career.
97
00:04:23,632 --> 00:04:25,181
Okay. Okay.
98
00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:29,153
So you did check her out,
right?
99
00:04:29,188 --> 00:04:30,812
Of course, yeah.
She was hot.
100
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:33,341
And her cleavage was aggressive,
and she was wearing
101
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,317
those sweatpants
with the words on the butt.
102
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,695
- What words?
- I don't know.
103
00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:40,113
I'll never know.
104
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,967
She sounds awesome, man.
105
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:44,068
Wheels up!
106
00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:46,137
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
107
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,855
I'm trying out
new catchphrases.
108
00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:50,191
Stupid new guy
down at the station said,
109
00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:54,112
"let's do this thing,"
and it really took off.
110
00:04:54,146 --> 00:04:56,880
Yeah, that still
doesn't really explain it.
111
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,332
Well, thank you
for the heads-up.
112
00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,368
Fights tend to bleed
from one girlfriend to another,
113
00:05:00,419 --> 00:05:03,054
so I'm ordering Lily something.
114
00:05:03,088 --> 00:05:05,723
Just putting out
the fire before it starts.
115
00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:09,260
Wheels up, wheels up.
116
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:12,296
- Flowers?
- No, edible arrangement.
117
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:15,500
Lily's got a thing for fruit
that comes in cute shapes.
118
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:17,525
What is she, a gay grandpa?
119
00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:18,970
I don't know,
120
00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,772
I thought about telling
Whitney the truth.
121
00:05:20,806 --> 00:05:22,473
You should,
you did nothing wrong.
122
00:05:22,508 --> 00:05:23,741
We're men, we have needs,
123
00:05:23,776 --> 00:05:25,283
we look at boobs.
124
00:05:25,449 --> 00:05:27,395
Deal with it, ladies of America!
125
00:05:27,446 --> 00:05:28,813
Boobs!
126
00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:29,897
No!
127
00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:31,115
Admitting that you looked
at another woman
128
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:32,517
is an open invitation
129
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:35,119
to exploring your girlfriend's
insecurities.
130
00:05:35,154 --> 00:05:37,354
"Was she prettier than me?"
"Is she skinnier than me?"
131
00:05:37,372 --> 00:05:40,625
"Do you think I have man hands?"
132
00:05:40,659 --> 00:05:42,059
Yeah, it's trickier
with Whitney too,
133
00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:43,728
'cause she has three times
the daddy issues
134
00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:45,929
'cause she has
three times the dads.
135
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,640
- Whatever you do, deny.
- Yeah, you're right.
136
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,935
Why is his opinion
always more important than mine?
137
00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:53,004
Uh, because he invests
my money and doesn't yell out
138
00:05:53,038 --> 00:05:55,939
"boobs!" In public.
139
00:05:58,177 --> 00:05:59,150
- Hmm?
- Hey, Whit.
140
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,878
- Hi.
- What are you eating?
141
00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:03,264
It's Lily's edible bouquet.
142
00:06:03,315 --> 00:06:04,565
I don't understand why people
send these things.
143
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,733
Aren't they kind of offensive?
144
00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,992
It's like,
"I'd send you chocolate,
145
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:10,738
but you should probably lose
a couple pounds."
146
00:06:10,772 --> 00:06:13,999
Yeah, take that,
adorable snack.
147
00:06:18,063 --> 00:06:20,965
Look, about that girl earlier,
148
00:06:20,999 --> 00:06:23,067
I don't want you to feel like
you have to lie to me
149
00:06:23,085 --> 00:06:25,069
about these kind of things,
so if you just admit
150
00:06:25,103 --> 00:06:27,554
that you checked her out,
I'll just drop this whole thing.
151
00:06:27,739 --> 00:06:29,841
Whit, it's been like five
hours since I've seen you last.
152
00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:33,711
Nothing new has annoyed you yet?
153
00:06:33,745 --> 00:06:36,597
Nothing that knocked you
out of first.
154
00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:38,023
Are we really
still talking about this?
155
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,884
Yeah, I just want you
to be honest with me.
156
00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:42,220
I thought he was putting 2%
157
00:06:42,254 --> 00:06:44,322
in the half-and-half.
158
00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:47,141
Seriously!
You think I am an idiot.
159
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:48,559
No, I don't think
you're being an idiot,
160
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,061
I just think you're taking this
a little bit too far.
161
00:06:50,095 --> 00:06:51,286
No, I just want you to be
honest with me, I--
162
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,948
you know I'm not
a complete moron, I'm not.
163
00:06:53,982 --> 00:06:55,665
- It's really just--
- Shh!
164
00:07:01,473 --> 00:07:03,107
Okay.
165
00:07:03,141 --> 00:07:05,091
You just shushed me.
166
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,644
Great!
167
00:07:06,678 --> 00:07:09,446
I'll "shh."
168
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:13,099
You're about to be
knee-deep in "shh."
169
00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:17,020
I can "shh" like nobody else.
170
00:07:17,289 --> 00:07:18,313
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
171
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,141
'Cause you know it means
the exact opposite
172
00:07:20,175 --> 00:07:22,400
of what you're doing right now?
173
00:07:27,699 --> 00:07:28,983
Come on, Whit,
174
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:30,909
let's just order in some dinner,
okay?
175
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,660
What do you feel like having?
We can get whatever you want.
176
00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:38,259
Whitney?
177
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:39,584
Whit?
178
00:07:40,028 --> 00:07:41,929
Wah!
179
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,633
Am I actually getting
the silent treatment?
180
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,634
Is that what this is?
181
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,261
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what's happening, huh?
182
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:51,939
All right, well,
I definitely know how this goes.
183
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,978
Uh, hey, Whitney,
what do you want for dinner?
184
00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:58,446
I don't care Alex, I'm such
185
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,682
an easygoing girlfriend.
186
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,817
Okay, Whit, what about
Chinese food?
187
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,352
Well, can we all just agree
188
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:09,023
that there is no such thing
as good Chinese food?
189
00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:11,859
M.S.G.? Seriously?
190
00:08:11,894 --> 00:08:14,796
Like restaurants actually have
to advertise not putting poison
191
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,198
in their food?
192
00:08:17,232 --> 00:08:19,750
Oh yeah, Whit, I forgot,
you have such strong opinions
193
00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,035
about Chinese food.
194
00:08:21,053 --> 00:08:22,537
What about Sushi?
195
00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:27,475
Whoa, just wait a gol-darn minute.
196
00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:32,980
Why? So I can overdose on
Mercury and grow another neck?
197
00:08:33,015 --> 00:08:34,682
All right, let's just skip
the whole idea
198
00:08:34,716 --> 00:08:36,651
and go into the bedroom
and have sex.
199
00:08:36,685 --> 00:08:37,985
Oh, my gosh, that's such
200
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,604
a good idea, Alex.
201
00:08:39,655 --> 00:08:42,490
I love having sex with you,
202
00:08:42,524 --> 00:08:46,360
but you make it last so long.
203
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:50,798
Just for once,
can you focus on yourself?
204
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,714
Why aren't pictures
of me in my apartment enough
205
00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:07,882
for my Facebook page?
206
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:10,601
Why do we have
to Photoshop me in Prague?
207
00:09:10,636 --> 00:09:12,770
It's so you look worldly
and Cosmopolitan,
208
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:14,522
and we're not in Prague.
209
00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:18,893
We're in Rome.
210
00:09:18,927 --> 00:09:20,094
My bad.
211
00:09:20,112 --> 00:09:21,595
Yeah.
212
00:09:21,613 --> 00:09:23,614
Neal says he's gonna
take me to Rome someday.
213
00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:26,450
He says the lifestyle
is so relaxed, you know?
214
00:09:26,485 --> 00:09:31,205
People drink wine for breakfast
and children smoke.
215
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,042
Okay, Roxanne,
216
00:09:35,077 --> 00:09:36,711
give me a look that says,
you know, like,
217
00:09:36,745 --> 00:09:39,113
"I'm fun, date me."
218
00:09:47,055 --> 00:09:50,324
That look says, "I'm
out of heroin and I'm cold."
219
00:09:53,845 --> 00:09:54,862
Hey, guys.
220
00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:56,797
- Hi.
- Hey.
221
00:09:56,815 --> 00:09:58,132
Whitney.
222
00:09:58,166 --> 00:09:59,433
Still nothing, huh?
223
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:03,937
This is still, uh,
a thing we're doing, yeah?
224
00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:06,774
All right.
225
00:10:06,808 --> 00:10:08,276
Lily, this was outside for you.
226
00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:11,312
Really?
227
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:13,614
"I thought you ladies might be
thirsty from your photoshoot.
228
00:10:13,649 --> 00:10:16,784
Love, Neal.
P.S. You all look beautiful."
229
00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:18,686
Aww.
230
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:19,720
That is so sweet.
231
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:20,705
I know.
232
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,957
Neal is the best.
233
00:10:22,991 --> 00:10:24,491
He can't even see you.
234
00:10:30,632 --> 00:10:31,799
You know, I would've taken
the trash out
235
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,467
if you'd told me it was full.
236
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,003
You just need
to use your words, babe.
237
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,782
Tell me who it is
and I'll let you in.
238
00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:57,491
Safety's off.
239
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,093
What is that supposed to mean?
Hello?
240
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:01,762
Eh, it means hello,
goodbye, thank you.
241
00:11:01,797 --> 00:11:05,249
It's, uh, it's my aloha.
242
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,802
Is Whitney out there? I locked
her out of the apartment.
243
00:11:07,836 --> 00:11:08,803
You can probably end
this whole thing
244
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:10,371
by telling her the truth.
245
00:11:10,405 --> 00:11:12,206
But what do I know?
I'm no Neal the wonder kid.
246
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:13,507
I didn't go
to girlfriend college.
247
00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:16,444
I'm not an Indian wizard.
248
00:11:16,478 --> 00:11:17,578
Well, look,
I'm not letting her in
249
00:11:17,612 --> 00:11:19,146
until she starts talking
to me again.
250
00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:20,431
It's done.
251
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:21,849
Game over.
252
00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:30,725
Hello, mark.
253
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,656
- Hey, dude.
- Hey, dude.
254
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:42,659
Hey, Whit, how are you?
255
00:11:42,693 --> 00:11:46,696
Mark, thank you so much
for helping me, mark.
256
00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:48,898
You still not talking to me?
Really?
257
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,450
You know I kind of miss
your voice.
258
00:11:50,484 --> 00:11:51,751
Not really the volume of it,
259
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:55,538
but more
the sentiment behind it.
260
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:58,741
Dude, are you okay?
261
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,471
I am awesome!
262
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,513
At first I thought that this
whole silent treatment thing
263
00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:05,515
was kind of a bummer,
but now I'm realizing
264
00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,717
it's kinda great.
265
00:12:07,751 --> 00:12:09,619
I ate a pop-tart.
266
00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:13,890
The wrapper,
I just threw it on the floor.
267
00:12:13,924 --> 00:12:15,275
And I was able to finish
268
00:12:15,309 --> 00:12:16,993
the whole first season
of Dexter, and guess what.
269
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,195
I didn't have to explain
anything to anybody.
270
00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:21,532
That is beautiful.
271
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:22,765
Hey, did you know
that baseball games
272
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:26,002
have commentators?
273
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,453
You're a genius.
274
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:31,207
When life gives you lemons,
you tell the lemons to "shh."
275
00:12:34,995 --> 00:12:35,979
Whoops.
276
00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:39,382
Okay. I'm sorry.
277
00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,642
These photos are great.
278
00:12:49,693 --> 00:12:50,643
I look good in Rome.
279
00:12:50,694 --> 00:12:51,861
I think it's all the walking.
280
00:12:51,895 --> 00:12:54,480
Yeah.
281
00:12:54,531 --> 00:12:56,315
Yeah, you look great,
but it's just you
282
00:12:56,366 --> 00:12:57,567
in all these pictures.
283
00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:01,537
It looks a little
eat. Pray. Lonely.
284
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,998
You need to look popular.
285
00:13:03,207 --> 00:13:04,807
- I am popular.
- No.
286
00:13:04,842 --> 00:13:06,125
Being popular doesn't
count anymore unless
287
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,963
you have the pictures
to prove it.
288
00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:10,663
I know.
289
00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:12,715
We'll have drinks tonight,
I'll invite some people,
290
00:13:12,749 --> 00:13:14,050
we'll post the photos.
291
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:17,786
I'm gonna call Neal, see
if he can bring some ethnicity.
292
00:13:17,804 --> 00:13:19,639
White people
aren't cool anymore.
293
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:22,675
- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
294
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:24,360
Sorry I'm late, I had to have
mark help me move some stuff
295
00:13:24,394 --> 00:13:26,629
'cause I'm still giving Alex
the silent treatment.
296
00:13:26,647 --> 00:13:29,358
You should see him,
he is such a mess.
297
00:13:29,524 --> 00:13:30,816
And I know
I should feel bad about it,
298
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,967
and a small part of me does,
299
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:35,354
but it's just such a small part.
300
00:13:35,405 --> 00:13:37,573
Nice.
Tell me, how is he such a mess?
301
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,975
Oh, he's got
pop-tart wrappers everywhere,
302
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:41,477
he's lounging around
in his sweats,
303
00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:43,529
staring at the tv all day.
304
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,981
I think he's gonna
come clean soon.
305
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,416
- Or is he?
- Yeah.
306
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,702
'Cause isn't all that stuff
307
00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:51,370
the stuff that guys love?
308
00:13:51,421 --> 00:13:52,955
He's miserable, okay?
309
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:54,290
He's--he's lying around.
310
00:13:54,324 --> 00:13:56,058
He was so bored
that he read a book,
311
00:13:56,093 --> 00:13:57,560
and he's watching tv all day,
312
00:13:57,594 --> 00:13:59,161
and--oh, my God,
313
00:13:59,179 --> 00:14:02,515
that little bitch.
314
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:04,967
Hey, Neal thinks he can get us
315
00:14:05,002 --> 00:14:07,336
two Koreans and an Egyptian.
316
00:14:21,118 --> 00:14:24,220
Hey, Whit.
317
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,222
Hi, honey.
318
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,190
- You're talking to me now?
- Oh, yes, I am.
319
00:14:28,225 --> 00:14:31,911
And I have more
to say than ever.
320
00:14:31,962 --> 00:14:34,196
You know, I was doing such
a childish thing
321
00:14:34,214 --> 00:14:35,715
giving you the silent treatment,
322
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,533
waiting for you to admit
to checking out that girl,
323
00:14:37,568 --> 00:14:38,634
but of course you didn't,
324
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,536
or you would have
admitted it, right?
325
00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:42,672
- Right.
- Right.
326
00:14:42,706 --> 00:14:44,173
In that case, I want to catch up
327
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:45,641
on everything
that's been happening.
328
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,143
First, I had
this dream last night,
329
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,811
and we were in this apartment,
and it wasn't our apartment,
330
00:14:48,845 --> 00:14:50,346
but it looked exactly
like our apartment,
331
00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:52,014
and there were lamps everywhere.
332
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:53,616
And then, I read my horoscope,
333
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:55,401
and it said that I would be
on a windy road,
334
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:56,695
and that everything would be
illuminated.
335
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:59,021
And it also said
that my power color is blue,
336
00:14:59,056 --> 00:15:00,439
so let's go to my closet
and talk about
337
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,458
my prettiest blue things.
338
00:15:07,164 --> 00:15:08,564
Hmm, this is more
of a royal blue
339
00:15:08,582 --> 00:15:09,865
and this is more
of a cornflower.
340
00:15:09,899 --> 00:15:11,067
Wait, is this room
the right color?
341
00:15:11,101 --> 00:15:12,585
I feel like we should talk
about repainting.
342
00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:14,637
I know, we should sit down,
343
00:15:14,671 --> 00:15:17,456
and we should go through
magazines page by page
344
00:15:17,507 --> 00:15:18,874
and talk about inspiration
345
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:20,343
for redecorating
for, I don't know,
346
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:23,112
like, four or five hours?
347
00:15:23,146 --> 00:15:24,113
Thoughts?
348
00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:25,514
I didn't check her out.
349
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,516
Oh, I know you didn't.
350
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,302
You know what's
a really good color? Periwinkle.
351
00:15:29,353 --> 00:15:31,320
That would be perfect in here.
352
00:15:31,355 --> 00:15:32,688
I once had a periwinkle tanktop,
353
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,190
but I left it a guy's house
named Chad,
354
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,524
who I met at a y2k party.
355
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,393
You know what?
It was not a y2k party.
356
00:15:37,427 --> 00:15:39,562
It was flag day,
I remember now,
357
00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:40,796
'cause we were having...
358
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,153
His name was not Chet.
359
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:48,337
No, no.
360
00:15:48,372 --> 00:15:51,707
I am getting all
of my ex-boyfriends confused.
361
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,075
I think I need to list
362
00:15:53,109 --> 00:15:54,977
all of my ex-boyfriends
alphabetically,
363
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,013
'cause I keep
getting them confused.
364
00:15:57,047 --> 00:15:58,464
What comes first,
Aron with one "a"
365
00:15:58,498 --> 00:15:59,632
or Aaron with two "a"s?
366
00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:01,260
I didn't check her out.
367
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:03,469
Oh, of course you didn't.
368
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:05,254
You know what's weird?
The Aron with one "a"
369
00:16:05,288 --> 00:16:08,257
was in a.A.,
'cause he was an alcoholic.
370
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,392
So weird.
371
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,760
Anyway, Aron, Aaron, Brian--
372
00:16:10,794 --> 00:16:12,762
but I didn't call him that,
I called him peanut--
373
00:16:12,796 --> 00:16:14,830
um...
374
00:16:17,484 --> 00:16:19,151
Hey, Roxanne,
go stand with those hot guys
375
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:22,905
and pretend like
they said something funny.
376
00:16:25,825 --> 00:16:28,078
Good, now pretend like
you like his fedora.
377
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:32,365
I can't do that.
378
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:34,333
And that's why I feel like
I learned everything
379
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:37,670
I know about being a woman
from Mr. belvedere, you know?
380
00:16:37,704 --> 00:16:39,455
I mean, I used to write
about him in my journal
381
00:16:39,489 --> 00:16:40,489
every day after school.
382
00:16:40,524 --> 00:16:41,490
You know what?
I have low blood sugar,
383
00:16:41,525 --> 00:16:42,675
we should probably
order some food,
384
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:43,959
or maybe I'll just get
some wine--
385
00:16:43,994 --> 00:16:45,828
- I'll get it.
386
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,597
You guys, I think I need
to tell Whitney the truth.
387
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,132
All right,
if she doesn't stop talking,
388
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:51,801
I'm gonna suffocate myself
389
00:16:51,835 --> 00:16:53,886
with her dead body.
390
00:16:53,937 --> 00:16:56,171
You sure you don't want
to run that by the, uh,
391
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,374
relationship president?
392
00:16:58,408 --> 00:16:59,508
Please end this.
393
00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:00,945
I am running out
of things to get Lily.
394
00:17:01,111 --> 00:17:04,213
I mean, I bought her a star.
395
00:17:07,033 --> 00:17:08,367
Oh, hey, my buddies are here.
396
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:09,368
No...
397
00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:11,120
They brought stupid new guy.
398
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:12,655
Yo, mark,
399
00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:15,190
let's do this thing.
400
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,243
How 'bout let's not
do this thing?
401
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,131
Yeah. Let's uh,
402
00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:24,366
let's not do this thing.
403
00:17:26,803 --> 00:17:29,972
- Good one.
- Yeah!
404
00:17:30,006 --> 00:17:31,809
I can't do this anymore.
405
00:17:31,975 --> 00:17:34,043
I just talked about Capri pants
for 45 minutes.
406
00:17:34,077 --> 00:17:36,846
I feel like
I'm hosting the view.
407
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,881
All right, well, you only have
one card left to play.
408
00:17:38,915 --> 00:17:40,516
It's time to go nuclear.
409
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,518
Full female assault.
410
00:17:42,552 --> 00:17:43,853
I don't know, I just,
411
00:17:43,887 --> 00:17:45,020
I really don't feel like
412
00:17:45,055 --> 00:17:46,822
you think I'm pretty.
413
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,023
And, and, just--
414
00:17:48,058 --> 00:17:50,025
I know I'm kind of emotional
right now,
415
00:17:50,059 --> 00:17:51,560
but I just got my period
416
00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:53,829
and it's just kind of
a weird one.
417
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,198
Uh! Okay.
418
00:17:56,232 --> 00:17:58,083
Uh, God, okay!
419
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,286
Whit, fine, I checked her out.
420
00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:02,338
I knew you did!
421
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:03,539
Yeah, I did, all right?
422
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:04,573
- You happy? Okay?
- Yeah.
423
00:18:04,591 --> 00:18:05,841
Because I'm a man,
424
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,009
and this is what men do.
425
00:18:07,043 --> 00:18:08,277
I-I-it's not even my fault,
all right?
426
00:18:08,311 --> 00:18:10,463
When a man sees
an attractive woman, he notices.
427
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:11,630
You really wanna know?
428
00:18:11,681 --> 00:18:13,015
You want me to tell you
every time it happens?
429
00:18:13,183 --> 00:18:14,583
I just want you
to be honest with me.
430
00:18:14,618 --> 00:18:16,251
Okay, cool.
Well, guess what.
431
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,120
There's four hot chicks
in this bar right now.
432
00:18:18,155 --> 00:18:19,605
Red dress over there by the bar,
433
00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:20,923
her friend yellow skirt,
434
00:18:20,957 --> 00:18:21,991
pink stripes getting food,
435
00:18:22,025 --> 00:18:23,309
a-and Roxanne,
436
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,811
who I clocked before
I realized it was her.
437
00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:27,530
Aww!
438
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:28,948
Thank you.
439
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,033
They weren't nice thoughts,
at all.
440
00:18:32,953 --> 00:18:35,304
Great.
441
00:18:35,338 --> 00:18:36,540
Great.
442
00:18:36,706 --> 00:18:38,457
I'm gonna go get a beer.
443
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,942
Yellow skirt? Really?
444
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,544
See! You don't really
wanna know the truth.
445
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:42,661
Of course I don't!
446
00:18:42,712 --> 00:18:44,006
'Cause women
are not animals, okay?
447
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:45,447
We don't run around
gawking at dudes like,
448
00:18:45,465 --> 00:18:48,450
"oh, hey, Roxanne,
check out the bulge on that guy.
449
00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:50,853
I wanna tear that up."
450
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,675
No, you just pretend like
451
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:59,195
you don't like Ryan gosling
because he's hot.
452
00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:00,679
You say it's because
he--he rescues dogs
453
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:02,431
and he hates being famous.
454
00:19:02,465 --> 00:19:04,466
That's what
he told Jimmy fallon.
455
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:07,136
And I'm sorry that
I'm so shallow for liking a man
456
00:19:07,170 --> 00:19:08,604
for his mind.
457
00:19:08,638 --> 00:19:11,440
Oh, really?
So it's okay if I just...
458
00:19:11,474 --> 00:19:12,825
Let all this go?
459
00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:18,497
'Cause you haven't already?
460
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,084
Look, I'm sorry.
461
00:19:22,118 --> 00:19:23,485
Okay?
462
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,254
I handled all this
really stupidly
463
00:19:25,288 --> 00:19:27,656
because I didn't want you
to take it as a sign
464
00:19:27,691 --> 00:19:29,992
that something was wrong with
our relationship, all right?
465
00:19:30,026 --> 00:19:31,727
I know your dad cheated
on your mom
466
00:19:31,761 --> 00:19:33,712
and your mom cheated
on your stepdad--
467
00:19:33,763 --> 00:19:35,163
- no, my dad cheated on my mom
468
00:19:35,181 --> 00:19:36,348
and my stepmom cheated
on my dad.
469
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:37,867
Right. Everybody kinda
cheated on everybody,
470
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:39,518
I'm just saying.
471
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,270
The point is,
472
00:19:41,304 --> 00:19:44,073
is that we're not them.
473
00:19:44,107 --> 00:19:45,541
Okay?
474
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,319
Okay.
475
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:51,013
Come here.
476
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:52,348
I'm so glad they made up.
477
00:19:52,382 --> 00:19:53,682
I feel like whenever they fight
478
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:56,869
it kind of affects us.
479
00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:58,120
Neal.
480
00:19:58,154 --> 00:19:59,221
What?
481
00:19:59,256 --> 00:20:01,490
Just people-watching.
482
00:20:01,524 --> 00:20:03,259
Want to go to Rome?
483
00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:04,660
Yes!
484
00:20:11,809 --> 00:20:13,095
That dude just checked you out.
485
00:20:13,261 --> 00:20:15,145
- Who?
- Blue shirt.
486
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:17,814
Oh, the fighter pilot?
487
00:20:17,848 --> 00:20:19,115
How do you know
he's a fighter pilot?
488
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,483
Oh, I just thought that
when I saw him.
489
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:22,585
I also imagine that
he has good credit,
490
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:26,773
no cavities, and builds houses
for poor people.
491
00:20:26,807 --> 00:20:27,791
Oh, what?
492
00:20:27,825 --> 00:20:29,976
Are we done being honest?
493
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,027
Oh, what?
494
00:20:31,061 --> 00:20:33,112
Ah, am I getting
the silent treatment?
495
00:20:33,147 --> 00:20:35,865
It's okay,
I know how this goes.
496
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:36,866
Oh, look at me!
497
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:38,067
Yes!
498
00:20:38,101 --> 00:20:39,369
Oh, I'm Alex, look at me
and my beard.
499
00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:41,237
- I think--
- You're a jerk.
500
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:42,539
That's a terrible impression.
501
00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:45,458
Duh, I think I'm
in a '90s grunge band.
502
00:20:45,493 --> 00:20:46,810
Look at me, I'm Alex.
503
00:20:46,844 --> 00:20:49,496
My eyebrow moves
all over my face.
504
00:20:49,547 --> 00:20:50,580
Look at me...
505
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:53,927
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